Friday, May 15, 2020

The Blob Review

Note: i spell B movie style
The Blob
This is my review on The Blob from 1958
I never saw it b4 but hear its good
its the 1st movie to star steve mcqueen and no one else i heard of
Robert Axelrod from Power Rangers and Robotech was in the 80s remake but I never saw dat
so it stars with a cheesy 50s song beware of the blob to weird animation
so these teens in their 30s are in a car and see a shooting star (dragon in attack mode)
so something hits the ground and this dog barx at it and this farmer goes to czeck it oot
he finds a meteror (black dragon in attack mode) anf this j-zz is on it
it gets on his hand and burns and he scrapes it off and runs
the teens go up to find the shooting star dragon and nearly runs into the farmer wjo's spazzing out over the goo on his hand
they drive him to a dr who sees his hand has rotted black
main guy goes back to his car and some teens say he beat their champoin somehow by going to town and they wanna race
he don't consent but they pushh and  he relnts
they race backwards and i think he wins and the cops show up
the cop hassles him for reckless driving and main teen mcqueen admits to driving backwards
the cop lets him go and mcteen chats with the other teens and they are gonna go to the movies
meanwhile, dr sez the j-zz on the farmers rm is assimilating it and he needs help
meanwhile the teens in their 30s find the meteor and play with it
they go to da farm house cuz they hear the dog and it comes out
it bites steve mcqueen in his man parts and tears em off in a spray of red and white as he screams and violently deffacates
the gf decides to steal the dog saying it would stave with its owner gone (for all they know, its just for the night)
a nurce comes to help farmer but farmer is gone and devolved into the goo and is a jelly sphere
so is he dead or is his consciousness still in there and needs to be freed and is aware like in devilman with jinmen?
nurse throws acid on the joo and dr trys a gunbut nurse knox over a lamp when spazzing out and it eats her
he shoots the gell as bullets will totally work on a pile of ooze with no organs or bones and the teens arive at the drs place
mcteen sees the dr being b0ned by the slime in the window and he  freaks out and tells his gf
at da cop place the cops talk about chess (as batman plays chess and is cool) and the teens tell em the goo ate the dr but the cops dont buy it
they check it out anyway and 1 cop stays behind and plays chess on the radio
so other cop and mcteens chech out the drs place and theres nothing
gf wonders where the dog went
who cares?! its a dog! peoople are being eaten alive and you worry about a rodent?! what nextt? worrying about the cenitpedes and wasps?! he ewas just... a monkey!!
so the cops think the busted up place is by the teens and its a trick
a geezer comes in and sez the dr left for a medical con and mcteen sez its not true
she has logical explainations for everything
they think the teen is full of sh-t and leave
later 2 mechanics are working in a garage and get eated by da blob
at the station, gf's dad comes by and thinks mcteen is up to no good and the teens sitck to their story
mcteens dad sez mcteen is not a liar and gf se she didnt actually see what mctwwn saw
da teens go home and the cops wonder if something is really happening
later at home, gf tells her kidd bro who sounds like he's 2 but looks 10 shes going out and she'd bring him a dog
mcteewn meets with gf and goes over the events of the movie to 50s soft msuic
he wonders if its real and she supports him
they go to da movies to get their teen homies and try to get em to walk outta a movie they paid good 50s money for
they do and hee tells em of the blob and they need to make people believe it
and unlike global warming; its real
manwhile, da cops say theres places with no people and the place is still on like the guys just vanished
its the rapture!!
if only the cops were baptized!
so mctwwn goes to a party and are mocked so they leave them too be devoured
the teens ask the townspeople what dto do like in zelda or castlevania or a jrpgs and no one is useful ike castlevania 2
steve mcafrica goes to this guys stotre and no one is there
then they see da blob and gf faints so mcnugget carrys her out
imagine if this were today and she was a fat chick and he couldnt lift her 400lb body?
they hide in a room but da blob starts oozing under da door
didn't revenge of the living zombies aka flesh eater do this too?
a young couple hiding in a place during an apocalypse?
so the blob leaves em and goes for the dog and gf crys for it cuz she's a p-tz who thinks animal lives matter
spoiler; pigs are smarter than dogs and people eat bacon
and octopi are smarter than apes. we eat takoyaki
so they look out and it seems clear and they book it
they meet the other teens and say the thing is in the store and call da cops
the cops dont buy it and think the kids are after em cuz of his war record
the teens decide to take matters into their own hands and theres a lot of noise outside
the air raid signal goes off and i think its the commies commin for us
its red dawn 0!!
the gfs rents see gfs out and bro sez shes out
mcaids is in the town square and sez he made da noise to gettheir attention and just wants to talk but the people want him strung up
mcflurry sez hes not joking as hes scared and not laffing and 1 cop buys it and lrts him tokk
cop then tells everyone to go home and tells his men to get da uns as in america its we the people and in england its we who are subserviant to the regent
so at the theatre da blob comes in aand eventually da people flee
mcwhopper, gf and her bro and others are stuck in a diner and da blob is coing in and on it
a cop wants to drop a power line on it to zap it and calls diner to telll mc mac and me to get to da basement
it does jack sh-t and tthe diner catches fire
if the blob is a poison type, use psychic and ground to beat it
btw this is in fullscreen and color
so it looks like they're f'd and it trys to be bummer
they fire extinguisher the fire and the cold c02 makes the blob retreat
is it a dragon type?
is this where goodra came from?
they somehow tell da cops wjo get all the c02 things to blast da blob
so in a few hoursthe sun will thaw it out and cop calls da army to fly it to da artic
all in a few hours??
is he tommy wiseau sending chris r to jail?
so cop sez it cant bw wacked they got it stopped as long as the aetic stays cold
then they drop it in the artic
the end
then the the end turns into a  ?
that was pretty good
nice clean 50s movie
good feels
good sense of danger and feel with a warm look
its got good music and color and acting and a good atmosphere
good twists and a nice lite but strong feel
it hold upnd never drags
goees by pretty fast actually
its got good flow and the effects are well done
for the blob 2 i want the soviets to make their way to the artic to get the blob and use it for their research to fight america. half of it is their trek to there to fight mammoths and yeti and snow daemons and the other half is it getting loose and eating them as they try to stop it. its also a 16 bit action game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, gba, and atari jaguar where you play as this soviet with metal limbs after he was drawn and quartered by the Germans in the war and fight the snow daemons and other cryptids of the north. and the final boss is da blob.

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