Saturday, October 23, 2021

Sidewalks Of London Review

 Note: I spell without the EXTRA U's like da britz!

Sidewalks Of London

This is my revierw on sidewalks of London from 1938

It starts charles laughton, vivien leighh, rex harrison, Gus McNaughton from Storm in a Teacup, Edward Lexy from The Winmslow Boy, Maire O'Neill friom the 51 A Christmas Carol, CyrilSmith from Storm in a Teacip, Ronald Smith from Brighton Rock, and a few 1900s dudes I never heard if, homie

its duirected by Tim Whelan (Like Weylan-Yutani from Alien?!) who did the 40s thief of bag dad and nothing i saw

I never saw this but its also called St Martins Lane, London After Dark and Partners Of The Night\

Huh, its produced by Erich Pommer whgo did Metropolis

so after like a minute of credits to nice backgrounds, we get text saying in soviet london frin starts on da street and theser performers perform to make money

we see people singing and playing acordian ike hes weird al jan kovich

1 guy is swarmed with peeons for an autograph and a chick almost gets 1

its oin good b/w and has fullscreen

a fata55 announces some performapal cvandy a55 in attackmode and no one cares

he looks like a striaght james corden

wait, hes the performer and is doing a spoken wortd thing like a rap but not as homie

chick slugs him cuz he was holding her wrist of womething  and no one gives him movey for his cr-=p

then some musicians play msuicand dudes dance like how people think white people dance(and have never seen poles or soviets)

chick has a food with a guy in super blackface like hes candya55 trudeau or sometrhing

chick tells a guy shes a dancer anbd as she goes on, fata55 comes by as shes ta;lking cool

he b--ches out and after a brush with da cops, a fancy guy offers him a smoke

chick jacks the smoke case and as she goes, famcya55gives her a flower

fata55 followes her a55 and theres a chase through soviet england like a its a 30s movie OR SOMETHING

she escapes in an apartment and has a smoke as Hitler didnt reveal the dangers of smoking for as few years(not true! somking is safe! its just alt right conspiricy that smokes are dangerous! dr's agree: tobbacco is healthy! esp toasted tobacco! they wouldn't say it if it wasnt true! They knowe what they are talking about! they're dr's! you aint!)

she dances around the apartment and fata55 busts her and is gonna tell da cops and she defends herself as "i deserve it! why can't i have it" like some millennial commie saying the world owes them

he trys to explasin it and says how lkifes like a joke and she b--ches out slugs him

if he punched her it would be violence, but her throwing the 1st punch 2x is ok as i guess men have less protection than women

he grapples her but cops are comming and they escape to his place and he blocks the door with a chair

he puts newspaper in his shirt and takes an coat and goos too a chairto sleep

she gets the bed as i guess brit mo women are higher status tyhan men

da nexte daye a cat comes by and he lets it in and da fam downstairs eats a breaskfast

he sews something on a machineand a kid comes up and sees chick with him as she cuts herfinger on a brioken cup

kid wants to see the little boy and he sends kid down and fata55 pulls out a ventriloquist dummy to show chick

kid tells fam fata55 has a lady in his room and they think he';s b0ning

chick bp-ches out about something and worries fata55 will turn her in

he sez he wont if she lets him go in her motth

jk thats weinstein

they go down and family head confronts them and she b--ches out so he locks her in a room

he explains they didn't b0ne and she busts up his items as she s a b---ch like in gone with the wind

he goes back in and cleans up her mess and comforts her as shes emotional and unbalanced and sez sorry for busting up his place and being a c-ckl sucker

dont fall for it! give her the back hand!

you were king henry the 8th! chop her up!

he wants her to be his leading lady and wow we're 30 mmins in already

so later he comes back and she made him a b day caKE and cleaned up the place, and she was only off by 1 year

then some of his droogs come in and chat and sing and play music

so later fancya55 comes in saying thasnks for returning his smoke case (which i think fata55 did) and she does a peerformance to him tio show her ability

later on a bus people see the performapsls and fancya55 comes by in a  20s car

he comes by after their show and brings fatA55 And chick to meet his fellows

cop shoves fata55 along for blocking traffic and fancya55  chats with chicvk b4 she goos

later at a bar fata55 chats with xchick and gives a toaste

she sez in a decade there wont e performers on the outside and hewr rtents were flower sellers like in pygmallion

she walks out despite fasta55es orders and goes tollsee fancya55

So chick dances for a high cllass thing for fancya55 and fata55 waiyts for her at night

the next day chick is broyught back by fancya55 and they make out

she goes upstairs and fata55 is styill waiting for her as he didnt sleep and he criticizes her for being out but sahe dont care

i guess night basketbsall taught him to function w/o slleep

hes probably drunk AND they biucker a bit and i think shes gonna ditch the group

he grabs her and sahe greaks out at a hiug and runs out byt he stops her and sez he wants to marry her

she b--ches out as i think in the REAL version he was b0ning her but they cant shoew it cuz its the 30s

the other guys come out and she goes i mean he goes off

so with a mointage of playbills; we see her risingthrough the ranks andbecoming a star

theres a scebne of a theatre withpeople practicing harmonica sand cr-p shot at an angle as she dances thats kinda cool

after a scebe of her performing; shes beciome a big a55 star and fata55 is aware of it from looking at an add ffor the plasay being sold out

so shes like Jack Atlas in Yuguohg 5Ds and ARC V where she's ascended her sklum past and is saccepted by thre cool guys

except shes kinda b--chy about it and picky

fancya55 is still sdmooching her and later fata55is not performimng with the gang but their dog runs to him

a bandmate sees him buthe runs and dog follows so he ducks into a public bar

so in the show theres chicks in outfits like a masami ohbari anime and later she's giving autigraphs

fata55 comes by and he calls to her and pushes his way through but is stopped by the coips

like a dumba565 hew takes a (creally cr-ppyh) swing at a cop and is arrested

he's found the next day hanging from a lamp post by his guts as a message to thos ewho go against the cops

jk really the next day chick gets a phone call and might go to hollywood to ruin more stories into bad mnovies that change everything and censor the good stuff

fancya55 sez he wont marry her and she ok living in sin

later chick goes back to the aparte,mntand its empty and the last guy there tells her she f'd him up by ditching him after all the good he did for her

in court fata55 tells his life storyof being born in the circus like jerome in gotham who's mom was b00ning clowns

he sez how he went to see the chick llike hes the guy from perfect blue or w/e and gets 4 months in jail

dont drop the soap!

well, he IS brittish!

so later theres this blind guy going around looking like elton john and i think its fata55

it it and he meets chick and she is p-ssed at him

later in her rtoom they bicker and she tries to help him come back to his job and get off the booze

somnic sez; liqour is bad

he starts b--ching an then we see him perfporming for producers in a theatyre

he stumples on his lines when interrupted and chick helps her i mean him

he walks off and she follow and theres a swarm of fans wanting her autograpph

they reconsile and she kisses his cheek and returns to the inside

he walks on and retuerns to his singing group

the end

that wasnt so bad

nivce lite mild story

liker a cleaner less dark version of a star is born

its well acted and the momnent of the chicvk and main guy un the last encounter was like Charlie Chaplin in City Lights

good filming and style and feel and its a decent made film

simple and not too dark

For Sidewalks Of London 2 I want it to be WW2 and he's in an enemy slave camp but the masters like his singing and keep him aloive for entertainment and he and his band do different shows each night for theire captors. Also its a 32/64 bit mini game collection on Sega Saturn,. PS1, N64 and 3D0 where you play up to 4 players and work tyogether to beat mini hgames based on public domain plays

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