Tuesday, April 30, 2019

The Shock Review

Note; i spell better than calefornia does anything
the shock
this is my review on the shock from the distant future year of 1923
its got lon chaney who usually plays cripples who sacrifice themselves to sav the chick they love
its also got walter long who was gus in birth of a nation
its directed by Lambert Hillyer who also did the 1943 batman serial
and base on a story by william dudley pelly who was into some freeky M Bison stuff
so it starts in chinatown in soviet san fran sicko in a mandarin cafe of vice
lon chaney is there and is a bada55 who is called dangerous
in the cafe he gets a message i think in morse code to go to queen anns
he gets out on crutches as he always plays disabled guys
he goes to the evil underworld queen anns place who rules things there and is sent on a mission to fallbrook
man, young lon chaney looks like lon chaney jr
fallbrook is near there but dont have as much crime
while there he starts softening and made a friend whos a nice chick
for once in his life hes happy
also she helps him come to terms with his disability
but he hasnt told her of his crime past
but she dont care as we can make a good future irregardless of an past
she gives him a book called "right thoughts" which nowadays would be politically correct sodomy
she gave him her moms bible
and gives him hopeful positive words
so the chick's dad is the leading banker in town
also he dont like lon chaney
later lon chaney goes to see the chick but she has a bf and it tears him apart
he starts to leave but she catches him and chats
bf's dad owns the general store
lon looks bummed and has given up
he was a great actor
you can really see it in his face how hes all busted up
oh and chick is engaged to bf
lon supports bf as he wants chick to be happy
but if he dont, lon's gonna b0ne him dead
at night dad gets a call from queen anne and she knows hes been stealing from his bak for her
she tells him not to run as shes got a guy there for weeks
and when the bank examoner comes, he's going to jail like how he sent her there years b4
dont drop the soap
lon is conflicted as he dont wanna f up the girl he likes but cant go against queen anne as she'll have him wacked
lon goes over to da bank and tells dad he works for queen ann
but b4 he can say anymore, dad knocks his dead a55 out and runs off
meanwhile, chick worrys abotu dad and goes to da bank
but lon woke up and set up dynamite and is trying to get out b4 it blows
but he's crippled so its rough
he gets out but sees chick and bf there and it goes off and the wall crushes her
bf digs her out and everyone in town comes by
chaney is busted up over what he did to her, the only one who was nice to him
bfs dad tells him to dump her and dr tells lon that she's crippled
unless she gets surgery
also dad wants to use lon chaney to his advantage
he tells lon he knows lon did it to save him
and he wants to see queen ann
dad was gonna marry her but he found out shes a b--ch and outed her to the cops
now she wants revenge
10 years ago she tricked him to sign stuff that could send him to jail
she black maled him and he had to pay and to pay he stole from da bank
cuz the bank blew theres no bank evidence
but he needs to get the documents back from queen ann so they wont be used against the chick
lon agrees to take on the evil queen elisabeth i mean ann out for him
meanwhile, the papers say a surgeon is coming for chick and her dad faces ruin
chick goes to get surgery and lon returns to queen anne
she grills lon over how the bank blew and how the daughter is gonna recover
and how hes happy
she sez shes gonna f up his daughter to get to dad
btw this queen ann is pretty evil
no redeeming traits
shes just bad to the bone
like the witch in the wizard of oz
or megatron in transformers
nowadays we can't have female vilians unless its got a girl fighting her
plus in soviet canada, women weren't considered persons under the law until after sound movies came in
but here a strong and evil woman isnt usually what people think of being a thing in the 20s
so lon looks for the documents in queen anns place
he finds a vault behind a picture and in a hidden passage comes queen anns men
lon cant get to the box its in cuz hes crippled and its too high
meanwhile bf breaks up with chick
lon gives up and uses a phone to call bf and tells him to meet him at the mandarin cafe after midknight
queen anns men tell her about lon and she sez to not interfere as she can she this
later at da cafe he tells bf he needs him to reach the safe
he dont care as he dumped her but lon makes him as hes a p o s candy a55
at da cafe queen ann has her goons get them
qeun an wants bf to call chick down there for her to f up
lon trys to stop em but hes criplled and cant
he still tries like with ironhide clinging to megatrons leg in the transformers movie
she tells bf to say lon was in an accident and for her to get in a cab
he tells her and she comes
she tells chick her dad ruined her life and now shes gonna take it out on her
and its cuz of lon she has her
she orders chick to be taken to her place until she comes and lon attacks but gets his dead a55 kicked
chick is taken away and lon prays for a miracle
then then God smites san fran sodom with an earthquake and the house chick nearly went into goes into the sea off a cliff
good effects showing the city f--king out
lon celebates as they all go to h-ll
then comes the flames
but somehow lon survives and recovers from getting crushed in a building
just like wat happened with the girl
the film ends with lon and chick together outside and on can walk again
i guess getting crippled 2x uncrippled him
like how a negative X a negative make a positive
or 2 wrongs make a right
the end
that was really nice
and for once, lon chaney gets a happy ending
9/10x he bites it and norman kerry or whoever the other guy is gets the girl
but this is the odd one out
i liked this
good simple story
good effects
good acting
good characters
the bad guy is a woman and has no redeeming values
even in anime they usually give the bad guy some god past or something like in wedding peach or sailor moon
here its more like cutey honey how the bad guy is just bad
lon chaney is great as always and the other characters fill their parts well
it doesn't show much of lon as a bad guy and goes right from intorducing him to reforming him
but it works
plus its only like an hour long
check this out if you can
and put it on the history channel
its set in 1906
for the shock 2 i want lon and the girl to have a family but it turns out that queen ann has survived and is a torso and head with spring and gear limbs connected to her and giving her some movement. she wants revenge and wants the chick's limbs for herself. so she sends her minions to catch her/ but lon is now more than recovered from his crippilage and is big and buff like hulk hogan. as is the chcik. they fight their way through waves of queen annes men in the partly rebuilt ruins of san fran sicko and work tehir way to her hidden lying base.its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis and snes and turbografix16 and atari jaguar and gba and you play as either lon or the chick and beat people up.

Saturday, April 27, 2019

Carnosaur Review

note; my spellings is as good as this film is reviewed
this is my review on carnosaur from 1993
its a mockbuster made to capitalize on the popularity of Jurassic park
it came out just before it and I think made money
its by roger corman who's awesome and stars no one I heard of
oh wait, clint howard is in it
after quick credits and title, we get credits to chickens in a factory and dna cr-p
so this is based on a novel just like Jurassic park
written and directed by adam simon
Is his middle name Samuel?
a s simon
so then people in a dark power rangers like room r talking about some chick who is god at science and wiped out a species or something
hope it was dogs
they s-ck
then years ago she vanished
her contract gives her undisturbed secrecy and shes working on someyhing
btw his film its fullscreen so to top and bottom cut off by black barz
then in the chicken factory these guys are working on cr-p and this chick watches em on camera
they go in da chicken cage room and 1 chichen was eaten and has a huge a55 egg
it hatches and w/e came out sliced his face like ice dragon in dbgt
spoiler; chickens are vicious
they can skeletonize a mouse in seconds
in the 60s my mom was a kid in soviet Poland and this chicken tried cutting her up
she still has a scar
my grandma took its head off and they ate him
plus chickens are cannibals
when my dad was a kid on the farm, if a chicken died in the coop, the next day, picked clean!!
I had an idea for a law and order ep where they ice this guy with a soft tissue injury and put his body in the chicken coop
by the time the cops get there; no evidence
just a pecked skeleton
then they feed the chickens to the victims family!!
so the chickem factory has lockdown but 1 delivery guy gets through against orders
driver stops to check on em and gets iced by whatevers in there
good music and feels
its like prom night 4
then this rdneck/hippy is drunk and hears noises
redniekc; I got a gun and cant shoot for sh-t
he goes out, shoots, comes back , snipers something and finds its some blonde chick
he calls da cops and cops are busy at the drivers body and think it might be a bobcat who got him
bubsy no!!
later at an autopsy I think, this dr sends a wound sample in da mail to a guy
next day redneck fell asleep and the blonde got away
they find her at this wasteland area and redneck sezs she's not here
later this guy is having guys look for the thing that got out and his teen daughter/sister/wife or whatever goes out with her bf
lusty teens?
well that's the end of them!
so later blonde sez thanks to redneck for not outing her and gives him a friendship item
she sez her name is thrush and used to be ann
is this mad max?
or like captain planet with wheelers friend trish going by trash?
she goes on about dinosaurs and evolutionism
even though when you weigh the facts on both sides, creationism makes more sense
she's also an eco hippie who defends da urth from da evil corporations
how original
so the lusty teens drive drunk and nearly drive off a cliff
drunk lusty teens?
they totally aint gonna be in the sequel!
so 1 teen goes out to p-ss and the others b0ne in the car
then they all get shredded by the monster
turns out its a dinosaur
well here its not a theme park and the dino comes to the humans and not the other way around
so its not exactly like Jurassic park
deep blue sea is closer
so driver was tested for diseases and dna and its a match for chickens
killer chickens?
better than killer shrews
so the workers are out driving and 1 has a bada55 scar now
then redneck meets blonde and offers her a lift back
she rejex it but when he sez he's gonna be driving around if she don't she consents
so then they see the teen who was chopped up
wait, hes a Mexican
the workers find the thing but use a real gun instead of a dart gun
then it wastes em
they use a puppet for the monster and it looks better than cgi today
later dark room guys are eating pie and 1 guy sez the pie can stay fresh on a shelf for 18 months
so main dark room guy sez to keep the info down as he's almost got a senator to back down on regulations and a chicken attack scandal would f em
of he's feeding the senator pie
 then the chick (I think the scientist mentioned at the start) tells this probably mentally ret-rded guy his daughter is here and alive and he goes into a foggy red strobe light room
theres a strobe light and this huge t rex is there and it eats him
also is a laser grid to keep him in it
the t rex effect looks like in pee wees big adventure
then redneck sees a buncha hippies on the construction equipment and they don't wanna move
but its night and they wont start using em until daylight
he lets em stay and warns em against bobcats
get em bubsy!!
later redneck I think is at a diner and the people talk about the attack
1 guy sez its not a bobcat as they don't eat people and the driver had his eyes eaten like birds do
at the diner is this pregnant couple and 1 guy sez a he knew of guy who kept talking about something (I cant make out what he said as hes eating) with his heavily pregnant woman and when the baby was born it had antlers
then at the construction site this dinosaur eats the hippies on the vehicle
1 guys face is bit off and cuz the hippies and handcuffed to it, they cant get away
its good and gory
take that u tree suckers!
1 guy's hand is stuck on the chain he trapped himself on the truck with
redneck comes back and everyones dead
the gore effects are actually cool
a dr tells cop that the killings are the same as the driver
its the same animal but each attack is deeper
its growing fast
also blonde somehow survived and is in rednex trailer
then the dino attacks
she shoots it with his gun as she's not such a hippie after all
then redneck finds workers iced
then he brings it into the base and sez he has the thing but its out from a trank
but its really a dead guy he took back and he pulls a gun on her
he hid the body in a bag
wait I don't think its redneck'
then cop (hes really a sherrif but I say cop) goes home and its day and hes with his wife
oh and there's a fever going around and chick sez she designed it
cop cracks some eggs but they full of blood
and theres a baby dino in one
then guy who told the story goes into the chicken factory eating a piece of chicken and a dino eats his head off
cop gets a dr and he examines the baby dino
also theres a lot of guys there with the plague
chick examines a worker of hers who feels ill and her name is susan like georghes fiancée in Seinfeld
chick sez her body is an evolutionary battlefiend and her dna is being rewritten
she does some weird birthing exercises with her and susan poops out an egg
come to think of it, the plague carriers on the dr's were all chix
chick has a bunch of eggs in her room
also darkroom guy gets a buncha dna engerening forms and mad science cr-p that was never shown to him b4
they (darkroom guy and the army find the dna in the driver was a virus tm'd by that company
then I think pregnant couple come by and theres hazmat armed guards on the road saying the areas quarantined
they take her and him
chick sez da earth wasn't made for man but dinosaurs
not according to the Bible
and she wants to give it back to em
this is what happens when you teach kids evolution
and she wants to fight the evils of human progress to save the world from people
then pregnant chick poops out a dino baby
not sure a baby can have all its cells remastered in a few hours
esp when it takes 9 months to go from 1 cell to a fully formed baby
although at 5.5 months a baby can survive outta the mom
and human brains don't finish developing until around the mid 20s
so chick goes on a monologue about how bad humans are and how da urth will be better w/o em
sounds like modern day eco commies
nowadays she'd be the good guy in modern movies
so cop comes by some place at night and wants action
btw he's a black guy in a horror movie
I never saw this b4 but I;,m pretty sure hes done
oh he's looking at a break in where the dino on the loose ate a dog
dino attakcs him but he quickly turns around and caps it
in Jurassic park, Muldoon got eaten
he goes up slow to take it out but gets sliced in da gut by its leg
still did better than Muldoon
so the army plans and finds in not long the species could go out
but they have artificial wombs now as the 90s are the future
btw this virus infecting people and turning em being a threat to the planet reminds me of the sigma virus from mega man x
redneck sez he knows theres a chance to make an antivirus but she sez its too late
so he starts capping eggs and she gives him the raw viral serum
he goes down the path the ret-rded guy went for some reason and the t rex is there
he shoots out the laser grid and runs
she starts pooping out an egg and redneck goes into the vents
but the t rex starts headbutting the wall
she tears open her gut wit her fingers as her skin is that cr-ppy and a baby dino comes out of her and she probably bites it
he gets back home to blonde and its daytime and sees he still has her friendship necklace
but then its night again and the t rex is out
the sun is coming in the windows at his place
redneck goes on the radio and the jets on it say theres a t rex out
he sez that when blonde talked about dinos and evolution she sed there was a migration route there
and the t rex knows somehow and is coming this way
that don't make sense
then the hazmat guys start capping the sick
assisted suicide??
redneck gives her the raw viral serum and has her drive a forklift
wait, its a bulldozer or w/e has a front scoop
he drives 1 too
they fight it with em like ripley in aliens and he gets turned on his side
good idea of tech vs living
like beast machines did
he gets out and she saves him by busting the t rex's head with her machine
but she gets knocked out
so he fights in her machine and guts it
pretty violent
even Jurassic park didn't have dinosaurs being bloodily killed
then he takes her back in his trailer and gets a call asking if anyones alive
the hazmat guys come in and shred him with bullets
then torch him and her
what is this? night of the living dead?
oh and the serum blows
Jurassic park didn't have an ending like that
I mean yeah it wasn't happy but it wasn't dark
the end
then the credits roll but going top to bottom in reverse style
gaffer; Christopher barnes
likre Christopher Daniel batnes? the 90s spiderman??
lol the credits say to read the book
so that wasn't ad as I was lead to believe'
I mean yeah its kinda cheesey and 80s but its not a clone of jp1
also the book it was based on was written before Jurassic park
its different and in an age where every movie I the same, I like it
its not as good as Cotman directed films but its sorta like prom night 4 or something
yeah Jurassic park has better effects and writing and music and directing
but this isn't trash
Jurassic park is more timeless and this is more 80s
this took risks and had more gore for that r rating
Plus it has a female bad guy.
Not too many movies have that now
its like Jurassic park is Mario and this is socket/time dominator 1st
for jurassic park I mean carosaur 2 I want t to be 20 yeas later and a new generation has arisen. part dino part human. the humans still exist but are not as strong or fast. but they are smarter. eventually a dinoman is revealed to have developed intelligence close to man but not fully there. she wants to take over an claim her true place as leader of the dinomen and wipe out the humans. turns out; she's the kid of the chick who made the virus and has absorbed her soul after busting outta her. also thanks to advances in science, some humans have become stronger, faster and more alive than before and are close to the level of the dinomen. a force of them defends humanity from the attacks of dinomen with cyber armor that boosts strength and speed and endurance. also its a 16 bit game like mega man on sega genesis, snes, Atari jaguar and turbogafix16 where you play as either the defese force or dinomen and fight through areas to take em over.

Friday, April 26, 2019

Grandma's Boy Review

note; I spell like a civil war survoivor
grandma's boy
this is my review of grandma's boy from the distant futuristic year of 1922
its got my fave silent comedian Harold Lloyd
my fave film by him used to be a sailor made man
but this starscreamed it and is now my fave silent comedy
it was later remade as a crass adam Sodom sandler comedy in the 2000s like mr deeds but I never saw that
so it starts with the hero being 11 months old and this other bay takes his cookie
hes a candy a55 and keeps letting people walk over him
in grade school the same guy I think takes his snax
then he's 19 and still a wiener
hes haroild Lloyd and has this chick hes into
but this rival is bada55 and a bully and has been kicking Harold Lloyds a55 since they were in diapers
the only way it could be worse is if they were twins and he was beating him up in da womb!
so bully comes by, sticks Harrold in da a55 with a pin and hits on his girl
they sit down and Harold and billy hold hands each thinking its the girl
when he finds out he kicks down Harold and takes credit for his ice cream making
then starts undressing him and throwing his clothes down a well
then all of Harold goes in
but I guess its not deep as he easily crawls out
bully and girl go off and Harold follows
he goes home and his gramma has a hobo staying on her property
she sends candy a55 Harold to ge rid of him but hes too meek
so Harold sends a dog but hobo scares the dog off with a roar
he beats up haroild and gramma chases him off
Harold is feeling bummed over his cr-ppyness and gramma ghives him his granpas suit he got in 61
also girl tells bully to come over so Harold wont miss him
she just don't get that this guy is tormenting him
freekin bimbo
meanwhile, Harold accidentally burns his removable collar after nearly burning his a55 on the candle
whats with all the butt stuff?
I can imagine in the adam Samuel sandler versoin he gets a Gameboy stuffed up his butt
at night the girl has a party or we and Harold is dressed like its the slavery days
which looks normal to us in the 21swt century
and their black butler has the same outfit as Harold
so girl plays a love song to Harold and Harold accidentally gets his finger stuck in a bottle
at least it wasn't in his a55
also the family's many cats come after his shoes
guess there were crazy cat ladies in the 1900s
he cares em away with a dog statue
then he puts mothballs in his suit in the candy bowl
she then feeds him a mothball and he struggles to stay composed
 then bully shows up and eats some moth balls
when girl goes to get something they run to clean out their mouths and accidentally drink gasoline the butler was getting to a guy
after puking the bully beats up harld
then a posse comes in cuz of the hobo ruining town
he busted a window, jacked jewels, beat up a guy and capped another
this light heartyed 20s comedy just got dark
sherrif deputizes the group but runs utta badges b4 Harold
so bully gives him his badge
hobo probably is a malcontent ex ww1 soldier
like in I was a fugitive from the chain gang
probably killed a lot of good german and Austrian boys and had fun doing it
so Harold stays back at da house and the posse goes off leaving him... alone in the dark
he f's up and f's around at night stumbles about comically
he makes it home and hides in bed
da next dae hes bummed over s-cking and granny tells him a story of how his grandpa was a wiener
her story is told in flashback by hailld Lloyd playing the grandpa
I assume inbreeding was done
but in the civil war he was in the confederacy and was sent to steal general bell's code but he was a candya55
but this witch who was p-ssed off by the union gave him a  magic charm that gives him luck
he beats 2 yankees by luck accidents and gets the chutzpa to do it
btw this old confederate witch might've been ripped off by pumpkin head
so granpa knocx out a cook, takes his clothes, puts stuff in the punch and serves em
1 guy spots his confederate pants and he takes hi out with a head shot and says the drink was too strong
then again with another
1 by 1 he takes em out but the last guy catches on and they sword fight
after taking him out the boys in gray come in and he takes off the coat revealing hes one of them ands gives em the code
granny gives him the charm and its really nice
man grannys like 4'8
he goes out all bada55 and beats up a bag of cr-p he puts in da chair
then tells off a guy who nearly ran his a55 over
the guy listens as hes got the deputy sherrif badge
then a guy sez they traped da hobo but hes wounded 5 men
Harold jacks a horse and rides off like napoleon dynamite
he gets there and its a shoot out
he runs in but the rest run off
then dartz around and nearly gets his head busted in with a stick
but keeps being called out from going in by various things
he goes in the other door as theres a blicketee black cat in the 1st one and clubs out the hobo
but hoboi recovers and gets out and scares the town away and carjax a guy
so like 16 guys pile into 1 car and hang n the sides like they still do in the 3rd world and Harold falls off
but hes right wit the hobo
so he uses the charm as a fake gun and sticks him up
thy walk on and have comic misadventues like them going separate ays and reuniting or Harold making him carry him in a wheel barrel
but Harold falls out and gets a car and chases him
run his a55 over!!
Harold drives with his feet on da wheel and makes a lasso but falls out
hobo is chased by car chased by Harold
he gets back in and goes after him
hobo gives out from outrunning a freekin car and Harold ties him up
the town gives up on getting hobo but then bada55 Harold comes inwith hobo in a wheelbarrel
hobo roars and freaks em out but haroild busts his head with an item
I just realized this bad a55 bad guy who's super human in a comedy was used by mel brooks in blazing saddles
remember hum punching out dat horse?
both were beat in comic ways
so Harold gets a 1000 $ reward and the town and girl love him
then comes in the bully and he don't know of harolds victory
he f's with Harold and Harold has enough of his sh-t and stands up to him
he slugs out harold and they have a bare knuckle brawl
its like if mma wasn't a gay p0rn0
they beat on eachother like Kenshiro and raoh in the last eps of Hokuto no ken and Harold keeps getting up after being knocked down
kinda like double dragon on the sega master system where you get infinite continues
bully tries to run and goes into the upper deck of a barn and they fight and nearly fall out
then they fall out and splatter into a mess of guts on the floor
there was a pile of hay there
Harold dodges his punches like the clock king in batman tas and nails him in the butt
Harold kicks his fat a55 and finds he dropped his charm
just like in the crow salvation , he thinks his power was up and gets his a55 kicked while trying to find it
he find it and bull begs for mercy
Harold shakes his hand but he tries a sneak attack with a bucket
Harold dodges and slugs his a55 down the well
I think transformers the movie did that with optimus and megatron
but no hot rod to interfere
then gramma reveals the charm was fake and the story of granddad in the civil was all lies and it was a placebo to get the candy outta his a55
it was all him and he had the power all along
now his hidden powers are unlocked like in dbz and bully fears him
Harold has chutzpa and boldly asks the chick if she loves him and will marry him
she consents and they go off with him carrying her over rocks on the river but they fall in the water
the end
that was grand
it holds up
its better the 1st time cuz of the unexpected factor but its still and great film
Harold Lloyd is my fave silent comedian and is just good clean fun
he actually got his hand blown off in nam
and by nam I mean he was holding an item he thought was fake but really blew off a thumb and finger
he used a special glove with fake parts to cover it and I didn't know until I heard it said on tcm
this movie is solid
it works well and fits great
I showed it to my thicc gf and she loved it
its got heart and humor
what a grand experience
and its only like an hour long
for grandma's boy 2 I want the bully to break the hobo out of jail and work together to beat Harold and get back the girl. to do this they do a black magic ritual that fuses them into one body with 2x the organs and twice as thick limbs and bones. he goes after Harold but Harold has been working out and is now big and buff like hulk Hogan and is able to fight him off. so he retreats and gets a bunch of his ww1 malcontent buddies to go after him one at a time. its also a fighting game where you play as a roided up Harold Lloyd and fight various freaks from around the world who fought in ww1 from different countries involved in it on sega genesis, super Nintendo, neo geo, Atari jaguar and turbografix16.

Sunday, April 21, 2019

The Basketball Diaries Review

note; drugs are for losers. as is spelling right
the basket ball diarers
this is m review on the basket ball diaries from da 90s
its based on a book by a junkie I never read
its got Leonardo decaprio, Michael imperioli, ernie hudson and mark Wahlberg
and other dinks I never heard of
I never saw diss b4 butt I red da wikipeeda page
it starts with leo in bed and a woman praying franticly across the street
then he sez at 8 he invited God to watch the world series with him but God never showed
1st; that's not how God works
2nd; baseball s-cked
then after an a55 paddling at catholic school in front of da class, he and his 90s droogs go out for a bit o de ultra violence
they hang onto the back of a bus, harass a hotdog man and sniff napkins on a boat
someone needs to get these kids a sega
I think this is soviet new York as they have those accents
then threy go to another school to play a b ball game
they sign a ball for bobby who is either bobbys world or that little p o s from king of the hill
coach offers to help leo get a good scout to find him and go over schools
oh it is sovirt new York
they talk like joe pesci
so reos good at the b ball and his mexican homie breaks into lockers and steals during the game
the mexico looks like joey jeremiah from degrassi jr high
hes got the hat and coat
at a burger place the team orders more food than coach can pay 4 so he don't drive em home
then they fight the guys who mexico stole from
so is this like clockwork orange?
the main guys r da bad guys?
at night they're hanging out and a probably drugged up h00ker comes by offers a cheap b0ning
they dump trash on her and leeo sees his sick friend and gives him the ball they signed
sick friend is the best player on da team and his best friend
just like zeo or faust or tobey or w/e his name was in beyblade metal masters
Beyblade ripped off a movie about drugs
leo breaks him out and wheels him around at night and lets him read leoz poems
then thry go to some place where a chick takes off her clothes in a room
sick friend don't like it as I think it turned him queer so ryo takes him back
later leoz mom wants him to getta job to learn responsibility
he writes poems and worries about some psycho following him
then this big black guy comes by and plays b ball
I like the look of this film
very mid 90s
then his droogs come by and read his journal
he gets p-ssed and goes off with em to screw around in da park
they go by a cliff and mexco friend don't wanna jump
so 1 guy jumps and eventually so does mexico
b4 they jump, 1 guy tellz leo hes gota surproze
1 guy takes leo to meet 2 girls, winky and blinky
what are they? pac man ghosts??
she gives him drugs and sez it'll make him like superman
Donald trump and weird al never did drugs and would turn this down
but leo isn't as moral or honorable as em
so he b0nes the girl and writes some cr-ppy poem
he keeps rubbing is nose so I think he did blow
later he goes to da medicine cabninet and does drugs
then leo sees his sick friend who just bit it
after a b ball game in the rain (which I like torrents but not b ball) he gets into drugs at the mexicoi's basement
his mom tries talking sense into him but hes too high
then he has confession and tries to tell the priest his sins but cant get it out
after he starts a tirade the priest shuts the window as he don't want this little c-ck suckers b--chyness
after more drugs and the head priest seeing him, he has a drug fantasy of shooting up his class
wait, its just a dream
we all have crazy dreams
I often slice through people or bust their heads
later its time for sum b ball and they do drugs to get em through it
but cant tell which ate boosters or lowrers
1 homie; i'll see you in the nba
me; is that the b ball version of; see u in h-ll?
so they play  ball all drugged up and f it up
what do ja know, arcade games are right
winners don't do drugs
hitler was big on meth
now people do drugs on his birthday
so the cops don't fine any drugs but they get in trouble
so leo and droogs quit school and the team and life
1 guy stays behind
hes called neutron
is he an autoboot??
well leo's character is jim so I guess this is where jimmy neutron came from
an r rated drugs and h00kers movie
well both basketball and jimmy neutron s-ck so I guess it works
lotsa ugly a55 characters in it too
at least dexters lab was cool and fun and had babes
so 1 homie and leo are still high and are more worried about the missing drugs than their lives
he sez f u to his mom and she's had enough of his sh-t and kills him
she tells him to gtfo and he goes to da streets of new York to get b0ned
He should never have gotten into drugs
On Blue Bloods: This girl nearly bites it from an overdose. She says"I don't do drugs! I only tried it once today" Me: I don't f--k raccoons! I only tried it once today! See how much sense that makes??
later his droogs are breaking into cars at night and riding in em
the take it to a guy but da car gets toed
the guy is 1 guy's brother and breaks his arm for f ing up the deal
later they do drugs, drink and talk about their experinces
lyos mom prays for her junkie son for God to save him
later the h00ker from b4 comes by and I think they b0ned
then the guys break into an ice scram shop and eat cr-p and trash da place
mexico is drinking cr-p he made and 1uy busts his head and ditches him as da cops get him
he's gonna get b0ned dead
man they lost 3 guys from their gang
at a bar they see newtron at an all American game on tv
that could've been him
later 1 guy I think goes to see winky and blinky but they are clean now and theyre dad is there and they say they don't know him and guard kix his a55 out
later a skinhead beats up leo over not giving him back 20$ for the bad drugs he gave his gf
so leo is left to bit it in da snow and the black guy comes and saves him
he wakes up at black guys place and black guy flushes his drugs as leo attacks him
black guy sez lreo helped him b4 and hes repaying him
then loe is  jonesing an detoxing at black guys place
hes moaning and drooling and crawling around like an animal
in the real version I bet he was smearing his own waste on himself and the walls
so after that he's writing in his book but don't know what to write
he digs around and finds the key and gets out and asks the h00ker for drugs
she gives him change and tells him off and they yell at each other like pushy new Yorkers
they he meets with a 1 guy and buys some drugs
but they goy jewed and 1 guy chases the dealer with a gun across the empty streets of soviet new York
you'd think there'd be more h00kers out
and homies
they chase him to a rooftop and drug dealer falls off and Wilhelm screams
1 guy gets caught and beat by new Yorkers and da cops get him
then leeo comes home to mama like the prodigal son
but instead of wanting to come back he wants cash
he has an episode and she lox his a55 out
he also sounds sorta autistic
i'm getting gilbert grape flashbacks
maybe one of the drugs he took was a flu shot
mom calls the cops and they eventually take his cady a55 away to be put to sleep
after 6 months in jail and getting clean cold turney
later he meets his mexco homie and hes a junkie
also 1 guy got 15 years as he was tried as an adult
then leo gives a speech about the various kinds of junkies
its to a high school audience or something
then text sez leo wrote the basket ball diarieahs at 17 and at 22 did more books
he lives in soviet new York and does stuff
had he stayed clean he'd be a b ball star
the end
oh and tobey huss from king of the hill and Halloween 2018 is in here
that was pretty good
the music was good
the credits music is pretty early/mid 90s
huh, it was written by the guy leo played
good acting
good effects
good story
good 90s feel
as a 90s kid I enjoyed it
although this film is based on actual persons, events and cr-p are fiction
so its all fake?
but I liked this and watched te pg version on fox with te swearing and drug use and nude scenes removed
for the basketball diaries 2 I want him to be successful on his new book but the guy who went to jail gets out and wants revenge. he is huge and muscley after years in jail and is on roids now. he wants revenge for leo leaving him in jail and don't know leo went to jail roight after him. also he wants to get himk back on rugs and chases him with needles of chronic. its also an 8 bit platform game where you play as the jail homie and hunt down Leonardo and try to throw drug needles at him to addict him

Monday, April 15, 2019

The Winslow Boy Review

note; I like the 1900s but I don't like England. so either way I spell bad
the winslow boy
this is my eview on the winslow boy from 1948
it stars a bunch of brits I never heard of
its directed by Terence Rattigan who did a buncha films I never saw and remade a few this century
its produced by alexander korda who was good
I saw this a few times but never got around to reviewing it
its directed by Anthony Asquith who did Pygmalion
so this brit family is doing ok in soviet England in the 1900s
dad busts teen sons a55 over wasting his time and money at oxford
his tween son (now just called son) is in the naval academy, I assume to learn how to play card games on battleships
after a montage and narration of sons life at duel academy, son comes home but hes f'd out
if this were made today, he'd have been b0ned by a classmate
so a guy wants to marry dads daughter
dad grills him as his teen son plays radio too loud
so dad accepts guys bid for his daughter and they gon wed
but son (now I called boy) returns with a note he was gonna rip up
not sure how he'd keep it a secret from dad as they'd probably call him about it
hes been accused of theft of cash and was kicked out
at least they didn't crucify him like the romans
or use him for weapons testing like the Japanese
but in Canada they'd arrest the guy he stole from and call the theif as a witness if he tried anything
so boy went through h-ll for 10 days and I think they were b0ning him
probably did in the real version
dad finds out and confronts boy
he beats him til he's a pile of mush and starts eating it
really hes firm yet gentle
so dad goes to the academy to tell them his boy is innocent
later dad goes to a play or whatever they had instead of movies in the slavery days where a guy sings "who were you with last night?"
that's pretty 18+ for the 1900s
its the daughter and bf
dad is there too and he meets a guy to make a letter to the academy
he meets the higher ups and ants a civil trial
but they don't wanna open the oppertunity to let commoners sue em
dad sez as his son is a subject of the king, condemned w/o a trial, he has rights
in America, its we the people. in England its we who are subservient to the regent
wasn't this king Edward?
the obese purvo who went to p0rb0 shows and gorged on high calorie foods?
so dad sees his member of parlement and does other things to get his trial on
and has the press hear his story
later he reads the lawyer won in the paper
then has his son examined by a lawyer
he hears boys story and grills him hard
but its only to see if he's really innocent
its pretty harsh
he finds issues with the kid that make him look bad like im practicing signing signitures and flaws in his words chosen
the kid breaks down but doesn't admit to stealing
later dad finds hes burning cash
and takes teen outta oxford as its a waste
later a higher up sees a show where they sing "just, you, wait and see" and talk in rhyme about current events like the winslow boy
also dad and wife are having issues with the stress of defending their son from false accusations
so is this like a brit version of to kill a mockingbird?
I mean now with people falsely accusing anyone to get ahead or get revenge we need films like this tpo show how bad it can be
not just for the accused, but their loved ones
so the fam suffers from it and daughters future husband dumps her over it
and the maid or slave or w/e has to be let go
dad wants to end his attempts to clean his son as his daughters bf is ditching her but daughter don't care and wants to battle on
so the trial starts and lawyer sez its boys right to defend himself as otherwise it assumes the king can do no wrong
he wins the right to try the case as the gov wont block it
its the case of winslow vs the king
its like that fight where a 150lb mma fighter fought a 700lb sumo
so the trial goes on and lawyer seems to be a master of twisting the court
acting volatile one moment and peaceful the next
hes like trump a bit
but trump is manlier
also kid is cross examined and he revealed he smoked
also lawyer sez the bad lawuer will say finding the kid innocent will make England go to h-ll and the germans to celebrate
zee kaiser is cooler than the king anyway
so da next witness reveals he was court martialed at 22 for jackin a cops helmet
but he got away with it as he had homies stickin up 4 him
but boy had none and was only 13
then the handwriting expert who nailed the boy is revealed to oly do things by his own method and he was wrong b4 and nearly sent an innocent man to the noose
then bad lawyer introduces cr-ppy evidence that's basically "he looks better than him"
also its revealed that lawyer turned down the job of lord chief justice to continue the case vs the king
sounds like the king might've been using it to keep him from beating him
this was based on a play that was based on actual events
but the kid bit it in ww1 on Halloween 1914
also the trial scenes were offscreen in the play
so later dad and daughter talk and she feels it aint worth it
then this cockney chick comes in and sez winslow boy was found not guilty
also the trial and ordeal took 2 years
isnt this around the same time jack the ripper happened?
like a few years off??
dads cripply so he has teen help him walk to meet the press
also lawyer is kinda f'd out and needs brandy
the drink, not the h--ker
although naga from slayers likes 1 and looks like the other
daughter tells him she knows he gave up that cushy job to save the boy
also he hides his emotions
but cried at the verdict
that's the britz
gotta act like they don't got souls
then he and her have a smoke as he sez her feminism is a lost cause
yeah shes a feminist
but despite that hes not evil
she walks back to him and it fades to credits
I think they b0ned in the real version and they had to cut it to avoid censors
the end
that was pretty good
its over 2 hours with adds and don't feel like it
good clean 40s film
I like films set in the 1900s and this had class and kinda heart
good acting and writing
good protoculture
important lesson on how bearing false witness against ur fellow man can cause damage to those who love him
thats why theres a commandment against dat
I liked this
and its public domain so you can legally watch it for free online
or get a cheap vhs or Betamax or dvd or laser disk of it
plus its based on actual events
sorta like law and order
and show how people lived at the turn of the century
for the winslow boy 2 I want it to be him returning to the academy but the other guys there hate him for going against the king. they torment him and mo lest him and try to drive him out. eventualy he cant take it and snaps and goes berserk and mutilates one of em with his bare hands. he tears him open and eats his organs. the hunters have now become the hunted. he realizes he's f'd if the higher ups find out so he hunts down the rest of the witnesses until he's torn em apart and eaten em. also the tormentors cant tell as they'd have to admit they drove him to it. its a slasher film. aso its a 16 bit game like shadow of the beast on sega genesis, snes, Atari jaguar and tg 16 and gba and you go around as the winslow boy hunting down the teens and tearing em apart in various levels at the academy. Oh and he tries to make it look like jack the ripper is back.

Saturday, April 13, 2019

The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio Review

note; I spell like whatever year this film is
The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio
this is my rebiew on The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio
its got woody harrelson, juliane more and laura dern
its based on a true story or something
i've never seen this b4 so this is a new experience
so after a buncha logos and credits of 50s stuff
huh its got Jordon todosey from degrassi next gen
so main chaick is a monther of 10 and housewife
she submits to contests ort something to get free cr-p
later they sets up a bank thing with her husband and get a house
she wins more cr-p and dad don't ant them to keep the freezer cuz the kids might get killed in it and it'll cost power
that's 2010s thinking
not 1950s
later main chick writes slogans to win stuff
also husband goes mental over a baseball game s-cking
he beats on the freezer and goes berserk
another victim of baseball
the cops come and shred him with gunfire
they cool his a55 and leave
huh, its also got Trevor Morgan from jurass9c park III and the 6th sense and the patriot and the glass house
then a priest comes by and comforts main chick
later her husband was in a car accident and it f'd his throat for singing
no wonder hes mental
its like a painter nearly going blinde
later husband suggesrts going hunting and a girl mentions hes often at the liquor store
this f's him up and he gives main chick his cash but its not enuff for steak
he goes to work and isn't making much
later the baby cr-ps its diaper and the kids get it on their hands trying to change it
as they clean up the milk man comes by and he aint got enuff to pay
until the mailman comes by and she wins 2$ in a contest and pays him
also throughout the film are little "mini skits for the audience" where main chick talks to the watchers and tells em how things are
in this one she says how mail in things work and the lesser are weeded out
she wins a shopping spree
dad isn't glad shes outdoing him
also she wants to buy flaming yawn and prime rib
spoiler; hamburger is superior
later she does her shopping spree and gets a full kart of cr-p
btw the colors in here are sorta bluish
like its got a cooled shade over it
later they're going through her winnings and husnand takes food out of the freeezar and throws it on the lawn
you'll get coons
she don't see that her husnand is unhappy and upset
she gives her kids caviar and none want it
hope its beluga caviar
she likes it
he eats out of a can alone and she gives him better food and invites him over for the table
over da next few years she wins more cr-p
later her husband is disgruntled over their cr-ppy home
on tv is a contest to come up with words to their jignle
husnand says bummer stuff while main chick says positive stuff
good contrasting of their attitudes
later ilkman wants cash for milk but she needs more time
if she don't pay next week shes cut of
husband gets mad at her for blowing money
he tugs her or something and she falls in slo mo and the milk busts on the floor
the glass cuts her hands a bit and husband is really freaked out over it
after ghetting back from the dr and getting fixed up shes ok
husbnanf says sorry and they reconcile
later they win a soprts car and a trip to soviet new York
later 1 son steals rom some woman and gets in trouble with da cops
husbande beats the blackoff his son for it
give him the Hebrew hammer!
so she don't go to new York and son joins the army rather than going to jail and getting b0ned
I wish we brought back the whip
instead of cramming people into overcrowded jails and them getting b0ned, just give em a few lashes and move on
I mean murder and other srs crimes would get jail time
but if its like shoplifting or traffic issues, just get the whip
i'd prefer it
not that I commit crimes
I don't even drink
later another winner of a contest contesants contact her and they bond
Shes invited to this gettogether and husband don't want her to go cuz of gas costs
also 1 kid uses somewones name to win a contest
she has that kid drive her  to the gettogether but youngest kid gets flowers from her neighbors yards and the neigfhbors are p-ssed
so the trips off
later her daughter learns to drive and they go to the getotghher
along da way the car overheats
its husbands car and she f'd it doing something he told her not to
imagine I borrowed ur sega genesis game and left it outside and it got f'd?
her daughter (played by the chick from degrassi I think) tries to make her hate her husband and says w/o him she'd have a better life
main chick sez that's sh-t and comforts her
so at da gettogether one of the chicks is in an iron lung
they chat about rhymings and grammer
its not grammar its grammer
f u spell check
at least it doesn't add extra u's in color
later they drive back and theres a dr pepper add they gotta finisgh
at home the husband locked the kids out
hes worried about her being gone for 10 hours and when he grabs her arm as she walks away, the teen daughter jumps on him and goes mental'
the kids pile on him and she defuses things by splashing him with jello
after the kids go, he sez he was crying and didn't want the kids to see him like dat
he cried cuz he thought she left him
see what happens when you do things like that?
he was probably really scared and hurt
everythings f'd for him
and his kids hate him
he otta beat that teen daughter til she pood out her guts
later it turns out the husband took out a 2nd mortgage and its due
the house is gonna get f'd
they might have to sell the kids
milkman helps out by offering them laundry jobs
but she turns him down
then dr pepper sez shes a finalistin a dr pepper thing
she buys dr pepper with husbands last doller
doller is spelled wrong?
its not dollar its doller
its not a phone collar its phone caller
so the dr peper guy comes by and interviews her over cr-p
after he goes dad is cheerful but his candy a55 kids drag him down
little c-cksuckers
he otta give em a throuorgh (thur row) beating
main chick is bummed
so she wins the dr pepper contest and driving daughter goes mental thinking they f'd out
driver girl is b--chy over her dad probably not changing and main chick sez hopeful cr-p
then the fam spends time together as husband plays guitar and sings
main chick sells the trip and pays the mortgage
she akes a vacation later and her kids do well
after her husnind bites it its revealed he cashed his pention checks in a secret account so main chick didn't have to worry about cadash
after she bites it the driver teen gets the typrighter and has a moment remembering her mom saying some good advise
its heartwarming
then we get photos of the kids and what they did
driver girl wrote the book this filme was based on
the end
that was actually nice
good mostly clean story of 50s life and sticking with it
it doesn't make the angry dad the bad guy
it shows multiple sides to the issue
its got heart
the 50s were pretty cool
I liked this one
its got hope
for The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio 2 I want it to be the 90s and the grandkid of the main chick from the 1st movie wants to enter a contest to come up with a new slogan for a 90s brand thing. but he struggles. so he starts using black magic to reawaken his grandma's genes to give him the ability to write like her. but it screws up and turns him into some kind of hermaphrodite and opens the gates of h-ll and unleashes daemons. so he's gota use his hermaphrodite powers to beat em al up and send em back. also its a 16 bit action game like crusader of centy on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar and turbografix16 where you go around solving problems caused by the daemons and free the areas from their rule.

Monday, April 8, 2019

Bedtime For Bonzo Review

note; I spell ape style
bedtime for bonzo
this is my rebview on bedtime for bonzo
its got Ronald Reagan who was the prez who helped beat the soviets
as a 90s kid my rents kept saying "bedtime for bonzo" but I never knew what that was.
I sorta connected it to the muppet gonzo
after credits the cops go to Sheridan college
1st; I went to Sheridan college as  a 20 something
2nd; nowadays if college calls cops its cuz someone saw a note that says "its ok to be white"
the firemen came too
turns out theres someone gonna jump from the building
Ronnie is called to help as hes a pasycoloogisrt and climbs out on the side of the building
the jumper is a chimp
all this work for an ape?
to quote dbz; he was just, a monkey!
so ronny trys psychology to get ape bonzo not to jump
ronny carrys bonzo across the building and gets him in
meanwhile the dean talk with a guy about how theres a guy under a fake identity
the gu is called brekenridge like that queer movie by gore vidal
rons dad was brekenrifdges cellmate
imma call him myra
after chatting with ron myra leaves
ron is glad to know his dad loved his mom
but dean don't like ron cuz his dad was a crook
even though a lot of good people had bad dads
although j fk had an awful dad and he was pretty awful too
ron sez if his dad had better chances hed have been good
also his teacher and class aid crime is genetic
but they allowed disagreement
man, college allowing differing opinions
the 50s were great
oh and dean';s daughter is engaged to ron
dean don't ant his daughter marrying someone with bad dna
is this a eugenics movie?
promoting selective breeding and evolution?
cuz God can heal peoples genetic issues
plus brain plasticity
ronny tells the dean something off color off screen
I assume he told him to get f'd
later gf comes by and wants to heal the rift
but ron wants to elope
they agree to call of the engagement fore a while
ron wants to change deans mind and bonzo is on a hunger strike
I suggest rectal feeding
ronny helps bonzo by compforting him and bonzo thinks ronny is his dad
and ronny is gonna raise him to be a good boy to show environment is the biggest factor
later ron cals professer and sez 6 women he tried to hire to raise bonz9o turned it down
bonzo is going mental and a chick named jane comes by for da job
she raised her 5 bros and they talk with her thinking bonzo is a real boy
she seez bonzo and freaks out
she hears himn whining and sez its like a baby
also somehow he flipped his crib over
she helps dress bonzo
I assume hes in a diaper or he'd be sh-ting all over the place
man wer're 20 mins in
that was qwik
then gf comes by cuz he's been away for a while
he makes up cr-ppy excuses for the weird stuff going on
and claims to leave for a bit
later he returns like batman in 92 and jane put bonzpo to sleep
jane sez her bro gus wasn't as cute as bonzo
I assyume he has some bizzare x men mutation
later ron's shopping and tells  guy hes doing a experiment on baby food giving people higher energy
just charge ur ki
later they is havings breakfast and bonzo throws white goo on ronny
also cuz bonzo is jealous of ronny getting ore attention
they mentoion Oedipus, who wanted to b0ne his mom
also thy start caling eachother momma and poppa to help bonny feel more comfy
even though it has no language experience with those words
also they choose to show more affectinn
interesting themes
rony didn't now his dad and janes mom bit it when she was 14
now they gotta be parents w/o much role models
so later ron makes notes but its in handwriting
later ronny tells gf about the experiemt
she wants to come over and thought bonzo was another women cuz he was avoiding her
that's both gay, interspecies and pedo
later ronny mises dinner and later at night a bird scares bonzo at the window and hre runs to janes bed
later ron comes home later and thinks bon got out cuz da windows open
 after earing the story he finds bonny opened 2 doors to get to jane
later bonzo took a necklace outta a thing and she tells him to put em back
she acts sad to twist him
he gives em to her
later he opens the vacuum and its bag sprays dust when turned on
this freaks him out and he escapes out a wimdow like kaiba in Yugioh season 1
later the baby food guy is getting his energy raised and can ride a bike fast after eating baby food
placebo? or fact?
then ane sent a coded messaqge saying bonzo is in trouble
bonzo is f ing around in a tree
Is this where th4e james franco planet of the apes got it from??
scientists raising an ape in secret ad it gets out
eventually bonzo goes in a window and mouths a phone
operator thinks his gibbering is suffocating and they send da cops
jane goes up a tree but bonny knox over da latter trapping her there
ron comes in to save her
then the cops and firemen come in and save em
alaso bonzo hid so rons claims of the monkeymakes him look nuts
they leave and gf comes by and is p-ssed ronny has another woman
she sez her dad was right and rives off
women driving?
cant have that in north Africa
and this is da 50s
so later ron wants to end the experiment
but jane sez bonny gave back her beads
she runs out saying rons a quitter and fins bonzos gone
ron and proffer drive around at night and find him looking at a necklace in a window
later they do tests offscreen and film it and watch the footage
bonny didn't take a banana from a drawer that he knew was rons
later professer meets dean and deen sez hes gonna sell bonzo
gonna send him to medical research
preserrer trys to explain but dean don't get it
bonzo's gona get aids
later they give bonny a cake and trike
its his b day
later proefeser sez the'll get rid on bonzo and ron sez janes gonna go mental when they get rid of him
but she hears and goes mental
profferser tells ronny shes in love with him and it surprizes him
later bonzo gets out and rides his trike around til he gets to the necklace store
he sneaks in and jacks it but leaves his cowboy hat
ron finds him and the necllacre but cat get back in the store
he calls proff and proff comes with a note from jane saying she booked it
they go back to put the necklace back but a cop gets him and hes arrested
now he might get jail but they don't believe his monkey story
also bonzo wont eat
jane returns and finds bonnys getting sold to the aids factory
they tell da dean and he sez if true he could fire em
jane tells off gf for not being supportive of ronny
she and proff go to the cps to stand up for Reagan like real americans
she has bonzo return the stolen necklace to prove the story and he goes outside
yeah cuz da cops would let an ape run off with evidence
but bonny takes 4 hours to get to the story
but eventually does it
so the expirement is a success and Reagan is not guilty
then bonzo ronzo and janezo (jinzo??) go off in a car and bonzo isn't wearing a seat belt
its like phantasy star 03 where you get 2 chix to choose from and marry 1 at the end of the adventure
they smooch
the end
thar was pretty good
nice lite 50s film
good feel
good acting
ronaly reaon was nice in here
diferent than his 80s self
but still likable
and a lot of films ripped this off
i'm glad I saw it
its nice
good pacing too and good flow
for bedtime for bonzo 2 I want it to be the 60s and the animal rights hippys have taken over California. bonzo identifies with em and they make him their patron and use him to try to give animals rights. but bonzo identifies as a human and not an ape and wants surgery to transition to his inner self. he ets operated on to look human but people want him killed for appropriating human protoculture. so he has to escape to san fran sisko to avoid the haters in California. its also an 8 bit platform game with fighting elements on sega master system/game gear, nes and Gameboy and turbografix16 where you plat as bonzo and get through each level to get closer to freedom

Sunday, April 7, 2019

Death Wish Review

note; my spelling is non violent or good
Death wish
this is my review on death wish from thr 70s(the 1st one)
its got charles bronson and no one else I rcognize
except fjeff goldbloom
its based on a book by some guy who I think hated the movies
it was inspired by his stuff being f'd by crooks and him wanting to waste em
so it starts with Bronson on a beach with his woman
after their vacation they g home to new York or some crime cesspool
so Bronson is an architect like that Seinfeld guy wanted to be
at the grocery store these violence jack like punks trash the place and no one stops em
they follow bronsons woman and daughter back to their place
at their apartment they say they are the grocery guys and are let in
they bust in, trash the place, steal their cash, beat and b0ne em
the son in law calls Bronson and tells em
at the hospital the cops fill em in
bronsons woan bites it
after the service Bronson chex with the cops and theres a lot of hp00kers there
is this mad bull 34?
the cops have little hope of catching those guys
so later his daughter is having freakouts and Bronson gets 20$ in quarters to use in a sock to fight
son in law wants Bronson to stay away as he remoinds her of mom and that reminds her of being b0ned by all those guys and girl
its better to tough it out and get over ur issues instead of hiding from em
later Bronson prctices swinging his quarter sock and drinks
later he has a meeting with a texas guy or w/e about the building his planning
btw this is directed by the guy who did parting shots, the movie where a guys gonna bite it and decides to ice everyone who wronged him
at the Arizona guys town theres a fake wild west town where texas guy shows him a show with cowboys fighting
and gunfighting
later they plan the thing hes building and texas wont bulldoze the hills and don't want it to be a slum in 20 years
just keep the democrats out
texas tells him how guns are just tools like axes and hammers
and did much good in American history
but Bronson objected to korea and never served his country
texas take him to the range and does well
bronsons dad was a hunter who bit it after someone mistook him for a deer
it poisoned him against guns
I know how it is
putting up with my aunts dogs made me hate dogs
later Bronson finishes the architect thing better than planned
later he goes back to soviet new York and son in law sez daughter went nuts from trauma
for insurance reasons son in law gets Bronson to have her sent to he nut house
later Brinson gets a firearm and goes out at night
later a guy pulls a gun on him and wants his cash
so Bronson caps him
he goes home and gets freaked out
nexrt day cops check out the mugger who was an ex con
later Brinson sees some punks and takes em out
1 was running away but brnson iced him
later an ambulance trys to save em and 1 is still kicking
they grill him and cant get any info on the guy who capped em
also a guy who saw Bronson wont rat on him
later daughter is sent to the nuthouse and Brinson talks with son in law ABOUT if the cops wont save you then you gotta defend urself
to be fair, the courts have ruled that cops are under no legal obligation to risk themselves to save u
im not kidding
call the cops and maybe they'll clean up whats left of you after you've been b0ned dead
after they take 45 mins to get to your place
this is exactly why we have the right to bear arms
except in Canada where its limited
and England where even the cops aint armed
and even if guns are banned theres still illegal ways
and they'd just knife people
so the cops search for the guy killing crooks instead of stopping crooks
typical new York
its like soviet California banned plastic straws but decriminalized aids spreading
so later bronsons on the subway and some crooks pull knives on him
so he caps em and walks of into a crowd at the next stop
so the mayor tells the crookslayer to stop for law and order
cuz new York is doin such a good job at that
so the cops d-ecide to check familys who lost ones to muggers
you know, in soviet Canada, this Asian store owner was tired of this junkie stealing from him
so he chased him down and tied him up for the cops to arrive
but the cops arrested HIM for infringing on the junkies rights
also they charged him with "carrying a concealed weapon" fir having a box cutter in his pocket as he didt have time to empty em b4 the chase
and they got the junkie to testify against his victim
then again, new York is a yankee state
so it might as well be Canada
later Bronson takes out 2 muggers
but I think he takes a knife hit
he gets away by train b4 the cops can finger him
so the city tries to save the mugger but cant
the news sez people are fighting back against crime
just carry as samurai sword
btw this whole "standing up to oppressors" thing was how America started
the new Yorkers chase down a mugger and beat his a55
later the cops are getting closer to bronspon
but mugging is going down
but the cops don't want people solving their own problems
and if they arrest him he'd be their martyr
so 1 cop has to scare him off
I assume they mean the diana way
as in; make it look like an accident
cop calls Bronson and tells em hes being watched
he lox up his firearm
at night is an 8 year old on the new York streets saying EXTRA EXTRA! READ ABOUT DA VIGILANTE!
1st; what is this? the 30s?
2nd; he's gonna be b0ned dead!!
Bronson goes out and da cops stop him
he goes in but sneaks out
and the pay phobe the cops were gonna use is f;d
when cop tries to go in, a BUNch of furrys come out
well, this IS new York
a cop uses a later payphone and gets no aweser but he could be in da shower
bronois goes to some safe storage space and gets his gun
cop follows later and hears he was there
I just realized that this movie is basically ivan the terrible and 30s batman
when he capped people
while out Bronson is on stairs and 4 thugs confront him
he takes em out
they called hi "honey" so I think they wanted his butt virginity
send em back to h-ll!
he has a standoff with the last guy but blacks out
the cops find him and hes takes to the hospital
oh and the 4 guys on the stairs1 got him in the leg
at the hospital co shows him the gun they found nd tells him to get outta new York and he'd drop the investigation
then he tells the press Bronson was a victim of muggers
so he moves to Chicago and sees thugs hassling a blonde and he helps her while making a gun motion to the thugs
the end
huh, Christopher guest was in this
that was pretty good
nice pacing and themes
good story
good acting
shows what new York was like in the soviet era
Bronson is cool
the writer of the book hated this
like mary poppins writer
or dragonballs writer
or myra Breckinridge's writer
or the watchmen's writer
or the shinings author
but I liked this
it was cool and simple
easy to follow
and the tv version cutz the swearing and b0ning and gore
the 1st death wish I saw was 4 and it has Bronson having his camera purse snatched.
he pulls out a huge gun and takes out the thief
then the whole slum cheers
good times
for death wish 2 I want his daughter to be recovering from her insanity and she has gained psychic powers and knows her dad iced those thugs. she sneaks out to join him but finds he left new York. So she takes his place and gets a leather outfit made with spikes in that swing out and eject. she goes around taking out crooks and in the end her dad returns and helps her feel loved and comforted. also its an action game like phantom 2040 where you play as her using gadgets made of trash and clearing each level of thugs on sega genesis, super Nintendo, Atari jaguar and turbografix16.