Saturday, June 4, 2022

Crying Freeman Review

 Note; I spell baD freeLEE

Crying Freeman

This is my review on Crying Freeman from 1995 (The 210 years before Transformers the Movie happened)

Its based on a manga by Kazuo Koike who did Lone Wolf and Cub(Which as it turns out is NOT a pedo manga) Lady Snowblood, Hanappe Bazooka AND  Mad Bull 34

he was partly responsible for the ris eof Rumiko Takahashi of Inuyasha, Hideyuki Kikuchi who did Wicked Ciuty, Demon city shinjiku and Vampire Hunter D, Tetsuo Hara from Hokuto No Ken, and Takayuki Yamaguchi who did Apiocalypse Zero

This si directed by Christophe Gans for i mnwAN WHBO did the live action Silent Hill and the live action Beauty and the Beast

It stars Mark Dacascos from the live action double dragon, The Crow Stairway To Heaven, Doogie howser and the pilot of power rangers, Tcheky Karyo fromn The Core, the devolved ron pearlman  from the ice pirates, Alien Resurrection, Pacific Rim, Titan A.E., Batman: The Animated Series, Bonkers, Animaniacs, Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm, man hes in a lot of stuff in the 90sm,, am i gonna write all of em? nah! Byron Mann who was Ryu in the 90s Live Action Street fighter movie and the live axctuiion Catwoman movie, Masaya Kato from the 98 Godzillas movie, Rae Dawn Chong from Commando, The Color Purple, Judging Amy, and that comet thing with michael moriatry thast gave on showcase on canada, Jerry Wasserman from Watchman, The Butterfly Effect 2, I, Robot, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: The TV Show, The Crow: Stairway to Heaven, Paul McGillion from thje 00s Twilight Zone, Tomorrowland and the 2009 Star Trek, Alex Diakun from The Journey of Natty Gann, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Ernest Rides Again, Wrongfully Accused, and some 90s guys i never saw in sh-t

i never read the manga or saw thius movie, but did read a bit of mad bull 34 and hasnapppe bazooka, and saw the anime

aw gay its widescreen!

but iuts in ciolor and has that good 90s style

so after logos tiotle and credits over blue lighted boidues with tattoos and cgi dragons

wtf Mako is in this?! he was in conan 1 and 2, RoboCop 3, Seven Years in Tibet, Rugrats in Paris: The Movie, Pearl Harbor, Memoirs of a Geisha, Samurai Jack, Dexter's Laboratory, and other things

well we get this chick writing in her diary that its her b day anmd she met a guy who wacks people and is comming for her

then a flash back to a  fam vacation o soviet san fran sisco but she didnt go back to candy a55 vancouver when she needed to and while paintng a landscape, saw some guys getting whacked in a slo mo gun fight  by a  guy chasing emn

1 guy offers tyo pay him more to not ice him, then pulls a gun and is blown oput

the hitman sheds a 1 tear, sets his gun to self detonate and throws it away as it blows, and goes to da chgiuck to offer his hand

she takes it and he sez he's yo (Like the guy in Shaman King Master Of Spirits 1 and 2 on GBA?) then vanishes

so out of flash back sahe blew out her candles on her cake and blasts champain on the painting of mark dacasocos from the crow, but he looks a bit like Riki-Oh

her rents went to h e double enfgland 20 years ago and then its in soviuetr canada in the vancouver quadrant

wanst there a global civil war going on in the mid 90s?

nah thats robotech

so yo brings a briefcase of clay into the country as hes a potter and ghoes on a wordy speech about clay making

after being let in he cuts open the clay and pulls out firearms as canada is gun phobic as they are a candy a55 country of beta males

although they do have dr assisted suicide, aka; assassination, where if you feel like it, the dr can execute you

but they dont execute child mo lesters, murderers or cannibals, as THEY have rights

these 2 guys driving is him and he points a gun at 1 from the back seat saying he wants to go home

the guy dares him toi and the gun isnt loaded oh and yuo uses a diffwerent gun for each hit

1 guy sez the dragons are p[leased with his fan fran wacking but the dad of the guy he iced is still around and wants to take oveer, and hes in soviet vancouver where the ndragoins want him

meanwhile some cops are looking intoi things andhave a meetuing and the father mr shimazaki  is mako and therre and wants to help them with somehting

mako is leader of some group and sez his son was iced and he somehow knows the chick saw it and the assassin will come for her next

he has the cops not stop the hitman as assisted suicde is legalk there, i mean cuz if they dont, he;'d send in his guys and it would be a massacre

as i ghuess the canadian cops bow to threats, then again, they  quit the sodomy parady cuiz somer commies complained about it in the 2010s, so i guess it got that right

but the cops send a message to 1 detective to get her and she leaves

mako sez the hitman is of the sons of the dragons(like the fallen angels of Noahs flood?) and the hitman is their executioner who follows a code (AbAcAbB)

the cops mock it fpor sopunding like a video games and 1 cop sez 1400 years ago the chionerse emperor was ovethrowqn by the manchus and 108 moncks started a revolt but only 005 survived

but there was 009 cyborgs, until he fought Devilman

so they foundewd the sons of the dragons who fight alleged injustice and oppression and have 1 killer who has dragon power and can't die

what is this? Hokuto no Ken? With 1 man carrying the north buig dipper god fist?

even if his body and race changes, hes the same man and a super elite

som is this where Batman Beyond got it from with that african guy thinking Batamn is a force that goes through the generations?

mako sez they have 48 hours to find the hitman or he goes all out

then we see yo with a mask and gun and he jumps off a building and theres a sniper aiming at thuis place where ther mamo comes out

he fites at the car and is ggoes up in a fireball and masked masacsos and walks to hium as makos guys are about to fire but the snmiper takes em out by using his sniuper bazooka

yo takes out guys and cops and jumps like 20 feet in the air like a f--king power ranger as the cars blow and caps the mako

yo runs and goes by chick who she sees and gets away in a car there as the commando chick tries to cap him but his gun he trhwew blows

the driver sez the yakuza will not try anything in china now and they have their reveenge and gives yo a gun and tells him to do it quick w/o thought, but yo gets a knife and climbs a wall

in a mansion is an open window and yo is there and sneaking around and sees chciks painting of him

at thr station the cops grill her and they think she withhelf info about yo and yo is comming for her

commando cghuick sez if they dont get the hitman in 040 hours, tghe yakiza will have a gang war, which seeing as 1 guy took out all those guards, i tthink they can handle it


so chick wants to go but cop sez in chi na if a killer introduces himself, it mmeans he'sd ice you

so how do you know heres a killer? if anyone introduces itself to you, do you just assume hes gionna shankj ya?

so she goos hoome and tells trhe cops they need a warrent to come in bjt tjhey say the killer dont and they offer tio check the house

commando chick gives her a button to calll em with, that dragoin boll siper totally wont rip off

her rents bit in in there and there were cops outside then too\

chick thinks abouit how cop kneew ofb her judge dad's crusade on the mob and she feels guilty for it

wait its commando chick cop who knows

so inside she finds her painting of him burning and yo comes for her with a  letter opener

he jams it in her torso, then jerks it so her organs all spill on the dfloor, then she struggles to put them back in


so then we see this smoking chick with man cop and he calls commando cop but she isnty comming in

So in her place chick says she wanted yo to return and Yo gets naked and we see his a55 and he's got a dragon tattoo on his body

so they b0ne and man cop is in the car and his asian son is there and wait, its nort his son, its ryuji who sez he dont ice cops unless they belong to em

he wants the chick and man cop sez that mako gave em 48 hours and ryuji sez if he gets the killers head(the killer is called Freeman) then he'd be the yakiza head

cop thinks ryuji had a hand in the dragons finding mako and ryuji saez he got man cop where he is tioday and commando cop ias listening

ryuji wants man cop to stand down and his side will give chick truth serum and when cop mouths off to him, hes beat down

so after yo b0nes the chick for a while, he gewts out naked and is later in a speedo as its easaier to film than just not drawing his 16 incher

huh, mark dacascos married the chick who played his character fallls in love with in here, This movie created love, and gave life to their kids

so 2 yakuza guys come in and yo wastes em with a blade, then in comes ryuji i think, who has a gun but is shanked in the back bu one of yos mhomies who throws yop a gun

they fire on each other and yo hides behind a body of a guy he just iced and only yo survivers cuz hes invincible like steven segal

he checks on the chick andhis homie/driuver sez the gun was meant for the chick anmd tells him to ice herand he aims at her head as i guess she fainyted or something and didnt get 1 hit

yo cant do it and carries her with him as maybe ryuji aims at him but dont fire

smoking chick comes out i mean in and ryuji takes off his bulletproof vest but has a f--king knife in his back and smoking chicjk makes out with him and puiills it out

so driver tells yop to end her but he dont wanna and he tells her how toi find him

deriver pulls a gun on chick whuile driving, but yo stops him and makes driver bring her to the hospital as i guess she was hit but had no visible holes

she wakes up days later and goes on about how her dad bit iut in a hospital b4 she got forgioveness from him for going out of thr house on a bet and turning off the alarm and the killer got in that wasy

so this chick namerd mary or yuri visitrs her and she whispers so the cops dont her and commando cop sez chick nearly bled out

mary goes out and calls someone and man cop used da fone but someones on it as i guess theres only 1 phobe line in the whole hospital

mary goes out and drops a sho getting in a cab and man cop sees her, as commando cop sees someoner else in chicks bed and they go after her as i guess they swapped outfits

as cops chase cab, a big a55 TRUCK thats White like Ultra Magnus but not flat front is driven by i think yos driver and bumps into the cops

the cops go flying in slo mo and flip off a thing

later mN COP trieas to save commando coip but the car blows and shes cooked

dont worrey, i'm sure she got out in time, she just needs some rest

so this guy gives chick a passport and info and she goes to chi na

then we see people in a building in small water things and 2 guys come in and shoot the place up

if this were england they'd chop em up with knives, wait, they got knfes here too

1 guy has yakuza TATOOD, wait i think its ryuji, who yweah it is, and he sez he declartes war on the dragons and he wants freemAN OR hges going back to chi na

then takes off a guys ear like St Peter the 1st Pope who was Jewish did tyhat 1 time

so days later of travel choick is going somewhgere and yop is makoiing piots like in ghost

the dragons goon tellsdd the leader of the dragoins, thuis hag some cr-p of tyhe yakuza, buit its in chinese and the subs are in french, and only 1 is a real language

yo tells chick his dad was a famous japanese potter and he shows her a pot

no one cares abouit making cr-p outta clay!

eat play doh!

so his name and job as a potter is just a cover for his assaSSINATION WORK

then we getta dflasghback to his 1st potter show 7 years ago and this guy got shanked in it

thrn we get the chalk outline they think cops do with blood ON it meaning after they drew it, thry picked him up abnd he gushed all over

yo is curiuons and recalls seeing the guy put something in a pot and he takes it out

its filme and he develops it and finds it has the kiullers torturing a guy with a dragon tattoo

hes gonna mail it to da cops but uis stabbed with a drug needle by a rotting hag and wakes up tied naked to a statue

the hag shanks him with a needle and he spazzes out as she chants and ther statue comes to life

he wakes up in thishotel and when  he gets a call he goes into a trance and hagmo says he has to ice this italiano with a kjnie as he can smell guns

i think this is how the gov sent john lennon to h e double england

so later yo brinbgs flowers to the chick the italiano is with and he shanks the italiano with the blaDE IN THE BOH KEI

the italisanoes goons come for him and he throws a booze bottle in the fire and it blasts em with flames

he fights the flaming italianbnoes with a knife and ends emand makes a 1 tear

then he wakes up butt hole naked and tied to a statue and hagela says she didn;'t expect him to survive but he has a gift and she sticks him with a needle

then hes hanginging on a metal chain and was tattooed by hagington with this dragon thing

driver sez its the image of his soul wanting freeedom and true freedom issome dragon soul cr-p i dont care

now he is their property and druiver is gonna train him to be the ultimate assassin, yo is now, the free mannnnnnnnnnnnn

who am i? i'm spiuder man!

i'm batman

and death stalker too

i wanna take, his face, off!

in the ptrresenbt he sez hes cursed to do their orders but she sez he didnt ice her so he resisted and they go up this staircase

driver is there and gives him a newspaper saying theres gang war in china, and whoevewr wacjks yo is the new yakuza leader

totally not like afro samurai

yo sez he has to go to save those thegang war would get and driver sez as ryuji can identify him, he must end

then at the mako estate, ryuji comes in and theres a ceremony for mako

1 japanese guy calls someone there and says stuff in Nihongo with french subs i cant get most of and after hanging up, driver cuts his throat

man cop i think comes by saying he's makos homie and is let through and tells ryuji that he;'s gone too far and csomeone has to pay for the 16 guys iced in the soy factory, as i guess they like havuing beta males in asia

man cop sez ryuji is the number 1 suisp[ect and that ryuji sent mako jr tyo san fran sodom and he can tell other if ryuji dont comply

this is like battlefield earth with leverage, only not awful

smoker chick come sin and is ryujiu's wife and tells him that chick made it to Tokyo as shes now a Tokyo GHruil tokyo Girl

so now chick is with freeman and says some stuiff to man cop who then goes to see her in ths Tatami Room where she lures him in to whisper some confidentuial info

as he gets near, she takes off her top and tries to make out with him as a japanese chick has a biog a55 camera and snaps a photo

he shoves her off as he don't consewnt as ur not supposed to do anything with another mans wife

she sez they;'d ice him for trying to b0ne a yazuka chick woc with out consent

so he figures, he might as well be guilty of what he's framed for and takes her in the closet to jam his large american b0ner into her small japanese a55

now if they use a lie detectgor, he can't prove his innocence

its like if lee harvey osward broke free of the cops, then fired opn j fk's corpse as "i'm already being framed for it"

so ryuji talks shin nihongo with nipponjin and no okama frenchies  from jigoku and pulls a gun on one of em, but pulls off

then we see we see man cop b0ning smoker chick and is mad at her for framing him and he figgers that she planned it all and she wants to go to somewhere in Hokkaido to see some chick

so ryuji gives thise guys in suits and shades a drink and 1 has a pink capsule on his sleeve and ther other coughs and gets a smoke after his drink as 1 of em has the capsule

as he lights his smoke, he spits out the capsule and sake he had in his mouth as a gene simmons fire blast and the other guy goes at him with a knife, but ryuji grabs the blade to stop it

non knifer has a pistol come out like in taxi driver and caps guys and in the gunfight some guys break glass and blow out windows

knife guy gets his shirt ripped open and ruiji sees its him, the freeman, so freeman in disguise uses the gene simmons fire attack on him like sasuke in naruto or the fat chick in apocalypse zero or like a half dozen Go Nagai characters like ssiter jill, akira fuido and Ginnai Doma

he makes a 1 tear and cooked ryuuji rips of his burning shirt and comes at him but is capped

ther rest of the yakuza guys come at em but they shred em with gundfire as i guess they have infinite ammo like in Contra

then ryuji comes at em again as i guess he had some extra lives and driver nails his hand to a wall with a blade and stays to finish him off as yo goos oot and caps guys

driver puts a gun clipp with the detonator in ruiji's pants and outside yo catchs smoker wife uses her as a shield as cop come comes out guns drawn

wait, its driver whos gonna cap yo and ryuji uises the gun driver left in his crotch lieka  dumba55 and caps driver just as the ryuji aspoldes ina a chucks spreay fireball

yo takes out more guys and driver sez it was his job tio warttch serve and ice him for breaking the code by not icing chick

and then, he died, ahhhhhhhhhhhh

smoker wife comes out and starts eating driver as he spazzes out from huis nerves

jk she just caps him a few x as man cop watches

chick sez yop returned but hid but she can sense him and her enemies are comming but she has nothing to fear

then the yakuza show up and and tells her to do what they say

they unzip and these really long man thing comes out looking like tendrills and tie her up as they blast her with pink lemonade looking goo

jo really yo j fk's em with a bow and arrows and thsese speedo bnoates come sby with lotsa \jazuka are there

cop and smoker wifer come on the island and yo gets a bucnha weapons in a hidden panel behind thge stone thing in the temple and puts on a timer

in 5 minutes this island will asplode?

then he machineguns them and uses grenades or something to fireball blast the area like its nam 2 electric boogaloo

then man cop has yo at gunpojnyt and caps him as he's not a dumba55 who talks for 2 mins about his master plan or just stands thee like a devolved dude like tht inbred brit in rob roy who has him at sworedpoint gfort like a dozen seconds

wait, he just sez"i got you freeman" as freeman crawls and chick grabs freemans guna bnd caps man cop

turns out frteeman has a bullet proof vest i think and the bullet just punchjed him

so he takes it off and gets a katakna instead of a gun and armor and fights yakuza guys with bladesin slop mo

he gets another hguys blade and takes em on but gets 1 cut and eventually shanks smoker wife in thre chest witha  smaller blade he hid in his back pants

if she removes the knife she;'';d bleed out as told by yo who tells her to say it was yo thevbpotter who iced shimazaki over a past dispute

but he wants her to say that yo and chick bit it in the battle

she wont so he pulls the blade and blood blasts out and he offers her a chance to lived and she says something asbout her honor

then he's patches her up and cop is still not dead and pulls a gun as he didnt promice freeman anythign so she caps him as she has some honmor

then the area blows and yo and chick go off on a jetskii and she sez they will be looking for em u=even if freeman and her leave n traces as their code of honor demands it

then we see the pcicture of mark decascos in painting and credits to cool musicthats mysteriouys and sorta 80s

the end

boom operator don bwrown? the ocean dub voice of hercule and garlic jr in DBZ?

starwagon driver; charlie brown?!

legal services; steven m baron, like steve barron from robotech?!

that was pretty good

nice action and msuic

decent acting and well done story

for a live action anime manga adaptation its actually pretty good

imagine iof they did a mad bull 34 live aCTION WITH tHE rOCK AS john speely estes aka mad bull?

its got cool acvtion and effects and style and its not just bad cg people flying around

real effects and real effordt went into this

i'm glad i saw this

maybe i otta read the manga

mad bull 34 and hanappe bazooka were good and i saw the live action lady snobloow movies on RCM

So once I was talking to aa guy who likews fat slob women, and showed him the huge, often naked, fat chick from the Crying Freemanm Anime/Manga, and he didn't like he, So as he likes Hokuto No Ken, I said she's like a Female Mr Heart, and he went EW

Then again, he likes drawing poison from final fight all greasy and gassy and gobese and gorgibng on slop

For Crying Freeman 2 I want him and the chick to be living in this Dragons Base  and his new overseer is the 800lb faT CHICK FR9OM THE MANGA, who he finds really hot as he's secretly into that,  and between assassinations, he has to deal with his feelings between this hugew, often naked blob, and the woman hes into. Its also an 8 bit Darting Sim with beat em up levels on Sega Master System, Game Gear, Nes, GB, TG16, Atari Lynx AND 7800 where you play as freeman and do dialogue betweeen the 2 chicks, to grow cvloswer to 1, and the beat em up levels are you on missions where you can get itens as presents to make em happy.

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