The Big Country Review

 Note: I spell bigly

The Big Country

This is Ore Samma No Review of The Big Country from the distant furture year (To George Armstrong Custer) of 1958 (40 years efore the global civil war in Robotech)

Its based on a  serialized magazine novel Ambush at Blanco Canyon by Donald Hamilton whichg makes me think of Hokuto No Ken being Serialized in Shonen Jump

Its directed by William Wyler who did da 30z Wuthering Heights/The Best Years of Our Lives/mrs miniver/the 50sd Ben Hur

it stars Gregory Peck from The Yearling/Duel in the Sun/Captain Horatio Hornblower/David and Bathsheba/The Snows of Kilimanjaro/Roman Holiday/Moby Dick/Cape Fear/How the West Was Won/To Kill a Mockingbird/The Omen/The Boys from Brazil/ the 90s Cape Fear, Jean Simmons from Kiss I mean Black Narcissus/Hamlet/The Robe/Spartacus(gayyyyyyyy)/Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within/the 80s Inherit the Wind, Carroll Baker from Giant/theb Greatest Story Ever Told(Which fits AS SHE'S jEwish and its a Bible Story9Aolso she turned Catholic))Kindergarten Cop, Charlton Heston from Julius Caesar/Dark City/The Ten Commandments\Touch of Evil\Ben Hur/The Greatest Story Ever Told/Planet of the Apes/Beneath the Planet of the Apes/The Omega Man\\Soylent Green\Waynes World 2/disneys hercules/Armageddon// tim burtons Planet of the Apes/Bowling for Columbine(commie propaganda), the evil Burl Ives from Little House on the Prairie/Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer/East of Eden(AKA Cain and Abel GX)/Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Charles Bickford from Dy na mite/Od mice and Men/Duel In the Sun/the 50s A Star Is Born, Chuck Connors from The Rifleman/Old Yeller/Airplane II: The Sequel, Chuck Hayward from Teh Searchers/The Alamo/Spartacus/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/Night of the Lepus/bLazing Saddles/The Swarm(Oh F! That was so bad itrs great)/the animated 70s The Lord of the Rings, Dorothy Adams from Samson And Delilah/The Ten Commandments/The Twilight Zone from da 60s, Chuck Roberson from Blackbeard The Pirate/Calamity Jane/Hondo/The Searchers/candya55 s[partacuz b0ning tony cuttris dead/The Alamo/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/How the West Was Won/Shock Corridor/McLintock!/Big Jake/Chisum/The Green Berets, and some guts i never saw and/ortr aint on wikipedia

ore samma never saw thisa b4 but its like 4 hours with adds on grit; television with bavckbone

huh; Eisenhower liked this

so aftewr logos we get credits to super widescreen of a wagon going across da wwasteland

eventuyalkly he gets to a f==k town in the middle of a55 aids nowhere  and seems confised, like an biden; the Cjeif Head Irish Man President, or CHIMP

then heston comes in as a cowboy and advises not to wear his clue board ame hat as a cowboy might sjhoot it off

at this house hew meets this blonde who smooxches him asnd wants tio marry him but heston sez to come with him as da ennesy boys are in town and dribnkiong

they ignoire him and blonde saez her room mate is the school teacher but it turens out shes gone

wait shes here andhas dark hair like a poryugal

peck is a ships captain as his fam owns a shipping thing and guys say hiss green suit looks offf

btw this is colored like a 50s movie but pretty well colored and not too faded

so latewr peck and blomnde go out for a drive and in this wasteland with a few dead trees that somehow grew on the desert, this buncha malcontents is drunk and 1 nearly nifes a guys foot while he sleeps

they go out and blonde drives past the hennesy guys who block the road and jump outta the way, then get on their motorcybcles i meamn 1800s motorcycvles called horses and chase em

this is like a car chase and the biker gang does stuints on the horsze to taunt peck

1 jumps on pecks horses sand falls and 1 jumps on em with 1 leg per horse and stops em

they play fake nice and act p[olite but blonde dont trust em

1 throws pecks hat and caps it and when blonde puls a rifle, peck takes it but it roped by 2 guys as the biker gangtraps his blonde and torments him

the bikers think hes a candya55 and leave and blonde sez sorry and asks why he took her gun

peck sez they didnt mean any harm and don't want em iced but she sez she'd cap em

she seems like a bada55 chick like in a go nagai manga

so preck goes to see the teacher, wait its one of the bikers and he scares her by her not noticing him and has a thing for her

bikers name is buck and he sez how he toyed with candya55 peck andtrys coming onto but goes and sez to choose a side, him or peck

latwer peck is walking aroundf his farm and we see the land and its all dirt and no placts, so we dont know how this town lasts as theres nothing to grow or mine

so peck walks around townb and meets a mexico and a few mexicos who speak mexicanerse, but pek understands, but cant sdpeak it

that dont add up

if you know it, why ccant ypou use it?

so peke goes to ride qa horse but everyones looking at him and he dont as he thinks somethings up

turns out a guy called da major like moptoko kusanagi in ghost in the shell, sez the workers have a ruynning gag to get the new guy onb ol thunder, the wyld stalllion

so major is blondes dad and wants prek to marry her and inherit his cattle ranch, even though there sno grass and they got nothing to eat

major sez precks dad got iced and gave peck his guns and tells him to man up and stand up for himself and not take sh-t from no one

peck sez he was keel hauled in the sea and hazed in school, which hes ok with and nowadya ehy'd make him look traumatized and a victim of oppression

peck sez the bikers were drunk and no harm but dad sez they were cavemen from the stone age and sjhould be wiped out like sodom and homorrah or in a flood

creationism and ervolution? what is this?! go nagai?!~

blonde comes down and has breakfast and peck dont wanna b00ne her in front of dad and dad goes

heston sez how pecke didnt ride ol thunder and blonde sez "everyone does it, its what we do" and peck sez "maybe sometome else"

heston sez hges hunting hennesseys and perck sez to tell dad that the biokers didnt go srs until she pulled a gun

we're 40 mins in with adds

this is going at a good pacer and doesnt drag or feel long

UNlike titanic!

so peck wants heston and dad to not beat up the bikers and everyone there is ok with it as theres no cops around and they gotta do it themzelves

uts like in harry potter how hermoime is agianst the slavery of the elves and no on esides with her

i realized tyhat heston played moses and ben hur and peck played mengele and both are kinda rivals here

oy vey!

so blonde goes out for a ride as shes a stong indep[endant woman but its not all gay like they force it today, and she sits under a tree

so the posse gets to town and wants to know wehere the hennesdys are and thsi female sez they aint hewre and the posse rides around loudly and fires off shots to scare off the towns horses

also they shoot the towns water tower and make leaks and female sez someones gonna stand up to major

is this a thing on the uunion attacking the dsouth in the alleged civil war?

so pecke looks on at ol thinder, 1 10 100 1000 manjyome thunder! and gets the mexico to help himsaddle up ol thhddr

the horse ol thnder keeps taking ofdf plankets mexico puts on him and peck puts the saddle on right after the blanket

the peck wants mexico to keep quiet about him on thundercats and gets on it but it wont go

then it jumps and he flies off and peck triues again but orse spazzes out and throews him

so he keeps trying and then we see the posse coming to the f==k town and buck running from being in this chicks place he was b0ning

the posse catches some of the hennesys and heston slaps 1 arouynd to say whewres buck

they rope em up and walk em away from the woemna dn children to probably skinn them and forece feed them their own skin

they are all tieds togetehr with their legs out, like a human spider, but not a human centiuprede

then as the heneneyss are being deboned we get more peck on da horse

the horse gopes in da barn then out,m then they cut to the smae scene but wskipping a few mins and the horse runs by

good trick to not have to do it in 1 take

so then he masters the horse and back on the f-=-k town, the henenesyzs are being either beat or b0ned in da barn and buck watches from a safe zone and comes out after the posse leaves

later its night and major dad tells peck he had to do it as the henneeyss wont leisten to reason

teacher comes in and dad sez he kkeeps offering her money but she turns it down

peck goes to see blonde in a dress that hot for the 40s but covered up today and he sez he poked around da farm all day

major dad introduces pooeck and he dances with bkllonde then dad dancer with her and she worries he might move away and she dont wanna be from dad and preck

then scuzzy the snowman burl ives comes in looking devolved and has a ghun liek all normal americans and its revealed hes a hennesy

scuzzy sez hes here as even though 3 of his boys were beat by 20 of majors, and wants to buy land to cut off his cows from water, but is really mad as major busting on to his land and scaring his people and aniamsl and weomen

so he gievs majoy a gunand dares him, then turns an d shows his back ashe leaves and major dont try anything

heston checks the gun and its loaded and later its hneeysey f==k town and buck chuk sees scuzzy

scuzzy is mad at the boys for hassling majoyrs homie and buck sez he was with the tracher and making out as they cant have b0ning in the 50s

scuzzy dont buy it but when he does he is glad and thinks he can use it to stop majpr

so beck goers out and mexico tells the dad and blonde and they wanna find where he went and foollow

wait its only dad major and hestion makes out witrh blonde but she didnt consent and fights him off and he goes and she crys

so the pecker goes to this house by a green place with living trees and this possible womangets a gun and sneaks around

as pack looks aroudn this rottred place, she aims at him and tes to put hius hands up but recognizes him andhe's fallen through the floor

peck reveals he didnt get lost as he had a map and copmpass like in zelda and she reveals hr grandpa had partires in that slum house and i think its teacher

they hang out and back at the home, the heston better known as moses from the 10 commandments of the apes  where they eat [people, hasnt found him and bl;onde is p-ssed

at teachers farm they talk and he reveals he was on ol thundsdr and that theres people taking bets on if scuzzy or major will wack the other

peck sez on da sea 2 sides bet on if they could save a guy but the sharkes got him and they figured more was saved than lost

she tells o how commanches put people in the gound upm to their necks in rted ant hills anfd the music covers her words but you can still read her lips and peck blacks out and she uses well water to revive him

he blacked out from a story of bugs eating people alive? he is a candya55!

i joke about naecro filia and inbreeding and cannibalism and poop

so he and teacher ride out and see a water thing and she sez da land from her fams from the king of spain

theres a river that both heneneus and majors farms need and if she sells then its war over it

peck wants to get into ranchinmmg and she ses u need 100 miles of fencing as its a big country

thhey keep saying it

i wanna take his face... off!~

who am i? i'm spider man!

i introduce, robocop!

man, this has been 1 real cannibal holocost!

so peck wants to buy it and convinces her to do it with sayign he wonbt sell to the majoyrs lfasm

so later the heston posse is out and peck comes by and is dressed like a 1920s homie and they say they were looking for him,

he sez he was shopping for a weeding preseent and peck plays it cool

once at camp, twice i think, we layed hide and seek and we were told to not go more thn 10 steps in da woods

so i didnt care and want4eder to a stream and put rocks in it, they were searching but didnt like it

peck gets back and heston sez he was lost and peck denies it and peck offers a fight

pecksez they are gambling for the blonde and heston sez peck isnt good enuff for blonde

peck sez they are playing by pecks rules and not with guns or fists and heston leaves

i guess it was a b0ning contest

aka mma

so oeck asks blonde if she cares where he went and she b--ches about others thinking hes a cadndya55 and he sez he dont care what some c-ck sucking butt f--=kers think and she gets p-ssed

he sez hes moving into town and she sez its good as they need a break, well he sez the break line but the feeling is mutual

we're half way through, 2 hours with the adds

felt like not that long

later the preck sees the heston at nigth andthey DON'tT play the brokeback mountain theme

he sez hes leaving at sun up and peck sez him saying goodbye to heston would need more room than this shack

again; would be different with the brokeback mojntain theme

so they go out and its clearly day but tinted to look dark and they go out to the field andpeck sez to kep this quiet

so eventually they fight and in 1 shot pecks on his knees and in the next cut, hes standing

so moses fights mengele and and pecks shirt had blood on it

heston stands up and his ki starts risuijg andf the ground starts blowing awaY FORM IT, THEY HE STARTS GLOWING AND AWAKENS HIS TRUE POWER AND phazes to peck and grabs him by the head, he liffts him up as peck spazzes out and heston crushes his head in with a grip

jk really they beat on each other and in a non brokeback way, heston sez "u talke a long toime to say goodbye" and peck sez "im finished if you are" andthey end it and peck sez "ewhat did we prtove??"

so then its real day and heston and his posse gop out as heston sez its majors orders to chase thirsty cattle from water to stop hennesy

1 dont feel right of it but heston sez "just follow orders" like with candya55 trudeau or the sovciets in the ussr

the buck of chuck sees the heston homies riding in and firing in the air and the cattle scastter

buck tells heston off and heston sez to tell scuzzy his cattle had theuir last water form there

so scuzzy the snowman looking kinda devolved is p-0sses they didnt fight the 20 guys who outnumbered em and that the cows wont last 2 days in this dry spell

scuzzy wants his boys to get the majors men from the river and wants to get the tracher for his plan as buck is gay for her

teacher comes by the makor farm andwants to see peck but hes gone and she sees blond

blonde is smoking from faegs she got in the east andis friends with teacher

she sez pewcks not the man she remembers as he backed down from heston who called him a liar and didnt go on ol thunder and let the duke boys i mean hennesy bnoys hasle him

teacher sez peck was on ol thunder and blonde dont know sh-t

they ask mexicoo and he sez peck didnt but teacher sez "wehy'ds he ask you to lie" and he sez "cuz he didnt want anyone to know

so he realizes it and reveals da trooth and teacvher sez peck dont want people to think hes a show off

blonde is bummed and thinks peck is a decievber and might not want him but teavher sez peck bought her rtanch for her as a weeding preesent

so teavher rides back and imagine if sdhe was the teacher from the anime prison school?

llater peck stops by teacvhers place and sezhe dont wanna keep da farm aand teacher tris to talk him outta ditching blonde and not to end it over 1 misunderstanding

peck sez its more than that and she admits she dont know much on love and peck wants to have da farm again

later the blonde future wie who was into a guy played by a greg and in a love trianggle wioth a pro America actor played guy, tpotally not da room, comes by to retuirn his dads guns

she tries tyo win him back and sez she was worried of him when he was out and everyone but her knew he rid ol thinder

he sez he had to prove it to himself and not to his woman and she sez she dont understand

she hugs him saying she loves him andknowes of her weeding preeseentee but peck sez her bouyght it to give bnoth sides fair watyer and she b--ches out and spazes around insulting him

i have experience with women and can confirm they can flip at the drop of a hat

so then the teavcyer was caught by the jill hennessey hang and scuzzy the snowman sez hes doing this to get major over and ice him as she let major run her cows off i mean his cows off from water and 24 bit it

shge sez she never aproved andhes doing this against his teaching abut he needs to

also he wants her to marry back dooor buck and her responce reveals bucky barnes was lying

so scuzzy wwants her to sell the ranch to him and she signs it but scuzzy thinks somethings up as teavher didnt sell her ranbch b4

she sez she already sold it to peck and they think hes blondes future husbannd but she sez its not real

buckk rogers offers her whiskey and scxuzzy sez what happens tomorrrow is on her

she goes to a room andif this were a disney movie she'ds sing here

at night scuzzy readys rope he wanted to use on majotr and WHEN sghes sleeping, bucko comes in

hius naME IS UCK AND HE LIKES TO F--K!

he gets on her and smooches woc with out consent as sgheresists, but scuzzyt comes in and kicks his candy a55

so bucik snaps anmd goes rifleman on him and jams the gun in his mouuth and blowes his head off!

jk realy he stranghles him but pulkls off and scuzzy sez someday he's gonna haveta kill him

imagine if as punishment for b0ning w/o consent, he started b0ning his sdon as he screamerd and his butt gave out and he died?

so majoy and his groods go tosave tyeacher but hestoin sez its an ambush but major dont care

they should have more men but they idnt come and majoty wants to go in

peck wants to go in to solve this w/o violence but major sdez he'd cap peck if he goes in

peck sez loud in front of ewverryone that majo=r edont are about teacher but to taKE OUT HENNESSEYS

MAJOR MINOR LETSHESTON AND mexico go in and heston thinbks hennessey will wacvk em

peck goes in these white stone walls, probably made witrh silt flowing from noahs floor, and theres snipers from the hennesseyys readyt tyo j f k him like harambe

so peck makles to to the shed and meets scuZzy the snowmAN AND sez hes here to bring her home

peck sez he owns the ranch and will let scvuzzys cows have his water

scuzzy has the buck hole search him and finds furling pistols from his dad and the sdeed

scuzzy wantsrevwenge for something mAJOR did aND PECK SEZ SCUZZY AND MAKOR ARE THE SAME AND onlytt fighting a fued that is sucking others in

teacher sez shes visiting for a few days and didnt tell anyone andwhen the peck tells her people will bite it if she dobntr come,she actys like she dopnt care

she is clerarly lying andpeck wants to bring her back but scuzzy sez peck is trying to stop a fight thats not his

tyeacvher wants pewck to go but when buck slaps her, peck goes ss2 and fighhts buck

bucxk is gonna cap peck but scuizzy fires near him and sez "dont fire on unarmed men"

buck wants to give pecxxk a gun and pexck consents and thery haVE A DUIERL WITH PISTOLS DES[ITE BUCK WANTING TO USE HIS QUOCK DSRAWQ

good f can you dier already caps lock? you are not wanted!~ so get f'd derad by amn aics bag

hestondont wanna go in cuz they might not need to and this gee haad will cost em half their men

majoyrthinks es yellow and will go w/o him but none of his men cosent

he rises inwithout any of them

imagine if he saidf hed cap any who dont wanna go and 1 guy sez "u cant kill all of us" and he sez" i can trey" AND STREDS EM WITH A GATLING GUN

P-SS Off caps lock! die and go to h-ll

so hrston rifdesup and follows majopyr ANDHIS MEN FOLLOW major to h e double soviet france

peck faces da buckand scuzzy has clreaned the guns from 10 years of not being used, like ba rocks d0ng

he sez to taske paces, ready and fire and if any fires b4 the signal, he caps em

rthewy do so but right b4 fire, buck fires and nicks pecks head

b4 scuzzy finisheds him, buck queers out and hides amndv peck shoots the ground

scuzzy spits on h8m ands bck bonners grabs a guys gun to sneak attac k like f--kin starscream

so scuzzy gets him in where his womb wouyld eif men could have those

eventually he goes to h-ll and scizzy sez "i told u! i told u i'd do iot!

dont worry, hes out col.d, but he's gonna nbe ok, he just needs some rest, the gbllet missed his organs, i see his parachutes

so scuzzy hiugs his evil son andpxck and teavjher rides off

so makor isanago and his droogs ride in and the snip[ers cut the rope with a big black acxe and the way out is blocked by a spuiked log like in a zelda game

then the sniperds start rarambeing the men and moses takes a bullet

hes ok though as hes a bada55 and scuzzy rides up tothe peck and sez peck was right and this is between him and makor

they come in and scozzmo sez cease fire and calls ouyt major for one last death battle like in transformers the movie with opritmus prime and megatron

major comes up and scuzzy gets his ridle and they go to fight

scuzzmo has hi jeans up to his rip[s oiver his beer guy like hes my gf or something

they get in range and cap each otehr and when the guys come in, they see em lying together frtom a good overhead shot

so they ride back and overlook the big country and its got some green andteacher and ben hur looim at each other as hes the omega man and we see texct sayiong the title over the vast wasteland

the end

that was quite good

its an epic and totally doesnt feel like 4 hours with adds

its got ghood acting and action and not much violence but good feel and setting

its often slow but doesnt drag and takes in the esxpance

good story of characters growing and changing as it goes on and peck being a subtle bada55 whoisn';t always mowing down 80 people in 80s mins like commando

ore samma could telll peck and the non blonde would get togweether

it holds up although ore samma dont know what year this is

its pretty deep and has good camera work and style but i wonbder how this would be as a 20s film like bwith the 20s ben hur

For The Big Country 02 I want it to be about the blonde being tough and rising to mastyer the new role as head of the farm andgradually falling in love with heston who wins her over with being an allpha male who's cool and bada555 and good with as gun. Also its a 32/64 biit dating sim gamme on ps1, Sega sATURN n645 AND pANASONIC 3do whhere you play as the blonde and dec8de between whgich of the several guys into you to marry. Also are mini games of her taking showers and training with a rifle and managing the farm