Sunday, May 9, 2021

Hondo Review

 Note: I spell Japanese, wait, its not honda!


this is myt review on hondo from 1953

its rdirected by john farrowq whop did 2 years before the mast and Night Has a Thousand Eyes

it has john wayne, Ward Bondfrom the searchers and its a wondderfil life, James Arness from the thing from another world,. Rodolfo Acosta from 1 eyed jaccks, leo gordon from black patch and alienator and the garbage pail kids movie, paul fix from scarface, hitler dead or alive and night of the lepus, Rayford Barnes from Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter and Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, frank mcgrath from The Ox-Bow Incident, mighty joe young and the red badge of courage and chuck roberson from calamity jane and the searches

i never saw this b4 i think, unless its got joihn wayne cuttig his thumb and mixing blood with a kidd, but heard sme people liked it

it was made to be in 3d cuz hollyw-ng never stops tryuing toi stuff it up our a55es

so its in color and widescreen and after credits that are hardf to read, a guuy comes to this blonde mom and sons farm

mom gets her gun and its john waynewith a rifle and dog all f'ds up

he lost his horse getting away from indians and chick sez they have a treaty with the indians

he asks for workj or a horse and he finds her husband is in the hills and she offers him a horse and a meal

his dog is dangerous and malcontent and belongs in h-ll in animals had souls

also the dog is self feeding eating rabbits and john dont want anyone feeding it so it dont get sissy

so after lunch x saber wayne trys taming a wild stallion and sharpens an axe as mom sez her husbands fam got iced in the wagon trails

she bleives in destiny as her and her husband got together from similar pasts

kid wants to play with the dog and waybe sez kid can but he adviss againsty it so kid learns for himself

nowadyas peiople go mental over kids in "danger" of name calling and disagreement as it might drive em to seppuku

so wayne figers out that her husband is gone for months as the farm is a cr-=pmobile and calls her on it

she admits her man is out and sez they ahve peace with the indianbs and wayne sez gtfo b4 they sh-t the place up

also the indians often come to their land for water and they get along with em

wayne sez the Whites broke the treaty and teh indians dont have a word for lie and are gonna sh-t up the site

waybe reveals his dog was trained to smell indians by being beat by one

waybe reveals he's part indian like dana beingh half zenmtraedi in robotech and that he can smell her and knows what she did like cooking and bathing from smell

he's wolverine from x men!

so she gives him a place to sleep and finds wayne is hondo lane the gunmanwho killed a buncha guys from his name on his item

she hgolds him at gunpooint but the gun wasnt ready to fire and he settles things and talks his way outta it

da nerxt day ice saber general wayne is leaving and sez he lived with the indians for years and had many chicks and they dead

he sez she reminds him of his jet black haired woman

btw this was pg in america and england and 16+ in finland and norway

buncha candya55es

so after a long tender moment he kisses her on the mouth and she sez she's married and he says he dont want her scalped by indians, but he lets people do what they weanna do

kinda like how The Lord gives us Free Will and if we screw up, its noty His fault

so he goes and later the indians show up in a huge pack

the leader says she was told to go off her land threateningly

her son uses a pistol to knock one off but he gets up and tryes toi cop him with a knife like its england

kid fights him off  and the leader stabs their thumbs and mixes their blood to turn him into some kind of invid

they leave and say her son is like an indian, brave(which would be cultural approproatuion now) and leader sez the White man iced his sons

so meanwhile, john wayne is atr a militaryu station and says he got an item from an indian thing by wasting em

later in a bar her gets in a fight and later realizes he just beat up the moms husband

so the capped indian is beiugn like a dad to son and says he's be a good indian

so john goes out and the head indian says she must choose an indian man to be herf new hsuband as some kidn of forced marriage like in the 3rd world

sher sez she still has a husband but he sez hes dead

later john wayne is having a snack and dipping his boots in the water and someones lurking aorund

waune escapes and 2 guys come by and get j fk'd by inidan arrowman and waynbe takes out the arroweman

wayne saves 1 guy but when the guy truys to cap wayne, the dog alwardts hima nd wayne ninja reflexes kills him

only to find its the boys dad

later john waybe is riding and indians attack and he counterstrikes to take some out

after a speed duel and getting cut off by a platoon of indians and goers down a hill

eventually they swarm and catch him and he raises his hand and obliterates them in a huge flash of ki

jk really they catch him and are gonna skin his head and torture him dead

he knows theirt language and insults em and head indian wants to know about the Army and John Wayne knows him froma  treaty copuncil

he wont ssay why hes in their land and they put a burning rock on his tird hand to torture him

but they see he's got the photo of the son and they think hes the father and cut him free

you are NOT the father

black guys: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

thern capped gu and wayne have a knife fight like its michael jacksons beat it

waybe gets shanked in the chest but disarms the foe and gets a blade to his neck and wins

head indian yanks out the knife and roll out and eventually arrive at moms farm in the rain with jogn waine

they ask if john wayne is her man and she sez yes and they let him life with her

but capped guy wastes john waynes dog as revenge for losing a fight to him

So she treats his wounds and he gives her the card of her son and sez her man is in h e double ireland

john wayne says he died well and donty admit to icing him

later john waybe gives kid fishing advice about now letting ur shadow on the water and kid cant swim

so john wayne chucks his a55 in the water and tells him how

kid gets it fast and moms overworried and sez she can't swimn, then runs b4 he chux her in 2

later its night and he trys to tell mom about what he did but she goes on about the moon or some cr-p

he admits to icing a dude and then hears a sound and its head indian who sez he was in the house and saw kid sleeping with knife

so head indian sez a rival tribe is coming near and tells him to lie to em but john wayne sez noi and head indian respects that and leaves

wayne sez he was being tested and indians hate lies and he feels the same way

later the Amry comes by and 1 is this 1800s prospector who looks like my redneck friend and say the indians are scalping innocent people

also they're evacuating people from the area from indian attacks like the people fleeing earth after the invid attacked in robotech and the 1800s guy, buffalo baker, is a fun character

jhn wayune sez he has a pace like this by san diemas like where bill and ted live

1 guy sez he found the moms husband and john waynes tracks and he want his gun in exchange fopr silence

after making what i think are comments of john wayne b0ning the mom, wayne slugs him out and the chick was there and heardwayne did her husband

the army movs on and buffalo baker (the ancestor of buffalo bill from the cr-ppy a55 silence of the lambs?) and otrher guys stay behind

john wayne explains to wife he iced the guy in self defence and she sez shev hated the guyb anyway

so wayne goes to tel son about it and son has a fish he caught and he gets hurt on it and wayne helps him

mom stops wayne and says truth isdnt the most important thing and it mighjt damnage the kid and her husband is a p o s who married her fore the land and ledft right after

then some soldiers come back after an attack

So the wagons go into a big wasteland and the indians atack and they circle the wagons 

john wayne sees they want the Americans to flip the wagons so he has them drive out andfthe indians break off, then attack

they circle the wagons again and fight and kid is scared and donyt wanna be apache anymore

they book it but johnwayne is left behind and takes out capped guy with a good shanking and runs

the indiands retreat as their leader bit it and the guy who wanted the rifle j fk'd an indian and saved wayne, so wayne gives him the gun

they figger the indians are over and their way of life is done

theryu ride off to san dimas and go up a hill like Moses going up at the end of The Ten Commandments

the end

that was pretty good

nice actkon

goes by fast and has good flow

dont drag and has good feels

nice music and filming

its well done

john wayne is always good in these and this one holds up

i did see some of this years ago but didn't recall much

glad i saw it. classic john wayne

For Hondo 2 i want them to come across a spaniish ship in the desert full of gold but its haunted by skeleton warriors and they want to eat the flesh off the peiople to gain human forme and they gotta fight it out. also its a 16 bit action game like the genesis pirates of dark water on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar,gba and tg16 where you play as john wayne and go through the ship and fight the reforming skeletons

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