Tuesday, July 12, 2022

The Wild Geese Review

 Note: I spell better than Geese Howard

The Wild Geese

This is my reviiew on The Wild Geese from the distant future year of 1978 (20 years befotre australia got f'd in the Global Civil War in Robotech)

Its directum by Andrew V. McLaglen who did McLintock!/Chisum/Cahill U.S. Marshal

It stars Richard Burton from The Robe/Zulu/The Night of the Iguana/The Spy Who Came in from the Cold/Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?/The Taming of the Shrew/Exorcist II: The Heretic/Equus/Nineteen Eighty-Four, Richard Harris from Harry Potter 1 and 2, the 2002 The Count of Monte Cristo/Smilla's Sense of Snow/Unforgiven/The Bible: In The Beginning, Roger Moore who I never saw iin anything so he's non canon, Hardy Kruger from The Moon Is Blue, Tyson I mean Stewart Granger from Sodom and Gomorrah,  Violenvce Jack Watson from Captain Horatio Hornblower, Jason I mean Kenneth Griffith from Four Weddings and a Funeral, Jeff Corey from Fist of the North Star the 80s movie/Conan the Destroyer/Beneath the Planet of the Apes/Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid/In Cold Blood/Miracle on 34th Street/Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man, Winston Ntshona from Blood Diamond/Gandhi, John Kani from The Ghost and the Darkness/Black Panther, David Ladd from Shane, Patrick Allen from Dial M for Murder, Brook Williams from First Men in the Moon, Percy Herbert from One Million Years B.C., Patrick Holt from Ivanhoe/Genghis Khan, and some britlords i never saW of

I never saw this b4 but its based on a novel by Daniel Carney that I never read

so it starts with a black screen and crediots with a yellow video screen of africa, then title and a song

associTE producer; chris chrisafis? what is this? p0rn0?

so this devioolved lookiong plane landsand buirton is met by a gov guy who got hgim un undocumented to africa, then he goews to this building and meets tom and ed

we finds he had a 1st class ticket and 2000 blbs to get him here and hews staying sober, amnd his last ,ission f'd out when someone got wacked 2 years ago

theres an africa dictator that is said to have bit it but is probably still around and burton is sent to catch him and waste him

wait, according to wikipediua, he hasd to save him from being wacked

freaking gay a55 brits taslking like c-ck suckers, cant understand sh-t theyy say

so burton sends tom wayland to find 2 guys for the mission and burton goes to a 70s party with benny hill chix, wait, its not burton, and this guy is p-ssed he was tricked into arrying drugs

the guy he worked fopr was gonna have his goon biust him, so he pulls a gun on em as hes not a real bit and iis manly

hes roger moore and forces these drug pushers to eat the drugs they sold and blows a hole in the goods head, then forces the pusher to eat his own poison and leaves him to die

latewr this blomnde guy e hero neos kluger is with his son i think and is planning on going skiing in switzerland

this kid is like tiny tim b4 scrooge b0ned him crippled

so burton goes to meet kluger and sez it was 09 years and they have a drink as bluger is trying to find inner peace

and his woman ditched him and lives elsewhere and he gets the kid

burtomns b--ch bought it 2 years back and burton sez the leader is alive buit kluger dont care

buirton sez kluger fights for the good guysd but burton does for whoevber pays more and needs kluder to plan it, and he can let him have his vacatuion with his kid

burton shows kluger a map and gets him on board and at dinner learns moore p-ssed off thew local godfather and if he shows up, hes going to h e double soviet california

moore can do any plane and burton needs him so he and kluger go out to a casino and kluger talks like a 70s black guy and they ask whewre moore is

she sez theres a hidden area in the toilet and burton goes up there and moore points a gun at him when he opens da doorte

kluger comes in and thewres guys after em and the godfather there meets a guy in a car who owns newspapers as threjunkie pusher is his nephew

the main guys punsh throufh the dfoor and drop a grenade and it blows but the contracts lifted and they book it

the casino chick was f'd up and moore tells guys to hospital her

so they plan on what to do and they plan on dropping into africa omn a plane and getting out in 3 hours, and getting an african guy to aid em

they plan on going to the base and gassing it to send the people to h e doublew africa and as the country leader said the caught leader is dead, he can't say anything

also its gonna move up the mission myb 21 days

threy bill the gov for thjouysands of pounds and the gov guy, i think ed, is shocked how expensive these guys is

kluger is bummed hes gonna miss hids holoday and burton comgorts him

the burton needs a sergeant major to get his men in shape and meets a retired guy aND


a plumber offers to join the mission and a blackl guy needs money and joins and we go 1 by 1 with each recruit guy

so kluger, who may not be kluger but imma call him that, meets his son to say he hasd work and cAN'T BE  there for xmas, and son has to stay with the headmaster

the son cant take iut and jumps off an overpass and splatters when his by a trick, as the dad screrams NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO like in pet semetary

jk really he toughs it out

so then the sergernt maJKOR  majokko tickle tells off the brits "welcome to h-ll" anmd has em run around like a buncha j-rkoffs

lol 1 guy fell and segrengtr major sez "move it b4 i sew up ur a55 hole"

but then he canm't be b0ned english style; in the anus!

klugar sees how theres guards and no covedr for 100 yards, so they gottsa use a crossbow with poison

i guiy dont liker blackl africans but also dont liker killing em, but is reassured that its tob save the caught leader

oh the african White is the real kluger and has moral issues with this

immA CAll him kluger and 1st guy i called cluger is dad

then they trsainm guys to jump from a few feet as to jump from a jet

then more trainming like guuys holdiong a log and 1 guy climbs it

so they are then told that thewy gotta do trhe mission on Xmas and a relative of the target had a vision of him resrurrecting and it spread, so the leader is nervousd and wants him shipped out

burton sez to major sergerant he can stay behind and s m seZ to stick the money up his a55 and he wamnts to go on da mission

the gay guy writes a letter to a proct9logist as i guiess he needed some items pulled out

dad tells burton to look after his son if he bites it and burton agrees but sez the dad wont bite it

well, guess thats the end of him

so they get on the aeroplaine and take off to soviet africa and  jump out to partachute

they claim it to be night, but its pretty bright, i guess its ciz africa is on the other side of the planet so the sun is different

they waLK AROUND THE AFRICA AND AN OSTRICH comesd by, not ovedrdrivce ostrich from mega man x2

they get to the base and the guards are sleeping mostly so he gets a crossbow and j fks the guard in the neck

then takes out another but he falls and wakes 1 up, so he takes him out too

they cut the barb wire and grab it with bare hands and run over in wjhats clearly f--kinmg daylight

1 guard notices a dead guard so the guys shank him and the troops sneak inand gas em with poison like cockroaches

the good guys come in the hq and get the keys and hostage em but when they move the goofd guys shred em woth gunfire

the guard for the target fires on him but is capped and target is ok

klugar is looking AFTER target an 2 guys lift him out and they book iot in tricks i mea trucks

at another base, moore uses a silencer toi take out 2 guards and the forces sneak in thwe base

they throw a grenadfe and blow em to h-ll and take out anortyer guy in the cointrol area and 1 guy surrebnders

the dictator isd told wait i think its the head ofdd the good guys and tells someone to do the plan

so at the air base they tell the plaINE TO GET EM AND it lands but a message is told to leave them and it does

looks likle the rteal bad guys are england, just ask leslie howard, mary queen of scotts, and daiana

burton sez ed is the guy behind it and they suspect he didn't wanna pay

daD wants to ise the tatget to trigger an ipriosing to start a vivil war, but burton sez no

so they decide to escape to another place in the south

so they drive on and get to da bridge and dont got the pow or time to blow it like in kwai

1 truuck f's out on da bridge with a car behind it and a jet fighter comes by and attacks likre in level 1 of contra 3

like in conytrsa, the jet drops a napalm on em and buerens em back to h e doublw soviet england

1 guy tells the others to m,eet em elsewhere and burton puts his men to sleep with a firearm to the brains to keep the africas from getting em

it don;t show it but would be cool to see their heads blowing apart and chunks flying

so they go on and target talks with real kluger about how kluger wants his own land and freedom

they gon on over which side used who to get ahead and how the Europeans made the country good and are now being exiled from what they made

also target sez they optta learn to coexist and work toigether and forgive eavch other

better than safrica kicking out all the indians and sending the economy in the toilet

so the good guys make it to a village of straw hutrs and1 guy hears something and fires and a friends tells him off

its an irish priest andhehates the good guys as i guess the irish are evil like both irish presidents who claimed to be Catholic but did unholy things

1 guy is alone in the shrubs and hears something and fires on it

he runs outta ammo and goes down fighting african soldiers witrh a bowie knife as hes chopped up

so eventually its only target, burton and dad left, wait theres more, and they fire on the african liopn soldierts

kluger runs through the africasnms, carruing the target, and firing on em, in 1 go, but gets hit and tells target to suirvive

real kluger bites it and targetgruips the body in thanbks but more good guys arrive and they go on

later target sez he knmows burton wants his people to riuse up but burton sez hev wantsd the country to ber free

priest sees target is alive and gets the tribal leaders and prioesat sez ifg they start a civil war it'll f it up

oh and the dictator has a copper mine deal anf thats why edwards made the deal to let the target get it


SO THEY GO TO DFA PLAINE AND beat out the woreker to take it as the africand are nearing

1 african comers for em but gets hid throat cuit by the brittisgh black guy

burton sez to be ready when they come and priest goeas off on a donkey

the jet guys get weapons ready and 1 guy throws a grednade and the africans swarmn em

they use placed strategicaly soldiers to waste em but they lost guys too

they start the jet and the good guys usev  a cmachine gun like rambo in rambo 4 to shredthe bad guys

the target took a hit and has a blood stain and is loaded in the plaine

the good guys use a baZOOKA like in ciolence jack or the manga with mondo saotome and the sergeant major gets ivced as he runs

they start taking off and cant stop ort its f;d so the machine gun guys run after da plaINRE

THE DAD IS RUNNING BUT IS SHOT And cant catch up,so he has burton waste him

the pilot is shot through the leg and burton sez the africans would have chopped him into small pieces if he hadn't iced him

now they're going to rhodesia and they might not hAAVE THE fuel

so they gotta dump all extra weight or they;'ll never make it to cybertron

to land they need proof the target is on board and burton sez the proof that ne was at a meetying andf when it happened

the jet runs outta gas and waity, its an engine trhat f'd out

the target bites it and the whole mission was for nothing

they get permission to land as burton told em the factys of the targets thing

later edwards is in his place and burton confronts him and said he can trip burgler alarms and edwards is amazing to have got out ofg africa

edwards had hits put on burton and burton wants his pay and pay for the men he lost and their fams

edwards gives him thousand sollar bills for 500 000 $ and will pay him the rest and lift the hits if he gets to live

burton had a speech for him but he dont wanna as edwards begging for his life when he took out so many guys is degrading

so burton sends edwards to invid h-ll AND sneaks outwith rogert moore as driver

then burton, a wanted man, goes too look after the kid who's dad bit it

then a song like in a don bluth movie as we get still of the actors and their namers and chgaracters

the end

That was quite good

it had heart and style and good action with nice twists

the effecrts were good and its well acted

the brits being betrayed was right outta WW2 with leslie jhhoward being left to be killed or alan turing being driven to suicide after saving them from the Germans

you feel for the guyty who bit it asa he didn';t originally wanna go on it and now hes dead

but if it weren't for him, the rest would be dead

its a well made fil;m abvout tough guys doing what they had to

Nowadays they'd be the bad guys and the guy they freed would be the imprrisoned dictator who was behind it by having his goons pay for the mercenbaries, and the africans would be fighting to keep him in

For The Wild Geese 2 I want the kid to have grown up to be a Ninja Mercenary and go on missions agaiunst england for Japan using his knowledge of brittish protoculture to the advantage, also he fiinds the queen has sent hitmen on somewone who has dirt on the queen and an American who supports Freedom wants to save the target, but when the Ninja gets there; the target is a grade scghooler who was bummed by the queens relative and the queen sent her hitmet to end her, and now the ninja has to use ninja magic and skills to get the kid to the news conference to out the queen! ALSO ITS  an 8 bit gam,e like Ninja Gaiden on sega master sysatem and game gear, nes and game boy,m tg16, atario 7800 and lynx where you play as the boy now a teen and go through levels to get past the queens goons and her bio mutants her secret expweriments devolved her victiums into as bosses

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