Wednesday, November 30, 2022

The Cat And The Canary Review

 Notye; I psell better than cATS as all our base belong to him

The Cat and the Canary

this is my revile in The Cat And The Canary from the distant future year (to Marr Shelly) of 1927 (100 years before metropolis and the 1st robotech movie the untold story)

its directed by Paul Leni whois usually good and did Waxworks and The Man Who Laughs in the 20s

It stars Creighton Hale from Orphans of the Storm/Way Down East/The Circle/Santa Fe Trail/Sunset Boulevard/Life with Father/Casablanca/Yankee Doodle Dandy/The Maltese Falcon\Sergeant York, Tully Marshall from the 20s The Hunchback of Notre Dame/Torrent/The Trail of '98/The Hatchet Man/Arsene Lupin/the 30s Scarface/Red Dust/Sergeant York, Gertrude Astor from The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/The Wicked Darling, Flora Finch from Orphans Odf the Storm, Arthur Edmund Carewe fdrom Doctor X/the 1927 Uncle Tom's Cabin/Torrent/the 20s The Phantom of the Opera/the 20s The Ten Commandments, Martha Mattox from Torrent, George Siegmann from The Mzn Who Laughs/Uncle Tom's Cabin/The King of Kings/The Red Mill/Scaramouche/Oliver Twuist/Intolerance/The Birth Of A Nation/The Avenging Conscience, Lucien Littlefield from Love Laughs at Andy Hardy/Uncle Toms Cabin/Trrent/The Sheik/The Cheat, and a few 1800s homies i never saw in anything

It got good reviews ansd started the Old Dark House style iof film

I never saw it but hear itrs based on a play

so after cool opening credits of a hand wiping off dust from the tuitle and holes in glass, we get a home of an eccentric milionaire (Snotty Ragsdale?!)that looks like a disney castle meets Metropolis

then it turns to bottles andd sez he was drove nuts by greedy relatiuves like cats after a canary

then we see him in the bopttle area as cats attack and he bites it

his will sez to be opened 25 ywears after he bites it and wwe see a hand take it and puyt 1 dopwn saying its never to be openered if his terms aint met

then for 25 years its said his ghost haunted the area and we getta p o v shot of going through the em,pty place

the night tyhe will was to be read its said something was there and we see a p o v shot of a flashlighty and sa black glove hand opening a safe andf putting a sealed letter in

thenb we see a maid carrying sometyhing going into da safe and b44 sdhe opensd it, a guy comes to da door

he sez hes here to read the will and the heirs didnt show up yes and maid calls him mr crosby

crosby sez she myst be lonely for 20 yearsa here and she sez she dont mind living ones which creeps him out

he goes off and checks the safe and finds a living moth in it which he finds odd as he locked it 20 years ago

he finds 2 letters with thge same seals andasks who was in here and she sez only her and his ghost

he sez no ghost could open the envelopes and only she knows trhe combo

then the door knocks anda guy comds by and tthe door has huge webs on it

he looks like richsard epcar and is alled harry blythe and copsby is his homie whos glad to see him after all this time

colby's prpotoge charlie wilder comes and ios harrys cousin who dontr synbchro wity him but wants to

these chicks come by and dda driver fears da ghosts there

da chickjs are aunt and neive and the neive is blonde and 20s and go through the spooky house

1 guy goes by in his car and the tire pops and he thins its a shot abnd runs in

this guy is paul jones and thinks its a bullet whizzing by him trhat popped

then its midknight and they gotta read da will but annabelle west isnt there, but now arrives

annabelle likes paul and is said to by cyrus west, the billionarres relative

theres a clock that didnt ring since cyrus millionaore bit t and now it does

good use of showing clkock hammers hitting the clock springs to show the bells chiming

they open the letter and 1 reads "my relatives watched my wealth like cats on a canary and it nearly drove him nuts cuz they thoguht him mad"

so his fortune goers to his most distant relkative with the name of west

so annabelle wins and maid gives the other letter to i think annabelle and sez to open it in xyrus's room

some think it sez where the west diamonds are and 1 sez its got an embarrassing condition in the will

a dr names in the wikll (from 25 years ago? is he even alive? the will was wrote b4 WW1!) is to check her out and if she's deemed inmsane, they'd give iot to the one namesd in another envolpoe in cosbrys pocket

aunt bangs her hand on the table and the painting of mailionarte falls over an dwe getta cool camera p o v shot of it

maid creepily takes the paintin off sayiong its an omen something f';s will happewn tonight and auint spazzes out

paul comfoports annabella and she dont trtust the people in the house\

will they make her crazy byu giving her a flu shot and givbiong her autism?

asnnabelle says for maid to make a cup of tea for aunt and i'm thinking as this is the 230s she might prefer some nose candy like sherlock holmes

annabelle goes weith the crosby to discusss the will and they go 2 a room with high chairs and crosby sez shes like her uncle, in a cage sourrounded by cats

in the main room where the tv would go in the 90s, the guys talk and the richard epcar guy, blythe or w/e sez the picture falling measn someones gonna bite it and paul spazzes out and wants to leave

a moustache guy coimes in saying an escaped lunatic is on the looser and hes looking for him as hes either in the house or on the grounds as mustache tracked him to the gates

cosby sez hes gonna lock the doors and windoes and this is turning intoblack chruistmas

But not the Blaxploitation Film about a p-mp who has to stop Santa from turning the black kids White, and in the end invents Kwanza

da nut thinks hes a cat and rips up his victims like canaries, which sounds kinda cannibal

moustache sez no one leaves da house tongiuth i mean tonight and goresd off with bylthe to shearch da house

crosby tells anna that the envolupe that sez who gets the money if shes nuts opened and rad it and might attack her, but he dont read it or show it to her and goews off

as he goes off, a book case opens a bit but closes a few times as he goes by, then returns to tell her

a devolved handf reaches oput and grabs him and pulls him in and when she gets up from the chair he's gone

she tells the people and thinks they think she sounds nuts

she sez he was last seen where paul is and paul spazzes out

aunt sez she's nuts like the millionare and she sez to look for crosby

paul looks under napkins on tables cuz hes a dumba55 and the people think anna is responsible for crosbys vanishing

and they dont see maid and think she iced her too, but maid comes in saying the room is ready

moustache comes in and asks who anna is and is told by the people is their cousin

aint is glad the moustache is there to protect them and the rest lerave and anna is alone in the room

later anna is in her billionares bed whop no one used for 20 years sicne he bit it

imagine if he died bof being b0ned dead and the bed was full of gender fluids and aids?

maid doers a good job of being creepy and leaves her and the other guests go to theirt rooms

this is seeming a lot ike the bat from 26


f off caps lock, go to soviet california and egt b0ned dead by an aids spreader

at night blythe and wilder meet in the dark with flashlights and wilder was looking sor croedsby

blythe sez crosby woundly be here under the ciurstances and maid puts out a light and goes by em

maid tells anna to not forget the letter of the diamonds and she goes for it and paul comes by and spends time wity her

he sez he lieks her and she lieks him, and he sez if he was named in da will hed give it to her

aint they cousins? Nah thats diffewrent enough

not like twin bro/sister like in voltage fighter gowcauzer and star wars

paul leaves to go j=rk off to his blonde cousin and she reads in the letter the diamonds are hidden in a hidden area by a button in the fireplace reveals

howe queer, in search of hsitory is giving as im revierweing this on youtube and its about the plot to bring down the evil fds, and in it, its said WW1 suirvivorswere given a ticket to get 1000$ in 2 years

kinda like the billionaiore making his heirs wait 20 years

so paul osa going around and sees saomething and spazzes out and runs intyo a room and hides under da bed

the neice and aunt come in da room and paul is there and he trus to not be seen as they get ready for bed and sayu "i'd like to see anyone get in/outta here

neice sits on da bed and a spring jabs pauly shore and they think they heare something

neice starts undressiung as does aunt and paul looks at their legs and soon after, aunt looks under her bed as she always does so and sees him with klight repflected in hgis specs

its almost like those anime where the guy has white white shining glasses in the dark like sailor moon sewason 0

aunt spazzes out abnd neice is blonde and 20s and pulls him out and b--chers at him

he sez he came, to protect them, from da ghost and thety think he's lusty like a go nagai dude

anmna findds the button and opens a wall and finds diamonds in a box and tries em on then goes to bed wearing em

paul goes around at night and sees maid comming by and asks if sghe saw a ghost

she sez there may be 1 behind him and walks off witrhout change=ing her height in steps liker shes floating or gliding

at the night a devolved hand reacvhes out over anna and tajkes her jewels like knuckles in sonic 03 and she wakes up screaming

paul comes running and so does a few others and she tells em of the events and nei8ce thinks shes mr nutz on game boy color

1 guy checks da area above da bed and its bylthe and he sez the wall is sound

she spazzes out ion blythe and opens the wall and out fallls crosby wjho bkluyythe sez is a matter for da cops

anna blacks out and is carried off to da couch and bl;ythe called da cops

paul spazzes out more like the garbage pail kid who keeps p-ssing himself and blythe ez da wiores re cut 

blythe goes to get da cops and maid stops him abnd sez shes gonna go and he stays there

bluthe sez the maniac iced crosby and hes going fot moustache and runs after being outta sight

anna cxomes to and eventually paul figgers oot da solution is the envolope in crosbys pocket as its da name of the killer

what if itys someone else who wante to frame the envolope guy?

anna and paul go to see the crosby body and its gone and when they go in the wall hole,, da door closes

anna gets ouyt and paul isinside and she goos too tell neice

aunt comes out from da couch with her gross hand like count orlock and anna runs off calling for neice

aunt goes out and calls 4 help and thisd milk man who looks evolutionarliy challenged like creigan in svu but fused with the scarecvrow from oz, but he drives off hearing of ghosts

anna checks da wall and someones in the shadows  and its this caligari looking c-ck sucker  wjho sez hes da dr

dr caligari? that dont sound good

he seems creepy and interviews her and she sez crosby was iced and a hand from da wall, like in that lois webber movie, or erich von stroheiums greed, stole her necklace through da wall now neice and wait, itsas aunt who was susan, not neice, and paul vanished

dr chex her pulse and paul goes around the secret passages of da home as aunt rides with da milk man

dr eexamines anna and shes kinda shook up and dr wants a glass of water

her dumps powder in it and tells her to drinbk it but neice comes in saying she cant find aunt

dr comes ti her and someone watches from the window and dr asks if shes related to annas

dr goes with neice and moustache comes in through da window cuiz hes italian or w/e and sez he heard someone was iced

blythe is in da basement, or is it,m yeah i think its paul and fights a guy in a goblin or oni mask and cloak and hat

he gets beat out and the maasked guy has a flashlight

milkman and aunt ride in da nuight like icabod crain and bikers come by but its da cops ANMD AUINT SEZ GHOSTS ICED PEOPLE at the weeest mansion

like herbert west?

cop dont buy it and bringsa aunt back

anna is in this rooim and the devolved hand of the mask guy comes for her and she sees him

paul comes in and beats the black offa him in a really 20s fight scene as it turns out, hes really a bada55

also the cops are comming and it cuts bewtween them like the klansmen riding to save the chicjs in birthj of a nation

paul grabs him and anna ties him up and moustache comes in but runs

the cops arriveand moustache runs and all hg-ll breaks loosae as the cops eventually grab him

the masked oni escapes and the cops nab him and its wilder whos the masked man

moustache sez wilder is namned in the 2nd envoloup[e and thart wiulder hidr huim to drive anna bats so he's get da money

also moustache sez weildr iced crosby and hid the bodsy in da celler and has da joolz

they find da jewels on him and the note and hes taken away to be put to sleep

paul sorvino sez the bad guy is caight and the others come in and annsa and psaul share a chair and he sez she owns the house but doent wanna live here, right?

she smiles and cuddles with her cousin

the end

That was pretty good

nice twists

good acting and style

its really lite on german expressionism but has good camera and editing

its got some humopr and fun but good 20s creep factor

no violence or gore or swearing or naked chicks, or drugs but, weell theres a fist fight but its not graphic

its clean and has nice touches and good style

Leni does it again. Too bad he died soon after. He had skill. Those Germans were grand at films

its only like 80ish mins and has good pacing and doesn't drag

Nice creativity and heart and it tells a good story

There's usually no actual supernatural in these movies, evern in later William Castle ones, but in reboots its usually real spooks like the 90s House On Haunted Hill

although the 20s Uncle Toms Cabin had ghosts in it that directally went against the point of the book

But this was a good one and I'm glad I saw it

For The Cat and the Canary 2 I want it to be a courtroom drama where the wilder guy is charged with the killings but bit by bit, the evidence doesn't hoild up, as no one saw him do the murder and the main witness was working for him, Also its the comming wedding between anna and paul and the 2 stories cross ovewrseveral times. also its a 16 bit grily game like barbie and on Seag Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as the chick and try on dresses and do mini games to unlock more and sometimes there's the case and in the end, he is found nbot guilty but sees he can't get the money and goes off to open A BAR in new york that has various colorful characters who have their own werird stories like a sasquatch bunter and a gypsy who wants to devolve people into his slaves.

Sunday, November 27, 2022

The War Of The Gargantuas Review

Note; i spell gargantic

The War of the Gargantuas

This is Ore Sammas No Review of The War Of The Gargantuas from the distant future year, to Lon Chabney, of 1966(around 60 years before Transformers Zone)

Its dirtectal by Ishiro Honda who did the 54 Godzilla/the 546 Rodan and a buncha Kaiju films I aint seen

its a sequel to Frankenstein vs. Baragon aka Frankenstein Conquers the World, which I don't think Mary Shelly would approve of

Then again, I'm not sure the wqriter of Jpurney To The West would like Dragon Ball, esp Super

its loved byTim Burtoin,. gueilmo del toro, James Rolfe and quenton tartentino andf inspired a lot of others

It stars Russ Tamblyn from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers/Tom Thumb/West Side Story/How the West Was Won/Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold/Joan of Arcadia, Kenji Sahara ffrom Godziulla 54/56 rodan/The H Man, Jun Tazaki from Kwaidan, Haruo Nakajima from Seven Samurai/Godzilla/Rodan/The H Man/Yojimbo, and manty I don't recall from anything

I saw some of this but never start to end

wtf its 16+ in soviet finland, 15+ in candy a55 sweden, 12+ in france/P{{ortugal/West Germany, and G in Am,erica

Buncha candya55 countries!

So after Tojo =Loho and a title that clearly says Frankenstein Vs Baragon, but has subs saying War of the Gargantuas, we get credits over a stormy sea in japanese

aw gay, its widescreen, what a mistake

so on this stormy sea boat, this tentacle comes in and a sea man fights it

is that a real tentacle? they did good effects if not

so then this huge a55 octopus comes in and grabs em, then leaves

wait, its fighting a sasquatch thing

how deep is that water? this things standing up in it asnd the octopus is in it

so sasquatch starts wrestling the boat aND latetr this guy is in th e hospital

a ocasst guard guy come in to see him and the gguy sez "monster" and they say he was tyhe only survivor or a 5 man crew near shore

so the coast ghaurd looks at the ship and a diver found 0 bocies bnut a piece of fabric

so they grill the survuiivor on what he saw and he sez this green monster grabbed em

as this happened after franksentins monster f';s japan, you'd thuink the authorities wqould believe him

so then the coast guyard found the crews clothes offshore and thers no tooth marks

so 1 guy calls about a frankenstein thing and gets this chick scientist and she gets russ who sez the freankenstien thery raised years ago died on mt fuji long ago

then more guys come in to ask about his monster and he sez frankenstein cant live under water and dont attack boats or et people

girl sez he wouldnt attack hamns and is gentle, then we see this teddy beat monster being examined by sceintists and fed

wait it was flashback

so they said he never harmed a human and was killed on my fuji

yes, but what you mean human?

the unborn dont count as human life in soviet canada, and the slaves were 3/5th a man in the past

also in canada, women weren'ty considered "persons" until 29, or after we got taling pictures

later thewse guys are on a boat and see something under water and the dad freaks out and falls in

itys kinda freaky

later these people are pulling z rope by the beach and see thing giant sasquacth in the sea

rthe papers say its a frankensteion the lab raised and they say its not him and if he was alive, hed be in the hills

so they go out there and the coast guard or suits or w/e, i dont know ehosd what, look at busted boats with claw marks on em

they find a sea animal membrane and its different than frankenstien

so the lab monkeys go up the high hills and lok for a creatures footprints

they find em again and go back to da lab and where they say this creature casn live underwater

then a jet comes over and this sasquatch is seen by the city and the peope spazz out, wait, its an airp0rn0 port

so the monster bustss buyildings and it looks like good power rangers an dhe grabs a chiock outta one and eats her like itsa Rampage on GBC

thje sun comes out from da clouds and he spazzes out and runs to the ocean

is he dracula too?

the reporters, who are often the bad guys, grill russ and nerds about if its their frankenstrien and he sez its not and hes going to tokyo

on da train he talks with chick about why their deviolved guy would eat people and he sez it might be another frankenseitfm

idera; frankensodom1 thge p0rn0! But john Wayne Bobbit did franken pea ness

so the suits say the monster is sensitive to bright lights and russ sez he plans to continue on his experoiments on cell cr-p

so the russ sez he cant leave until he learns if da cells are self regenerating and thinks of if frankenstien got into the city

everyone knows frankenstein weasd the dr who made the monster and the monster had no name

its like saying the main guy in yugioh is yugioh, or rather, the summoned skull is yugioh as hes used my the main guy and is a daemon

so then this chick is singing ast a club and the monster grabs her and when the lgiths come on, it spazxzes out and drops her and vanishes

russ hears on the radio and he/.chick go out and the military readies its forces for the creature

so they monbster sees a busted ip area and the army turns on lights as he goes for some farm pugs and he runs

eventually the military fires on him with talks and he bursts with flames and smoke

its pretty bada55 and they didnt need compuiters

so he grabs a tank and throws it into the hhouse which is aroudn the same soze somehow ands throews more and they burst

so the suits say they got plans to herd it into the ravine and attack from both ends

kinda like with that ep of Beast Machines

so in the day the military sends guys in the woods and later the monster busts through a brighe with its legs

the military has these big plastic faking beign metal geings and a ferw big energy beam weapons ready and when the monster gets near, chpoppers go by and it waves at em seming afraid

giood acting and emotion on it, the actor did well, as did the make up

so it brigns down the choppers and they blow in fire and 1 chopper lures him closer so they use the microwave cannons

it keeps its leg in the beam and spazzes it w/o moving it despirte it cxausing pain and the microwave beams like mandarks thing on the axe monster in dexters lab fitre on it as it spazzes aorund in the trees

evantually it gets to da water and gets shicked by it and spazzes out but then another big a55 sasqyatch comes in looking meaner

the calls were coming from inside the hosue!

he takes the busted one off to the woods and they dont fire on it for some reason

it roars and is kinda freaky and reminds me of people who heard sasqyuacth in the woods and vanishes in the trees

russ hears and chick sez its their frankenstin and he wants to prove its harmless

later the russ goes out and chick is there and they check the trees the monster f';;d and the military comes in

russ tells em to focus on the green monster who needs water to live

also russ had to dub over his own voice like f==king Tommy Wiseau cuz the audio queered out and they lost it

so the fuull life monster helpsa the devolved looking one by splashing waer on ti and when a copper comes, they hiode, 1 in da water 1 in the trees

in da lab they say the monstrers are sililar and might be bros

russ sez the green one is an offshoot of the brown one that lives off plankton and the military thinks it might make more of em grow idf they blow em apart

militarty guy suggests suffocating em and later russ sez how in ww2 the Germansd went to paris and the young were less fearful as they didnt think theyd be in danger

so the chicks in the woods and dudes too run seeing a monster and 1 chick in think the scinece chick is stuck in a valley and russ goes to save her

then the monsters come out of the rock wall and the waity its the brown one not the devolved green water one and she tries to get it to remember herbut it ghoes off

she sez it saved her life nwhich i was typing and missed and she wants general military guy no to ice it as its good but general t r edwards dont agree

then borown one sees something and goes to fight green one and its pretty bada55

greeen gets away and busts through town as people run

the military attacks but its now immume to light and likes itm somehow

then its day and the greed goes to da sea as the brown follows

russ sez the brown one never harmeds anyone and theres no evidence of it buty the military sesz" they bros, they can be both bad"

russ sez to catch and study em so they dont grow new ones from parts blown off

so the alarm sounds and the people turn on the lights so the military evacuates the area

the military wants to cut the powerr but it would trap the people in the subway, then the bown comes in andf the chick whos names akemi like in urotsukidoji but they call akiki wants to save the monster

she runs out and russ stops her but changes his mind to help her as it means a lot to her

rus and akemi come in the subway and a monster raches in for ejk so they run

she goes up to see the other one but its the green one and grabs her through the stone ceiling, then drops her after seeing its brother

russ carrys off akemi and the monsters face off with brown trying to help and green going ape

akemi survived falling 40 feet onto stone and russ sez briown saved her again

green attacks bwporn and brown shoves him into a bukilding and its filmed kinda slo omto fake being big

russ calls miliotaty general and sez to guve brown a chance for saving akemi and he sez no

tanks come in and blast greens a55 but many shots hit the building behind it

green throws cr-p at the military and busts buildings and runs and brown follows as the microwave means come

green is freakin out and brown trys to calm him like wehen a guys bro is a junkie and needs to be fixed

brown stomps on i mean is stomped on by green and thrtows him over and they grapple and bust buildings

the microwave beams come in and zsap green and they battle and bust more buildings

its like King of the Monsters by SNK on Sega Genesis and Neo Geo

so they go in the sea and fight and green gets zapped andthrows a big a55 boat and swim off

at da hospital akemi gets treated and russ tells her the monstwers are vanished into the boundless abyss that is the sea

choppers find em and dropcr-p on em to bust em and a volvano comesup in the ocean for no reason

the monsters fight and this hole in da earths a565 starts b0ning i mean sh-tting on em

russ tells akemi that ms togami wasnt a monster and didnt tendtacle her, jk rtealkks that niothing could have survived the volcano, even though there's no body and i've seen enough horror moives to know that means he's still around

then we see the boiling sea and the end kanji comes up

ther end

that was quite good

nice action and heart and feeling and good moments of just movement without constant jabber

kinda like a silent film

good emotion and expression from the kaiju and and well done effects

the monsters looked kinda scary and i can see people being afraid of this, esp is they saw sasquatch

i never saw frankenstein conquers the world but this was a good movie on its own

i hear russ tamblyn didnt like this making it but grew to love it

its pretty cool and i can see whyso many guys enjoyed it

For The War Of The Gargantuas 2 I want the monsters to have been fused into a multiheaded, multilimbed abo ination by the volcano and it is inside the hollow earth dfrom going in the volcano and fightin underground abominations in their wicked city that looms like buckaroo banzaio ships, also its a 128 bit city destoryer game on Sega Dreamcast, GameCube, XboX and PS2 where you fight in their under realm and bust em up and fdace their mech suits they made that are big enough to face the monsters.

Friday, November 25, 2022

True Heart Susie Review

 Note: I spell truely bad

True Heart Susie

This is ore samma no review on True Heart Susuie from the distant futrure year, to guye faWKES of 1919 (80 years before the SDF-1 hit Macross Island in the Global Civil War)

Its directed by the most grand D W Griffith who did did A Corner in Wheat/The Musketeers of Pig Alley\Judith of Bethulia /The Avenging Conscience: or "Thou Shalt Not Kill"/The Birth of a Nation/Intolerance/Broken Blossoms/\Way Down East\Orphans of the Storm/Abraham Lincoln

It stars the American Bada55 Lillian Gish from The Musketeers of Pig Alley/Judith Of Beethulia/The Birth of a Nation/Intolerance/Broken Blossoms/Way Down East/Orphans of the Storm/Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ/La Bohème/The Scarlet Letter/The Wind/Duel in the Sun/The Night of the Hunter/The Whales of August, Robert Harron from The Musketeers of Pig Alley/Judith of Bethulia\The Avenging Conscience\The Birth of a Nation\Intolerance: Love's Struggle Throughout the Ages, Kate Bruce from Judith of Bethulia/Intolerance, Carol Dempster from Intolerance/Way Down East/the 22 Sherlock Holmes/America, George Fawcett from Son of the Sheik/Flesh and the Devil, and some 1800s dudes i never saw bin anything, except maybe a few mins of D W Griffith's America

I never saw this b4 but its Gish and Griffith so its gotta be good

better than that devolved pole susan mcpolish mane who ruined youtube

As a member of The Poles, Also known as El Polen Zakken, I would like to apologize for the actions of susan mcpolishname and her damage to youtube, Many Poles like Robert Axelrod and Tommy Wiseau are good people, but some like susan and The Right Honorable john wayne gacy, choose to do evil

So after 20s sttyle creduids and title we get text saying this is based on real lfe

then asks if men like the heart of women or only the looks, annd how women are enslaved by civilization and only can marry 1 man

sounds like feminazi cr-pand attacks on real marriage

then say thiss storyu is for chicks waiting for love that dont come

so at tthuis farm is wills dad and susies auynt and at the schoolhouse after spelling class, will and suzyy arein class aT A SPPELLKING THING


f off caps lock, go get b0ned dead my aids monkeys

so susuie is gay for will and they walk in the woods back and forth then eventually smooch

will carves his initials into a dog with a knife

jk its reallyt in a tree

they almosat kiss and are awekward anbsd walk home and are across the streey neighbors

at home gish sez to her moms picture about how will walked her home

at wills home he wants college as this was b4 it devolkved people to hate ttheir ancestors/gender/orientatyion/country/Creator

dad sez they ccanmtr afford it and wants hiom to be a good farmer instead of a slummy lawyer

later gish sees will with a chick whos nice top him on the way to thhe village and appears to be a babe magnet

in dda viliage he sees a moustache man in a car ansd the man sez  he sees greatness in billy

hope he dont offer him candy to go with him

well he kinda dooes as he sez manty greart men owe him their status and he will come for billy

is this like those daemon worshippers who eat kids? is that why he wannts him?

at home theres nmo news for days and billy gets bummed

hope he dont shooot himself like his actor

gish is bummed and tells her beest friemnnd, a cow, she wants to marry a smart man annd wants him to go to the school

so now she wants to sell her cow and pay for billys college

imagine if they b00ne him and he turnsaand gish goes to see him and its like; ohhhhhhh billy! what diid they do to you billy?! they turned you! you gotta get outta here billy! they're gonna eat ur parts!

so theres a calf that can soon have milk and butter and suiusies mom left all the cr-p to her so she sells the cow to a guy whjo'll treat her like family

are they cannibals?

so 200 miles away, billy gets money and thinks its the moustyache guy in the car who's helping him and jumpps around like tom cruise

he spazzes out, ruuns to tell susie and runs back

so later billy goes off and sisies auist smooches hs mouth and he ardly sEz cr=p toi suisie

at soviet college, billy works to earn money and is given the nicvkname back door billy

jk its butter as he works in the food area aas a waiter and the c-ck suckers prank him by flicming fopods at him

butter sez in a letter to usie that he hasnt found anyyone as good aas his droogs avk home and susie spazzes out like tim cruiuse on oprah

hope billy dont shopot the place up, but if he did, those c-cjk suickers kindda asked for it by being a55holes to him

like if i throw rocks at a hornet nest and got satung

so susie is baking 3 appples and 1 fir her, aunt and billyand popping popcorn aas they didfnt have cjhips bacvk then

so at soviiet college, the guys call him butter too much and he snaps

he slugs a guyt in the guy and strts b0ning him in the mouth

jk they fish battle and go to the woods for a brawl

they fight cr-ppily and i dont know wjho's wjo

i think butter wins andsez hes bill noit butter and the men accept him now that hes proved his metal

after graduation he grows a moustache like the guy who wanted him and retuirns to susue

gishg goes out to have a soda with him and in the town people are impressed by his manluness now

while at ther ice cream shop these girls show interst in them and billy sez "guys prefer simple chicks over the powdered ones"

which makes sense as look at back door hugh heffner: he b0ned all these bimbos and those relationships didnt work

susie takes this as a message and thinks herself nromal

at this party this party chick is livley and drtunbk maybe and dances aorund with the guys and seems like clara bow a bit

a guy, i think billy, drives her back and her friend in a car

later billy in is da woods and practicing his sermon to impress the elders at the conferance  and guish is his audience

at home, susie writes in her diary and theres an ice cream festival for the minister who billy is replacing

the party chick is into back door billy and walks with him home as gish says "he had to be polite to a stranger"

she flirts with billy and he doesn't think its a big thing and gish sees

inside; party girl sez to her mom she needs to marry as she's broke and dont think much of billy but he can write

party chick powders her face to whiten up as billy likes em milky and goes to sewduce him but gish is remastering her clothes to look knew

gish works hard on da farm as party chick and the billy smelling flowers and her flirting with him

so the gish writes in her diary about waiting and dresses up to compete wiith the powdered chicks

she uses corn starch to powder her face asnd aunt b--ches at her for trying to improve on how The Lord made her and dressing like a 5kank

she looks like a harvent moon chick

rememmbering how bvilly said men marry the plain ones, she dresses normal and goes out and reads her book

billy comes by and asks if he otta get mareid and she sez yes as married ministers get more respect

not if ur Catholic!!

later biully is gonna play the organ, not his male organ i assume, and he is with the party chick

he gets a letter saying pole and clark publishers like his wortk and want him to send them something more

also its july 23 1909

so party chick is impressed and chimpus billy askes her to marry him and she agrees

wait, shes reallyy spazzong out and neewds 15 misn to think of it

she goes outside and yells to the guy who gave her a lift called spporty like the spice alleged girl who wants to go out with her to make out

they sneak off and gish comes by and gish sees them maybe as they are in this sherd or closet and goes off to win her billy boy

party girl comes back and gish goes off in the hot for the 10s dress and party chjick sez she'd marry him

shes gonna give him all the aids

she walsk in and sees billy and party chicvk making out and goos oof b4 they see her

othwer peoiple come by to congraduate him and aunt brings gish in

he tells gish he took her advice and party girl is cuddley to the gish and shes not pleased

billy plays with his organ and not his b0ner and girl tries to hidfe her disgruntled feelings

then we see party girl in a weeding drees amnd it shows more and gish is right next to her and helps her with it

so billy and party chick get married and ride off in a cart or car or something and gish is bummed

so later hes with jhis woman and sdhes a cr-ppyy wife as she dont know how to cook and is kinda b--chy

mweanwhile, gish is a good cook as shes a nromal woman

wife busts a plate and b--ches out and hates being his woman and says the D word to a preist

seeing he marrtied wrong, he riases his right hand and swings it so hard it breaks her jaw with 1 punch and kills her

jk but thats what hew should do

really he tries to be nice but shes just b--chy

later the billy and wife go to gishes place for dinner and she made good chicken

later sporty and hsui dfroogs come by the billy placxe when hes out for a bit o tyhe ultra violence and they play daemonic music on his piano and dance and prance like devolved  people

so susie gish is gonna destory her letters she got from billy and billy comes by

he thiunks they arer lover letters and shes gonna ghet married and tells her to get the right one and goes off

aka; dont marry a frenchie, they arer evolitionarily challenged

so billy finds the tree he carved the initals into and walks on and goes back home

at there he hears a daemon party and saw hisa woman being smooched by anothert male

seeing he's been betrayed,m he gets his revolver and caps the 5 party goers then puts the gun in his mouth and end sit

jk really he goes in andf trhe party monkeys go and he asks if the guy smooched her

she lies and plays a victim aas "you dont trust me"

he shouldnty! shes a liar! beat her dead!

yet he believes her and gish does her diary and erases some things and has a buncha cats as she's devolving into a crazy cat lady

so billy is gonna get a reference book but waits and wife goers up to her rtoom to fake being alone but is really gonna sneak out

billy goes up and goers to bed and she sneaks out and gish does too when her auntie is asleep

wife goes to the car andf wait it want gish goign out ti was wife and wife goes to a party to be with guys she was b0ning in ther real version who she swears to silence

at trhe night, the billy goes to check on his woman and she dont reply and he goes to bed

at da party the wife drops her key and i think the billy goes to see gish but stands outside her door and gish crys at the window

aunt wakes up and gish puts her to sleep and i think the billy wasnt really at gishes

theres a rainstorm and the car the wifde is driving in has no roof and drops her off

she gets home and has no key and the doors locked

i guess thats the end of her

she goes to gish and is let in and tells her she went out to a party and lost thge key and now gish has to lie for her

the gish helps her and lets her sleep in her bed asa no one was queer back then, and comforts her

the next day ther billy knocks on her door and i think opens it and waitm, he busts into the room and finds it emptry

i think party ghirl is biting it and husbnand billy is p-ssd

gish coems by and ses his wife is nervous and stayed with her all night, wehich is a f--king lie!

husband comes by and wifer sez she got his book and was weorried and the rain caught em

when he asks for wifes dress, giosh wraps it up and gives it in a box and they leave

later the being outside in the rain fatally f'd her and thinking its his fault, builly vows to not lve anyone like with souther in Hokuto No Ken

she bites it and dont tell billy the truth and gish keeps her word

later billy hears from gish's unt that the gish gave up muich to pay for billys college

he walks by the tree he mutilated and later one of wifes droogs admits wife wenmt to her party and bit it cuiz of it

at least it wasnt aids

so he sees how its not his fault and he dont gotta avoid love so he goes to gish

Theres a good scenbe of his shadow over the wwall by her window like a german expressionist film

so he ADMITS he loves her and they smooch in the window

then theywalk together downm a road like all those silent films

the ends

that wwas quite good

nice story, but i saw how things would go coming

although i didn't expect the friend to reveal it

i like the tinting oif colors ;like blue for night and amber for inside

nice mild love story with heart

you kinda feel for gish and the guy and i think the party chick ending was ripped off by Our Dancing Daughters in the laate 20s

Gish was good aND Griffith did it again

A Winning Formula

it tells a solid story that holds your attention and is still needed

If you love someone, let them know, take a chance

For True Heart Susie 2 I want it to be a WW1 movie where Billy goes to the front to help the troops and is caught by the Germans, but finds the lies told of the Germans were fake and actually about the brits, So he sends word through his Priest Homies to out the brits evils like stealing chunks of canadian soldiersa as the brits see them as "less evolved" and of interest to them and their regent. Also Biilly is given a Magic Jewel that he's to bring to the king of soviet england and when he does, the king's true forme is revealed and he's a monster make to look like man parts skin and the Jewel turns into Shining Armor that lets Billy fight the daemon king. Also its an 8 bit point and click game like Phantasy Star Adventure on Game Boy, Game Gear, Nes, Sega Master System, TG16, Atari Jaaguar and Lynx where you get through the German Areas and facve guys in turn battles.

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Lady Of The Lake Review

 Note; i spell unlady like, and not just cuz i gotta d0ng

The Lady Of The Lake

diss iz ma re vew of da lady of da lake from the distant future year to President Jefferson Davis of 1928(70 years before the Global Civil War in Robotech)

Iyts baSED ON A PEOM BY f off caps lock, go inject youirself with liquid aids

its based on a poem by Walter Scott from the distant futre year (To Columbus) of 1810 (200 years before the 1st Robotech War and Japanese Tranbsformers Season 3)

Its directed by James Anthony FitzPatrick who did over 300 fiulms and i never saw 1

It sttars Percy Marmont from No Orchids For Miss Blandish, Benita Hume from the 30s The Private Life of Don Juan, Lawson Butt  from p0rbn0 I mean the 20s Dante's Inferno, and a buncha 1800s guys i never saw in anythging

i think my dad read me the classics illustrated comic in the turn of the century but i never saw the film b4

s0 after title and director, we get texzt sayinmg in the start of the 1600s, king james 05 of soviet scottland feuded with the Dpouglass family(like Michael Douglas? The REAL one who was Batman for Tim Bureton, not kirk douglas's son who stole his name in the film actors guild)

the douyglass's were exiled and 1 escapee to the highlands with his daughter(like Lot in The Bibl;e? That didn't end well!) and got protection from roderick douglass of the clan alpine

then in loch katrine this guy in a cape wal;ks around and is james fitz james a knoght of snowdoun(Like that guy who revealed president husseins evil and esacaped to the ussr to avoid execution and parts removal like manly brad?)

he sees a chick in a boat and btw, this is 28 so its got music and has that 40s style

the chick ks ewllen and is the douglas jr who was exiled and os looking for her dad

she sees james and is gonna book it but james sez he hunted a deer and lost his horse and wound up here

she invites him to her highlander home and drives him there in a boat but there, rodericks guasards nearly icev him

she stops em anbd sez hes not a spy and he throws down his sword and and they tie him up and bering him in

btw they all tALK in rhyme

so rods mom is told by main chick(i fdoirgot her name) thatjames is noit a spy and she sez wait til rods back

so rod comes back from fd ing up the area like mad max dudes with his droogs and mom sez to el;led the main chick that rod is gay for her

the musaic has bagpipes and singing

ellenb unties james as the clan comes and he gets his blade and thety run offand boat away

so soilent rod comes by and finds the james escasped and james and ellen land on land

james wanbts to save ellen fromthjose devolved scots and sees her like an innocent flower but she sez her dad is exiled and she's under it too

he sez to get the king to do ssomething of it and she goes back and rod sez he f'd up a few saxon towns

\hes trying to impress her with violence to win her,. like Shin in okuto No Ken

he asks ifd she styoll loves malcome graeme and her dad comes in with malcome wqhos rods rival

she hugs herr dad and smooches malcom as dad sez malcome saved his lkife and should not be malcontent for ellen

at dinner therod is disgruntled and sez the kings spuies found he has a douglas and he's protect em if ellen is his woman

ellen agrees to save her daddy and ddad sez no and malcome tells offf rod wjho strangles him like bart simpson

i think douyglas ends his defencce with rod i mean the other way and malcome from Syperhumamn Samurai Syber Squad goes off

ellen goes afrter him and they smoochg aND RIDE OFF IN A BOAT

f off caps lock, get b0ned dead by a moose, like kirby morrow, as the OD was a cover up

so they get to land and spies of the regentsee malcom and catch him as ellen goes off as theres a rewartd fir his capture

james i thin meets a guy, i think dad, and they reveal they hate the rod and spewnd the night together in a clean friendly way that modern day people wpould think they were b0ning

then we see dad comforting ellen at the camp and she goes up and cryus in bed

the next day sghe sees a statue of Mary and sjhe prays and at the p[lace james and daD SLEPT, they get up

i think the dad at jims is axctuallly rod and asks how jim thinks of rod

jimmy sez he wants to face him and his droogs and rod sez as you wish and his men pop up from the plants

rod reveals himself and sends back his goons, but sez; fear not, ur my guest

then they go to stirling castle and jim i think wants to buy malcomes freedom

in the castlke the rod reunites with malcom i think anbd they head back and on the way there, rod wants a duel\

afyter asking if theres another way, and being told no, malcom fights and beatys rod but spoares him

then wounded riod grabbples with malcom like school kidsa fighting

rod pulls a knife and he f's out possibly dead

at da castle we see rod and malcom standing and a guyt in a hggat rteads from a scroll

she asks mr hat and he sez only da king can hAVE EM live and sghe wants to see da king

she goos iun the castkle abnd its like robvinhood meets shakespeare and fionds fitz james and asks to see the king

he sez da kings in the banquet hgall and whjen they go oin its revealed james fitz james is da king

she asks for mercy and the rod i think, maybe da dad, and malcome come in

king fitz james forgives the feud with douyglas and lets malcom mcafrica live  as elens indenturewd servant

ellen smooches ian malcom and we get singing

the end

that was pretty good

nice mild love and honor story

wasn't there cross burning in the book?

but this was a good story anbd the regent going out to slum with commoners wasa like Queen Christiuna with Greta Garbo

it wasn';t a big epic hiugh octane adventuere of stunts and effects

it didn't need to be, its a classic story

I liked it and its only like 41 mins

For The Lady Of The Lake 2 I want the roderick clan to gather followers under a new ruler and lead an uprising against King James, So James and his guard go off to bring it to em in a series of battles. Also the new ruler is revealed to be a daemon who gives his people black powers that let them fight against the Kingsmen and the Kingsmen need to get Holy Weapons to slay him and them. Its also a 16 bit Srpg like Warson/Langrisser on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, GBA and Atari Jaguar

Monday, November 21, 2022

The Outcasts Of Poker Flat Review

 Notew; i spell like i play yugioh not poweer

the potcastes of poker plaft

This is my review on The Outcasts Of Poker Flat from the distant future year of 1952(70 ywewars before Robotech II the sintinels)

Its rdierrced by Joseph M. Newman who did nothing I saw

It stats Anne Baxter from Five Graves to Cairo/The North Star/Angel on My Shoulder/The Ten Commandments/the 60s Batman, Dale Robertson from Death Valley Days/The Man from Button Willow, Miriam Hopkins from the 30s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Cameron Mitchell from The Robe/The Swarm/Jack-O (good f--k!! That was him?! I liked that cr-p!), Barbara Bates from Adventures of Don Juan, and some guys not on wikipedea

i never saw this b4 but i thiunk my dad mightve read me the classic illustrated comic from the 60s or w/e in 199X

its based on a book by Bret Harte who was not the prowrestler form the WWF but an 1800s writwer

so after  80 seconds of logos and credits we get a hardware store and some bad guys coming to touwn inm the night

1 jacks some liquor from a thing and wait its not one of them and the guys hide in the shadows like ninja and follow the drinker

a chick comes out and goos in the saloon as the guys watch

the guys look in da saloon and a guy is playing cards and is in a suit and chick sez to main guy of the bads that the horses are out back but shes not going with him, as they are unbder the stairs by the salloon

she cant take it and is scared all the time ansd he sends her back and he goes around and into a room with wait i think its the jail

he opens the door from inside and lets the guiys in and i think it might be the bank and 1 guy gets a handfull of slpooy mud and brings it in

they put blankets over a safe and light a fuse and it blows and isnt loud

they get thuis locked box and get money and papers but the door wswings open and 2 guys come near

main guy caps em as they come in and the gunfire alearts the town and the guys book it seperate waytts as the townsmen open fire

main guy gets to chick and sends a horse and another guy follows it and main guy gives chick an item and sez hes going to charlies place

charlie sheen?! he'ds never harbor crooks! He's a good guy, despite his constandt b0ning

he tells her to stay here and he'd send word and rides off and she pockets the item

later a guy sez the bad guys took his negotiable assets of drafts and biills of exchange and if they dont get em back, the banks over

a beardo sez theres 2 graves and should be 3 and they otta stand and fight and round up the bad guys and run em outta town

so they do so by getting rid of the riff raff and later tell the chick a blonde and some others on horses to stay outta riverdale i mean poker flat and theya re running the town

they gave em horses and supplies to get by til they get elsewhere and the blonde is a rich chick who wants to go to soviet san fran siscko

the salloon card player wants to go to another town and goon oof as tyhe others follow

chick later sez they'd come with him and hes cool with it and hes a gambler. which are gamer in the new pokemon games

they talk and she dont wanna tell ger past and they dont fully fit together, whcih meants they'll fall in ove and have 400 baleis, all at once, in a huge giga PREGNANCY!

TO THE TRAVLERS ARE GOING OVER A HIGH AREA ON A TRAIL and the geezer gives the blonde a swig of booze as shes not doign well

i thuinm they are togetehr and a cougar comes for emand wait the whole group is there

it scaresthe blodnes horse and jumps for her but gambler caps it as it leapes and it flies away iced

blonde f';'d her ankle and they treat her and she cant ride far

there was a cabin by the trail and gambler goes to find it as the storms and snow are getting

chick goes off and blonde thinks she's ditches em and chcik goes to gambler to say there might not be a cabin

alont the way they find a traveler named tom and his woman and they say they are heading for poker flat

his woman is not doing great and says they saw a cabin back there and they all go to the cabin as the snow blows and not like biden jr and his cocainim, or is is crack?

the chick and woman help blonde and the guys getta fire going but the chimney is blocked as a stone came loose

the place has no supplies and theres only 1 chimney for all firepolaces and 1 guy uses his gun to hold the chimney thing open

so traveler kisses his womana nd woman goes with blkonde an chick sez sorry to grambler for thinking he was ditching em

geezer goies to check his horse and if this were mader today he;'d be in love with it as love is love and some like their own species and others like other species

traveller is going to poker flats to get married and the dad didnt want em to be married, also his woman might be preggerz

gambler sez theys going out after the sauns up and outside the horses go mental and get loose

geezer goes to find his horse and is dragged back by 1 guy and i think hes got autism or something

geezer sez he didnt mean to scare em and goes to bed under gamblers orders and chick comes by and finds  out

he sez hes going and is gonna ditch em  and she sez its ok and she'd have a place to go and that she was exiled for having friends they/them didn't like

she explains her homie robbed a bank and capped guys and she might havce enough with him as she's tired of being afraid 

she was in love weith the guy and now is gonna try to outrun the guy who is the last thbing shes afraid of but he wont take her with him

so she ofdfers him the half money her butt buddy gave her at the start but he dont think its worth it as the risk is too great

she offers to have it be him taking her to the next town and he agrees and as thersd no room in the romens dorm, she sleeps on the main room with him but shes on da floor and they have a bit of a moment of heart

the next day after a good miniature shot of the building, main guy gambler gets up and traveler decides to go for help even w/o horses as hhis woman needs it

gambler sez they wont come so chick sez they might come for their own money and to give it to em to get em to come

gambler sez to givbe em some of it and get the rest when they save em and he goes out to  get help;

chick suggests gamblker might be wanting to keep the moneyy and he sez hes a gambler not a crook and goes out as she sez not to

she sez to take her and he sez no and she sez hes afraid to do something and theres a moving momnent with good music

they smooch and she sees a guy comming up through the snow and its her butt buddy comming

gambler wants her to bail but she wants to warn her butt buddy of the poker flat guys comming who'd ice him andf she cant let him bitwe it as shes married to him

and she smnooched another man! shes gonna get hiv@

so her butt buddy who gave her the money came in and she gives him the money and he heard they got exiled

another guy he was with busted his leg and she sez the people she's with dont know

she sez she didnt have tiime to tell charlie about going on and that shes not ditching him and this is seeming like a gangster movie

geezer comes in and is still wanting his horse and after butt buddy tells him off, he goos oot too find his horse

butt buddy thinks hes nuts and tries to smooch his wife the chick but she  dont consent and gambler comes in with the other guys

main guy gambnler sez  he saw him the night the banmk was held up and buitt buddy pulls a piece on him and frisks him

butt buddy asks where his gun is and he sez he lost it on the way here

butt buddy puts the gun in gamblers mouth and sayys "lets play a game, I pull and you hope its an empty cghamber. Its how they do it in The Czars Area"

jk really he checks out the other members and thewir clothes

she calls out tom andf butt buddy sez gamblers name was jake, wait, geezers name

gambler sez its jake tom either one and butt buddyy locks the door and has booze

he makes em sit and tells em they dont got much food and geezer comes back with some horse item

as geezer reaches for booze, butt buddy beats his hand in offscreen and gives chick some food

she tries to give it to others but he makles her eat as i guess he wants her fat

later gambler is playing cards himself and butt buddy wants a poker game and evantually main guy accvepts

as they play, main guy knows whht butt buddy has and they play with fake poker chips for 1200$ and butt buddy sez he has 8600

he checks his money and after adding up gamblers winnings and hsi remainder, theres 500$ missing

he suspects chick who sez she dont know and suspects the others and she tells him she gave the money to a guy to get help

he's getting f'd and asks why she didnt tlel him and she claims she only remembered and he thinks she wants him i ed

he nearly strangles her and grambler stands up and butt buddy AIMS HIS FIREARM AT HJIM

f off caps lock, go inject youselfd with liquid aids

after hearing when traveler left, he calculates they have til around noon the next day and has the others sleep in 1 room

chick asks why he didnt leave when he had the chance and he sez hje wantyed to meet her husband

butt buddy sends geezer in and asks chick whats going on and she sez the coming guys dontr know hes there

he wants to use her to get the guys coming and suspects gambler is troyuble and when she dsticks up for him, suspecysd shes gay for him

the people talk about going out the window but its snowing and butt buddy hears em through the fireplace

he wants her to tell gambler to hold basck and guilts her into it by bringimng up another guy he implies got iced

she goes in and tells em not to try anything and hes listening in tjhrough the fireplACE

they ask about if hes gonna ice the guys comming and she sez to look after themselfgs

geezer wants to get his horse and gambler sez she has to make up her mind on who to help and she sez not to try anything

she comes out and sez to butt buddy they think hes wonderful and hew trys b0ning herbut she dont consent but he sez "u dont want anyone getting killed do ja"}

then it fades out and unfades and she walks off and i guess they b0ned WOC With Out Consent!

geezer wants to stock the fire but gambler sez he;'d hande it and wife and sez how she blamesherself over this situatyoion but blponde comforts her

gambler lights as cndle and letsd the fire go out and reacjhers in and gets his gun, then opens a windopw tile and by the time the sun came up, weait, now he got his gun

waIOT, HES GETTING HIS gun and a brick falls anmd butt buddy wakes up and confronts him

he chrecks the ladies and gambler talks wioth him over how butt buddy atye all the food and the rescue team might not make it and theres nothing butt buddy can do abouit that

this disturbs butt buddy and gambler seez it

later its 8 30 and geezer recalls his restayrant work how food was thrown away and after listing some, butt bufddy nearly throws him in the fire

good f--k is he gonna eat him?!

1st burder, then raepe, now cannibalism?

Is this The Bible?

so blondde wishes she could go to san fran sicko and goes on of her home and wanting to tell off her man who i think ditcxhged her

the snbow styopped and geezer wantsa to ger his horse so butt buddy beats him out and sez no opnes gonna get out

gamnnbler sez to pout away the gun and stands up to him and sez theyre all finished and butt buddy cant shoot his way outta this

its like that Tweet from the guy calling himself God saying "We''re all in the same lifeboat with a leak and trying to throw each orther over"

buttbuddy sez hes getting out and gambler sez hes gonna die of hun ger like the rest of em annd to go shoot the snow

chick sez butt buddys scared and wife blkacks out and geezer comes to

gambler helps wife And waNTS WHISKY and when butt buddy looks, its gone, so he runs out to the snow to find geezer

theres 2 gunshpots and butt buddy returns aND sez "maybe now it wont smell so bad" asnd chick ssez shes not gonna obey him and sleep in his room

he sl;aps her and shje sez she dont fear him now and sends the guys to the room and blocks da door with a chair

he goes to chicks room and its locked and he fires in it 4x

gambler forces the door open enuff to get out and goes to the fireplace

chick sez shes done with him as hes a p o s and she hates him

he blames the gambler and main guygoes for hgis gunb in the fireplace, which should be super hot from being avove a fire and have issues from all the heat and smoke

she sez she likes gambler and will go with him and hestasrts strangling hewer as shew screams and gambler puts the gun in the snow, whjich might crack it

the room gets smoke and butt buddy sees and comes in as gambler hides and loads and butt buddyy shopots the gun outta gamblers hand

spoiler; that otta badlyy damage his hand as seen on mythbusters

chick grapples him anbd gammbler gets his gun and whjejhn bad guy returns, he sneak attacks him and they fight

its hard to see whats what in the dark and smoke and the wife and blonde, wait,m they aint married yet, see someone comming and blonde goes out

she picks up the gun but bad guy caps her And she calls for help but bad guy butt buddy breaks free and caps her and gamblwer jumps him

don't worruy, the bullet missed her vitals, she's gonna be ok, she just needs some rest, theres a hospital planwt nearby

bad guy throwws him off and fdires on him but he's outta ammo and pistol whips him

bad guyy gets chick and leaves and kicks gamblere and she calls to the rescurers buyt he hands her mouth

gambler comes out and snmeaks around aND bad guy wants chick to call over the rescuers but she wont and hes gonna cap her

gambler sneak attacks him andf thet fight in the nose candsy they used for snow in 50s movies and gAMBLER STRANgles him out

dont worry, hes hgonna e k, he just needs some rrest

so the rescuers bring em back annd they see a sign for poker flat and beaver camp

main guyb offers to go with her to beavewr camp and they go off in the snow together like that charlie chaplin movie

the end

that was pretty good

the bad guy was kinda like a humphreyt bogart kinda villian

good stoey and i never saw The Hateful 8 but ifrom whast I heard, it seems like it

good acting and musiuc and feels and its a bit like The Thing where people are in a frozen h=ll and 1 is a killer and they gotta survive

it kinda goes slashewr in the end as the bodycount ruises, maybe like Thew Shining, and Ididn't see it coming

good bait and sawitch with the gun in the chimney and nice redemption off the good guys

For The Outcasts Of Poker Flat 2 I want the gambler and chick from the 1st movie to be living in beaver creek but theres a beaver sasquatch hybrid around and eating the people and us9ing the bones fior rituals, and you find people deboned, So he has to find these items to seal it and avoid it when it comes near. Also its A 64 bit DS and PSP game where you go around various areas like metroid and avoid the sasquatch beacver unbtil you get strong enough to seal it after a fight, but get stronger each time you face it.

Saturday, November 19, 2022

Mission To Mars Review

 Note: i spell marsian

MNission to marz

This is my review on Mission To Mars from the diustant future yewar of 2000 (25 years before robotech II The Sentinels Cyber Pirates and Transformers Victory)

Its diirectal by Brian De Palma who ddid Carrie o1, the 80s Scarface, the 80-s The Untouchables, Raising Cain,

Its based on a disney ride like Pirates of the Carribean and The Hauybnted Mansion

It stars Gary Sinise from Open Season 01/The Green Mile/The Quick and the Dead/Apollo 13/Forrest Gump/Of Mice and Men, Tim Robbins from Howard the Duck/Top Gun 01/Twister/The Shawshank Redemption/Dead Man Walking/Austin Powers 02/Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy/The Simpsons, pro evil Don Cheadle from Boogie Nights/The Family Man/Rush Hour 2/Ocean's Eleven/Hotel Rwanda/The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air/The Simpsons/MADtv/Drunk History, Connie Nielsen from Gladiator/One Hour Photo/Wonder Woman/Justice League/SVU(Ew, she was dani beck! Gross!), Jerry O'Connell from Stand by Me/Scream 2/Buying the Cow/The Death of Superman/My Secret Identity/Sliders/MADtv/Justice League Unlimited/The Batman/Drunk History/Justice League Action/The Big Bang Theory, Kim Delaney ffrom Body Parts/Svu, Peter Outerbridge froim land of the dead/Silent Hill: Revelation/This Is Wonderland/Puppets Who Kill/Flashpoint/Designated Survivor/Zoo/Pure, Kavan Smith from The Crow: Stairway to Heaven/the 00s The Twilight Zone, Jill Teed from X2/Party of Five/Sliders/Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction/Arctic Air/the 10s The Twilight Zone, Elise Neal froim Malcom X/Scream 2/Law & Order/California Dreams/The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Robert Bailey Jr. from Dragonfly/Touched by an Angel, Armin Mueller-Stahl from The West Wing/Angels & Demons, Bill Timoney from Blue Bloods/Law & Order: Criminal Intent/Malcolm in the Middle/Battle Arena Toshinden/Digimon/Queen's Blade/Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer/Urotsukidoji, and some guys not on wikiepcdia

I'm not sure if i saw this b4 but i get it mixed u-p with mission to mars

the only thjing i recall is the guiy saying F this planet, and blasting off

so it starts on a bbq with guy getting ready to go to the mars and the sopviets are coming too

1 couple is gooing to mars, which should take several years, and if thewy are b0ning, they might poop mout a baby there

don chidle is married to a chick and has a son and 1 guy is trying to seduce chicks, even though its bad luck to b0ne b4 a MISSION

DON CHERMDPE comforts his son who dont weant him to go as he wants dad to finish the booim they are reading and he sez they'd read it apart and it would be like reading it together

then one of thos egay electric cars cpomes by and i think gary sinise comes out with a bottle of booze and reunites wioth don

its the distant future year of 2020 around the time of the pioneer mission to the 3rd moon of fantoma fort the robotech exepeditionary force and don sez to gary that he wishes he didnt have to go as one guy got sick and had to stay behind

garty has a moment where he presses his foot in the dirt like its ther 1st footprit on mars and theres soft emotgional music

then its 13 months later on soviuet mars and a robot rc car thing is spinning around on the surgace

it finds a tomb and opens it and all these daemnons come out and posess the people and make them chop each other up

jk thats ghosts nof mars

so the crew from b4 is on mars are looking around and 1 finds what looks like ice there

at the world space station, wait, world? like a uinited earth gov? like robotech?!

so in there the mars control thing is hacving gravity somehow and gary is there and gets a messdage from don saying they miught use the discovery to have humans colonize mars

which is f=-=kin stoopid as if you live there tyoo long, you weaken and if you go to earth you'd poop out ur gusty and die from being used to low gravioty

so all 4 of the mars crew go out as if anything happens, no one can be left, and they scann it nd find theres metal in the rock

they sent the station a message sdaying happy birth day, which was copyrighted then, and by the time it reaches the space station, the crew is out at the place  on the mars

at the site, the power goes out, which might kill them as they need suits on to love, and all the sand and rocks start flowing to form a huge pillar of whirlwind

it turns into a hhuge d0ng and moves toward em and roars as they stand around liek theyre re-rded and it kills 1 guy with a rock to the face, then sucks 1 guy in and spins hiom around til he breaks apart like f==kin loopney toons!

don is berried alive and the storm rteveals a huge a55 alien face made of metal

what inn the name of F is going on?!

is ythis a horror movie?!

also; we're like 20 mins in, that felt like nothing

so back on the ship i mesan station this husband and wife in 0 g are fixing a thing and nearly b0ne and jerry o connel sends a message to em to get the team togetehr

gary tells the crew they found a huge energy burst on mars and don sent a f'd messager saying everyones dead

in robotech; in the distant future year of 2005, the mars base had an expeiment go wrong and iced the crew and in 2009, they nuked the base to save the sdf-1 full of civilians

so the station crew say they gotta get their a55 to mars to save don as he cant gget back on his own

so gary is the one who designed the mars rescue theam mission and knows thhey have a chance and is given consent to plan a rescue

tim robbins from the shawshank rwedemption who was b0need in the a55, sez they cant do it as is and dont got tyhe right crew

gary's woman bit it and the german commander sez gary isnt fit for duty as he didnt pas psych evaluations but tyim sez he can

on the trip, jerry o connel makes a dna helix of his iodeal woman(mistique from x men?) outta candy in -0 g and gary eats a few pieces (she's devolved)

on the trip is a cool shot of them walking aorund the circle room on the floor looping around and the camera following them and soem 0 g dancing

btw this has good colort and is widescreen

the creww uses a sattilite to check the area and sees 3 graves

so either doins alinve or no one was left to bverry him

it its been 6 months and theres some interference with the scanners or w/.e

we're like an hour in and it dont feel like it, this film dont drafg

so thhe ship goes on and the station analyzes the data but finds jack sh-t and jack in j-zzing on the floor

thhey get word thet tomorrow theyd be good and gary looks at fotage of his woman and their relationship

they were gonna be cocommanders of mars 01 amnd the msuic is really soft and hartfelt

in video woman sez the inucerse isnt chaos but connection and lie connectsd life

sounds like intelligent design

so gary thinks something planned ort caused it on mars, like how oh bba mma did n\n3 ||

they get near the mars and simulate the move to get in the area or w/e so they dont get lst drifting in spoace forever

then jerry ggets a bullet in his hand and there small meterors in the area that breached da hull and airs leaking out

jerry starts to swell up and his head blkows open from the rapid pressure change!

jk they helmet up and the computers are f'd and they need to reboot it

its never nbeen tested and 1 guy goos oot too fix da leak from outisde

gary isnt weeearing his helmet and has issues breathing and doing voice recognition and sends a dr pepper pack to show swhere the air leak is

the dr pepper is cgii and the 90s style

gady keels over and is given a mouth piece to breathe and the hull breach is fixed and its all ok somehow at 10% atmosp[here

then they make it to red mars, even though this is 2021 and in 2011 mega zarak blew mars apart to gather the energon to power up in transformers the headmasters

man we're 90 mins in with add and its going well

so at near orbit they use booster to get in but the oxygebnn sprung a leake and liquid oxygen floated behind them and lighting the boosters blew it and they get f'd out line

they try to get in, weait, they ditch that hunk of cr--p and go off daisy chained together

imagine if they were a human centipede?

they see the sattelite and its far away and tim robbins goos oof to get it after saying "i'll see you in a flash" which might as well be "i'll be right back" from scream 001

he goes too fast or far or w/e overshooting is znd gets the hook on the craft, but is gooing too fast and flips off

tyheyy see that they cant save him and dont got enough fuel to save him, but they can try to get the shiip to get him, but he might be in the atmosphere by thenm

also tim robins character is woody like in toy story 01-XX

they get ready to get in and woodys woman goes after him bbut is talked outta it toi go back

btw the acting seems kinda 50s

she tries the hook gun but it is just outta reach and shes gonna try again but husband tim sez no

he seez she wont leave him so he takes off his helmet and goes straight to h e souble soviet disneyyland

cool after look of his sfrozen head

my ida; woody; i'll see you in h-ll! ahahahahaha! (tyakes off helmet, head aspoldes)

so they get to mars and traise the American Flag as We're Number 1: Ore Tachi Wa Ichiban! Omae No zoku Wa Jigoku No Kuso!

the flag waves in the wind which as theres no wind on mars, means the whole thing is fake, or is that da moon?

gary goon in the station and thers oxygen in there but no light

jerry lee roth turens on the power and the computersd are f;'d and theres not much damage

in 1 room gary finds a jjungl;e inside and its the green house

gary takes off his helmet and donb is behind himand he dont notice

don seems to have devolved into a primitive cavbeman state and tries to kll gary wioth a hammer  but gary tells him his wifer AND SONS NAMES AND HOW HES READIGN TREADURE ISLAND

f opff caps lock, get b0ned byy an aids carrier

also shouldnt he be readiing robinson crusoe?

after regaining some brain power from being cvin freaver for months on this dread rock, he asks where woody is and they say he didnt make it

don cant take it and pulls out the hammer spike thing and busts his head open, then pulls out a brain chunk and feeds on it

jk thhats kinda antrophphagus

so hes survived bby using plants for oxygen and food and i guess pooping in the plants

he thinks he only lived as THEy wanted someone to tell the story and the rescue heroes think hes nuts

they go out and he reveals after digging himself out and getting back to back with a cracked faceplate, he came out later and dug 1 grave form the only chick he found, but made 3 to evenm it oout

the planet looks liek a violence jack/hokuto no ken h-llscape and he shows them theres a facer on mars made byu someone b4 them

don shows them a patter he found in the soound and they process the sounds into a model of dna

its close to human but missing chromosomes and how humans have close dna to apes, but that small % gievs us einstein, motzart and jack the ripper

al;though apes are violent and devolved, look at chimps eating people!

gary seez skittles and recalls jerrys dna thing and he realizes that its a test and you need to give it the missing chromosomes

if you give the wrtong answer, like ther radio waves on the scanner, it attacks

he desices to find which recording make the right chromosomes and don is now shaven somehow and if they get it wrong, it might ice em

3-43 guys bit it cuz of this but if they dont, it will be for nothing

which is gambling logic of "if i dont win ti back i love money for nothing, so imma keep chasing the dragon!"

theyy send the rc toy and it sends the signal and it works and the gary don and chick go in yo this crack in the alien thing

they go in this white light room and the exit seals like an a55 with glue and inside gary opens his suit and finds its pressurised and has earth aiur in it

thhey take off the helmets like normal people taking off masks afte the gov stops forcing them and they see a big a55 cgi show of the solar system and mars being hit by a meteor thatr wiped out its life

then this alien walks upp and looks like a gamecube game and crys and shows countless ships leaving the planet and sprerading across the galaxy eyes tachyon dragon

1 stayed behind and shows how it sent a pod to earth andf started the lie of evolution and shows fish to lizard to dinosaur to mammnoth to bison

also wasnt there biker mice on mars?

so the thing holds their hands and the groubnd lights up and it vanishes into the darkness

the gorund starts having rings flipping and they get wortd fom jerry lee lewis oconnel and saying they gotta get back as a storms a rising

they realize they are in a ship and gotta go and gary has nothing left on earth so he wants to go off with the space daemons likein close encounters of the 3rd kind by spcoet speilberg

so it seems i saw red planet where the guy sez "f diss planit" andf gives it the finger b4 blasting off

don and chick say bye and don thanks him for saving his live and gary sez woody is with them as they wouldnt have made it w/o him

she gives him a buck rogers medal or w/e woofy had and theyleave gary to go off to the cosmic horrors of the outrer reigons of the universe

so gary gets in a tubne likein galaxy qwuest and is turned into light and sent through this protoculture of liquid smoke goold

jerry is gonna leave but gets word and dont go yyet

the tube gary is in starts filling with clear water and he can breathe in it aS I HGUESS ITS WATER AIR

the mars face crumbles and this gold pod comes  up and he flashesback through the whole movie and he jets off through space to a distant galaxy to be provbed forever

the end

that was pretty good

nice 00s animation and art

good msuic

doesnt drag and has good flow

doesnt feel like 2 hours

interesting story and style

good acting and it feels a bit 500s style

its a well made film thhat for some reason the critics hated, but they are usually wrong

its got that end of the 90s style and heart

For Mission to Mars 2 I want it to be about gary in the alien galaxy and finds the meteor that hit mars long ago was sent by an enemy force and the mars guysy were at war with them for aeons, so theyy needed gary to use his free will that they dont have to help them win, also its revealed the evoltuion thing was made up and they are really daemons and they iced his wife so he'd come with them,, due to this hge jiins the enemy foece which is revealed to be angels and the masrs base was made as a fallen angel camp on there to fight The Garden of Eden on Earth and the mars guyys were the bad guys. Also its a 16 bit RPG like Sigma Star Saga on Snes, Genesis, RG16, GBA and Atari Jaguar where you play as gary and fight for the mars guys but half way through find they are the bad guys and switch to the good guys.

Friday, November 11, 2022

The Hunt For Red October Review

 Notw: I spell dead not red

TRhe Hunt For Red October

Tjhis is mny Review for The Hunt For Red October from ther distant future year (to Zee Kaiser) of 1990(20 years before the 1st Robotech War)

Its basd on a book I never read by Tom clancy and was directal by John McTiernan who did Predator 01/Die Hard 001/Last Action Hero 01/Die Hard with a Vengeance

It stars Sean Connery from Zardoz/The Wind and the Lion/Highlander 001/The Untouchables/Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade/Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves/Dragonheart/The Avengers/Finding Forrester/The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, back door Alec Baldwin from Beetlejuice/Great Balls of Fire!/Mercury Rising/Pearl Harbor/Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within/The Adventures of Pluto Nash/The Cat in the Hat/The Aviator/The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie/The Boss Baby/The Alamo: Thirteen Days to Glory/soviet Saturday Night Live/The Simpsons/The Fairly OddParents/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Joss Ackland from Watership Down/Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey/The Mighty Ducks/da 90z Miracle on 34th Street/My Giant, Tim Curry from The Rocky Horror Picture Show/Home Alone 2: Lost in New York/Congo/FernGully: The Last Rainforest/The Rugrats Movie/Rugrats in Paris: The Movie/the 80s Paddington Bear/Fox's Peter Pan and the Pirates/Tiny Toon Adventures/The Pirates of Darkwater/Captain Planet and the Planeteers/Darkwing Duck/the jim henson Dinosaurs/Batman: The Animated Series/Mighty Max/Eek! The Cat/Aaahh!!! Real Monsters/Duckman/Sonic the Hedgehog Sat AM/Aladdin the 90s cartoon/Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad/The Mask: The Animated Series/Gargoyles/Mighty Ducks/Jumanji/Quack Pack/Bruno the Kid/Freakazoid!/Casper/Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego/The Wild Thornberrys/Voltron: The Third Dimension/Hey Arnold!/The Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot/Johnny Bravo/Pinky, Elmyra & the Brain/Batman Beyond/Redwall: Mattimeo/Samurai Jack/Loonatics Unleashed, Peter Firth from Equus(h0rse p0rn0e)/The Rescuers Down Under(had a nsaked chick in 1 frAME)/Pearl Harbor (had alec haldwin and ben aff-ck)/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (like p0rn0e), Scott Glenn from Apocalypse Now/The Silence of the Lambs(f--kin ghey)/Backdraft/The Virgin Suicides/Vertical Limit/Training Day/Freedom Writers, the wonderful jim jones aka James Earl Jones from Dr. Strangelove/Star Wars/Exorcist II: The Heretic/Conan the Barbarian/Coming to America/Naked Gun 33+1⁄3: The Final Insult/The Lion King/Judge Dredd/Fantasia 2000/Scary Movie 4/Driving Miss Daisy/Highway to Heaven/The Simpsons/Garfield and Friends/Law & Order/Touched by an Angel/Frasier/The Big Bang Theory, Jeffrey Jones from Amadeus/Ferris Bueller's Day Off/Howard the Duck/Beetlejuice/Stuart Little/Sleepy Hollow/Duckman/Eek! Stravaganza/Batman: The Animated Series/Aaahh!!! Real Monsters/The Zeta Project, The Zeta Project, Richard Jordan from Logans run/Dune,, Sam Neill from Omen III: The Final Conflicta cRY iN THE dARK//Jurassic Park 01/03/06/ The 94 live action The Jungle Book i hated/Event Horizon/Bicentennial Man, ther evil Stellan Skarsgard from Deep Blue Sea/Exorcist: The Beginning/Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist/Pirates of the Caribbean 02 and 03/Mamma Mia!/The Avengers by marvel, the right honorable Freddie Dalton Thompson froim Thunderheart/Law & Order/svu/trial by jury/criminal intent/ the goofd wife, Courtney B. Vance from Law and Order/The Wild Thornberrys/Law & Order: Criminal Intent/The Spectacular Spider-Man/The Spectacular Spider-Man, Tomas Arana from from The Last Temptation of Christ/The Bodyguard/Gladiator/Pearl Harbor/The Dark Knight Rises/Guardians of the Galaxy/Law & Order: Criminal Intent/Justice League Unlimited, Timothy Carhart from Ghostbusters/Desperately Seeking Susan/Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh/Air Force One//Quantum Leap/Law & Order/The Twilight Zone 2002/Touched by an Angel/Judging Amy, Daniel Davis from Highway to Heaven/Aaahh!!! Real Monsters/Duckman/Rugrats/Frasier/Gotham, Rick Ducommun from Spaceballs/Die Hard 001/Gremlins 002//Thelast boyn scout/Encino man/Groundhog Day/The Last Action Hewro/SAcary Movie 001/MVP: Most Valuable Primate, Larry Ferguson from The Last Action Hero, Ronald Guttman from SVU/Law and Order/Criminal Intent/The West Wing/The Good Wife/On the Basis of S=x, On the Basis of Sex, anthony peck from the last action hero.Die Hard, die hard with a begnegnce, Ned Vaughn from Apollo 13, Gates McFadden from Labrynth/Star Trek Generations/Party of Five/Family Guy/Peter Jason from Mommie Dearest/The Karate Kid/Prince of Darkness/Arachnophobia(thATS RACISAT AGAINST SPIDERS! wHAT IF I MADE A MOVIE ABOTU MUTANT HYBRID ITALIANO TAKING OVE?!)Marked for Death/Village of the D===ed/Congo/Mortal Kombat 01/The Glimmer Man/Ghosts of Mars/Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom/Batman: The Animated Series/Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman/Pinky and the Brain/Batman Beyond/Jackie Chan Adventures/Desperate Housewives/Gears of War 2/3, and a few others not on candy a55 c-ck suck wikipedia

i never saw this but heard the name often

after logo we get text satying how in 84 this soviet subn went under and had raDIO ACTIVITY AND SOME CREW EWWRE RESCUSED

they its a a soviet base and sean connery is a soviet despite being a scot, which is ciltural appropriation

then hes on a nucular sub and we get title ands creitdss to societ msuic

then john travolta looking alec baldinw says bye to his fam and goes on a mkssion

on da plane he wont sleep as he dont like turbulance and after landing goes to a govb base to meet darth vader from coann

so da red ocvtover is a nucular sub that has a high rank captain in charge and it has special doors on it they dont know what they do

alec wants to show the photoes of it to some guy and jim jones sez 1 guy lost a leg doing something

SO LATER THERES AN Americano sub in the boundless abyss of the sea and looking for cr-p and the black guy is training the newer guy how to sonar

the black guy is all big bang nerdy and into classical music and they sense something ahead

meanwhile, the soviets are spazzing around and cAPTAIN IS told off by a guy who sez he cares for the bible i mean the people and dont care for privacy and readys the bible then switches to English about the guy who made the nuke in the 40s

sean sez he keeps the bible as a memento of his wife and this is his boat but the officer sez the ship belongs to the people of the ussr

sean gets his orders and its in a lock safe and it sez to meet anothe rsub of a guy who sean taught b4 and likes him

officer wants to tell the crew so sean kills him with his bare hands as in an age of technology, the deadliest weapon is the human body

then he bruns the orders and calls the dr and sez "there was an accudent" like ep stein or j fk or diana

then in an americano shipyard they are making a rescue sub and editing it to lock on with any other sub like sonic and saakncukllews

alic worries of what the doors on the red october might unleash and ed roony from ferris buelar sez it miught be a silent probe that sounds like whales bn0ning to sonar

at 12 ed's dad made a nuke shelter as the sovciets put nukes in commie cuba and this soviet guy might do worse

tim curry from 90s cr-p sez they cant go on w/o a gov guy and political officer and sean takes his nuke key and gives it to himself for the others to see

tim worries about this as now 1 man can fire nukes instead of 2 and as theres radio silence ordered, they cant call back

the Americano Subbo get a fax machine post and it sez there sa new sub

there being 2 keys and 1 having both is like the zelda 870s cartoon with the triforce

seanconners tells his orders to the crew and sez they are going against the Americans and have the edge now like with the sputnik

they do the silent drive and are gonna slip past their own fleet who dont know what they can do and will sneak past the Americans to go to their space and do missile drills

when the silent drive jet starts the american sub detects a blip and the soviets sing societ songs

the black guy sez the soviet sub vanished and he heard singing

in zee ussr, this guy whos a big high rank homie comes in and gets a letter from marko ramias and drops his vodka

alec baldwin, who is gonna get into p0rmn0 and be phalec baldwin, gets a call and meets jim jones and is told the soviets have silent propilsion working

they go to see the prez's secrutity advicor and phalec has to tell them what the sub can do as he knows it best

he tells em this huge a55 sub thats as big as an aircradft carrier has silent engines that their captain ramias whos sean connery is doing it and can be undetected by their systems

just use  psycjics or ki sense to detect them

the americans used psychuc spuies in the cold war

then the sovies are sending a buncha subs across the atlantic and none in the good ocean and it could be an exercise

also seans wifes uncle is there iin the meeting room i think or maybe not but alec recognices him on a photo or w./e

so the gov wants to sink the red october and alec realizes somethign and sez "yuu sunnova b-==ch!" and says sean might wanna defect as hes lithuwanian and has no fam in the ussr

also he has trained  a lot of soviets whos loyal to him and its the 1 year since his wife got iced

the politician there clears the room and tells off phalec over his ideas and wait, he sez i mean asks what to do about it

phalec sez to try an inspection and try to help them and contact sean as phalec actually met him b4

pohalec is given 3 days to prove it or the gov will end sean connery and policiosticn dont wanna risk his own men

so da soviets are told they gotta sink the rewd octioober and the crewof the red octoober worry that the gov agent is murdered and the crew might mutrany

sean sez after reacbning the new world, Cortez burned his ships and hes going all the way and isnt worried

also sean sent a message in his letteer to the soviet high status guy and i think it said hes defecting and his men dopnt like that as they'd be onto em, but he nows what the sovietys doo

black guy managed to use the sonar or w/e to anaylze the sound the silent running thing did and by running it at 10x speed, he found what it was and can track it

with adds its like an hour in, that felt like nothing

so he figures its heading for iceland  coast and the maga displacement he scanned was actually the soviet silent sub

so fred dalton thompson from law and order ez trhey gotta make it so the soviets dont think they got the sub and dont start ww3 like people saidf back door biden would

after phalec leaves , fre dsez pjhaelc got f'd in a chjopper accident and spent years relearning how to walk and was in traction for a year so hes a good fighyer

so the soviets go on and recalculate their route and the sean overdid the nucular reactors to overload so to give em a break, they go to propellors

so a soviet party memnber goes to the ameircans and sez their sub went missing and it has many sons  of high rank party members and needs America to rescue trhem

the american counterpart agrees to a joint rescuer mission and by iceland is a soviet anti sub craft

theres a sub nearing them and it gets close and near the break wait its heading for the weall of rock, and they turn close and a torpedo heading for them misses them and hits the wall

this huge slow moving metal d0ng gradually turning was made to be action packed

sean thinks someone sabutages the boat and to be on guard and phalec wonders how to make a crew wanna get off a nucular sub

phaelec sees that the soviets are trying to send the red october to the sovioet subs near them and ambush him

also this was only rated pg in america but was 13+ in  artgentina/malasia/phillieones/taiwan/trkey as they are candy a55 c=lk suckers

you dont NEED to make it r rated or even pg13 to be good, tell a story, dont worry about the age limits

so plhalec balwdin wants to get on the sub chasing red ovtober and a plane slams into the carrier phalec is on and he's sent out in a chopper to the americano sub with the black guy from law and order criminal intent

the head of the amewricano sub saez he saw a mermaid,. a shark ean an octopus and never a phantom soviet sub

hje saw a f=-=kin mermaid?! thats a story to follow!

seran is told the crew knoes of the sabotager and are scared and they are soviets so thats somnething

sam neil ants to live in amnerica and marry an American woman and raise rabbits and drive a pick up truck and drive from state to state and is surpirzed san sez he dont need papers to do so

sam also wants a 2nd wife and to live in arizona but rudy vlaentino was arrwssted for that and was mo lested in jail

the amceican sub sees something and worried of bumping nto the societ sub

sean goes on about his past and how his woman bvit it when he was at sea and i assume hshe was iced by the societs

so phaelc baledon is lowered on to the sub by a harness in a cold storm and falls in the artic sea

so after somehow getting him up they bring him in and he looks like david schwimmer all devolved like that by the water

the sovuet party guy tells his american compriority and sez sean is gone nuts and is gonna attck with missiles and the soviuets want the americans to end him

phaelic balwdin whos jack ryan tells em that the ship guys are gonna defect and b4 he tells da captain, the captyain is gonna fight the sub

also in the book was the brit navy involved but here they cleaned it up so none of those candya55es with devolved teeth ruin this film

violence jack archer i mean ryan i mean baker i mean ryan tells captain that sean is gonna defect and the soviets want him dead and he know him and tells capotain not to end sean

jackie ryano sez saen always turns left at some time and the sub starts tu turn and both subs prepart to fire on each other

sean tells his men to ready the tubes but not to open the doors and ready the computer

the americans see hes not opened the doors to fire and they rise to the surface

jackson polack sends a message to sean asking if hes gonna use missiles and sean respondes with a singhle ping to acknlowege

jack-oh sends a message to go to this place and jack sez he didnt klnow sean would turn left but had a 50/50 chance at a guess

sean sends a 1 ping to replay i mean replyu and heads for this abyssal oplace

this 1 soviet guy on there dont like this and sabotages the ship so a smoke alarm goes off

wait its a nucular damage and its irradiating the shiup and they have 4-6 hours so they gotta evacuate

tim curry from the mighty ducks and mighty max sez there wassabotage an sean sez "Who mentioned sabutage?" so they ditch the ship

arent they irradiated? if they go on wont they poison others?

nucular aids!

so another ship is heading for them and itd an american frigate

the soviets leave the ship in rafts and a torpedo is firted and said to have hit the red octovber and sank it

as the soviets come across in rafts the americano sub goes to see the soviet one and its freakin huge!

like the dfg 1 or something from robotech!(i mean sdf 1)

its like comparing a cycloine to a zentraedi!

so the american sub links to the soviet one like sonic 2 and sonic and knuckles and they hammer the lip and it opens and they go in

best idea; audio for the sonic and knuckles lock on technolkogy and video of a b0-ner heading for a butt!

violkecne jack goes on the ship and meets the soviets and 1 offers falec baldwin a smoke

baack in soviet poland, my grandpa smoked european faegs, but didn;'t liek american ones so he quit after coming tyo the 1st world. died of heart failure

phaelic baldwin and sean talk in each others languages and phaelic sez he remembers him from a dinner

sean asks why fire on them and he sez to keep up the illusion of being enemies and he guessed that their reactor accident was false

it was false and he got lucky and sean asks for assuylum to america and more torpedoes are heading for em

its the invid! they'vbe come for the protoculture!

so the americans stay on the soviet sub and the rescue sub detaches and sean weants jack to help

jack sez he only writes books for the agency of intelligence and isnt a naval officer and sean uses him anyway

sean sez to do right 3 1 5 and captain of american sub sez dont and it turns out its right in the tordpoedos path

gotta say, this is more exciting than a star wars battle as this is good tension and drama, instead of a cgi mess of lasers and asplosions

sean asks what jack wrote and he sez a bio on admild halsey and sean sez "i read that, u were all wroing"

as sean headed toward the torpedo, it hit b4 it could arm itself and came apart, so now the enemy is gonna disable the safety of his torpedoes

the american ship cant  fire on the soviets w/o authorization and the red october has to dface this on its own

then someone opens fire on them in the sub and they dont see who and sam neil gets it in the chest

if only he was raspiutin and could survive, or teddy roosevelt, he walked off a bullet

the sabotager went to the missiale bay and is gonna blow themn all to h e doubel soviety england

sean and jack go after him and captan gives sean a firearm

sean takes one in the shoulder and jack goes in with the nukes as the bad guy fires on him

red october goes on and jack goes up on a metal wire floor above the area and drips a light that makes the sabotager fire on him but misses and hits a  pipe that spills cr-p on him

another torpedo is fired and a rescue su draws it away and drops chaffe tio draw and blow it

wait the torpedo went off course and went searching for anothe rtarget

also tis weird 80s cgi

so jack sees the sabotager and its da cook and hes got the wires and is gonna blow em back to h-ll but jack empties his gun into him

rescue sub goes arounf and gets the soviet sub that fired it and the crew on the surface thinks the red october sacriviced itcslt

the soviet party guy thinks the red october went under and says maybe in the future we can salvage it with tehc, aldso anothe rsub went under

the real red october survived and jack archer or ryen has the sean cullen hide it in a river far froim naval bases and sean sez the red october was made to hit America 1st tyo end the conflist

jack and sean talk about their love  of fishing and sean quotes Columbus

phalec balwdin sez "welcomme to the new world" and takes a plane trip and sleeps

the end

that was quite good

nice story and characters

good wreiting and editing

and its got goof action without being a cgi mess of flashing lights and green screen

its partly written by john millius and hes always good

i never knew anything of jack reacher and this was a well made film that has good style and substance

its kinda long but it doesnt feel it like titanic

its mostly clean and has better drama and action than most films today and holds up well

For The Hunt For Red October 2 I want Sean Connory to give the Americans info on the soviets planning a mission to the North Pole to find the Hollow Earth Passage and that's the Real reason the Soviets made the ship. So Sean and Jack go on a mission to get there b4 the soviets and face the WWw2 Germans who stayed up there since the 40s and have maDE A PACT WITH THE DAEMONS WHO LIVE THERE and are working toprepare a counter attack and have been breeding with the daemons there for decades to grow a hybrid species of soldiers and haVE AMOST ENOUGH TO TAKE ON aMERICA and after finding this out, Jacxk and the Soviet Sean go to escape from the north pole area asnd take on soviets and Germans and Hybrids and daemons, A;lso the Sub has a hidden feature to transform into a Mech Forme and Fly asnd Fight. Its ALSO a 16 bit shmup in o mean on sega genesis, snes, tg16, gba and atari jaguar