Friday, December 30, 2022

The Big Country Review

 Note: I spell bigly

The Big Country

This is Ore Samma No Review of The Big Country from the distant furture year (To George Armstrong Custer) of 1958 (40 years efore the global civil war in Robotech)

Its based on a  serialized magazine novel Ambush at Blanco Canyon by Donald Hamilton whichg makes me think of Hokuto No Ken being Serialized in Shonen Jump

Its directed by William Wyler who did da 30z Wuthering Heights/The Best Years of Our Lives/mrs miniver/the 50sd Ben Hur

it stars Gregory Peck from The Yearling/Duel in the Sun/Captain Horatio Hornblower/David and Bathsheba/The Snows of Kilimanjaro/Roman Holiday/Moby Dick/Cape Fear/How the West Was Won/To Kill a Mockingbird/The Omen/The Boys from Brazil/ the 90s Cape Fear, Jean Simmons from Kiss I mean Black Narcissus/Hamlet/The Robe/Spartacus(gayyyyyyyy)/Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within/the 80s Inherit the Wind, Carroll Baker from Giant/theb Greatest Story Ever Told(Which fits AS SHE'S jEwish and its a Bible Story9Aolso she turned Catholic))Kindergarten Cop, Charlton Heston from Julius Caesar/Dark City/The Ten Commandments\Touch of Evil\Ben Hur/The Greatest Story Ever Told/Planet of the Apes/Beneath the Planet of the Apes/The Omega Man\\Soylent Green\Waynes World 2/disneys hercules/Armageddon// tim burtons Planet of the Apes/Bowling for Columbine(commie propaganda), the evil Burl Ives from Little House on the Prairie/Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer/East of Eden(AKA Cain and Abel GX)/Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Charles Bickford from Dy na mite/Od mice and Men/Duel In the Sun/the 50s A Star Is Born, Chuck Connors from The Rifleman/Old Yeller/Airplane II: The Sequel, Chuck Hayward from Teh Searchers/The Alamo/Spartacus/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/Night of the Lepus/bLazing Saddles/The Swarm(Oh F! That was so bad itrs great)/the animated 70s The Lord of the Rings, Dorothy Adams from Samson And Delilah/The Ten Commandments/The Twilight Zone from da 60s, Chuck Roberson from Blackbeard The Pirate/Calamity Jane/Hondo/The Searchers/candya55 s[partacuz b0ning tony cuttris dead/The Alamo/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/How the West Was Won/Shock Corridor/McLintock!/Big Jake/Chisum/The Green Berets, and some guts i never saw and/ortr aint on wikipedia

ore samma never saw thisa b4 but its like 4 hours with adds on grit; television with bavckbone

huh; Eisenhower liked this

so aftewr logos we get credits to super widescreen of a wagon going across da wwasteland

eventuyalkly he gets to a f==k town in the middle of a55 aids nowhere  and seems confised, like an biden; the Cjeif Head Irish Man President, or CHIMP

then heston comes in as a cowboy and advises not to wear his clue board ame hat as a cowboy might sjhoot it off

at this house hew meets this blonde who smooxches him asnd wants tio marry him but heston sez to come with him as da ennesy boys are in town and dribnkiong

they ignoire him and blonde saez her room mate is the school teacher but it turens out shes gone

wait shes here andhas dark hair like a poryugal

peck is a ships captain as his fam owns a shipping thing and guys say hiss green suit looks offf

btw this is colored like a 50s movie but pretty well colored and not too faded

so latewr peck and blomnde go out for a drive and in this wasteland with a few dead trees that somehow grew on the desert, this buncha malcontents is drunk and 1 nearly nifes a guys foot while he sleeps

they go out and blonde drives past the hennesy guys who block the road and jump outta the way, then get on their motorcybcles i meamn 1800s motorcycvles called horses and chase em

this is like a car chase and the biker gang does stuints on the horsze to taunt peck

1 jumps on pecks horses sand falls and 1 jumps on em with 1 leg per horse and stops em

they play fake nice and act p[olite but blonde dont trust em

1 throws pecks hat and caps it and when blonde puls a rifle, peck takes it but it roped by 2 guys as the biker gangtraps his blonde and torments him

the bikers think hes a candya55 and leave and blonde sez sorry and asks why he took her gun

peck sez they didnt mean any harm and don't want em iced but she sez she'd cap em

she seems like a bada55 chick like in a go nagai manga

so preck goes to see the teacher, wait its one of the bikers and he scares her by her not noticing him and has a thing for her

bikers name is buck and he sez how he toyed with candya55 peck andtrys coming onto but goes and sez to choose a side, him or peck

latwer peck is walking aroundf his farm and we see the land and its all dirt and no placts, so we dont know how this town lasts as theres nothing to grow or mine

so peck walks around townb and meets a mexico and a few mexicos who speak mexicanerse, but pek understands, but cant sdpeak it

that dont add up

if you know it, why ccant ypou use it?

so peke goes to ride qa horse but everyones looking at him and he dont as he thinks somethings up

turns out a guy called da major like moptoko kusanagi in ghost in the shell, sez the workers have a ruynning gag to get the new guy onb ol thunder, the wyld stalllion

so major is blondes dad and wants prek to marry her and inherit his cattle ranch, even though there sno grass and they got nothing to eat

major sez precks dad got iced and gave peck his guns and tells him to man up and stand up for himself and not take sh-t from no one

peck sez he was keel hauled in the sea and hazed in school, which hes ok with and nowadya ehy'd make him look traumatized and a victim of oppression

peck sez the bikers were drunk and no harm but dad sez they were cavemen from the stone age and sjhould be wiped out like sodom and homorrah or in a flood

creationism and ervolution? what is this?! go nagai?!~

blonde comes down and has breakfast and peck dont wanna b00ne her in front of dad and dad goes

heston sez how pecke didnt ride ol thunder and blonde sez "everyone does it, its what we do" and peck sez "maybe sometome else"

heston sez hges hunting hennesseys and perck sez to tell dad that the biokers didnt go srs until she pulled a gun

we're 40 mins in with adds

this is going at a good pacer and doesnt drag or feel long

UNlike titanic!

so peck wants heston and dad to not beat up the bikers and everyone there is ok with it as theres no cops around and they gotta do it themzelves

uts like in harry potter how hermoime is agianst the slavery of the elves and no on esides with her

i realized tyhat heston played moses and ben hur and peck played mengele and both are kinda rivals here

oy vey!

so blonde goes out for a ride as shes a stong indep[endant woman but its not all gay like they force it today, and she sits under a tree

so the posse gets to town and wants to know wehere the hennesdys are and thsi female sez they aint hewre and the posse rides around loudly and fires off shots to scare off the towns horses

also they shoot the towns water tower and make leaks and female sez someones gonna stand up to major

is this a thing on the uunion attacking the dsouth in the alleged civil war?

so pecke looks on at ol thinder, 1 10 100 1000 manjyome thunder! and gets the mexico to help himsaddle up ol thhddr

the horse ol thnder keeps taking ofdf plankets mexico puts on him and peck puts the saddle on right after the blanket

the peck wants mexico to keep quiet about him on thundercats and gets on it but it wont go

then it jumps and he flies off and peck triues again but orse spazzes out and throews him

so he keeps trying and then we see the posse coming to the f==k town and buck running from being in this chicks place he was b0ning

the posse catches some of the hennesys and heston slaps 1 arouynd to say whewres buck

they rope em up and walk em away from the woemna dn children to probably skinn them and forece feed them their own skin

they are all tieds togetehr with their legs out, like a human spider, but not a human centiuprede

then as the heneneyss are being deboned we get more peck on da horse

the horse gopes in da barn then out,m then they cut to the smae scene but wskipping a few mins and the horse runs by

good trick to not have to do it in 1 take

so then he masters the horse and back on the f-=-k town, the henenesyzs are being either beat or b0ned in da barn and buck watches from a safe zone and comes out after the posse leaves

later its night and major dad tells peck he had to do it as the henneeyss wont leisten to reason

teacher comes in and dad sez he kkeeps offering her money but she turns it down

peck goes to see blonde in a dress that hot for the 40s but covered up today and he sez he poked around da farm all day

major dad introduces pooeck and he dances with bkllonde then dad dancer with her and she worries he might move away and she dont wanna be from dad and preck

then scuzzy the snowman burl ives comes in looking devolved and has a ghun liek all normal americans and its revealed hes a hennesy

scuzzy sez hes here as even though 3 of his boys were beat by 20 of majors, and wants to buy land to cut off his cows from water, but is really mad as major busting on to his land and scaring his people and aniamsl and weomen

so he gievs majoy a gunand dares him, then turns an d shows his back ashe leaves and major dont try anything

heston checks the gun and its loaded and later its hneeysey f==k town and buck chuk sees scuzzy

scuzzy is mad at the boys for hassling majoyrs homie and buck sez he was with the tracher and making out as they cant have b0ning in the 50s

scuzzy dont buy it but when he does he is glad and thinks he can use it to stop majpr

so beck goers out and mexico tells the dad and blonde and they wanna find where he went and foollow

wait its only dad major and hestion makes out witrh blonde but she didnt consent and fights him off and he goes and she crys

so the pecker goes to this house by a green place with living trees and this possible womangets a gun and sneaks around

as pack looks aroudn this rottred place, she aims at him and tes to put hius hands up but recognizes him andhe's fallen through the floor

peck reveals he didnt get lost as he had a map and copmpass like in zelda and she reveals hr grandpa had partires in that slum house and i think its teacher

they hang out and back at the home, the heston better known as moses from the 10 commandments of the apes  where they eat [people, hasnt found him and bl;onde is p-ssed

at teachers farm they talk and he reveals he was on ol thundsdr and that theres people taking bets on if scuzzy or major will wack the other

peck sez on da sea 2 sides bet on if they could save a guy but the sharkes got him and they figured more was saved than lost

she tells o how commanches put people in the gound upm to their necks in rted ant hills anfd the music covers her words but you can still read her lips and peck blacks out and she uses well water to revive him

he blacked out from a story of bugs eating people alive? he is a candya55!

i joke about naecro filia and inbreeding and cannibalism and poop

so he and teacher ride out and see a water thing and she sez da land from her fams from the king of spain

theres a river that both heneneus and majors farms need and if she sells then its war over it

peck wants to get into ranchinmmg and she ses u need 100 miles of fencing as its a big country

thhey keep saying it

i wanna take his face... off!~

who am i? i'm spider man!

i introduce, robocop!

man, this has been 1 real cannibal holocost!

so peck wants to buy it and convinces her to do it with sayign he wonbt sell to the majoyrs lfasm

so later the heston posse is out and peck comes by and is dressed like a 1920s homie and they say they were looking for him,

he sez he was shopping for a weeding preseent and peck plays it cool

once at camp, twice i think, we layed hide and seek and we were told to not go more thn 10 steps in da woods

so i didnt care and want4eder to a stream and put rocks in it, they were searching but didnt like it

peck gets back and heston sez he was lost and peck denies it and peck offers a fight

pecksez they are gambling for the blonde and heston sez peck isnt good enuff for blonde

peck sez they are playing by pecks rules and not with guns or fists and heston leaves

i guess it was a b0ning contest

aka mma

so oeck asks blonde if she cares where he went and she b--ches about others thinking hes a cadndya55 and he sez he dont care what some c-ck sucking butt f--=kers think and she gets p-ssed

he sez hes moving into town and she sez its good as they need a break, well he sez the break line but the feeling is mutual

we're half way through, 2 hours with the adds

felt like not that long

later the preck sees the heston at nigth andthey DON'tT play the brokeback mountain theme

he sez hes leaving at sun up and peck sez him saying goodbye to heston would need more room than this shack

again; would be different with the brokeback mojntain theme

so they go out and its clearly day but tinted to look dark and they go out to the field andpeck sez to kep this quiet

so eventually they fight and in 1 shot pecks on his knees and in the next cut, hes standing

so moses fights mengele and and pecks shirt had blood on it

heston stands up and his ki starts risuijg andf the ground starts blowing awaY FORM IT, THEY HE STARTS GLOWING AND AWAKENS HIS TRUE POWER AND phazes to peck and grabs him by the head, he liffts him up as peck spazzes out and heston crushes his head in with a grip

jk really they beat on each other and in a non brokeback way, heston sez "u talke a long toime to say goodbye" and peck sez "im finished if you are" andthey end it and peck sez "ewhat did we prtove??"

so then its real day and heston and his posse gop out as heston sez its majors orders to chase thirsty cattle from water to stop hennesy

1 dont feel right of it but heston sez "just follow orders" like with candya55 trudeau or the sovciets in the ussr

the buck of chuck sees the heston homies riding in and firing in the air and the cattle scastter

buck tells heston off and heston sez to tell scuzzy his cattle had theuir last water form there

so scuzzy the snowman looking kinda devolved is p-0sses they didnt fight the 20 guys who outnumbered em and that the cows wont last 2 days in this dry spell

scuzzy wants his boys to get the majors men from the river and wants to get the tracher for his plan as buck is gay for her

teacher comes by the makor farm andwants to see peck but hes gone and she sees blond

blonde is smoking from faegs she got in the east andis friends with teacher

she sez pewcks not the man she remembers as he backed down from heston who called him a liar and didnt go on ol thunder and let the duke boys i mean hennesy bnoys hasle him

teacher sez peck was on ol thunder and blonde dont know sh-t

they ask mexicoo and he sez peck didnt but teacher sez "wehy'ds he ask you to lie" and he sez "cuz he didnt want anyone to know

so he realizes it and reveals da trooth and teacvher sez peck dont want people to think hes a show off

blonde is bummed and thinks peck is a decievber and might not want him but teavher sez peck bought her rtanch for her as a weeding preesent

so teavher rides back and imagine if sdhe was the teacher from the anime prison school?

llater peck stops by teacvhers place and sezhe dont wanna keep da farm aand teacher tris to talk him outta ditching blonde and not to end it over 1 misunderstanding

peck sez its more than that and she admits she dont know much on love and peck wants to have da farm again

later the blonde future wie who was into a guy played by a greg and in a love trianggle wioth a pro America actor played guy, tpotally not da room, comes by to retuirn his dads guns

she tries tyo win him back and sez she was worried of him when he was out and everyone but her knew he rid ol thinder

he sez he had to prove it to himself and not to his woman and she sez she dont understand

she hugs him saying she loves him andknowes of her weeding preeseentee but peck sez her bouyght it to give bnoth sides fair watyer and she b--ches out and spazes around insulting him

i have experience with women and can confirm they can flip at the drop of a hat

so then the teavcyer was caught by the jill hennessey hang and scuzzy the snowman sez hes doing this to get major over and ice him as she let major run her cows off i mean his cows off from water and 24 bit it

shge sez she never aproved andhes doing this against his teaching abut he needs to

also he wants her to marry back dooor buck and her responce reveals bucky barnes was lying

so scuzzy wwants her to sell the ranch to him and she signs it but scuzzy thinks somethings up as teavher didnt sell her ranbch b4

she sez she already sold it to peck and they think hes blondes future husbannd but she sez its not real

buckk rogers offers her whiskey and scxuzzy sez what happens tomorrrow is on her

she goes to a room andif this were a disney movie she'ds sing here

at night scuzzy readys rope he wanted to use on majotr and WHEN sghes sleeping, bucko comes in


he gets on her and smooches woc with out consent as sgheresists, but scuzzyt comes in and kicks his candy a55

so bucik snaps anmd goes rifleman on him and jams the gun in his mouuth and blowes his head off!

jk realy he stranghles him but pulkls off and scuzzy sez someday he's gonna haveta kill him

imagine if as punishment for b0ning w/o consent, he started b0ning his sdon as he screamerd and his butt gave out and he died?

so majoy and his groods go tosave tyeacher but hestoin sez its an ambush but major dont care

they should have more men but they idnt come and majoty wants to go in

peck wants to go in to solve this w/o violence but major sdez he'd cap peck if he goes in

peck sez loud in front of ewverryone that majo=r edont are about teacher but to taKE OUT HENNESSEYS

MAJOR MINOR LETSHESTON AND mexico go in and heston thinbks hennessey will wacvk em

peck goes in these white stone walls, probably made witrh silt flowing from noahs floor, and theres snipers from the hennesseyys readyt tyo j f k him like harambe

so peck makles to to the shed and meets scuZzy the snowmAN AND sez hes here to bring her home

peck sez he owns the ranch and will let scvuzzys cows have his water

scuzzy has the buck hole search him and finds furling pistols from his dad and the sdeed

scuzzy wantsrevwenge for something mAJOR did aND PECK SEZ SCUZZY AND MAKOR ARE THE SAME AND onlytt fighting a fued that is sucking others in

teacher sez shes visiting for a few days and didnt tell anyone andwhen the peck tells her people will bite it if she dobntr come,she actys like she dopnt care

she is clerarly lying andpeck wants to bring her back but scuzzy sez peck is trying to stop a fight thats not his

tyeacvher wants pewck to go but when buck slaps her, peck goes ss2 and fighhts buck

bucxk is gonna cap peck but scuizzy fires near him and sez "dont fire on unarmed men"

buck wants to give pecxxk a gun and pexck consents and thery haVE A DUIERL WITH PISTOLS DES[ITE BUCK WANTING TO USE HIS QUOCK DSRAWQ

good f can you dier already caps lock? you are not wanted!~ so get f'd derad by amn aics bag

hestondont wanna go in cuz they might not need to and this gee haad will cost em half their men

majoyrthinks es yellow and will go w/o him but none of his men cosent

he rises inwithout any of them

imagine if he saidf hed cap any who dont wanna go and 1 guy sez "u cant kill all of us" and he sez" i can trey" AND STREDS EM WITH A GATLING GUN

P-SS Off caps lock! die and go to h-ll

so hrston rifdesup and follows majopyr ANDHIS MEN FOLLOW major to h e double soviet france

peck faces da buckand scuzzy has clreaned the guns from 10 years of not being used, like ba rocks d0ng

he sez to taske paces, ready and fire and if any fires b4 the signal, he caps em

rthewy do so but right b4 fire, buck fires and nicks pecks head

b4 scuzzy finisheds him, buck queers out and hides amndv peck shoots the ground

scuzzy spits on h8m ands bck bonners grabs a guys gun to sneak attac k like f--kin starscream

so scuzzy gets him in where his womb wouyld eif men could have those

eventually he goes to h-ll and scizzy sez "i told u! i told u i'd do iot!

dont worry, hes out col.d, but he's gonna nbe ok, he just needs some rest, the gbllet missed his organs, i see his parachutes

so scuzzy hiugs his evil son andpxck and teavjher rides off

so makor isanago and his droogs ride in and the snip[ers cut the rope with a big black acxe and the way out is blocked by a spuiked log like in a zelda game

then the sniperds start rarambeing the men and moses takes a bullet

hes ok though as hes a bada55 and scuzzy rides up tothe peck and sez peck was right and this is between him and makor

they come in and scozzmo sez cease fire and calls ouyt major for one last death battle like in transformers the movie with opritmus prime and megatron

major comes up and scuzzy gets his ridle and they go to fight

scuzzmo has hi jeans up to his rip[s oiver his beer guy like hes my gf or something

they get in range and cap each otehr and when the guys come in, they see em lying together frtom a good overhead shot

so they ride back and overlook the big country and its got some green andteacher and ben hur looim at each other as hes the omega man and we see texct sayiong the title over the vast wasteland

the end

that was quite good

its an epic and totally doesnt feel like 4 hours with adds

its got ghood acting and action and not much violence but good feel and setting

its often slow but doesnt drag and takes in the esxpance

good story of characters growing and changing as it goes on and peck being a subtle bada55 whoisn';t always mowing down 80 people in 80s mins like commando

ore samma could telll peck and the non blonde would get togweether

it holds up although ore samma dont know what year this is

its pretty deep and has good camera work and style but i wonbder how this would be as a 20s film like bwith the 20s ben hur

For The Big Country 02 I want it to be about the blonde being tough and rising to mastyer the new role as head of the farm andgradually falling in love with heston who wins her over with being an allpha male who's cool and bada555 and good with as gun. Also its a 32/64 biit dating sim gamme on ps1, Sega sATURN n645 AND pANASONIC 3do whhere you play as the blonde and dec8de between whgich of the several guys into you to marry. Also are mini games of her taking showers and training with a rifle and managing the farm

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Warpath Review

 Note: I spell path e tech


This is my review on Warpath from the distant future year to JEB Stewart of 1951 80 years before Transformers battlestars the return of convoy

its directal by Byron Haskin who did The First Texan/From the Earth to the Moon

it stars Edmond O'Brien from the 30s The Hunchback of Notre Dame/White Heat\Julius Caesar/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/Birdman of Alcatraz, Dean Jagger from The North Star/Dark City/the Robe/White Christmas/Bad Day At Black Rock/X the Unknown/the Twlight Zone, Forrest Tucker from Teh Yearling/Chisum, Harry Carey Jr from Red River/Gentlemen Prefer Blondes/The Searchers/Billy the Kid Versus Dracula/Big Jake/The Shadow Riders/Gremlins 01/Mask/The Whales of August/Back to the Future, Part III/Little House on the Prairie, thgew evil Polly Bergen from Desperate Housewives (ew!)/Touched by an Angel/The Sopranos/Cry-Baby/the 1st Cape Fear, James Millican from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington/His Girl Friday, Wallace Ford frmo Freaks/Blood on the Sun/Harvey/Destry/The First Texan/A Patch of Blue (That one was wonderful, i cried at itr), Paul Fix from Night of the Lepus/The Bad Seed/Giant/Hondo/Red River/Angel and the Badman/the 30s The Count of Monte Cristo/the 30s Scarface/the 60s star trek and twilight zone, Louis Jean Heydt from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington/Gone With The Wind/The Hunchback of Notre Dame/the 560s A Star Is Born, Chief Yowlachie from The 20-s The Scarelet Letter/Red River, Walter Sande from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington/Dark City/Apache/Bad Day At Black Rock, Robert Bray from Ride Clear of Diablo, Monte Blue from The Birth Of A Nation/Mary of Scotland/Casablanca/Life with Father/Key Largo/Apache, John Hart fropm, Ther Ten Commandments/Happy Days/ Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol/Atlantis, the Lost Continent, Ethan Laidlaw from the 230s The Hunchback Of Notre Dame/The Big House/King Kong/the 30s The Last of the Mohicans/Jesse James\To Kill a Mockingbird\The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance\The Ten Commandments\Calamity Jane\Samson and Delilah\The Body Snatcher, and some 1900s guys i never saw in anuytrhing

i never saw this b4 but i think it was good maybe

so after titrle and cretids tio a flaming arrow in a tent in color and proper fillscreen, we get a title card saying its detreicated to the 7th calvery

in this cowboy town this guy fiughts a nothe tguy out and the other guy dont got a gun

he sees a man whos been fpollowing him for 8 years and the follower sez the guy iced someone and they gunfights

the other guy gets it and the follower aks  his victim whre someine is

the victiom sez he ljoined then calvdery and bites it and follower, who imma call hunter after rick hunter from robotech and not that irishman who likes small assians

so after a train ride, hnter interferers with a unionite aboutto beat a chick weho just threwe ther 1st slap asnd he beats em up outside

so this chick offers him a sandwich and they go on this trtaina nd he sez hes gonna join the 7th calavbry and will be a private who just beat up a few sertagnts

so chick comes on da ttrain and meets a geezer she knows and itsxx mentioned that these guys are custers officers

hunter comes to the army guys ands sez he wants to sign up and they dont like him for kicking their candya66es and bring him along so they can probably b0ne him in his sleep

he goes to the fort abe lincon and enlists and sez how he was in service before

he goes into a crack regiment and its mostly for drills in peace time and in da barracks sand the head soldier in the rank rags on the iishman who he makes do toilet duty

irhish was in the coufederacy and switched sides in 64

so head guuy sends main guy to clean out the horse sh-0t in the stalls and theres 72 of em

imagine if adam sandley did this and he was being sh-t on and it shows all the horses sh-tting at once??

he takes a shovel and jams it in a hordses a55 to shot the sh-t i mean stop the sh-t, and puts in it handle 1st, or blade 21st, whichervers funnier

jk really he asks where this guy hes looking for is and describes him but the guy sez theres many who fit that descripting and might have gone under another name

he sez hes hunting the guys who iced someone he liked

also the head of the group is behjind a box and heiring him

the next day he goes to the store and has 6$ of credit for beign a private and meets the chick there

she shoes him to da geezer whos her dad and the shop keep like in shining soul 1 and 2 on gba

so later tis night and they have a dancer and main guy dances with chick

wait its the head of the rank called seragent o hara like gone with the wind

main guiy, irisjh and this robert de nero meets jamie farr looking c-ck sucker wanna dance with ehr and she sez she can tdo em all and dancees with main guy

she talks with him about him being in the service b4 and dad tells o hara not to be with his girl

then the men are sent to the barracks and the dance is over

turns out they found gold in the back hills and the indians wanna keep the White man from going there even though they dont want it or uise it

also its revealed main guy fought o hara at the start and the guys wonder why hes not all beat up

main guy sez tro o hara trhat he wants it to be even and he beat him up and o hara made him eat poop

o hara wants to report him hmissing in the next mission implying hes gonna ice him

for what? beating him in a fihgt? is he kaiba who tried to have yugi wacked for beating him in a card agme?

then in dartime but tinted to look darkerthey ride out and find a burned settlement where settlers were

12 guy wants al the indiands ended and their indian guiide is afraid of thioser indians as they are froma nother ninja klan

so they ride on and the idnians attacka nd theres a gunfight on horses like a card game on mototcyucbes

after some mortal kombat with cklose range weapons and fists the indians run off like cobra in g i joe

wow we're 45 mins in with adds

so the indians attack again and its in a riverand the amercians j fk em as they ride in, then hand to hand the ones who make it across

the americans lost the horses and they are pinned but they need a guy to go out and get help

they send main guy to go out as he was 4 years in the service in the alleged civil war and o hara and main guy go out in the river in daylight tinted to look dark

they split up and soon mainguy is in a gunfight with a guy he cant see in the woods

he goes on and finds a dead indian and a horse andrides it back to da fort

so he tells em they need help andcunter comes in and recognizes him as the guy who helped beat j e b stewart

hes surpized main guy is a private now and recalls some issue he had

also he wants to teach the indians a lesson and seems like charles bronson

they go out and the indians watching  fromm nearby go riding off

so the troops save the soldiers and when they get back, main guy confrtonts o hara over trying to kill him and ohara sez it weas indians shooting at him

he thinks o hara is hiding something and dont say it but suspectys hes one of the guys hes after but oi hara denies this

also as a guy was wounded or iced or w/e, then main guy is made a sergeant as custer likes him and he tells off o hara and sends him out of the 1st seratrhent room

o hara tells dad that main guy is onto em and dad sez it cant be and theyres no way andhe suspects o hara of hinting him

o hara sez main guy o hara triued to cap main guy and dad sez to run as if he's onto em, then them being together is a risk and cuz of his daughter, he cant leave

the guy who was wounded sez he learned from custer and a newspaper article what happened wioth mainn guy and masin guy dont wanna talk abbout it like lisa in the room

main guy goos too da bar and barkeep wants him toget drunk

some uniuonites are drunk and loud talking and sh-tting on main guy being given a propmotion and he sees main guy and attacks

a sherrif comes in and they al blAMNE main guy for breaking a miorro that was alrready broken and mauin guy is arrested

in jail he meets a guy who knews the 1st vcictim and thought it was thre law that did him

main guy sez he icxed him and main guy gets the info from him that o hara might be da name of 1 guy who was friends with the vctrim and they sdplit after da bank jobv

he pays the $2.50 to get out and looks for o hara but he skipped town

so he looks around and chick is in the shop and he goes to see dad whos having dinner and grills him on o hara

he sez o hara took money and dad sez o hara sed main gguy was against him

main guy sez o hara iced someone and asks if he knew the names of the killer he sez and dad sez no

main guy sez he knows dad will see o hara again and hes keeping on him and leaves

dad tells chick main guy is a malcointent looking for people he dint know and thinks o hara is 1 and might even accuse dad

main guy sez to wounder upper gjy that o hara is a killer and he knew it and wounder guy sez main guy joined undr false pretenses and this is not 4 da army

main guy sez hes gonna icxe o hara 4 icing someone he likedand  wounded head sez hes sending him on a mission as the army comes 1st and they gotta guard a wagkn trauin

so then iuts day and they didnt tiint it and1 guy on the wagon is kelso like from that 70s show and doont synbbchro with main guy

after a long scene of them going across the prariew,  dad and daughter come by in a wagon and join em

daD sold da store but told his chick he was leasing itm, but comes clean

also the soldfiers like dad as he dont like main guiy

later dad tells chick not to be with main guy but she dont believe him and goes to chat

she asks if dad is also 1  hes after andhe sez yes annd she sez hes wasting time on vengeance and askjs why

main guy sezhis futture wife was iced in a bank robbery that she walked in on and was crippoled b4 biting it months later

hes devoted his life to vengeance and its all he has left

she offers him love and hopes to heal his heart and he sez hes letter her dad live cuz of it

i think the dad will get it and niot uz of main guy as thwey cant have that

he dont know what he wants and she goes back to dad  and sez he knows hes one of them

1 of us! 1 of us! gooble gobble! gooble gobble!

so then its day again and this mexicany red neck comes by and wants to ice the induians and warns of them

so theygo on and through an induian villagfe where an indiuan fires an arrow at them

so they return fire and ap 1, then continue on

if going through their land is bad, then what about devolved people driving through neighbohoods T NIGHT WITH RADIO BKLAsting?


f off caps lock, go suck soviet california aids d0ng

so j f k was driving through dallas with his irish music blasting and 12 guy couldnt taje uit and went to the grassy gnoll tio soilve the problem

so the indians ciome for them and they cant outrun emn in wagionsand gotta satand their ground and bribng it to em


so a swARNM OF induians come down and get close and wack em

the induians win and main guy is alive on a wagoin as they drive on with him at gunpoint and them chanting their pells

he wakes up and is in their camp and they speak their gaijin talk and this FAT M4XICAN COMESOUT

he wants to klnow custers plans and has a note from or for custer and knows hes gonna fight the reds

they bring out o hara  who is revealed to have told em custer has 5000 men and main guy slugs him

the indians want them to fight and main guy dont but after o hara sez "these dog eaters will do us in" he fights and both are beat out

1 part o hara tries to club him so he does a slide and trips him

what is this?contra hard corps?

so they wake up and are all tied to sticks and are probably gonna be cooked  and fed to dogs and people

the indians have a dance ritual like with lady gaga summoning hewr daempon

they figure they are gonna be toryured to find out about custer abnsd 1  guy there knows some of their gaijin talk

a guy with horns on his at sez custer is comming and they will be iced tomorrow

o hara sez he knows by luittle big horn is thousands of enemy troops and if they get custewr, hes finished

they gotta warn custer and talk of it with the indians there and dad is taken out and icec wait its not dad

they go through this thing with enemies on both sides nauiling him as he goes by like crossing the desert or the unblinking eye in the simpsons

o hara goes out and thenas they ice him i think, de niro farr and irtish come ut with syicks they had in the jail and the rest book it and escape

dad is biting it and wants epm to forget him but mian guy sez o hara had a deringer in his boot and could have shot his way out but sacrificed himself to save em

chick sez main guy chaNGED AND dad rides of on a their horse

main guy and chick comes over in the day and hears custer went to little big horn and dad told them of the high forces there

sao the americans come in and fight the indians and i think they win and my dad whos watching this revcealed that custer spplit his forces and the one that went to little big horn got iced and dad was with em

main guy goes back to the army and applies for luienentnt and its implied hes gonna marry the cvhick and have a bucnha kids or w/e

the end

That was pretty good

nice twists and i thought they'd all get it fvor a bit

good use of huistory and fiction

nice acting and mnusic and writing and editing

its well made and the 50s color looks good in it

nice bit of the bad guy sacrificing himself to save the guy who wanted ti ice him

good redemption and the main guy finding his heart again

nowadyas they/them would whine about the indians as the bad guys or something gay

but in the 50s they weren't blighted by forced pc commie propaganda

plus they/them hate Custter yet have no issue with mao or stalin or mandella or castro

I guess this counts as a Monogatari or Historical Fiction in Japanese

for Warpath 2 I want the indians top have taken over the area in one big blitzkreig and the main guyn and the chick have to escape and evade them. also its a 128 bit dreamcast, gamecube, ps2 and xbox game where you gotta go through this 3D area and sneeak by or take out enemy guards in your way and gotta collect different items to get past the terrain like rope and ninja stars and a crossbow.

Friday, December 23, 2022

The Hands Of Orlac Review

 Note: I spell Hands On

The Hands Of Orlac

This is my review on The Hands Of Orlac from the distant future year to of 1924 (90 years before The Malcontent Uprisings in Robotech)

I saw this before and I liked it

Its a GermanExpressionist film directed by Robert Wiene who did The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

when it came out the gov wanted it censored as they thought it gave away crime fighting things but that fell through as it didnt

it stars Conrad Veidt from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari/Waxworks/The Man Who Laughs/Casablanca/The Thief of Bag dad, Fritz Kortner from Pandora's Box, and a bunchea guys i only saw inm this

so after title and credits that only show the actors family names, or clan names if ninja, this chick reads a love letter friom her butt buddy

turns out her butt buddy is paul orlac whos a big time piabnist giving is final concert

his train comes in at the night abd theres abn ACVCIDENT THAT NEARLY killed todd browning

his woman comes over in a horseless carriage and theres chaos in the train wreck area

cool effect of steam abnd light iub the darkness, like anb energy field as the train comes in

they gert orlac out and the other grease monkeys who got greased and use a strewtcher on a roofless car to drive him to the dr

erlsewhewre, a criminal is getting executed anbd hiss parts will be shipped t the clinic

cool shot of a ar going by as the bright sky and dark earth and trees

do da dr finds orlac was f'd in the train wreck and his woman is a;; f'df out

after da dr treatrs him, he sez he fixed the skull crack but his hands are f'd and she sez to save em as his hands are his life

he sees the convict bein borught in and sez he'd try and laterr orlac is in bed and bandaged up and recovering

dr unwraps his head after sending ehr our for somer reason and they bring her in and wait i thuink they were changing his bandages and she comes in alone to him andf press cheeks together

not butt cheesks as they are germans but face cheeks

she notices his hands are bandaged up and orlac sees thsi guy looking in the door windoiw at his hands and laughing but when she looks hes gone

i love this b/w footage, it looks classy and stylish

now this is pod rac ing i mean a silent film

so later jerry orlach is at home and his hands are still bandaged and he wonders whats goijng on

da dr tajkes off his bandages and he looks at his hands and i realised he hasn't j-=rked off since b4 the accident

unless he uses his writsts on his b0ner or w/e

or could suck his own thing

Thoughts you DON'T want in the shower: Man, my thing smells weird, I wonder what it tastes like?

orlac wonders if he can play hios organ again and by that i mean being a hard driving pianist and dr sez da spiritr rules the hand and natuire and a strong will can overcome anything

like seiya training to use his cosmo to get the cloth

so orlac looks at his fingers finging and his woman later is glad the orlac is coming tomorrorw and she can feel his hands

AT night he has a dream of this smoke cloud and the guyb starting at his hands and of the hand coming to punch him

its done with an overlay and him in the corner in bed and the face and hand on the right and is really good

he wakes up and finda a note saying his hands were f'd and his now hands are of the mmurderer and robbewr and he freaks out and falls over

you'd think he's know what huis hands looked like

then again, if they got f;d in an accident then he might think "they look dfifferent from healing"

so the orlac goes to dr and seems kinda spazzed out like a zombie or cesaere from the cabinit of dr caligari and  asks if he has the killers hands

after not showing the drs ansawer but insterad showing ther chicks making f,owers, he goes off and is like edward scissorhands, is this wherr tim burton got it?!

so later he got dressed and sez to not let the killer hands touch anothert pwerson

i mean jjst cuz they were misused in the past dont measn they are lways good, look at rthe swstika, most fo the world loves it as the holy symbiol it is, only america and europe hate it for the misuse in the 30s

although there are a lot of poieple who like it for that misuse

orlac puts on his ring but takes it off as he dont want it on the bad bands i mean hands

so eventually orlac coems hoem and is kinda spazzy and his woman hands him come flowers but he dotn take em

theres a dark dressed man in a hat and cape lurking around outside, but its dayliught soi its not scary

man, conrad is good at playing a f';d out spazzyy dude

so orlac goes to his piano and hugs it and starts to play eventually andf cant

his woman sez she loves him and he cant bring himself to use the bad hands on her but when she grabs them he gets f'd out

so she hugs his head and smooches him

then it fades out and i think she b0ned him or maybe he b0nesd her mouth

later this dark dressed man asks a newspaper chick with all these newspapers aroudn the shop for the jan 15th paper and buys it

he goes to a bar orm something and reads da paper and it sez the kiler pled not guyilty but his fuingerprints were proof

oh its conrad readiung it and he gets bummed his fingers were used wroing

imagine if a guys hands are sawed off and he gets new hands from anothe rman, but when he's j=rkin off its like another guy is j=rkin him off?

is that gay?

i'm not an expert in that field so i dont know

so the paper sez the knife used on the victim had an x on it and had the killers prints on it so he and only he used it

then the scene goes blurry and orlac is spazzed out b4 it retutrrns to normal and he lleaves to go home

at the hom,e he sees the x knife and like a f==kin dumba55, grabs it witrh his hands and goers in

what if that knife was used in a murder? you got ur prints on it

i eman another murder

so his hands have autism fior a bit and i think theseres a maid or slave there and knows hes home and orlac hides the knife in the pianbo

he sez it feels like the hands are sending somethign from them up his arms and into his soul

his woman sez she wont follow hsi wishes and even if he kills her she wont go and do his cr-p

then we see orlax all spazzed out with his hands out like the mummy or frankenstiens monster but this came 1st and getting the knife on the piano, not in, and zomibied liek coming back to anothe rroom anbd making stabbing moves

his woman comes in and sees him and is kinda freaked out as he badly hides the knife behind him even though she alrwady saw him

hes goin mental and tells her to not come near and she goes off then he enarly shanks his left hand, a double yugioh rteference of btoh the other yugi's game with ushio and mariks lkeft arm offering card

so later he blacks ou and trhe maid i think is out at night and meets trhe dark suidf man and ses she dont wanna obey him anym ore and tells hiom to go

oh its the guy lloking at his hands and laughing and he sez hes going to the orlacs dad i think iof maid cant convince him and tells him to seduce his hands

i think it was maid who saw him with the knife, noty the woman wife gf butt buddy

so maid comes back and tries to kiss orlacs hands and he puts his hands on her headand she sez they hut like the hands of a killer

this freaks out orlac and he runs off to da dr and sez he wants his hands removed as he dont want em

but the woman is having issues with the creditors who she egts to guive em another month

good use of her in front anfd the 4 guys behind her looking like clones and in the same pose

orlac thinks the hands wanna ice people and wifde asks for a week instead of a month

dr sez da hands dont rule but the head and heard and the heart connects the head and hands

is that wherte metropolis got it from?!

so widfe asks for more time and gets t=it to tomorrow and then at home she sez to maid shes going to her orlacs dad and maid sez hes evil and hates orlac

so she goes to soviet paris and thge butler dont let her in until she tells her story and she comes in

orlac sr sez he knoews of the accident and she sez they need money as he cant work and they didnt have disability yet

orlac jr dont know and sr sez he hates his sona dn wont help and she goes home

at home orlac jr or garkic jr sometimes, is that where they got it from? plays his records of his painism and spazzes oput and busts itr

maid tells wife to get orlac jr to see sr so they can pay bills and 

orlac reads his past love notes of lholding his woman in his hands, is this wihere todd brotning got it for the unknown?

did i say todd browning in the above area in the car i mean train accidsnet?

looks it up, yeah i did, thought i got the wrong name for a sec

so orlac thinks how that was his handwriting and writes it again on the past love not and its all cr-ppy as hes got nerve cut and reconected

hes spazxzed out and wife tells him to see father and that she tried but sr is evil and shes scared of him

so then orlac is there in paris at orlac sr ands the door is unlocked

he goes in and fiunds sr iced with the x blade in him and he dumba55edly runs out

wait hes going to da cops and tells em, hgis 1st smart move

1 guy in the cop house calls trhe laughting man in black and the cops come to see the body and recognize it as the kilers knife

cop who called i think looks at the table with the magnifying glass and sez its got the killers prints on it

as i guess hes super autirtic and recognizes any fingerprints from a glance

butler comes back with a note saying his sister is sick and the coop sez its the killers handwriting

orlac is freaking out and da cops say the killer was dead for years but his hads are alive

or,ac goes out and laughting man in black comes by and meets him and its good light and shadow effects, a general darkness there

they look at each other and he walks off and orlac follows him to a bar

laughering guy sez to bring a million franks  and orlac sez he as in his dreams

laughing man sezx they are for his hands and he shows him metal hands, totally not like dr rotwang in metropolis or bruce campbell in army of darkness or luke skunlicker in that 70s sci fi film flesh gordon

he sez hes the killer and the dr did the same science with orlacs hands as the lauighing mans head ands shows his nmeck

and if he dont get the million franks, then hes gonna tell the cops that orlac did it as he has the killers prints

andf the writing was in the the killers handwriting which is now orlacs and the maid saw him with the knife

and orlac doesnt ask how the laughting man knows this and laughing man goes off

so orlac goes hjome and checks the pianbo for the knife and its gone and he faints and wife helps him

he tells her his cr-p and the hands make him do crime andshe kisses tme  and thew maid sees from hiding

i thought the killer was in a crazy bug eyes mask or something and had a box on his nneck

wife sez top tell the cops everything and he thinks they wont buy it and she sez tbney will buy it as she does

yeah but he didnt b0en em, or did he? this IS europe!@

so thehn we see this station and the laughing man and mousctahce call cop are trhere and wait i dont think tis him

he tells da cops his story and the coips write a warrent for his arrest and call cop witrh muistace sez to brign da money and the cips wtill take care fo the rest

back when crime movies had cops as the good guys

nowadays they';;d be who hes fighting

so the paul the orlac goes to the bar to meet the laughing man and the coips come outta the shadows and nail him

hes fingered as paul mera i mean mr nera whos a high rank crook and faking being the drs assistant

a cop takes off his metasl gloves and fake neck scar and nera the laughting man sez the kuillers fingerprints were there and orlac has the hands

they gon arrest iorlac but maid comes in adn sez nera is da kkiller and nera maDEWAX CASTS IOF THE KIULLERS PRINTZ THEN MADE THEM ON RUBBER GLOVES

f opff caps lock, to go soviet calidnifra and get b0end by aids spradwers

oh and she sez how nera framed the guy the hands were from with the gloves and he was innocent

the orlac is glad his hands are virgin and wife is there and blacks out and he brings her out like in claigari a bit

he holds her in his hands and they hug

the end

thgat was pretty good

itys a bit long as theres a lot of shots of characters walking and spazzing out and moving slow, but i fast forwaredd to speedo it up

its got nice camera work and filming and a clever story of mystery and the supernatural

most of the time in these 20s moviues the supernautral is explained away by logic, but in remakes its real

thsi was remade a few times and those have more supernautral themes in some and there was the movuier body oparts with that steven king looking c-ck sucker in the 90s

conrad is pretty good in this and plays the part well and thres some good twists this has

i liked it and it tells the story well with good clean h,orror withoutt gorte or blod or naked chicks or b0ning or much swearing

oh and its one fo the 1st movies about transplants or limbs

wtf this was based on a french book and thayt was based on a  real french surgeon who experimented in grafting ad transplant science

and its director i mean writer Maurice Renard did work on books of organ transplant, sky people fishing for men, cloning, artificial life, insibility issues with eyes notrr working, shrinking, and time compressing glass

For The Hands Of Orlac 2 I want it to be him preparing fopr a piano contest aND he has to get back in shape and return his skill and its him doing various exercises and montages of him working out his hands to remaster them to usxe the piano. also theres a tiral of the nier or w/e the real killwers name is and he is saying the whole story is too insane to be believd and might get off. he does but when he goes to ice orlac for revente, he sues his newly mastered hands to beast him up and pull off his hands and the cops arrewst him. allso its an 8 bit game on sgea master systm, game gear, nes, game boy, tg16m, atari lynx and 7800 where you play as orlac and do mini games to raise your stars for the final battle, also the real hand owners will is what gives him the skill to pull off the guys hands and its like with raoh's ki saving kenshiro in hokuto no ken 2

Tuesday, December 20, 2022

America Review

Note: I sopell like I Am, An Ameruicxan!


This is Ore Samma No Review on America from the duistant Future Year, To Mark Twain, or 1924 (90 years before The Malciontent Uprisaings in Robotech)

Its directed by the most grand D W Griffith who did did A Corner in Wheat/The Musketeers of Pig Alley\Judith of Bethulia /The Avenging Conscience: or "Thou Shalt Not Kill"/The Birth of a Nation/Intolerance/Broken Blossoms/\Way Down East\Orphans of the Storm/Abraham Lincoln/True Heart Susie

its based on Robert W. Chambers' 1905 novel The Reckoning that i neer read nor heard of

I saw some of this b4 but not most

Its also callled Love Ands Sacrifice at times

it stars Neil Hamilton from the 60-s batman, Erville Alderson fropm Santa Fe Trail/The Grapes of Wrath/sergeant york, Carol Dempster from The Birth of a Nation/Intolerance/Treue Heart Susie/Way Down East//Sherlock Holmes, Charles Bennett from citizen kane/The Adventures of Robin Hood/the 30s Treasure Island,  Lionel Barrymore from Judith of Bethulia/Ben-Hur\Sadie Thompson\West of Zanzibar/The Mysterious Island/Arsène Lupin\Rasputin and the Empress\Treasure Island\David Copperfield\Mark of the Vampire\The Devil-Doll/Captains Courageous/Dragon Seed/Duel in the Sun/It's a Wonderful Life/Key Largo, Sydney Deane from the 20s The Last of the Mohicans, Louis Wolheim from the 20s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde/Orphans of the Storm/Sherlock Holmes/Two Ar ab ian Knights/The Racket, and a bunch not on candya55 wikipedia or that i never heard of

so after tital and creduds we get a text saying its a stoiry of sacrifice for Freedom in Americabetween 2 Englisgh Speaking people as the gov soviet canada and australia have was denied to America by the evil king george 3

the evil brits raised taxes to pay for the expoences from the french/indian wars and the colonies were not represented in parlement

is this where Gundam goit it from? Is George Washtingion Dozzol Zeon?

then in lexington (steele??!)we see kids playing soldiers and in da buckman travern, wait, its the home of nathan holden(llike william holden?) whos a poor farmer and heading to bostom

nates ancestors fought cromwell and wait fought with criomwell and hes an express rider and homie of paul revere(and the riaders?)

in virginia he meets the innocent virgin and butt virgin nancy montague whos above him ion status but as this isnt sh-tty a55 india, i dont think her fam will have them murdered for it

he swears to love her and later its revealed that her fam is brit nobility liek blue bloods (D HERO Bloo-D) and thus are probably inbred like the others in virginia on their estates

the montegoes love wach other and are movies with geroge washington

nancuy was at a thing in london and was the belle of da ball and her dad is a dandy but a good shot and swordsman, so he's gritffith from berserk

wait itsa the son whos the grioffith and his dad wants him to grow up and nancy asks if washington will fight the brits

he sez he is against inustive and has faith in the system and the montagues say they will stand by him

also george uis not sahown like with Jesus in Ben Hur

the evil regent of soviet england; george 03, had advisors supporting his view that he must rule all with his suipremacy and felt Am,erica wanted too much freedom, which is normal for brits today whjo enjoy beuing subserviuant to the fregent

in parliment, william pitt is sick but comes to defensd Am,erica and sez theres no Americans here and America is their son, not bast=rd

they saidf bast=rd in a 20s film

frances bernard, the ancestor of scott and brian bernard from Robotech was the reason things were cr-ppty between America and candya55 england as he didnt get how many still liked england as its better than the slum countries

so bernard sez ameroica has no rught to refuse and belongs to em and if they do, they will be iced

in bostyon in da green dragion tavern, samuel adams and john chancock plan an uprising and the town looks sorta  german expressionist A BIT

bernard is closing the shjipyard and starving em abnd nate is there as a minute man and a  member of tghe Sons Of Liberty

they send nate to virginia with news and the montagues ghead for the hpouse of burgess for legeslature

nate has news of bernard locking down boston like the china does to the people it oppresses and in legislature the montagues and G W is there, hay it shiows him, andf he looks like scott bakula

nate runs in and gives the news and the people get riled up but montague dad sed he still works for the kimng and the peoiple yell at him

the son and nancy and leaving and nate talks to nancy which is unuaual as shes higher status like in a feudal system of japan

he asks of his poem abnd she liked it and veiginia voted for a daty of pennance and praye for boston and didnt wanna ditch england

1 guy is reading something and dad montaguer objects to it being tree sun iss

nsanmcy starts spazzing outut and dad comforts her

the nate is sent to bring a letter as rthey didnt get AIM yet and runs off like a jackalpope

dad montague sez bye to g w and hopes theycan stsay friends and his kids, oh charlie is the son, is  told to listen to his heartand hugs g w

mpomntasgue dad goes to candy a55 canada to get support to fight the humans wjho want freedom and get the indians involved

montagues brother ashley like gone with the wind is in soviet new york anda shoemakjer runs south to avoid the indians

in the indian confederacy, the kingsm,an of indian affraireswants them to fight Americsa for the king and the induians consent

beware the handshake

the kingsman was walter butlwer like in ggne with the wind and whuile from America, hated it, like lord sodom bottom kaiserneko of teamfourstar or back door bradlyy aka manly brad

butler wants to use this as a chance tio take over and rule as a viceroy, kjda like ty r edwasrds in robotech 2 the sentinels

then gioes to boston to tell the general gage about the indians, and ashley wishes hi well

the montagues reach the hq gneeral gage the brit commander and nate read in the paper of the montagues arriveal

he thinks of nancy as he plows huis field andf backdoor butler gets there and has long hair and a cape like that guy form that thing i dont remember now

he sez the indians 6 nastions are on the kingsd side and to crush the masachuses rebels like candya66 trudeau and the truckers but i think montague wants to use diplomacy

alsdo butler lusts for nancy like edwards wanting minmei and hits on her and she in interested as he takes her hankie

a WARRENT IS CALLD FOR THE ARRWEST OF HANCOCK and addams as enemies of the king to send em to soviet england like with chi na and hong kiong

hanckock and adfdams go to lexingtom steele and the minute men protect em and on april 18 1775 the montagues heading for canada like those dfinks say when someone they dont like mis elescted, they stop in lexington steele

montague sees rebels like the confederates and they sing the song yankee doodle abnd montague is triggered

nate finds the montagues are there and reunites with nancy allen and she sez "dont fight the king and i;'l read your love letterts"

thats black male

he vows love no matter what and the minute nmen trainwith rifles and nate returns to em as they goo

later theres a cat on da table like in birth of a nation and in another room is a guy who looks like robert de niro but not as devolved and the monatgues from romeo and jiles the gay degrassi play based on shakesperes romeo and juliette are eating

nate goes up and wait, the brits are gonna steal the americans guns and bullets and arrest hancock and addams and they call for paul revere

nate is outside  nancys window with a whuiite horse and she puts iup[ a sphere to keep out withes and sees him

is tyhis romeo and 21st century juliette?

he stands on his horsde to talk and rides off after seating, then goes back and stands and climbs ip to talk

she gives him an item that he vows to remember her for

he climbs uip and in the window as the calls arew comming from inside the house but she dont consent

he smooches her hand and someone is comming and sees his a55 outside the window and he falls out and goes off

i think its dad montague and he comes in and tells her off then comes out and meets  nate

he attacks nate and nate fights him off but then they are cool and he sez he ment no hardm and they are inside

dad thinks nate was trying to b0ne her and tells chralie and hes gonna duel him

use archfireinds, they are cool

nancy tryes to explain but dad takes her upstairts and i only now realized thhey are nate and nancy

in boston somethings readying and raul reveal goes and gievs a signal

wait, he gets the suignal 2 if by sea and rides to town and 2 brits are there to stop amerticans

he goes up, his horse spazzes arounf and he turnxz back as they chase him

this is pretgty actiony

so he runs and leaps fences and loses the brits as theiur gorses are made cr-ppier like everything in candya66 ch ina

paul revere warns em of the bruits and theres some goodf stunts of jumping things which was epic in ther 20s

the minute men get ready and as rockos modern life sez; they were called minite men as thats hwo long it takes to cook a potato

so charlie is offended that a common farmer would talk to a montague and they have a duel with pistols instead of beyblades

b4 they fire, the paul tells them the brits are coming and they duelists stop

nate goes with his droogs to protect america from the commies opr w/.e and 

hancock and addams are alearted and book it

theyres a battle abd montaghuie is disgruntled that Americans are fighting the regents forces

wait,. only 1 shot was fired andf the minute men have a roll call and prepare for the battle

i think 1812 just started

butler is glad that this major is comming and in the dawn the battle starts

unlike in nam, they line up and take turns firing

wait i dont think they fired yet

they are standing there, menacingly, and 77 Humrnas hold off 800 brits

its like with the 300 spartans holding off the lord of the rings monsters

nates friend jonas swore never to run from the brits and1 shot goes off and is heardround the world and they take turns blasting at each other in a smokey battle fiend like birth of a nation

montague dad remembers his friend g w and jonas is swarmed and shanked by bayonettes but its not graphic as the guys running in front of it cover it

nancy wants to find charlie and not deniro is hiding in the taern or we./e

nancy vows to side with her bf nate no matter whihc side hes on and they smooch and go off

nate goes off to alert his homeis at concord and butler  thinks the rebels wont fight

he misunderestimated the american spirit, the evil b-=ch

so nate tells da concords who vow not to run as i forgot to sday how the brits drove off the humans and the brits arrcve at da brighe

turns out this was the shot heard round the world and they open fire on each other

imagine if the brits had unarmed cops in the 1700s? the americans would kick their candy a55es! Well, sooner than usual!

so therwe a big smokey battle and the brits are drove off, then in the fieldthey fire on the huamsn and the human take cover behind a stone wall and shred em

the brits cuiircle around and shank the huamsn and montague wonts tro know wehewre his son is, but hes fgighjting the huamns i think

wait, hes fighting the english

sdo nate gets the minute men to go at the lexington strele brits and montague coems out and wantsa to know wehat happened with his son

1 guy has him at rifel point and he calls em traitors but the guy, i think nate, sezto go back inside

1 guy grabs nates hand andf it piulls the gun and blows out montague sr and he goes to h-ll for being brittish

chick runs upstaurs and they brign in her dads body and wait hes bnot dead

die you sub human animal! your kinfd doesnt bleong on my blue and pure world!

he sez nate capped him and nancy is f'd out

not able to take it, she granbs his bayonette and runs herself through on it

jk really nate sez he didnt and shes shocked

yuo wa shock!

so she hates him now and tells him to go get f'd and he goes

then comes back in and says "If I can't have you, no one will" and caps her!

jk really the battle goes on outside and not de ito hieds undewr the table

aFTER DA BAttle, charles is with the ameruiicans and havign a good time and goes upostairs 

butlsr hears of hsi defeat and dreams of his as the mad regent or kyo oh in urotusukidoji

charles is american now and diont tell dad as hes fighting injustice and not the king

but the king is evil, hes into daemon worship

not de nito goes north as its too exciting here and i realize hes the shoe maker

in bunker hill theres treenches being dug and a battle happeningand the brits come with camnnon balls blasting the ground

to quote the french in ww1; the cannons, like phaIIus'sm, impregnmante the earth! War is like making love!

oh those lusty devolved frenchies, if its not the marquis de sade ort robespiere, its candya55 trudeau and macron

so in the battle a guyy runs outy and gets more gunpowder to guye fawkes the p[lace and its charfles who hears wait, he gets capped and struggl;es wotj the barrfel of powder

meanwhile, nancy has letters from charlies  as a boy and dad, whos still alive, thinks charkeis fightging fotrr the regent

at da battle,m charlie is crawling on the ground like a worm ands pushing trhe barrel as the battle continues

he gets it to base and the brits are winning and theres many of em advancingand shanking americans

the humans run as the brits take em on and thos ethat dont are endedf

thery need a leader and at the philedelphia continental congress, they appoint george washington as leader

att a place where the americans are treated, charlie is there and i think nancy gets word he got f'd

she goes trhere and has a moment with him and im not sure if hes bloinde or in a powdered wig

she kisses his lips as thats how it is in thweir family and sez bye as mother is waiting for him

and then, he died, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

dont worry, hes gonna be ok, he just needs some rest, liek the crystal knight in knighhts of the zodiac canadian dub

montague dad  wants to see him but nancy thinks hesd bite it if he knows his son was an American

every candya55 canadians fear

so they bring in his body and show him and she puts on the brit flag overe it to befoul it

she shows dad and then hides the brit flag b4 the guys come in to take the body out to be fed to the pigs and slaves

then in 1776 they sign the declaration of independance and ring the liberty bell

the king send brits and indians to cut new york from america and give it to soviet canada, which kinda happened with all those commies, and to destyroy americas grain to starve america like stal;in and the ukrainians, which made then join the fuhrer

at fort esperance in the mohawk valley whjere massacres happened, many bit it so savee freedom

montague dad esacaped to his bros home and is still broken from 1 bullet and the bros place is for brity forces and indians

butler has gone like khyron in robotech and has gathered a force of ameriucan malcontents called butlers greens

like in soviet california how theyt hate freeedom and amer8ca?

butler goes to bro montague and theres a note of the frencgh canadians aand a cherryu valley massacre and thats where i think the greens got the name

butlef was destroying farms in america like the gov regulations and wastying farmers like its sherman in the civil war to the confederates

captain hare is a self hating american who uses wqR AS a reason to go savage on guys, like section b in violence jack, or rather section a, and he lusts fior nancy! again, like section a

butler faked being nice and covered his dreams tpo conquer and until the cherruy valley massacre, few knew his true face

is he who t r edwards was based on?

he comes on tomnancy and sez his real reason was tyo see her

joe brant was a mohWK  chiefg who was educaTED and now was a violent warrior

montague wants nnancy to marry butkler abnd later at valley force the amweruicans go through the sanow and deal with cold with not much clotrhes

i think wAShingtopn is praying bt im not sure to wehhich god as of his affiliatuon, and nate is still into nancy

nancy syill longs for nate and theres a good scene of them thinkingh of each other and gojng back and forth

in the birt parleiment edmund bburke protests the use of indians and the duke of richmond AND JAMES FOX(JHAMIE FOXX?!) DO too

the evil kiong is busy with other wars in cnadya66 eutope and wants to be the only ruler there

geowge washington hears of the massacres of butler ad gets p-sssed and genegal morgan (asxe hand morgan from one piece?)sez to send holden butng w cant spare any more men

holden whos nate has liberty or death on huis shirt and not de nito coems backlto minrtague

in spring morgans men went to abernathy i mean albany with steamed hams and nate stop[s by ashlewys place to see nancy

he gives her a letter saying he was proven innocent of capping her dad by a miliraty couyrt and 

he sez he salways thought of her in the hardness and she sez her dad hates his koind aND HS SUFFERTED ENOUGH AND SHE DONT WANNA CAUSE MORE

he wants to meet her dad and tells of howe butle is a savage who massacres the innocent like with the butcher of little mesa in robotech battlecry and is a traityort to the king and decency

he goes up and tells him not to styay as  butler might try something with dad but dad dont caere and uis too p-ssed  to guive a sh-t

he sez hes gonna keep on loving her and leaves and shes crys

a year later, nate is in pensulvania and butler riases ashleys area

they catch the americans and lew ten int boyd of morgans rfdiles was chopped upo for not telling the indians any of his secrets

imagine if they showed it and we cann him beuing butvchered like a pig?

then eaten, as they b0ned the parts!

butlersa malcontents of self hatingf americans went aginst brit orders amd iced many they saw as enemoes

also manybrits dressed like indians to cover their evil, like the beta male trudeau crossplaying as a non white, over and over and over

i think cptain hare b0ned out a guys eyes with his thumbs

then we see a farm where people run and are capped

montague is shook up by butlers evils and ashley is capped for complaining about their acts and nancy and dad see

so a spy sez butler is gonna attack annear area and they dont have enought energon cubes tpo power a full scale assault, so they need the exact data

major strong an dfcaptain nate go in as ninjas and ggert to this hosue that nancy is in and then the britys come in later

they sneak around and avoid da britys amd butler reveals he wants to burn the country down and slaughter everyone in his way to make his own empire

like edwards and the ref and invid

he wants the mohawks to ccome at 3 pm or am ort we/e and then goes up to chat with nancy asking if she buys all the accusayions on him

he spazzes out meaning she does and dad comes in andsez hes not welcome hehere cuz opf the cherry massaacle

so butler has dad arrested for beign a traito as this is brit rule and they dont need evidence

nancy treies to save himbut cant as shes a girl and goes to the inner halls

dad is locked up and for all he knows, they arer all b0ning her at the same time

she sez shes ok aND A MOHAWK BY her foillows her and she goes in her room

nate and his majoy are lurking around and see butler havcing nuiis meeting and saying to destory fort sacrifive including the women and children

what about thehermaphrodites?!

also butler arresting montague as butler mover further dark and whenmontague, who stayed the same, disagreed, was attacked by hium, is like how the left keeps goingh l;efter and if you saidf anything they currently dont like, they go after ytyou

like women have wombs

so the britsx eat and the americans sneak around to escape and see the mohawk and go  ut he senses em and follows

major comes cvrom behind a curtain and mohawk shanks him b4 he can draw hsi sword but nate gets the mohawk and shanks him

captain hare pulls a trudeau and fakes being indian, but not tht kind annd nate goes off to warn the americans and meets nancxy

she leads him, from the door with butlers men and they hug and butler sends 2 of his men to get her

she sez she to wait til hshe returns and goes weith the men and asks not to be kept with the bad peopel who work for him

he sez she was promised to him like an indentured servant like in mus lim countrties or india and butler men wont let her leave

majoy i forgot his name is struggling to walk and nate comes out of the room and nancy prays for help but butler sez not to

major crawls around and finds nate and sez people will die if he dont go and tell them and hhe must sacrifice his gf or his country

so byutler is doing what seem slike b0ning to chick nancy and nate begrudghiungly runs off to save the innocnet

nancy faints and and butler feels her b00b from arioiund as she is on the ground

he carrues her off to butt hammer and as he goes up da stairs, the dark area on film lights up and we see majoy there, wait its joe the indian

he sez its timeto attack and if they dont go now they wont go

butler puts down his victyim and tells his men to weatch her until he returns, and i hope they dont put their parts in her mnouth

so shoe maker is in the building andf he and dad come out after the brits left and captain hair is dressed like an indian and going aorund

showe maker and dad montague come pout and have guns and lock the brits in the cloxzet where they belong

nate tells the fort of the upcomming attack and nancy and dad and trhe rest take cover in it as its the last safe place

the evil forces of ebutler head for the fort and nate sez they are only a few miles away and to move the grain convoy back

this huge a55 wagon of grain is on the move by seveal horses and nate reunintes with wait its dad with nancy

so the captain hare is disgrintled by then montague escape and attacks some place and burns the town like with the gorillas in the mist chick andthe african villages

so the fort isd under attack and its a good long shot of a battlefield with smoke rising and guyaz scrambliung 

nate gets to the troops and they go to the fort and its like birth of a natiuon with the hroes heading the the innocents being attacked by the bad guys

all those kids who played soldier are scared its happening for real

like in the 1st pokemon moviue where team rocket sez "i was prepared for tyrouble, byut not like this"

so the americans attcks the britmoes and butler leads the troops and we get the classic smoke coverer battl;efield that griffith fdowes well and the women start to get guns only to be capped

then the raiders attack but not with paul revere and bust the brits with nates noteriety

the brits flee like cobra in g i joe the 80s carftoon and the indians are climbing the fort walls and the americans inside are hiding in the inner chamber

liuke the cabbin in birth of a nATION

THE INDIANS BUST IN AND ICE THE FEW LEFT OUT OF THE INNER SACNTIM AND f off caps lock im trying to typem osmerthing

so the indians and brits who identify as indian are hammering the cabin and the women and inncoents are in there

the natesmen come in and useing the most american took, the gun, cap the enmyuu

the baddz get iun the inner area but b4 they sodomize anyone, nate come in with his droogs and watses em

hes glkad to see the nancy chcik alive and still a butt vidgin and mouth virgin and the brits are fleeing

butler is capped by amercians and goes back to h e double soviet engliand where his kind came from

so the countries make peace and holden march taught the montagues that grezt hearts braise themselbes above birth or wealthj

which is what makes amercica great

ben carson was a nobody from the slumb who worked hard and became trhe worlds best hild brain surgeon, then almost became president

in cr-popy copuntries like india or wengland, if you are born in a lower fam, you get iced for trying to ascend

so cornwallis surrenders and washington accepts and is made prez and montague dad is ok with holden nathan being in his fam

the end

that was pretty good

not as good as birth of a nation, but i liked the romance and it was morer talk than show

many title cards instead of action

but at least he tried something new instead of sticking to the same formula

its well acted and hasa good action and draMA AND THE FILMING IS WELL DONE

its not bad but there are better

also it kinda drags a bit at the start but its not boring or bad

fot America 2 i want it to be ABOUt england launching a 2nd attack in the 1800s and america teams up with Japan to take em on. also its got the kid of Nancy and Nate as  a tough chick who is skilled with a firearm ike Lillian Gish and she is friends with a Tengu from Japan who is an ambassator for ther Yokai forces who they send to aid america, also its a 16 bit Srpg like fire Emblem or shining force on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, AraTI jAGUAR AND gba and you polay as the chick are leading a band of warrior you have different classes and face the evil king of england who has taken over  france and has used them as food for his army as there was a bad crop, also you use steampunk style tech from benjamin franklin who you can use to give extra money to and he can make new armor and items

Monday, December 19, 2022

Chuck E. Cheese In The Galaxy 5000 Review

 Note I spell el cheezarro

Chuck E. Cheese in the Galaxy 5000

This Is My Review on Chuck E. Cheese In The Galaxy 5000 from the distant future year (to julkes verne) of 1999(The year some stuff happened in Robotech)

its a direct to video adventure of the rat from that pizza place i never went to

its by the funimation guys before they went sour and got all woke and b--chy and cruel

it stars the guys from the 90s dub of dbz after Saban left and they had to hire the nobodies from Texas to immitate the REAL Voices as they couldn't afford it

Sadly, this was the best funimation could go, They kinda f'd uip GT as the Blue Water Dub actually kepot things as it should be without the p0rn0 music and cutting 1/3rd the show

they f';d up kai which was already bad for being widescreen, cutting the cool parts, the blood, the violence, and havcing the 40s sounding kapanese music after the  muscistn was caught plagerizing

They didn't do 80s Dragon Ball well as the Blue Water Dub had better voices and writing

and super is cr-p no matter what

At least they did FMA right, but that was a bout it

Oh and the cool 90s DBZ with the cjheesey lines and awesome bruce falconer musaic isn't dont anymore as they remastered it and made it s-ck

the guy who did the main mouse is Duncan Brannan who is a Minister, but as funimation hates Christians, I'm not sure if he's safe

Huh, Gen Fukunaga did work for Rick Santorum before stepping down in 019 and them going on gee haad on Vic

so it starts with a title weith cheesy 90s cg then chuck e cheeze footage of wait, its just an italiano wait, it is chuck e cheese and these suit actors come in to meet this italiano for a meeting

this kid named charlie, aka chuckie aka chuck has an issue as he needs money

also thats quite a super italiano looking italianio, is this racist or are italianoes white?

so chuckie needs 50 000 diollers in 90s music i mean money as his aunts tractor f'd out

fun connection; In the manga its said Chichi has a hick accent and her fave vehicle is a Tractor, plus that whole "Princess of Fire Mountain" and the Ox King looking sorta Country and Goku being a farmer makes it seem like she'd be  one of those southern fried girls

Someone otta draW Her as a redneck wearing daisy dukes, a flannel armless top tied around her large bust like a bikini top, a cowboy hat, bare feet, and spitting on the floor. She should have a 4 : 3 TV with a VCR and a buncha VHS tapes, a Confederate flag, and a dog on a BBQ in the background.

so they suggest getting jobs at the chicken palace and 1 of those live puppets is a chicken who hgets triggered

the dog sez he can relate and the chicken sez he cant, which he can in korea and the phillipines

but the italnaio knows of a galaxy 5000 race in spoace with weird gamecube or rollie pollie ollie graphics and the grand prize is 52 000american 90s dollers

and the italiano was into pod racing years agioand tells em where to go and sez its more dangerous now that thetres more money

so the X [pilots who l;ook like 90s dudes and they can go at Vega 2 speeds, which i dont know what thast means

the dog dont wanna go and neither does tghe rest but chuck e sez "hold on! wbats that smell?!" and its adventure

then they break into a song like in f==king mac and me at mcdongs(known as mcdonalds outside of vietnam and korea)

its kinda cheesy but nice, like barney meets don bluth with some dbz fast wit and puns

so they get the dpog to come with em and ijust noticed the chicken ius in a cheer leader outfiit

so they go to this italnaio back room and theres a telporter thats 90s chgi and worse than power rangers and chuck e got a new outfit

they spin and warm through the galaxy becasue we are we are v r

on thge planet the chicken is on the chick e and its implied they might be b0ning in the past

so they look aroud and see this big a55 green screen area and the x racers are big muscley german guys and were disqualified last year for cheeting and are doign cr-=ppy arnold voices

they hit on the chicken and is this rock a doodle? and she rejects em and insults em

they are gonna beat her a55 and chuck e stands up to em and they look like they are drressed for p0rn0

b4 they beat and b0ne him, this guy called dr zoom calls em off saying to be superior on the race track

cant have violence, this isnt dbgt with vegeta getting his arm shanked through 

so chuck e and friends meet the italanos homie whos a cowboy and her shows them itlanoipoes pod racerand its a sega cd looking cgi car

then this blonde chick i neon comes in and is friendly with em about them being in the qualifier but rtheir ship s-cked

chick e cheeze sez his racer is gonna be cool and picks up her handkercheif when she drops it but chicken interferes

chuck e sez chicvken is just a friend andblonde hits on chuck e as she likes rat d0ng

chicken storms off and blonde kisses chuck e as this is howard the duck part 02

then at nbight on a green screen of the soda shop, the chicken sings of wanting the chuck e and how he dont notice her

interspecies romance? like robotech? or dbz?

the song is actually kinda good and has nice heartfelt feels and kinda 80s

so after working all night on the car, chuck e's crew has reformatted the cr-pmobile like beast machines and chicken isnt back

they go to da race w/o testing and wtf the kid in is it?! is that safe?

so cowewboy sez not to go vega 2 until the end and watch ut for dead mans canyon

they race and it looks like a cr-ppy sdreamcast thing and chuck e's car wont start and the dog hotwires the car and hgets shocked and turns inverterd polarity like a photo negative

the blue guy has to take a foot long dump and chuck e drives by the x racer who is not raCER X FROM SPEED RACER


f off caps lock, go get soviets from california to b0ne you with aids df0ngs

so the x rtacers come after em and they evade and the x racers nearly hit a rock pillar

so the blonde, cowboy and chicken watch on the sxcreen like star wars ep 001 and the x racers use zoom gas on themselves to get high andthen use vega 2 to warp agead

chuck e uses vega 2 and they go sky hgih but then back and through dead maNS CANYON


p off caps lock, go eat aids needl;es

so chuck e cant see in the speed and drops outta vega 2 and ther x ravcers win with chuck e in last place

later at the baror soda stand or w/e blonde is doing her make up and chuck e is buyummed he cant see at vega 2

so the x racers come in with chicken and i just rtealized this is like the mcdonaldlas characters

so the x men and chicken chcik mock chuck e and blonde cares more for chuck e making her look bad

then the dog sings a country song about how it looks f'd like a snowballs chance in texas being their chances of winning

dont woerry, global warming is non canon

so chuicken is taken to dr zooms warehouse as she asked to see it and she asks how they fly so fast and their secret

they say they use zoom gas as they are dyumb muyscle

perp; you can kiss my dumb muscle1

lawyer; where you're ghoing you'll have a lot of takers

actual law and order dialogue

or was it p0rn0?

so dr zoom comes in and sez da zoom gas is real an is dressed like a pp-mp as usual

he reveals in his really 90s song about how his zoom gas makes you do better at races but devolves the brain like flu shiots  and its made of chicken

this seems like a really cr-ppy bibleman thing

so the x racers grab her and he sez hes gonna turn her into juice which i think means is gonna grind her up into liquifioied slop

the next day chuck e goes alone into dead mans canyon and trains in vega 2 but f==ks out

he wakes up in a xcave and a guy who looks like the italiano and edison i mean einstein comes in and reveales he helped him

scottish einstein italiano sez winning isnt everything and chuck e sez he needs the money, so non italaino thinks its greed but chuick expclains its to help a feirnd

after saying he didnt train for it, the non italoano sez he needs to realize his true potential

i think this is where bleach got it from with all the training arcs

so chuck e does a thing where he does cg things on a green screen like jumping on rock pillars that burst fire from ther top somehow, whuch seems impossible

also running on a hampster wheel and whack a mole

also this is a montage of him doing it to a cheerful song

at the juice bar, the b,onde gets mad that chuck e might not win and she saved all her money to come here and this is her only chance to be with a real racer

so the x men come by and she goes with them but sez sorry

then its day time and chuck e hasn't slept and mastered huis training by grinding all night agianst ther same things

also refs to tyhe karate kid with waxing and painting fences

and this mysterious stranger helping him train is like in all the 80-s movies like youngblood and ricky 1-5 000 and team america

so on dr zooms lab he hasnt liquidated her and she unlocks the prison cell with her feather somehow

offscreen she nails him on the head with a frying pan and probably cuases brain damage, which he did to those meat heartsoh and theres rwal chickens in the cell and somehow shes sentient and not them

is this like gooofy and pluto?

or in arthur how d w had that rabbit and la sdawn or w/e isa rabbit?

so the race is gonna start and chuck e comes backa dn sees blonde with the guys who probably b0ned hwer all night, 1 in the mouth, 1 in the a55

and for some reason chicken chick comes by and sez she wasnt really into em but was a double agent and tried to find out how they cheeted

she reveals the x racers use zoom gas which i guess overeclocks the brain and burns it out

the barney meets griimmace guy ordered a pizza and they go off with an inconsistant number of racers

the x races are gonna ram chuck es chariot but he goes to warp factor and the x men use the zoom gas

dr zoom is watching as is the non italiano and chicken chick tells the cops who lok right out of a keystone cops 10s video

the chuck e is caught up to by the x racers, which means they are faster than them as they caught upop to em from furrther back, and they use a smoke screen from the exhaust hole

chuck e goes into a cgi forest that looks outta sonic and it goers off da radar

chuck e goes through the trees like not star wars and they get out but are in last place

so chuck e is gonna use vega 3 and the non ittaliano calls on the radio and chuck e calls him da hermet, like the turtle hermit master roshi in dbaf

he sez "listen carefully" but his call f==ks out and chuck e like rober e from dr quinn medicine woman is not sure

but the kid whos done nothing this whole movie and is the main reason they are here, sez he nbelieves in chuck e and chuck e sings a song about believing in himself and its kinda 80s

everyone sings lines in the song and  chuck e cheese wins

now this is pod racing!

weait, chuck e is from eartth? then where are the german x team from?

so dr zoom is arrested form cheeting in a contest and they saved the farm and sing a winning song

the germans and dr are taken away by the cops to be put to sleep and blonde takes back her hankie and stomps 1 of their foots

they sing and are crushed by balloons and the credits roll

wtf daphne gere was in this?

she was Maron in DBZ and aparently chuck e somehow

ew chris sabat, the bootleg piccolo and vegeta asnd recoome who drvolved the voices from the REAL ones in the Ocean Dub

make up tiffany vollmer, she was a good bulma, better than the kai one that sounds awful and mean, i mean yeah kai bulma sounds more like the japanese voice, but we dont get a 90 year old chuick to play goku here, or as people who like that say; sahhn gohh kooo

ew, mike macfarland, he hates the Salvation Army over a minor issue and rumor

the end

that was actually pretty good

nice lite clean and fun

good msuic and nice cheesy DreamCast CG

it rips off star wars, and rocky and it works and its only like an hour'

good color and nice voices and the brain damaged guy was candya55 chris sabat who often plays ret-rded characters like how he ruined recoome

this was back before sony butt hammered funimation and they had to remname it crunchy roll as people hgated it

like facewbook and meta or pedo and map

but this was backl when they were more innocent and less evil

kinda like the sonichu guy before he went all ed gein

this was a good bright cheerful enoyablkle film and i had some good tiems with it

my gf lijes it and asked ore samma to review it, which i did for her

you like this one jiggles? heres to you butter udders!

for Chuck E. Cheese In The Galaxy 5000 2 i want for it to be about the story of the blonde chick going on a training mission as if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself, and fuinds the non italiano hermit and get him to train her, also she gets all huge and muscles from overtraining and looks like one of those Go Nagai Bodybuilder babes. also the m,ovier covbers her journey of discovering her true path and finding the way to righteousness and does the race at vega 4 to beat the x racers who have had cybernetics installed in theuir brains as dr zoom got off easy as he had a soft judge at his trial. also its a 128 bit game on Sega Dreamcast, Gamecube, xbox and ps2 where tyou play as the blonde, the x racers or make your own character and go theough 1 of 3 paths with different training modes in each one with mini games and ending with the race .

Thursday, December 15, 2022

The Viking Review

Note; i speell unnordic or not

The VBiking

This is my review on The Viking from the distant future year, to Oda Nobunaga, of 1928  (100 years before the 2nd robotech war)

Its directyal my Roy William Neill who did frankenstein meets the wolfman/black moon

its got Donald Crisp from, the 40s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde/Valley of the Giants/The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse\Mary Of Scoitland\da 30z Mutiny on the Bounty/Red Dust/Svengali/broken blossoms/intolerance/The Birth Of A  Nation/The Avenging Conscience/the musketeers of pig alley, Pauline Starke from  The Birth of a Nation/intolerance/da 20s Dante's Inferno, LeRoy Ma sQn from the 30s Call of the Wild, Anders Randolf from the 20s Sherlock Holmes\Noah's Ark\The Jazz Singer/Son of the Gods, Richard Alexander from the 20s The King Of Kings\All Quiet on the Western Front\queen christina\The Great Dictator\Marie Antoinette\ da 30z A Tale of Two Cities, Harry Woods from The 10 Commandments, Albert MacQuarrie from The Msark Of Zorrio and The Hunchback of Notre Dame from da 20s, Torben Meyer from the 20s Noahs Ark/Murders in the Rue Morgue/Bride of Frankenstein/Mark of the Vampire/dA 30S A Tale of Two Cities/The Great Dictator/Judgment at Nuremberg/The Great Rupert, Claire McDowell from the 20s The Mark of Zorro/The Big Parade/Ben-Hur/The Big House, Iron Eyes Cody from Ace In The Hole/Cockeyed Cowboys of Calico County, Francis McDonald from Intolerance/the 20s Monte Cristo\Joe Dakota\The Guns of Fort Petticoat\the colored The Ten Commandments/the 50s Calamity Jane/Samson and Delilah\da 40s The Three Musketeers/Duel in the Sun, Lon Poff from the 20s Prisioner Of Zenda/\Dante'ess Inferno/Greed(that oews good)/The Man Who Laughs/ther 40s Madame Bovary, Angelo Rossitto from The Mysterious Island/The Big House/A Midsummer Night's Dream/Samson and Delilah/Mad Max 3 Beyoind thunderdome/the 70s The Lord of the Rings, Dick Sutherland from the 20s Uncle Toms Cabin/Don Juan/A Sailor-Made Man/Grandma's Boy, and a few 1800s dudes i never saw in anything

its the 1st fuill length color film and has 2 strip technicolor that looks interesting

I saw this b4 asnd liked it but its been a while

its based on 1902 novel The Thrall of Leif the Lucky by Ottilie A. Liljencrantz thart, you guessed it, I never r4ad

So after the colored MGM Logio, we get title and it seems kinda 30s with that hue and music on da credits

then text saying 1000 years ago, b4 Whites came to America, da vikings sailed da north

even though the south americans had stories of White Bearded Men comming acroiss da atlantic and teahing em how to build

probably after Noags Flood

So its da vikings ands we see the boat and it comes near lord alwin of soviet englands castlre

hes got people in his castle and the color seems kinda like ivanhoe in dA 1950s

1 prays to The Lord to be prpotected from da vikings anmd outside da vikings are ear and 1 uses a bow/artrow to j f k a guy and another monk is iced and we see his bls blood spill on his boiok

so alwin gets along wiotrh his fam bu da vikings attackand its a big a55 battle

after it they go back to norwau with slaves and1 viking is a midgwet

the picrture the alwainb's mom was making is dropped and step[ped on and alwwain is bummed

outside, a blonde viking chgick is knocked over by a norseman horseman and is treated as ride of the valkyries plays

text sez shes an orphan and of noble blood and her dads homie lief ericsson protects her

her arm has a light sprain and is treated by some guyholding it for a bit then her wrapping it

she notices alwain looking bummbed and thjis viking wants a gift for his wife and chooses a slave

viking chick named helga chats with alwain and buys him for 3 silvers

the same price gut's dad sold him to the big black guy for

she wants his chains off and is told hes got a tem,per, but hews unchained

she jump tacklles him to the ground like enzo in reboot for bob and starts violently b0ning him

jk really they go home after paying

so leif is out with his crew and egil da black is having a swordfight and wuins

hes got a p0rn0 moustache

so helga comeas back and the slave buying viking's woman dont like him getting a greek slave for her b day

she probably is all hairy

slave buyer playfully shoves his fat wife around and she shoves him back

helga shows egil her alwain and he nearly shanbks aLWAIN b4 helga stops it

alwain riides a horse tro the next buty is told its not for slaves to ride and he does it right

helgha sez "wat wood leif think of ehil drawqing a sword on a slave" but egil is jealous of da slasveand is in love with her

she sez shge wants to be friends and hes boummed

later the viking cheifs meet under king Olaf whos da 1ast Christian leader and spreads the Good Word


get f'd caps lockl, get BUTT F'D

so the vikings drink and chat and talk of lands beyond greenland but some think thasts the edge of da world

Olaf-Oh gives leiif a cross and wishes him well

elsewhere, egil thinks helgas slave alwion raN OFF And saDDLES UP HER HORSE

HE gets her to go after him and sghe fuinds him with a book

she whips him anbd he fights back as even if shes a bodfy builde, men are stronger than chicks

wehilms men catch him and hes gonna chop him in 2 by raising his weapon up and ashowing his pits, but shghe raiss her arm and uses her arm,pit tio stop him as hes stain his blade with slave blood

he wants a weapon to figt back but lief wearing artmor with big nipps drawn on it sez to honor the slaves courage

egli faces alwin AND both had 1 shgiend and 1 sword each

btw this has synchronized sound and therwes metal banging and yel;ls on here with jusic

in da fight, ALWIN BREAKS elgins sword but sez he spares him as helga loves him

mythbusters proved swords dont bvreak like dat

slave gets his book and whip and l;ief sez she lknows better than to whip a man like that

so helga gives him to lief and he rides liefs horse

lief gives her advice of controlling her temper and breings her home to greenland

so on da boat, as scuzzmo tells alwin to full a drinking horn but alwin dont and sez sez hes liefs [persobnal slsave

he has slave pride, he's proud of his status

so he cuts 1 hair on the scuzzmo and scuzzmo tries to wavk him

eglig sez to get dda beer or alwin wil be flogged and al;win mouths off to him

so egli gets him tied up and opens the tp of his shirt and then the rtest

he's whipped aNDHELGA DONT LIKE IT AND SYTOPS IT, then alwimn dunksa scuzzmo in the beer barel

the ship hits something andshakes but is bajk on track

probably a u s o

lief is toldf of his slaves acts and hes sent inside and helga follows but listens at a door

lief sez the edge of da wor;d is guardee by monstwers and shows a map opf sea dragons

like mosasaurs seen in ww1?

so liefd makes slave his right hand man anmd later chick helga is in ckloth instead of a mrtaly tank top anbd has her arm felt by lief i think

shhe looks at slave and longs for him, then trhey go to greenland which is a icy place and is stil following the nordic gods like yugioh 5Ds or Saint Seiya, and workd for eeric the red

so eric has a judgement on boat damages and 1 guy has to pay another silvwer but they fight over it and eric therottles em then has em pray to a nordic god as he didnt ice em for drawing blades in a judgement place

at the graven idol, they fight and 1 guy has a cross and eric chops him wityh an axe

we dotn see the impact but the axe has blood on it

hay its china an mus lims countries!

so elief coems by soviet greenlandfor supplies and goes to his dads place and on the trip,  the viking play dice

so we're throwing dice in da alley, and officer leroy come in, and "hay i thoguth i told u" k sun of a!

egli comes well in dice and they mock him for f ing out with helga and helga is therre in what looks like kinda sm gear straps of leather

she goes to alwin the slave and asks why hes avoiding her and he sez cuz hes a slave

she gets close to him and they almost kiss as soft 40s music plays like in a good disney movie

so they finally mnake it to candya55 green land, or i otta call it, tom green land, and eric the red wlcomes his son lief ericsson

eric asks if lief is gay for helga but he sez she has a guy

egli is bummed and we see helga showing her armpit again with a wave and a guy asks egli where his son kark is

elhi sez they hagave karks place to alwin as the christians are fgavored, then ther viking drink and cleebrate

1 guy i think scuzzmo sez lief turned christian and as eric gives a speech, scuzzoid and father of kark comes in and sez his son was passed over for a christian englind

eric comes out about beign christian and shows his cross and eric gets triggered like a reddit monkey and throws an axe aty him

it misses and lief takes it out and gives it back and sez to his men to slay his own men who ice his dads men

eric sez wehen ;ief left the pagan ghods he stopped being his soon so lief wants supplies and to be on his way

eirc sez no supplies and lief sez to alwin to bust open the graineries like moses in the 10 commandments

good shot ofg the base with the white buiolding, it looks liek an 1800s whaling pole place or a george melies movie

so the helga asks if hes leaving her here anbd lief sez shes gonna stay wirth liefs mom after beign with him for 005 years

so the epic attacks the lief and a battle of flailing swords breaks out as liefs men jacxk the grainhouse

scuuzzoid sees a alwain and the viking and is gonna shank em ninbja style, but helga raises her ARM TO shopw off dat pit and yells to him anbd he stops him

the viking get him and probably b0ne him ead with swords anmd liefs dudes escape and lock the ericmen inbside wioth scuzzpoid on the door

the redmen bust it down ands crush the scuzzula and helga sneaks out dressed as a man

the reds ands the liefs clash and liefs men carry  the loot they jacked to dfa ship[ and escape

red  eric is proud of his sons bada55ery and looks on with some honor

at night the liefs team is creeped out by the bl;ackness and fear ghgosts

probasbly of their countless victimas

i torch holding guy spaazzes out thinming he saw a witch and alwin finds its helga

they smooch and on the torch he throws his helmet and toarch bearer who looks like a cavem,an, thinks witch got him

egli comes in and sees and she goes to see leif who sez hes goinna marry her in ancient viking style aftewr the 2nd moon change

so days later, the people fear sea monsters which probably were shown in the bookmbut in 20s effects, woiuld be rough, and fear the edge of da world

egli wants to overthrow lief and alwin closes the shop doors with helga and i think they are b0ninbg

1 guy worrys as Li4efs Crucifix swings ans the people bicker

helga is stiull weaering clothes and sez sahe loves her slave and they smooch

lief comes by and a guy who looks kinda devolved grabs the Crucifix and spsazzes ouyt and throws it off da boat whuile saying to turn bacvk

the crew joins in and wantts to go baco and lief shames em for being cowards and candya55es and viking dont queer out of adventure

they go back to oaring and egli worked to f with the superstitous crew foer a while


good f--k caps lock! can you die?

so helga has to dreiunk from the marriage bowl abnd as she is, egli sneak attackls lief but alwin takes it like in Spider Man 03

lief fighs opff te bad guys and shanks egil and sees helga hiolding alweins bodsy

helga sez she loved him and lief sez da slave betrayed him and is gonna cut her dowmn, but dont

egul from alex kidd sez he did it for helga outta love and bites itr

then they get to America as the 1at White men there, even though theres a skeleton found in fouth america thatsa from longer ago that dna tsts as European

they make a tpwer of stone and i tthionk alwin is alie as hes in bed and helgas lookinmg after him

he makes peace with the indians and gives em a cross and helga and alwin stay behind with some crewmen and the rest return to tom green land

then it shows the watxchtower in rhode island today, or in the 20s

the end

that was good

i love the color and its got a dullness but a likeable feel to it

its kinda ;like 40s and 50s movbies but with some 10s

it tells a good story and i didnt recall the slavery thing in it or the love triangle

or much of it besides the ending

but its pretty good and has nice action and characters

the chick is pretty cool and still feminine instead of b==chy feminists who chave half their head and dye it blue and get tattoos and piercings and aids

it doesnt drag and has good filming and the effects are good

its a solid movie that isn't over complex, just a good viking adventure

nowadays they'd make the Christian viewss look bad and the cool viking look evil, while the paganites being ther "oppressed good guys"

For the Viking 2 I want it to be about alwin and helga in America and they gotta deal with sasquatch attacks but her kid who is a muscley blonde chick and got like noen of alwins devolved brit dna, is skilled with an axe and has blessed items and fights them off, also its a 128 bit game like Legacy Of Kain on DreamCast, GamneCube, ps2 and xbox where yo play as her and fiugth various sasquatch daemons and people who were bred with sasquatches to make devolved hydrids