Wednesday, May 26, 2021

Stagecoach Review

 note; i spewl john waybne style; bad a55!

dstage coach

this is  my review on stagecoach from 1939

its directed by john ford who's awesome and stars the epic john waybne, andy devine, john carradine, thomas mitchell from gone with the wind and a buncha iother 1800s guys

i saw this b4 and its well done

nowadays people complaIN about the natives being the bad guys in it and want this banned

I can see a future where the canadian flag is seen as a hate symbol and if you say anything positive about historical figures, you get arrested for hate speech

also this was the film that made John Wayne a star

orson welles loved this one and its based on short stories or something

so this is in great b/w aand proper full screen

it looks like a late 20s or early 30s oone

after credits to people riding hiorses in a mad max wasteland and natives after em, we hear gernimo is active and he hates apaches more than the Americans

a caert comes in driven by andy devine with his perfect voice and they are gonna change horses

the passengers get oot and get a drink AND CHAT

1 guy is a gambler and andy finds the ringo kid is bust outta jail and wqants revenge on the plummer boys who sent him there

1 guy looking for reingo rideds shotgun wuth andy bohard andtheres a bank shupment of money on the coach

1 hag hassles this dr and he goes off and this blonde and him are being driven out as shes a h--ker i think ands hes a drunk

in a bar is a booze guy selling whiskey asnd dr makes homies with him

theres a rich chick and all these dinks go on the coach and 1 chick is sick or pregnant or somethiing and her homies dont want her spending time with as h--ker

but they didn't invent aids yet!!

So the army is going with em and they go through apache turf to get tro theuir destination

along the way theyt meet the ringo kid played by john wayne and we get a cool zoom effect

shotgun takes wayne in and takes his gun and any is waynes homie

dr knows ringo from fixing his kid bros arm but wayne says his bro got iced

also 1 guy in the coach s a confederate and 1 a yankee

southerner tells dr not to smoke by a lady, which would be seen as hate today for some reason

so they make it to a  base or w/e and there's no troops there and the soldiers gotta go back

but 1 dude wantsthem to go on and they have a vote to see if they continue

oh and 1 lady's hiusband is a soldier

they have dinner and the confederate is nice to the pregnant chick cuz hes a ghood southern gentleman

wayne has stuff in common with the h--keras both are hated and confederate was in pregnant chicks dads regiment and remembers him

wayne wants too avvenge his fam who was iced by christopher plummer or w/e and later they go on instead of gooing back

shotgun sez ringos dad and he wwere hoimies and puncheds cows together but he needs the 500 gold reward

bank guy i think goes on about economiccs and how americva is getting fd (like President Trump said but this is 1880 so its worse now)

actually this guy may have recalled Andrew Jackson saving America from the banks

so h--ker is nice to preggo and confederate has a cup freom greenfield manor he won on a wager

WHILE PREGGOP GETS A SILVER CUP to drink from, wayne chares a water sack with h--ker

dr has booze and later they make it to a mexico filler area and find the soldiers are gone from here and preggos huisbband got wounded in a fight with the apache and taken to the town they gooing to

preggo goos in and blacks out andwayne gets dr to help

bank guy is b--ching about the army not being there and ddr gets blicketee black coffee to sober him up

spoiler; mythbusters sayu that dont heklp, but a face slaap dp

they splash him with water and ther mexican there is married to an apache played by a mexican

nowadays they'd complain about that, but omar shariff playimng dr zhivago is kosher

so soome guys jack the coaches spare horses and prerrggo poops out a baby girl

the mexicano tells waynee not to go to ice the guy who iced his fam but waye done care

then waybe talks to the h--lker to not be out at nightas apaches might get her

he tells her he wants to avenge his fam like cutey honey and she sez her fam got iced too

he sez how she was good with the preggos kid andinvites her to be his wooman on his ranch

she dont tthink she can be loved after all the men she b0ned and runs in

later mexico guy is bummed his horse is gone and says he can getta new wife but that horse was special

nowadays he's be in love with his horse

wait that;'s springer

so h--ker stayed up all night to calm the baby as preggo sleppt

dr sez ringos going to jail and if h-0-ker goes with him then he'd find out abiout her past

but she asks if it';ll bne ok abnd he sez to try

so the guys bicker over if they should go with the preggo having just had a kid

ringo chats with h--ker and she suggests he escape and he wants to still avenge his fam

she whines about how its not worth it and suggests if he runs then she'd go with him

she gets him his gun and he rides off on a horse but the guyas cvatch him as he stopped to look out

theres apache giving war signals and the guys book it on their coach

ringo is handcuffed and they get to a river and shot gun uncuffs ringo

also there were Americans iced by apache there

to cross thgey rope logs to the coach and float it across

tthey go on and an arrow the acro bat snipers a guy in the coach

ooh, he ain't gonna be in stagecoach 2!

So the apaCHE ATTACJK And shotgun j fk's at em

ringo comes out and picks off a few, as do some of the men inb the coach

1 apaCHE jumps on the horses but is picked off

andy roony gets a sh0t in the arm and john waytynes stunt double jumps from horse to horse like its sunset riders and helps

the apavche now have guns and the Americans ae running outta Ammo

Confederate is gonna use his last bullet to ice preggo so she won't be used as A butt slasve bjt i think he gets iced

then the calvary comes in and saVES EM

confederate bites it and they go to the town and preggo's husband is ok aND BEING TREATED

PREGGO IS THANKFUL TO H--KER FOR HER HELP (which is sorta like the bible story of The Good Samaratan who was seen as scum but was a good guy)

the coach goos through town and they see Ringo and the guy plummer who iced his fam hears

he has the wild bill hickock hand of black aces and 8s which is the wild west ver of ginyu transformation playing

oh and i think the guy who got arrowed survived and was taken off in a stretcher

wayne sez to bring h--ker to his ranch as he serves his last year in jail and banker is arrested for stealing money from his bank

turns out they fixed the telegraph wires and phoned it in

waybe asks shotgun to let him go out for 10 mins and shows hes got 3 bullets left

he has a moment with h00ker and shes p-ssed at him going to fight

dr goes to a bar and has a nip anmd wait i think thats andy

butt plummer gets a  sahotgun and the bar moves the mirror as they expect a shootout like its a california slum

waynbe and h--ker walk through the town and go to her home wich i think is sa wh0re house

waybe asks her to marry him anmd sez to wait and andy sez riuungo wiill be there in 6 mins

dr sez he'd have liquid plummer arrested for murder if he goes out with the shotgun (which is what democrats want) and plummer goes out with out it

the town prepares for the fdinal fight revenge and plumerr and his droogs go out wuth guns

they walk towartd wayne and he falls and fires

then cut away and thenplummer walksd in tthe bar and bites it

reingo returns to his h--ker gf andfthey hug andshot gun arrives to bring wayne to finish his sentence

shotgun lets her ride with ringo and sends the horse caret on ands lets him go

shot gun offers dr a drink (which wuill probabnly kill him from liver, throat and stomach damage)

then waybe aND THE H00KER  ride off into the distance

the end

what a movie

epic, strong, bada55, good pacing, good flow and well done

yeah its got some 1800s views but it isn't as hard on the natives as you'd think

there's like 1 fight and a few mentions

overaLL ITS a grand film and looks and sounds great

no wonder it made john wayne a star

john ford does it again

plus when the calvary ran in and the dust covers the area, it hides how  there's niot as much as you'd think going on

just like d w griffith did in birth of a nation

its only like 96 mins and seems like a SILENT film in some ways

for stagecoach 2 i want it to be about john wayne and the h--ker on his ranch and she's gottten to 400lbs from a heavy pregnancy. but the nephew of the  plummer guy who iced his rents wants to avenge his uncle and has rounded up a bunch of malcontents and banditoes. so now john wayne has to use  his sharp shooting to fight through his ranch and blow holes in these homies. alsdo its a 32 bit light gun game on Sega Saturn, 3DO and Playstation like house of the dead and you go through his german expressionist f w murnau style ranch and its hidden lairs, dungeons and barns andtake on these dinks.

Sunday, May 23, 2021

Jamaica Inn Review

 Note: I sper;ll better than jaMAACIANS


THIS IS MYU REVIEW ON jamacia innfrom 1939

i can some of this weeks ago but dont recalkl much

its directed by alfred hitchcock who''s usaually greatr and based on a novel by Daphne du Maurier i never knew of

it has maureen o hara and no oner else i know of

aftwer wait, its mgot charles laughton, after creditys, ooh, robert newton is in this, after credits to mucis its  got text in a book praying to The Lord to prevent shiprex

then more text saying its 1820 and theres gangs that jack syh-t

this guy rides a horse and the back ground looks kinda german expressionist and he goes to a coast and covers a lamp so the ship don't know its coast and crashes

liker those c-ck suckers who use laser pens on pilots flying planes

then this bunchas malcontents like in mad max or violence jack come over, waste the crew and steal from em

they loot the ship like its a peraceful protest but 1 of em is caught by ther water and bites it

later n1 guy driving a cart sez he ainbt going to janmacia inn as queer things happen there

in the 1800s that sounded different, but today, sounds like they're b0ning

maureen wants to go there and yells as the driver goies past it and she gets out and hoofs itlater these upper crust britmos are having dinner and 1 talks about the reent king gheorge

brritmo has an action figure hes into and this horse comes in

maureen is come there and brit mo is strauight for her and she wants a horsse and to go to jsamacia inn

brit  mo sezshe cant g trhere and she sez shes from soviet ireland and has no one there and an aunt at da inn

brit mo agrees to have her go there

wtf its said this was hitchcocks worst film

so maureen goes to the inn and sez sghes here to live with aunt and uncle ansd this scuzzy guy is kind of an a55 and revealed to be her uncle

shje meets her aunt and maureen sez her mom bit it 3 weeks ago

unclehas his wom,an carry stuff but dont want marenn working cuz she has nice hands

uncl;e tells his droogs to not bbe loud and they wanna b0ne bher

maureen and aunt catch up and the droogs know they are going to h-ll but don't seem to care

so uncle and his droogs talk about how long they were iun the gang and aunt tells him thatt maureen was with brit mo played by laghton

so brritmo goes on about how there were to be no survivors andf i think hes behind the droogs  looting shipss

and i think maureen survived a ship thing

its hard to foollow

so the droogs find 1 of em is selling stuf on the side and when the accused ius gonna out uncle for being in it with others, uncle bists his head with a mug(and not the rootbeer)

huh, tthis was produced by Erich Pommer who did The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari/ Dr. Mabuse, the Gambler /Die Nibelungen /The Last Laugh \Faust and Metropolis 

so brit mo meets ucnle and the droogs are gonna ice the head busted guyt but 1 sez its not kosher to waxck him in his sleep

they string him up aand maureen is watching throught a hole in the thing like in posycho

1 guy seals the dead guys shoe buckles, which come off like they were klept on with gum, and runs but the guys chase him

i assume the buckles are data chiops with ino on his wacking

so maureen saved the guy they strung up and sends him out and when she goes back to his room, uncle is there

this is how p0rtnm0es start

after being creepy, uncle is called down to say the hung guy is gone and aunt sends maureen out to escape

hung guiy pulls her to the roof and they evade some guys feet away and thery book it as uncle rallys the droogs to hunt for her

so britmo is p-sseed at the gurl gmaureen getting away and laster learns of the hunbg guy escaping from uuncle

so maureen andf man escape to tyhe water asrea ocean sea and she tries to use a boat but he stops her

she b--cjhes ast him fort being a theif anf murderer and they are ina cave as the tide is gooing

he sez hes a sailor and can go back to it and the gang has found em amdf is comming down in a rope

1 guy coes down and i think he kills him and 3 guys are comming next

hung guy (wow that sounds wrong) has here take off her dress and shoes and they swim

she cr-ps out but he sdaves hewr a55 and they ecape across a field to britmo's place asking for help

hung guy; imma man, as good ass u! britmo; put that out of your head

me; england and its class system!

this is whuy I'm glad to be American!

wait its not hung guy saying it

so maureen comes to him and sez jamacia inn  ios full of crooks and violence (like the real jamacia??) and he gives her a room

wheres hubn guy?

so britmo gets a note saying hung guy isd a cop and wait, i think the unequal guy is hung guy

so hung guy chats witrh brit mo about the sjhiprwecks and how there no survivors (whichj means no witnesses) and the wreckers are getting into on when and wherev the ships will be

hung guy dont know who the inside guy is and wants to worek with britmo to find it and that the insde man will be there tonight

britmo twists things to send a letter to the inn and fix it so he wont get caught

kinda like t r edwards working with the robotech expeditionary force but against them to have rick iced

maureen overhears brit mo  andhung guyt gets changed

she takes his ride when hes not looking and escapes to the inn

she tells aunt to get out as uncle is a c-ck sucker and that the brit mo is comming for uncle to use as a scape goat

uncle opens da door with a gun and opens it with a kick and its hung guy and brit mo with a gun

britmo se hes gonna search the plasce and hung guy sez he didnt tell marueen as she'd warn her aunt

aunt sez she loves un cle and he cant help who he is andbrit mo warms his a55 by the fire

britmo and hung cop search and uncle wont say who he wolrx for

when cop goes out, brit mo tells umncle his orders and info and sez hes going to gaye olde france latre

later cop returns and sez they got minutes to out the guy b4 he comes

brit mo has a warrent with a blank name to wtrite in the guy and cop truys to get him to conferss

cop goes down andf gets caught by the droogs and uncle brings down birt mo by gunpoint and says they cant ice him as people would sucpect things

coip sez theres a guy comming and the malcontents thrink of how to ice brit mo

brit mo sez if they harm him they'd be wacked

uncle has aunt guard em while they go to wreck a boat and bring maureen

later brit mo takes ofdf his ropes and loards the gun she haz and he knows someone came here and gave uncle the info

briot mo escapes and cop figgers out he's the american spsycho and akss aunt for freedom and says the people on the boat have families too

she dont wanna give up her husband and eventually she lets him out offecteen and he goes off

btw this is in proper full screen and has great b/w looks

at the bech, maureen escapes as the guys are all looking at the oming boat and puts the lamp back for the boat to see theres roicks there

a guy grabs her and she fights him and drops the light but it fallsa on rags and they catch fire and she hooks em to the post like a flaming flag

the boot seez it and turns off and the guy fighting with her brigns her down

1 guy rips her shirt to showe a bit more bust and she sez she dont car e what they do as she's glad shje saved lives

so brit mo is going to soviet franch

later uncle brings maureen backanm dn hes f'd up as he saved her from the guys

i assume as its all offscreen that he b0ned them all deads

if this were made today he'd be covered in blood and sh-t

aunt sez she now who uncle was working for and is j fk'd buyt a bullet b4 she csan finish

then uncle bites it too and birt mo is there with a firearm despite being english

brit mo sez she was goinna tell maureen about himandn he wanted to do it

he tiesd a hanfdchercheif in her mout and ties her up and wants to take her with him

as some kind of butt slave i assume

although she's irish and has the fire in her so she's not gonna be subsertvient to as deviento englishman

so the droogs come back to the inn and fiund uncle iced and the redcoats come in and arrest them

but both red coats and looters are bad guys!

so 1 guy is unvbvle to be handcuffed and they rope his hands as he begs for mercy as he dont wanna be hanged

in a cart, brit mo wants to go around by grease to butt hammer her and cop goes to britmos pplace to arrest him but he's not there

britmo goes on a boat with his slave woman and the cops are coming on horse tro save her like its birth of a nation

in their room she truns a key and he goes on about giving her a "good" life as his butt slave

the cops show up and she escapes through the unlocked door and on the poop deck britmo has her at gunponnt but hung cop saves her and brit mo goes up the ship like a spidfer monkey

he drops his gun and it goos off and i think wacks a guy and seeing no way out, he jumps and hits the deck offscreen

i assume he splattered like that piug in butters clothes in south park

then cop takrs maureen off the boat

the end

that was pretty good

i never saw the book but this film as it is is well done

good gray scale graphics and sorta german expressionistt

well done feel

good acting

you donbt expect laughten to be thje bad guy at 1st but he's usdually palkying em like in captain kidd or henry the 8th

its well made but clean with no gore or nude scenes or swear words

i thought it was a good film and it tells a good story

for jamacia inn 2 i want it to be about maureen getting married to the cop but he has a new mission before the weeding to solve a case about a cannibal who eats peoiple skin and has to find out which brit upper crust high rank guy is it. also its an 8 bit board game like thing on nes, gameboy, SEGA MASTER SYSTEM AND game gear, atari lynx and 7800 and tg16 where you play are the cop and gott afind clues to figure out who is the killer and its different each time you play

Wednesday, May 19, 2021

Ace In The hole Review

 note; i sp[ell a55 holian

ace in the hole

this is my review on asce in da hole from, 1951

its goty kirk douglass and no one else i recognize

its directed by biolly wilder who did  5 graves to cazirop, the spopiriot of saint louis, and the 7 year itch

i nevewr saw it b4 but my dad wantrs to watch it

so its in proper full screen and in good b/w

so after credits to ramatic music its soviet new mexico  and kirk dug less is riding in a car being towed

is that a ferrarri mustang?

also; new mexico?? wasnt 1 bad enuff?

what next? new england??

so he goes to this place and sez he's charles tatum from new york

like channing tatum? the gay str-pper from magic mike?

oh its a newspaper biz

the enemy of the people

so he mets boss and sh-ts on his pappedr and offers him 200$ by saying hes a 250$ guy who'll work for 50 and iss suiper elite

he also sez hes a good liar and is willing to make news if theres none

also he keeps being canned from better papers and has to work his way up

he works for 60 a week and theres no news and 1 guy tells him he wont get chopped chicken livers or garlic pickles as no one else wants em

he rambles on about yogi beara and how this hicktown is too natural and don't got enough corrupt city sh-t

oh and aparently he's been here a year and there's no news

a newsman whining about no news to panic the people? totally unreal!

so he suggests some co worker being in a murder or nuking something

theres no booze allowed at work (G00D! BOOZE KILLS!) AND THIS BOttle he has is a ship in a bottle

so hes sent to report a viper hunt to kill rattlers (whiucxh will cause more rats and coons to come up) and he wants to spin the stoeryto spread panik and make more cash

bad news sells best as no news is good news and he never went to school but learned the newstrade from selling papers in the 1800s or w/e

probabnly drawing d0ngs in little nemo

so kirk and the kid herbie the elf styop by this native place and find a chick prayung hard

they hear of cops up by a native place cave and they investigate and pick up the films blonde fewmale who's husbanmd is stuck in the gave

the natives lived there hundreds of years ago and i assume daemons took them to the ma kai realm like in urotsukidoji

aat there the cops wont let peopple in but want natives to go in as they know the area

but they wont cuz its their sacred area and kirk stronarms his way into going in

they go in and kirk sez its better news if its 1 man in danger than a million

also kirk sucker  sez a reporter for a 25 ccave story with 1 gjy in it got the pulitzerr

kirck goes in alone deeper and this tentacle monster grans him asnd starts b0ning him all over with this d0ngh like entacles as hew screams!@

jk really he finds the guywho's stuck under wood ansd the area in is unstable and could cavve in if moved

channing tatum from not gambit gives him coffee so he's gonna whizz and stink up the place

also the cave is a navite berial ground and he was grave robbing artifacts

good f--k this place is cursed!

pray it away!

so kirk takes a picture and sez cave guy is gonna be in the paper

cave guy sez about his time in the war in Italy andf has a cigar to burn off the oxygen

so kurk sucker goes up and wants to spin it as a cursed tomb and King Tutr in Newe Mexico

so he figgers he can do this in a week and outside the cop sez the sheriff is out

they go to a phone and calls his boss and pitches his storey

also the mexican chicxk praying b4 was the mom of the cAVE GUY


I know guys like that

they prefer huge butts

so kirk b0nes up on cave guy and chats with blonde and she wants to leave the place and him

she was in a night club and married him thinking he was richer

what a b--ch

also she sez shes like hi as they both are taking aDVANTAGE OF CAVE GUY BEING stuck undr ro\cks

se goes out ands sees guys coming in to the area tp see the cave thing

kirke sez hes wrotinmg her as a good wife and that there's gonna be lots of people here to see it and business will be good

she goes back in and later guys are comming and its 2 bnbits, or 25 cents(hot does that equal 2?!!) to come over

later the sheriff or w/e, hyeah its him, is feeding a snake hambeger and nmilk (but its not kosher!!) and snake wont eat it

spiolder; they eat the fresh killed!

kurke sez they got an ace in da hole(thats the tital! I wanna take his face... off!) and offers sherrif fame and title of hero if he keeps the press off his a55

a guy comes in saying its a monkey house in there and they gotta set up a lot of sh-t to get the guy out and it can take under 12 if they get a 2nd crew

but guys dont wanna work cuz of the curse

so kirbue suggests using a big a55 drill to go from the top o the hill to get straight down which wiull take several days

7 days!

he saw the ring tape!

laterblonde sez at the rate things are going, she'll have 1 000 dollers in a week for the 1st time ever

she's happy so he slapps her and gets her sad so she'll look better for the show

so later the drill is going deeper and a comunity is arising here of people comming over

1 news guy has an interview with some guys and kirk sez for bl;onde to go to church to pray for a photo

she don't like church but does it for money

later its 50 cents to come in and kirbe wantsthe teen herbie to quit with him and hold out on the people to make em wamt more

sherrif holds everyone else besides channting tator tot out and j michael tatun comes in saying he knoews all these newspaper guys and ain't gonna let em have his story

kirb has it all wrapped up so if the other news guys try to take him down legally, they'll go nowhere as he's got the sherrif and by the time they get him out, the story is over

so he has em say how tatums on an exclusive

kirke answers questions and 1 guy, kusac, wa a silver miner and wondfers why they need to drill from the top as he did a cave in liek this better

facts that would be in the comments section of a youtibe vid on the news clip

later channing tatum talks to cave guy who's going nuts from the drill pounding

also kirk comforts him saying theres lots of guys there for him and caver guy sez kirk is his friend

kribks sez hes gong to soviet new york after this and caVE GUY SEZ THIS FRIEDAY IS 5 YEARS SINCE HE MARRIED BLONDE

also there's food trucks selling booze and cave guys dad dont like itand just wants his son

so the burger shop is a realy monkey hosue with people swarming in

kirk goes in to have a drink and boss is there and sez he don't like how kirks doping it

boss dont like sherrif being crooked and up for reelecting and kirk dont care

hermie the elf comes in and boss doint' like channing tatum corrupting him

kirk sez boss's outtas date and its the 20th century and don't want the kid left behind

so kirk makes a deal with his new york boss to get his job back for an exclusive

latter its a fuull doller (or 1000 dongs in viet nam) to come in and they have a song for the cave guy

this is like in the simpsoins where tommy o tool fell in the fell

what in the name of h--ll, there's a ferris wheel here!

also theres a train there and people swarm to see it

just like the news today spamming the same story non stop to keep people interested

breaking news! that plane that went down last month is still down! no nerw updates, but we'll act like there is to get views!

later kirke tells blonde not to tell other news guys stories even if they pay and she wants to ditch her loving husband for soviet kurk douglass

don't tyrust her! she's just gonna dump you when she finds a bigger blacker guy! like kim karsashian!

so after 129 hours of being buried alive(liek james franco?) they are close to pooping him out

but cave guy is not dooing well and wants a priest

hes got pnunomia from beign laying in sh-t for 5 days and nights and by tomorrow he's gonna be dead

cave guy thinks its over but kirk sez they'll get him out in 12 hours and cave guy trusts him

lter sherrif has been feeding the rattler cherwing gum with a wrapper that's probably gonna glog his tract

but kurk is gonna have em bring out the guy with the good way

but sherrif don't want to havee to esxplain it and curk beats him down

then engenier sez they cant go in the good way as the drill has f--ked the cave wealls

kirk atones for his sins by charging his ki and self detonatinmg to burn off the top of the hill to sacrifice himself to save the guy

j really he vanishes and appears in the mine with cave guy and encourages him to fight

he's spazzing out and sez he hid his wifes anniversery present in his army bag and wants to give it to her himself

later kirk gors to see the blonde and gets out the present and gives her it

is parisian furs and she trhows it away but kirk tells her what her husbnans said while strangling her with the furs

she blasks out but comes to and he sez to keep das furs on

then kurnkgoos of in a police car and oh i think she shanked him with scissors when he was strangling her

at this place some mexican loking kids crawl on the car and run when they sound the siren and he gets a priest and brings him back

he brings the priest into this hole in the earths a55 and priest does his Confession

i think the cave guy bites it and kirk goes up in the lift thing and stops the drill and tells on the hill that the cave guy bit it with the drill 10 feet away

then to go home and the circus is over

the peope, scatter like roaches when the light is on and blonde goes as she's leached all she can from it

hermie the elf sez "you had it all and f'df it" and that new york boss sez hes fired

the other reporters mock him and say sherrif is gonna dig the body out

kirk sez to new york boss cave guy was murdered by a reporter but new yuork boss hunbg up

so kirk wants to bring down the sherrif and drives with herbie the elf to the newspaper office and tells boso hecan work for fre and is a 1000$ a day and falls over

the end

is that liek roy from robotech getting f'd and walking it off, to h-ll?

but that was good

shows how dark the media biz is

and how things aint changed in a century

this is based ona  true story, the 1925 thing mentioned in here, kinda like how the 2005 king kong mentioned faye wray doiung an RKO picture

it shows a corrupt guy ruining things and coming back to try to fix it

its not a happy ending, but its got good drama

i liked it and kirk doughlass was pretty good in here

prtetty bada55 for a 50s film with hi slapping and strangling a chiuck on purpose

its well done and works quite well

for Ace In The Hoole 2 I want them to have saved kirk at the last minute by taking him to the hospital and when he's in a coma, the kid hermie or w/e has to buyild a story based on what Kirk Cameron or w/e told him and thew sheriff is trying to silence him so his career isn't f';d. also its an 8 bit action game on NES, Gameboy, Sega Master System, Game Gear, Atari 7800 and Lynx and TG16 where you play as the teen and goaround collecting items and evidence hidden by kirk and gotta use a spitball gun to take out guys after you and solve puizzles

Tuesday, May 18, 2021

The Bookshop Review

 Notwe I'm not a book guy

ther bookshop

this is my review on the bookshiop from 2017 (20 years after predator 2 and shadow dancer the secret of shinobi)

its directed by Isabel Coixet who did  nothing i saw and is based on a 1978 book

its got bnill nighy and no one else i know of and i never saw this b4 nmore read the book

it got mixed reviews and huh, Emily Mortimer is in it who was in the ghost and the darkness and scream 3

so it starts with som,e chick rambling on about books and after years after her man bit it, she opens a book shop[

she goos too the bank and deals with red tape in soviet england in 19550s england

after that she hel;ps a sailor or fishing guy with his rope and he sez he dont rerad

i used to read but nowe i'm more into manga and wiki articles

i've been meaning to read dracula for years

also bill nighy is ripping up and burning parts of books

thats a hate crime!

as a kid i was tolk books are our friends

then again, some oppressive countries ban books

like chi na and korea, and mus lim countries and burma and russia and england

so main chick gets a new drerss and sleept in some place and dont like the red dress as she thinks her a55 dont look good in it

just get fat and be jessica rabbit

guys like thicker women

so she gos to a dinner party and there's a lot of ugly brits there

put some evolution pills in the garbage! so when they eat it, they'll turn normal!

she talks to a geezer about her bookshop plans and said she ordered the classics

geezer sez it must be easy to be dead like he's got soime kinda necromance fetish

then she chats with mr north, like mr pink in that tatrentino mvoie? and he wants to marry her after her husbnand got it in the war

north looks like chris noth from law and order 1 and he has a gf and i think wants to b0ne her

then she spracks to the hgost a blonmde and main chick sez she lioved in the place they gonna put the shop for a week

host bloncde dont want her liivng in there and wants it made into a locl arts center

so main chick books it and blonde smokes

so later this scuzzy guy chats with main chick and was told main chick wont be doing the book shop

she sez she is and later gotrs tyo chris of the noth star's place and asks if blonde wanted him to run the arts and crafts center she wants the book shop location for

she figgers they dont want her there and she goes tyo some guy and sez she's not moving out and wants the property issues resolved

so she tunes up the hosue and later its raining and these kids, the seas scouts comer by and help her work

family guy woute; you mean a slave!

so she gets the book shop running and books added and feels good man

a guy named mr faven sez the place is a sh-t shop and some wiener kid gives her a letter from bil  nighy

its revealed that his woman bit it on their honeymoon in the marshes getting black berries

he goes on aout the books he likes in the kletter and later she papper emails him a bay bradburtty book farenhifgtht 451

huh the narrator was Julie Christie in farenheight 451, dr zhivagho, harry potter and finding neverl;and

so this girl kid comes by to work and dont like books

also main chick was sent bsexy pix of chix by publishers

later nighy finishes farenheight 451 and paper emails masin chick saying only send more bradbury

also main chick gets in a martian bradburybook

later north drops off lolita and later main chick tasks to girel about how to do this heater or w/e

her grandpa got this item from nanking years ago and girl wants to be b--chier as an adult cuz shes brittuish

main chick wants giorl to read a book and girl wants the nanking trAY AFTER MAIN CHICK BITS ITR

so main chick sends nighy lolita and wants him toread it and see if its good to have in her shop

its gonna turn him pedo!

just like how watching violence makes u violent

later a laDY COMES BY SAYING MAIN chick wAS invited to a get to geher of bill nighy's place

she goos oover and findds him eating a rat alive by swallowing it tail a55 end 1sty as it squeals and spazzes out

jk really they have tea and he sez his woman is still alive and got fat and duymped him or w/e

so he goes on about how blonde is powerful and has f'd him up and he wants to help herhave her bookshop

only he talk really slow and this movie takes forever to do anything

we're like an hour in and nothing happened

so the bookshop buys an a55 load of lolita copies cuz i guess engliand is a pedo country and people complain about her window display

theres letters baxck and forh between her and a guy over lolita beuing too hot for england

later min chick is out in the nature and noth and his gf come by and she talks of her husnasnd who bit it

later blondeis working with a nerd to pass a bill to have big gov take prpoperty

this is why we had 1776

so i kinda spazzed out and read abouti have no mouth and i must scream where a guy gets huge parts and when i looked back the girl is gonna leave

so bill nighy wants to help main chick and they hold hands for a while anbd he goes

was that the brittish ver of kissing?

later north comes by and wants to workl with her at da shop to get close to her but she dont consent

later little girl talks to noth and puts the heater up

later nighy tells blonde to leave maain chick alone and how he knows she had that big gov law passed with hernerdy nephew

he tells her shes sh-t and gets p-ssed and walks off and bites it

later a ray bradbury book comes in and shes sad as the guy bit it

later a guy comes by and says, wait, its blondes husband, and he sez blonde said nighhy saiid he liked the art center idea

she gets mad at him oveer spreading lies about nighy and don't want them saying him name or hers

he tries to explain and she b--ches out aT HIM

so the gov is gonna take her home and if the building isn't "fiot for humans" then they don't gotta pay her

also while she was out an inspector came in w/o consent abd checked the place

also north said he got crippled from it "being too damp" in there

whaty A CANDYA55!

so now she's gonna go rambo on em right?

take em out one at a time based on books?

north trys talking to her but she walks off

she looks over her books to music for a while and we see the faces of the people who f'd her

girl comes in weith da heeter (not a 50s gun) saves 1 book and uses da heater to torch the place as main chick is on as book

those books were innocent virgins

oh and narrator is thew girl

so its the present and girl is the owner of a new book srtore and says "no one feels alone in one"

the end

so that wasn't too bad

its kinda slow and not much happens

it also shows how awful brits can be

at least they wern't doing it for the reegnt

but over all its a decent film

not ther worst but not rallty great

soime parts are good and it eventually gets better

its just kinda long and slow

mostly clean, not reeally swearing or p0rn0 or violence

its like a 50s film

For the Bookshop 2 i want it to be a few years later where the people in the village are found turned inside out pone by one and in ways based on classic novels, and its a murder mystery and they goptta fiind out who's dong it. turns out, the chick was out trainbing in ninja and is assasinating them for revenge. alsoi its a 16 bit game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, gba and atari jaguar where you sneak around as the chick in a sexy outfit and with huge muscles from training witrh ninja and taking these guys out in puzzle like things where you gotta gget em in the right place and get em in the right way.

Sunday, May 9, 2021

Hondo Review

 Note: I spell Japanese, wait, its not honda!


this is myt review on hondo from 1953

its rdirected by john farrowq whop did 2 years before the mast and Night Has a Thousand Eyes

it has john wayne, Ward Bondfrom the searchers and its a wondderfil life, James Arness from the thing from another world,. Rodolfo Acosta from 1 eyed jaccks, leo gordon from black patch and alienator and the garbage pail kids movie, paul fix from scarface, hitler dead or alive and night of the lepus, Rayford Barnes from Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter and Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, frank mcgrath from The Ox-Bow Incident, mighty joe young and the red badge of courage and chuck roberson from calamity jane and the searches

i never saw this b4 i think, unless its got joihn wayne cuttig his thumb and mixing blood with a kidd, but heard sme people liked it

it was made to be in 3d cuz hollyw-ng never stops tryuing toi stuff it up our a55es

so its in color and widescreen and after credits that are hardf to read, a guuy comes to this blonde mom and sons farm

mom gets her gun and its john waynewith a rifle and dog all f'ds up

he lost his horse getting away from indians and chick sez they have a treaty with the indians

he asks for workj or a horse and he finds her husband is in the hills and she offers him a horse and a meal

his dog is dangerous and malcontent and belongs in h-ll in animals had souls

also the dog is self feeding eating rabbits and john dont want anyone feeding it so it dont get sissy

so after lunch x saber wayne trys taming a wild stallion and sharpens an axe as mom sez her husbands fam got iced in the wagon trails

she bleives in destiny as her and her husband got together from similar pasts

kid wants to play with the dog and waybe sez kid can but he adviss againsty it so kid learns for himself

nowadyas peiople go mental over kids in "danger" of name calling and disagreement as it might drive em to seppuku

so wayne figers out that her husband is gone for months as the farm is a cr-=pmobile and calls her on it

she admits her man is out and sez they ahve peace with the indianbs and wayne sez gtfo b4 they sh-t the place up

also the indians often come to their land for water and they get along with em

wayne sez the Whites broke the treaty and teh indians dont have a word for lie and are gonna sh-t up the site

waybe reveals his dog was trained to smell indians by being beat by one

waybe reveals he's part indian like dana beingh half zenmtraedi in robotech and that he can smell her and knows what she did like cooking and bathing from smell

he's wolverine from x men!

so she gives him a place to sleep and finds wayne is hondo lane the gunmanwho killed a buncha guys from his name on his item

she hgolds him at gunpooint but the gun wasnt ready to fire and he settles things and talks his way outta it

da nerxt day ice saber general wayne is leaving and sez he lived with the indians for years and had many chicks and they dead

he sez she reminds him of his jet black haired woman

btw this was pg in america and england and 16+ in finland and norway

buncha candya55es

so after a long tender moment he kisses her on the mouth and she sez she's married and he says he dont want her scalped by indians, but he lets people do what they weanna do

kinda like how The Lord gives us Free Will and if we screw up, its noty His fault

so he goes and later the indians show up in a huge pack

the leader says she was told to go off her land threateningly

her son uses a pistol to knock one off but he gets up and tryes toi cop him with a knife like its england

kid fights him off  and the leader stabs their thumbs and mixes their blood to turn him into some kind of invid

they leave and say her son is like an indian, brave(which would be cultural approproatuion now) and leader sez the White man iced his sons

so meanwhile, john wayne is atr a militaryu station and says he got an item from an indian thing by wasting em

later in a bar her gets in a fight and later realizes he just beat up the moms husband

so the capped indian is beiugn like a dad to son and says he's be a good indian

so john goes out and the head indian says she must choose an indian man to be herf new hsuband as some kidn of forced marriage like in the 3rd world

sher sez she still has a husband but he sez hes dead

later john wayne is having a snack and dipping his boots in the water and someones lurking aorund

waune escapes and 2 guys come by and get j fk'd by inidan arrowman and waynbe takes out the arroweman

wayne saves 1 guy but when the guy truys to cap wayne, the dog alwardts hima nd wayne ninja reflexes kills him

only to find its the boys dad

later john waybe is riding and indians attack and he counterstrikes to take some out

after a speed duel and getting cut off by a platoon of indians and goers down a hill

eventually they swarm and catch him and he raises his hand and obliterates them in a huge flash of ki

jk really they catch him and are gonna skin his head and torture him dead

he knows theirt language and insults em and head indian wants to know about the Army and John Wayne knows him froma  treaty copuncil

he wont ssay why hes in their land and they put a burning rock on his tird hand to torture him

but they see he's got the photo of the son and they think hes the father and cut him free

you are NOT the father

black guys: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

thern capped gu and wayne have a knife fight like its michael jacksons beat it

waybe gets shanked in the chest but disarms the foe and gets a blade to his neck and wins

head indian yanks out the knife and roll out and eventually arrive at moms farm in the rain with jogn waine

they ask if john wayne is her man and she sez yes and they let him life with her

but capped guy wastes john waynes dog as revenge for losing a fight to him

So she treats his wounds and he gives her the card of her son and sez her man is in h e double ireland

john wayne says he died well and donty admit to icing him

later john waybe gives kid fishing advice about now letting ur shadow on the water and kid cant swim

so john wayne chucks his a55 in the water and tells him how

kid gets it fast and moms overworried and sez she can't swimn, then runs b4 he chux her in 2

later its night and he trys to tell mom about what he did but she goes on about the moon or some cr-p

he admits to icing a dude and then hears a sound and its head indian who sez he was in the house and saw kid sleeping with knife

so head indian sez a rival tribe is coming near and tells him to lie to em but john wayne sez noi and head indian respects that and leaves

wayne sez he was being tested and indians hate lies and he feels the same way

later the Amry comes by and 1 is this 1800s prospector who looks like my redneck friend and say the indians are scalping innocent people

also they're evacuating people from the area from indian attacks like the people fleeing earth after the invid attacked in robotech and the 1800s guy, buffalo baker, is a fun character

jhn wayune sez he has a pace like this by san diemas like where bill and ted live

1 guy sez he found the moms husband and john waynes tracks and he want his gun in exchange fopr silence

after making what i think are comments of john wayne b0ning the mom, wayne slugs him out and the chick was there and heardwayne did her husband

the army movs on and buffalo baker (the ancestor of buffalo bill from the cr-ppy a55 silence of the lambs?) and otrher guys stay behind

john wayne explains to wife he iced the guy in self defence and she sez shev hated the guyb anyway

so wayne goes to tel son about it and son has a fish he caught and he gets hurt on it and wayne helps him

mom stops wayne and says truth isdnt the most important thing and it mighjt damnage the kid and her husband is a p o s who married her fore the land and ledft right after

then some soldiers come back after an attack

So the wagons go into a big wasteland and the indians atack and they circle the wagons 

john wayne sees they want the Americans to flip the wagons so he has them drive out andfthe indians break off, then attack

they circle the wagons again and fight and kid is scared and donyt wanna be apache anymore

they book it but johnwayne is left behind and takes out capped guy with a good shanking and runs

the indiands retreat as their leader bit it and the guy who wanted the rifle j fk'd an indian and saved wayne, so wayne gives him the gun

they figger the indians are over and their way of life is done

theryu ride off to san dimas and go up a hill like Moses going up at the end of The Ten Commandments

the end

that was pretty good

nice actkon

goes by fast and has good flow

dont drag and has good feels

nice music and filming

its well done

john wayne is always good in these and this one holds up

i did see some of this years ago but didn't recall much

glad i saw it. classic john wayne

For Hondo 2 i want them to come across a spaniish ship in the desert full of gold but its haunted by skeleton warriors and they want to eat the flesh off the peiople to gain human forme and they gotta fight it out. also its a 16 bit action game like the genesis pirates of dark water on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar,gba and tg16 where you play as john wayne and go through the ship and fight the reforming skeletons

Saturday, May 8, 2021

The Importance Of Being Earnest Review

 Notte: I spell earnestly

the importance of be8iing earnest

This is my review on he Importance of Being Earnest from 1952

its wroitten by oscar wilde who did doreian grey which was f-kked up

its dirtectal by Anthony Asquith who did the 38 pygmALLLION. which i liked

it stars micxhaelk redgrave, and a buncha britlers i never heard of

i never saw tthis b4 but heard its good? maybe? i dont know. i just know the title

and its not connected to hay vern itsd ernest nor earnest evans, although being in the 1800s, could be a prequel to it

lol,m edith evans is in this, earnest and evans

ooh, this has Joan Greenwood from barbarella and Miles Malleson from ther 40s theif of baf dad and Aubrey Mather from the 40s jekyl and hyrdesd and jane eyre and Richard Wattis from chitty chitty bang bang

ooh itsx fullscrtenn and color

so it starts bwith people at a play anmd reading the playtbill and its the credits

then they watch the play and this guys taking a bath but we dont see his 16 incher

this this dude is talking to another guy and its all brittish as he gets groomed

they talk about 1 guy flirtingh with gwen and eat sasusage

i know these guys are birts, but they seem pretty fruity

oh moustache guy is wanting to marry her and dude is her cousin

cousin readds a thing with an inscription frommoustache guy, oh its a cigarette case

also its vanentines day 1895 and the case says "to your uncle" even though its from mousaches aunt

alsdo they have fictional personas of maougtche being ewrnest and cousij beiung bunbery and go by therm in different places

moustache sez he was adopted and was guardian to some chick and fakesd being ernest,m his made up kid bro, to go incognito

copusin uses bunbury to use as cover to go places

later moustache goes out and goes to this place witha guy eating cucumber sandriches like that sonic guy and they eat the long food

1st sausage then cocumnvbers?! wehat is this? eiken?

so then these chicks come in, a hag and a young and oh the young is gwen

so cucumber guy whines thsat they are outta cucumbers and hag complains about bunbury

wait, i think sandwich guy is cousin

so cousin goes off with hag to b0ne or w/e and main moustache guy tyalks to gwen

i'm having trouble following this with its brittish talk

so gwen sez she heard of ernest and loves him

kinda like those dinks who love anime chicks and j-rk off on body pillows

oh she thinks main guy is ernest asnd he tryus to say if she'd love him if he had another name

also she hates his real name and only likes ernestg

he wants to marry her and probably have a brit mo daemon rityual weedding but dont get the words out right for a bit

he eventually doos and they say their love and almost kiss but hagmo comes back (oh its her mom) and b--ches at em

she dont consent to her legal age dughter engaging to a guy and sends her down so she can grill main guy

she's glad he smokes and thatt he knows nothing as its good to have a hobby and a man should know evberrtyhting or nothing

he tells her his money level and has no political leanings and he don;t knowe who his rents are as he never knew them and was found and given to some fam like Goku

she dont like not knowing his ancestry and dont let him marry her kid as i guess she wants to make sure they are relkated so they can magke inbred kids like all the blue bloods prefer

inbreeding, better known as "keeping it in the family" is a practice done by many elites and animals who like keeping their bloodlines pure. seer also; dogs of the highest petigree

so gwen still likes him and later in the country is getting flowers and talking with hagmo

wait, i think its some other chicks and other chick wants main guy and ernest to come by

they talk about some brit sh-t i dont get and she dont like happy endings in novels

better read some go nagai then!

a guy named canon according to wikip[edia comes by and is all fuddled like a brit

other hag is into him and wasnts to marry him

so later main guy sendz a note saying hes ernest and comming and cousin comes by and pretends to be ernest

she dont like him at 1st and grow closer after talk

later main guy comes by and sez ernest bit it in soviet paris last night

then cousin chick comes out happy saying ernest is here and the canon and other hag are happy hes alive and not questiong it

main guy dont wanna shake hanfds with cousin but she makes him by saying she wont forgive him if he dont

in a different room main guy b----ches at cousin for his acts and wants him to leave

main guy goes to get changed as cosuin wont leave him in black as its protocol to wear it when someone bit it

so cosuin goes to other chick and she writes in her diary about lovey dovvey stuff he sez

he tells her he wants to marry her and she reveals that she was engaged to ernrst b4 but brioke it off

also she revals she couldnt like him if he had another name, esp his real name

so main guy goes to a priest or something and asks to be Christiened

so later other chick meets hag and wait, its gwen shes meeting and they get along

they chat and find they are both in love with ernest and bother were asked to marry by him

they bicker over it and main guy comes over and kisses gwen but other chuick reveals he's really her guardian

then cousin comes in and gewwn reveals he';s now ernest either

they come out about trheir real names and the chicks dont like them cuz of tyheir names

but they wanna see the real ernest but he reveals there is none

so the guys say they made arrabngement sto be Christened as Ernest and come back insiide singing

the chix ask why they did the name game and they say tyo be with them

they reveal to the chix they are gettign their names changed and da chix love em now

they hug but hag comes in and is b--chy and bossy

main guy has enough of her sh-t and slugs her out and her jaw comes off in a spray of blood!

jk really he sez hes engaged to her and she sez no

cousin sez bunbury bit it and her nephew the cousin wants to marry other chick

tyhey reveal otehr chick is the adoppted kid of main guy

she grills main guy over the stats of other chick asnd sshe likes it

mainm guy dont give consebnt to the other chivk to marry as shes underaged (da f--k?! england noooo!) and reveals cousins lies about faAKING BEING ERNEST

hag ALLOWS MAIN GUY TO MARRY GWEN but main guy don't want  cousin to marry her

also other chick is akmost 18, which means shes the same as 8, but main guy rebveals shes of age at 35

man they got some crazy asge of consent laws up there in soviert england!

then again nowadays, 35 year oilds still live with their rents

wait, hag still dont want main guy to marry gwen and masin guy is holding his consent until he can marry

canon the priest is gonna rename em but hag dont wwant it but when canon sez the name of orther hag, main hag recognizes the namne

hag merets other hag and its revealed shhe had a bABy but was accidentally left in a bag when she had a bimbo moment and misplaced it

turns out, the baby was main guy and he breiings the bag he was found in down and she recognizes it as hers

oh and the mom was the hags kid sister so i guess they can inbreed now and his dad was the cousins dads brother

also he was named after his dad aND they look in the aRMY IST AS HES A GENERAL

turns out; its ernest as rich guys name their kids after themnselfes like Donald Trump Jr or J FK Jr or Garlic Jrt

he sez he finally sees the imporitance of being ernest and kisses the chickl

ther end

ooh, its made in pinewood studios in england like Batmaan

so that was a  pretty goode filme

good wit, good acting, good feel, nice lite humor

not dark or f'd up, clean, light and mild

it takes some getting used to but its got a nice warmth

i kinda like the late 1800s early 1900s and this has that classy vibe

good twists too

glad i saw it. its a wholesome film thats nice and well made

plus the bright colors look great

for The Importance of Being Earnest 2 I want the couples to be married but their kids are inbred and have weird mutation powers, also its ww1 and they gotta fight the germasns, but learn the brits are the bad guys so they defect to fight for zee kaizer. also its a 2 player beat em up thats 16 bit on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you play as the  kids of the inbreeders from the 1st film and are higher evolved from the good genes being consentrated and fight the germans at 1st, but can choose to join em and beat the king (who's got demon powers) or stay brittish and fight the Kaizzwer (with a metal gearspring arm)

Wednesday, May 5, 2021

We're No Angels Review

 Note; i spell unholy

we're no angels

this is my review on we're no angels from 1955

its also got a 89 ver with commies deniro and sean penn

its directed my michasel curtiz who's done good stuff and stars humphrey bogart, aldio ray, basil rathbone, joan bennet, and a few 1800s guys i never heard of

i never saw this but my mom likes bogart

oh and peter ustinov from quo vadis is in this

its based opn a play i never saw

so after credits its devils island on xmas in 1895 and its a prison island like australia as some frenchie sings his devolverd language

then its day and 1 guy is sewlling butterflies and a boat came by and 3 cons escaped

the 3 cons played by bogard and aldo and peter are on a sack of cr-p and overhear the guard they beat us survived

1 has a snake and 1 tries to grab a chicks a55

thats the same as jamming his footling in her mouth by todays standards

then it rains and the hunter killer dogs looking around lose the scent

the convicts wanna return to soviet paris and meet a ship officer who sez theres an outbreak of plague and they admit to im they convicts

also they picked his pockerts and stop by a store and jack a buncha sh-t b4 the ownerr arrives

they tell the owner they need weork and will do it for free (thats slavery) and start working on his leaky butt roof

on da roof thery see the ship and bogard wants to forge papers and they watch owner and his woman talking aboutn the sh-0t they got asnd how his cousin or w/e bought his business when owner went bankruimp

the conms watch her undress and talk about thinking of her tonight (which means j-rkin off)

so she notices em looking in onher in her 1800s undies and a lady comes in for nuying xm,as cr-p

she goes on about the diffenert kind of crooks to hire and says murderers are best and not secks fiends

i assume the seks fiends are gonna be j-rkin off all over the work area

hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg pssssssssssssssssssssssstttttttttt!!

also owner has a daughter who is 18 and i assume the convicts are gonna b0ne her

alsdo shes in love with a guy she aint seen in a year (like with chichi not seeing goku all those times?)

oh and the lover is the son of the owners cousin

inbreeding?! what is this?! england?! I mean; soviet england!!??

wife to hert husband; i have 2 kids, isabella and you!(kisses him)

mne: This jst went svu! seducing her son!

then duaghter comes in and dad sez shes pretty cuz she looks like him

thats all kinds of f'd!!

my own clone! now neighter of us will be virgins!!

daughter wants to go to paris like its nadia the secret of blue weater onsega genesis or something

daughter sez she decided to not write to cousins son for a year tyo see if they feel the same

then owner gets a letter saying his cousin and cousins son are comming and are in the boat on shore

she reads the letter andf blascks out and teh conbvicts come down 

this is is how p0renm0es start

they read thast son is gonna get married to another chick

mom comes in and they explain and she wakes up buit reblacks out seeing aldo

aldo carrys her to her bedroom and bogart explains aldo was arersted for b0ning and peter was arrested for wasting is woman

bogart sells a comb set to a bald guy (he's gonna comb his butthair)

thery try to get change and peter opens ther cash box

then they reveal their snake adolphe, who bit a mean guard, is missing

daighuter comes out with the snake box and fiunding out its a snake, balcks out again

bogard loox at the books and the other 2 loot the store and when owner comes back he thinks them moving a mannqequin is them icing his woman

later bohart sells a guy a coat he knows is too small by making it look like its a bigger one

owner invites em to have xmas dinner and the 2 non bogharts set the table like a circus guy

so daughter wants to run away but aldo sez to wait to hear cousins sons side of the story

dshe sez she thinks men aint attracted to her (which a sling bikini would fix) and also sez he could go to jail for feeling fore ghirls(pro pedo message??)

its revealed he asked his uncle for money by beating in his head with a poker and bohgart cooks a turkey

gobart sez he has no ragrets and would do it again if he didnt get caught

so they put up christman stuff and daughter wears a dress

so they play xmas songs and the cons feel regret about planning on murdering the family, but gobart still wants to do it

so cousin and son come by and cosuin is kinda b--chy and sex he's marrying off son to a ship builder guy to get a discount

booghart sez the stores been getting in a huge number of money and gives evidence

owener calls em out on it after cosuin left and they crack the safe and cook the books

cousin comes out to look at em and brings em into his room

owner feels releived as he'd have regretted faking it

so then the cons go into sons bedrrom and try to get daughter and him to meet

wife comes down and worried about her daughter and bohart sez to give daugheter a chance with son to see if they work

so daughter is with son and cosuin coomes in telling her she wont get his money and sez owner is gonna be on devils island as a convict

cosuin b--ches at the convicts saying he's gonna get em sent to solitary (which is iunhumane by todays candya66 standards)

so the cons haver a mock trial with each other and decide to execute the cosuin

wtf this was 13+ in sovieyt argentina and 15+ is communist swedenb

buncha candya55es

so they're gonna use trhe snake to ise the cosuin but bogatr cant bring himself to fdo it as the fam would feel bad

then coauin comes in saying he kknows they were jacking thje store and thinks their snake box is stolenn property and takes it

they caslmly talk about warning cousin but decuides to play cards to decide

they draw cards and bogart wins and is gonna tell cosuin of the poison snake

but he takes his sweet a55 time and its too late when he gets there

at night bogart fakes a will and decide to leave after someone finds the body and will

the lady from b4 comes by but bogaert cant get her to com,e to the room

the other cons cant find the snake andthey look but daughter comes by

they wabnt her to find ccaounsen but shes still p-ssed at him and goes to church

they check da garden and owner comes by and dont wanna see cousin either

they chat with wife who sez she thought of ways to ice cousin but wouldnt go beyonmd thinking

son comes by and thery get him to check cousin and he finds him dead

turns out, son is glad cousion went back to h e doubble french canada and later burns the fake will

the cons ask about the will and se sez he didnt find 1 and will inherit everything

also he wont marry daughter and is gonna can owner if inventory isnt up

the guys want the snake to ice him too but figger its gone

then son comes in saying the snake biut him as he went thgreough his dads pocket

the guys lauigh and bring him out back to bite it

then daughter comes in saying she prayed for them andf cousin and knows son dont love him

shes ok with it and goes off and the guys tried to say son loved her

then navy guy comes in saying hes the dr to investigate the caousn biting it

they want him to marry daughter and she meet hi and hes gay for her

daughter finds son offscreen and screams and faints and navy guy brings her up

later the cons are in new threads and say bye to the owner and wife and go to the boat sayioong "we're bno angels"

but realize they like prison and choose to go back and halos appear on their heads, and the snake

the end

that was pretty good

nicew clean fun and lightly dark

its witty and has a bit of a 3 stooges feel

i enjoyed it and hard to believe in under 2 years after this, bbogart woulkd bite it

this is a nice bright good time based on a play and has a positive atmosphere

its well made and is just plane enhjoyable

alsdo its got good twists and goes playes ypou wont expent

for we'rer no angels 2 i want it to be a prison movie where they form a gang and gain members through beatdowns and deals. also its a 128 bit pst, dreamcast, gamecube and xbox game like bully but you play as them and go around prison and try to work your way up top take out the big gangs.

Saturday, May 1, 2021

The Spy Who Came In From The Cold Review

 Note: i can spell good when i wanna, but its more fun this way

The Spy Who Came In from the Cold

this is my review on The Spy Who Came In from the Cold from 1965

its directed by martin ritt who did sounder

it stars richard burton and no one else i know

in nevewr xaw this b4 but heard its good

its bassed on a book i never read by some frenchie

so after credits to soft piano its the gate crossing of ther berlin wall bvefore reagan took it out with his americanism

the boundary between freedom and communism

so burton is waiting for someone at the gateway to h e double ussr and the guy hjes waiting for might have been caught by a commie chasing him

its in widescreen and b/w

burton walks by the boarder and 2 soviet guards are there armed

and if the soviets attack, they can't fight back or it'll be war

like how n soviet england and canada guns are banned so onlyu bad guys have enm

a guy walx a bike through da czech poine and the alarm goes off

da sovierts attack him and he rides his bike as they ice him

later burton chatz with a britmo who sez he knows everyones fate but its not his jobn to tell burton

at a brit place, burton meeets his boss and boss drinks tea cuz hes too devolved for pop

so bos is gonna reassign burton and has a speecch of how his side is said to be peaceful but really both r bad

so boss wantsa burton to find mundt, the guy chasing the guy who got it at the start

so later burton is at a job hiring thing and gets sent to assist at some place

he worx at a library for 11 brittish money a week and goes out to bars fore lunch

then its raining cuz its cr-ppy weather in soviet england and he goes to a store with a guy cutting meat on a salicer

imagne putting a guys face on it?


or his a55!


so burto trys to buy something but needs a bvankers thing

also the brits are reoreganiziung the library and use queerr words like metamorphosis for a werewolf book or aparations for phantoms

so he goes home with the chick working there and they have coffee and its revealed they don't believe in The Lord

she reveals shes a commie and think they are gonnado good with it

Stalin, MaO, pOL pOT, cASTRO, tRUDEAU,all thought to do good, but did evil

look at all the people who fought and died to get into the ussr over the berlin wall

oh wait!

so later burtron goos ito da store for fake caviar and is drunk and p-ssed off

he beats out the store owner (stoner) and later is let outta prison and meets the commie chick

dont drop the soap

she invites him to her place for wine and fish

theres 2 kinda commies

the idealistic "everyuone willbe equal and happy"

and the realistic "imma use thius to gain power/control"

later in the park a commie trys to seduce him to working for the reds

they go drinking as thats what soviets are known for, and offers him cash to meet him at 7 30 t night

so after going around town for a while to music and meets a higher up who sez he wanted burtn to look like he's f;d and drunk but not to defect but now they'[ll use him to leave "evidence" they want out to the commies to lure out mundt

also hes ordered to not be with the cmmie chick

so at a bar burton meets guys who dont getta long with him

then meets another guy who wants him to out britmo secrets to the commies

but both are bad guys!its like if gacy and bundy were fighting!

so later he's with commie chick and talk about leaving jail

if this were made today he'd be b0ning the girl instead of talking

wait, they kissed and tit fades out

they b0ned

so later burton goes to the netherlands (likte the netherworld in yugioh 5ds?) and metts a ghuy who goes over his life story

burton sez he worked on stuff about the code names of agents and tells em about operation rolling stone, which he sez is a banking thing

burtton b--ches bout work and how he hates da brits side and a paper sez burton is missing in soviet england

he realizes they leaked his info and are gonna sneak him to soviet union and wants his cash and out but they wont let him go

mr smily meets commie chick and gives her his card saying he's the burtons homie

later threy go to somr sh-t house in a cr-pmobile area and 1 guy there was a nazi b4 turning commie

burton gets b--chy but 1 guy yells at him for being a traitor and they'll pay him and let him go when he gts em good info as all he gave em is cr-p

he tells the guy, a german i think, that mudnt was wortking for england

he tells german he don't believe in anything and they talk about how innocents die all the time and they dont care

so later commie chick wants to go to east germany and support the commies like aoc or bernie

so in sh-tland german guy sez theres evidence saying mundt was let outaa england and burton sez it wouldnt happen w/o him knoing of it

so later burton is in a room with some guys who probably beat/b0ned him and they take him upstairs

he's interrogated and the guy doing it in mundt but the commies come in and take em to a secret trtial

they try to prove that burton is not a spy and mundt is

huh, the commie chick was in the kings speech andn clash of the titans

so ther trial gives evidence and commie chick is called up as a witness and is not told whos on trialor why

its revealed a house was bought for her but she wont say who did it or admitting she knew smily

nico smily from yugioh arc v? that show s-cked!

she eventually admits it was smily who did it and this proves the evidence agianst mundt was false as smily was a gov guy

burtton admits its all fake and german guy gets b--chy cuz he also hates mundt

so burton goes and chick are arrested and back at the sh-t house

mundt tells thm he is a brtimo guy and is letting em go

thery drive in the car and burton sez to chick his mission was to save mundt and get the german who hates him iced as he was suspecting mundt of being a birtworker

and the brits used her to discredit burton and were to sacrifice them once the job was done

burton goeds on a speech about howe spys s-ck and they do awful things for the people they are fighting for

they meet a guy who looks like sean culllen andf he guides em to a place to get through and how to get through it

they get to the wall but sean cullen j fk's the chick and siumily sez to jump to the west german side

seeing how the brits are no better thsan commies, he gpoes back  as sean cullen tells him to go on

then sean cullen picks him of and the movie ends

the end

that was f'd

well done

kinda artsy

kinda offbeat like a 60s film with camera work and filming style like them

its pretty good but dark and depressing

shows how awful the brits and commies weere

shows the dangers of both comminusm and england

where as america is tyhe good guys who fights those evils


i likeed it but its pretty dark and bleak

then again i like go nagai and urotsukidoji

for The Spy Who Came In from The Cold 2 i want it to be the 80s and england has teamsed up with the ussr to take on america after the communist party has been voted in. lso they use exosuits to fight in the dried up seas asfter the nucular war. also america is using espers to use their powers to microwave enemy units. its also a 16 bit srps on sega genesis, snes, tg166, atari jaguar and gba where you play as an american and fight the soviets like in shining force and in the end take on the queen who has a daemonic transformastion by absorbing the souls of the brits who  fell loyal to her.