Wednesday, July 27, 2022

Wild Wild West Review

 Note: I spell like this film is

Wild Wild West

Thios is my review on wild wiold west fropm the distant fuiture year (To D W Griffith) of 1999 (The year Robotech happened)

Its directal by Barry Sonnenfeld who did The Addams Familin 91, Addams Family Values, mrn in bleck 1 2 and 3

it stars will smith from independencer day 1,  men on black 1 2 and 3, Enemy of the State, al i, I, Robot, I Am Legend, Hancock, and the bad aladdin, Kevin Kline ffrom the disney The Hunchback of Notre Dame/The Tale of Despereaux/ the bad Beauty and the Beast/Bob's Burgers, Kenneth Branagh from Chariots of Fire/Mary Shelley's Frankenstein/the 90s Othello/The Road to El Dorado/Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets/Rabbit-Proof Fence, Salma Hayek from From Dusk till Dawn/The Faculty/Once Upon a Time in Mexico/Bandidas, Ted Levine from Escape From New York/The Silence of the Lambs/the 00s The Hills Have Eyes/Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, M. Emmet Walsh from Escape from the Planet of the Apes/Back to School/Harry and the Hendersons/ A Time to Kill/William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet/The Iron Giant, Musetta Vander from Mortal Kombat: Annihilation/O Brother, Where Art Thou?/The Cell/Boy Meets World/Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Xena: Warrior Princess, Bai Ling froom The Crow/Touched by an Angel/Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow/Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon from Manhunter/Coming to America, Rodney A. Grant from Dances with Wolves/Geronimo: An American Legend/Ghosts of Mars, Ian Abercrombie from Young Frankenstein/The Ice Pirates/Army of Darkness/Addams Family Values/Pocahontas/The Lost World: Jurassic Park/Mouse Hunt/Shrek/Rango/Happy Days/Touched by an Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction/The Batman, Ismael East Carlo from Patch Adams/Eraser, Debra Christofferson from Mouse Hunt/My Favorite Martian/White Oleander, Derek Mears from Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest/The Hills Have Eyes 2/the 2009 Friday the 13th/Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters/Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters/the 2014 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie/Alita: Battle Angel, and some guys who aint on wikipedia

I never saw this b4 butrecALL bURGER kING HAVBING a thing to propmote it in 99 and me and my brothers ta;ked about Pokemon Rumors for the next game

I hear the movie gopt sh-t on for being bad, but i like em bad, so maybe i'd like this

Its based on a tv show from when my rents were young I never saw\

oh wow, this woon rAZZIES AND THEY changed the main character black for this

so after logos we see a guy running iin the south in 1869 from wghat he calls a giant spiderand is killed with a saw blade with a spider on it

then openning credits for as few mins, then will smith with a chick making outin a water topwer

bounce bluured out her b00bs even though theres no nips

some guys working for grant come by ad will is interested in em and they seem to satart to b0ne

the water tower falls over aND NAKED will smith covers his 7 pounds man thing with a hat and beats up the guys there

i think thery werent grants boys

then we see kevin kliner having put on womens clothing and hanging about in bars and the gguy wjho sawed the guy b4, with a fake ear is his target and he uses a boxing glove on a flower to k o a guy who wants to b0ne him

will smith gets dressed as he fights like bootleg jackiwe chan and gets on a horse cart carrying nitro

so kenvin sewduices the ear guy and will falls off a cliff but the horses pull the rope hes on up and he finds this general from the ciivil war in this bar with kevil kline and they go up wioth animal sounds as hew  goes to b0ne the kline

kevin hypnotoives ear man to find who the scientist in this room nexrt door in a bag

the hypno bra f'd out and will smith busts ion andbeats out ear man, the general, and is gonna ice him but kevin defends him and gen ear gets away

kevin comes out to will that hes a u s marshal andthis german chick reading his lips from a distance tells what they say to a guy in a cart who sends the nitro cart in to blow the place

like sttreet fighter how the truck of asplosives headsa for em and zangeif sez"qwick! change da channel!"

so the next day or w/e, will smith gopes to the president grant even though its the 1860s and they didn';;t take kindly to non Whites there

he tells ggrant about the general getting away and grant knows kevin is the best

will knows its not grant and aimns a gun at him and its kevin fakiong it

grant went to west point not harvartd likew the watch on klines hand

real grant comes in and sez these sciientists were caught wjjo worked on asplosives and there was a note saying he has 7 days top surrender the gov

they know theres a guy above general and they are sent to solve the case

will smith goes on a horses a55 and kevoin on a rocket 1800s big wheel bike

what is this? jacka55?

so they go on as train, wait, its will racing after it on hortse to get kerevn on the train to let him in

he uses a gadget or something to get him in and made a bullet p[proof vest

kevin dont like violernce and will punches him so kervin does kung fu movers, kicks a button, and a device traps will unbder the train

will hits a level to pull kevins chain under, so they go back up and choose to team up

kevin uses the head of a guy who was a sacientist to use lightthrough his eyes as a film projector as the lasty thing he saw is burned in his eyes

that dont add up

so they put his glasses on and can read a paper genbberal ear was holding as i guess eyes see in 16K

kevin offers to have will smith disguised as his man servent but wqwill smith goes full jar jar and sez he'd rather eat his gun

kevin sez they gotta go in duisguise and he suggests going as a woman and boat captsin and will smith says 90s slang like: U WAS NASTY, THAT WAS BUTT UGLY

KEVIN has will smith feel his fake b00bs aND WILL TRREPLACES THE BUCKWHEET IN THEm with water

so wiill smith, who later made a slavery movie, goes to this confederate place aND KILLS A MAN WITH A NOSE SHOT FIR asking why hes here

then sneaks into this place with daNCERS and meets bailing from the crow who sez tonight is a comming out party of a guy they thought was dead

then we see a statue of abe lindcon coming in and it bluowsa open and kennith brannah comes out in a wheel;chair w/o legs

hes vengeful over getting his parts blown offin the war and hes got nopthing from the waiist down as they had electric wheelchairs in then

ken andwill make jabs at eachotherand ken goers off to see gen and will thinks a chick is kevin but hes really fakking being a frenchie(frog face?)(

oh its a steam powered wheelchair and ken plansd to supply gen ear toattackl something

after they go, will comes in the gen rom and copy's something and bai ling comes in and seduces hium

theres snipers faking being in paintings like its a f--kin zeLDA game and will caps em like hes steven segaL

so will tells a chick he thinks is kevin whats up and slaps on her b00bs thinking its a man but its a real womana nd will smith is slapped by her

is that where he got it from??

so wiill is caught at gunpoint for his seuxal assault

kecin goes in this room and finds a chick in a cage in her undies and users his gadgets to get her out

so will smith is gonna be strung up and keeps saying b00bies as thats how they talked in the 1800s

he sez in his peoples homeland, they used drums toi communicate and sezx sorry for saying "redneck" which he sez means good things

then jokes about slavery being cool and offers to marry the chick then sez he thgought she was a man and she faints

so will fights his way out and kevin uses his stretchy rope noose to get out and sping into a moving wagon as this is b the 60s batman

the lynching thing was a trick so keven could search for the scientists but they weren't there and he has the chick with them

ken sez ears name was blood bath mcgrtath and then we see a steam tank going to a crowd and wasting all the guys there, wait, i think its their confederate guya

gen ear doint want this and nearly caps ken but ken uses a hidden gun to ice him

ken wants to take over irregardless of how many men he has and tells his investors if they want a piece pof the action they can giuve him gold

ken goes off to getta train with his ninja bimbos adnd holy cr-p we're only a 1 hour in with adds

oh and he called his tank a tank, even though that term started in ww1

so he erquips the steam tank into the train and goes off and this is feeling like bad metal slug

will smith finds the bodiies and theres no buillet holes or blood as you gotta keep it pg13

will smith knows of this tank and heard of a free slave town where a week b4 the war ended he found they were iced for target practicve

will smith finds ear wounded and not dead and he wanted to ice him in revenge and ear sez ken killed the peopooel byy manning the machine

gen ear bites it b4 he tells and chick sez she knows as the chicks in the place traLK AND THEYY go to utah, where grant is

didnt grant wanna kick out the Jews from the border towns outta fear of them helping the Confederates for Money?

so will has chick sent off to texas as he dont want her in the wayy and he thinks he'd fall for her

imagine someone editing wild wild west and Emancipation together to look like after his cowboy days, will smith was enslaved and  tried to escape?

so kevein wonders why ken wants chick as he has no parts and she comes in the device that got will smith on and she sez the french and spains want revenge for the lousianna purchase and other things

will wants to send chick back but she wants to save her dad and kevin shows he has sleeping gas pool balls

will smith wonders what ken is gonna make to take over and bounce blurrs out chicks a55 crack even though its covered

so later its day and kevin put a blacdein will smiths shoe and other things and they are heading for the kens train

after going through a tunnel they lose em but the train was raised up on metal things outside the tunnel and lowers and follows them

will smith goes under the train on the pool table and rolls on the tracks on it but the wire holding it breaks

he uses the stretchu rope to spring around and does a flip even bruce lee couldnt do to get on the train

he fights a guy and ends him with a shoe knife, better than a shoe p[hone, then puts a thing on the steam traiin tank steam pipe

the tank train fires an arrow that busts into the train and catches it on a chain aND WILL SMITH FALLS OFF WEHEN THE TANK TRAIN STOPS


will and keven wake up in these metal nmeck things like the scientist at the start was in and in a metal wiure around em

ken sez he has ways of replacing his lost man parts as i guess its like mecha freeza and goes off in their train

will smith goes off the wire ands trips the t5ap and these metal blades comes after em like freeza in dbz and they riun through the corn field to escape them

its magnet tracking and they jump over as cliff as the blades come and they blow apart in a fireball for some reason as the heroes fall in a pit of sh-t

ken, who has bad face hair like a 2020s guy akss where she was and she sez she went with em to find him

will smith asks kevben to dsave him from the metal collar and keven has enough of of will smiths cr-p

he raised his hand and slices off his head witha  arate chop andhis body sprays blood

jk rrally he hits the neck thing with a rock and it reversesa the polarity of his neck collar and they link together

thats not how magnets work!!

after they get in poses like they wanna b0ne each othert, they fall, in the water and keven gets his spare tool kit

also; if ken takes over america, why not go to soviet canada like all the commies say when their guy loses?

later will smith eats a gila monster cooked on a stick after they got out of the neck thing

will has a spider on his hand but isn't afraid of it like most black guys, and sez he was raised by indians after he ran awayy fdrom home

his fam was wiped out by kens attack in the war and will stands by as a wasp eats a spider as he doesnt care for innocent life

then its day again and kevin carrys the collar and it pulls him to the prifvate track  of i think ken and he finds his train and they find kens hidden city

then ken gets out the stoopidest thing from herte; a giant spider gundam!!

its got a power cannon that blows down stone towers and goes off to get grant

will wants to go get em and keven wants to make a wasp thing to counter the spider that can fly like a da vinci thing

btw this giant spider thing was oroginally gonna be used in a kevin smith superman movbie, but seeing as he ruined He Man, we may have dodged a billet

so grant is gonna put a gold spike in the railroad to unite america and it keeps popping out as the spider mech is comming and shaking the earth

is this like jurasdsic park with the water shaking?

grant powers up and his hair turns pink and her flies up at it and battles it with ki blasts

jk really he stands there like a f--kin dumba55 and ken comes by, introduces himselfd and demands America surrenders

when grant mouths off at him, ken blows a train and keven comes out as fake grant but both are caught in a f--kin net gun

will comes up and is shot in the torso and falls like 80 feet on his back

then in the spider mech, with a confederate flag with a spider on it, ken gives a speech of american wins like 1776 and the Alamo

will wakes upo having worn the bullet proof vest but that dont explain his surviuving that fall

he shows his planto split america with the 13 colonies back to england, the lower onews go to spain and he gets the upper ones

giving America back to england? he IS the bad guy!

will goes back to the train and gets an idea and ken wants grant to surrender as he made the south do

grant sez no and ken sez hes gonna cap kevin who's wearing a vest and sez to get his heart which loves the country

ken sez get his head but will smith comes in faking beign a belly dancerand despite ken having no parts, has an interest in that

will smith just turned him queer

also smith slipsmn keven some items and sediuces ken more but hsi bra bursts with fire and flame throwers kens men

ken sez "kill him" implying he knew its a guy and has been turned and esacapes

so kevin makes a slying bike like da vinci or the 1900s guys did with his rockety bike and they go over a cliff to fly off


ken teries tro make grant surrented by going godzilla on a town as grant is at gunpoint

then keven flies by and drops nito on em but is shot down by one of kens ninja bimbos using a gattliong gun

they crash into the spider but get caught and offers then a chance to surrender but will sez no and is dropped in a lower level to fight a guy with swords for arms

what is this? 300?

then will fights more guys, incluiding 1 trying to crush his parts witha  shovel, and has a steven segal action scnee where he takes guys out 1 by 1

then he fights a guy whos made of metal enhanced parts like the f---kin terminatioreand he cant damage him so he gives him a huge a55 wrench and he spazzes out and falls over dead

btw, why didnt ken just hve em capped? he had like 3 times he could have ended em, 2 in the hgead, 1 in the a55

so ken goes goes to fight will smith and his wheelchair turns intoi some kinda centaur thing and thwe wheels vanish like its transformers

keven pulls the gun will gave him and makesd the chick drop her gun and fired a shot in the centaurt leg and its goo comes out and breaks

keven dance fights the blonde and she falls off the thing

ken gets back to his wheel chair and fires a shot through will smiths a55 or something and it f'd the mechanics and thwe spider, which is going over a cliff, stops

ken and will are hanging out the spider and will pulls the level to make em fall but catches this guy he strung up and threw out in the fight

ken falls out and splatters on the floor and later grant opens a sec ret ser vice with will smith and keven as agents 1 and 2 but wont say who is wht

grant takes kevens train as train force one guy nuked and chick sez the scientist she wantrewd to save wasnt her dad, but her husbnand and goes back to texas with him

keven and will drive the spider robot, which should be gov porpeerty or something or kept from dangerous hands and ride to the sunset

the end

that got stoopider every few mins

its impossible, ridiculous, full of anachronisms, lofgic ewrrors and thing that plain dont make sense

then again, its entertaining

its a big loud dumb 90s film and yeah they go nuts, but its like an 1800s men in balndk

the acting is good and the effects are good for the 990s and its got nice music aND STYLE



and f u caps lock, suck my 7 inch uncut weener!

Alsoi like2 or 3 times, the bad guy had them and coiuld have ended em, but chose some dumba55 james bond/austin powers trapo

And him wanting the grant to surrender to him was used in the GOOD Mulan with the hun wanting the emperor to bow to him

why not jusat end grant and SAY he surrendered? I mean he wAStes his own men, why not lie? what are they gonna do? ask the real grant?

i think its not meant to be a serious movie, just a silly action film, and for that, it succeeds

sorta like bad hercules and xena with anachronisms and slang

its  not bad, its stoopidm but entertains

best seen in a room full of guys making comments

Its fast paced and if it weren't fopr commercials to write and priocess, I'd haave a harder time reviewing this

For Wild Wild Went 2 I want it to the the 1880s and America has went to war with the countries who worked to bring it down, but America has reverse engeneered the spoider mech and threy have other giant animal mechs they made by using double agents to copy em. Also its a 32/64 bit arena fighter on Sega Saturn, N64 PS1 and 3DO where you play as one of the countries and use one of their giant mechs and fight in a 3D city against others and whichever country beats all others wins.

Tuesday, July 26, 2022

Scalplock Review

 Note I sdpell scalpalicious


This is my review on Scalplock from the distanbt fduture year (To Zee Kaiser) of 1966 (40 years before American Transformers season 03)

It stars Dal;e Robertson from Tales of Wells Fargo, james doohan from star trek, and no one else i recognize

its directal by James Goldstone who did 2 eps of star trek

this was a tv movie that was a pilor for the 60s show Iron Horse

also theres like no infor for this online, its not even on wikipedia

I never saw this b4 but its giving on Grit todday

so it starts with a train going on a thing to msuic and then theres a poker game where this dark haired guy is winning and the irishman hes facing bets ownershjipm in his railroad to counter it

dark hair bets it all and wins and laughs like a nut

so he goes to the telegraph offuice and tells them hes coming, and sends another message to president grant

also this is in proper fullscreen and is 60s colored

the irish is busted up by a guy who wanted the railroad, an englishman, and wants to take him out

masin guy with dark hair celebrates and lives it up buying high end cr-p

he wants a private car for hhis train thing but hears it can take like 6 months, which would be less if non union as they dont laze about on their endless breaks

main guiy goes into a private car and finds a chick who sez it belongs to another guy and shes blondde and in undies and shows her armpits

the other guy, standish, is in the union paccific and he tells the scot there that standish is his olde friemnde

he bribes the scot 10 000 % to change the title of the car to him and this tanned guy sez if scot don't, he'd get scalped and gutted

he is coerced into doing it and main guy keeeps sending messages to the prez who isn''t responding, and its not like hes senile like some irishmen in charge

main guy gets over 20 books on railway cr--p and plans on opening up the country with da railroad

imagine if he made The Gustav like in WW2 and battled using this building sized tank?

a guy brings him a messege from grant as he leaves and her throws moneyu out for them

is this where rodneyy dangerfiend got it from in bacl tio school?

so tthen standish and the brit are thewre and brit wants to takke main guys scalp

so later main guy wants the blonde to cook but the younger guy is a skilled cook and can write well and wanted to build the railroasd

he nade dinner and chick wantsto learrn to cook and they stop to change traCKS OR SOMETHING And main guy flirtswirth blonde and mayube b00nes her on a moving train,, likepeople b0ning in jets a mile up

we''re half anm hour in already? wow, that felt like nothing

so he is gonna make 130 miles of railroad and goes in to smooch her and i huess they d0ned

they get to the part where the track ends and the workers stopped working as they weren't paid for a 1 month aand need 500 000 $ to get to work

turns out the railrooad is low on dough as is main guy and they're f'd now

he gives a speech and gewts em to be paid in stock and they'll work for him

this religious guy and abnotherr guy think hes not doing well but he sez he plans to get the railreoad built even if hes outta dough

the other guy agrtrees to work but the religious guy dont like it and wants toi get him on the right ppath

so later main guy wants to get started on work and they do, then its raining and main guy goes to town

in this storre he meets a woman who runs a store and wants her business for the railrtoad

so main guy goes to a bar and a big tall guy wants money he sez hes owned and main guy slugs him

big guy gets upo and they fight and big guy is suiper strong as hes a few inches taller than main guy

i guess hes part sasquatch

sop main guiy kicks his a55 AND HE TELLS THEM HE'S STANDISH'S BUDDY ANDTHEY AGREE TOO HELP HIM as he said the union pacific is on his side

then he fflirts with woman but she dont consent

so hhe gets back and englishman comes by sayying he owns the railroad and offers him a lot of money to buy the railroad

he looked into main guy and saw hes a drifter and gambler but main guy believes in his dream and skill to make da railroad

he meeets a gguy who dont know english andis bask and is loyaL

chick meets woman and is kinda bummed andenglishman asks if shes giving credit to him

she sez she requires money and main guy tries to win her back and it works as he promices more later

maiin guy sez hes gonna make the railroad any way he can and nnot to let anyone coerce her into making choices

maiin guy owes the workers money and sez hes going for a bank loan

so the workers work and talk on if main guy can pay em

at night main guy come by with the bucks and its in paper and gold

but then a guy with a wood hook caTCHES a guy and throws a towel over his head and takes the money

main guy sez he's gonna get more money and these sheep guys come by saying how the town hates em cuz a sheep hook was used and they think the sheeple did it

a fight breaks out aND its kinda cr-ppy at times

word is out that the bridge they made is cr-ppy and the mainbb guy and workers run a train over it

it works as this isnt that buster keaton movie where the train f's out the bridge as it goos oover

the train comes in to town and is celebrated as theres a connection to the town of scalplock

so later englishman is gonna take the railroad from in in court and woman comes by blonde and main guy in blonbdes room where blonde is kind of a 5kank

he goes out of the room and smooches woman and i guess its like sailor moon when mina dasted 2 guys at once

the judge is comming in and main guy wants to stall and come in late anmd the teen who cooks be;liueves in him

he goes on about how hes becoming a self made man and had \no fam growing up and looks up to main guy and he wants to help so he can do something as a man later

this makes maiin guy go to the trial not late and at there; he's charged wioth not paying debts and the englisdhman wants to take the railroad to equal it

main guy sez he will pay but was busy makinmg the rail road and copurt takes a recvess

standish comes by and main guy offers to team up with him anmd english wants it

english offer an a55 load of money and i think main guy asks for more and englishman cant pay so he walks off

main guy walks on and the tanned guy sez hes heading for the moutyains and gives him chasmpain

as trial is gonna go on and religious guy offers to buty some stock and believes in him foe doing so well so far

the judge gives main guy the rail road and i think he agreed to sell it to standish

he goes to giver a speecvh and sez hes gonna build the rail road and jusge, who works for standish, sez; thats not what ur spupposed to say

in his trailer; standish sez now its a high stakes poker game and now hes gonna do his best to end him

so now its more railroad being made and blonde goes off to be standish's woman and main guy smooches her as she goes

main guy goes to woman and they talk abouty how blonde is done and they go to his cabin and invites her for a dance and a walk and she sez she'd rather make love

then they make out and the track blows for a few seconds like sovierrt sodfom and gomorrah and i think that means they b0ned

the end

That was pretty good

nice story and hope

Shows American Spirit and confidence and hope

Its cool and the main guy is Charismatic and fun

The characters stand out and have personality and defining traits

Overall its well made and I liked it

I never saw the show its a thing of but this movie was fun and mostly clean

Its got good flow and doesn't drag asnd goes by at a good rate

For SCalplock 2 I want it to be years later and the main guy has made a contract with the miulitary to ise his tracks for a buildingf sized rail cannon tank that caN tAKE out targets from miles away, Also the engkishman has revealed himself to be an agentb of the brits and was trying to get the railroad to sabotage it, Also the brits have regained control of xcanada and are gonna try to use it to take over America, and the raul cannon is Americas secret thing to take em out. Also its a 32/64 bit on rails gallewry shoo ting game for Pl;aystation, Sega Saturn, N64 and 3D0 where you play as the rail cannon and take on big brit mechs made of steampunk metal and somew are madde of canadians surgically combined into 1 huge body and shocked with electricxity to make them move in unison and you gotta face these abominations and get em in the key points to blow em apart

Monday, July 25, 2022

Bend Of The River Review

 Note: I spell bent

Bend of the River

This is my review on Bend Of The River from the distant future year (to Andrew Jackson) of 1952(70 years before Robotech II The Sentinels)

Its directed by Anthony Mann who did T-Men and is based on 1950 book Bend of the Snake by Bill Gulick which I never read

It stars the woonderful Jimmy Stewart from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, It's a Wonderful Life, Rope, Rear Window, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, How the West Was Won, The Rare Breed and An American Tail: Fievel Goes West, Rock Hudson from Giant, the 50sw A Farewell to Arms, Pillow Talk and Embryo, Lori Nelson ffrom Day the World Ended, Chubby Johnson from the gayest p0rn0, jk from 7 Faces of Dr. Lao/The First Texan/Calamity Jane/Abilene Town/Overland Pacific, Harry Morgan from m a s h, The Ox-Bow Incident, the 40s Madame Bovary/Inherit the Wind/ How the West Was Won/the 80s Dragnet movie/1 ep of The Simpsons, Jack Lambert from Abilene Town/Blackbeard the Pirate/How the West Was Won, Royal Dano from The Red Badge of Courage/Moby Dick/The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn/the 60s King of Kings/7 Faces of Dr. Lao/Moon of the Wolf/The Outlaw Josey Wales/Little House on the Prairie/Killer Klowns from Outer Space/The Dark Half, Frank Ferguson from T-Men, Fort Apache, Santa Fe/the 50s A Star Is Born, aand a bunbca 1900s guys i  never heard of

i never saw this b4 but heard it got good reviews

so after logo and opening credits and title over wagons moving, its in proper fullscreen and nice color

also its by universal who did exo squad

so jimmy ruides a horses a55 and eats and has the wagon thing stop as they are by water and he can get his shirtt cleaned by soime chick

he goes off to scout ahead and finds some guys gonna striing up  ahorse theifn and saves him as hes got a gun

he and the theif ride off and the guy denies taking horses and jimym sez he saved him as he dont like lynchings

jimmy wants to try farming or ranching aND IS WITH THESE WAGON GUYS as they are good

hangman knows of himmy and when they go back to the camp they find signs of indians in the area

hangman sez his name and jimmy knows of it and they go to eat

the wagon head says he wants to go across the mountain and jimmy sez its too high and if they go up there trhey'd be stuck, like the donner party

theres somwe night birds singiing and some are from soviet cANADA

theres a girl there who might like the jimmy and hangman knows the sounds in the woods are indians

a girl gets j fk'd with an arrow and they snap the long part off as the camp fires

jimmy sez to hold their fire until they can see what they are firing at and save ammo

jimmy goes through the water and into the across the stream and hangman is back up wiuth a blade


they go in deeper and hangman knifr throws anothe indian out likeits castlevania

they go around ending indians and sneaking aroiund and jimmy fight swith one who snuck up on him but jimmy caps him

later its day and jimmy gets his shirt but it was in the bucket used to put out the fire so its got a hole burned in it

jimmy and the group go on and hangman is told by jimmy hes trying to escape his past and hangman wonders what will happen if the wagon guys find oout

so they make it tyo townand theres a river steamer and they are from missouri and they wanna go on the steamer

the cook thinks he knoiws hangman and they get the arrowed girl to a dr

dr sez to leave it alone and it'll fall out but jimym sez its not him who has it and dr goes to look at it

at night the wagon guys order supplies and they should be there when they are in the place in the spring

ther arrow is removed and she needs a month to rest and theres thhis black guy who likes her hair

she has to stay behind for a 1 month and a sassy black maid will look after her and they'll bring her up later

shes bummed and jimmy comforts her and in the party, rock hudson comes in and wants to play poker with em

ohhhhhh rock hudson plays a guy from san fran sickioso! too soon!

jimmy dances with a small blonde and talks with her about guuys and she thinks hes a geezer

in the poker game; rock hudson mn x caps a guy who drew from the bottom of the deck and seemed to know of hangmans past, and i think hangman was the one who capped him when he pulled a gun

head of the wagon guys sez he heard hangman was a raider on the missourii boarder and to not trust him as 1 bad apple rots the barrel

they goo oof oon the river steemer and we getta montage of them making theirn homes in the woods as a guy talks abotu what he wants to do

so its later and they made their quiet inbred redneck mountain town and the supplies hasnt shown up yet

jimmy and wagon boss sez missouri and kansas were good like this b4 a bad guuy came and f'd it all up

so jimmy and wagon boss come back to the steamer town and its a sh-t hole of violence and lust

apatrently there was a gold ruish and now everythign is much more expensidve and i think this is like dertoit

the items were not delivered as they were ordered not to and jimmy goes to see the town boss in a bar

oh its thew hang man and he works for the boss with rock man hudson and they are chummy with jimmy

hangman is said to be as fast as the raider from missouri who he says the name of jimym s character

jimmy goes to see the arrowweed chick and finds shes living in the sinful city and chooses to stay there but seems like its not true

hangman has her as his woman and has befouled her and jimmy says her dad is in town

the boss makes money by jyuuing the guys who need his services and jhimmy wants him to send the food they paidf for

he dont wanna and can get more money for it AND WHEN a drunk jimmy got to help him pack toe food reveals hes packed it, boss pulls a gun

jummi flips his table on him and hangman caps soem guys,m gives jimmy a gun and they shoot their way out as the town catches fire and burns

holy f that escalated quick

so jimmy and friends escape on the steamer and town boss and his goons try to head em off at the rapids

horses, which need food and rest, are gonna outrrace an steam boat, which needs neither?

somehow river boat guy nsez the baddz will get there 3-4 hour b4 em in the rapids and arrowed chick is married to hangman but dad dont appprove

i assume the hangmman is onna get it and the chicka nd the jimnmy will get together at the end

jimmy plans to go through a road in the mountains and when they get out they unload and jmmy givbes the chick a ride on the hordse in the water

after the work is done the workers wanna get paid and the jimmy sez afetr they get to the town

they dont wanna and jimmy offers to give em 400$ worth of food and when they dont wanna, hangman shoots by em

wagon boss thanks steam captain and they have a clean friendship moment which makes people think they wewre b0ning nowadays

so they go over the trail up high and they are getting tired but jimmy wants em to go on harder to avoid the town boss

the hired help wants to betray the jimmy to get the food and sell it back for a huge profit

so thwey got like a 2 hours b4 the town boss gets to em and wagon boss takes the cattle to a pplace in a box canyopn or something

they got a storm going and start a camp and hide iin the upper areas and j fk em like its the grassy gnoll

wagon boss retreats but is snipered and jimmy wants to let em go but the other dont wanna

they say town boss was a nice guy until he found gold, like the erich von stroheim movie greed

as the wagons go on they come by some gold diggers who ordered food frtom wagonm boss and when they hear hes in h e double soviety california, theyy offer 10x ewhat its worth

wagon boss cant give up his food as they hardly got enuff for the camp and its worthh more than money

the diggers are told to go back to the town but they dont wanna as its expensive

oh and they looks like the guys from deliverence

so the wagon breaks and as they change the wheel, the workers drop it to cruch the good guys who only wanna help and try to take over

wagon boss is hurt and jimmy and hangman take em down but jimmy nearly puts a knife through em but holds back as the arrowed chick is scared of it

wagon boss is ok and still dont trust hangman as he thinks if you go bad, ur bad for good but arrowed giurl, who imma just call chick from now on, thinks people can change

look at the right honorable jeffery dahmer, he was a purvo cannibal killer, but he found The Lord in jail

if someone as awful as Dahmer can change, theres hope for anyone, even trudeau!~

so jimmy talks wiith hangman about if the wagon guys will accept him if they find out his raider past

hangman wants to give the food to the gold diggers but jimmy think its worth it to help the wagon people

so later the thing goes on and rockman hudson zx goes with a calf on his horse

they get up on the top of the peak and the wotrkers grab and beat up jimmyand take his gun

chick wants to stop it and hanbgman smakes em not ice him andsez they work for him and they are going back to the plACE TO i mean the town to sell the dfood

chick doent like hangman anynmmore and is gonna cap him but is caught and he likes women who can kkill

they are gonna go to the gold diggers camp and hangman sez he's gonna see him later

jimmy vows to get him and be in the dark one night and end him and they leave him on top of the peak with no horse food or gun

but jimmy is the hero and is gonna go jean claude/stallone/arnold/segal/dolph/willis, ect

so the workers go onand 2 stay behind as the wagon f'd out and they see jimmy coming

1 guy gets a rifle and goes to end jimmy and then its raining and rock hudson goes up to the campfire where the workers are to say how the ridfleman didnt come back

hangman cant taker it and spazzes out and when 1 guys ez"whats the big deal? its only 1 man" hangman blows him ouyt

someone is firing from a distance at em and after that, hangman is worried and wants to take anothe rtrail

1 worker goes to take out jimmy and the rest stays back and eventually theres a gunshot

this just went full schwarzenegger

so they ride on and its day time and as they go on, chick lets loose a horse on the wagon for jimmy to get

so they get to da river(of no return?) and jimmy is hiding and j fkl ing them

they wonder how he got there and they blame wagon boss for cuttin lose the horse

he takes the heat and gets the beat and when rock man huidson zero legends objects, he gets a bullet in the head

hes ok and hangman goes off on a horse as his goons give covering fire

the workers run off and jimmy comes back and he, chick and her dad the wagon boss, drive the wagons

hangman goes to the gold digger camp for reinforcements and the wagons go across a hard river

so jimmy is in deep water in a wagon and the baddsz come for him and he rides a horse and wait, its hangman on the horse who snuck around and got in the wahgon to death match against jimmy

rockman hudson 4, dad and chick fire on em and jimmy and hangman fall in the river and fight in it

theyy fight as they sweepo on and jimym beats hangman out who then sinks beneith the wacves

don worry, hes gonna be ok, he was saved by some guys downstream

wagon boss sees jimmy has a rope scar on his neck and knows jimmy was a kansas cuityy faeggot o memnan rtaider

he sees the error of his ways and knows men can change and they get to town and rock hudason 1 flirts with the small blonde

jmmy is the hero and gets the arrowed girl and is a hero and waity i said that

the end

that was well doone

nice action and good bada55 characters

jimmy is cool anbd while saving hangman did help him, he went on to be a blight

like unions of nuking japan, if we keep it up, it does more harm than good

sorta like an 80s action movie with a strong cool tough guyy kicking a55 agaiinsat a group of malcointents

nice message of people can turn goodf, but only if they want to

we are who we choose to be

we see that jimmy has done wrong but wants to attone and chooses the light, where as the other guy chooses the dark

it tells a good stoey ands holds up tioday where iof a guy says 1 thing wrtong, the media malcointents want him ended

For Bend Of The River 2 I want the hanged guy jimmy beat out to be saved by catfish daemons who he makes a pact with to get revenge on the town, also jimmy has married the chick and shes really heavily pregnant with 3 kids and is looking forward to them coming out. The catfiish people attack and the dad knows of them as he heard stories of them as a kid and knows this blessing you can do on your bullets to make em end them. Also its a 128 bit 3rd person run and gun game on Sega Dreamcast, GameCube, Xbox and PS2 where you play as jimmy and go around the mountain area fighting bears and sasquatch as yyou collect items needed to make the blessing for the bullets as the catfish people attack, and the game boss is the bad guy of the last film but devolved into a large fleshy grotesque abomination by fusing with the daemons and you gotta attack his key points, which are big orange swellings that show up on him

Saturday, July 23, 2022

The Deerslayer And Chingachgook Review

 Note I spell Native European

The DeerslaYER and ChingaChgook

This is my review on The Deerslayer And Chingachgook tom the diustant future year (To Thomas Jefferson) of 1920

its directal by Arthur Wellin, who was born on Halloween, and directed the 1917 The Picture of Dorian Gray, the GHerman 1920 The Last of the Mohicans (which is the 2d half of this film but I alreadsy did the 90s version so I'll only do this), the 1922 Don Juan, and others I never saw

It starts Bela Lugosi from the 31 Dracula, Murders in the Rue Morgue, White Zombie, Island of Lost Souls, The Black Cat, The Return of Chandu, Mark of the Vampire, The Raven, the model for the daemon in Fantashia which rips off F W Murnau's Faust, The Wolf Man, Black Dragons, The Ghost of Frankenstein, The Body Snatcher, Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla and a bit of Plan 9 from Outer Space, and I know no other actors in this film

Its based on the book The Deerslayer by James Fenimore Cooper who did other ones that were made into movies and comics

I never saw this but may have seen the classics Illustrated comics in the 90s

So after a wall of text from The Boy Scouts Of America, before the scoutmasters sedced the boys, we get guys by a campfire and, oh its the boyscouts

they readtthe book The Deer Slayer and how he was raised by indians after his rens got it, and his best friend was the son of the cheif

its the duisatant future year (To Vlad The Impaler) of 1714 and in thew wilds of pre soviet new york and as its too long to read in a 1 hour, hes gonna tell it in his words

by a lake, the induians are camping and work with the frenchies in secret and are gonna drive ouit the english from a  fort

so they're thew bad guys? i mean can you be good if you team up with the maerquis de sade?

nerby, the deer slayer, who's natty bumpo in the other books, is gonna meet cheifs son whos gf was captured

he teams up with a rover called hurry harry and goers by the lake which is common terf foir indians to use and 1 guy named tom has 2 daughters and claims the land

and as harruyy wants to marry 1 of em , he agrees

the camp indians havecheiff jrs gf and she was caught by an indian in delaware

tthe kidnapper wants to marry the gf but she don't consent

the lake indians iced toms gf and took her daughters who they truicked intro thinking was their real dad, then burned his home, but deer slatyer helkped him make a castle in the lake

some indians come by ands deer slayer abnd harry escape in a boat but deer slayer don't want harry to j fk the indians from the water as its murder

harry thinks they are not human so its ok to kill em, like how the bad guys say about the Unborn

years ago, tom had a base made in da lake and now he plantrs traps and hopes to save his daughters

judy is a cheerful chick and i think b0nes a lot of guys and hetty is more simple

so judy finds the deer slayer abnd i think they fall in love and we see DS merting tom and they getta long

so the indians and frenchies are gonna attack and tom wants his kids sent to be safe and they go on a boat on the river to escape the indians

theres a brit base foert william thats the only sage place in the area and its lead by marilyn i mean william monroe

an indian tells em tom is sending his giorls to the base and we see the boat thing going by like its the Space Battleship Yasmato on its quuestyy

harry and tom wanna sneak into the lake indians cAMP  FOR RVENGE and they go off in a kuh noo

in the camp, wait, its near it, DS sez to tom to go back for his daughters but he dont listen

1 guy shanks an india guard but the guarrd spazzes out and screams and the camp goes nuts and catches tom and harry as tim sez to DS to look after his girls and getr back to the caste

after waiting for them to escape,, DS takes the ezxrtra kuh noo to the castkle, wait, i think from the castkle, i'm watching this on youtube and its zoomed in a bit and clips out a few words

this indian he calls mingo wants a canoue but DS sez no so the indian tries rto caop him and carjack his boats

but DS is too fast and caps him, but as he bites it, the indian sez DeerSlayer is a boy name and now he's Hawkeye like in M A S H

then thje french/indians attack the brit base cuz 1 guy was caught or something and its a smoke and muskets and cannon shots thing

i think the frenchies/indians won and DS tells the daughters the lake indians got their dad

he plans on saving him with his cheif jr and i think the brits leacve the brit base as they lost

general monrow is going to meet some guy allled warley on the way to the lake but the words say there;'s indian trecharey

as the brits go on, the indians attack and i think they b0ned em dead as it cut away

so DS, whjo imma call natty bumpo as thats his name, goes with the daughters to meet cheif jr and judy asks if natty has a gf but he loves nsature and the outdoors

so cheef jr comes by and natty sez he dont bad mouth chicjks as it might no be true,, or iot might be true and he might do harm

jusy goes off in a canoe and in the lake camp, we see a chick reading The Bible about being good to your enemies to em, whicxh would be "hate" nowadays as it makes it look like Our waysa are better than theirs

the lake campo guys cheef asks tom why he came to their campo and he sez their tribe iced the girls mom

the cheef has a guy called red fox, not the black comedian, take the girl back, wait, it was hetty wjjo went to the camp in da boat, not judy

1 chick has items including an elephant the indians think is a 2 tailed beast thats good luck

its got a 3rd tail if anatomically correct

wait, this is judy in the boat and 1 guy, i think natty thinks this can heklp em

redd foxx gets back hetty (da f kind of name is that?!) and natty sez deer slayer sends this item for exchange of the prisoners

hetty tells cheef jr that his gf has a meessage that in the high m,oon shew'd be near the White rock on the river bank

jusy asks why natty is going with cheef jre instead of being with chivks and he sez cheef jr is bis friend

nowadays they'd try to think deerslayer and Chingachgook are butt buddues as hge's not into this 1 chick he jest met and  likes helping his chuildhood friend

They say things like this about King David and Jonathan, Ed Elric and Roy Mustang, Rick Hunter and Roy Fokker, Huckleberry Fiunn and Jim, Jaden and Syrus in GX, Jack and Yusei in 5Ds, Yugi and Joey, Yugi and Kaiba, Yugi and The Other Yugi, and pretty much ANY time 2 people have the slightest thing in commoon

oh the chnick hetty read the Bible to was cheef jrs gf

so warley meets some brits i think ands sez the indians did their work well so now to get out b4tom anmd gis kids get iut

so the elwephant worked and the captivbes were freed and returned  anmd at whats clearly daytime with the light on the ake, cheef jr and natty go to save the gf

she jumps inb cheef jrs armsaND HE CARRYS HER IN A RUN, AS BELA LUGOSI IS BADA55 and natty fights em off but is caught letting cheef jr escape

so if natty don't bring back the gf, they'll scalp him but natty sez the kidnapperr is a liar and words dont work with em

tom gets a rifle and fires at guyts to j fk em but it dont work well and it hit a chick

the indiansd bring back the dead girl and thje cheef of ther lake camp hates Whitew men and sez its hypocritical they Call The LORD good but do evil

the cheef is gonna say he'd release natty but wont as its a trap, as that'll show the Whites you're the good guy; trewchery and deception!

so natty is released but has to send gf or return himself 3 houes b4 sun out

on the way back to the housweboat, they find the lake guys shoes in the water and its not been in lomg

i think the calls are comming from inside the house!

they czech the house boat and its full of indians and 1 guy is caught after saying its safe

the boat they traverl to the house boat pulls off and natty i think picks off 1 guy with his rifle like its the grassy gnoll and the caught guy falls in the water and swimS TO THE BOAT

tjhey ggo back to da boat house and finds a GUY SCALPED AND WAIT ITS tom and f u caps locvk! go suck an aids d0ng!

hes not dead yet and tells em hes not their dad and to check the chest and bites it

so they dunmp his body in the lake and judy reads a note in handwriting thats hard to read , esp in cr-ppy youtube vid quality

wiklipedia sez in the book her mom was an aristocrat and marrioed floating tom aftershe was b0ning a guy but broke up and needed to cover the pregnancy

natty is falling for judy and cheef jr sez be true to ur heart like its the GOOD version of Mulan from the 90s

so its 3 hours b4 sun down and netty is going back as hes an honest man but the people think hes a dumba55 for it

harry offers to marry judy and she sez no as she is promised to marry warley

so harry is going to the brit base for help and becasue natty took out a guy at the saving of gf, he has to marry the guys woman, cuz that'll be a good mnarriage, the killer of her last husband

also the lake cheef wants natty to become one fo them but he dont consent to race transition therapy and is glad to be White, which is hate nowawdays to the dinks

so he fights back and is tied trio a stake AND the indians dance around him

judy sends hetty to read to the lake camp cheef to stall until the soldiers come and they kiss on the mouth as i guess thejkyre european

so harry gets to the brit soldiers and tells em natty needs help and tom was iced and they start comming

judy puts on her moms bloodstained dress and fakes being her moms ghost and tells cheef ofd the bad guys to let natty go

hetty sez; judy, sister, how beautiful you are, as i ghuess she's a bimbo and it ruins the plan

then the soldiers come in fort revenge for fort william and its a breif battle like birth of a nation with smoke and running

its only on for a few seconds

after the struggle, the indians are taken out but hetty got iced by arrows and admiral hunter monroe sez he now knows the daughters were his kids and he regrets ditching their mom

hetty sez she secretly loved harry but never said anything and tells him to be more like natty bimpo and tells judy she seez their mom and bites it

so after the bodies are berried, judy asks natty if she ahtes her and he sez he loves her and would like top be her husband, but, she belongs to another and should keep her promice to marry him

what is this? Y's wehere Adol goes off and ditches the chick of this gamers adventure?

so she understands and goes off to marry warsly and in the boy scouts say The Deerslayer is a real Scout and they otta make a granite monument 

The End

That was pretty good

nice telling of the story

good twists and values

good honor aNSD DIGNITY

its like a story of knights and their ladies faire

its not a big mess of cgi and bad love scenes and pc sodomy

its a good romance with action and coolness and is only like 45 mins

For the last of the mohicans i mean The Deerslayer And Chingachgook 2 I want judy and Chingachgook''s kids to be 2 chicks who are homies and the french have taken over and they are fighting to free America from their lusty oppression. Also the french are spreading a plague by their lusts and plan to turn all the people infected with it by butt hammering them, and these 2 chicks fight against them with stealth and throwing knives. its also an 8 bit game on Sega Master System abnd Game Gear, NES and Game Boy, Atari 7800 abnd Lynx and TG1`6 where you play as 1 or both chicks and go through these buildings and take out frenchies who are high rank and infect others with their poison dna to devolutionize them

Tuesday, July 19, 2022

Overland Pacific Review

 Note; i spell atlantic

overland pacific

this is my review on Overland Pacific from 1954 (30 years beforew transformers season 01)

its directal my dward Small who duid the 3-s The Count of Monte Cristo/the 30s The Last of the Mohicans / propduced the 30s The Man in the Iron wait, these are ones he produced! Mask/

Its directed by Fred F. Sears who did The Giant Claw/Earth vs. the Flying Saucers/Teen-Age Crime Wave

it stars Jock Mahoney from Santa Fe/Joe Dakota/Bandolero!, William Bishop but not billy bishop the canadian sww1 flying ace, Chubby Johnson from the gayest p0rn0, jk from 7 Faces of Dr. Lao/The First Texan/Calamity Jane/Abilene Town, Walter Sande from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (But not the remake Mr. Smith Goes to Washington  and gets b0ned dead by a horse) Sergeant York/Apache/Bad Day at Black Rock, House Peters Jr. who was Mr Clean in the past, and was in The Day the Earth Stood Still/The Red Badge of Courage/Rebel Without a Cause/Black Patch/The Twilight Zone, Fred Graham from the 30s Mutiny on the Bounty/ the 30s Romeo and Juliet/Adventures of Don Juan/Tulsa/Samson and Delilah/the 50s Angels in the Outfield/the 50s wwar of the worlds/ the 50s 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea/ Rear Window/Seven Men From Now/The Giant Gila Monster/The Alamo and a buncha 1900s guuys i never heard of b4

its only 73 mins lonhg so on Grit they'll add almost an hour of adds

i never saw this b4 but its on and in wanna vreview something

wait, it gfoes from 8 to 9 30? thats good

so after title and credits its  after the civil war and theres a railroad comming but Whites fought other Wjhites over it

btw its in dull cvolor and proper fullscreen

a guy and some chick are in a cart and guy is prsacticing his telegrap[h and the chick dont like it

theres a smoking sherrif who stinks up the place with his death stench

so the cart stops and they see a guuy with an arrow in his back on a pole and main guy wants t him down

the cart drivers dont wanna as theres no room and main guy cuts down the whiskey for room for the body to takje back to town

whiskey killed more people that homophobia and raP MUSIC

so they go on and the body falls off and they continue on

so at town they find the body is gone and main ghuy fights the driver

after the fight he meets an olde friende frome the ware and his woman is the boss of the main guys daughter

so friend i think owned the whuiskey barrels and he sends the guys to go back and get em and the body

alos main guy is named grander like tyson in beyblade

an undertaker chats with main guy and then we getta salloon anbd main guy charts with i mean chats with freunbed and his woman

dad comes in and is p-ssed that his daughter is in a salloon and gambling house and friend sez hes willing to give up the salloon and gambling and be a farmer

dad thinks you cant sdtop gambling but as his kid likes him, he cant be all bad

aldso he meets main guy granger whos not afraid of commanchees

the workers are thinking of quitting and dad goes out to the salloon as the gf and friend and main guy were in the clean room

main guy is in da salloon and has a booze and chats with a 5kank, wait, she was on the cart with him

so the railroad camp guys are making the railroad instead of prancing around lkike a bunch of kansas city f=gg-ts

then the commanchee attack and elsewhere the main guy and friend and gf wait its dad not friend, wonder whats with all the sabotage and how its probably not all comanchee

they go to thge gunshots and the workers are thiunking of quitting as the comanchee have repeating rfiufles and they lost a few guys now

main guy tleeltgraphs a message and bf chats with a guy about the railroad is gonna cost him money and they might have to change paths

a  bodyguard of the other guy comes in and bf sez after the last raid the dad might make a detour

later bf tries to get dad tyo change the direction fo the railroad as he's laying track over a comanchee hunting fround

dad sez this is the best place as in spring the guilleys ovberflow and they'd have to replace the tracks

dad dont care about going to oaktown as he had to pop a cop who didnt; give him his props there

bf tries to pay dad to change his path but dad knows bf is into evil

bf sez he don't do the indians as they are independant but when dad accuses him of giving the comanchees rifles, the body guard i thiunk wastes dad

later gf and main guy chat about where dad is and how the hoytel is fuill of bodies and i guess it stinks from the decay and bloating of microbes in the tract expanding it and relasing foul gas in bursts

she ta;lks about how she fell for bf and then they see bf btringing in the dads bopdy

after a Priest rreads from The bbile for a service for him, wait, we're only half an hour in? i thought it was more

so the main guy, bf and gf go back to town and the guys getta drink

bf gives the sherrif a drink and the undertaker says the dad was iced by a White Man as commanchee dont used psitols

lots of guys wanted him out and to take over the railroad and the barkeep says to sherrif that the tleegrapher isnt a real terlegrapher

so then main guy granger goes to his room and the 5kank is there and tries to seduce him but he don't consent as he's over her from b0ning in the past

as he's got into her, she insults  him, but tells him to forget the gf anmd go to the herd but he sez the only thing in a herd is cows

well, some guys like fat or beefy women

so bf comes to the commanchee who are sick of him and his promises but he sez they are winning and is giving them new weapons to drive the Whiter Man from his home

but if Americans don't want gaijin coming to their area, THEY are the "bad" guys

also; the minortites being sent to attack on behalf of a rich elite coirrupt White guy to fight his fellow whites? kinda, yeah

main guy talks with gf about how the railroad is her dads legacy and the people on the trains comming will be cuz of him

gf rides out and meets bf and sez she wants to go someewhere and is gonna go alone but he tries to turn her from it

later main guy talks with sherruif and is revealed to be a railway agent

i got soul but i'm not a soldier, i got aids but i;'m not an agent

so sherruf says the rifles are sent in whiskey barrels and i guess it was bfd not dad who owned it

sherrif, played by chubby johnson, i assume the dad of magic johnson, shows whewre the commanchi get rifles and is gonna have a smoke but main guy dont wanna let him

then a smniper picks off main guy in the chest witha  blood squib pack to show blood

he's not dead as hes ther main guy and ytoughs out the guinshot like hes teddy rosevelt

sherrif fires on main guy and misses and sneaks around

sniper sez to give up and not dioe for the railway and main guy sees sherrif sneaking around

main guy throws his gun like 2 feet and surrennders and when the snioper comes to get it, main guy kicks him out and they fight

after busting in the guys head woith a rifle handle, sherruf coomes by and has main guy at gunpoint like a steven segal movie

he spits in the sherrufs eye and as he recoils, he choips his throadt and breaks his windpipe and kills him

jk really he reasons with him and says he can't live with the guilt and its  not coool to cap an unarmed man

yeah but you dont need a weapon to kill someone, in jauil peopel get beat dead all the time

in an age of technology, the deadliest weapon, is the human body

so sherrif offscrfeen brings main guy over to the salloon and gets a dr to treat his chest hole

imagine if he blew off his nips?

so gf and 5kank arer there and main guy tells them that bf iced gfs dad

bf came in and main guy puills a gun on him and sez he knows hes ppgave the indians guns but 5kank says that dont add up

main guy says how bf is doing this to somehow get money from the railroad and movcing it or something, i wasn't listening i dont know

they go to see the bf's whiskey barrels and as he checks em, gf sez shes not into bf

main guy finds only whiskey and beer or beerus and whis and he checks on sherrif and hes iced

i think he ate his gun, or maybe it was a hit like mary lin mon ro e and r fk

so gf later tells the people workingg on the railroad to do it for the future and live her dads dream

a new guy called perkins sez he was given command by the company and is going another way through oak town and is gonna rip out the tracks

so later in the salloon is bf saying he got a bonus and is gonna need to guive a kcikback and 1 guy comes in saying oaktown is getting a railroad

then says how bf is gonna call off the commanchees and 5kank hears and runs off and knows everything main guy said of him wa strue

he tries to make out with her and win her back but shes done with him even though she used to love him but knew deep inside he was filth

she pulls out a deringer and b,ows off his man thing in a spray of red and white and he screams as blood firehoses out of where his b0ner was

jk really she sez she s gonna turn him in and he caps her offscreen like the qween and diaaina

vf goes out and piano player goos in and sees 5kank biting it fromher bullet hole as shes not teddy rosebevlt and  tells him to tell main guy that perkins works fdor vf

and then, she died, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so main guy talks with bf and sez if he had daughters, he'd chauin em in the celler til they were 30

like in those african fat huts where they feed em to enbiggen them for marriage to tall skinny guys into 500lb women?

so bf goes to meet the indians with guys and says he wants more people with him to share the blame if caught

the indians let bf in and sez to the leader that the railroad is going off and the indians dont care and the hiill where his son is buried is issued or something and the indians go to kill the Whitres for their Race

they attack the railroad and theres a gunfight with smoke like in birth of a nation with the battle field covered toio look bigger

gf and main guy are there and she wants top stay with him and help em right ike calamity jane or jun hono from violence jack

the indians use fire arrrows like in zelda and main guy uses dino might toi go mad bull 34 on em

if this were done today it would make the americans look bad and show the indians and their horses blowing apart in splattery bursts of chef boy ar dee guts

bf fights the indian head and in the fight shanks the leader and gets off but is capped by an indian

so the White man drives off the indians and vbf isnt dead yet and fires on main guy and misses as he's got a Guardian angel

main guy follows but vf tries to j fk him but then comes out to face main guy

bvf fires but f'd up so main guy takes him out in 1 shot and sends him to h e double soviet california

so main guy goes off with the girl and they still have the indians who wanna stop the railroad and they never  resolved it

the end

that was pretty good

went by at a good rate, didnt drage and had some flow

good acting and effects and story

good characters and twists

itys well made and holds up

for Overland Pacific 2 I want it to be about the indians being driven off so they summon a cryptid like sasquatch but with scorpion claws and tail and it helps them fight the White Man, so the main guy has to use a new steam suit to fight it that's runs on holy Water for Steam so it can fight the daemonic cryptid. Its also a game like ESwat on Sega Genesis but is a 16 bit one for for Sega Genesis, SNES, TG16 Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as the main guy in a power suit and you got only a limit of holy Water to beat the scorpionsquatch and its 20 feet tall and so it your suit.

Friday, July 15, 2022

Game Reviews Volume 22 From 2022 Part III

This batch of games I did from the 2nd quarter of 2022, Most were beat but some I didf the best I could with what I had

Just beat Nightmare Circus on Sega Genesis. Its a sorta Beat Em Up Maze game where you play as this guy going to a haunted Circus to free Enslaved Souls from Eternal Torment. Good dark but colorful Graphics and the music is honestly great. The thing is: Its kinda unfinished and they just fixed the worst bugs and released it in Brazil. You NEED a 6 button pad With Mode to properly play this. A B X ands Y are attacks, tapping down makes you crouch, up is Jump, C is Guard, and Z is the Action button that lets you exorcise soul groups after beating as boss or grabbing things to hang from. Diagonally up/back plus A/X or I think A/B is a backhand, Mode and Up lets you heal by using Psi/Ki/Chi/Qi w/e. Ip with A/B (or AS/X I think) lets you climb ladders. Some parts are puzzles like riding a Roller Coaster and hitting switches to get through this cage, or going through a Funhouse where you turn by pressing Down in the middle of the room. Or pressing Up in the right Mirror in this Mirror Hall, Or backhanding the boards at the top of the Circus Tent to free the bosses., or using Mode and B(or Y?) to go into spirit mode and fight the gun zombies until the boss in the bumper cars level shows up. You get 1 life and no Continues but the game can be beat in under an hour if you know what to do. The game has potential and good style but as is, is kinda bad, but if you press Z A Down Down A Mods Z B A Z A A Right (zaddamzbazaar) on the Title Screen, you get a password thing that lets you scroll through letters to spell things. Put in TOTALCONTROL and you get an option in the menu for Tweaker you can turn on and use Mode and Start to access a Debug Mode that was hinted at on a promo for the Cancelled American Release. You can turn off enemy materialization but it might prevent guys you need from coming,  The Code INFINITEIPSI gives unlimited Ki and THELASTLAUGH lets you level select. With codes its decent and its got some worth. If finished it could've been great. Glad I did this.

Just played Spellcaster For Master System on my 200 Genesis and Master System Games Genesis Multicart. Its based on the Manga/Anime Kujaku-Oh/Peacock King/Spirit Warrior. You got a few Gameplay modes in here, A side scrolling Mega Man like thing where 1 button is jump and 1 is fire a Ki blast that you can charge by holding the button. You can't move while charging but can jump. Its said you can use spells by pressing Start but I couldn't get it to work. You have a Live meter that goes up as the game goes on and you get Energy to use spells that you collect from beating every 10 enemies. You get infinite tries that puts you back in the start of the area you were just in, or right on the boss if you bit it there. Theres also a password but its with capital and lower case as well as numbers and symbols, and is pretty long. There's also kind of a quest thing where you go to different indoor areas and use a Text Menu for things like Talking, Looking at things, Taking, Using Items and Magics, and going places. At times you gonna do things in the right order like look at a certain thing 2x then take it or go to a room, look around, go to another place, talk to a guy, then go back to the 1st place and look. Its best to do with a guide, but if you go in the wrong place, and bite it, you are revived there and if you can't get out of it except by choosing "Break" on the revival screen and it don't even save your password. The jumps take some getting used to as the way the platforms are drawn, its hard to tell where the edge is. The graphics are pretty good, almost late 80s Genesis level, and the music is pretty nice. If you get hit on the ground you fall back but if hit in the air you stay in place. Also you can't attack when ducking, crouch walk, or jump on stairs, but CAN jump off em. Its a pretty good game but if not for my controllers Start Buttons not working, I might have beat it. Oh and after you bite it, you return with full life and the same Energy so you can grind.

Just beat Guilty Gear Dust Strikers on DS. Its a 1-4 player 2D Fighting Game where you choose a guy and fight in story or Arcade mode, or there's Mini Games and a Multiplayer Mode. You can choose what buttons do what in the Options and change difficulty or how long the matches are or other things. I went through Story Mode and used Millia Rage and it was pretty good. Sometimes getting the right move to work took some trying but I found in most fights I could just Hold Up to Jump and hammer A to do a diving attack that creamed through the foes. If time goes up then whoever has the most Life is the winner and whoever has the most life during Gameplay has a Gold Crown, while anyone about to bite it has a Skull over them. You get unlimited Continues  and the only time I really had difficulty was the final boss. For that I had to fight this big abomination and dodge his attacks. I found getting behind him and using B while jumping up and down to dodge his hits. Enemies have life bars under em but its hard to see and at times I find I'm facing the wrong way. But its got pretty impressive Graphics and good rock like music. Its not long and can be beat in under half an hour and has some cool things to it. I'm glad I did this one. It holds up and isn't too much of an investment in time.

Just Beat Mega Man ZX on DS. Its sorta Metroid style where you can jump, dash, switch formes, go overdrive (Which I never really used) and have 2 attacks that you can choose what does what. Its a sequel to Mega Man Zero and shows how far Mega Man has come from 200X with a Blue Kid stopping Dr. Wily. Kinda like how Friday The 13th Devolved. Here you unlock more places to go as you get more abilities from beating bosses. You can play as a guy or girl and each has their own text that tells different sides of the story. You go around the areas in a weird map with different Areas names after Letters so its like Violence Jack. You gotta choose missions to do and some get you money to upgrade your weapons or items or beating a boss. I only got 2 Sub Tanks which hold extra health you collect when full and can use for a refill, but it only uses up the life you need, not the whole thing like in Mega Man X. There's also food to get that heals you an an E Tank to foully heal you, or a W Tank for Weapon Energy. You NEED Sub Tanks and the Life Bar Extenders as this game is tough, but it can be beat if you keep trying. The toughest part besides the final round is the Lava Level with 1 hit kill lava that geysers up and a wave chasing you. As you beat bosses, you get their powers and can get new abilities like free movement underwater or firing up. Each new forme you get also has touch screen powers like a map. It controls pretty well and has good music and animated cut scenes. You can change formes in the Pause Menu but not when attacking or being hit, so it might not save you. Same with Sub Tanks or E Tanks. Overall its a well made game with a lot of good things, but its pretty tough. You git lives and running out means you gotta do the Mission again from the last save, or Retry the Mission in the continue screen. Oh and turning on the game has 15 seconds of logos you can't skip, EVERY time you turn it on. I don't CARE who made it! I only wanna PLAY the Game! But this ones good.

Just beat Dragon Ball Z: Supersonic Warriors 2 on DS using Piccolo. Well, kinda. Its a Fighting game where you move in the air and battle like its DBZ/GT/AF. You have a Tutorial Mode that is pretty helpful where you do missions like Block with Ki or Attack 3x with heavy or Light. Also is a Story Mode where you go through a modified tale of DBZ for each character. There's Branching Paths that can be unlocked by doing certain Conditions like running outta time with more life or switching to the right character to win. R is charge Ki, L is Transform or Heal or w/e, B is Block, X is Heavy Attack and Y is Light, A is Ki blasts and the D Pad moves. You can use Stronger moves with X+A or Throw with X+Y. You get unlimited tries and only gotta beat each guy in 1 round, but if there's another path, you gotta do it different to get there. Its got the Surviving voices from the show in the mid 00s, but its in Japanese. You use Ki to do attacks and can charge to 200% while some moves use 50. The Branching Paths can be an alternate story like Cooler and Cell teaming up on New Namek or Broly being Hercule's friend. No Garlic Jr or GT but its got some good ideas in it. You can view the Credits in the menu and playing Story Mode unlocks more abilities for the characters but as I cleared all Piccolo's levels, got a Congrats screen, and returned to the title, I'd say that counts as beaten. Otherwise there's no real end to the game and you'd be playing until everything's unlocked or you get tired of it. Its pretty good and has nice music and graphics and plays pretty well. Oh and you can use the Touch Screen to swap characters or use ultimate attacks.

Just beat ToeJam & Earl in Panic on Funkotron. Its knd of a Platform game where you play as 1 or both of these Homeboys From Outer Space and catch all the Humans invading Funkotron. 1 button uses Funk to warp, 1 throws Jars and 1 jumps, but you can choose which does which in the options. You can pause with Start to have access to use Funkscan to see hidden things, A Panic Button to be invincible and move fast spraying Jars, and a Funk Vac to catch all Humans on the screen. You also have coins to spend on Parking Meters to activate things, and there's Super Jars that catch anything in 1 hit. You got an Arrow that says where to go and there's homies to talk to who give hints on where to get the 10 hidden items of LaMont The Funkopotamus and get the good ending. It controls well but could be a bit tighter in jumps. There's underwater levels that have you swim with the D Pad and Jump and you get more air by sucking it out of Round Purple Fish. You get an extra guy up to 6 every 10 000 Points and its pretty frequent. There's the HyperFunk Zone which is fun where you go through a dimension and get bonus's while pressing a button to shrink to avoid doors and barriers and collect clocks for extra time, lightning bolts for speed and presents. Its got nice color and music and I think I like it more than the 1st. Here you can stop the enemies instead of just running from em and it looks nicer. Good voices for a Genesis game too. Nothing against the 1st game, its great, but this feels and plays more familiar, like a Sonic game or something. Its even got a Password System that doesn't use I or B or O or have Upper and Lower case versions of the same letter. Plus it scrolls fast so you don't gotta slog  through it like Road Rash. It even saves your score and items. This is a pretty solid game, and yeah, its different from the 1st, but its pretty enjoyable. Glad I finally did this one. Its pretty mondo cool homie, wiggle wiggle barf a licious.

Just beat The Berenstain Bears Camping Adventure on Genesis. Its a Platformer based on the books where you play as Brother or Sister or both and  have 3 difficulties that have more or less levels and they change based on if its 1 or 2 players. 1 button jumps, 1 grabs  an item like a rock or butterfly net, and 1 uses it and you can shuffle em around in options. You get a few lives and no continues but there is a Level Select Code by putting the music or sound or w/e to 13, then doing A/B/C/Up/Start on the other. It controls well  but in the air if you tap left or right, you jutt in that direction . Its not too hard and there's 5 worlds you go into on the hub by pressing Start on it. The ONLY weapon is a rock that's thrown in an Arc so its not always useful, but its as bad as it sounds. The AVGN said its good and he's right. Falling in puts isn't a life. Also you get pretty good height from jumping on enemies and some levels have you going through a maze of tree holes to get to the Exit. Plus some enemies are kinda weird as you appear to fight a fungus that turns into a rolling sphere, and a monkey, even though I Thought This Was America! Over all it looks good, plays well and has nice music. Its a decent game worth a try and can be beat in under an hour and there's bonus levels where you can get more points and points items and sometimes extra guys. You also get a pretty big life bare and continue right where you bite it, even on bosses. Oh and on the easiest difficulty you don't fight bosses.

Just beat Phantasy Star Gaiden for Game Gear on my 100 Master System and Game Gear Games GBA Multicart. Its a pretty good 8 Bit Rpg which is a Side Story to Phantasy Star 1 taking place between 1 and 2. 1 button is Yes and the other is No and you have menus in and out of battle. You save in the Church and can buy Spells  from a shop with a Hexagram on it. You gotta grind quite a bit in here and should be around level 7 before really going out of the area around the 1st Town. There's also a forest maze that is better to use a guide to get through. You can also sell Spells if you don't need em and armor and weapons have a Min Level to use. It took me 8 and a half hours to get through, with a guide, as my Multicart don't save anymore. I played from 8 Am to 5 30 and had my DS plugged in. Its a pretty good game and isn't too hard unless you go in under leveled or equipped. You can run and I skipped a bunch of random battles, which happen quite a lot and can happen almost every step at times. Its got nice Graphics with good colors and art and has a good music and sound system. I'm glad I did this and its a pretty solid lite JRPG. Also If a character bites it, just go to a Church and that gets him to 1 HP for free, then go home and talk to mom, or pay money for a Motel to do it. I never had the whole Party get it as if my guys were doing bad, I used an Item or ran.

Just beat Phantasy Star Adventure for Game Gear on my 100 Game Gear and Master System Games GBA Multicart. Its a Text Adventure with still images and menu options, kinda like Shadowgate on NES but simpler and you seem to get infinite tries and a Password System. It can be beat in like an hour if you know what to do and it has some good twists and story. Yeah its not as deep or meaningful as the 16 bit versions, but its a Game Gear Game and that sucked 6 AA Batteries in like an hour. For battles you choose what item, to use and then roll dice for damage with no attacks missing. Some items end battles in 1 hit. Its got good graphics and colors and the music is nice. Sometimes you gotta look for stuff to take or talk to get stuff and you can use items on things. There seems to always be a way to get outta things if you screw up and its pretty forgiving. I liked this one and its a nice Side Story in the Phantasy Star Story, Sorta like the Robotech Cyber Pirates or Mech Angel Comics. Its a nice use of an hour if you wanna beat a game quick. Glad I did this one.

Just beat Time Soldiers for Master System on my 200 Sega Genesis and Master System Games Genesis Multicart. Its a top down Run and Gun game with up to 2 players. In the arcades it had a rotating Joystick like Midnight Resistance but here you just walk in the direction you wanna fire and fire. 1 button fires the peashooter and the other uses special weapons that you find after busting certain guys. The Big Cannon is the best as it fires a big red shot, the smaller cannon is a spread shot that fires 3 regular blasts, and the missile is the worst as it can be cancelled out by enemy fire. They all have limited ammo  but carry over between levels. You get 3 guys and 1 Continue but somehow can get another, I think by going further into the game. In each level you are told what era to find the boss and time warp to an area. After beating a mini boss, that can't see you if you are at the very top of the screen, a Time Machine comes in and you can take it to try another era, Ort go past it to continue on the time zine to go further. There are 5 bosses you gotta get through to get to the game boss and in these fights you usually gotta get it in the face. But if you go to the top Corner you can't be touched and can take cover until you get a good shot at him. There's also a Speed Up Power you can get that can let you run faster than the screen scrolls and a Power thing that does something I couldn't figure out, but replaced the Energy Bar of your special weapon and runs out on its own. Pretty good graphics and nice colors and the bosses are pretty huge taking up much of the screen. The music isn't bad and it controls well, but it helps to spazz out a little on the D pad to spray your fire as you run. I thought about quitting this game, but My Gf got me to stick it through and I won. You bite it in 1 hit and get extra guys by beating main bosses. It can be beat in like half an hour if you know what to do and the Super Shots can take out bosses in a few hits. Glad I did this. Its pretty good and it by ADF who did World Heroes and was released by SNK. Oh and sometimes there's a Green Square you find by busting the right guy  that takes you right to the boos you look for, but its rare.

Just beat Hook on my 218 Sega Genesis Games in 1 Multicart. Its a side scrolling game based on Peter Pan GT from the 90s where you play as Peter and go through like 11 levels. B is jump and A is attack, but holding A lets you move faster and using B in air lets you turn on and off flight. You gotta collect fairy dust to fly and it burns off so you gotta get more. Also you can swim by holding B and there's no air meter, but there is a timer that never ran out for me. You get extra lives pretty often in here with 3UPs in many of them if you look around and they return if you bite it so you could farm them til you have enough. But you don't really need to as by the end of the game, I had like 10 extra guys. The levels ain't long and some even have checkpoints and the bosses usually bite it in 3 hits. Pan moves kinda slow but has pretty good airtime in jumps and can run and jump for more length. Also you can fly on a fairy and get full fairy dust. Holding A lets you fly faster too. I find at times I jump and it doesn't register my turn so I face the wrong way. You get 2 hits and 1 more and you bite it, but you can collect leaves to get up to 4 hits before the next one ends you. I never ran outta guys so I'm not sure if there's continues, but I don't think most need em. Its got nice graphics and looks how you'd think the 16 bit Hook characters would look, but the music is really good! Its like the movie music but 16 bit and holds up quite well. I liked this one and it can be beat in like an hour and its pretty well made. Sony did this and they did stuff like Shadow of the Beast and Bram Stokers Dracula, but this is better. Glad I did this one. Its pretty good and has nice 16 bit cutscenes.

Just beat Turbo Outrun on my 218 Sega Genesis Games in 1 Multicart. Its a 3rd person racing game where you go through 4 rounds of going from point A to point B. A is Brake, B is Gas, C is Turbo and Down on the D Pad changes gears, but you can change it in the options. But you can have gears on Auto. You gotta get to the checkpoint b4 time is up and there's signs that warn of tight curves. There's also weather like rain that covers the view and if you bump other cars or signs it can make you spin out and stop, then gotta build up speed again. You can use the Turbo to do a Batmobile boost but it can overheat and you gotta wait to cool off to use it again. I used a code to have infinite time by putting in on controller 2 on the title screen: A C B A B C B C B A C A, Or Anderson Cooper, Babs, Canadian Broadcasting Corporation Baka, and it makes the game unloseable, but more relaxing. Its got decent music and graphics and controls pretty well, but often I often used the boost and ran into the side of the road and slammed out. It can be beat in like 15 mins and you get upgrades every 4 levels but can't choose the same 2x. I'm not big on driving games but this isn't too bad if you use the Immortality code. Glad I did this one, Its more outrun and works decent.

Just beat Tiny Toon Adventures: ACME All-Stars on my 218 Sega Genesis Games In 1 Multicart. Its by Konami and is based on Looney Tunes GX from the 90s and is by Konami when they were worth playing. It has you play a variety of games: Soccer, Basketball, Wack A Mole, Obstacle Course Race, and Bowling. A is kick in soccer and action in basketball and B lets you change your controlled player, C lets you use your Super Power that's different for each character like a speed boost or dropping anvils on foes. The Super Power has a Meter that recharges. In the Obstacle Course I think uses B rapidly to run and for Bowling you use left/right to choose Power level and up/down to position yourself, then you have a moving live that shows where the ball goes. You can move it around with the D Pad though. Its got nice graphics and music and controls pretty well but often the character I wanted to switch to wasn't done. Also the AI was kinda low at times. There's a 4 character password where you use Character pictures of the Tiny Toons guys and in options you can change the controls, the time of each game and difficulty and I hear this game can be up to 4 players. The credits are done like the cartoon and the music is good, with 1 track sounding like the Ninja Turtles Theme. I don't usually do Sports games, but this one was pretty good. Its got nice colors and animation and looks as well as feels like the cartoon. Glad I did this one. Oh and you can play any of the games as their own thing or have a Story Mode.

Just beat Spider-Man 2: The Sinister Six on Gameboy Color, its not great, You have infinite Continues to slog through 6 levels with like 2 acts and a boss, You have an Easy Normal and Hard move and I went on Easy and its still pretty off, A is jump and  Ain air is web swing, B is punch and Select shows the password that's like 6 characters, and Start pauses but lets you control music or w/e. You can fire web shots but I never figured out how to do it. If you get close to a wall, you cling to it and can't get off unless you press jump when holding the D Pad right. also if you press left or right to move around, you often zig zag back and forth without going anywhere. There's things on the walls that damage you and you can't stop and often enemies hit you before you can get em. If you crawl on the ground and kick, then it takes care of most guys, but the ponytail man bun gun guards(cuz its New York) often duck and dodge your shots and nail you before you do anything. Also you can't simply duck by holding down after getting off the ceiling and going into a crouch like a REAL game, but instead you gotta jump down, land, then press down again when standing, then you can duck, and even then its now always good. Its got nice music and good Colors and graphics, but the control is pretty bad! At times Spider Man just stood there spazzing out and the control didn't respond. I don't know if its his Spider Sense or my GameCube Pad or the Game Boy Player or the game being bad. Its got really good 8 bit art but sometimes the colored text on the black background was hard to read. Glad I played this but I never wanna play it again. Oh and if you bite it on a boss or level, you restart but things done in it, like unlocking doors, stay done, enemies and items return, but not unless you bite it, and biting it on a boss, even using a Continue, lets you return where you were with both you and the boss being at full life.

Tuesday, July 12, 2022

The Wild Geese Review

 Note: I spell better than Geese Howard

The Wild Geese

This is my reviiew on The Wild Geese from the distant future year of 1978 (20 years befotre australia got f'd in the Global Civil War in Robotech)

Its directum by Andrew V. McLaglen who did McLintock!/Chisum/Cahill U.S. Marshal

It stars Richard Burton from The Robe/Zulu/The Night of the Iguana/The Spy Who Came in from the Cold/Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?/The Taming of the Shrew/Exorcist II: The Heretic/Equus/Nineteen Eighty-Four, Richard Harris from Harry Potter 1 and 2, the 2002 The Count of Monte Cristo/Smilla's Sense of Snow/Unforgiven/The Bible: In The Beginning, Roger Moore who I never saw iin anything so he's non canon, Hardy Kruger from The Moon Is Blue, Tyson I mean Stewart Granger from Sodom and Gomorrah,  Violenvce Jack Watson from Captain Horatio Hornblower, Jason I mean Kenneth Griffith from Four Weddings and a Funeral, Jeff Corey from Fist of the North Star the 80s movie/Conan the Destroyer/Beneath the Planet of the Apes/Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid/In Cold Blood/Miracle on 34th Street/Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man, Winston Ntshona from Blood Diamond/Gandhi, John Kani from The Ghost and the Darkness/Black Panther, David Ladd from Shane, Patrick Allen from Dial M for Murder, Brook Williams from First Men in the Moon, Percy Herbert from One Million Years B.C., Patrick Holt from Ivanhoe/Genghis Khan, and some britlords i never saW of

I never saw this b4 but its based on a novel by Daniel Carney that I never read

so it starts with a black screen and crediots with a yellow video screen of africa, then title and a song

associTE producer; chris chrisafis? what is this? p0rn0?

so this devioolved lookiong plane landsand buirton is met by a gov guy who got hgim un undocumented to africa, then he goews to this building and meets tom and ed

we finds he had a 1st class ticket and 2000 blbs to get him here and hews staying sober, amnd his last ,ission f'd out when someone got wacked 2 years ago

theres an africa dictator that is said to have bit it but is probably still around and burton is sent to catch him and waste him

wait, according to wikipediua, he hasd to save him from being wacked

freaking gay a55 brits taslking like c-ck suckers, cant understand sh-t theyy say

so burton sends tom wayland to find 2 guys for the mission and burton goes to a 70s party with benny hill chix, wait, its not burton, and this guy is p-ssed he was tricked into arrying drugs

the guy he worked fopr was gonna have his goon biust him, so he pulls a gun on em as hes not a real bit and iis manly

hes roger moore and forces these drug pushers to eat the drugs they sold and blows a hole in the goods head, then forces the pusher to eat his own poison and leaves him to die

latewr this blomnde guy e hero neos kluger is with his son i think and is planning on going skiing in switzerland

this kid is like tiny tim b4 scrooge b0ned him crippled

so burton goes to meet kluger and sez it was 09 years and they have a drink as bluger is trying to find inner peace

and his woman ditched him and lives elsewhere and he gets the kid

burtomns b--ch bought it 2 years back and burton sez the leader is alive buit kluger dont care

buirton sez kluger fights for the good guysd but burton does for whoevber pays more and needs kluder to plan it, and he can let him have his vacatuion with his kid

burton shows kluger a map and gets him on board and at dinner learns moore p-ssed off thew local godfather and if he shows up, hes going to h e double soviet california

moore can do any plane and burton needs him so he and kluger go out to a casino and kluger talks like a 70s black guy and they ask whewre moore is

she sez theres a hidden area in the toilet and burton goes up there and moore points a gun at him when he opens da doorte

kluger comes in and thewres guys after em and the godfather there meets a guy in a car who owns newspapers as threjunkie pusher is his nephew

the main guys punsh throufh the dfoor and drop a grenade and it blows but the contracts lifted and they book it

the casino chick was f'd up and moore tells guys to hospital her

so they plan on what to do and they plan on dropping into africa omn a plane and getting out in 3 hours, and getting an african guy to aid em

they plan on going to the base and gassing it to send the people to h e doublew africa and as the country leader said the caught leader is dead, he can't say anything

also its gonna move up the mission myb 21 days

threy bill the gov for thjouysands of pounds and the gov guy, i think ed, is shocked how expensive these guys is

kluger is bummed hes gonna miss hids holoday and burton comgorts him

the burton needs a sergeant major to get his men in shape and meets a retired guy aND


a plumber offers to join the mission and a blackl guy needs money and joins and we go 1 by 1 with each recruit guy

so kluger, who may not be kluger but imma call him that, meets his son to say he hasd work and cAN'T BE  there for xmas, and son has to stay with the headmaster

the son cant take iut and jumps off an overpass and splatters when his by a trick, as the dad screrams NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO like in pet semetary

jk really he toughs it out

so then the sergernt maJKOR  majokko tickle tells off the brits "welcome to h-ll" anmd has em run around like a buncha j-rkoffs

lol 1 guy fell and segrengtr major sez "move it b4 i sew up ur a55 hole"

but then he canm't be b0ned english style; in the anus!

klugar sees how theres guards and no covedr for 100 yards, so they gottsa use a crossbow with poison

i guiy dont liker blackl africans but also dont liker killing em, but is reassured that its tob save the caught leader

oh the african White is the real kluger and has moral issues with this

immA CAll him kluger and 1st guy i called cluger is dad

then they trsainm guys to jump from a few feet as to jump from a jet

then more trainming like guuys holdiong a log and 1 guy climbs it

so they are then told that thewy gotta do trhe mission on Xmas and a relative of the target had a vision of him resrurrecting and it spread, so the leader is nervousd and wants him shipped out

burton sez to major sergerant he can stay behind and s m seZ to stick the money up his a55 and he wamnts to go on da mission

the gay guy writes a letter to a proct9logist as i guiess he needed some items pulled out

dad tells burton to look after his son if he bites it and burton agrees but sez the dad wont bite it

well, guess thats the end of him

so they get on the aeroplaine and take off to soviet africa and  jump out to partachute

they claim it to be night, but its pretty bright, i guess its ciz africa is on the other side of the planet so the sun is different

they waLK AROUND THE AFRICA AND AN OSTRICH comesd by, not ovedrdrivce ostrich from mega man x2

they get to the base and the guards are sleeping mostly so he gets a crossbow and j fks the guard in the neck

then takes out another but he falls and wakes 1 up, so he takes him out too

they cut the barb wire and grab it with bare hands and run over in wjhats clearly f--kinmg daylight

1 guard notices a dead guard so the guys shank him and the troops sneak inand gas em with poison like cockroaches

the good guys come in the hq and get the keys and hostage em but when they move the goofd guys shred em woth gunfire

the guard for the target fires on him but is capped and target is ok

klugar is looking AFTER target an 2 guys lift him out and they book iot in tricks i mea trucks

at another base, moore uses a silencer toi take out 2 guards and the forces sneak in thwe base

they throw a grenadfe and blow em to h-ll and take out anortyer guy in the cointrol area and 1 guy surrebnders

the dictator isd told wait i think its the head ofdd the good guys and tells someone to do the plan

so at the air base they tell the plaINE TO GET EM AND it lands but a message is told to leave them and it does

looks likle the rteal bad guys are england, just ask leslie howard, mary queen of scotts, and daiana

burton sez ed is the guy behind it and they suspect he didn't wanna pay

daD wants to ise the tatget to trigger an ipriosing to start a vivil war, but burton sez no

so they decide to escape to another place in the south

so they drive on and get to da bridge and dont got the pow or time to blow it like in kwai

1 truuck f's out on da bridge with a car behind it and a jet fighter comes by and attacks likre in level 1 of contra 3

like in conytrsa, the jet drops a napalm on em and buerens em back to h e doublw soviet england

1 guy tells the others to m,eet em elsewhere and burton puts his men to sleep with a firearm to the brains to keep the africas from getting em

it don;t show it but would be cool to see their heads blowing apart and chunks flying

so they go on and target talks with real kluger about how kluger wants his own land and freedom

they gon on over which side used who to get ahead and how the Europeans made the country good and are now being exiled from what they made

also target sez they optta learn to coexist and work toigether and forgive eavch other

better than safrica kicking out all the indians and sending the economy in the toilet

so the good guys make it to a village of straw hutrs and1 guy hears something and fires and a friends tells him off

its an irish priest andhehates the good guys as i guess the irish are evil like both irish presidents who claimed to be Catholic but did unholy things

1 guy is alone in the shrubs and hears something and fires on it

he runs outta ammo and goes down fighting african soldiers witrh a bowie knife as hes chopped up

so eventually its only target, burton and dad left, wait theres more, and they fire on the african liopn soldierts

kluger runs through the africasnms, carruing the target, and firing on em, in 1 go, but gets hit and tells target to suirvive

real kluger bites it and targetgruips the body in thanbks but more good guys arrive and they go on

later target sez he knmows burton wants his people to riuse up but burton sez hev wantsd the country to ber free

priest sees target is alive and gets the tribal leaders and prioesat sez ifg they start a civil war it'll f it up

oh and the dictator has a copper mine deal anf thats why edwards made the deal to let the target get it


SO THEY GO TO DFA PLAINE AND beat out the woreker to take it as the africand are nearing

1 african comers for em but gets hid throat cuit by the brittisgh black guy

burton sez to be ready when they come and priest goeas off on a donkey

the jet guys get weapons ready and 1 guy throws a grednade and the africans swarmn em

they use placed strategicaly soldiers to waste em but they lost guys too

they start the jet and the good guys usev  a cmachine gun like rambo in rambo 4 to shredthe bad guys

the target took a hit and has a blood stain and is loaded in the plaine

the good guys use a baZOOKA like in ciolence jack or the manga with mondo saotome and the sergeant major gets ivced as he runs

they start taking off and cant stop ort its f;d so the machine gun guys run after da plaINRE

THE DAD IS RUNNING BUT IS SHOT And cant catch up,so he has burton waste him

the pilot is shot through the leg and burton sez the africans would have chopped him into small pieces if he hadn't iced him

now they're going to rhodesia and they might not hAAVE THE fuel

so they gotta dump all extra weight or they;'ll never make it to cybertron

to land they need proof the target is on board and burton sez the proof that ne was at a meetying andf when it happened

the jet runs outta gas and waity, its an engine trhat f'd out

the target bites it and the whole mission was for nothing

they get permission to land as burton told em the factys of the targets thing

later edwards is in his place and burton confronts him and said he can trip burgler alarms and edwards is amazing to have got out ofg africa

edwards had hits put on burton and burton wants his pay and pay for the men he lost and their fams

edwards gives him thousand sollar bills for 500 000 $ and will pay him the rest and lift the hits if he gets to live

burton had a speech for him but he dont wanna as edwards begging for his life when he took out so many guys is degrading

so burton sends edwards to invid h-ll AND sneaks outwith rogert moore as driver

then burton, a wanted man, goes too look after the kid who's dad bit it

then a song like in a don bluth movie as we get still of the actors and their namers and chgaracters

the end

That was quite good

it had heart and style and good action with nice twists

the effecrts were good and its well acted

the brits being betrayed was right outta WW2 with leslie jhhoward being left to be killed or alan turing being driven to suicide after saving them from the Germans

you feel for the guyty who bit it asa he didn';t originally wanna go on it and now hes dead

but if it weren't for him, the rest would be dead

its a well made fil;m abvout tough guys doing what they had to

Nowadays they'd be the bad guys and the guy they freed would be the imprrisoned dictator who was behind it by having his goons pay for the mercenbaries, and the africans would be fighting to keep him in

For The Wild Geese 2 I want the kid to have grown up to be a Ninja Mercenary and go on missions agaiunst england for Japan using his knowledge of brittish protoculture to the advantage, also he fiinds the queen has sent hitmen on somewone who has dirt on the queen and an American who supports Freedom wants to save the target, but when the Ninja gets there; the target is a grade scghooler who was bummed by the queens relative and the queen sent her hitmet to end her, and now the ninja has to use ninja magic and skills to get the kid to the news conference to out the queen! ALSO ITS  an 8 bit gam,e like Ninja Gaiden on sega master sysatem and game gear, nes and game boy,m tg16, atario 7800 and lynx where you play as the boy now a teen and go through levels to get past the queens goons and her bio mutants her secret expweriments devolved her victiums into as bosses