Friday, April 26, 2019

Grandma's Boy Review

note; I spell like a civil war survoivor
grandma's boy
this is my review of grandma's boy from the distant futuristic year of 1922
its got my fave silent comedian Harold Lloyd
my fave film by him used to be a sailor made man
but this starscreamed it and is now my fave silent comedy
it was later remade as a crass adam Sodom sandler comedy in the 2000s like mr deeds but I never saw that
so it starts with the hero being 11 months old and this other bay takes his cookie
hes a candy a55 and keeps letting people walk over him
in grade school the same guy I think takes his snax
then he's 19 and still a wiener
hes haroild Lloyd and has this chick hes into
but this rival is bada55 and a bully and has been kicking Harold Lloyds a55 since they were in diapers
the only way it could be worse is if they were twins and he was beating him up in da womb!
so bully comes by, sticks Harrold in da a55 with a pin and hits on his girl
they sit down and Harold and billy hold hands each thinking its the girl
when he finds out he kicks down Harold and takes credit for his ice cream making
then starts undressing him and throwing his clothes down a well
then all of Harold goes in
but I guess its not deep as he easily crawls out
bully and girl go off and Harold follows
he goes home and his gramma has a hobo staying on her property
she sends candy a55 Harold to ge rid of him but hes too meek
so Harold sends a dog but hobo scares the dog off with a roar
he beats up haroild and gramma chases him off
Harold is feeling bummed over his cr-ppyness and gramma ghives him his granpas suit he got in 61
also girl tells bully to come over so Harold wont miss him
she just don't get that this guy is tormenting him
freekin bimbo
meanwhile, Harold accidentally burns his removable collar after nearly burning his a55 on the candle
whats with all the butt stuff?
I can imagine in the adam Samuel sandler versoin he gets a Gameboy stuffed up his butt
at night the girl has a party or we and Harold is dressed like its the slavery days
which looks normal to us in the 21swt century
and their black butler has the same outfit as Harold
so girl plays a love song to Harold and Harold accidentally gets his finger stuck in a bottle
at least it wasn't in his a55
also the family's many cats come after his shoes
guess there were crazy cat ladies in the 1900s
he cares em away with a dog statue
then he puts mothballs in his suit in the candy bowl
she then feeds him a mothball and he struggles to stay composed
 then bully shows up and eats some moth balls
when girl goes to get something they run to clean out their mouths and accidentally drink gasoline the butler was getting to a guy
after puking the bully beats up harld
then a posse comes in cuz of the hobo ruining town
he busted a window, jacked jewels, beat up a guy and capped another
this light heartyed 20s comedy just got dark
sherrif deputizes the group but runs utta badges b4 Harold
so bully gives him his badge
hobo probably is a malcontent ex ww1 soldier
like in I was a fugitive from the chain gang
probably killed a lot of good german and Austrian boys and had fun doing it
so Harold stays back at da house and the posse goes off leaving him... alone in the dark
he f's up and f's around at night stumbles about comically
he makes it home and hides in bed
da next dae hes bummed over s-cking and granny tells him a story of how his grandpa was a wiener
her story is told in flashback by hailld Lloyd playing the grandpa
I assume inbreeding was done
but in the civil war he was in the confederacy and was sent to steal general bell's code but he was a candya55
but this witch who was p-ssed off by the union gave him a  magic charm that gives him luck
he beats 2 yankees by luck accidents and gets the chutzpa to do it
btw this old confederate witch might've been ripped off by pumpkin head
so granpa knocx out a cook, takes his clothes, puts stuff in the punch and serves em
1 guy spots his confederate pants and he takes hi out with a head shot and says the drink was too strong
then again with another
1 by 1 he takes em out but the last guy catches on and they sword fight
after taking him out the boys in gray come in and he takes off the coat revealing hes one of them ands gives em the code
granny gives him the charm and its really nice
man grannys like 4'8
he goes out all bada55 and beats up a bag of cr-p he puts in da chair
then tells off a guy who nearly ran his a55 over
the guy listens as hes got the deputy sherrif badge
then a guy sez they traped da hobo but hes wounded 5 men
Harold jacks a horse and rides off like napoleon dynamite
he gets there and its a shoot out
he runs in but the rest run off
then dartz around and nearly gets his head busted in with a stick
but keeps being called out from going in by various things
he goes in the other door as theres a blicketee black cat in the 1st one and clubs out the hobo
but hoboi recovers and gets out and scares the town away and carjax a guy
so like 16 guys pile into 1 car and hang n the sides like they still do in the 3rd world and Harold falls off
but hes right wit the hobo
so he uses the charm as a fake gun and sticks him up
thy walk on and have comic misadventues like them going separate ays and reuniting or Harold making him carry him in a wheel barrel
but Harold falls out and gets a car and chases him
run his a55 over!!
Harold drives with his feet on da wheel and makes a lasso but falls out
hobo is chased by car chased by Harold
he gets back in and goes after him
hobo gives out from outrunning a freekin car and Harold ties him up
the town gives up on getting hobo but then bada55 Harold comes inwith hobo in a wheelbarrel
hobo roars and freaks em out but haroild busts his head with an item
I just realized this bad a55 bad guy who's super human in a comedy was used by mel brooks in blazing saddles
remember hum punching out dat horse?
both were beat in comic ways
so Harold gets a 1000 $ reward and the town and girl love him
then comes in the bully and he don't know of harolds victory
he f's with Harold and Harold has enough of his sh-t and stands up to him
he slugs out harold and they have a bare knuckle brawl
its like if mma wasn't a gay p0rn0
they beat on eachother like Kenshiro and raoh in the last eps of Hokuto no ken and Harold keeps getting up after being knocked down
kinda like double dragon on the sega master system where you get infinite continues
bully tries to run and goes into the upper deck of a barn and they fight and nearly fall out
then they fall out and splatter into a mess of guts on the floor
there was a pile of hay there
Harold dodges his punches like the clock king in batman tas and nails him in the butt
Harold kicks his fat a55 and finds he dropped his charm
just like in the crow salvation , he thinks his power was up and gets his a55 kicked while trying to find it
he find it and bull begs for mercy
Harold shakes his hand but he tries a sneak attack with a bucket
Harold dodges and slugs his a55 down the well
I think transformers the movie did that with optimus and megatron
but no hot rod to interfere
then gramma reveals the charm was fake and the story of granddad in the civil was all lies and it was a placebo to get the candy outta his a55
it was all him and he had the power all along
now his hidden powers are unlocked like in dbz and bully fears him
Harold has chutzpa and boldly asks the chick if she loves him and will marry him
she consents and they go off with him carrying her over rocks on the river but they fall in the water
the end
that was grand
it holds up
its better the 1st time cuz of the unexpected factor but its still and great film
Harold Lloyd is my fave silent comedian and is just good clean fun
he actually got his hand blown off in nam
and by nam I mean he was holding an item he thought was fake but really blew off a thumb and finger
he used a special glove with fake parts to cover it and I didn't know until I heard it said on tcm
this movie is solid
it works well and fits great
I showed it to my thicc gf and she loved it
its got heart and humor
what a grand experience
and its only like an hour long
for grandma's boy 2 I want the bully to break the hobo out of jail and work together to beat Harold and get back the girl. to do this they do a black magic ritual that fuses them into one body with 2x the organs and twice as thick limbs and bones. he goes after Harold but Harold has been working out and is now big and buff like hulk Hogan and is able to fight him off. so he retreats and gets a bunch of his ww1 malcontent buddies to go after him one at a time. its also a fighting game where you play as a roided up Harold Lloyd and fight various freaks from around the world who fought in ww1 from different countries involved in it on sega genesis, super Nintendo, neo geo, Atari jaguar and turbografix16.

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