Friday, October 29, 2021

Evangeline Review

 note; i spell poetic


this is my review on Evangeline from 1929 100 years befgore the 2nd Robotech War)

its based on a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, which sounds like a p0nr0 name. and ios directal by Edwin Carewe who did nothing i saw or heard ofg

it stars Dolores del Río from The Trail of '98/Bird of Paradise, Alec B. Francis from The Circle, James Marcus from The Iron Horse/The Scarlet Letter/Sadiew Thompson, George F. Marion from The King Of Kings, Louis Payne from Quo Vadis/The King of Kings and a BUNCHJA GUYS FROM THE 1800S, some of who were around in the Alleged Civil War

i never saw this but i think my dad might have the classics illustrated copmic book of it, but i dont recall it

btw despite it being from 29, its a silent film, so its like a 1995 Sega Genesis game: one of the laters ones, but with good quality

so after a title thing and creditys like a scroll unrollingshowing credits and then a line of a pomem and saying its in somewhere called acadia in the woods by the sea

wait it acadieand is in this village like naruto or something where they live in peace and dont lock their doors cuz theres no druggies or homies roaming the streets

there's a good priest whop dresses likea  black robe monk and a big a55 blacksmith like dmr edwards from robotech i mean little house on ther prarie

also is a fiddler whos jolly and a notery, w/e that is, who's trolled by fiddler but they get allong

oon the hillside is the rich farmer and evangeline who is cheerrful

the son of the notary comes by and is into her and sez he loved her since they were kids

but she is into another ghuy and it kinda bumms him out

one way out; make a clone under your control of her as a slave

he wishes her the best and goes off to eat his gun or w/e and she goes up and acts all lively and girly

this manly guy on a boat, the son of the blacksmith, comes by and evangeline has the priest bless her

she goes to the sea and boat  gets there and manly comes up and hugs her

thay talk about love and joke around and the church bells ring and they pra

later rich guy sez this frenchie guy rene is coming for her marriage contract but she is gonna riun off with manly man

some guys come by and i think its the blacksmith and his son

was that the guy who loved hert b4? i cant recalll

thern notery comes by and i think notery's son is the frenchie

the marriage contract is for her and manly guy and eva brings bugs of beer or grog or w/e

eva and manly go out to a stream anfd plegde their love as long as the water runs and kiss

but in 199X: the nucular war dried out the seas in Fist of the North Star

they are lovey dovey and she sings a song he loves

but its a silent film so we only near the piano

i assume its a song well known in the 20s i never heard of

later the town gathers as theres a proclaimation from the evil regent  king george 2 saying they are going to war with soviet france and are drafting them

the people dopnt consent and aare going to halifax to petetion the goverenor

this is in canada? where's all the moose riden by sasquatches?

btw; in 1776; When America cast out the regent's forces, those who chose to be subserviant to the regent went up and started canada

its like if after the civil war if many freed slaves went down to brazil to return to their past life

so the people go to the governor and say they serve the regent but are frenchies by blood

so they're double devolved?

and they dont comnsent to being sent to war against their own kind

but the governor says they are subjects of the monarch and have no right toi dissent

they whine more and the governor says he's gonna consider it

blacky mcsmith says his village will never fight france and leaves

its like how in te 2021 election in canada how chinees canadians voted against the alleged conservative candidsate for saying he'd take on the commie country of china

so later the troops are loaded on ships and the governor is sending col windslow on a secret mission w/o the crown's consent or request

windslow suggests not going aftrer the arcadians bvut governer gaylord dont care

in the village hidden in the arcade; theres as feast and dance of the wedding of manly and eva, but notery jr is disgruindtled

fiddler is bummed but the girls get him a mug of soda or rootbeet  or w/e 4kids trurns booze into and he's back into playing music

remmember that ep of hannibal where that guy was stealing intestines to make violin strings?

so the people in arcade's revenge are jolly and happy and a swarm of soldiers come by and tell the men to assemble in the church

the people dont like it but priest says the evil britmoes wont attack em in the Church

in there they are toold the gov is stealing their land for not doing the govs bidding, its to be burned and they're fams will; be sold to otherlands

now they are prisones of the crown and blacksmithg calls for defiance

the people rise up to fight for freedo but the priest calms em, by saying The Hpuse of the Lord is not for violence

they pray and ask for forgiveness

later its night and manly is 1 of 20 alllowed to sayt bye and tell the people big gov is taking their homes and freedom

she has hope and believes in her love and they'll make it

later the people are rounded up and sent off on ships to far away lands by their rival countrymen

like with the africans soild to Europe and The Americas

also families are separated like those mexicans coming over in 2014 but not cared about by the news until 2018

then like in bravceheartr or with general sherman; the bad guys burn the peoples homes as the fleeeing people watch

the priest prays and whenn they land; the fiddler is harassed and his prized fiddle is stomped on

wait; they didn't leave yet i think

eva wants to get on the same boat with man;ly and goes to get her dad

as they go, dad fallls and she helps him and manly is pulled away by the brits and knocxked out

evas dad bites it and manlyt is thrown in a boat and shipped off as sahe waves and cal;ls to him and goes in the sea

she goes back and they yell to each other

the news of the arcaniran movement gets to soviet england and the people are p-ssed

brad i mean bill pitt complains about it in the house of commons despite england being the f--king bad guy since like the robin hood days

king john (who b0ned a 8-15 year old) oppressing the people, queen victoria'S SINS,  i mean elizabeth 1, the evils on the irishmen scottsmen and other groups, henry 8 chopping up his women, wrongly accusing oscar wilde of sodomy, stealing americans on boats for forced servitude yto the regenmt and starting the war of 1812, war crimes in ww1 and 2, being part of the rasputin wacking, charles taking out diana and his other women, the royal wedding sh-tting up the news, censoriung nunchaku and f--king sausages cuz they look like nunchaku in ninja turtles, banning and forcibly censoring movies as a few crusty brits at the bbfc are triggeredm, banning guns which leads to knife crime and knice control laws

lets face it; they s-ck!

we otta just nuke em! they got it coming, worked for sodom and gomorrah

so eva is searching the states for manly love annd later its been 5 years since being exiled and some are finding each other in the confederate states

she looks for her manly love and finds noterys soin i think, who sez ain't seen him in 3 years

1 guy sez in saint lewis 2 years ago he was seen but she looked for him there

a year agho he was in new orleens but when she was there he wasnt

so they're in the bayou like billy and eva is staying with noterie son who's stoll gay for her

she only thinksd of her manl;y alpha male bf andgoes off to find him

brw, noterie looks kinda like marvels loki

so manly bf is roaming aroyund on a canue and is dressed like danmny crocket and hears her singing

but then gives up and they go by missing each other with a thing of plants between em

the black smith is now a herdsman and eva and her daddy come by

he looks like he's be porthos in the  muskweteers

so she hears he just left for her yesterday and tomorow they'll go out for him

she sees manly mans room and smellshis clothes

mmmmm, man musk!

that salty sweaty smell guys get from being manly

oh wait, its not her dad, its the priest

so they go out and priest gives her a blessing and after a few days; lose his trail

so they're in the ozareks and going through ruff watter and the boat f's out

she gets to shore and the other guys are gone and she runs through the woods calling to him

she runs through the darkwoods scared kinda like disney ripped off in SAnow White and then a storm comes

a 9 foot tall sasquatch come out and says "I have longed for a human woman for some time" and reaches for her

jk really she sees a Crucifix on A TREE and waits out the storm clinging to it

after the storm she sees a priest and asks for his help

so she wanders for years and is is philedelphia  helping those in need

i guy knows her name and she recognizes him as hher manly bf

shes overcome with emotion and he has her sing to him for a while

the end

that was pretty good

nicce camera work and style

sort of like an early 30s film

tells a good story and has great emotin

shows how evil the brits are and how their rules ruin humans and frenchies

I'm not sure when this takes place but its gort good style and feel

i enjoyed it and it works

plus the "people living in peace before the bad guys attacked" was ripped off by The North Star

For Evangeline 2 I want it to be 1776 and her and her man are siding with America as under cover ops toi deliver messages between Americans and help defeat the brits. Also they have severasl gadgets made by ben franklin that aid therm. Its also a 16 bit cinematic platformer like Out Of This World/Another World on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA whee you gotta get past the brits and solve puzzles and use items to save America

Monday, October 25, 2021

Practical Magic Review

 Note; i spell without the black arts

practical magivc

This is my review on Practical Magic from 1998 (The year of the Global Civil War in Robotech)

its based on a book i never read and was directal by Griffin Dunne who did movie 43

aw f--k! its directed by i mean produced i mean writtwn by akiva goldsman who did batman forever, batman and robin, lost in space, the da vimnci code, angels and demons, the dark tower, annd trANSFORMERS 5

it stars sandra bullock, nicole kidman, Stockard Channing from Grease 1, Dianne Wiest from Edward scoissorhands, Aidan Quinn from Benny and Joon, Caprice Benedetti from Shaft 4, Evan Rachel Wood fromThe Ides of March, Mark Feuerstein from What Women Want, Lucinda Jenney from G I JANE and Thinner, Margo Martindale from Lorenzo's Oil, and a buncxh of guys i never heard of, ooh, 1 is Croation!

i nevdr saw this b4 but its on tv and ooh, its produuced by denise di novi and has music by Alan Silvestri who did mac and me and the suiper mario bros movie

so after credits we get narration of chicks blamed for everything and now their ancestor was a witch who got hung in the past

aslso she had some kinda magic that she used to break the rope and everyone runs off

she was banished to an island pregnant and no one came to see her, so shecast a spell to not feel love that became a curse that kills the familys bf's

narrators husand bit it after hearing the death beetle and now she lives with her witch fam

also kids dont likethe kids  for being witches and now they practive the lack arts

1 grl has better magic than the other and fantasizes about her future bf as if he dont exist, he wont die

thn uses some E T sh-t to sends flower pettles to the moon

then its the 90sor w/e andthe girls are adults and kidman has a bf and sandra is a nerd

they talk about living together forever and dying on the same sday and cut hands and mix blood  as blood rituals are used in evil

so kidman is burning through guys n a grand tour and sandra misses her and wants to be normaL


then shes married and has 2 kids and is going well

kidman is a party chick and has a butt buddy who seems like the crow or something who i',m pretty sure she's b0ning

then in bed with her fam, the killer beetle toll;s for sandra

she truys to ice it as bike guys go by him safely, but then a trick slams his a55

sandra goes to her raisers whosay they cast a spell thsat got him to er but they didnt know he'd love her

sandra wants to bring him bak but it wqouldn't be right or normal, like FMA or Pet Semetary

she dont care and dumps her kids on her aunts or w/e and sez "don't liet em do magic"

holy f we're only 20 mins in

so kid man is with some ewuropeany guy andputs some sh-t in the booze when hes not looking

then a cool effect of day to night or w/e as kid man drives and san dra wakes up in bed with kid man

sand wants to open a shop and chats with kid man about her but buddy from eastern europe and has a weird vampure thing going (But not f-kkin ghey like twilight)

kid man is drugging him for time away like a reverse polanski as hes not being butt hammered

thensand wakes up and kid man aint there and goes to te shop as 90s music plays

kids yewll that these girls are wutches and 1 girl pointsand sez "i hope u get chicken pox" and the people are scared

sand sez not to do that and she whines abnout sand having all this powwer and not using it

at hope where sand and girls now live; the older ones ate telling of the familys black arts past

sand tells em not to do that and later writes an emo letter of her feelings

she mails her letter and the phone ringsand this chick is scared and needs help

sand is going ouit and the older ones are gonna take the kids to a demon ritual like in haxen fromthe 20s

sanfd goes to kid man and gets her as her eurotrash bf slugged her after she said something that offended him

kid man goes to get this item but sleezo is in the car its in and catches her and makes ssand drive as he drinks and smokes

sleezo goes on about cowboys and kid man sends a messaghe to sand where her drugs are

sleazyo tries to brand kid man but sand uses the chaos to get the bottle and drug it

after whizzing and the drugs shoulsdvekicked in by now, he gets back and strangleds kid man and sand get on him

so he blacks out as he OD'd and kd man Prays to The Lord to get outta this

Good that your going back to the Light,ut all that daemon magic...

kid man thinks they're gonna get the chair and decides to use black maghic to revive him

his corpse takes a beat down as its dragged and bumped, but if it were guys doing that to a woman, it would be "hate"

so they do naecromancy and avoid needling the eyes , draw a pentagram in whipped cream, and say the daemon worship words

his eyers open as they didnt needle em and he strangles kid man fore not being his wife and sand frying pans his head like shes princess peach in smash bros melee

they bury him in the park or backyaRD OR W/E AND the next day the ladies and kidfs come back

so later sand is in class and kkidman comes in a 5kanks it up

oh its the pta and sandara is now the top of the phone tree as thisis pre e mail

later in da garden somethings moving f--k andthe sandra, kid man and the ladies hare margaritas and drnkenly party\

kid ma calls the aunts old hags and they ramble on aboutr drunkeness

black arts and booze?

what next? cocainum?!

they realize the bottle wasthe one sleezo had and kid man shatters it in da sink

aunts (like in sabrina?) see the sisters did something but leave em

aunts give the kids the hanging rope to protect them and 1 girlknows theres a man under the rosesand wont go out

kids tell sisters that austs told em to clean their own mess and outside this rose bush grew overt night

the sleezyos feet poke out from under the ground but go under

they chop the roses and a cop comes by asking to see kid man as he's working on a case

holy cr-p its aiden quinn

sand tells kid man and says she can't lie to him and kid man sez to say she left after getting hit and hasn't seen him

ai deed naht heet haa sheez lai ing! eets bool sh--t! ai deend naht nbheet haa! Ai deedf nahhhhht! oh hai mark!

cop saw her letterand sez he need s to find him and kidman 5kanks up for him and reads his palm

cop knows she is lying as the sleezoes car is there and sand screwed up ly rambles on

cop revealsd the sleezyo had other victims he branded and wants help finding sleezo

cop looks through towen and they bash the witche, even 1 eityh cvhicken pox

ar the shop cop is there and seez a guy who has some issue with his head product i think goes on his parts

cop sez hes gonna see sand the next day and at night kid man goes out and tells sleezo to go away

latwer kids are making a spell with kid man and can;t let sandra know as she donty do magic

kid man tells the kids of the imaginary bf and talks about the good feelings and dangers of love

so cop comes by and asks about the drugs and how witches use it and she sez they ate witches and ice their husbands

she sez how they just make herbal remedies and donty worship demons(spoiler; where do you think magic comes from?!) and how theres other kids of magic

when asked if she's hiding sleezo she sez "not in this house" and if sghe iced him says "a few times"

cop throws the pancake high and catches it and later they have pan cakes

cop uses syrup but the girls throw it in the sea\

a grog eats it and burps up a ring and cop sez they better get a laywer

the sisters b--ch at eacvh other over sand faking being normal and her kids aint either aND KID MAN WANTS HER POWER

sand is gonna tell the truth to cop and at his placesees the letter she sent was read a lot

she sez sleezo is haunting them and says "if i did ice him, would i go to jail for ending a guy like him"?

which is mad max logic of thrtowing out the laws

cop sez sleezo needs to ber punished and she sez he was

cop offers to help her and smooches her for a bit

then they smake outy andshe sees he's got eyes like her dream ghuy and stops and gets out b4 b0ning him

sand hears a voice and runs home and her kidsa re freaked outsand finds kid man posessed by slewezy and his forme come sout of herbod

ghost b0ning?!

thats naecrofilia@

cop is there and stands off with sleeso and dleezo reaches in cip but stops cuz the star on the badge burnsd his ghost hand

cop holds the badge ip and sleezo poofs off in dust

later sand tells what happened with sleezo and cop is confused

he sez her letter and her brought him here as he read it 1000x

sand sez she sent for him as she made this love spell asking for the perfect man that wouldn;t exist but now it do

now she dont know if hes here for the spell or if he actully loves her

he sez curses only have power when u belive, and he dont

like how gravity only exists if you notice it

f--kin loony toons logic!

oh and he asked or wished or w/e for her too

later kidfman hugs sand and starts lezzing out and is posessed by sleezo so sand backhands her 65kank a55 intio the bookshelf as the aunts and kids arrive

they tie up kid man(ike ms pac man?) and aunts need to remove the spirit to h-ll

sand calls the phone tree and comes out as a witch and the other ones spread the word

so they prepare the ritual and theres all these frogs being sommoned like in Exodus

so theres a parrfy and all therse people who feared her and here for her and trhey go to do the ritual on kid man

but shes a ghost and is haunting them!

they wrap these brooms aroundf in a wirrd hard circle and chant

the house grows flesh and slime and crothc monsters arew summoned!

jk thats splatterhouse 3

so evenatully kid man spazzes out and jerks around and falls on da floor in the broom edged circle

kid man wants to let sleezo take her so the rest will be safe and we get the sad moment ervery film gets

sand sez they were to die together and gets the curcle back together and gives posessed kidman a bottle of booze

kid man spazzes out and the chicks grab her as sdandra cuts their hands and mixes blood and the memories blast light and kid man is free

the black sh-t dust from sleezo goes up and falls and the chix sweep it up, throw it outside, and dump boiling cr-p on it to seal it

later a report is sent to sandra to say the wacking of sleezo was concluded to be an accident

thern 90s music as aiden quinn returns and makes out with sandra bullock

then its halloween and the sisters are plauying witrches on the roof in high heels, jumpo off the roof and float on black umbrellas

i think its said the curse if pbroken somehow now

then aiden and sandra make out

the end

thats not so bad

good color and lught and 90s feel

it promotes the black artsa but tells a good story

i didnt see the plot twists  and it was pretty fuin

good romance story and good msuic and feel

good acting and effects before cg ruined everything from overuse

glad i saw this

its a decent one

For Practical Magic 2 I want the aunts to reveal to the sisters that its time for the final level; pledging themselvees to a daemon who their maghic comes from! but sandra dont want it as she dont wanna be evil. So the witches say if she can complete this task; she will be freed from the daemons grip. its also a 32/64 bit game on n64, playstation, sega saturn and panasonic 3do where you go through these haunted woods and castles to fight bosses andn get items needed for the ritual to free yourselfd from the daewmon, but in the end it just summons it and you need to fight it as the game boss

Sunday, October 24, 2021

The Lincoln Lawyer Review

 Note: I spell confedrtate!

The Lincoln Lawyer

This is my reviewe on the linloc lawyer from 2011 (The year of Transformers The Headmasters and Robotech)

Its based on a book i never read by Michael Connelly who did bloodwork

it starts mattew mcconnalhwy, marisa tomei, Ryan Phillippe from I Know What You Did Last Summer and Igby Goes Down, John Leguizamo from the Good Super Mario Bros Movie, michael pena from mule, bob gunton from demolition man and the shawshank redemption, frances fisher from titanic, bryan cannston from that macross spin off dub, billianm h mascy from jurassic park 3, Trace Adkins, shea whighham from big miracle, michael pare from the virgin suicides, and a buncha dinks i never heard of

its directal by Simon i mean Mark I mean Brad Furman who did cr-p i never saw

i never saw this b4 but heard the name and thought it was based on something by john gruisham

this was rated R in America, 16+ in Poland, 12 in spain netherlands, portugal and germany, and 11+ in Denmark and norway

so after several logos (we know its lions gate! p-ss off! we don't gotta see it 15 times in a minute!) we get credits and shots of mattthew mcafrica in a car

man this is f-kkin widescreen

so he goes to wurk and luigi from mario bors the movie is his minion

always a number 2

\this guy is accused of beating up a chick and matt from digimon goes to court to do his lawfyer thing and gets a guys name wrong but remembers him from xmas from a gift he gavbe him

he meets this manson looking c-ck sucker named harold and defends him in court and asks for an extention to find a witness that isn't real

he gets it and goes to his big black car with NTGUILTY (Now Now Totally Guilty) and calls this blonde to remind him toi give the wrong name guy 200$ for xmas

his driver asks to stay on and matty sez he got his licsnece bnack 3 months ago

then a biker gang comes at em cuz its mad max or w/e and they stop for em

tyhe leader sez his homie harold sez math is stalling til he gets more money and math sez hwo he's gonna get him feree but needs more money

they pay him and as they drive away, he tells his driver   they dont gotta fly in the expert as the best are alrteady in sovieyt hollywood

this is california?! no wonder its f--jked!

then math meeths a teen whois 32 and gives him his stats

a scuzzy guy wants math as his laywer but her sez to wait his turn and teen sez he only has parking tickets and no big charges

later math flirts with a procesuter marisa who sez the teen was found in the victinms home wcovered in blood

they argue for letting him ror or not and hes out on 1 million dollers and an ankle monitor

he meets the dfamily lawyer of the teen and is told to be sensitive of the media

he stops a camera guy who recorede them and buys the tape off it

lawyer sez the teen chose math and math says his price wjhich is high

that laywer looks like lindsey graham

then he meets camera man and splits his money with him and returns the chs tape as he set him up to take the footage to look good

this guys some kind of t r edwards

then math meets a junkie and is also a h00kewr who b0nes guys for money or drsgs and 1 was mexican

math looks into it and the mexican is a furetive and tells where he was to drop the charges

so then math meets teens fam and team and tells mom the money has to come from teen and she can wire him the dough

also she leaves so she can't be used as a witness to what she hears

he sez hes innocent and tells how he went out to a party to pick up chix and saw the victim not into her date and dropping her address on a napkin to him

the prosecution doesn't have much b4 he weent to her place and he got there early and saw the bf leave inn a blueferrarri mustang

he went in and she knocked him out with a headshot and when he woke up these 2 queers from down the hall hwere holding him down

she set him up and put blood on his hand and might've had her butt buddy beat her up

we get the girls side saying he broke in and beat on her and had a knife on her neck

he sez its not his knife and she sed she stopped him with a bottle to the head

later mathmech is having a beer with macy and marisa i think brings him home as hes had too much

he looks kinda devolved and flirths with her as she goes off

da next day macy comes by with the bar camera feed and it backs up teens story and show butt vbudd y is left handed as the watch is on his left hand and the footage is morrored or something

i wore my watch on my right hand and i'm right handed

math shows the opposition who offers 7 years for battery and math and macy go over thew files andfind the kniofeww photo was swapped for them

they check with teen and say he lied about the chick being a h00ker and he sez he didnt want his mom to know

he sez the knife he sed wasnt his wasnt and he always carrys the knife as he shows homes to people they dont know

1 time this guy raeped his mom on a home show and stopped showing holmes

at night he goes to bring a kid to marisa's place and irts implied they made her b4

da next day he talksd with a guy about a past clkient who got hard time and iced someone and this giuy hates math for getting bad guys off

math says he had as client who iced his wife and kept her head in a fridge, but the DA trtied to add things he didnt do

then he meets merisa and chats over beer and wind up back at her place to b0ne

the next day she wakes yp withn their kid in bed with them as she has nightmares

marisa b--cvhes at math for keeping guys outta jail and she sends em there

later math goes over the photoes of the alleged civtim and goes through his files

then he goes to jail to visit a guy who was accused of a crime and admits to b0ning a h--ker

he suggests a deal but the guy says hes innocent

wait, thats a flash nack and he seez the same guy who the fl;ashnavk guiy was charfged for did this teens chick h--ker

he goers to see the guy from flashback, nowe with a shaved head, and he sez at this p0rn0 cluub he met this h--ker and went back with her but saw her talking to a guy

msath shows the guy mug shots and he eventually he snaps as he dont trust math

math goes backand tells m,acy the shavwed head guy was not guilty as the killer shanked the h--ker over 50x

math didnt believe the guy wa innocent as his dad said an innocent client is the most dangerous as if you lose they're f;'d

now math sees teen did it and the last guy is in jaiul for teens criomes

and he cant tell em as hes his atturuny

math driunbk drives out and goes home and wants to look into other chicks teen did

but his door is open and teen is there saying hes in real estate and he knows what mnaths upto

he admits he iced the 1st girl and  that ne knows about maths  daughter and her life

so its trial and he gives a speech vaguely implying 1 of them, chicxh or teen, is the real predator

later he goes to this crime scene where a guy got capped, and his little dog too, and its macy windoo

the dad from malcom in the middle is a cop and is retiring in 18 months and is a smarta55

then he goos too see luigi and reveals that luigi sent him to teen and teen iced macy and luigi is the only one who can take the tracker off teen

after more booze he goes to see marisa (which is like Japanese for Melissa) and tells her the teens a killer

the next day he chex his answering machine and macy sed he found somthing on teen to save shaved head and was then iced

math mech calls a cop and finds a certain gun iced macy and he finds his guns gone

at da trial the guy in the ferrarri mustang sez he b0ned the h00ker and denies hitting her

later malcoms dad and lady cop have a warrent for his place and search it

the gun was used by a gangster in the 40s that maths dad got off and they stil have the ballistics on file

blonde sez the guy macy had wasa court snitch and is in rehab and math goes to see the junkie b4

at da trial victim sez she knew him from b4 and plays word gumnastics to make her look bad

also he makes her not being known to the h--kers as dangerous means hes safe

after lunch the defence shows their side and mom sez her son carrys a knife cuz someone he knew was raeped and her son found her

the defence sez tthey can do 6 month but teen dont want to deal and msath is putting himon the stande tommorrow

math tells his driver to get something and later hes cross examinining teen who says hes innocent

btw the teen is a frenchie so it explains whoihes a purvo

look at the marquis de sade!

the offense sez to call a rebuttal witness tomorrow and later math checks a list and seez someone iss on there

in the courdt later the witness is said to be the snitch and the juryy is calls out for the laywers to argue

they do and mcafroica puts up an argument but the offense wins and math goes to da hall to make a call and tellsa a chick to come at a set time with a printout

the scuzzy guy from b4 is da snitch and sez teen admitted to giving a (word blanked out on bounce) exactly what she deservbed

math goes on about how scuzz bucket snitched on 4 guys and scuzz sez teen braghgs about icing girls b4

defence i mean offence gets scuzz to say about the other girl teen iced and guy who hated him b4 is there

matjh grills scuzz over fingering a guy of b0ning a 10 yeaR OLD AND the guy was innocent

and now he sez doing this for the offence

judge sends jury out, b--ches at laywers over putting a liar on the stand

later teen in the toilet wants to know how scuzzmo got the info and math sez macy did it b4 teen iced him

the offence lawyer drops the case with predjudice and now tyewen cant be charged with this beat down again

after the trial math sez he wants the gun in whisper and the cops come for teen for icing the chick b4

math sez he's down being teens lawyer and  teen sez he styill has teens gun i mean mayths gun

math sez; have fun esxplaining how you got it and they take teen away

macloms dad sez "whos side u on?!' and later math goes to his car weith a ticket in it cuz driver ws getting food

driver has brought what i think is math mcaids dgun back for him and drives him home

he checks his message and calls marisa who sez teen got out and he knows a parking ticket thing to nail teen

he  tells get tro gfet outta town and calls luigi to track teen on his tracer

he drives ona cellphone wihile taliing to luigi from kland of the dead or w/e

at a place by a house teen meets math mcdonalds and tells him to take 1 chance to gtfo

teen sez he's not gonna be there all night to protech his fam and the bikers bust up teens car and teen

math sez "hospital, not morh=gue" and lets these mad max dudesd wail on him

marisa sez teen got a ticket outside the place he iced that chick and later he goes home and teens mom is there and wants revenge for her "innocent" son

she caps himand sez she iced macy and he counter shots her with his dfirearm

conceal and carry saves lives

math later gets outta the hosputaL AND  driver drives him saying shaved head is out and teen is gonna get the needle if the loawres win

then the bikers come for him and he stops and they talk about him capping thew clients mother

biker sez his guy got caught with 50 kee lows and they owe him for helping him and he sez he'd do it for free

later to driver ther bikers are rpeat custyomers an dhe';d get em next time

the end

that was pretty good

mathew mcd0ng is good ast being sleazy but not evil

good twists and surpirzes and logic

good use of showing how tough it is for lawyers

i watch a lot of law ands order and this was a good twist

its ike 2 hours without adds but goes by at a good pace

dont drag and has good style

glad i saw it

its a solid legal film

and just like a time to kill; mathew mcarea is defending a guy who did it and finds a loophole 

for The Lincolon Lawyer 2 i want it to be about ther trial about the guy fronm the 1st movie but thanks to evidence being hishandled, he is seeming to go free, and with the bikers beating him up, he's shown that mathew was against him. and mathew has to help them from the shadows to get the case back on track. its also a point and click adventure on sega cd, tg16 cd, panasonic 3D0 and Phillips CDi where you play as the lawyer and gotta find the clues by talking to people and choosing the right option

Saturday, October 23, 2021

Sidewalks Of London Review

 Note: I spell without the EXTRA U's like da britz!

Sidewalks Of London

This is my revierw on sidewalks of London from 1938

It starts charles laughton, vivien leighh, rex harrison, Gus McNaughton from Storm in a Teacup, Edward Lexy from The Winmslow Boy, Maire O'Neill friom the 51 A Christmas Carol, CyrilSmith from Storm in a Teacip, Ronald Smith from Brighton Rock, and a few 1900s dudes I never heard if, homie

its duirected by Tim Whelan (Like Weylan-Yutani from Alien?!) who did the 40s thief of bag dad and nothing i saw

I never saw this but its also called St Martins Lane, London After Dark and Partners Of The Night\

Huh, its produced by Erich Pommer whgo did Metropolis

so after like a minute of credits to nice backgrounds, we get text saying in soviet london frin starts on da street and theser performers perform to make money

we see people singing and playing acordian ike hes weird al jan kovich

1 guy is swarmed with peeons for an autograph and a chick almost gets 1

its oin good b/w and has fullscreen

a fata55 announces some performapal cvandy a55 in attackmode and no one cares

he looks like a striaght james corden

wait, hes the performer and is doing a spoken wortd thing like a rap but not as homie

chick slugs him cuz he was holding her wrist of womething  and no one gives him movey for his cr-=p

then some musicians play msuicand dudes dance like how people think white people dance(and have never seen poles or soviets)

chick has a food with a guy in super blackface like hes candya55 trudeau or sometrhing

chick tells a guy shes a dancer anbd as she goes on, fata55 comes by as shes ta;lking cool

he b--ches out and after a brush with da cops, a fancy guy offers him a smoke

chick jacks the smoke case and as she goes, famcya55gives her a flower

fata55 followes her a55 and theres a chase through soviet england like a its a 30s movie OR SOMETHING

she escapes in an apartment and has a smoke as Hitler didnt reveal the dangers of smoking for as few years(not true! somking is safe! its just alt right conspiricy that smokes are dangerous! dr's agree: tobbacco is healthy! esp toasted tobacco! they wouldn't say it if it wasnt true! They knowe what they are talking about! they're dr's! you aint!)

she dances around the apartment and fata55 busts her and is gonna tell da cops and she defends herself as "i deserve it! why can't i have it" like some millennial commie saying the world owes them

he trys to explasin it and says how lkifes like a joke and she b--ches out slugs him

if he punched her it would be violence, but her throwing the 1st punch 2x is ok as i guess men have less protection than women

he grapples her but cops are comming and they escape to his place and he blocks the door with a chair

he puts newspaper in his shirt and takes an coat and goos too a chairto sleep

she gets the bed as i guess brit mo women are higher status tyhan men

da nexte daye a cat comes by and he lets it in and da fam downstairs eats a breaskfast

he sews something on a machineand a kid comes up and sees chick with him as she cuts herfinger on a brioken cup

kid wants to see the little boy and he sends kid down and fata55 pulls out a ventriloquist dummy to show chick

kid tells fam fata55 has a lady in his room and they think he';s b0ning

chick bp-ches out about something and worries fata55 will turn her in

he sez he wont if she lets him go in her motth

jk thats weinstein

they go down and family head confronts them and she b--ches out so he locks her in a room

he explains they didn't b0ne and she busts up his items as she s a b---ch like in gone with the wind

he goes back in and cleans up her mess and comforts her as shes emotional and unbalanced and sez sorry for busting up his place and being a c-ckl sucker

dont fall for it! give her the back hand!

you were king henry the 8th! chop her up!

he wants her to be his leading lady and wow we're 30 mmins in already

so later he comes back and she made him a b day caKE and cleaned up the place, and she was only off by 1 year

then some of his droogs come in and chat and sing and play music

so later fancya55 comes in saying thasnks for returning his smoke case (which i think fata55 did) and she does a peerformance to him tio show her ability

later on a bus people see the performapsls and fancya55 comes by in a  20s car

he comes by after their show and brings fatA55 And chick to meet his fellows

cop shoves fata55 along for blocking traffic and fancya55  chats with chicvk b4 she goos

later at a bar fata55 chats with xchick and gives a toaste

she sez in a decade there wont e performers on the outside and hewr rtents were flower sellers like in pygmallion

she walks out despite fasta55es orders and goes tollsee fancya55

So chick dances for a high cllass thing for fancya55 and fata55 waiyts for her at night

the next day chick is broyught back by fancya55 and they make out

she goes upstairs and fata55 is styill waiting for her as he didnt sleep and he criticizes her for being out but sahe dont care

i guess night basketbsall taught him to function w/o slleep

hes probably drunk AND they biucker a bit and i think shes gonna ditch the group

he grabs her and sahe greaks out at a hiug and runs out byt he stops her and sez he wants to marry her

she b--ches out as i think in the REAL version he was b0ning her but they cant shoew it cuz its the 30s

the other guys come out and she goes i mean he goes off

so with a mointage of playbills; we see her risingthrough the ranks andbecoming a star

theres a scebne of a theatre withpeople practicing harmonica sand cr-p shot at an angle as she dances thats kinda cool

after a scebe of her performing; shes beciome a big a55 star and fata55 is aware of it from looking at an add ffor the plasay being sold out

so shes like Jack Atlas in Yuguohg 5Ds and ARC V where she's ascended her sklum past and is saccepted by thre cool guys

except shes kinda b--chy about it and picky

fancya55 is still sdmooching her and later fata55is not performimng with the gang but their dog runs to him

a bandmate sees him buthe runs and dog follows so he ducks into a public bar

so in the show theres chicks in outfits like a masami ohbari anime and later she's giving autigraphs

fata55 comes by and he calls to her and pushes his way through but is stopped by the coips

like a dumba565 hew takes a (creally cr-ppyh) swing at a cop and is arrested

he's found the next day hanging from a lamp post by his guts as a message to thos ewho go against the cops

jk really the next day chick gets a phone call and might go to hollywood to ruin more stories into bad mnovies that change everything and censor the good stuff

fancya55 sez he wont marry her and she ok living in sin

later chick goes back to the aparte,mntand its empty and the last guy there tells her she f'd him up by ditching him after all the good he did for her

in court fata55 tells his life storyof being born in the circus like jerome in gotham who's mom was b00ning clowns

he sez how he went to see the chick llike hes the guy from perfect blue or w/e and gets 4 months in jail

dont drop the soap!

well, he IS brittish!

so later theres this blind guy going around looking like elton john and i think its fata55

it it and he meets chick and she is p-ssed at him

later in her rtoom they bicker and she tries to help him come back to his job and get off the booze

somnic sez; liqour is bad

he starts b--ching an then we see him perfporming for producers in a theatyre

he stumples on his lines when interrupted and chick helps her i mean him

he walks off and she follow and theres a swarm of fans wanting her autograpph

they reconsile and she kisses his cheek and returns to the inside

he walks on and retuerns to his singing group

the end

that wasnt so bad

nivce lite mild story

liker a cleaner less dark version of a star is born

its well acted and the momnent of the chicvk and main guy un the last encounter was like Charlie Chaplin in City Lights

good filming and style and feel and its a decent made film

simple and not too dark

For Sidewalks Of London 2 I want it to be WW2 and he's in an enemy slave camp but the masters like his singing and keep him aloive for entertainment and he and his band do different shows each night for theire captors. Also its a 32/64 bit mini game collection on Sega Saturn,. PS1, N64 and 3D0 where you play up to 4 players and work tyogether to beat mini hgames based on public domain plays

Wednesday, October 20, 2021

The Void Review

Note: I spell like thart guy from berserk! Wrong Void!!

Thge Void

This Is My Review On The Void From 2016 (The Year Of Cr-p In Robotech And Eaeth Folk Goping To Mars In Mazinsaga On Sega)

Its based on a story by H P Lovercraft and was directed by Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski who did Leprechaun Returns and PG: Psycho Goreman

It stars Kenneth Walsh from the day after tromorrow/Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver SurferFantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer/Survival of the Dead, Kathleen Munroe from Survival of the Dead, Ellen Wong from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Art Hindle (Niot Art Fortunes from Beetleborgs or Pat Hingle from the good/bad Batman filmsa) from Black Christmas and the 1993 tv movie liar liar, anbd a buncha guys I never heard of

It was made by crowdfunding like toejam and EaRL 4 AND a bunch of Piko Intreractive games, and filmed in soviet canada

reviews say its abovew average but imma do this cuz my wisconcuion homie wants me to dop this

maybe now he'd finally watch dbgt for me

So after like a minute of credits we get this guy running around as someone taker down this chick with a shotgu

these guys dump gas on her and torch her with a cigarette (whish mythbusters proved won't work)

then we see this guy in a white rovbe and a blaclk triangle on the face like some kinda daemon group klansman but no pointy hood

then credits and title

btw this is widescreen and colored

then we get this cop in a car chatting on da radio and he sees this guy stiumbling around

he chex him out andf drives him while to a radio chick and brings him to the hospital

the sttaff takes wounded guy off and alsop is thuis teen guy and girl in there, boy is patient girl is friend, watching night of the loving dead

teen girl creeps him out with photoes in a book and hospital death facts and goes off but the power in the hosp[ital flickers

theres this pregnant chick wirth her dad and they say there was a fire in this hospital b4

wounded guy is freakin out and the drs drug him and check him out as hes got wounds on him

theres am 80s/90s computer whuich makes me wonder when this takes place

cop chats with nurse and she gives him coffe or something even though pop is better

i think they are kinda in love and head dr comes by and sez wounded guy is ok but needs rest

dr talks about a kid who got it and comforts cop which i think means his kid got it

so cop looks around the hospital aND SEES A woman shanking this guys eye with a skewer while her face is covbedred in blood

shes comfused and sez its noyt her and this isnt her face andf goes at cop, so cop caps her a55 to h e double french canada!

more staff come by and are f'd up by it and cop goes off to puke asnd water his face

after some shots of Darkened Skyes cop wakes up and is told he had a seizure by drs and that a st8 trooper is come hoimself, cop gets an axe

cop sez hesgood and goes to the trooper and hetts i mean tells of his shooting

trooprt sez there was a masssacre newwarby and he suspectys the wounded guy as most ofg the blood on him wasnt his so they cuffed him to the bed

why noty juist snap wouir hand so you can squierm out?

trooper takes cops weapon and sez cops dad was a good cop

they go over who's here and cop goes to call it in but da phone dont work

he goos to his car and trys the radio but it dont work eitrher butr he sees aguy in a white sheet with a black triangle over the face

the power goes oput anfd the guy comes at him with a knife anfd pokes him but he fights the guy off

then theres a pack of em there and he rubns in

1 guy in a room is kinda devolving and has tendrils spazzing outy in his mnouth and covber with blood likle John Carpenters The Thing

so da staff treats his knife wound which is shooting blood anmd teen, who i guerss is a nurse, is freaked out

so they stopped da bleeding and the whites are out there standing silent and wounded guy wakes up and dreams out

theres trhis fleshy creature comming for him and cop breaks the bed rod and saves him, then closes the door after getting out

cop gets an axe  from a fire thing and some guys with guns come in and 1  holds a girl captive at knifepoint

head dr talx with the knife guy who's kinda posessed looking and he shanks dr in da neck

da fleshy thing comes in and rifelman caps it and it goesaxe coip goes after tr and its tentacling this guy and going in his face as the lights spazz out

it gets axed and grows a human head looking thing as the head gets blown apart by a gunshot and the creature gets chopped up by axe shots as goo spills out

oh and its not cop chopping it

so its dead and so is dr and shank guy is let the chick go after beingf pulled off

the guys beat out cop with an axe handle hit wjhen he wants em to calm down and get out and nearly axe his neck but is stopp[ed by a girl and guy

cop asks wtf is going on and leader of the guys wants to torch the body of the thing and guy who went urotsukidoji

so he's dumped out on a gurny on fire and 1 guy is smoking and a chick b--ches at him

leader tellsd em they won't stand a chance against another of those things and cuz he comments on the pregnant teen being a sl-t, the chick b--cheres out at him

pregnant teen is having womb issues and needs to nor be moved too much

cop terlls her to try to stay calm her dpown buyt chicxk sez the teen and kid in hewr are in danger and need help

cop tells the gang the teen and her kid need help and wants em to help em get supplies but they dont wanna

he says they can help eachortherr get more ammo and a gun and they agree ifd they get da gun

so thery go out and its pitch black but no vin diesal, deisal, deezel and the place with da sh-t is a bit away

preggo teen is on ther floor being cared for and worried aboyut her kid

wounded guy is handcuffed to a wall and is out cold and ther guys out there are at a car as cop trys to use da keys

nursde gets medical sh-t but a guy is behind her and it cuts to outside where the ghuys are at the car and it turns on

thertes robe guys all over and cop cap 1 with a shotgun like its devilman ova 1 and they get inside

cop sees nurse is gone and the gang is p-ssed she went off, also 1 haS a hanbd cut

cop and leader go to find chick and leader sez the cult iced the cut guys fam, but wot say what his backstorey is

its revealed that nurse chick is cops wife and after ghetting sh-t from the supply room, they go out and find a ringing phone calling from the morg

a voice calls him by name and offers to show him more and his wife had a hard time unbderstanding but he has good intentions

the voie is the dr who got it and asks if he wants to wind up like his dad and how his daugfhter getting it changed hiom and cop will understand soon and hes gonna help em

also in a box are photos olf the triangle thing

cop returns and tells teen nurse to handle things but she dont know what to do and worries about the cult comming in

cop is gonna do down somewhere and the gang interrogates the wounded guy with a hammer

wounded guy sez its the dr and he did em a favor by icing em but hes not dead now

they swing the hammer on his finger like johnny depps french wife who used a liquor bottle but just missed to scare him

he sez he went with a chick to get drugs but it was really to a farm house where they'd b0ne them in and were dressed in the robes and sacrificed people and devolved others

they are gonna throw him to the cult outside and the blankewt over the dr is there but his body aint

they go in te basement or w/e and teen nurse tels em to go to ther morg

its all dark and bluish and looks like a f--kin slup but i think rhey went down a place that shouldnt be there

yeah its a new staircase going down and and they go on it

you know, a good katana can slice through 3-5 guys in 1 swing, if they had 1 and knew how to use it, they could cut through the cult members like Golden Axe

wife wakes up in some kkinda operating room and is doozy and talking to dr about how he knows what its like to be cut up asd he talks about studying hjis own transformation

he wants to save someone he couldnt and how losing a girl ruined him as he does surgicval sh-t to his hand

imagine if you edited clips of doogie howswer in this?

so they find a room with a bnig a55 trtiangle in it that wounded guy was in a similar place b4 and the gang cleaned out a place like

wundefd guy sez they made em look at awful things wordse than people being devolved and f'd

so 16 and pregnaNTR IS POOPING OUT THE BABYAND TEENURSE TRYS TO GIVE HER A SHOT (f u caps lock) and she mellows out

in da basement is a door with the black tir angle and trhey go in with coip sdaying "this is it"

dr tells wife that after you bite it you get reincarnated and he trys tracking the steps and the body has to adsjust and i'm kinda lost

also he did black experiments that caused the fire that f'd the hospital

the creations wanna die but he wont let em and he's gonna end the tensei rebvirth thing

also he tells of her kid biting it cuz when it was born the cord strung it up

and now he's gonna bring back his daughter and when he pulls off her blanket, her but is pulsating like ther alien lair in some Contra Games

16 and pregnbant has blood on her groin and in da basement room; the gang interrogates wounded guy as this woman in red light does some psychic thing on gang leader and he starts beatibg on wounded guy

they stop him and see a devolved corpse guy banging his head on a spike in the wall and these silenty hill looking f--ks come out and the guys blow the heads with gunshotsd

teenurse is gonna c section preggo but cant

wounded junkie guy trys to garrot cop and this corpse comes up fromunder a sheet al;l twitchyt and spazzy

cop fights off junkie and they leave as the spazz corpse ghets junkie

grandpa tells teenurse to do it to xave preggo and his throaw is sliced and blood gushes out,kinda like in pewt semetary

oh it was preggo who did it who sez she was carrying the drs baby

the lights go out abnd the cult guys are there abndpreggo goes with em

teenurse goes around, uses the axe to block 1 door with 2 cult guys behind it, despityer there being more in the area and thats her only weapon, and locks heself in some room

cop goes through this house in whitye light and findsgang leader who blames him for it and fights him sayibg "you shouldve protected them"

he is pinned under an axe with the gang leader on him so he lights a flare and cooks his body

they they're back in the basement and in th uipper part, teen nurse is hiding as someone drags an axe around like its silent hill and she calls on the walkie talkie for help

cop goes around the lower area with an axe and finds wife nurse in the room with a huge gut

they have a moment and then the light goes ouyt an she's a pile of guts and tendrils and slop and dr sez he saw cop was revlived his kid bit it

cop somewtimes sees her as she usedto be and choips her up offscreeen with the axe

then theres an outline of the triangle on the wall and cop sez he sees dr as a monster who thinks he's God

dr tries to defy God and says he gained powers from forces beyond and neds 1 more thing

preggo and cult guys are behind him from outta nowhere and she shanks him in the lower right back

then preggo goes to the triangle and dr is skinless and sez his daughter will be reborn and hios followers will be transformed, including cop, who has to bite it 1st

then he does a chant to the triangle and poushes it with ki or we/e and beyond it is a white light

he puts his hand on hert head and sez to put his daughter in her and she spazzes outand ger gut pops in a bloodspray and this abomination comes out

it head crushes a clut guy and gang leader and 1 other comer in opening fire on the abomination

as it gowews after em it grabs leader weith a tentacle andleader shotguns its face but its stuff spills on him and he soaks himnseldf in lighter fluid and his homnie eventuallty uses a flare on him as the thing jams its tentacles in his body

other guy runs off as abiomionaTIUON GOES AFTER HIM and dr sez he sees the infinie astral workings as his body comes apart in the light

then cop axers him in the body but he tanks it and offers hi his wife back if he surrenders to him

he shoves thje dr through the trtigate and its gone like it never opened

remaining guy runs from trhe abomination as the walla closer behind him and helooks back to findits a solid wall whwere he just left and the hospital is normal

grandpas still dead and he finds tyeen nurse and both nearly wack wach other

then in this place like alien 1 or the doom dimension in bakugan, the cop and his wife are and theres a huge black puramid

thery hold hands and it goes black

the end

oh and credits to a 40s sounding bible song

pre production key set designe;r; damian fuchs

carpenter; keith bowser

digital matte painting; rui wang

brad jones? the cinema snob?

gary woodc-ck

this is why you should read the credits

theres some great names in there

but overall i liked this

giood 80s style horror

nice effects and gore

good creep style

nice story

good mystery

its well made and has good twists

glad i saw it

thanks to my wisconsion homie for showing me this

now watch dbgt!

For The Void 2 I want the couple from the 1st movie to be in this dark dimension and gradually be devolving into some kind of squid monkey bug creatures and the loner they stay, the more they devolve. Also its a 16 bit game like qwop on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as them and go across the weird landscape and each level changfes the controls as your body is devolving into some kind of abomination and you gotta relearn how to move

Thursday, October 14, 2021

Something Borrowed Review

 Noye; i spell unborrowed

something borrowed

this is my revirw on Something Borrowed from 2011 (The year of the 1st Robotech War and Transformers The Headmasters)

Its directed by luke greenfield who did The Girtl Next Door, The Anbimal and Lets Be Cops

it stars Ginnifer Goodwin from zotopia, kate hudson, Colin Egglesfield from Drop Dead Diva, John Krasinski from the office, Steve Howey from DOA: Dead or Alive, Ashley Williams from The Good Doctor, Geoff Pierson from Designated Survivor and Jill Eikenberry from Batman Beyond

I never saw this but its on tv and is based on a book by Emily Giffin I never read

People say it s-cked but i like cr-ppy movies so i may enjoy this

so after some logos we get this chick hpoing to a club and in it is a surprioze b day

the credits go by and in thre ladys room jim from the office comes in to warn pain chick of a crazy chick

later cxrazy comes by and trys to seduce jim but he dont consent and this guy nasmed dex like the masked rides and his meathead homie talk to main chick about how main chick wasn't surprised

kate gives a slifdeshow about how she was bffs with main chick and they both knew jim

kate wound up falling in love with dex and she sez maIN CHICK I HER BEST HOMIE AND HAPPY 30TH b day

im reveals to meathead hes not i love with main chick andf the party goes on

kate is drunk and credits say hilery swank produced this

main chick whines about wasting her 20s and dex coimes back to get kates purse and main chick goes in to helkp him

dex andf main chick go out for 1 last drink and a 5kank trys to seduce dex but he dont nortice

dex sez he wanted to teach school anddrex jokes to 5kank that shes making his "gf" uncomfy

maimn chick sez she had a crusdh on him in school andf thery take a car and make out in the back seat

then title and chick wakes up in bed wirth dex implying they b0ned

kate calls them a bunch and worries he cheeted on her

dex boox it and maincjick answers da fone and kate sez dx never came home

dex calles k98 and main chuck flashes back to her law school days of wearing glasses and being a klutz and dex i think helps her

main chck watches a movie a guy driowns a paycho b--ch holding a knife and dex calls

kate sezdex sez he got driunk and blacked out at his meatheads place but axcts guilty

so later k8 is getting ready for her weeding and crying and worried anbd main chuk flashes back to her school days having a bad laugh and getting along with maybe dex

huh, in some scenes msain chick looks like the chick from the good spiderman movies

they talk about their 1srt kisses and dex meets k8 and k8 is a fun party girl

k8 dares dex to ask main chick on a realk d8 but when she sez they are just friends, k8 dares him to ask k8 on deal d8

they hot it off and back in present; k8 later sez meathead is into main chik

so jim and msaimn chick are going on a weekend away abnd k8 pullz up and in her van is meathead and dex

so they go to the hamptons in soviet new york and have fun in a montage

so after a day of drinking on the beach, k8 has a toast to her last suymmer b4 marriage  and they go to a party at a bar

jim worries about crazy chick and meaTHEADF  is more cheesy with girls

he tells mainm chik about him saving a croppled chimpmunk thsat fell outta a tree

he offers her chronic as he';s a  junkie and she sez no but then falls for his trap

latter k8 dex meat head and main chick are in a room and oh j--z in the a55! hes got  a man bun!

well, kind of a cr-ppy a565 gaijin topknot

k8 and dex go off to b0ne and crazy chick trys to sleep injims room but he tells her hes gone queer and isnt into her

she wants to turn him straight and will start tomorrow

try suckking it outta him!

so the next day main chickk is called in to work and dex drive her back to the furure city

in da car they talk aboiuy why he kissed her and he sez he wasnt that drunk

lateer main chick chats with jim and jims acting gayly

at a restrant k8 sez she thinks the furure husnand and bff are upset about the relationsjip change and they go with it

k8 jokes with them about main chick kissing dex and it makes her uncomfy

l8 they see disss 90z kover band and k8 skps it to get botox

dex is there and reveals e had a thing for her in school and he wishes she told him and now hes more into her and dont know what to do

she sez its too l8 and leaves but he follows and therry make out and sdhe sez she feels the same for him

this is going robotech with a love triangle

so later main cjhick and k8 are back at the hamptons and crazy chick went full sjw supporting gayness

jim sez his apartment flooded andlater dex sez himmoms doing better for being exicted of the wedding as she had depression

dex is worried he he cant make mom happy she's gonna seppuku

layer meat head goes in the ocean to get an octopu crawl up his a55 amd k8 wonders whats up  with dex

k8, in mimni shorets, plays by the sea with dex and main chick dont like it

at da partrty jim trys acting queer with meat head who dont conxzent to throw off crazy chick

main chick dances with meat head  and k8 and main chick try to out 5kank each other n the dance floore

main chick pulls something and falls and goes off as shes not used to being a h0

later at work sshe finds flowers from dex and she calls him and shhe sez she doont  like seeing him with him

he sez hes gonna take time away on Independence Day to see her and say ityts work

jim comes in and she sezthe flowers are from meat head, whos named marcus, which is the name of 50 cent in get rich or die trying, whos around as devolved as him

jim fiuggers it out and comfortsa her and she sez she dont want to want him and jim sez if thinbgs were the other way; k8 wouldnt w8

main chik sez k8 and k8 readsa a poem she wroe fior dex thats f'd

main chimp helps k8 write main chicks feelings as a speech and ten texts dex to say sjhe consents to Independence Day

So its the day and she goes down to meet him at her placew ands wears a flowery dress that shows off her pits

soviet new york is empty as the perople are out b0ning in a secks pit in the ritual that devolves them into the slug like ape daemons thy came from

after a nice dasy offscreen they talk about how when he met k8 he thought she set them up and she sed she never thought someone like him would like her

its like that yugioh zexal song; take a chance

k8 is having another drunk party and dex b0nes main chick

the next day they wake up togetehr IN BED and  he sez he loves her

on a walk his parents come by and they have a meal or w/e

mom seems happy and  dad sez he has to do whats right and stop b0ning main chick as itys not the kind of people they are

like in robotech with lisas dad not prtobably liking her involved with either kyle or rick(if he didn't wing up in h e double alaska b4 it was revealed)

laster he tells her he meant he loves her and later jim tells her not to go with dexc as he might be faking it or stringing her along

also jim is moving to london as a publichser is into his novel

at the park, meat head is sk8boarding and kinda s-cking at it and later tells main chick he tried tro j-rtk off but couldnt and now he's not into her despite her being hot as he connects her with failure

aso he sez his dad is dex's dfad';s realtor and dex's dad is buying dex and k8 a house for millions

latr k8 calls asking about main chick seeing meat head ans askis if hes got the skin on his man thing

dex talks and she sez meat head is cut

later main chick is at wortk and avoiding calls from dex as he got a house with k8

then she goes on a party time with the girls and later k8 asks if shes gonna marry meat head

dex calls and wants to come up but k8 is there and she sez its jim and k8 thinks she's b0ning jim

k8 yells out the windowe and dex hides and k8 dances to music like a rap 5kank

oh its the song push it

so they're sleeping on the floor and having a kind moment of k8 being glad main chick accepts her as she is (a drunk 5kank?)

k8 and main chick are glad to be in all each others big moments and main chick is gonna trell her but k8 sez they'd never let anyone hurt each other and main chick queers out

da next day k8 asks if she should marry dex and she trusts her as she knows her well and is smart

k8 sez she's like no one dex knows and they balance each other out

k8 wonders if her love for him is enuff for marraige andmasin chick sez to marry him

also k8 reveals she cheeted on dex with a guy from work and felt bad about it as i guess she's a 5kank

l8 jim ants her to end the engagement and trys to get main chick to rebel against k8 like some k9nd of devil on her shoulder

also k8 made it to notre dame and turned it down but jim sez she lied as its not possible and the letter she had was a denial

jim sez that they are all going to h-ll anyway so she might as well do something for herself

l8r they are on the beach again for like the 6th time and playing badsmittien and k8 lets on that she thinks main chick is b0ning jim

also jim has a yugioh thing where they play badmitten and every point makes em spilla secret and jim and main chick play k8 and dex

k8 gets a point and tells kim was b0ning main chick and crazy chick is shocked hes not queer but meat head sez that makes sense that he is

after an epic duel, jim gets a poiunt and is gonna tell the secret and main chick nails him with the racket

later jim is p-ssed about her involving him in her cr-p and not choosing a side and sez even if she asks; k8 wont let her have dex

main chick has enought of his sh-t and strikes him down with a fatal blow to the face

jk really la8er at a bar crazy chcik is bummed ji isnt into her

she breaks a ptucher and slices her bellw op[ewn as her guts spill on the floor and she saysb "it was all for you"

jk but dex sez k8 is bummed about something and she sez tyo man up and make a choice on what to do with his future

she storms ou in the rain and has a flesh back about when k8 met dex and how she left him to that bimbo

but dex followed her to see if shes ok and asks if she's ok with them being together and she sez yes

seeing the error of her ways, she goes back todex and sez she shouldn't have left him with her and tells him to cancel the wedding and say he cant marry her

good for her to grow soem testrickles for once and tells him she loves her

he sez he cant and she walks off

the next day dex xomes over and sees her hanging from the traffic light with her guts spilling on the floor

jk really we get A MONTAGE OF HER BEING BUMMED AND later its soviet london with the gaijin knifing guuy all the time

in the air porte she sees jim holding a sign and its a few days b4 the wedding and she sez to k8 she needed time despite being the maid of homor

medal of honer gear slog xx

crazy chick agrees to be the replacement and later main chick sez she wanted to be dex's 1st choice and not by defaulty by outing them cheeting

jim reveals hes gay for her and she dont accept it and he regrets not going for the crazy chick

so maimn chick sez k8 is not bad and goes back to soviet new york to be in da weeding and dex is at her place

dex called off da wedding and sed he cant marry her a few hours ago and k8 chimped out

he thanks her for being in his life wen he made bad choices and they kiss

then k8 comes over and dex is gone and k8 sez she called off fass wedding and dex was thinking the same thing

k8 knows main chick wasnt b0ning dex and meat head as crazy chick told her and she b0ned meat head on independence day and saw hes uncut

alsok8 b0ned her a lot and they get along as both are bimbo air heads

also k8 is pregnant and fell for his story of the chipmunk

better test for hiv too

k8 leaves and comes back seeing dex's jacked and knows main chick is up to something

shhes not stoopid

she looks for him and b--ches at him despite her being 5kankier and sez she hatews her and dont wanna see her again and storems out

so 2 months later k8 and maion chick meet and she sez sorry to k8 for hurting her and k8 sez she's been jealous of k8 since k8 got into notre dame

she sez she mnisses k8 and k8 sez shes happpy now and walks off wavcing bye

maiimn chick gers a call aND GOES TO DEX WHO'S JUST EATEN FERGUYS AND thry go off and hold hands

then credits bit a mid credits scene of jim in soviet england and k8 comming after him

to be continues

the end

that was pretty good

nice fun, good jokes, nice music and visuals

itys got good color and while beinng crude, is pretty good

i enjoyed it despite these people being 5kanks

good friendship and feels and some good themes

glad i saw it

for something Borrowed 2 i want it to be a year later and kate brings the meat head and dex over to a talk show and tries to find out who is really the baby's dad. also its a point and click adventure fmv game on tg16 cd, sega cd, sega saturn, playstation, panasonic 3do and phillips cdi where you choose different answers to questions and get different endings with the other freaks on the show like inbreeders and guys in love with their pets.

Wednesday, October 13, 2021

The Crisis Review

 Note; i spwell historiocaLLY ACCURATE

The Crisis

This is mt review on Tje Crisis friom 1916 (A century before the world was destroyed in Mazin Saga on Sega)

iTS BASED ON A ww1 i MEAN cICIL wAR nOVEL BY Winston Churchill (not the brot mo who celebrated when pearl harbor gpot hit) that i never heard of

it stars George Fawcett from The Merry Widow/Flesh and the Devil/ Son of the SAhiek/ The Wedding March, Matt B. Snyder who was in the REAL Civil war, Eugenie Besserer from Scarface/The Jazz Singer/Flesh and the Devil/ The Circle, Marshall Neilan (Blanch Sweet's husband) froom the 30s A Star is Born, Alfred E Neuman I mean Green  from Disraeli/The Jackie Robinson Story, Tom Mix and a bunch of 11800s dudes i never heard of

I never saw this b4 but there was a Classics Illustrated Comic Book based on it

So after a title we see both flagsof America, Union and Confederate, and Lincon putting his hand on a slaves head to do some kinda daemon worship cult thing

then its the South and they have Slave Owners Rights and the yankees are against it

but there's an issue if the New States will be feree or slave

although with the dred scott case; the slavewry issue was decided by the supreme court, so we don't need to make new laws to deal with a settled issues

so this colonel of st lewis, his aughter and a judge are having dinner and daughter plays a song on piano that gives 1 guy a flashgback to his childhood and meetying a hunchback

hes sent away but tries to getr in (i think its the judge)  and daugfhter comforts him

judge goes off with her and wait, i think thats her dad the col

later hopper comes frim soviet massechuses to srt leweis and isn't liked for beiung a yankee

col gets a letter from judge to accept his offer or sometyyhing, its in handwriting so its hard to read

oh this guy brice and his  mom are coming over

later this guy trys purse snatching a guys sh-t but judge fires his pisto,. to scare the guy awayu

then jusge gives the guy a jobn and i think its hopper

so judge and col debate over political issues of the day and later daughter comes by her dads office

a lady comes by to buy clotyhes and dsaughters cousin hel;ps  her out

judge comes by and sees cousin being b--chy and cousinb cal;ms down

so this guy brice and mom come by and he's gotta deal with a 900 $ thing that he's gonna do at the bank on the way to the judge

judge sees in the paper theres a slave sale and this girl, wait, i got judge and col mixed up i think. wel daughter wants col to buy her this slave

the slave sale is shown to be rough, although kids often got beat by their parents and teachers well into the 1960s

a yankee bids against cousin and later the brices rent a cottage and brice is invited to daughters b day party

at da partee daa col thinks of his wife and smells her dress

laterthey are dancing and some don't  like the yankee hopper beiing there

daughter dfances wityh a guy but they all have the same hair and outfit so i dont know who's who

later the guests go home and its summmer and judge gives brice a ticket to lincons thing at the lincon duglass debate

judge sends lincon a note saying he wants him to meet brice and brice and lincon talk

there's a big doyuglass parade outside and like birth of a nation; it uses smoke to make it look like theres more guys

so douyglas and lincon debate over Slave Owners Rights and linconm doeres better

dougmal and linconb part on good terms and latewrlater at the col's summer home he gets a letter i can't read

later juidge is getting a hug from this girl i think its daughter helps him with hisd coat

wait i think its not daughter as later, waiot, shes helping him in bed and later cousin gets wait, its brtice, getting a letter from colonel

so later daughtewr sez to colonel that,m weait, col sez to daughter that brice is ciomming and he comes

brice and col see judge in bed living there and brice tells about lincon abndf wrote an article in the gazzette fort it

so later brice goes back to look after his mom and later in st lewis they hear linxcon is nominasted for prez

1 guiy who likes daughter wants to man up for him io mean her

so judge is kinda f'd out and col warns if lincon isd elected; the south will leave ther union

kinda like America leaving englasnd in 1776 or Polands leaving Austria after WW1

col trys to get judge to drink something for liocon as judge is kinda F'D

SO LATER AN AIUNT wants to hold a costune party and worries of a black republican coming

larry elder? Ben carson? kanye weast? easy E?

oh she don't wanna go if the guy is comming

at da cosplauy thing this guy comes by looking like davy crocket and 1 girl has a note

davy crockert guy is with another chick and gets a note and goes off

daughter meets a guy dressed like a 1776 guy she mistook foir her cousin

he sez sorry for bugging her and rides off

crockett comforts this possibly daughtyer and later its revealed thart lincon got elected

everyone freajks out like when Truump got in and later judge buys col's furniture at an auction

i think they missed a reel

so col gets a letter and later daughter is out in the grass

col puts his cr-p in a suitcase(including big boots like that ep of arthur where brain wanted to do a tim capsule and binky wantewd to put those unclke slam boots in)

this guy with bad hair hots on daughter and wants to marry her and sez her dad isd desparate

she sees a slave packing for him and she asks col if he borrowed money from him

col scares hiom off and he books it and tells daughter they are as poor as white trash

So brice goes to the service and says bye ti his mom and col goes offto war too

judge is f'd up and his slace helps him and theres a big battle between union and copnfederaste and, like bith of a nation; the smoke makes the battlefield look like its full

on june 22 the musouri regiment is digging a tunnel to jackson like its nam

pretty good batttle sacenes

on june 25 they go in a mine below fort jackson and theres a lot of smoke blasts

so the batytle rages on and the confederates are outta caps but 1 guy goes ofgf top get more in a shack

he goes acropss the river in a bboaty, gets em, and heads bacl as the boat is mostly under water and he paddles

as he goes through the woods he gets capped by a yabnkee and the battle goes on

the yankees attack but the south fights back

on july 3vicksburg falls and a city is being busted by enemy shells

good night burning and contrast with the bright fire anbd daRK city

brice uses his sway with sherman to get safe passage for some guys

daughter anbnd judge are inside and i think daughter is with this bearded guy

brice mom gets a note i cant read and later this guy, i think yankee hopper asks daughter if she likes bricve

she sez she hates him but brice saved her, wait, its this guy saying he hates brice but brice saved him but sent him back to her

she sez she'd never love a yabkee and kisses his forehead

meanwhile col fights on and hears his homie judge is biting it in the paper

hopper or whoever is the guy is going back to the front and asks daughter to masrtry him after the war but she dont reply

col i think sneaks backl and a guy follows him but backs off to avoid being seen

col sees judge buthes blind i think and col crys for hus friend

alsso he meets his daughet who crys for him, wait, it might not be her

she checks jidghes desk andfinds a book with stuff written in it and a yankeee comees in

the guy following em comes in and the yankee is brice

following guy thanks brice for saving him buthe sez itsa cuz of her hthey made it

the saved guy goes off and biumps into a guy and goes with him

judge asks TheLord to help daughter's dad col and i notice the judge lookds a bit like rodney dangerfield

he sez bye to brice andto hold lincons image before him as hes a man after linconmds and judges hearts

tthen asks dauighter to play the song again and she doies

he bites it and daughter cries and the guy who sez col owe him money sez to marry him or he''d have her dad hung

he grabs her, in the real version i think he was trying to b0ne her, also; like wit that guy coing after the chicks in birth of a nation

but brie comes in and tthrows him down

money guy, wtf, thats hooper?! i cant tell these guys apart!

so brice tells hooper he knows hooper was making deals with the Confederatews, like with Edwards and the Invid in Robotech, and tells him to gtfo or hes telling sherman

so later cousin is court martialled as a spy and the battle continues beytween north and south

col is capped and sez to send word tyo daughter

a soldier tells daughter and later brice meets lincon to ask to pardon cousin

lincon knows the cousin wants to mmarry daughter as i guess this is shelbyville

daiughter mewets lincolon who asks if shes gonna marry her cousin

she was but sez she dont love him

but the guy who saw col is there, defended cousin and also asked to pardon him

lincon signs a pardon like Trump saving the Tiger King goy and  hopes  the Southers see him as a good guy, despite him starting the civil war and being like King George 03 to the Souths 13 colonies

he sez he feels for the south and it pains him to have them pain

also he sez Daughter loved the American Flag and hopes both north and South can look at it with love

even though decades laster self hating Americans burn it and dump on the Land of the Free for a few issues from long ago

and he;'s not gonna hang Confederatews but hang onto em

lincon goes off and brice asks if she lvbes him and she sez she fought it but yes

later she's with him in a dark room and a slkave brings em the paper

i think linmcon got j fk'd andthey go to a flag coffin

then both American Flags next tyo each other

the end

that was decent

its kinda hard to keep track of who's who, esp with the bad fiulm quality

it tells a good styory thats kinda like Birth of a Nation but covers the lead up to, and some of, the war

sorta like robotech with the love on opposite sides of a war

its an early film but holds up and has good feels

i never read the book but this was pretty well made and while not as epic as birth of a nation, its not a bad film

glad i saw it

for The Crisis 2 I want it to be the rconstruction and the yankees and carpet baggers and other malcontents are oppressing the south and tyhe daughter, who is tired of injustice, trains her body to be big and beefy like a pro wrestler and goes out as a masked hero taking on carpet baggers and yankees and regegades and malcontents. Its also an 8 nit action game like Nightmare Circus but not as complex and hard to do on NES, Nameboy, Master System, Gamer Gear, TG16, Atari 7800 and Lynx where you play as her and fight different areas takesn over by the baddz

Thursday, October 7, 2021

The Human Centipede 3 Final Sequence Review

 Note; my spelling fits this movie

The Human Centipede 3 Final Sequence

This is my review on The Human Centipede 3 Final Sequence from 2015 (The year of Alien Soldier on Sega Genesis and somew Robotech cr-p)

Its a super hero movie like Antman or The Blue Beetle

Jk really Its the last part of the Human Centipede Trilogy from This Centuries Marquis De Sade: Tom Six

I never saw any of these but read up on em on Wikipedia and laffed my a55 off at how f'd they got

I talk about these movies all the time and often joke about eating human waste

But just like my cannibal jokes; i never do it in real life

The 1sdt HC movie was, relativly speaking, a normal horror, the 2nd onme was all the blood and poop we expected, and this one is just wrong for the sake of wrong

This is not only rated one of the worst movies ever made, but also the main actor wanted out as he hated the character he was forced to play by contract

It stars Dieter Laser and Laurence R. Harvey from the 1st 2 films, Tommy "Tiny" Lister from Austin Powers 2, Jay Tavare from Street Fighter with another Europeany guy: Jean Claude, Eric Roberts from The Cable Guy/DOA: Dead or Alive/The Dark Knight/The Expendables/Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper / A Talking Cat!?! and an a55 load of other sh-t, Bree Olson from p0ren0, Clayton Rohner from April Fols Day, the dr from the human centipede 2 and the japanese guyy from the human centipede 1

enough j-rkin off! time for some sh-t!!

so it starts with the end of the last movie where the devolved guyy from the 1st fiom has the dead guys behindf him and its all just a secks fantasy

btw this is super widescreen

so it turns ouyt its the 2nbd movie being watched by boll bossd and his devoilvced assistant and bill a55 bill hates it

his bimnbo slave daisy likes em cuz i ghuerss shes a degenerate and he mo lests her for it (also i guess shesa not wearing undies as he reaches undfer her miniskirt with his finger)

devolved guy has an idea but theres an issue and on the way there; devolved guy sez their prison is the modst f'd one in the Nation and has the worst crooks who keep going back tio crime

in 1 cell is an inmate being b--chy and he vows to deal with him later

i gotta say; good atmosphere of this scene

The sandy tanned dusty feel reminds me of a more arizona version of The Crow City of Angels

1 guard got his arm f;d by an inmate and he snaps the convicts arm he j-rks off with, then says he'd snap ity AGAIN when heaLED

also he says racial things and pulls out a gun and fires wjhile ret-rdedly yelling about needing respect

i love it! I'm grinning at howe over the top it is!

this feels like something a disgruntled middle schooler would make

so lsater the devolved guy llikes the bimboandf she closes the door so he cant see her

a package comes in (like a p0rn0?) and boss wants to bring back torture like midieval times

devolved guy sez 4/10 offenders reoffend and bimvbo bringsd in ther package but he yells at her to go

the package has african girl crotchnes he eats for strength as in africa; they have gender equality for circimscisions (like candya55 trudeau wants??)

thern boss (from maZINGER Z?) gets a call from a guy wanting to raepe him

he eats a handfull of crotches and hides under the desk with his gun and  devolved guy sez an inmate got the phone for a bit after checking

bimbo comes in aND SEZ bosses dr called for a pgusical and when he goes in he's not going with the dr's ideas of getting a heart test

he tests himself ands sez hes ok and then is gonna water boards the guy who wANTED TO a55 raepe him

but the water isn't poiling so he sez to get better water and bimbo sez the governor is comming in 20

the gusrds bring back the boiling water and he water boards him and cooks his face buurned like freddy kreugar

so gobbernor erich roberts comes in and binmbo trys to seduce him so they can use a harassment thing against him but it dont work

he offers eric cigars but eric only smokes cubans and boss goes on about how mondo cool America is, wait, how bad communisam is

wtyf the devolved guy is namned butler!

rhetts dna ghot devolved since the 1800s

eric b--ches at boss for "bad leadership" annd sez as this is an election uyear; he wants results and in a fortnite: if things ain't better; he's replacing him

as eric leaves; boss goes o a tourettres tirade aagainst his commie a55

good f--k he just keeps going on and on in that ret-rded voice!

I'm having a great time and laughing aat this!

This  movies great!

Its like Richard McbEEF!!

after kind of a mental fit, he wants the inmates all having their parts torn off buut devolvo serz its too much

boss wants the convicts in the yard but its 120- degrees out

so the inmates are in the yard and he yells insults at em from a tower from a megaphone

he vows to remove their parts tpo make em sissy and has 1 imate who wanted o a55 raepoe him taken in

he heats a blade with a blowtorch and makes a really f'd face, puts him on the wall and neuters him

we see it and he tells devolved guy to cook em as he smearsa his face and head with crotch blood

later after b00ning the bimbos mouthm she has issues with devolved guy watching but he dont care

he reveals he got her dad outta prison and she owes him like its bad svu but less gayness, and makees her swallow his j-zz

just looked it up on imdb and it got 18+ rating everywhere except for norway/sweden amnd denmark at 15+, indonedia at 21+ and erm,any/malasia and the candy a55 phillipines who banned it

you know many things worse than this movie happen there, but fiction of fake people fakely being f;d? ban it!

she wants a candy for the taste and eats a crotch despite devolvor trying to stop it

then ther guards bring over the neutrered guys parts and he eats em

another german cannibal? what is this? the brothers grimm?

boss sees in da paper another inmate was executed and wants neutering to be the final solution to the crime issue

devolvor wants to tell his idea but boss is eating and gets a call that an inmate woke up

he goes to the med zone and pulls the banmdages off the water boarded guys face and jokes about his redness

Then snaps the broken arm guys fingers and tells the dr tomorrow they'll have a mass neutering of inmnates

dr sez this prison hospital is the only place that lets him work without his liscence

then boss taunts neutered guy for geiung sossy now and hewutered guy  vows to butt f--k bposs with barb wire and necro raepe boss's parents

boss sttrangles neuiutered guy and kills him but gets the dr to shock him alive, only for boss to stranghle him again

aii keel dees kre chure twice!

i laughed hard at that

thisa guy is so f--ked up!

its like riki-oh or something!

So devolvo wants dr to watch ther human centipede movies and he sed he did and liked em

later boss comewws in drunk with a gun and sez hjes gonna cap everyone there includoing him self as the neutering program didn't work

when devolver b--cxhes at him, he calls him an "ugly piece of mutant sh-t" in such a mental voice i laughed

devolver sez he has the answer; make all the prisopners into a human ventipede to keep ther prisoners in line and will make peopler stop doing crimnes

boss thinks it wont work but devolver got bimbo to get N APPOINTMENT WITH TOM SIX as its 100% medically accurate

boss don't wanna talk to tom six abnout his poop fetish, which i guess is tom six coming out in a way by wrtiting this line, but europe is very open minded and tolerant of alternative lifestyles so they probably celebraTE IT over there

boss fires devoldec guy whjo sez he used to look up to him (but hes a gigantic f--k!) and calls him an a55 hole

devolver walks out and boss yells spome undeciferable sh-t at him and drinks more, then puts his head in the garbager can and yells

then eats a crotch and gets gis megaphonbe and insults the people from the tower buty theres no one out there

this seems like it was written by tom six and his nephew while playing xbox

later boss is drnking in the caf and the inmates come in and he's freaked out and wimpering cuz he knows he's f'd

the neitered guy cuits a hole in his  kidney and b0nes it as blood  slipps out

he cut him open amnd f'd his guts?? this is llke something I'd dmake!

also devolvo is sicxking a dudes thing

but it turns out its just a dream and tom six comes over

devolvo comes in and boss aims a gun at him but devolved guy wants to givce him 1 more chance

tom comes in and bimbo gwets his autographh and devolved guy suxcks up to him about all the parodies and p0rn0es of it

then dr comes in after reviving the neiitered guy again

ddevolved guy wants to make a human cenitpede here and tom sez he met a surgeon in europe who could make one

btw; tom six does seem like the kind of guy to go to a jail to make a real human centip[ede

h-ll he gave a high school teacher aN AUtographed box set of the movies agfter teacvher showed a grade 10 class the 2nd one

so tom brought the drawings and operation report and dr sez it can be done

and the poop wouldnm'ty be dangerous as its staying in the trACK AND WONT BE CONTAMINATED BY OUTSIUDE SH-T

and ifd you give em vitamins they can lve a life of the human vewntipede

boss thinks its the ultimate and wants to do it but devolded guy sez they gotta release the inmates eventuaslly

so he wants to not remove teeth ort cut tendons and just uise injections and a mouthj thing to hold it open and learther straps so once released; its just a scar on mouth and annus

dr sez tthis goes against his dr oath, but if he don't he'df get fired

sounds like real life with the big med devolving us

so tom sed his original idea was sewing a child mo lesters mouth to a fat truck drivers anus

look ouit hollywood! all you child lusters are gonna eat sh-t!

boss has an iddea and tom gives consent to do it if he can watch

dr ssez they need to test prisoners for parasites and boss is  gonna show the inmates both movies for movie night and tell em they're next

he does and the inmates say quotes from reviews for the rewal movies

then boss comes out with a machinegun, fires in the air and tells them they're next

devolved guy sez this is gonna get em, f'd and the inmates fiot

boss does not open fire on em for some reason and esacapes to his office and locks daisy out

the big black guuy beats on her as the japanese guy is j-rkin off to it and boss jumps out tgher window

then the ruiiot teem comes in ands wastes the rioters

devolved butt ler finds boss borot iunder a tree and sez they caught embut beat the bimbo bAd butn  he dont care

he yells at a bird for a while and later goes around with a tranq gun capping inmates

gotta love how he does it himself instead of passing the buck onto his minions

he gets a b00ner from the inmates being submissive and dances around and singsd

then boss reads from a script about what they do to make the human centipede

You know how they had the Saturday AM Watchmen or wanted to do an Alliens kids show?

Theme song to The human Centipede The Animated Series on Fox Kids!

Huuuu maaaaaaaaan! Cen ti pede!

MasTer AlWays Gives Us Just What We Need!

Huuuu maaaaaaaaan! Cen ti pede!

Out Of The Butt We AlWays Feed!

Huuuu maaaaaaaaan! Cen ti pede!

NevEr Do Drugs Like Meth Or Weed!

Huuuu maaaaaaaaan! Cen ti pede!

We alWays BeHaive Or Else We Bleed!

so the inmates are spazzing out from the drugs and dr is having several teams makes 3 man cenitpedes andf they are taken out to be connected to each other

also 1 inmate has chrons disease and has constant runshas the neutered guy sewen to his a55

neutered guy begs not to be ceitipeded and boss mocks him by saying his whining gives him a b0ner

also 1 guy has a stoma aND can't be equipped to the human centipede as his rectrum is sewn shut

boss thinks its groos amd checks if its fake and pulls off his poop bag and it squirts

boss wants dr tro put him to sleep (which is lefgal in soviert canada thanks tyo candy a55 trudeau) but dr has morals and wont murder an innocent man

so after dr leaves, boss puts a gun in the stoma and blows him open

tyhat was so f--ked up i laughed

boss then has devolved guy clean the blood and sh-t off his gun

after capping anbopther prisioner they see daisy and she's in a coma and devolved guy wants her treated in a real hospital

devolved guy sez he loves daisy but boss sez; even the corpse of a spaztic would turn him down, f odff" and gets on her and b0nes her body

this is like evangelion but we're not meant to be sereious or meaningful

wehich makes it better as that was 'fd

later boss wants to premier the ceitipede to the governor AND ais fgonna be under budget

boss eats more african crotches and they role play boss as governer and devolved guy as boss

fake gov loves america nnowe ands never smokes cubans now and sees him as an american herpo who made samerica a golden era

devolved guy sez it was really his idea and boss spazzes out looking in a mirror

then tom six comes by and wants to prove its medically accurate

they come across an inmate eating his own cr-p aND wants to be in the human centipede

so boss shoots him a few times so no one will enjoy it

even butt f--king tom six thiks its wrong and in the operating room they sewe a face to an a55 with the needle going through and pulling them together

then they go on to a room and peoples limbs are being sawed off and it makes even tom six barf

later the centipede is finished and giverner eric roiberts comes in and fires them

but boss sucks up to his a55 and sez he got ther prison fixed and ericv sez : u talk so much sh-t, ur a55 must be jealous!

What a great line!

he showws him the 500 man human centipede and eric roberts is confused at wtf this is

devbolved guy sez despite more money going into jails; people keep gpoing back to comitting crimes

i blame the president at the time

so now this human prison centipede will deter criminals from their acts

boss is happy and having fun at all these crooks eating each others sh-ts and howe now they are all equal in their situation and musdt get along despite racial, cultural, and status differences

also daisy acciddentally got sewed into the human centipede and is filling up on recycled poop

they save money on staff, guards, books, and other things and boss wants to loop em in a cirvcle so they eat the same sh-t forever

like in The Simpsons how nelson solved world hunger by putting the digestive tract's anus in its mouth

the prison money they save can go to schools and hospitals like the demnocrats want, but without taking away the cops so we won't devolve into venezuala

the a55 end of the centipede has an unclean anus so devolved guy wipers it (A callback to him b0ning the human centipede in part 2)

then bill boss shows eric roberts the human caterpillar, which is the death row inmaTES with their arms/legs sawed off and swen a55 to mouth

then shows a guy wjo just got out of centipedism ands has some mouth and anus scars that will shjow everyone he was in the a55 mouth

he's turned his ways around and wont go back to grime

erich robertes is disturbed by this sh-t eating amnd thinks boss and brett i mean butler will be executed for this

although if he WAS to be executes, it would be for all thje worse sh-t eric never saw like killing prisoners and eating that guys pasrts

boss trys to blame devolved butler on it but erich has left

boss pulls his revolver and is gonna end himself but is then gonna do devolved guy

dr comes in and wants to do a national campaiugn of human centipedes but boss caps him and then blows one in his head

too bad it didn't show  it onscreen anbd his head popping

he's gonna end devolved guy but eric comes back and realizerd "this isd exactly what America needs" and "might get him elected president"

and as convicted felons can;'t vote: He's not gonna worry aboutr the crook vote!

and he's gonna show his DC pals and goes off to tell erm

devolved guiy is glad his idea worked ND BOSS HUGS HIM, then bows one in the head for "stealing boss's idea" and puts the gun in butlers hand

then we see boss naked in the tower (but he's covered from the waist down by the tower wall) screaming in a megaphone over the centipede as America's themne song plays

Production trucks provided by Avon?

The make up guys?

And a lot of people in here seem to bre related to Tom Six

the end

that was awesome

i honestly laughed more than most films

its crass, stoopidd and devolved

biut it works

the best parts are how bat sh-t insdane bill boss is!

its like a blaxploitation film; so over the top itys great

look at dolemite!

plus the chrons disease guy looked like doug ford or brock lesnar

i had a great time with this and its so wroing its amazing

the main actor yellling in his accent is just too much and the way he's up to 112 the whole time makes the film

What did the German Cannibakl call his least behaved son?

Brat Worst!!!

It fits as this guy eats crotches

i showed the wikipedia article to my yugioh homie and he couldn't finish reading it as it was too f--ked up

its f--ked up like tom green or something: awful on purpose and it has fun with it

i ask: ramnnk these directors: Tom Green, Ton Six, Tommy Wiseau

tom green and six make bad films bad on purpose but they are enjoyable

I'm glad I saw this and a lot of people think its cr-p but they just don't get it

its intentionally awful! Thats the point!

I loved it and would describe it as good bad fun!

For The Human Centipede 4 Extra Segment: I want Canada to be lead by a clone of the Marquis De Sade (As he's a pro abortion, queer, french atheist and he decides to forcibvly entegrate everyone in canada into one Sea To Sea Human Centipede! Also its an 8 bit game on NES, Gameboy, Master System, Game Gear, TG16, Atari Lynx and 7800 where you gotta solve math problems by connecting the right numbers tattooed on the people together as you build your Human Centipede