Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Heavenly Bodies Review

Note: i spell with 80s style
haveenly bodies
this is my review on heavenly bodies from 1985(the year Robotech and Mario 01 Came Out)
i saw it b4 and its good 80s cheese
its directed by lawrence dawn and stars Cynthia Dale whos married to peter mansbridge, stewart strone from the 90s x men, Cec Linder, Dan Hennessey froom Dog City, Care Bears and Inspector Gadget and no one else I know
it was made in soviet Canada and is super 80s
ooh, its fullscreen
no black bars
so it starts with cheerful 80s tunes as credits go by
these 80s chicks buy a building or something and another 80s song kcks in as an office  girl prints flyers for the thing and hides em in her clothes
so over this montage they spread flyers, then we get an 80ss chick putting on 80s aerobix gear and dancing to a 3rd 80s song in an exercise dannce class like in the 80s robotech movie
in the 80s people worked out. in the 90s they stopped and by the 2010s we got my 600lb life
man, these chicks are in shape
not eveen 10 mins in and we had 3 songs
so then a reporter interviews people at the club who like it there and the club that has been doing great over the last few months
she wants to raise the cash to buy the building
later main chick's kid son is reading tom sawyer and tom wants to do b0ning with many people at once
mark twain you son of a b--ch!!
later we get another dance work out to an 80s song for manly 80s guys(back when guys were allowed to be he men)
so she outlasts all the muscley moustache men and later this guy from the dance runs into a priests car while looking at main chick
then more dancing to 80s tunes and main chick gets a gorilla gram from that guy (blonde guy) and invites her to dinneer
then in a mens class of dance, this chick plays str-ppeer music and playfully dances around blonde guy in a leather sm outfit
it was a sttr=pper gram from main chick
later  main chick comes home with balloons and a note from blonde guy sauying; if u say yes to dinner, release the ballons from the balcone
she does and later the club main chick is invoted to a show but dont wanna go
so blonde comes by and sez he hopes she likes perogies as hes el polen zakken
after dinner they chat and drink wine as she sez herpast b4 got her pregnant at 17 and ditched her a month b4 she pooped out her kid
more reason to stay a virgin til marriage
that and aids
so she makes out with him b4 he goes home andwe're like almost 25 mins in and nothing happened
but its not boring and is cheerful and fun
sorta like eiken but no g cup bikini teens
so theyy film this tv thing of 80s chix dancing and working out to 80s music and this perm chick who looks like dana sterling from robotechis there with her suit bf
as the song goes on they renove chix who dont work and eventually its between main chick and perm and peerm aiint friendly with main chick
then another 80s songdance work out as man chick looks at blonde pole andwe keep cutting to this straight white human opposite family living adult couple in bed
thenthe song continues as we see main chick and pole hanging oit in a park with her kid andjust having a good clean time
back when playgrounds were worth playing on
then a new song and more dance work out with tights and leg warmers
affter more dancing and 80s songs and its revealed that main chick woon the tv thing
meanwhile, later at the other gym, perm is p-ssed her butt buddy didn't get her the part and shes kinda b--chy about it
so good guy gym celebrates main chick getting da part with a pparty and sugary cake and booze
main chick goes back with pole blonde and b0nes him off screen and later she goes to the studio to dannce for her local show to upbeat 80ss misic
i think its just a warm up as no one is there and later she's  on tv doing regular stretches as perm and butt buddy are watching in bed and later b0ne
later butt buddy stops by the stufio and chats with main chick and then more dancing in the club to another 80s tune
after that pole blonde returns (he was out of town?) and they reunite and he sez hes going to soviet chicago tomorrow and shes busy and cant go with him
oh, hes opening a restaurant
she dont wanna drop everything to leave her dream for a guy again and they get kinda pi--y and  have a mild bicker
so ater another 80s song as she dances alone to music they play when someone struggles with something, she calls his room and gets a chick and hangs up thinking hes cheeting on her
them lite bummer music like in robotech as  she hangs out ar da beach with her kid
later she does bettingdswith a  guy over cash if she can do various moves and wins
after some pool swimming, with perms butt buddy, they kiss  but she sez shes not into it
then perm is doing her class dance and butt buddy is in da pool and his investor who looks like colonel sanders comes by thinking they are gonna cost him cuz of main chicks club
then another 80s dance work out of main chick and she learns the owners of her lease sold it and the coontract sez they can end their 4 year lease with 30 days notice
and butt buddy is behind it and bought it
this is starting to seem a lot like that ben stiller dodgeball movie
so main chick goes by bad clubs place and perm reveals shes in on it
then on her show she calls out buttt buddy over buying their club to close it doewn amdbutt buddy and perm ssee it on tv
why do they watch the show if they hate this chick?!
she challenges them to a dance off where winner gets the buildimg
is tthat legal??
isnt that betting??
so theres a protest outside butt buddys club and people hate him and the media is being the good guys for once and pressering them andbutt buddy and sanders consent to the challenge
then anotherdance video with crotch thrustimg and they set the rules
laterpole blonde comes by  main chiks place and wait its butt buddy
he throws her around and  ruuns off and  she damages her leg
btw gladiator rripped this off with jo a quin phoenix shanking robin hood
so its the dance off and pole bloonde comes by by taking time off his w/e he does to hep her
thety have several dancers on each team and they gotta keep dancing until one team has no one left
and each layer can stop for 10 secs and cant slack off or lose pace
then some intence dance working outto 80s music
i only saw this once and years aggo, but, are they gonna just have dancing and 80s music for the next 15 mins of film?
oh they get 10 min breaks
charge ur ki
and maiin chicks  leg bruise is expanding
he gave her aids!!
although i'm surprised the  bad guys didnt do roids
then more dancing and 80s music and her leg is going
use a pressure point
pole bf finds out from son that butt buddy beat up main chick and he tell him off
butt buddy fights pole bloonde and both are disqualified
if this were hockey they'd be ok
welll, not today. they queered hockey with all this fight phobia
its no better than woomens hockey where no body checks
or womens kick boxing whete no hitting
so they battle on dranzer and pole bf sez once he busted his nose but didnt tell coach cuz he had to finish the game
they go back in and its 2 on each team and the extras  bite it and is just perm and main chick
eventually main chick's leg f-ks out but she remembers footage from the start of the film and gets a 19th second wind
i guess she just went ss5 (ultra instinct is non canon) and gets a burst of ki and outlasts perm chick
the good guys wn and they cekebrate by, uou guesse it, dancing to 80s music
the end
then the sunny heaven song with footage behind the credits of 80s chicks dance exercizing
that was nice
lite, fun, cheerful, cheesy, upbeat, livley andvjust good
its like eiken; light on plot but with colorful feel good entertainmentt
no one is iced. no one is crippled. no one gets aids. no one does drugs
its not degrassi
its a bit pg13 with t-ts and a few swears but its not too bad
i liked it and if you like 80s filmsyou'll like this
for heavenly bodies 2 i want her to be recovering from her leg damage and get into roids to speed up recovery. also the club gets work out machines and the members get big and beeefy like that chick from the go nagai manga. also theyres a bodybuolding contst coming up and they gotta  get huge for it. its also an 8 bit game on sega master system and game gear, nes and gameboy, atari lynx and 7800 and tg16 where you do these mini games and levels of working out and gorging on high protein foods like mcdonalds burgers and ends in a bodybuilding contest like the pokenon musicals in the ds games.

Sunday, May 24, 2020

Dune Review

note; i spell bad like this movie is seen(but its enjoyable)
this is my rebiew of dune from 1984 (the yearafter the video game crash)
its directed by david lynch and stars brad dourif, linda hunt, viirginia madsen, jurgen pronchow, sting, max von syndow and patrick stewart
its based on a book i never read and everyone dumps on it cuz they dont get it
i saw it lastr night and liked it
so it starts with this chick going on a long monologue about the history of the thing sorta like in alien soldier
its the year 10191 and theres an empire of planets under cntrol of the emperor.
the biggest thng is tthis spice that is used for extending life, increasing power and space folfds like in robotech but its only found on 1 butthole a55 planet
its also mutated its users after 4ooo years of use
that planwets people have a prophecy of a hero coming to bring them freedom (like mel gibson vs soviet england?) and is arrakis aka DUNE
then title and credits over sand
its all done in 1 take btw. pretty impressive
then we see a list of the planets in this story and its owners
on the emperor planet its this weird mechanical world this guy and his esper meet the emperor who is in this big a55 tank and he looks sorta invid like the regent but more cuttlefish
if this were a sega game he'd be a boss
emperor sends esper away but i think shr's spying
emperopr can see his thoughts i think and sez that 2 clans are feuding as good house is making a secret army and so ic weapons
so hes gonna use bad house to take good house down
but emperor sez this guy named paul from good house (i say housebut its more clan an they say hoise too)is gonna be an issue and must be iced
esper and her peole go to good house and its revealed good house was using selective breeding or genetic cr-p to make a superior being (the cho jin) and was meant to have only girls bt 1 chick had a son (paul) with the had of good house
paul is tested by patrick stwertet in a knife fight with weird cg armor and they batle to a draw
they taklk about the worms of arrakis who are up to 450 meters (or 1350 feet in real numbers) long and how paul suspects the emperor is behind the bad house
they suspect going to arrakis is a trap but they have an army and sonicc weapons
then they test the sonic gun with paul fighting a combat thing
this should've been a master syatem game
so paul dad sez paul is the best fighter taught by patrick stwerit and they talk about new eexperiemces let us grow
and that the sleeper must awaken(remember that)
at night he has visions of cr-p that makes sense later
later esper meets with pauls mom who could have gone to bad house andi tthink might be an esper too sorta but i'm not sure, and b--ches ar her over wanting to make the cho jin
then esper tests paul by putting his hand in a box that burns it and if he pulls it out, she'll ice him
we see his hand decroding aand when the test is done, he takes it out and its ok
she sez the juice from da worms is used by her espers to see within and its risky and all other who tried it bit it
so then we get this monorail looking thing going through a large built area like in metropolis from 1927 annd its bad house planet withits leader being a big gross aids bag where 1 of his homies played by chuckky chat about bringging down good house
he wants arrakis amd has a double agent in good house working for him
then aids bag flies under a blood drip and pulls out this guys heart plug to ice him and almost b0ne him
so as good house goes to arrakis we see emperor inspace blasting ki and making planets
i think its symbolism
or maybe how they show the space fold
so pauk dad meets a guy who sez the arrakis people are good for being allies and theres much more than the emperor thinks
and they can control da spice
also arrakis is a desert planet w/o rain
they meet a  guy who was o arrakis for da emperor long enuff for his eyes to turn light blue
tHEY wear suits that catch sweat and process it and have a  nose tube tthat they breathe into to save water
paul knows how to use da suit w/o being told and emperor worker remembers the prpphecy saying he will know ur ways as if born to em
so good house guys go across da desert in a ship and talk about worms and emperor worker tries to avoid saying the worms have to do with da spice
they spot a wurm and theres a base in danger or something as this worm big enuff to eat it swallows the base and tey try to sae the people on it
totally not like robotech where mars base got nuked aas the sdf 1 got away
also paul dad (the duke(not john wayne)) is more worried of his men than the spice
later this guy from good house hates bad house for icing his womann
later pauly shore eats spice and has trippy visions
then this flying ainds needs comes in and if he moves it will see and ice him
when da housekeeper opens dda door he catches it and busts it on da wall, sabing her
i think she imples theres a traitor and later the houses met and there's a lockkdiwn on the pakace after paul newman is nearly iced
so paul goes to bed and dad is attacked by one of his guys who gives him a poison gas tooth to assassinate aids bag with in exchange for savving hs woman and son
so bad house attacks ad blows the place to elevtric guital like in 90s shows like  the crow stairway to heaven or are you afraid of the dark
aids bag has caught dues wiman and spits on her face in a gooey scene, then orders her iced but paul and mom are taken away by some guys
paul uses his psychic powers to makke 1 guy remove  moms ggag and she uses her [sychic thing to make them ice eachother and free them
oh annd dad gets shanked but his signing ring but dad is stull alive and uses his tooth to blast poison gas into brad dourifs face and both go to h e double optera
so the ship paul is  on busted a wing and they land on a small rock as this giant phallllic worms are out there
oh and they were given suits and  paul has the seal ring
psul has a vision of empperor wanting him iced and realisez whoever controls the spice controls the universe
sorta like protoculture in robotech
so paul relizes the spice evolved him and his mom is pregnant with his sister
he vows to beat the aids bag and emperor and plants a thing to attract a worms attention as he and mom try to escape this huge d0ng monster by going up this big a55 rock
it attax and a piece of it falls and paul goes with it, hitting several things as he goes down
da worrm goes as someone else activated a worm atteractor and they find this care with this planets people in it
after a breif fight, paul catches the leader who wants to use their sound blasters and (wait its mom who catchees him) abd they join his team
they give them new names and show them a water mine full of much waters
meanwhile on bad house planet, aidsbagg is happy ovver beating good house and puts his man in charge of arrakis
then sting comes out in a speedo and his uncle aids bag lusts after him
then mom drinkss the ultra divine water to digivolve her and it maes her poop out her kid who was born with esper powers and knowledge
so brad dourif is alive still and got a heart plug andneeds to take anti venom and feels bad about failing the duke
so then paul b0nes this chick and is told to train the arrakis people in his sonic boom attacks
also he wants to end spice production on arrakis and atttract the emperors attention
he has a  arrakin ty to bust stone but cant so he uses a sound gun and it blows
then trains em to use sonic guns
btw this totally isnt like lawrence of arabia
so later this huge a55 worm comes out, totakly not like tremors, amd paul grabs its side, it rotates him on op and he puts rchains on it to steer it
then they go to battle with the empperors or aidsbags goons
for 2 years they stopped spice but guy in chaarge tried to hide it from his  uncle aids bag as paul annd gf grew closer like rick and lisa in robotech
later patricckk strwatr comes in surprized paul sorvino is alive
so da emperor finds of the new unknown leader stopping spice production and orders guy who set the houses to fight to stop him
meanwhile, paul has a vision learning the emperor fears him drinking the sacred water and his visions ease up so he needs it to get total power
so he drinks the magic water that iced all men who tried it b4 and survives after trippy visions
totally not like dragon ball with goku
oh and the eespers bleed  in reaction to his taking the water
now he can control worms and he sez da sleeper has awakened
so later aids bag comes by the planeet and brings his forces to wipe out the resistance like a butt
and the guy who set the houses against each other, wait, hold up, i think hes the emperor and the invid thing was just an advosor
well hes there and meets aids bag and the sister of paul is this kid with psychic things and can read minds and the empperors esper is afraid of her
so theres a big a55 battle and paul sends his sandworms
oh and sister reveeals her brother is the paul
she pulls out aids bags hover belly rng and he flies into a sandworms moyth(is this beetlejuice?)
paul faces the emperor and his esper is no match for psuls psychic powers
then paul has a monkey knife fight with sting and wastes him with a blade to the neck
also he no longer needs a sonic gun to blasty people
i guess he uses his ki like in dbz or fist of the north star
then he uses his powers to make it rain on arrakis, which would probably f up the planet as its not meant for rain
btw the beating of the guy who iced his dad and saving the kingdom and bringing back rain was ripped off in the lion king 1
they say hes the chosen one and we get credits showing who played who like in space balls but to nice 80s music
the end
i liked it
its weiord, dark, epic, and i thought well done
its got good 80s style but feels sorta like a ben hur or lawrence of arabia style movie and has imfluenced a lot of later stuff while drawing from past things
i kinda see where they got some stuff for robotech ii the sentinels now
i get its kinda strange but i didn't see what everyone hates about this
its got good music and style too
sora ancient futuristic
but the seeds of the future lie barried in the past
for dune 2 i want paul to need a recharge of his magic water to boost his powers back but he overdoses and it warps his  mind. soon he's using his powers to devolve people into stick insect people and theres a big war where those who liked the emperor are trying to reinstate him to bring order back to the galaxy as without him theres been a lot of chaos  and volence. and to do so, they gotta bring down payl and he's devolving into some kinda phaIIic worm monster with his limbs becoming worms aand his neck elongating and face becoming more worm like. also its a 16 bit run n gun ggame where you play as the emperors elite soldier and fight through several planets to restore order by taking out malcontents and weird urotsuukidoji alien bosses on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba.

Saturday, May 23, 2020

Remember Review

note; my mom hatees how i spell
this is my review on remember from the distant future year of 2015 (the year Alien Soldier happened and the malcontent uprisings occured after the 1st robotech war)
its directed by atom egoyan and stars christtopheer plummer, martin landau and no one else i know
i never saw this but my mom wants me to review it so here i go
huh, jurgen pronchow is in this
so after like a min of logos we get plumber waking up and wondering where his wife is
the jamacian nurse sez she bit it a week ago  and sshes  her nurse who stays on for a bit after
she guides him around to breakfast and his  nursing home homie reminds himhe has to do something now that she bit it
after a Jewish service , he tells his (great?) grandkid  he met her in coney island and his homie gives some writings and tells him to fake being tired to read emm
after he doz he getz cash and goes outto a taxxxi
later hes on a train or w/ee and chats with a kid who wonders why he dont take a plane
me; cuz if a train f--ks out you can walk! if a plane f--ks out you bite it!!
meanwhile the nursing home issued an alert for mssingplumber who's Hebrew name translates to Wolf
is he a furry??
o da train he gets confused and thinks the kid is his grandson and wonders where his wife is
the kid is playing that piece of cr-o psp which breaks easy and kid gets nervous of wolf blitzer and changes seats
lupin iii the wolf chex da letter and after the train lands, kids dadoffers to help him but he sees theres a black car for him
then he goes to a gun shop and adfter a bg check the shopkeep is helpful
after buying some justice he goes to a motel where homie arranged and homie calls him
after a bath its the next day and he goes to see this guy named rudy like the footall kid
he pulls a gun on him and asks him about his history andwar record
Rudy sez he was in north africa and served his country and didnt know about the genocide
after showing a photo album wolfenstein goes back to hotel, calls homie and goes on to the next place
its revealed many workers of the camps took the identity's of theirvictims and escaped to america
and homie is hunting thids rudy guy an using wolfman as homie got cripppled
he then goes to soviet canada and at the boarder his passport is expired but his drivers l;icense gets him throough
alsi when going through his bag he narly exposes his firearm, which candy a55 canadians are homophobic of
so he goes to a  nursing home and asks rudy 2 if he was at the camps and he sez yes
wolfbat nearly blows a hole in him until he notices hos ttattoo and realizes he was in the camps as a prisoner
he feels bad about nearly murdermg the wrong guy ad as he leaves hears a ppiano song he knows and chats with the player
afyer playing the piano he goes and buys some clothes
bt when securiry checks his bags he finds the gun
but this guy believes in human self defence rights and smiles at him  and wishs him well
remember in 8 mile when those homies beat up eminem
had he had a strong firearm he could mow em down b4 they iced him and b0ned his sister/daughter dead
latr he spills food on his letter and rewrites it and reads it saying he's the only one besides homie who can recognize the guy who iced thei fams
later he goes to this rural area with a loud dog thatt needs a 45 calibur suppository but this rudy bit it montha ago
a cop invites him in for a drink bt wolfmon is scared of dogs socop puts it away
i think cop was this rudyy's son and reveeals rudy was big on talking of zaa warr and a  collector
they go up to his room and theres a flag from crystal night and a 1st printing of mein kamph
sorta like how james cameron is obcessed with the titanic and the 1500 iced in it
so son reveals his dad was 10 when the war started and only cooked for the Army and is all chummy with wolfmo untul he sees his arm tattoo and reaklizes he lied about being his dads friend
dog barks too much and it scares wolfen til he whizzes from son yelling at him over being jewish
then he lets the dog at wolf who caps it and the cop who was just standuing there
after taking a shower and resting in the home he jusst iced a guy in,he spazzes out confused and calls homie to updatte him on stuff
then travels a while and gets hit by a car
wait, he just blacks out in da street and is sent to the hospitall where they call his son
in the hospital he watches cr-ppy a55 modern cartoons and chats with a little blonde girl like in a speilburg film
she finds cash in his bag looking for candy and reads a lettter saying his story upp to now from homie who was hunting ww2 guys
then a flashback of homie getting wolf baron to murder people w/o a trial as he thinks thhey'd bite it b4 they got a fair trial
thats not very good logic
we have to burn down this collapsing house before it burns down on its own!!
so he then leaves and goes to this wood home and chats with this guys daughter
she knows hes here about the camps andthe guy has a big a55 family
wolfula plays the piano and the guy comes down surpirzd a guy from the camps likes wagner
they speak germanic to avoid being known and go outside as wolf monkey remembers him
he hugs wolf plumber and wolf calls him otto
guy is confused and wolfs son arrives at the front door
thhey come otu and see the big bad wolf holding guy at gunpoint
as guy wont go with his urges, he aims the gun at the guys fam and is gonna murder them if he dont admit what he wants them to
he sez he was in charge of zee campz and iced a lot of people and his real name is sturm and wolf is really the guy he was hunting
they tattooed each other and hid as inmates to escape the commies
he then murders his co worker and remembers everything
then puts the gun to his head and screen goes black as we hear the shot
wont even show his head asploding!!
at the home the friends are bummed and homie reveals he knew all along and sent him on a suicide mission by decieving him in to thinking they were friends and he says they iced his fam
the end
that was pretty f'd
now not to say the guys who bit it were innocent
but what landaus character did was pretty trecherous and dark
taking advantage of a mentally impared man to murder someone and having him driven to suicide
they may have done wrong in the past, but they also have families who love them and care for them
it reminds me of yugioh zexal how vector faked being yuma's friend to manipulate him to having a fight with astral in an apttempt to kill them both
pretty dishonorable
2 wrongs dont make a right
all he did was destroy the lives of many innocents
but over all, it was a well done film
its a lot like memento from 15 years b4 but with nazies
its got good pacing and flow and not much action happens but its got tension and near calls
its well made and the main guy being the real killer was done in yugioh arc v with yuya being the real danger
its a bit dark and grimm and tight but its weill made
good twist with the crippled guy being the puppet master behind all the events and being against them the whole time.
for remember 2 i want the guys who got shot at the end to have been saved by medical intervention and wolf jerked his hand an the last moment in self preservation instuinct so it only shaved off some of his skull. the movie focus's on their recovery and leads up to an attempted murder trial where they charge the crippled guy with conspiricy to commit murder and other things. also the family is suing him for damages and are gonna drain him dry. its  also a 32 bit law game like phoenix wright on ps1, sega saturn, n64 and gba and psp where you play as either the defence or prosecution and try to win the case.

Friday, May 22, 2020

Event Horizon Review

Note: I spell unsettling
Event Horizon
This is my review onEvent Horizon from the distant future year of 1997
i never saw it b4 but saw a Cenemassacre Rental Review and it sounds f;d
They described it as h-llraiser in space
and that some martieral filmed with amputees in weird SM things was so disturbing it was removed after a test screening and the footage lated fell apart or something so its gone
its directed by Paul W. S. Anderson who did Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil and Alien Vs Predator and stars larry ffishburn from pee wees  playhouse and the matrix, sam neil from jurassic park 1 and 3, and jaso issacs from the 3d castlevania games and increasingly dark harry potter movies
aw gay!
Its widescreen!!
Fide da cure!!
Every night I burn! Every night I call your name!!
so after credits we get a timeline
2015; moon colonys, 2030 mars base, 2040, naputne ship goes missing
now its 2047 and after the 3rd robotech war andthis ship goes to soviet neptune
huh, pwople say this film s-cked
i liked a lot of cr-p so lets see how i feel on tthis
so theres this stattion in urth otbit and another shp heading for neptune to save the missing ship
and a crew ofguys are whining aboyt having to go out to the a55 end of the solar system
this is starting to feel like the 1970s alien
hope theres no crotchalicious monsters
1 guy gets shots to survive 30G's of pressure in the ship as thats totally possible and then we see sam neil in a water pod with a maske and the crew in their own ones
hes awake and 1 guy gets oot, oh its sam, and he hears voices and doors open
he ses a chick, then she is behind him w/o eyes and sez shes waiting and he wakes up and gets out his pod
huh, they got 2 black guys in here.
usually theres just 1 to sacrifice himself to save the virgins
i e jason x
so cowboy curtis introduces everyone at a meeting and is p-ssed he was taken off leave for this mission
sam sez they were sent here for a message from the ship event horizon
its said to be busted but he reveals it was a secret project to make faster than light travel with some kinda robotech space fold
and sam built it
he sez the ship just vanished when it tried its thing and7 years later its back
the message is weird h-llish screaming and editing it reveals its latin  that 1 guy knows andsez means save me
so they get to soviet neptune and find event horizons signal
after a storm on the planet and unanswered calls to the ship, they get there
this is seeming a lot like that steaming pile of cr-p 2001 a space oddyssey
so they go on in space suits with magnet boots andlook around with cheap 90s cg cr-p floating around
1 guy finds a guy chopped up with no eyes and they find this spinning thing like a gyroscope that powers the ship
the feed cuts out and the core guygets sucked into the core which is black goop and it blows
their ship is damaged and they gotta go on da event orizon and to make it easier to film, they turn on gravity
the guy who got sucked in is pooped out and they got no communication to urth andhave limited air
they need to fix their ship andsucked guy is in a coma
other black guy said the core turned liquid and back and sam sez its not possible
imma just say they gotta use  the space fold to get home at the end
sam sez gravty waves might distort spacetime and make illusions
they got 17 hours left as they were just j-rkin off for a while andsam sez the core is an artificial black hole in a magnetic field and it cant activate on its own
Dr Jack Van Impe said Black Holes are sorta like h e double england so i think i see where this is hedded
morpheos sez to seal the room
1 chick sees her kid in a tent with rotting legs but its not real
the crew sees ffootage of the 1st crew about to test the fold system and the footage spazzes out
the coore reactivates and sucked guy is seizuring and sez the dark is comming
darkness neosphere in attack mode!
so allen grant from jurassic park iii goes in thiscyber tunnel and f;s wiith things and the power flickers amd eyeless chick is next to him for a sec
this is seeming a bit like that movie sphere
in the core room the ooze forms a guy and burns or w/e
the crew goes over their encounters and 1 guy ickers annd pulls a knife on a  guy
idea; larry fishbern as vince grant in tthe live action robotech
1 chick sez the visions area defese reaction to people ad the ship might be alive
lke farscape?
so they got 010 hours left and 1 chick hears banging and sparks fly and she runs and something trys to bang down thedoor
sucked guy goes to the airlock w/o a suit and tries to get asploded in space
he fears the dark in him froom  being in the hole and dint wanna live after seeing what he saw
thenhe has an autism attack and turns normasl and tthe door opens and he pules blood but larry pushes his a55 back in and they save him
they talk and sam sez the dark inside him ine isnt real and larry busts his a55 over his not telling them anything
so larry has viet namek flashbacks aout somethin going f'd and his team mate beiing left behind in space fire
the ship knew about it and latin guy sez he found more l\tin that sez it really said "save yourself from h-ll"
as this ship was beyond the universe its been to and from there
they check the footage and its the 1st crew being b0ned and chopped up and sh-t and in horrid torment
larry wants to blow the ship and the ship core starst sucking power from it
sam dont want larry to blow it and when larry sez he's gonna cooperate or walk him, sam sez, i am home! and sinks into the shadows
1 chick is gonna leave the core but sees her son and goes back and falls off a thing and hbites it
she aint gonna be in event forizion 2: event harder
sam finds her and then goes to a room with a mirror and sees eyeless chick who;s haunting him but with eyes and its just a vision
he sees her slice her whists in da tub and bite it and then she has no eyes and sez shes gonna show him things and pops his eyes
in real life he's holding his face and falls
then sucked guy blows the ship they were gonna go back on and himself back to h e doubel california
other black guy is floating in space after that but gets his thrusters back in and regains control
sam come back, eye;ess and super strong as your other senses are heightened w/o  one and wastes a guy
larry and blonde find sam w/o eyes and he sez; where we're going, we wont need eyes to see
and the ship is now alive and tor a hole in the universe
and hes sending it back
blonde teys to ice sam but he takes her out with 1 arm
other black buy hits the ship and it blows and air gushes ou and sa gets his a55 sucked out
larry elder catches a cable and gets to the seal dopr and blocks it to save blonde chick
huh, the black guy acrificed himself to save the virgins
wait, hes ok and they got 7 mins to sop the gravity matrix by blowing the ship and using it as a lifeboat
larry goes to set the charges and this big thing of red ooze busts out and soaks blonde
totally not like the shining
burned guy comes back, sez; u let me burn! and blasts fire at fally lishbuirn who outruns it
he then throws larry and larry sez its not his guy he left and it turns into sam all scarred up who sez its time to go back
he shows a fash flashing thing of people f'd up and suffering and larry sez teir aint dead
after larry tries beating sam with a rob, sam beats him down and larrys offers to go in the others place
after more visions of a blue h-ll, larry blows the ship in 2 to save the virgins and  the big part war[ps back to h e  double ireland
the blonde and black guy are alive and safe in the piece and 72 days later these guys go onand sez theres 3 survivors, including the guy who got sucked (i though he bit it)
after getting em outta their pods, the gguy takes off his mask and its sam
but its just a dream and the real rescue crew sez they are safe
the end
then credits to 90s music
that was pretty good
weird, dark, not as f;d as i thought but they cut all the amputee p0rn0
good acting and music and themes
good twists
good designa dn feel
its a well done horror film
its got that 90s feel sorta like Virus with Mila Jolovich and starship troopers
its got decent gore and doesn't drag
it has good flow and doesnt feel like its that long
i liked it and understan why its a cult movie like the room or the thing
btw, if daemons and h-ll are real in here, why didnt anyone pray?
For event Horizon 2 i want it to be the 2060s and the ship returns near the moon. its also got multiple ships constructed and palnds to infect the earth and turn it into a h-llhole. but the gov has been ready having been warned by the survivors of the 1st movir and have holy weapons and blessed bullets to fight the daemons. also its a 16 bit shmup on sega genesis, snes, atar jaguar, gba and tg16 where you play as one or nore ships in vertivcal and horizantal levels fighting weird la blue girl/h r giger abombinations.

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

The Boy In The Plastic Bubble Review

note; i spell Bubblicious (It took e a while to find how that was spelled by typing it on youtube and wikipedea and seeing the dro[ down suggestions)
the boy in the plastic bubble
this is my review on the boy in the plastic bubble from the distant future year of 1976
its directed by Randal Kleiser who did grease, the blue lagoon and big top pee wee (where he gets g cup implants)
it stars john travolta, P. J. Soles from Halloween 01 and Carrie, Kelly WaRD (who's a dude) who was Fitor in GoBots(eww!), Vernee Watson  from the 80s G I Joe Movie and no one else I know of
its based on real peoople with crippled dna or w/e
so it starts with a dr dropping by a couples farm to say they ate pregnant
they hope this one lives and worry it might have 0 immunity to stuff
then title and a montage to sofy piano of her going into the hospital to poop it out
wtf buzz aldrten is in this?!
so after a sterile offscreen dilivery, they put him in a glass bo and da rents see him
but dr comes in and sez he has 0 immunities and has to stay in a sterile environment until he evolves an immune system or they find a treatment
i vener saw this b4 but seinfeld made fun of it
so i assume he bites it in the end like that aids carrier in The Cure or Philedelphia
people with severe medical issues dont survive these kinda movies
at least he's not in africa, where they think b0ning a virgin cures aids and they are outta virgins ecept nerwborns
thats not a joke. look it up
although he has no immune system so not sure aids would do anything to him
so later the rents talk about how hard it would be to arrage a sterile envoinrmtnt to have him teravel as a healthy kid plays on the swing with his mommy
so yars later, hes a kid with jet black hair unlike both his parents (making me think of maury) and lives in a plastic area shielded off og humanity withgloves in da wall like hes nucular
later they are taking his tank around as the medis wateches and this blonde sees him and he sees her
i assume they are gonna fall in love
what is this? the butterfly effect?
later the battlepod gets the air cut off and they kid coughs
why?! hes onyl not getting oxygen
his body wont kknow he's getting c02
wait, he was choaking on a marble
my mistake
so they slap his back and he coughs it up
btw, the famil'ys name is lub-tch
like ernst? the excellent austtrian jewish director from the 20s?
he did good stuff
student prince in old heidelburg
i cried
later he's in this glass area and the blonde girl (like in every speilburg movie?) comes by and wants to play with him and they mouth on the glass like in midnight express
ohhhhhh billy!!!!
later some teens are smoking cuz its cool and they talk about the kid who's always inside and has no friends his own age
and he has a little pet germ free mouse
my cousin has a peet snake and i had a pet tarantula
our pets eat your pet!
so i guess its the futturte as hes not devolved into john travolta, despite none of his official parents being el italiano(you are NOT the father!! black guys: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!)_
later da dr coomes by and plays chess with travolta and sez theres a japanese treatment that might evolve him an immune system
dr sez travolta has the best excuse to not grow up and is being chilidish
he's malcontent and dont care abotu the world (rambo; f==k da wolrd) and gets a little b--chy
later he eats dinner  next to his rents and they say the school board donated a closed curcit tv system that lets him skype with school to take classes
he gets triggered and goes to bed as they are eating dinner at 10pm
then he watches a neighbor through the winder like some kinda degenerate
in the real version he was probably j-rkin off and she was getting changed
as no one can come in. imagine if he was j-rkin off all the time and the area was coated in j-zz
sounds like the adam sandler version
so later da schoolhooks the tv to the thing and hes on a tv screen and has a cam that moves to watch  the class
he chesks out this chick and they talk about truman and kennedy and l bj and f dr
1 kid is chewing gum which is banned in 90s schools) and travolta knows of the new deal
he makes faces on the screen and the class laffs at him
later the teens are at da beach and the chick is wearing a bikini
she sez travolta wont go out in punblic in his bubble as it would make him feel like a freak on display
now we got my 600lb life where people shower and get hosed off in the back yard on live tv
so travolta is dancing lim a jacka55 to bad disco  and chick comes in wearing a coat over her light blue bikini and sees him
woulnt he be in his undies all the time?
i would
i am right now!!
he has an open area with a vent that keeps germs out and he cant go past and they talk
he sez he miight get out someday and she invites him to an independence day party at da beach
later they drive him around in a glass box at da beach and he seez chick riding a horse
wouldnt he be milky white from getting 0 sun and burn easy?
so he likes her ghorse and seeing her ride it
later its night and 1 teen offers a chick 2$ in 70s money to hold someones hand through the fireworks
oh its travoltia
she dos and gets him to think she likes him and fireworkks go oof
imagine her j-rkin him off with those reversable gloves?
maybe in the adam sandler version
she runs off to get her cash and he wants more of her but she sez it was a dare and not srs
what a b--ch
f--king with his heart
he's gonna snap and shoot the place uop
he spazzes out and thrashes around wanting to be let out
so they take him to toe hospital and give him a special room for immunity f;d people and he has a room mate in another bubble
they guy is knda annoying and travolta ignores him
thhis f;;s the room mate and he spazzes out and goes mental
this annoys travolting enuff to talk to his a55
later room mate talks abou how he misses chicks and as soon as he gets out hes gonna find a h--ker and live in filth
up next on tlc!
later he meets buzz aldren who was on the alleged moon landing and gives him an item and they talk about his quarentine over space aids from the moon
oh its on a tv special
nowadays he's have a reality show like those midgets
chick is watching and feels bad abotu ignoring his crippled a55 all these years
she sees the only way to atone for her sins and whips out a katana and comitts seppuku
later she gets work at soome pplace as she needs cash an she's not ready to be a h---ker
she goes to help travolta but hes disgruntled over her b--chery
he asks why shes doing this and thinks  his dad made her andthat shes being payed
shesez yes and hat she wanted it
hes kinda aiutismy with taking things literally as he never watched all in the family amd she explains she was gonna do it 4 free and they talk about theeir teacher
he sez he only wears shorts as its warm in thereand cant shower but as theres no germs theres no stink
later they talk about woody wilson and his cr-pmobule the league of nations and travolta combs his hair like hes italian or something
ayyyyyyy vinnie barvarino danny zukko!!
later she comes by and sez she couldnt come yesterday as she had to stay after class and danny zuko dont believe her
she's f ing out at school ezcept in art cuz i guess shes a bimbo and barbarino offers to neuter i mean tuter her for a 1 doller an hour
she asks how he likes her hair and if he finds heer prerty
she wants to cheet off his paper and he does so even though theres no reason to have him  on screen during a test
teacher catches him but he sez hes finished and he's ok with it
later he goes out in a box to getta tan even though hes el italiano
he sez his rents never do anything for themselves and theyask if he blames em for allowing him to be born
he sez he loves em and is glad they made him
good pro life message
even the disabled have the right to exist
look at that britmo steven hawking
he couldnt wpe his own a55
would it be right to put him to sleep?
i mean he's in h-ll now, but when he was alive i mean
later i think his rents go to vacation and chick comes by saying she  did better at school with his help and wnts to dom do something speacil with him
so battlefiend earth comes out in his box pushed by a hag and chick
they have a battery and extension chord on his box for the air or w/e and he watches her ride a horse
hes imppressed by her speed (wait til he sees sega genesis!) and wants her to jump his extension chord
wait, he waits her to jump over hiim
well this will end welll
holy cr-p it worked!
i expected it to knock him over and he's bite it
so they smooch through da glass like kirk and spock in star trek 2 but with mouths
so his rents come back and ask if chickjumped the travolta but pulp fiction sez she  was drunk annd he wants a space suit to go to school
that will totally not make him stand out
also; isnt that just a big c0nd0m?
so he goes out in a red boroid and goes to school annd tthe class claps for him
he has to plug his suit in (jack in mega man!!(although hes more Zeri as his suit is red)) and sits alone and the other 25 year old teens come to chat with him
he can go for 90 mins on 1 charge and they offer to walk by the football field
they say its not a joke and he has em turn his bat terry on
he se he sh-s and p-sses like astronaughts; in a diaper
at the field they hold him down and gand butt hammer him all over as he screams for help
jk they just laught like idiots and i think they are doing chronic
travolta sez he uses mind techniques to out of body travel
you mean astral projection?
that's dangerous
some daemons might get ur empty body
they are on drugs and think hes from space and he bets a guy he can beat him in push ups
my guess; he p-sses the guy off and the guy kills him later
so travolting wiins ashes not a syoner and his air tank buzzes and they gotta get him to the bubble
they get him there and he brings his suit in even though it was on the grass where jocks bleed steroids and aids and gatorade and he sez "dont tell my dad"
daddy's gonnaa whip yo a55 boy!!
lsster its night and chick is rhere and p-ssed at him nearly getting iced and he sez he wanted to ahow hes not a cripple and wants to be a real man
He Man!
she gets disgruntledand se shes worried of being more than friends and leaves
shhe gets home and travolto calls and asks to go to the beach
lateer shes in a one piece cuz she didnt shave get belly and hes in his red zaku and they fly a kite
later its nighht and he sez ne never had the red suit as a id as he never thought about going out
they cuddle in his latex condo and soft piiano plays
in thereal vetsiob they were b0ning
later its graduation day and the guy from carrie isin his red eva and goes up in ablue gownd
he graduated high school although i dont thinkhe did grade school
later chick coes by and sez she got a college to sovuet new york for art and its all cuz of him like lom chaney in the unknown
then da dr comes by and tom jtaviota wants to know when he can leave and what would happen if he left now
dr sez he dont know and theres a chance a cold could ice hi
then dr leaves as 3 sentences was worthh a car trip and coouldnt be done on da phone
later its knight and travolta sleeps naked, wait, hes got tight boxers, and puts on a shirt andleaves his plastic womb
see you in h-lll jonny boy!
they play a 70s song and its kinda niice
he goes out and feels air and outside
btw this is fullscreen so no black bars eating half the pictue
he meets chick and feels her face and sez its soter than he imagined
soundd like a serial killer line
wjat is tis? face/off?
they rife a horse together and the credits roll
the end
that was pretty good
nice, light, meaningful, positive, heart, good pacing
i'm told to mention fabio in this review but i'm notr sure how or why
i liked it and it has a good feel and look to it
sorta like carrie
the music and actibg is good and its got good wood like colors like the 70s had
they could put this on the history channel as its semi based on real people
better than 10 000 bc
for the boy in the plastic bubble 2 i want him to have a reaction to the outside world and the virrus's clash witrh his immune system and he devolves into some kind of slug like aope. the movie is him devilving as his rents try to find a cure and soon he's a living ple of slop that's not fully solid or liquid like that guy in batman beyond after inque gave him half a dose. also its a 16 bit puzzle mini game collection on gba, snes, gensis, tg16 and atari jaguar where you play as the devolving travolta and gotta do things to get enopugh points to unlock the next area and it gets harder as you devolve more.

Sunday, May 17, 2020

Plan 9 From Outer Space Review

Note; my spelling is as quality as this film
plan 9 from outer space
thhis is my review of plan 9 from outer space from 1959
its directed by Ed Wood who Tim Burton did a biopic on and is considered one of the best so bad its good films
its got tor johnson and vampira and has criswell the psychic and a fdew shots of bela lugosi who bit it years b4 this was filmed
so it starts with criswell talking about the future and this is the full tory of what happened some day
is this all dont in 1 take?
man, so much for being the worst film ever
then credits on tombstones and then these guys hav a memorial for someone who just bit it
with much overdone narration
afterward this plane with a curtain instead of a door for the pilots encounters a flying thingand they are rather calm about it
o the grave diggers out there for the guy see vampira and she ices em offscreen
so the husband of the chick who dbit it (he was married to vampira?! hot!!) can't take being without her and goes off and bites it
after he's put in a crypt thse friends of his  come by the wacked grave diggers and get the cops
officer tor johnson and his bumbling underling show up an look around
laterthe pilot tells his woman of the thing he saw and how da gov made em not report it
and it happened b4
then it flys by and blows em around by air blasts or w/e
same with the graveyard
so then the husband is undead and comes out, covering his face like dracula andhe and vampira take out tor after he uselessly fires at em
the other cops get there and find his body and start eating it
so its peobably the same night and they berry tor and the next day or month or w/e (its never said) the flying things go over soviet california or w/e this is set and everyone seez
they go all over america back in the 50s when people werent sissy's who spazz out when you dont call them by their fursona namme andthe army attackswith stock footage
it does jack sh-t and jack is j-rkin off
wait... is this where Roboteh Season 2 got it from?
the military going all out and doing nothing?
Robotech ripped off Plan 9?!
a army guy sez they tried contqacting em b4 and when da zenttraedi attacked, da gov covered it up
its said this attack was a traiining nanueever and they wrre firing at clouds
on the space things, the invid say they tried contacting da gov and nothing worked so they gonna try plan 09; making zombies
so this is b4 george romewro did night of the living deaad
so they go down to da urth from a mother ship like in robotech season 2 and dont seem evil
pilot comes out and has a moment wth his woman and goes off to work for a few days
so they bring back the husband whos sometimes bela lugosi and its daytime
later this chick is in bed and totally bela lugosi comes in covering his face  and she runs out like hes a purvo
its night now and she runs through the graveyard and vapira is there
tor rises from his grave as azombie which i think alteree beast took this from and has an iconic face
she runs and it keeps switching from day and night and a guy gets her in his car and drives away
so later da cops come by and i guess theres some kinda eclipse as the graveyand is dark anf the fields are light
the perytons  invide the zombies into the shiip and takesd off
the cops think the stories are full of sh-t and 1 detective sez somethings up
they chat if its an alien and they see the tor cop grave is robbed
so this colonel sez to a general that if he openly sez they are seeing space things, it could get him court martialed
in real life thy'd just ice him
colonel sez its real and now they have a lannguage computer that translates their stuff into english american
he plays a message saying how they know they can understand em and they are far beyond em and they can wipe out earth  if they want but wanna try peace
also they see the humans ignoring them as them not wanting to be friendly on terms and humans might destroy the universe
he shuts off da tape b4 it sez  more and tells general to check out soviet california
in space the head of the tiresians sez to the guy in charge of the earth mission he's f--kin it up and is having his fleet reduced
then tor comes in and nearly wacks the earth mission guy and they stop him
they go over their resources and plan to sacrifice not lugosi
they want to shock the people awake by showing them the walking dead
so later general goes by and chats with pilot about his sightings and they noticesomething out there
they see not lugosi and empty their guns into him for no effect and eventually the tirolians use a beam to ice him into a skeleton
then check the tor grave and the karbarrans send tor to get the humans in their space thing
the haydonites talk about how they might have to ice em to save the universe
the cops come in with guns and the spherians show themthe wife of the pilot was fainted
they tell em the govrefuses to accept them and goes on a wordy tirade about how mans weapons are getting too strong
with nukes they can f sstuff up and noe they might use a sun nuke that the humans will figger out sooner or later
it blows sunlight and everuthing it touches and he goes on bad logic saying how its possible
so he spazzes out calling them stoopid too much and gets slapped out
they admit they believe in God (totally not like the day the earth stood still) and how when humans make da sun nuke, it'll blow everything the sunlight touched
and thus; the universe
I Xyz Summion: Number Infinity! The Universe!! In Attack Mode!
after some bickering and space jockey sez cr-p about his planet
btw; the space monkeys not being evl and wanting to do good at the cost of men is from robotech
so tor has pilots  woman like hes cesar from the cabinet of dr caligari and the garudan sezhe can have her iced at any time
da bumbling cops see tor and decide not to use guns as they failed em b4
1 cop nails tor in the skul; with wood like hes marty mcsorely and saves the chick
theres a scuffle in the ship as the cops are otside and female ptaxian trys to get it in da air
the asjjip catches fire and the humans beat up the guys and leave em as the ship taks off
they see tors bones and expect vampira will skeletonie w/o the space monkeys and there may be more
the ship blows and the guy from the start sez "can u prove this didn't happen?" and points out several inventions over the 20th century seemed impossible and now are common
He asks God to help us in the future and credits to over dramastic music
the end
what a ride
its cheezey and hokey and silly
but charming
is not much different than most bad 50s sci fi schlock and aside from the bad acting and writing, wasnt too bad
i liked it and ive seen bits of it b4 but watching it from start to end was nice
plus its fullscreen and in b/w
its inspired a lot of 80s things and has heart and fun and yeah, it took a bit from day the earth stood still, bust has its own charm
nowdays this would be released by the asylum and be cheesey on purpose
it has some good ideas and is still entertaining
its nowhere near the worst film ever made and i enjoyed watching this cheesy b movie
for play 9 from outer space 2  i want it to b the 60s and j fk is prez. the space guys come and j fk surrenders to them thinking america is no match. but nixon takes over and nvils he's reverse engeneered a battle fortress from their captured tech and engages in a battle with them. using a lighter form of the sun nuke, they are able to target which sunlight pops and use it to blow away the ships. but the space junkies decide to take out earth b4 they get more advanced to the full sun nuke. they gang blast the earth and wipe out many countries but using the solar nuke, they clear out the fleet. then in plan 9 from outer space 3; the people are surviving in a nuked wasteland in the 80s and its got cyborgs and hovercycles and wasteland warriors and some of the aliens are living with them and have devolved into savages who eat people alive. also they are 8 bit nes, gb sega master system and game gear,  tg16, atari jaguar and lynx and atari 7800 games where in 2 you play as the battle fortress and use a grid based thing to plot how the sun nuke goes and in part 3 its a beat em up like doubel dragon.

Friday, May 15, 2020

The Blob Review

Note: i spell B movie style
The Blob
This is my review on The Blob from 1958
I never saw it b4 but hear its good
its the 1st movie to star steve mcqueen and no one else i heard of
Robert Axelrod from Power Rangers and Robotech was in the 80s remake but I never saw dat
so it stars with a cheesy 50s song beware of the blob to weird animation
so these teens in their 30s are in a car and see a shooting star (dragon in attack mode)
so something hits the ground and this dog barx at it and this farmer goes to czeck it oot
he finds a meteror (black dragon in attack mode) anf this j-zz is on it
it gets on his hand and burns and he scrapes it off and runs
the teens go up to find the shooting star dragon and nearly runs into the farmer wjo's spazzing out over the goo on his hand
they drive him to a dr who sees his hand has rotted black
main guy goes back to his car and some teens say he beat their champoin somehow by going to town and they wanna race
he don't consent but they pushh and  he relnts
they race backwards and i think he wins and the cops show up
the cop hassles him for reckless driving and main teen mcqueen admits to driving backwards
the cop lets him go and mcteen chats with the other teens and they are gonna go to the movies
meanwhile, dr sez the j-zz on the farmers rm is assimilating it and he needs help
meanwhile the teens in their 30s find the meteor and play with it
they go to da farm house cuz they hear the dog and it comes out
it bites steve mcqueen in his man parts and tears em off in a spray of red and white as he screams and violently deffacates
the gf decides to steal the dog saying it would stave with its owner gone (for all they know, its just for the night)
a nurce comes to help farmer but farmer is gone and devolved into the goo and is a jelly sphere
so is he dead or is his consciousness still in there and needs to be freed and is aware like in devilman with jinmen?
nurse throws acid on the joo and dr trys a gunbut nurse knox over a lamp when spazzing out and it eats her
he shoots the gell as bullets will totally work on a pile of ooze with no organs or bones and the teens arive at the drs place
mcteen sees the dr being b0ned by the slime in the window and he  freaks out and tells his gf
at da cop place the cops talk about chess (as batman plays chess and is cool) and the teens tell em the goo ate the dr but the cops dont buy it
they check it out anyway and 1 cop stays behind and plays chess on the radio
so other cop and mcteens chech out the drs place and theres nothing
gf wonders where the dog went
who cares?! its a dog! peoople are being eaten alive and you worry about a rodent?! what nextt? worrying about the cenitpedes and wasps?! he ewas just... a monkey!!
so the cops think the busted up place is by the teens and its a trick
a geezer comes in and sez the dr left for a medical con and mcteen sez its not true
she has logical explainations for everything
they think the teen is full of sh-t and leave
later 2 mechanics are working in a garage and get eated by da blob
at the station, gf's dad comes by and thinks mcteen is up to no good and the teens sitck to their story
mcteens dad sez mcteen is not a liar and gf se she didnt actually see what mctwwn saw
da teens go home and the cops wonder if something is really happening
later at home, gf tells her kidd bro who sounds like he's 2 but looks 10 shes going out and she'd bring him a dog
mcteewn meets with gf and goes over the events of the movie to 50s soft msuic
he wonders if its real and she supports him
they go to da movies to get their teen homies and try to get em to walk outta a movie they paid good 50s money for
they do and hee tells em of the blob and they need to make people believe it
and unlike global warming; its real
manwhile, da cops say theres places with no people and the place is still on like the guys just vanished
its the rapture!!
if only the cops were baptized!
so mctwwn goes to a party and are mocked so they leave them too be devoured
the teens ask the townspeople what dto do like in zelda or castlevania or a jrpgs and no one is useful ike castlevania 2
steve mcafrica goes to this guys stotre and no one is there
then they see da blob and gf faints so mcnugget carrys her out
imagine if this were today and she was a fat chick and he couldnt lift her 400lb body?
they hide in a room but da blob starts oozing under da door
didn't revenge of the living zombies aka flesh eater do this too?
a young couple hiding in a place during an apocalypse?
so the blob leaves em and goes for the dog and gf crys for it cuz she's a p-tz who thinks animal lives matter
spoiler; pigs are smarter than dogs and people eat bacon
and octopi are smarter than apes. we eat takoyaki
so they look out and it seems clear and they book it
they meet the other teens and say the thing is in the store and call da cops
the cops dont buy it and think the kids are after em cuz of his war record
the teens decide to take matters into their own hands and theres a lot of noise outside
the air raid signal goes off and i think its the commies commin for us
its red dawn 0!!
the gfs rents see gfs out and bro sez shes out
mcaids is in the town square and sez he made da noise to gettheir attention and just wants to talk but the people want him strung up
mcflurry sez hes not joking as hes scared and not laffing and 1 cop buys it and lrts him tokk
cop then tells everyone to go home and tells his men to get da uns as in america its we the people and in england its we who are subserviant to the regent
so at the theatre da blob comes in aand eventually da people flee
mcwhopper, gf and her bro and others are stuck in a diner and da blob is coing in and on it
a cop wants to drop a power line on it to zap it and calls diner to telll mc mac and me to get to da basement
it does jack sh-t and tthe diner catches fire
if the blob is a poison type, use psychic and ground to beat it
btw this is in fullscreen and color
so it looks like they're f'd and it trys to be bummer
they fire extinguisher the fire and the cold c02 makes the blob retreat
is it a dragon type?
is this where goodra came from?
they somehow tell da cops wjo get all the c02 things to blast da blob
so in a few hoursthe sun will thaw it out and cop calls da army to fly it to da artic
all in a few hours??
is he tommy wiseau sending chris r to jail?
so cop sez it cant bw wacked they got it stopped as long as the aetic stays cold
then they drop it in the artic
the end
then the the end turns into a  ?
that was pretty good
nice clean 50s movie
good feels
good sense of danger and feel with a warm look
its got good music and color and acting and a good atmosphere
good twists and a nice lite but strong feel
it hold upnd never drags
goees by pretty fast actually
its got good flow and the effects are well done
for the blob 2 i want the soviets to make their way to the artic to get the blob and use it for their research to fight america. half of it is their trek to there to fight mammoths and yeti and snow daemons and the other half is it getting loose and eating them as they try to stop it. its also a 16 bit action game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, gba, and atari jaguar where you play as this soviet with metal limbs after he was drawn and quartered by the Germans in the war and fight the snow daemons and other cryptids of the north. and the final boss is da blob.

Monday, May 11, 2020

Mommie Dearest Review

Note I spell so bad its good
Mommie Dearest
this is my revuew on mommie dearest from 1981
its based on a book by Chrustina Carwford qho was born on my b daty and was adopted by crazy joan crawford
People denied this happened but you never know
its got faye dunaway from Bonny and Clide (I almost said benny and joon) and no one else I know
its directed by frank perry and i never saw this but heard its crazy
it got razzies and became a weird cult flm
so it starts with it being like 4 am and someone gets up and scrubs her hands and face mentaklly
the music is pretty good and she goes to a limo and reads a script on da way
at mgm studios she gets made up and goes to do a  film scene
later shes cleaning and looks over her perfected house and whines about a mistake that was made
in real life she had severe ocd and once had the pipes torn out of the house after learning a plumber cr-pped in her toilet
to be fair; people while when theres stains in the toilet
which is also insane as ur not meant to eat outta it!!
what next? whining about dust on the doormat?
so after taking a shower with a guy she visits some kids and later she sez she wants a kid
she had 7 kids who bit it b4 bbirth with her last hiusband abnd her bf who's a laywer sez no agency would let her have a kid
also it would be bad for her career
she tries to adopt but the agency sez she's not fit andd she gets kinda  b--chy a bit and leaves
to  be fair; she had some teeth ro,oved to make her cheekbones stand out
she might ritual sacrifice the kid to get better parts too
so sonehow they get her a baby and leter theres a carmival or fair or w/e for a birthday dor the kid
joan has her call her mommie dearewst and she adopts a boyu
kid has a grass stain and gets cvhanged and they take studio photos
later kid getsa doll aND LOVes it and joan lets her keep that 1 butthe rest go to poor kids
bf comes by and gives her a present and joan lets her keep it too
later joan makes her dive in the pool over and over to get it right and joan dont want her kid to ber spoiled so she keeps her stressed
joan b--ches to bf about not getting a role ahe wants and gets him to try to get it for her
joan then swims with daughter and wins desopite getting a head start and after losing again, daughteff dont wanna play anmore
joan b--ches out, beats on her, and locks gewr in a poolhouse
in degrassi next gen; that;'s where zoe got b0ned
later joan is eunning against a car to atay in shape and afyer comming back all sweaty and gets a call saying mayer of m g m (he's the m) saying joan gets da part she wanted
she sees daughter pretending to be her and b--ches out at her cuts out the setting llotion from her blone haiir to ruin her for school
then they both cry as oan was nuts
later she meets some bankers and a studio guy (ogh its mayer) for dinner
later she b--ches about being usedas a hot chick to makke the studio look good and bf tells her she shouldve just played ball
she b--ches about her career and bf sez she gottta adapt
she sez she knows iof all the dirty coveriups and how bf was in on em (as its soviet california wherepeople get b0ned dead)(weinstein noo!)(No woody allen! I dont consent!) and bf shakes her a bit and tewlls at her
she tells him if he goes, dont come back, and he gets outta that madhouse as she sez "dont leave me!"
crazy b-ch
soo later shes cutting bfs face outta da picturesand her kids come infor a few secs aand leave as daughter sez"if she dont like u, she can make u dissappear"
so they did j fk and daiana?
later da kids are playing in da garden and joan b--ches out about then playing loud and yells at the help
later daughter sez sorry annd joaan sends her to the room and catches daughter talking like joan to a doll or her brother(i cant tell which)
later daughter acts for joan
si joan meets lewy b mayor and he wants her out asshes box office poison
she blames the scripts and directors but mayer sez they woorkked with others
he sez they already packed her cr-op and are loading her cr-pmobile car
at night she goes mental and destroys her rose garden and gets daughter to bring da ax and cjops down a ttree
later joann works with the help to prqctive a scene from minerva driver or mildred pierce or w.e
later the hekp comforts daughter
later joan tryss to make daughter eat raw meat saying its rare as cooking meet ruins its vitamins and woont let her get up til its done
later its night ands shes still sitting there and joanmakes her put da meet in da fridge
the next day, joaan wants her to eat the cold meat and makes her put iit in tthe trash
laateer its da oscars and joan wins but shes at hime woth a cold
she greets fans outside and later she goes through daughters closet and finds a fdress on a wire hanger
she freaks out and emptys the closet to see if theres more and finds 1
then she whips daughters a55 with a wire hanger and tells her to clean up the mess
then asks her if she scrubbed da bathroom floor and makes her call her mommie dearest for the 3rd time this filmn
then they scrub the floor as its not good enuff for her
like people who vaccuum every week ever if theres not dirt or no one went on it
after spilling chemicals everywhere, she tells daughter to clean up the mess
son ofers to help but daughter sez no as she dont want him punished too
later its christmas and they do a radio thing of act like its a good fam
later daughter gets this nrw bf a scotch and joan is doing some weird cat like leg thing and later daughter sees em nearlu b0nning
so joan sends her to this school to live and then i think its years later and shes an adult and in an acting class
later she has dinner with joann amnd joan orders  steak rare which s-cked as steak is a55
burgers are good but steak you gotta chew like 30x each bite and its never done
joan b--ches at her for standing up for herself andhas her come over tohelp after joan let the help go
at home joan sez shes low on cadash and needs aughter to do a work scholorship program
her contract with warnes f'd out (warner f'd her tract) and she crys
later daughter seez joann blacked out and the new help sez shes drink and bought a lot of cr-p the other day
latter at school, daughter is making out with a guy and joan b--ches at the headmaster and takes daughter home
later this geezer chick is in the house and joan told her daughter got kicked out
daughter sez its a lie and when she stands up to joan, joan slaps her and b---ches out
daughter asks why joanie adopted her and joan b--ches out more aboyt not getting respect
daughter sez shes  not one of joans fans and joan trys to  kill her by strangling
good f--k man!!
the new hekp pulls joann off and laater joan sends daughter to aa nunnery with no phone oor leaving and told them lies about dauughter
so its jail?
is this a prison movie??
later joanie marries chachi or w/e annd hes a pepsi ceo
cole tastes better but i dont mind pepsii
later daughter returns annd meets pepsi man and later they are rennovatiing
dauughter needs csoome cash and joan wont give her any
pepsiman sez they gota cut backk on spending but joan wants to live high and dont get that pepsi is a public company and they cant pay everything
later i tthink pepsiman bit it and the board wantsjoans shares bit she wont budge and wants to stay on the broad of directors
she sez she's bash them and f their company and they let her stay
later joann changed her hair amd chats with dauughter who is trying out for a soup opera and joan gives her a necklace
they hug and latr joab watches her daughter in the show
later, daughter is eating and has pain and calls joanie
after they get her tumor fizedand while shrs recoering, joan takesd her daughters part on da show
so later joan is biting it and her daughter accepts an award for her
after joan bites it, daughter reuniteswith the help and they are glad to meet
help sez joan loved her and later daughter finds out joan cut her out of her will
a guy i dont knowsez joan always has da last word and daughtr sez; does she?
the end to good music credits
that wasnt so bad
i liked it
yeah its kinda over the top nut you gotta go that when showing the mentally disturbed
i liked it and its unintentionally fuunny at times, but harsh how she put up with stuff like dat
i wasnt there and some of joans kids denied this story, but ither said its true
its a strong film and i enjoyed watching it and it goes by at a good pace, doesnt drag and doesnt feel like over 2 hours
for mommie dearest 2 i want it to be about the daughter writing the book and dealing with joans fans coming after her to try to stop her. also she's taken ung fu classes and now knows ho to kick a55. also its a 16 bit beat em uo with her and her brother as the players on sgea genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba and you beat up fans after you and try to get the book to the publisher.

Sunday, May 10, 2020

Varsity Blues Review

Note: my spelling s-cked but sports s-cked harder!
varsity blues
this is my revuew on varsiity blues from 1999 (The year the dreamcast and sdf-1 macross landed)
i never saw this but its on aand imma try it
its directaled by brian robbins who did good burger and norbit and hardball
its got james van der beek fro  dawsons creek, jon voight paul walker 4 he learned to drive, amy smart, ron (MOses) lester, ali larter from resiident evil, rickard linebacj from twister and a friday the 13st sequel, thomas f duffy from dearh wish 02 and the  kid from beethon 4 who's actor vanished years ago (probably like with j fk)
so it starts with narration wherew a guy sez america has laws but texas has its own laws which i assume to mean some kinda mad max thing
so footbatt is everything to them and their city is named after thse city in the bible wherre they ritual sacrificed kids(note; the mayans did that too)
so his kid bro is Religious and wears a cross on his back to play Savior and dad hates it as it interferes with footnball
so ddawsons fata55 friend comes by with a fata55 pig in his truck, theuir black friend in the back with it, and fata55 drinking his moonshine
i think they're red necks
so they pick up a few guys and 1 guy wants to b0ne butt and jokes (i hope its a joke0 about b0ning the pig
now squeeel like a pig!!
or to quote stepmother sin; imagine what she would think of the sight of her mother being f----ed in thr a55 like a pig?!
so they have a poop rally and this christopher walken looking dude vows to win
i expected more blondes in this texas thing
so theres only a few games left and dawdon wants to be over with foosball
also he makes out with a chick
in da lokker room they chat and 1 guy gets a needle in the knee for his cripple-itis
then theres the game and they hammer each other
you know, there aint many old football players
most bite it from brain damage
so after a play, fata55 bites it but gets back up for moreafter an obvious concussuon
his thinkin days are over
so walken is p-ssed at dawson for reading books instead of gettng brain damage and after the game thr black guy sez his knee's f'd
1 pther guy takes pills for his knee
then theres a teen party like in degrassi jr high where spike got pregnant with emma and fata55 chuggs booze as i guess hes not brain damaged enuff
after barfing in the washing machin and offering the barf to a couple making ou, he goes back for more
so later  theres prwxtice and 1 dink comes u with his  own play and walken grinds his a55 for it
later its a bbq and a dad dootvalls and it escalates to an argument about who's som is better
dad puts a beercan on his head for daWSON to nail off and dawson nails him in da face
those eyes are comming out!
later in school, da teacher trys to tewch the kids about b0ning and fata55 goes to the bathroom to j-rkk off
after coming back he blacks out and later in da nurses offce he tells walken nuurse sed not to play
walken gets him to play snyway and i guess thats the end of him
then its da game and fata55 isnt feeling so hot
imagine if his body ruptured abd his gutts spilled all over da floor?
so fata55 blacks out on fa fiend and w//o him to protech the hero, star player gets crippled
that legs comming off
so dawson comes in and kicks a55
affter a game they say star is crippled and he shouldn't havve been playing
coach walken and dad are only bummed when they hear he cant play
a game means more than health
and people bash yugioh for people neasrly getting crucified playing card games
so dawson takes this blonde home and she changes in the car in front of dawson to seduce him
what a butt sl-t
she was stars gf but is done witrh him now that his cripplege
dont trust her!
she's probably got AIDS!!
he drops her off and she tried to tempt him as he goes
so at da party da cips stop by andthis meathead jokes about the cops being b0ned and they scare him into going
he jack the cop car and drives off
later a cop sez the teen pressed his parts on the glass at a womans club
but coach walken gets da cops to let it slide
those teens need a beat down
my great gandma beat the black off my grandpa in the 20s
he made it to 94.5
these teens are gonna wind up full of holes
and not just in the a55
so dawson kicks a55 at a game and the 5kanks are into him now but he dont like it
on an interview wit a radio guy he acts tough and is actually gettiing into the fame and his gf dont like it
also cripple star (sounds like a handicapped kirby thing) hears the interview
then in practice they give fata55 da ball snd he f'd it up
coaxk walkin rides dawsons a55 for scrwing around
later blonde trys to seduce dawson and later hes in a store and buys c0nd0ms (using a kid to buy em) and goes to b0ne the blonde bimbo
at her place she wears a whipped cream bra and they smooch but he dont want her as he knows shes a wh0re and she gets b-chy about wanting a better life and getting out of new sodom by b0ning guys
they dont b0ne and later dawson talked toblack guy who is [-ssed that coach prefers whites and has been busting fata55es fat a55 over blaming him for getting star crippled
blonde kisses dawson as thanks and gf sees and class starts so he cant tell her
he tells her nothing happened with blonde ands she sez she got tar cripple with her whipped cream bikini
later its night more and the guys are in a biimbo bar and theres strppers and black guy dont drink but they want him to
fata55 goes up and takes off his shirt and hugs the chick whos gonna catch his fatness
oh cripple is there and thanks dawson for being the ONLY one to visit him
1 dancer is thheir teacher and a few guys wanna b0ne her
then its another game and the guys s-ck from drinking and thinking of their thicc teacher
imagine if one had a b0ner and in a hit, it snapped off!!
so after some slo mo plays to AC/DC thnderstruck theteam f'd out and coach chews their a555es for screwing up
fata55 crys and coach eats into him about costing the star player and sends him out
fata55 trips and falls and coach starts b0ning his fat a55 while making pig sounds and taking bites outta him as he screams
afterwards, dad rides dawsons a55 over drinking all night and blowing his football chances and dawson sez he dont want it
then dawson fgpes to see fata55 who's shooting his football trophoees and is malcontent over his whole life being a cr-ppy a55 game of head busting
dawson gets him to come back for the final game
fata55 can't take it and puts the shotgun in his mouth and blows the top og his head off and starts spazing out and sh-tting himself
so at home the kid bro starred a cult and dad sends the kids out b4 they get ritual sacrificed
dawson gets into a university with a full a55 scholarship and dad isnt pleased
fata55 gets a brain scan and hes not damaged and he asks the str-pper teacher to prom who wants them to keep the sceret
imagine if fata55 black males her to b0ning him to keep the secret and she devolves into a fat greasy slob like him from his dna infecting her?
at practive coach awlikin sez he can f up dawsons chances for a college if dawson dont play
imagine if he used this to blackmale dawson into letting him b0ne him and dawson devilved into a sourpuss who's always eating babies
so at night he sees gf and tells her and is all b--chy about how its not pure football anymore and he dont know if he can play or not
also if he wins, coach gets the record of best coach and keeps coaching and might coach his nutty brother
gf tells him to suck it up candya55 and be a man
after a prayer, coach sez this is the only thing that matters and all their pasts efforts are sh-t
we got 30 mins of this movie left with a55 i mean adds
that went by quick
so they football fight to late 90s music
dawson channges the play and blac gut gets a goal
after doing well, black guy gets crippled afyer his leg f's out and coach tells dr to make him accept treatment to strap it together
after a time out, they see dr and coach injecting black guy and team tell him not to do it so black guy wont be crippled
dawson quits the team, fata55 stands up to coach anf team quits
coach tries to strangle dawson and team saves him and coach tres to reclaim his power over em
it dont succeed and he walks out to seppuku
dawson gives a speech saying the rest of their lives DO matter and they go back and play
so they have 1 shot left to win and 38 secs and fata55 has to save em
he does and they got a chance now
they have 1 last play and fata55 saves it andruns wth several guys on him
so the main  guys team wins at da last second and main guy kisses gf
main guy dawson sez coach never coached again and he quit foosball went to college and cripple bacame a coack
the end
that wasnt so bad
people say it s-cked but i thought it was a decent teen moie
good 90s music and editing and such
its kinda dumb but thats kind of the point to makke dason look smarter y lowering everyone elses brains
its got good flow and dont drag and is enjoyablee
i liked it and thought its entertaining
its not trying to9 e Ben Hur, but a fun teen movie
holy cr-p saffron henderson from dbz did a song for this
i never knew she was a singer
for varsity blooz 2 i want it to be about coach going around dealing with the shame of being overcome by his team and gets into drugs and vice. then he can't take ot and blows his head offf and is given a chance to get revenge by fusing with a daemon and taking out the kids who drove him to it. and he hunts e down one by one and skins em slive and wipes his a55 with it, b4 putting it back. also its an 8 bit master system, game gear, game boy, nes, tg16, atari lynx and 7800 game where you play as coach annd go through leevels to get the kids and take em out. but the kids are stronger now and have guns so you gotta take emm on.

Thursday, May 7, 2020

Going Overboard Review

Note: I spell as bad as this movie is seen... ok, mayne not dat bad. but still pretty bad
going overboard
this is my review on going overboard from 1989
everyone hated it but it got rereleased in the 90s after adam sodom sandler got big
he hates it though
its also got  burt young, billy zane, terry moore from both Mighty Joe Youngs, Milton Berle, billy bob thornton and others i doont know of
its rated one of the worst movies ever so imma watch it tosee how bad it is
so it starts with a guy going through his p0rn0 collection and sees a tape of adam sandler
then the credits start with cartoon adam
then some 80s babes say hes gross and then we on a cruise♦
then adam sghows up and sez this is  his storey of a cook who wants to do comedy and hangs with babes
on the boat this comedian who's really obnoxioud is getting all the babes and telling crude jokes about being b0ned by his female fam
adam hates him and wants a chance to prove hiimself as a stand up
later the comedian dickey diamond (Like dustin diamond??) does obnoxious stand up and hassles a chick
adam stands up to him annd takes hm out with 1 gunshot
after throwiing him overboard he he does standd up
but it waa juat a phantasy
later this punk guy has a guy trying to get his consent to make a doll of him
he consents and grossly makes out with a chick
he  sez he was a waiiter b4 he was a millionare and hated it cuz he dealt with chewed up food
then some bikini chix come by and he signs something 4 em
later adam is in a bar and thee guys dont get his jokes
1 guy sez when hhe was a waiter he dumped a55 and didnt wash his dands
punk rocker gets some chickk to b0ne his agent if she wants to b0ne  him
after a chic blows off adam (not like that)  dickey diamond somes by and adam wants to open for him
dicky dont like him and when tthe chick coomes back for dickie, he slugs out adam for talking to her
dicke is inspired by andrew dice clay but i dont know much of him so i wouldnt know how accurate this is
so then we see chicks telling how tthey wanna be married with 2 kids and adam thinks he'd be a bagel vendor
better than the zohan in the electronix shop
adam hhas a phantasy of dickie insulting im and adam is in a straight jacket
then he rips up dickies face (done in cr-ppy animation) and eating it
then he imagines himseklf on a beach with a chick with a big a55 and they make out
then bikini chix come by and feel his bod
but his manish mom sez his things gonna fall off like his dad and his homie sez he was with this bimbo who did magazine photoz with a pig
as adam dad chuck and larry, and thats by boy, animal stuff seems right
he's big on taboo stuff
ten he has a phantasy of a boxing match with dickie where they attack each other with jokes
wieners today: words can hurt as uch as a fist!
me; ok. lets test that out. we fight. u with words, me with fists
then the chickss say bimboy things abbout politics and world prace
burt young from rockey 1-6 is a general based on a real guy who watches the biimbos talking about his stink and he has 2 guys sent to wack her
just like the queen and daiana or r fk and marilin monroe
later dstin diamond is swearing a lot and drops his hat in da water
hes sick from eating cr-p and goes to barf but gets locked in the bathroom
his bimbo sees his hat and thinks he went overboard
everyone feels bummed has no coedian so adam gets a visit from Neptune despite being Jewish and is told to try being a comedian
also the hitmen from general 3rd world is coming by boat
later adam does stand up and s-cked at it so punk guy plays an 80s song
later his hiomie sez  how coedians s-ck and are pTHETIC
then we gget a montage of biini chicks
later punk and agent are talking and hear dickie callong for help and they think its his ghost and punk startsd spazzing out
later amad gets another shot and s-cked
he talks to milton berle and  berle sez his jokes s-cked and gives him advice
he gives stand up and don't s-ck so bad but then the boat is under attack
if this were made today it would be african pirates
so the hitmen arrive and say they want miss australia and adam and homeie say shes a b--ch who dates dickie dianond and she's in the boat adam and homie are hiding in
she runs and adam and homie follow and as do hitmen in a chase to 80s music
austriala b--ches about how she hates being pretty and withes she was deformed
homie relates to her and thhey make out and the hitmen catch a chick as a hostage
austriasla comes out and swz she only said general 3rd wolrd sticnks to be start and the hitmen catch her
homie goes to help her and adam talks to the autdicence and a voice sez to kill the bad guys with laffs
adam gets 1 hitman to do stand up and the people love him and australia sings an asutralia song
homie makes out with autrailia and the hitmen wanna do stand up and wanna live in America and have adam write their material
homie and aurstiala wanna egt married and make out
general of soviet 3rd world watches a tape  of them and combs his hair
dickie gets out after praying then acts and c-ckksuckery as he's an athiest and sees the hhitmen doing well
he interups them and acts all a55 holeing but the hitmen throw him overboard
general caps his tv and adam sez everything turned out great for everyone
and now he's got  a good comedy career
then Neptune comes in and his blonde daughter meet the adam and he goes to make out with her at the bo of  the ship to close the movie
then credits to adam and homie h-mping the air and dancing with bikini chicks to 80s music by tthe punk rocker
neptunes daughter wa schris bodard
like terry and andy bogard from fatal fury?
the end
tat wasnt so bad
normal 80s movie
not too dark or awful
yeah the jokes s-cked but thats kind of the point
they're trying to be bad
i didn't hate this
i mean it didn't make me laugh but it had some good fun
bright, colorful, silly, good muisic
sort of a pauly shore movie but prototype
its not the worst movie i;ve seen and its dont bad enough to be on the worst movies list
from justin to kelly is
for going overboard 2 i want it to be about the hitmen stumbing around in america as a fish outta water comedy with them amazed at 80s and early 90s tech that they never had in their 3rd world h-llhole country like sega master system and atari 5200. its also an 8 bit sega master system, game gar, game boy, nes, atari 7800 and lynx and tg16 game where you play minigames and after you earn enuff cash for the month you win.

Saturday, May 2, 2020

Charlottes Web Review

note; i lioke s[iders but still womt spell right
charrlottes wen
this is my review opn charlottes web fropm 2006
its got dalota fanning, beau bridges jogn cleese, tomas hayden cbhuech, cedrick the entertainerkathy bates, reba mackentire and robert redford
its directed by Gary Winick who did 13 goping ion 30 and is based on a book i may have read in grade school
i saw the 20th cebture animatec one in da 90s but notr diss
so it starts with a narratotr saying how nothing important happened until now ciz of a lottlw girl
farmer is gonna wack a runty pig but his daughter throws a spazz over it and dad relents and lets her raise it
plus the moms pig has 10 t-ts but 11 piglets
btw, you'd think a farm girl would be ok witrh chopping up pigs
so girl takes pig to school and hides it in da desk but it makes sounds and teacher sez its not a toy or baby
so later it ggrows and dad sez irs gonna get to 300lbs and he's gonna sell it laterb as he needs da space in da barn
so ahe puts it in da barn ans narrator sezits gonna make something big happen
i heard thatt in some parts of erth, theyy have an outhouse that dumps it into the pig trough.
so you poop, the pigs eat it, it becomes pig, you eat pig, dump it back to the pigs, and the cycle continues
you know, pigs eat people
sometimes a guy's working on a farm, then he vanishes. he didn't run away. he's closer than you thik. here. have some ham!
plus they can get tto like 600+lbs
thats like those babes i mean blobs pn my 600lb life
plus they are smart and tough
pigs are smarter than dogs
but dogs are dumba55es
sp pig headbutts down tthe fence and gets out abnd they j fk it out from the grassy gnoll
jk really it sees a shed and returns to the pen to eat cr-p
so later its raining and girl goes to school  and pig plays in da mud
the other animals make comments on pig and are kinda b--chhy
also theres a rat who's big on eating trash and kinda into his own cr-p
so later he meets a spider and tthe horse is a candy aa55 cuz he fears it
btw this is like the only book where the spider is the good guy
so shes charlotte who imma carr char like  in gundam and she reveals she eats flies that  pig finds bad
she expplains its for the greater good and
huh, julia robers (the sister or w/e or eric roberts from the human centipede 3 and A Talking Cat?!?!) is da spider and steve buscimei is the rat
so rat and other animals think char is gross cuz they're racist aggainst spiders and pig sees chars goodnress
once in my ggrandpas farm in 196x or w.e; this cat was by the ppig peg, and the pig ate half the cats tail.
they called him half tail, which sounds like a mad max furry name
so pig and char ecomme good friends and later farmer shaves the sheep nd the gooses poop out eggs tthat hatch into geeselings
1 egg don't hatch and rat wants it as i guess he has a stiink fetish
later, girls brother trys to catch the spider and pig fights him
in the battle, dead egg breaks and the stink drives out the kid
imagine if in dbgt trunks had a stink fetish and tried to make pan stink? P; u want me to what?! T: its just eating garbage! u do it all the time! P; yeah but this is old garbage! it'll make me stink! T: that's what i want!! P; nooo! i dont wanna stink! T:u'll love it! being full of foul sharp odors is really sexy! P; i dont care! i'm not doing it! T: u dont have a choice pan. imma make u my personal STINKBAG! P; NOOO! dont make me stink! i wana stay fresh! T: open wide! time to eat stinkbag! P;aghhbt!!
so later rat reveals thatt at xmas people eeat pigs
spoiler; my dad grew  up on a farm and they were poor eastern european immigrant farmers in soviet canada
when they chopped up da pigss, they uused every part
escapt the skin, which my grandma boiled and fed to the other pigs
and the genitels, which they gave to the cats(cuz cats are kinda gay)
dogs have many names like spike or killer or rex
cats have sissy names like mittens, or snowballl, or cudddlebum
what abbout snagglepuss?
i don't consent to that
so char sez she'ss gonna save him
so later girl sez animals can ttalk and i think of tgose autistic chicks who communicate with animalls but can hardly tallk
so char makes a web and da next day everyone sees she wrote in it S O M E P I G\
how did shee learn how to write?!
so they see the Priest and show him iit and he ssez keep it quuiet until he does a sermon
but word spreads like aids and everyone comes to see it
but after a whilww,, people get tired of it and da animals have a meeting where char sezshe needs da right word to write to make farmer not eat pig
turn him kosher. that'll save it
so they need a true woord to fit da pig to fit and she writes terriffic in da web
people come to see it and dad farmer sez itts a  miracle that spiders can even spin webs
soo rat don't care for da pig but when char sez no pig means no slop, he agrees to do soome mission for them at da dump
pig giives him a carrot and iis nice to the little p o s
later i think girl sold da pig but found out people buy pigs to make into bacoon and she gets disgruntkled
but in class she finds out about da fair
so rat goes out to find words and some crows attack him but he lucks out of it and escapes
he bringgs backk da woord radient and char does it in da web
at night, girl sprreads flyers of da fair
people love radient and farmer is gonnaa  put pig in da fair
then pig does a backkflip cuz thats totally possible
although this has spiders writing and animals talking to each other
so pig wants char to go with him to da fair but she's pregnant
who b0ned her?
she chooses to go to da ffaiir and needs rat  to find  her a good word to win pig the bluue ribbon
bbit he dont wanna until he hears theres a lot of garbage to eat at da fair
so att da fairchar chexda other pig and talx to it and hes kinda ret-rded
so after a day of getting in the food, rat is at night in the carvinal night zone and da crows coome for him
affter they f'd out he briings a newspaper to char and overnight she writes  humble on her web
but the fatter pig won the blue ribbon and everyone gets bummed
one wayy out (Puts 45 magmnum in mouth)
then all these fair people snoticce it and come to see da web
so faiirhead gives  pig a  medal  over a spider writing words about it
the pig didnt do anything!
he just had someone talj about him!
so fairmaster givesa speech and trys tio be meaningfful and everyone cheers as charlotte poops oity her eggs into a sack
so girk gets into a guy and rides the ferris wheel
charlotte sez shes biting it and her kids wont leave da fair
pig gets bummed and she's done so much for him for him
like the giving tree or i love you forever
pig gets rat to get da eggs after rat goes on a b--chy tirade and pig promices him dibs on his slop for life
sppoilerrats live only like 2 years and pigs live for... how long do pigs live???
although tarantula's cann like over 30 years
and dogs are like 15
so char sez bye and its touchingg and pig is driven off
gotta say, this movie had chutzpa to follow the book and have the title character bite it
unline all those disney films where only the bad guy bites it
hay, this film dont got a bad guy!
i only noticced this now!
so pig goes hime and narrator sez people were  kinder and  lighter after that
so pig sees the snow and isnt chopped  into blood sausageand its got dat danny elfmann music like edward scissorhands
then its spirng and da spidr eggs hatch and they fly off on strands of web on the wind
pig doesnt get da chance too tell em about their  mom even though spiders domnt care about that
although theres 1 kinda spider that carrys its egg sack around and when iit hatches, it lets her kids eat her alive!!
norman bates  meets hannibal
but 3 spiders stay and he names em and tells em of their mom
rat sez to write some rat abd hes a fata55 now for all tghose furrys to llike
narrator sez its good now cuzz of friendship and seeing the good in things
then crediys to the song another ordinary miricale today and images of nature
the end
that was really nice
positive, soft, warm, light, clean, heartfelt
it gives good feels and has good value
its nice and have worth and isnt dumb or doofy and tells a good story that maakkes you feel love
i cried a bit att it
it makes you think about life and friendship and how we mmatter
I'm glad I finally saw this
it was worth watching
for charlottes web 2  i want it to be years later and the pig is fuly grown and is over 700lbs. his pig hormones make him malcontent and when this neightbor kid comes by and  kills one of the spiders, he tears the kid apart and eats him. evetuallly  after a few guys lookig for thee kid find out, he has to take em out to keep the secret and eat the evidence. eventually he's caught in the act and when they are gonna take him out, he  goes all oout and busts the ppeople apart and shrugs off gunshots witrh his catrtilage plates and thick muscle. eventually he emmptys the  humans offf da farm and rules it by eatting whoever comes in the area and teens in gangs use surviving him as an initiation. its also an 8 bit game on gameboy, nes, master system, game gear, tg16, atari 7800 and llynx and yo play as the pig and fight people and fight in top down and side view levels.