The Texas Rangers Review

 Noite; I spell like a taxas

thr Texal rangers

this is my review on The Texas Rangers form the dfistant future year to The Marquis De Sade of 1951(60 ywRS BEFORE Robotech Season 01)

Its directal by Phil Karlson weho did Kansas City Confidential/Ben

It stars boy George Montgomery from Black Patch, Gale Storm from Scream Wait thats Gale Weathers or w./e, this opne was in Tom Brown's School Days, Jerome Courtland from Santa Fe, Noah Beery Jr. from The Mark of Zorro/Of Mice and Men/ Sergeant York/7 Faces of Dr. Lao/The Rockford Files, John Litel from the 50s Scaramouche/Outpost in Morocco/Key Largo/Santa Fe Trail/The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse, Douglas Kennedy from Life With Father/Adventures of Don Juan, John Dehner from Bambi/Tulsa/the 50s Scaramouche/Plymouth Adventure/Apache/the 60s The Twilight Zone/The Andy Griffith Show/The Boys from Brazil/Airplane II: The Sequel, Ian MacDonald from White Heat/Apache, John Doucette from Outpost in Morocco/tyeh RTobe/Desty/Cleopatra/7 faces of dr lao/big jake, Jock Mahoney from Santa Fe/joe dakota, and soem 1900s guys i bnever sayw in sh-t

i never saw this but its 74 mins so on grit its gonna have nearly an hour of adds to fil, it to 2 hopurs

so after logo we see its in color nd poroper fullscreen withought those candya55 black bars eating the top and bottom, then theres crerewdits

duing the 9 years the carpet baggers f'd the south afte trhe alleged civil war, things weere f';d and texas was pretyty mad max with raisders and thgis fishgman named sam bass was robbing trains and wacking fufes

also fisher and john gainer and david were basically wasting guys and straling and probably b0ning people

oh and the sundance kid was there and there was a good oby  and john and these guys shot each other and 1 bullet hits a guy standing around like a dumba55

1 guy was shot at and is caught and the daughter of the geezer who got it sez she wants him strung up

so now the texas rangers who were there b4 the alleged civil war are called back and these formar confederates kick candy a66

normally these movies would have a wall of text to read like star wars ort transformers the movie but here it shows it, and its kinda a big exposition dump iof "heres this guy, and this guy, and this guy"

in video games they often show the 4 emperors talking at the start and you face em 1 at a time

so bass and the crooks meet to work together and team up to kick human a55

we can do any thing when we do it to ge ther

so the rangers were stopping em and now they wanna form an injustice guiid to take over Texas

1 guy sez bass shouldnt be leader so bass caps him and no one esle challenged him

like with galvatron icing starscream

so da governer is p-ssed that bass is f ing them and iced 30 good men and does hit and run atttcks where he nails 1 xcounty and then anotherr days latyer

they got less than a month or the gobveronrs gonna be f'd at the pulls and sez the texas rangers can do w/e they need to stop em

this is going judge dredd

so later the lawe enforcement had 2 guys in a water pit and beat their hands to keep em from climbing up as punishment as they knew how to deal with these animals back then

ranger head meets the torturted guy and reveals he was a big time platoon leader but after the war, his fam was iced and he became a raider

he has 23 years left in his sentence and the max life anyone had was 10

so this guy gets a chance to tak on bass as he's knowing of all the trailes the outlaws use and can be a texas ranger like walker and a full pardon

oh butch cassiddy is in this

so he accepts and when watching this, my dad noticed a phone of the wall which might work as eugenist alex g bell made the phone in the mid 70s and this is around a decade after the war

also my dad struggles to understand how this is not connecterd to the paul walker butch cassidy and the sundance kid movie, so i tried to explain it as how the sdouglass fairbanks zorro is not connectedf to the antonio bandaras zorro

then agaiun, he thuinks oprimus prime from transformers and optimus primal from beast wars is the same guy

so tyhe inmnate is jonnie and was the fastest ghun in texas and goes to the rangers who dont seem to accept them

oh one is b0ner i measn bonner and they gets uni=formes

go go texas rangera

they find a body of a ranger and a note saying thy have more ammo and to keepm sending em bodies and theres a chick theres whos a publisher of a newspaper

she dont like giving convicts a chance as her dad was iced by them and she never forgavbe them

\the head sez to give em a chance butshers kinda b--chy as she dont trust em and sez if tyhey depend on outlaws, they might as well elect sam bass sherrif

after she leaves to write my immortal, the team looks over the map and plans an attack as bass has blocked the trailesa

b0ner wants to put hot meat in his mouth as trheres a cookoung outdoor  but 1st they swear an oath to texas

bonner sez he send jonny some letters and he didnt get em and thought bonner tuirned on him

bonner is his bro and took another name to get in da rangers and oh wait, bonner is there b4 and the guyn i called bonner was buck or w/e

so the newsmpaper, being the enemy of the peapele, prints things against the texas good guys and 2 kids play like bass and his droogs

so bass and the boys come to da bar and its in waco and are gonna do a bank job, as oopposed to a b-00b j0b or a n0-se j0b, where an elephant thrunks ur b0ner

chcik tells off bass and sez to beat it but wehen subdance kid comes by her, she grabns one fo their guns to murder him

he takes her downand they find jonny is a ranger and she storms out

they read her paper like with backdoor bradly aka manly brad leaking the secrets and the bad guys wanna be ready for jonny

thery polan on j fking the guys as thery come in and as buck and jonny come up, buck thinks about his oath

jonny wants to take outsundance and sundance has it in for jonny but buck sez "we swore on the Good book" but jonny dont care

we're only 40 mins in? that felt like nothing, but this has a number of adds, like how in Degrassi:joey Jerermiah sez: He's so dumb it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

sp tyhe jonny and the buck go to the bar and are suspect of barkeep

these 2 giuys hassle em and when they atteck , the rangers cap 1 and grill the other for where bass and sundance went b4 wendign him like with rtei in hokuto no ken

so sundance is at the tleepgrtah tleegtrapjh telegraph office and hears the rangers are heading north for hima dn took out the goons

as jonny ND BUCK hed on, the buck sez he fianalkly used a gun with a clear conscience andjonny sez theys followed and hide

when he gets there they come out and its a ranger who sez wait i think its bonner and sez the master sent him to tell them sam wAS in the wacko

jonny dont trust things and suspects bonner is there to keep an eye on him and buck tests his gun by shoting the dots on the i's on a sign bnut b0-ner i mean bonner does it perfect as buck is a bit higj

so as the 3 go on, su nda cetrys to j fk em and misses and they take cover by rocks

jonny goes up on hortse and jumps off thern takes cover by a dead wood tree

he trhows a rock and crawls on and sundance lost his target and jonny sneaks on him and has him at gunpoint

jonny sez he could let sundance hjave it inn the back like sundance did him andthats too easy

he lets sundancxe take off his belt and is gonna sent him to jail to be b0ned and waterboarded but sundance pullsa piece and is capped

jonny is gonna quit nd break his oath as hes a loose cannon cop who dont play by the rules

he got his reventge and dont care about dsa people and bonner arrsts him at gunpoint and buck wghos real namer iif budff but imma cla;l;l him buck sides with bonner assnd takers his firearms

they bring sundance kid in to do 30 years in solitary in dantes infers cuz he's f---kin dead

the bass boys hear and are gonna do sh-t and go by thisd trtail and eventually the good guys come by

oh and b0ner dont know the trailes but bick does

so they drink and the bad guys harambe them and bonner is capped throwinmg jonny his gun

they bad guys get away and jonny goes after em but rides back to help brother bonner

bonner took a hit for jonny and its not so bad as people were tougher in the 1800s

bonner wants to go on but jonny wants to get him help and bonner sez its getting dark on a clear day

he wants to go by carver not bonner as its jonnys name and man bonner steethn are really good for the 1800s

so eventually he bites it and nowe the fire of ambition and anger blooms in jonnys heart wlike with kenshiro and shin

so the master sez bonner was the rteasoj jonny was let out and it was bonners idea to use ex cons and headmaster knew the whole time

the texas ranger are gonna be mmoving out even though the bass isnt caught

so the bank is being refilled with money and theres armed guards only there to deliver and the bass holes are ready to pounce

jonny sees the bad guys talking and hears what room they are in

in that room they talk about how they didnt ice the good guys despite being 5 on 3 and an ambush

spounds like guardian angels

they see jonny going to the sherriuf and are gonna cap buim but dont weant the lawe on them and give awy their position

jonny tells the sherrif the bassians are in town and the law is out and the bad guys watching say "we'd giebv him aces and 8's, derad mans hand"

ewven though i think wild bill bit it after this tyakes place

so the bad guys come to da bank and open fire on it and jonny takes the money and holds the sherrif at gunp9oount, thern skips town on his horses a55 as the bassies come in

the headmaster hears jonnie stiole the dough and thinks the papers will have a field day for it and he puts out an APB; jonnie wanted dead or alive

buff meets jonnie and reveals he did it to keep the money from the bad guys and is gonna use it to get in their trust to bring em in

like backdoor brad faking being a rightie

buff sez the american gov is givbing Texas 1 million $$ in gold or w/e and is comming in

so jonny goes to the towen and chiock asks him questions on how it feels to be a p o s and traitor and he sez; udf be better w/o printers ink on da face" and she slaps him

counter pucnh! nail her!

he sees outlas and goers off to a bar and eats chicken as bass comes in

bass wants to know why he took the dough and he ses its to talk to him w/eo shooting and tells him of the million onn the train

they liusten to him and let him tell his side saying he did anything to get outta jail and buff isnt his homie now

they ewant the bank money and he gobes em 2000 $ and tells of the secret train thing, but not all of it so they dont ice him

the baDDS PLAY CARDS AND JONNY goes to this placxe to be cleaned up but after he goes, the guys tyail him

jonny tells a kid to bring his horse there anhe goers off as the badds follow him and he tells the buff of the bank job i mean train job

so later jonny gets back and sez he had a bath and the badds bring in buff

he sez he gave buff a chgance to join em but he turned em down

bass dont wanna lweave any loose ends and has buff iced after jonny asks to save him

its like in T Men how that T Man was iced after being found out he was an agent

so jonny goes to the chick and fakes a fight as cover and sez to tell the rangers about the tain job as the telegraph line is watched

he smacks her and smooches her and storms out saying he'd do it again if she wriotes his name in the paper

the kid tells chcik to trust him and she does and tells the rangers and seems to be falling for him

also her nepheew the kid whos kind of a cr-ppy actor is kjonns biggest fan

so the badds are gonna nail the train as its moving b4 getting to the spot the army is and give a signal of 2 whistle blasts

jonny volunteers to go on da train and be the 3rd man who helps unlink da train and the badds getta signal saying the towen is full of rangers

shift into turbo! lets rocket! go galactic!@ lgith speed rescue! time for time force1 wild axis!

as as da train goes by da curve slowly the riders get on and cap the driver

jonny unlicnks the cart and when he goes up trhey shot him in the arm as they knew hes against em

he catches himself in the train gap and climsb around and caps 1 guy b4 getting shot in the hand

we see the hand blow oipen and its bada55

he fights anothert gbuy and wait io think the toehr guys hand was blown open

he fights the other guy and nearly winds uip in an oven but steam blasts the guy in the facxe, which in rewal life woiuld make it cook

wait i think it was his hand the jonnies

so the bad guys chase the tain and the pinkertons fire on em and jonnie uses the distress signal

the rangers come running and the bad guys have a showdown

so after a grapple he puts the gun to the gjys lefty intestine and blows him out and the badds ahve a showdown with the rangers

backdoor bassgets on but jkonny caps him a few times and sends him to h e double soviet california

so jonny is a hero and the bass gang is in h-ll and chick now loves him and writes a good story about it

he smooches her and the kid, who is into shooting and killing, is turned away but looks at em and makes gun sounds

guess shes over him wacking her dad

the end

ythsats a pretty good gilm

i liked it

nice actoin and style

goes by at a good pace

nice stopry and acting

good writing and twsaits

its well dfone and golds up

and its got a good story of a bad a55 turning good

i like dit

Plus its pretyty clean and wholesome and likable wioth some bada55 moments

For The Texas RANGERS 2 I want the brother of bass to come forjohnny and want revenge on him for wacking bass, so its a battle between johnny who is the new leader of the Texas Rangers and bass witrh hishis group of waste land warriors who are openl;y cannibal and feed on their victims. Also its anb 8 bit Srpg like Shining Force on Sega Game Gear and Master System, Nes and Gamne Boy, TG16, Atari Jaguar and Lynx where you play as the Rangers and figfht off the enemies on a grid battle system and get exp to level up aand the cannibals devolve into wendigoes from too much cannibalism as bosses.