Thursday, September 30, 2021

Game Reviews Volume 16 From 2021 Part III

More games I played over the last month and a bit

Just played Mario Party Advance on GBA. Its a twist on the N64 games as its 1 player and you move around the board. Each character starts at a different place on the board and only 1 character plays at a time. You roll dice and choose what spaces to go and if you go back on the same dice roll, you get the numbers back.. You gotta do over 40 missions to beat the game and after you do enough, you unlock Boswer Pipes and can go to the Bowser square to access the pipe, then go through it and go to the Bowser space for a mini game thing to earn a Gadget. If you lose a challenge you can use one of your Mushrooms for another chance. You use Mushrooms as Dice Blocks and can win more in Mini Games. After 3 Turns you get a chance to win 3 more Mushrooms in a Mini Game. But you don't get to practice and  get 1 shot at most of them. After you run outta Shrooms you get to start the board over but can choose a new character. But you keep all missions beat from before. The game Autosaves and has a file, but my copy doesn't hold the save so I can't finish this unless I spend several days playing this to get all the missions beat and items collected in 1 long play of not turning it off. some missions can only be done with some characters and you gotta play it multiple times to get all the things. There's no coins either and some squares are lose a turn or a mini game with Kid Bowser or this Toad thing that reminds me of Bokkun from Sonic X. Its not bad but each time you start the game, you HAVE to do a certain mission depending on the character and can't skip it. Also there's a LOT of unskippable text, and it plays each time you try or retry a mission or Bowser Fight. Its not bad but it could be improved quite a bit. I liked it though.

Just beat Asterix and the Great Rescue on my 106 Game Gear Games in 1 GBA Cart. Its kind of an Action Platformer based on the European thing where you play as either Asterix who can use items, crouch walk and move faster, or or Obelix who can push things, Break blue bricks  and do a butt stomp by holding Down when you jump. Its 5 levels with 3 Continues and a few lives per try. 1 button is jump and 1 is punch. Hold punch to use an item or wind up a punch depending on character. Down and jump lets you change the selected item. Down and Punch lets you change characters and they share a life bar. You also get a password system of a bunch of numbers but I think it only gets you to the start of the area and not the zone you were in, as each level has like 6 zones. There are power ups like more life, extra guys and invincibility that gives you more speed for a time. each boss has a way to beat him and the one that gave me the most issue was the log rolling boss where you alternate  Punch and Jump fast to roll the log the other way because I had no idea what to do and kept getting beat. If you go off screen and come back, the item you just collected returns and you can collect it again up to 3 of the same item. its pretty hard and cheap but can be beat if you figure out what to do. I'd say use a guide or walkthrough to know where to go. Also playing on Easy makes a few enemies and obstacles not be there. You gotta know what to do and where to go for this, and what Items to use where, like the plant covering item to get past The Phantom Knights. Glad I played it but  it can be a bit rough. Good colors and Graphics though

Just played Double Dragon The Revenge Of Billy Lee on my 106 Game Gear Games in 1 GBA Multucart. Its by Virgin who is usually good but this time its a bit much. 1 button is punch and the other is kick, but with up it makes you do a rolling jump like Sonic and down makes you do a low kick. Down and punch lets you pick up items like life, extra guys and guns. It controls kinda off and often I try to jump attack and just do a standing kick. Also its kinda unbalanced. Maybe if I played it more I'd get better but its kinda shoddy. You get several lives and 3 Continues but can earn more after each round with Points. You get more points depending on how many hits you gave compared to how many you took. If you bite it you continue where you left off but if you use a Continue it makes you restart the area. There's 6 levels and a few zones per level but there's a lot of cheap hits. The 2nd level boss is pretty overpowered and rough to get by. On level 3 you gotta punch switches and a chain lowers and you gotta jump on it to lift you up. But on the 2nd chain, no matter how I jumped, it wouldn't catch and I couldn't advance. I mean it wasn't a great game or anything, but I was hoping to beat it. I like the rolling jump and the graphics but some parts are kinda cheap. Its not the worst but Virgin usually does better than this.

Just beat Double Dragon The Revenge Of Billy Lee on my 106 Game Gear Games in 1 GBA Multucart. Kind of an ordeal. 1 button is punch and the other is kick, but with up it makes you do a rolling jump like Sonic and down makes you do a low kick. Down and punch lets you pick up items like life, extra guys and guns. It controls kinda off and often I try to jump attack and just do a standing kick. Its pretty tough and had cheap enemy's that take come getting used to. The worst are ther chicks with sticks. You get several lives and 3 Continues but can earn more after each round with Points. You get more points depending on how many hits you gave compared to how many you took. If you bite it you continue where you left off but if you use a Continue it makes you restart the zone. There's 6 levels and a few zones per level but there's a lot of cheap hits. On level 3 you gotta punch switches and a chain lowers and you gotta jump on it to lift you up. But on the 2nd chain, no matter how I jumped, it wouldn't catch and I couldn't advance. I looked up a walkthrough and found you gotta walk into it, but only at the right spot. You can't grab or throw guys and can't fall into pits. There's guns you can use and the final boss can be beat by just jumping back and forth over him. Plus some weird alien face in a fall. Oh and a boss rush, complete with the boss you just beat 3 mins ago. The chainsaw guy might be a ref to DD2 on GB. Its not awful once you get used to it, but its not as pick up and play as other ones. I think I preferred DD 3 and 5 on Sega better, but I thought those weren't bad. Glad I finally got through this one. Its kinda like The Lion King: Hard but doable

Just beat Bionic Commando on my 150 NES games in 1 GBA Multicart. Its a Platform Run N Gun where B is shoot and A is Grappling Claw. You can't jump but can swing and climb by aiming up, sideways or diagonal. Select pauses and Start uses the Item like a Life Potion or Flare. You move around a map in a Chopper and choose weapons, items, and communicators to go to these levels and get to the end or beat a boss or blow a generator or w/e. There's good cutscenes you get by communicating or wiretapping in com rooms that tell you what to do and where to go. On the map are enemy vehicles that if you run into, you get a bonus level to go through like Ikari Warriors  and earn Continues. You get a few lives and 0 Continues but can get quite a few from the Ikari Levels, and even farm em. Also after you ice a grunt, he drops a think and you can collect it and with enough, get life bar extended. If you bit it you return to where you last entered the Level and using a Continue puts you back art the map screen, but if you fall on the final boss and continue, you return to the area you fell at. You use the Grappling Claw to swing around like Spider Man or Batman and can cheese through some areas if used right. There's also springs to pseudo jump. It works pretty well. The story is pretty good and its got Hitler coming back in the Japan Version. It controls well but you can't turn while ducking. You can also grind by beating the same guys to get more life. Its a pretty good game that gets easier as it goes on as you get stronger. I used a walk through so I wouldn't be stumbling around and it wasn't too rough often but some parts are a bit tight.

Just beat Rival Turf for SNES on my DS R4. Its a Beat Em Up by Jaleco that's pretty much a discount Final Fight. You play as 1 of 2 guys, a Fast guy in Red and a big guy who's slower but uses wrestling moves instead of  normal throws. You get 5 continues and 5 lives each (4 to 0) and got 6 levels. 1  button is jump, 1 is punch, 1 is stronger attack that has recoil and 1 lets you run. Its kinda simple and has decent graphics and not bad music. There's a kind of Boss Rush where you refight a few bosses before the final guy. Its not bad and controls ok but some enemy's you gotta learn. You often throw guys but if they grab you, they throw you, but it takes em a while. Sometimes I can jump kick out but not often. Some guys are a bit tricky but if you move up and down or just nickle and dime em with jump kicks, its not too rough. In the options you otta turn on the Angry Mode that lets you go all Ben Stiller from Mystery Men and use the power of getting mad to become invincible and do more damage for a bit. Its only once per life and you can't choose when to do it, but it helps. If you bite it or use a continue, you return right where you left off and the options let you choose what buttons do what. Its not bad but could be better. Once you figure out the enemy patters its not so rough. Glad I did this

Just beat the NES game Splatterhouse: Wanpaku Graffiti on my DS R4. Its a kind of parody Prequel to the trilogy where you play as Rick and chip with an axe and sometimes use a Shotgun to bust through these G Rated Grade School horror things like Jack O Lanterns and Ghosts and Bats and Spiders. The bosses are based on 80s horror like The Fly or The Exorcist and its done in a fun way. A is Jump and B is attack and you control the jump height by holding the button longer. Its got likable graphics and good music and controls pretty well. You get a bigger life bar by busting more guys and there's a 4 number password to return to the levels you were at. The password don't save your life extension but it don't leave you too low. You get no lives and 5 Continues and that just returns you to the part you left off at instead of restarting the area like with passwords. Its pretty good and there's 2 spheres you gotta collect by going to the right places in certain levels to get the good ending. The 2nd one is in the final level. The rat boss with wind blasting that barfs out smaller rats took some time and I think that inspired Ryokan or w/e that furry who barfs wolves was called in Inuyasha. Its kinda like Kid Dracula with its cheerful atmosphere and fun kids horror. Glad I played it. It holds up well

Just beat Power Blade 2 foe NES on my DS R4. Its kind of a Mega Man style game where A is Jump, B is attack, Select is Item and Start pauses and lets you change armor with the D pad. Like Castlevania you gotta collect Power Ups to increase the Power and Range of your weapon (A Bladerang) and biting it drops it a level. Down and Jump goes a slide and each armor you unlock by beating a mini boss has a different power was swimming or flying or wall climbing or barrier but it runs on an energy meter that's refilled by getting Walkie Talkies. You get infinite Continues and a password but using it sends you to the start of a level and restarts you w/o any power ups. You can grind for more Power Ups but there's a Time Limit, but its usually like 600 seconds. Like Mega Man there's Spikes or Drills or w/e that kill in 1 hit and puts. In each level is a Life Refill that us used with Select to refill the Life Bar and Energy Refill that restores your Armor energy automatically when it runs out. There's 1 checkpoint in each level and you only get 3 guys per Continue (2 1 0) so often you'l be restarting the level a lot. Its kinda tough at times and takes some getting used to, but is a pretty good game. It took me 4 hours to get through and its got really good graphics, art and nice music. I like the black BG and pixel art. Its like the NES Batman. The main character is a big beefy manly man outta the 80s and is so tough, he don't need air, as he stays underwater as long as he wants. Also some parts are autoscrolling up or down and if you go before the floor shows up you bite it. Its not a bad game but is a bit of a challenge at times. Glad I played it.

Just played the SNES Mighty Morphin Power Rangers on my DS R4. Its a beat em up on 1 plane like Altered Beast but not autoscrolling. B is Jump, Y is Attack and X is Screen Nuke you get 1 per level max but can get a replacement from a power up. Most of it is fighting Puttys and halfway through the level you go from human to Power Ranger forme, then fight through more until you get to the boss and face him. Its pretty forgiving and you can take a lot of damage. I never bit it once while playing. Its got a Password system that's only 4 numbers like Alien Soldier and its got colorful graphics and nice music, esp of the Power Rangers Theme. It plays well and each of the 5 rangers looks different, but when they morph its all the same Suit Sprite just recolored. Its pretty each and I could've beat this if the game didn't crash  in the 4th level when the Chandelier fell. I tried with different characters and screwed with the settings but it still glitched out. Its a pretty good game and good simple clean fun. Glad I played it but I with I could've beat it.

Just beat the NES/Famicon game Kyouryuu Sentai Zyuranger on my DS R4. Its based on the show that Season 1 of Power Rangers was made of and has music from it. A is Jump and B is attack and you can pause. You get a few lives and can earn more by getting enough Coins in each level which also refills your health when the last one you need is got. Its a simple game if you know what to do and can be beat in like half an hour. You have 5 levels, each with a different Ranger, and gotta get to a door to get the Weapon, then it replaces your blaster and you get to the next door fight a boss. The Green Ranger is in cutscenes and there's mini games where you play Pong with the Zords or Hot Potato with Scorpina. Also are Trivia Games where you Choose A B or C but its in Japanese. There's no Continues but a 3 image password that returns you to the start of the level. If you bite it on a boss you resummon and continue the fight with the boss at the same damage. It you bite it on a level you start over. Its not a bad game and has some good stuff. If you want a simple and clean game to beat quick, This is a good one. Glad I played this

Just beat Road Rash on my 106 Game Gear Games in 1 GBA Multicart). What an ordeal! 1 button is Gas and 1 is punch and there's no brake so you gotta release Gas and hope you slow down enough. You gotta get through 5 races in California 5 times and come in 4th or better to beat it. There's cars going down both sides of the road and after you go by 1, there's usually another on the other side coming soon after, even if you fall of and repass the same one. If you take enough crashes the bike breaks and you're outta the race and gotta pay for repairs. If the cops catch you off your bike you're out and got pay a fine. But the cops ONLY go after you AND can appear outta nowhere after you crash and get you. Also the 5 race tracks are the same over and over but get longer each level you go up. Some of these races take over 8 minutes. And 1 mistake and you gotta start the whole thing over. Its pretty much the same as the Genesis one but if you get hit from behind soon after getting back on a bike: it don't knock you off but instead boosts you. After you beat all 5 races 5x you get to do the last 5 over and over forever. You don't got lives or continues but have money and when its out its game over. There's a password system with letters and numbers to keep track of your stats and its kinda rough. Its got personality with character pictures between races and comments from the racers and has good music. The graphics are rough as its so small and grainy and screws up your eyes after a while so you gotta take breaks. Plus its hard to make out when a car is coming or if there's an oil stain on the road to screw up your tires, or a deer to knock you off your bike. Its impressive how well it captured the Genesis game in 8 bit but its hard on the eyes. Often I bump something, fly off my bike, skid on the ground for a while, eventually get up, and slowly walk back to the bike, but get hit by another racer or car and go flying or trip on a rock I walked into. There's rear view mirrors and you can buy better bikes with money. You get more money from doing better in races and higher level races give more, but you still get a little from coming in 10th or so. You can redo the same race you're good at to grind for money til you get enough to get the better bikes tough. Its pretty angering and unfair and if you're playing on a real game gear, its gonna be hard as  it'll probably run outta batteries before beating 1/4th of the racers. Its fun at times but gets far too tough and irritating. Skip this one if you are going for beating it. Its not worth it.

Just beat Batman Returns on my 106 Game Gear Games GBA Multicart. You play as him and have unlimited Continues to get through 5 levels. But if you run outta guys you start the level over. Each level besides the last one has an Easy and Hard route and with the easier one being Route 1. 1 button is attack with Batarang or fist if its already out and the other is jump, but pressing it again uses a cable that you can swing on with with the D Pad. If you pause there's a menu that lets you change Batarangs from higher range or damage and have a screen nuke that does well on bosses. You get a life bar and Bosses that use a pattern and you collect more life or Nukes by hitting Bats hovering in some areas. Its pretty simple and easy and plays pretty well but some parts feel like you can't avoid being hit. Good graphics and music and it can be beat in like half an hour. I liked this one and its a nice lite game that's a good run. Glad I played this.

Just played Holy Diver on my 150 NES games in 1 GBA Multicart. Its like Castlevania but with a lot of metal and rock refs to the names of characters and such. You go through these side scrolling levels with A to jump, B to attack, a pause menu wit Start and Select turns on a super move that is used with B that uses Magic points. Its got good graphics with dark heavy themes and is by Irem who did Hammerin Harry and R-Type. The music isn't bad but the real issue is the difficulty. Its far too hard. Worse than Castlevania and Ninja Gaiden. There's only 6 levels and you get Unlimited Continues with 3 lives each and biting it sends you back to the start of the area you bit in it, but using a Continue makes you restart the whole level. There's a few levels where you turn into a Green Dragon and can fly and fire mouth shots. But I got to this 1 boss on level 4 with 3 rotating turrets on a tower that are often out of range, and its above a put with moving platforms to jump across, So if you get hit by one of his 3 turrets, you fall off and die. Even using save states to not have to do the whole level to get back to him, I still couldn't beat him and it was just too much. I know the top, then middle, then bottom, them top again turrets fire in that order, but on moving platforms and only able to hit them at certain times, unless you use a long blast that has limited ammo, it was too much. I wanted to finish this game, but that part makes it just too much stress. I regret playing this game. Its got some good parts, but its not worth it. Oh and you get permanent life/magic extenders and items for more abilities.

Just beat Daikatana on GBC. Its kind of a Zelda clone where you play as this future Samurai and go across time with a magic sword. A is jump, B is attack, Start brings up the Save Screen and Select opens the Menu to choose weapons. Some have Ammo and others have unlimited uses. You can save at any time and enemies resummon when you return. Unlike Zelda there's no world map and you are sent where you are meant. Life is numbers that goes up as you beat bosses and there's Armor that takes hits before the Life does. Its got a good story and nice unseen twists and a lot of unskipable cut scenes but it holds up. Nice 8 bit graphics and music and it controls pretty well. No lives or continues but you just go back to the start screen when you bite it. Some parts took a bit of figuring out like that 1 square you had to hit with the hammer in the Yellow and red symboled floor and I had to look it up. Its a pretty good Zelda clone and it was worth going out of my way to get a repro cart of, as it was never released in America cuz the N64 version was awful. Glad I got this. It can be beat in a few hours so its not a big investment. Oh and in some parts we control other players and they can't use some weapons, but its not bad.

Just beat Batman of the Future: Return of the Joker on GBC. Its a beat em up based on Batman Beyond the movie where you play as Batman and beat up The Jokerz for like an hour. There's cool cutscenes and Batman's sprite is black with white pixels for an outline to look good. A is jump and B is attack, Start pauses and Select opens a menu to change weapons. You find em in crates and have things like Nunchaku and a Staff that weren't in the show but seem cool. Its pretty easy as you got 3 lives and are better than all the other guys, but they ain't in a high tech batsuit so it makes sense. Not only do you get a password to continue, you have unlimited Continues AND restart at the start of the room you bit it in. The enemy AI is a joke. They walk around and right into your fists, and often walk off cliffs. But its The Jokerz so they ain't rocket scientists. If there's a pipe or statue between you and a foe, you can kick em through it and they go down easy. Its not a bad way to kill an hour and follows the movie pretty well.  Probably the most forgiving Batman game I ever did. I got the European version as it was cheaper and I'm glad I got it. If you use a Continue you don't keep all your items, but you don't need em. Also you can glide on wings by jumping and holding Jump, and can guide it. Its pretty decent if you like comic accurate games where you can take anyone on no sweat.Just beat Toki on my 218 Sega Genesis games in 1 Multicart. Its a Run N Gun Platformer where you play as a Jungle Caveman who was devolved into a Chimpus annd has to save his gf. You get up to 7 Continues with up to 9 guys each but can collect enough food or points to get more. 1 button is jump, 1 is fire and Start Pauses. If you bite it you restart the area and there are 9 worlds with 3 areas plus a boss fight. You bite it in 1 hit and move kinda slow but there are power ups like Sneakers for better Jumping or Stars for Invincibility. You can also jump on bad guys and aim up, diagonal up, lower when crouched or diagonal down when on a slope. Its got pretty good  music and the graphics  are well done. There's 1 water world and each level stands out as unique. You can't play the last level on Easy and if you use a Continue on the Final Boss you redo Level 9 3, But biting it on him doesn't make you replay the 1st forme. Its pretty good over all and there's a Level Select code to choose any non boss level you want. Also there are not only power ups for different attacks, but they wear off after a while or go after you bite it. The enemy's have fun names in the credits and have good designs. Glad I played it. Its a decent game and there's often a quick way to get to the end of each level if you have a power up like blasting a brick wall or using Sneakers.

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Rip Van Winkle Review

 Note; i spell like i'm from anothjer era

rip van winkle

this is my review on Rip Van Winkle from 1921

Its stars no one I know as most died decades b4 I was born

Its directed by  Edward Ludwig who did The Blacvkl Scorpion (Black Zarak from Transformers Super God Masterforce?!) and is based on a story by WEashington Irving

I never saw this b4 but everyone knows this story

Also its not connected to Vanilla Ice who's real name is Rob Van Winkle

Oh and the guy playing rip is named Thomas Jefferson

So it starts with rvw (not ewj(earth worm jim)) slleeping in the hills to avoid getting yelled at

a bear licks his hand and he thinks its his dog at 1st, but freaks out and runs (WHICH YOU SHOULDN'T DO! it makes em chase you from hunting instinct!! Stand your ground like your taking on a junkie and scare it off with claps and yells and looking big)

so he escapes with his dog schnieder, like the Liger Zero Upgrade in Zoids, or the Reindhart from Castlevania 64)

he finds a village founded by holland dutch as big as a soviet brittish province

meanwhile his wife gretchen the retchin is being b--chy and the innkeeper sells booze that gets the town drunk

gretch the retch b--ches at em and about her husband, and rips daughter is the 1 good thing in his life

shes homies with the inmmkeepers son and they go out to find rip torn

then theres derrick who's kind of a swindler who gyps people

he jood rip outta his lands as he wanted grtretch to be his woman and they'd do it together

he gets the innkeeper to add more money to his owe list by threatening to ouut him for late rent

tthe kids find rip and he's drunk but his kid loves him and he wants to stop drinking and tells innkeeper jr to not drink

inkeeper jr wants to marry rip jr and care for her and rip has another swig

so rip and the kids come down and he saves a kid from being carrieds off on a kite

hhe gets home to da village and drinks with the guys and his dog goes in to gretch the retch

she boots it out with a broom and he tests to see if shes ok with him by throwing his hat in

she sends it out and throws other things, 1 of which nasils a  guy in da head

nailed guy goes in to handle her but gets chucked out and runs

she goes out ands he hides and derrick's nephew comes over to derrick with his letters he's been readiong

it shows the letter but I cam't read it as the video quality is a55

derrick writes a letter and wants to give a drunk a gut of booze

nephew delivers the letter and rip i think comes over to derrick and has some drinks

the note is to rent 16 pounds from dererick that he'd pay in 20 years

he dont consent and will think it over and the derrick and nephew, nammed beekman like that 90s science guy leave

rip tailor talks to some blonde kid and kid learnbs reading, writing and arithmetic, oh its inkeeper jr

rip has him read the contract and sez if he cant read he wont marry his daughter

kid reads it as i guess ripper from castlevania can't read and it says he's selling all his sh-t to beermasan drrriock

he swears off drinking as it nearly cost him his home and items

at home, gretch the retch sees the butcher is there and she gets the bull

beekmans return to rip and he sez he dont sign anything after friday as its saturday and gives innkeeper a bag of coin and wipes his tab and buy for the village while saying he don't drink

then tells his droogs to have a dance and has 1 more drink that dont count as its to their health

everyone dances and has 20s fun and a cat is caught in a fat guys tuba

gretch the retch is chased by her buiull and comes back and sees ripstein dancing wiutgh a chick

then we hear the storm witch is doing something and a storm comes

this is turning into zelda

so the boys are at the inn and innkeeper jr is told to go to bed and he wants to be with rip jr as shes alone and he's allowed

he tells her a story that every 20 years the ghosts of hudson(the guy from gargoyles?) do vowling in the kaatskills. The balls hitting pins is thunder and the lightening is hudson lighting his pipe

I thought it was Angels going DBZ (I came up with this b4 Super devolved the canon)

So gretch the retch comes by and rip hides and hs homies cover for him but she's not mad, but cares for him as she's worried of him in the storm

She has rip garlic jr put a plate out for him and rip is still drinking and being a c-ck suck

no wonder his woman is so b--chy! He drovbe her to it!

Its lke Chichi in DBZ

So rip comes home and trys to sneak in but wifer catches him and he trys to cover

she finds hes dry but has booze andfhe trys to come onto his kinda chubby wife(as i guess hes into fat chix) but dshe shoves his drunk A55 down

he makes up a story of trying to catch a rabbit to eat (but its not kosher! you'll ger parasites!) and da barrits did bugs bunny sh-t and f--ked with him and got away

So he sez he shot at ducks by ther pond and accidentally bent his rifle on a rock and it shot his bull by mistake

his woman crys cuz hes such a j-rk off amnd he trys comforting her, but really sneaks back his booze and sez he's gonna quit drinking

as he swigs after saying that his woman has enuff and sez she's done with him and is taking the kid and the house

she sends him out and their kid is bummed by it and innkeeper jr sez not to go

wife regrets it and tells him to return but he goes anyway and the fam is ruined as he drank too much and was a c-ck A55


f u caps lock

meanwhile, this gnome and human walk through these caves, is that rip? if so, whweere did he get that barrel?

eventually he is in thjis land of 3 foot tall people like lord of the rings but with real midgets instead of elija wood and the brother of the guy from the garbage pail kids movie

1 is human sized andhe notices there's no girls here

so i think a scene is missing as he falls over and blacks out and the people dissappear

later he wakes up and has a lot of white hair ands beard like Saruman from Lord of the Rings or Moses  and his guns all decroded

also his body is all f'd out and he heads home but no one recognises him

theres an a55load more people and he know none of em

1 guy herlps him up and to a table his droogs were at b4 but he gets up and looks around

the 1 guy tells his servant or employee oir slave or w/e to be nice to him cuz hes nuts

employee hears from rob van winkle that he's v w and is askerd where innkeeper is

inkeweper died in the war and servent tell of Paul Revere and of America winning its Freedom from Soviet england so it is no longer subserviant to the regent (like gaye olde canadae who was formed by those who liked being under the king's heel)

also  grown up rip jr is gonna sign deeds and i think future gretchen wants it to happenrip finds all his homies are IN h-ll and rip isa said to have died

gretchen married beekman derick and when derrick b--ches atr her, she just takes it

is this where Its A Wonderfuil Life got it from?

so gretch meets jack the RIPper and offers him a home and she seems to have learned the error of her ways of being b--chy as it ruined her marioage

like how after Goku died, Chichi trained Gotem (Super don't count. AF Does)

rip jr and rip sees each other and he's surprised his kid grew up

lets hope this don't go woody allen with him coming onto her

he asks about her dad and she sez he was kind in face and would never forget it

he sez last night he was rip vw and she was his kid but now its all gone

he admits hes her dad asnd they hug and shes glad to have him back like Gohan in the Buu arc

shes gonna call wife but he sez to call his dog(dogs live like 144 years)

this powdered wig dink is p-ssed sat rip aND WANTS RIP JR TO SIGN the papers

aparently, derrtiock beekman jr i mean nephew is gonna marry her but she wants to marry innkeeper jr

but he's sed 2 b dead after a flaMING boat sank

then innkeeper jr comes in alive AND TELLS off the super beekman bros

derrick is ghonna beat on gretchen for bringing back inkeepoer jr but rip reveals himself to be alive alive and shows them the contract derrick tried to cheat from him

as it was never signed, that means rip still ownsa the property and gretchen

beerkan dont think its real but inkeeper jr is gonna kick their candy a55es and they book it

then the video ends and i think that's the story

the end

that was pretty good

it shows raps life before the turn jump

its got a good side story about his kid

nice heart

i never read the original washington irving story but heard versions of it

looks up wikipedia page

huh, the original story is different

but this film tells a good story and is under an hour

and in here his wife is not as b--chy and learns to be nicer

in a way; this is the draGON BALL evolution of the story as it changed so much

also i never knew this was before and after 1776

It showws the dangers of booze and how it can ruin families and how hard it can be to escapoe its evil clutches

my dad read me the classics illustrated comic in 1999 and though I don't recall much, I liked it i think

plus aparently there are historical accounts from the bible and over the world of similar things happening

tales of faeries and opther otherworldly beings bringing Humanbs to their world

Remember that APTN show Red Earth Uncovered? they mentioned stuff like this

there is more to this world than we can know, and much of it was not meant for us

For Rip Van Winkle 2 I want his wife and daughter to be telling her dad about the last 20 years and he hears of the stories of the war and what his wife and daughter did in those years. Its also a farm simulator like game like harvest moon on GameCube, PS2,. xBOX and Sega Dreamcast where you play as the wife, then the daughter as you deal with the war and  keeping things good. Also you meety historical figures like Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin and George Washington and learn fun triva about them.

Monday, September 27, 2021

Cutie Honey Review

 Note: I spell cute

Cutie Honey

This is my rewview oin Cutey Honey from 2004 (The yewar before Transformners the Movie and the Mars base thing in Robotech)

its based on the series by my fave author Go Nagai (Or as my dad called him: gon-d guy)

its directed by Hideaki Anno who did evengelion, shin godzlla, nadia the secret of blue water, gunbuster, re cutey honey, and most of these were gay emo and mentally unbalanced (Like tennessee williams)

it stars a buncha japanese dudes i never heard of and was dubbed byt trhe 4kids cast (Who also did a lot of p0rn0 (Which probably made Go Nagai happy))

I saw this b4 but it was years ago

so it starts with Honey Kisaragi taking a bubble bath and even though we get close, therew's no onscreen nudity on here

So its like Jungle de Ikou or Eiken, but not as super busty

Imagine Honey with huge udders like Mii or Komoe?

So sshe gets a call from a guy and hears theres an attack and trys to transform but she's outta power and has nothing to wear

so shge goes out in undies and a shopping bag, runs through town, guys a lot of snax, eats em as she runs, throwes her shopping bag dress awaym, and transforms into a motorcycle chick and drives on one outta nowghere

meanwhile, a chopper comes over and hears the japan forces are trying to deal with this thing and lands

a business suit like natsuko comnes out, seeming more like Nerw Cutey Honey Natsuko than the girly mc girl girl from the classic Cutey Honey, and is bossy and b--chy

So Dr Ruzuki was caught hostage and she tells through a megaphone thety have thew bad guy surrounded and to surrender

Then we see the hostage thing and its Gold Claw with the Dr tied with a rope around him, who takes out her own megaphone to say she's one of the 4 great claws of Panther Claw like how in Sailor moon Season 1 2 4 and with the Garlic Jr arc of dbz they had 4 guys to beat

She snaps her fingerts and the cops behind her spin like Wonder Woman andreveal they are Panthers in disguise and surround Natsuko with gold guns

they fire at her a lot but turned out to cap eachother as Nat is saved by Honey, who then drags and throws her behind a cop car as the Panthers fire on them but all shots miss

Nat pulls her gun but Honey is gone like Batman and Has freed the Dr by faking being a Panther

the panthers chase and catch him, wait, his name is Utsugi?! Like Demon Long Dante?? And Natsuko megaphones em saying they saved the Dr

turns out itsHoney who does a Henshin thats not nude and looks like bad Power Rangers and she gives a rundown of her formes b4 saying she's Cutey Honey

Then we get the Anime Opening with the Cutey Honey theme which is widescreen and in color

Honey fights the Panthers and its kinda weierd anime style with Anime style movement and feels

they empty their guns at her but she blocks witrh a sword like dragon ball and they she figjts em like the v r troopers

honey fights gold claw and we get a good view of her pits and gold claw uses her head tentacle to swong and slam Honey around

but honey had snapped off her hand blades so she fires missiles from her right arm, which do ind of a Robotech thing as Honey stops em in a weird anime style fight

Goldman fires random shots that bust the area nd all miss honey

then after the smoke clears, the dr is gone andgolden sacksflies off on a  propereller head tentacle carrying the dr,

So Honey fires a totallly cartoony looking Honey Boomerang and circimsizes her head as she falls to the sea and Honey saves the Dr

but Natsuki arrests honey for no reason and Seiji Hayami, a Journalist, comes in and she arrests him too.

Honey snaps her cuffs like Android 16 in DBZ and uses Honey flash to escape wuith Seiji.

Later Honey is at work in an office and is sunny and cheerful and the coworkers whione about it

Honey eats a lot cuz I Guess she wants to be a fat chick like those Diert thing adds with chubby honey, and her coworjer makes her bring tea to the office guys like a slave

but coworker b--ches at her for not giving out the drinks in order of tiers they are

Hope some hermaphrodite b0nes her dead

later Natsuko gives her report that the place Gold Claw f'd up was done by a group the gov knows nothing of, and her bossed dump on her for it

there was a precious metals smuggling ring then a teen girl kidnapping thing

so natsuko goes to the firing rangfe despite japan being pretty gun phobic, and gets a perfect score

so after a day at the office evveryone leaves but honey as she's working on cr-p

janitor gives honey a home made rice ball and she loves it

da next day Honey is in her undies and [playing with a cat and calls dr Uzuki who's machine sez he was caught by Panther claw

Natsuo gets a call telling of the dr getting kidnapped again (Which I guess means its Utsugi and the duubbers can't talk Nippon cuz they are Okama Gaijin froim Jigoku) and Honey is on her flip phone looking up Natsuko

at work Honey is late and really faking bewing a cop to find Natsuko

wait, i think she was faking being Natsuko but with rred hair as  Japanese are known to be more than just dark haired

Natsuko's minion trus to ask her something but Honey esacapes as Real Natsuko comes in and he's confused

Honey asks other guys but they treat her like the cr-p Natsuko is and she turns back to her 70s looking outfit

Seiji is there, leaning on the wall looking cool and he gives her his card and sez shes fits the name cutey honey

She nearly uses her Henshin but he sez she don't gotta use the AI system and he's here to help her

then they are going through a tunnel on segways like nerds and he sez Panrther Claw is enhanced by Nanomacbines

its the same stuff her dad Dr Kisarahi was working on and he was iced for not sharing it, and her uncle is the next target

Utsugi is her uncle?! That's not canon!

So Seiji wants to get the rights to an exclusiive interview with her in exchange for more info and Natsuko comes in on a  bike

he sez he'dd share his info with her and calls het Natty (Like natty bumpo?) and Honey loves it!

Seiji tells em (with an animated scene) they are fighting the evil group Panmther Claw who fused their bodies wuitrh weapons and are lead by Sister Jill

Then we get a song about jill song by some lady gaga prototype sounding like mandy moore as jill rises looking like a man or hermaphrodite

jills butler welcomes her back from being with Panther Zora and sez they'll be unstoppable now

So natty wants to go alone and the other 2 wanna come and seiji takes honey in his 60s car and they drive off

back in PCHQ the 4 emperors ate there, eachj with their own light color, Pink, Orange, Blue and Purple (No green?) and Cbalt Claw sez they celebrate her 2222 awakening

Black Claw, Cobalt Claw, Gold Claw and Scarlet Claw introduce themselves and say they rebuilt her army 10 000 strong

and they have a bunch of teen girls for her to feed on, which if you saw Cutey Honey 90s, You'd klnow what she does to girls!!

Also they made new weapons for her made ouutta Gold, which is actually a bad idea as gold is soft, Also, What is this the Gold Digger fronm New Cutey Honey OVA 8?!

Also they got her a new home: The Jill Tower! (Like Trump Tower? Well, This WAS dubbed in Soviet New York!)

Jill don't like Za Warudo for being boring and how nothing changed, but butlet sez 1 thing did

Meanwhile, Honey wants revenge on PC and Seiiji trus to talk her outta it, which kinda goes against the spiruit of the Original Cutey Honey, What is this? The last of us 2? Nobody normal lied that!!

also PC wants Honey's body to to deviant things to, I mean, use her AI system or w/e

So Honey sez someones following em and Seiji knows, but it turens out its Natsuko's goons

Honey gettas out anbd they follow her but they find a guitar girl rocking out by the road and move on

Honey realizes she's late and walks on in a skimpy top and jears and Natty follows

Honey changes to her work outfit in an alley like a h00ker and natty seez and figures it out

Jill hears Honeey can match the power of Panther claw and wants her

seiji looks it up and finds Dr Kisarag's daughter bit it in a car accident like in Astro Boy

But the guy in a dungeon office he's talking to on da phone sez she's the key to the Ai System

Also sseiji has a breifcase of capsules tthat are colored

then Honey gets to Work wiuth grocery bags and natty fopllows

the guys ride her thicc a55 over being late and Panthers with Cobalt Claw see natty and wanna take her out

the coworkers arte b--chy about honey and Natty merts honey to talkin da hall, an office guy might be mo lestiung a girl, wait, she's  just being b--chy and nastty hates weak women

turns out he cheeted on her and she's acting all b--chy at him, which would explain why he cheeted

she getsd caught by panthers and natty and honey go to the little girls room where natty pins her to the wall and... interrogates her

turns out Honey isn't in any gov data bases (Why would she be?! does da gov have a fiule on all its citizens?! Whgat is this? The ussr? or england??)

she asks her a buncha quesatiions, puills a gun on her (Which would get her evidence thrown out in a REAL court) and sez "answers or prison"

is japan's legal system really this bad?

This is turning into Starship Troopers!

She gets a phonecall from seiji who's a reporter and can get any info he wants somehow, and sez the enemy is after her

then on da ceiiling like the exorcist, this chick (I think the b--chy one who dumped her bf)

Honey runs draggons Natty as the intentionally cr-ppyliciuos animated chick wallks on the ceiling

This makes freekin Seaghost look like Avatar!!

they get to the elevator and natty b--ches about honey getting in her way and the skin of the b--chy chick falls and on the ceiling is Cobalt Claw (Who somehow either was already in there the whole timne, or got in w/o being noticed)

She wraps em up in her head tentacles and is stringing up natty for not knowing anything

honey strains and hits her neck thing and does honey flash and turns to cutey honey and is gonna avenge her dad

trhey fight and Cobalt is stretchy and gooey and unzipts her pockets and extra arms come out (Yeah, that makes sense) and she pins Honey to da wall

Da arems return inside her as its easier to film and Cobalt bites her

Honey asks if this is how they iced her dad and Cobalt sez she don't recall what she did a year ago

Honey gets an anger boost and bends her arms back but Cobalt is made of latex or w/e and it don't harm her

Honey them raises her bodyheat and cooks her as Seiji tells Natty to get Honey to transform to save her life

Natty tells her to turn back but honey wants revenge and natty sez Cobalt deserves a trial (which is weird as she arrests people w/o charges but thinks trials are needed)

Honey screams and pops her like a balloon (Not Jumbo Panther) and butler tells Jill that the anger and hate in Honey's heart as too much for Cobalt Claw

Jill don't care as Cobalt was a loser and Butler sez Dr Kisargi was able to break down and rebuild matter with nanotech

Jill wants to use it to be youing and less devolved ort mannish (and if you read the manga, you'd know what Jill should look like; a thicc sm chick!)

So in the elevator honey is f'd out and seiji taps her neck thing and she turns back to her undies forme and says cyborgh tech is limited by its human host, but that's her only weakness, and leaves

natty is gonna cuff hobey but leaves her and later honey wakes up in bed cared for by natty in her place (which is syper organized and kinda autistic)

honey thinks its cool and recaps (in animation)how she bit it and Dr K revived her with his science magic

The Ai system (Im,aginarty Induction System) is controlled by her neck thing and natty is surprized shes artificial and feels her face

Honey sez she don't recall anything b4 the accident but recalls (In anime) her dad holding her hand, but she can make new memories(Like with Yugioh?)

Seiji is outside and sees natty is the 1st honey trusts with her identity

Honey sez sorry for getting her involved and how she don't like being full of hate

natty sez love can hurt more like its Batman Returns (A kiss can be deadlier if you mean it)

So jill is devolving into a plant thing and drains the life from girls captured and her hand turns back, and needs the I system

da next day natty wakes up and her dead flowers are big and alive cuz of Honey (A metaphor for her life)

natty is b--chy and it bums hooney out

Honey sez the I sistem can incrtease life but can't make new life where none is (So does she have a womb? can she get preggers? Can we get super pregnant Honey??)

Honey likes helping living things grow and natty thinks gardening is not worth the work (Country redneck honey! with daisy dukes, bare feet, a flannel shirt tied around like a bikini top, a cowboy hat, and a confederate flag trramp stamp!)

natty sez as honeys better she can go and honey walks around town dressed in her virgin white 70s outfit to the 70s Cuteyu Honey song but more modern and feeling bummed, and wearing different outfits like some kinda music video from the 90s

she goers to work dressed like a moustache man and thinks how if she stays there, the other workers who treat her like cr-p will be in danger

janitor recognises her and she can't takke it and runs

meanwhile, seiji's contact sez he put pressure on japans foreign ministry and things are going to plan asnd for seiji to hirry up asnd solve the case

seiji fixes a bike and natty is transfdered to the human trafficing case as the japanese police force looked bad cuz of her (I notice the director is big on makking japasan look bad, But I only saw shin godzilla and felt it made me hlose respect for Japan) annd her superiors felt they expected too much from a rookie

she puts herhigh heel shoe on the table and they say sghe'll be diuiciplined and haver her surrender her firearm

honey swings at a playground while crossdressing and wonders how to find the bad guys and decides to get help

Then Seiji meets Natty and he researched  her and knows all her fave things

she don';t care and he trys being more romantic but then Honey comes in saying when she called Seiji he sed to come over

natty is kinda b--chy and don't like honey and honey talks to seiji which makes natty b--ch out

Why did you devolve her anno? Natsuko is aninnocent schoolgirl, not some disgruntled c-ck sucker!

Then again, this guy made asuke from evangelion

So honey pounds a few brewskis and natty worries it might f honey up

Honey gets emotional and natty ssez she hates cryers so honey trys to make her smile with her hands, on her face

honey then goes into seiji's hidden room and finds all these photoes of her al;l over which he probably j-rks off to a lot

Also are a few of natty and natty and honey and seiji get hammered and do kareoke

you can tell the dubbers had fun with this

So butler sez Honey has a heart like Humaans and is connected to Dr Utsugi and wanmts to get Honey to come to them

laTER Natty wakes up hung over and is disgruntled she woke uyp in a guy she just mets hotel and honey jokes that nattys a sl-t

honey predicts what natty will say anbd sez it as she sez it and sez they synchro

natty leaves and seiji sez she puts up a wall to keep those from caring for her and its bugging her she cares

seiji gers a viudeo phone call from butler to invite them to the jill towwer and to dress up fancy for it

and under the door are envolopes and the realize jill wants natty to come

natty is out getting a gun from an uindergound ally as japan is gun phobic and its hard to get a real one and her homies found info on seiji

she sez it makes sense and she goes off

seiji sez he has errends and goes off as honey puts on an asian dress and meets narry but is revealed she didn't use her honey powers to change into the dress(which is like playing a game without going to options and giving you the full number of lives allowed! You have the power! Why not use it?!) as she wants to do it herself

natty fixes her hair and i guess honey is kind of a bimbo here and Honey is gonna fix nattys glasses but finds she dont need em

honey can use her powers as its not for her but a friend and fixes em

natty wants to save dr utsugi herself and honey goes to the jill tower

at the PCHQ Jill is tyired of gold Claws f--k ups and drops her down a hole to h-ll or w/e as she begs for another chance. What is this? Sailor Moon?

Honey is near das tower and it spins and spazzes out and a huge a55 spiral grows outta under it and reaches to the sky

Drill Claw! Is this you?!

then butler calls her and shows her uncle is a  huge guy standing by the building honey is on

Butler sez they scanned his mind for info on the I system and got rid of his memories

honey trys to get to him like Pan in GT with Goku and he holds out a watch that was Honey's dads

he remembers as, like robvocop, man is more than physical and tissue, but there's a spark of the divine in him that casn't be erased

the Utsugi giant is a hologram andf spirals up the top of the tower like bad GameCube CGI and butler sez to come get him, if she can!

Honey Henshins and she's nude for a bit but not showing buttcrack or nips and runs over and faces Scarlet Claw who dires a  mouth blast that blows a bunch buildings and probably kills hundreds of people

Scarlet Nova Dragon sez if Honey dodges, then her blast will take out the buildings behind her and fires abnnother blast, which Honewy base ball bats with her sword in crazuy sketchy anime style and nukes her in her own attack

She's not dead and runs off and Seiji sees this pink tree thing that he sez is jills true forme

and take sout a capsule and sez it goes aginst his clients wishes but he must do it

so Scarlet is all f'd up and meets Black Claw who she asks for help

he cuts her down as i guess good guys can't kill bad guys anymore, even though honey iced Cobalt claw and all those Panthers, kinda like in Violence Jack OAV 1 how Mari didn't want Kenichi to kill anyone, but he already iced 2 guys in from of her

Honey comes up and Blicketee Black Claw sings a cool song in his Dan Green voice about how mondo cool he is

I just realized his face is like that Star Trek guy who was White on 1 side and black on the other

the panthers behind him play thatmozart song and black clouds summon around the area and honey fights Black Claw

Natty is walking up this tower of babel and Seiji calls saying how the chicks captured were being used by Jill as a battery (Totally not ripping off ther matrix or anything) and he freed em with an Antio Nano device

So Honey fights black clay or Blacvky fropm UFO RO Grendizer to 70s Honey music and he''s impressed by her power

He nails her across the city, she slams into a building leaving a huge impact in her body shape like Shutendoji OVA 1, and falls juicy buns 1st onto a car with Go Nagai in it

Blacky C uses Black Tornado (Not Rust Tornadio from Mazinkaizer) and spins like a beyblade to turn the dark clouds into a  twister that chases Honey with cheap effects and sucks her up

Natty has Butler at Gunpoint and tells them to release the Dr annd butler sez he wiill if she does sh-t for him

Seiji tells her not to trust him but she surrenders to them and they throw her gun and take out the clip off the tower

Seiji catches the gun and Honey is blown back to the tower as Black Claw is beyblsading ast her with the clouds returning

he knocks her sword away and Honey's outta juice but as Boston Blackie goeres in for the kill, she catches his blade annd his body spins

she throws him and collapses as he gets up and gives a speech about being zee ubermench and geton on top of her, but is only strangling her

she fires a Honey Boomerand through him, kinda like the Female Violence Jack busting through Kapaeru as he's b0ning her, and he butes it

Honey struggleres to her feet as the clouds go away and walks to Sister Jills room.

If she's low on health, Why not jump off the building and resummon at the last checkpoint with full life?

Honey wants her uncle back but butler shows hes ok as natty took jhis place, and nails her with a ki attack

he sez honey can survive his attacks but natty can't and she shhould surrender the I system

natty sez to run and honey sez no and butler think this could be love

jill sez shes the bearer of everlasting life and beauty and wants her I System as its  perfect, and Like jill, Honey is immortal (Which explains New Cutey Honey and Cutey Honey 90s) but she chooses to live as a human

Jill sez honey dont appreciate her power so jill wants it as it fits her better as jill is the future of minkind

then wants Honey to go in her womb (ew! (Wait, wants the opposite happen in the Cutey Honey 90s Manga??)) and uses ki to lift honey to her like Freeza in DBZ

Jill wants feelings again and wants to fuuse with her like with Devilman

Honey consents if jill lets natty go, which she does

honey sez to spare her friendsand honey gets wooden as natty calls out to her

then seiji is there and serz to use the I sdystem as Jill isn't as strong as her and she has her dads love

butler sez honey is becoming part of jill and thus; the Tree of Life (Like, the one from the Bible with the Immortality fruit? Which was kinda referenced in Journey to the West wiuth Son Wukong eating the l;ife extending fruit?)

butlers j-zzing his pants at honey fusing with sister jill like a beta male feels seeing a womanm do anything he sees as "empowering" and Natty gets her hun fron Seiji with 1 bullet

She takes off her glasses and sez to honey they'll fight together and to turn to her

honey does and natty shoots her neck thing and hhoney uses her power and we sees her holding her dads hand wioth his watch

shes in her dads love annd jill sez she rejected love as its the source of human weakness (What are you? Souuther from Hokuto No Ken??) and laments of honey rejecting her

Honey has memories of her as a girl and jil sees love in honeys heart

jill sees she cant have this feelking irregardless of her wisdom, but homey sez there's love in her

da f--k?! Honeyu helping sister jill find love?! Thats like ddragon ball evolution level changes to the characters! What next? Fortress Maximus being best friends to Mega Zarak?!

Sister Jill is her nemesis! Honey killing her is a great goal in the 70s series! Why not just have Goku getting Freeza Launch as a Gf?!

Even in the 00s they were candying the a55es of classic shows! Honey has a body count! She wastes dozens to hundreds of bad guys! On purpose! Why not just have the Power Rangers try to help the monsters and they bite it by mistake

They did this to Sailor Moon too! In the manga the Sailor Scouts killed the bad guys themselves! Not just monssters of the say, but humasny ones like Tigers Eye and Fish Eye! But the anime toned it down!

Imagine if they made Violence Jack and he didn't knife anyone and the bad guys were hannah barbera dinks instead of cold killers?

This is some disney bull cr-p where they changed everything and toned it down to appeal to a mass market

You know in the REAL l;ittle mermaid she has to wack the prince or she devolves to seafoam, but don't, and dies, and he gets a better girl, butr she gets a soul from her sacrifice and goes to heaven

Not in the disney version!

There we get the Snow White ending, again, for like the 30th time!

And in Pinnochio he gets lynched in 1 part!

The guy who gave us the dark, f''d up, teen j-rkin off on coma girl evangelion, disneyed Cutey Honey

Plus he f'd up Godzilla

I never saw em, but, the live action kekko kamen were probably closer to canon than this!

or the f'd up, p0rn0 star castiung Oira Sukeban movie!

So sister jill turns into glitter, then a tree, then as flower, then a differemt flower, them vanishes., then honey sez bye to dad and she loved him.

natty runs to honey abnd creys cuz shes happy honeys opk even though she hates crying women, and its all to anti subtle piano to try to make us feel

butler holds the seed of jill and sez she saw an eternity of boredom and pain, and saw mans evil, and as honey is immortal, she'll know the pain jill had too

honey sez shes differenmt as she has love for her friends and the world

butler sez he's gonna serve jill for the rest of his life and I just realised Jill being returned to a seed is like Sailor Moon how Hotaru got Deaged after beating the bad guy.

butler crys on the seed and it rains inside and the tower fluies up, the drill thing below it blows, and the tower lands clean where it left

Seiji is going but  natty wants to know his deal as he had an anti nano device she knows was made for honey and tells honey not to trust him

honey knows seiji is an american agent and trusts him

nattty sez thanks to her goons for helping her, who are named goki and todoroki, and thanks honey

honey and seiji say natty is cute when smiling and seiji wants to be an investagator with honey, despite having a US job

they invite natty and seiji introduces himself with Goku and Todoroki and they tell honey to come along

then the credits of the actors having fun and its in full screen so wee know the director filmed it RIGHT and cropped it to f it up

oh and a good 00s japamnese song

mann a lot of japanese compasnies were part of this

The end

Well, that was something

it had life, color, fun, some heart, some good themes, some meaning, and a good dub

a bit cheesy and silly but then again, Go Nagai did Kekko Kamen and Empi chan

its a fun time and, just like dragon ball evolution, made some changes that are pretty non canon, but it dont ruin the film

its pretty much a live action anime, even with actuasl anime in it

its bnright and sunny just like the title character and summed up 25 eps of 70s anime in a 94 min film

sorta like the tim Burton Batman; it isn't just an origin story, but unravels the mystery as it goes on as the main character is already their finished hero self

Its quite fast paced and they cram a lot into its hour and a half

Its pretty nuts and sorta random, but the 70s show was like that too

Glad I saw it. Its pretty good and nowadays, all the flip phones would make this seem dated like 80s brick cellphones

For Cutey honey 2 i want them to be investigating a cult that ritual sacrifices girl to their daemon goddess and eats their wombs in blood rituals, turns out; its the followers of the daemon goddess panther zora and they are trying to summon her to end the world. so honey has to fight them and their devolved into sexy monsters formes created by being posessed by Zora's ki. Its also a 16 bit platform game like Castlevalnia on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Arati Jaguar and GBA where you play as Honey and fight the cult members with them reviving Zora as a final boss and its a boss that takes up the whole level and you gotta take out its life jewels to beat her.

Thursday, September 23, 2021

Duel At Diablo Review

note; i spell like its timer to duerl

duekl at diabo

this is my review on Duel At Diablo from the distant future year of 1966

its got james gardner, sidney poitier, Bibi Andersson from the 7th seal, Ralph Nelson who directed embryo, John Hoyt from My Favorite Brunette /Julius Caesar / X: The Man with the X-ray Eyes / Desperately Seeking Susan and Flesh Gordon, William Redfield from Death Wish 1 and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, john crawford from The Greatest Story Ever Told/ Jason and the Argonauts / Exodus/ The Red Badge of Courage / Cyrano de Bergerac, and some WW1 guys I never heard of

Its directed by Ralph Nelson who did Tick, Tick, Tick, anf Embryo

I never saw this b4 but keep seeing it on the TV Listings so imma do it now

so after a coool oipewning of a nife cutting a logo, a guy is hanging from his feet on a wood thing and a cowboy is hiding and binoccularing

some indians ride by and he j fk's em, takes a horse, rides between 2 horses at the same time aND 1 horse gets it

he escapes on 1 and saves this blonde, gives her water and tthey find shes from where he's going

theres just apacche for the next 60 miles and she thinks they wont ice her

he rides off as the indian fires at him and we get credits


f u caps locvk

so they get to this violence jack wasteland village and the people are not glad to see blonde and care more for her dead horse

cowqboy is james gardner and he gets his horse cared for and meets his homie in the army

the guy who knows blonde, i think her buttbuddy, is bummed at her coming back w/o the horse and when she crys he dont care at 1sdt but comforts her

i assume she whines a lot and he's used to it

they smooch a bug and he sez he waited for herr fort a yeat

when she trys to tell what happened, he dont wanna hear and she sez she had to live with the apache

he cares about what people think as he has to work with em and she sez she was better with the apache

so at the army place his army chum goes and gives word the the army head that james is back

at da salloon james has liuquor and army head goes in

a sales guy wants to go with the army for protection but is denied

james tells army head the apache are going on the attack cuz they live in a cr-ppy reserve and army guy sez it dont excuse their murders

well, 2 wrongs dont make a right

james opens a sack and a scalp comes out and sidney asks how much for it

james trys to kioll him and army head beats him iout as the xscalp was once his woman

later army head sz he got the scalp from a guy and james wants revenge but army guy sez revenge isnt civilized

jamies dont care and army guy sez he';s getting marreid and is gonna be a general when he goes to his next place

well, thats the end of him!

so james goes out and its night and faces sidney crosby who's disgruntled that james wanted to kill him

james is over his murder rage and sid sez sorry

if this were today it would be a dead baby and sid would want its stem cells to sell to science sickos

so blonde is caughty by guys for wanting to steal a horse and trhey wanna b0ne her

so james beats on em like he's violecne jack

1 guys gonna piutchfork james but sid pulls a gun on him

the fight breaks a fence bvar and horses get out 1 guy sez he wasn't gonna harm her and james sez dont tell her husband

sid sez he likes changing da odds and chick, who's hiding sezx he saved her honor but theres none left

then whines about being seen as sub human for being with the apache

james reveals he had an indian wife and feels for her and his woman got iced

we're only 40 mins in? with adds too!

she reveals she was nearly killed by soldiers who spared her for having blonde hair

and most think its better to bite it than be an apache's butt slave

james gets her to her husband and she sez even if they mover, her man would know she was an apache slave

sid talks to an army guy about how he wants his money of catching and breaking in 40 fhorses and he wants to make a salloon

this army guy sez to army head(and is above army head) they are moving him out tomorrow but army head sez he needs more time

and sid will only be paid for the 20 horses he did already and if he does more on the trip[, he'd get paid for those

sid sold his clothes and got a p-mp suit and sent his employees home and is disgruntled at being jood like this

so da army with new cadets hardly trained are gonna go out and sid is in a t shirt f--king with a horse

james tells husband not to leave his wife on this trip and he sez she jacked 2 horses and ran off and he dont care for her

she muct've p-ssed him off to make him so b--chy

did they have t shirts in the 1800s?

so the new army goes out and blonde is caught by apache who hate her for getting one of them iced

the apache head sez he don't wanna live like an america but would rather die an apache

the apache treast her sh-ttily and she seez her half white kid who she's happy to see

apache head sez he's gonna berry her alive in his sons grave

apacher head goers on a trip with the baby and james sees em

sid is bumming another horse and james comes by with an extra horse

he saez about the stats of ther apache and head army sez he might attack but they only got 29 guys

husband just wants to get his merch to store and head army guy sends a rider to get reinforcements

james hardger sez if they fight the apache, then they could save the wife but he dont care

japmes looks with binoculars at the bloinde being treasted sh-ttily by apache and japmes rides in, frees their horses and saves blonde whos got a baby

meanwhile, army head sends sidney AHEAD AS A SCOUTAND UNDER A LOG IS SOMEONE HIDING


f u caps lock

so apache headf gives the signal and hidden guys open fire on em as they get in

the horses scatter and soldiuers frerakout and the 2nd wave of apache attack

the Americans fight on and sid fires a few shots to help army head

then the 3rd wave of apache comes in and the Americas try to escape

husband'sd horse gets capped and they cut it loose and go on

they get to the wastelands and fighty back and drive em off

1 apache torches a fallen wagon so the Americans can't use it

so army head's legs snapped and the Americans lost 16 guys, a cook wagon, the water and a buincha injuries

army head sez they will have to use the canteen water and drink theier own sweat

imagine if this were made today and they drank their p-ss or j-zz

but they are gonna wait til reinfoecements arrive

james and blonde see the guy going for reinfoercements and he's got his hands cooked off and is hopefully dread

james gets to the opening and holds his baby up as apache hewad wont rick his grandson getting blown apart

the apache chief fires himself and the baby blows apart in a spray like a pom,egranatre aspoldong

jk really james and friends escaspe to the American men there and sid gets along with the fillipoinio baby

james tells armyt head the apaches tortured the guy and know abouyt the rueinforcements he was gonna get and al the ammop in their wagons

so they are gonna go to diablo canyon for water, but there's no way out

husband gets b--chy about his womaN HAVING A bast-reed kid andf is gonna duel sidney

but james fires his shot gun and stops it

army head sez hes gonna send a wagon trup to fake em out and fake going to the village b4 heading to the canyon

So its night and husband helps blonde with her bast-rd kid

the wagons go on and jaMES AND sidney stay behind and as the weagons gon on and asround, they turn back

despite the sun coming up with the weagons, its darker where james and sid are anmsd sid sez "its almost dawn" despite the j\et black sky

so jaames and the scouts take out the apache guiards al capone style and the wagons are attacked by da apahe

the Americans fight the apache and husband shotguns a few

the apache jackk his wagon and run and army head has snapped and rides around swingimng his sword unryiol sid calms him

james got away to the place he was headed and fought a few apache

army guy above army head sez he never fought indians and  asks sid what to do andthe troop has 11 guys left

james goes out and his canteen is out and he rides on

so the Amrricans are gonna blow the ammo but a guy is j fk'd by an arrow

the appache head wonnt risk blowiing tghew ammo so he uses link arrows

so james is in the a55 heat of the desert abnd is spazzing out

then the horse bites it and he pulls out a gun but dont do it

The blonxe treats the army head and husbnand hats with her about how he regrets how a555 holish he was

and how if he had a kid with her, they could have been happy

hhe gives her a guin with 2 shots in case the apach  gets em

2 apache follow james and he j fk's em and he gets heir horses and water

the apache in the canyon are planning sometjhing and sid gets a judgement arrow through the arm

da apache are using a wagon as a shield and pushing it with  horses but they fire on it and ice a few

tthey use a gunpowder traP and blow a thing

so in town the guy accused of icing james  woman asks if james is in town

husbnand has dissappeared from the canyon and james has wenmt to see the guy who iced his woman

james asks accused killer (who was wuith a chick but now she's gone) where he got the scalp

he sez he won it in a poker game and james sez she was his wife

accused sez its for tthe best and wont tell where he got it from

accusedf makes james take off his gunbelt and james sneak attacks him  and pins him wuith a blade to the neck and interrogates him for the name

accused sez it was husband and we cutr to huyasbasnd being tortured by indians

husband screams as they doo offsacreen things to him to freak em out

in the real version they were b0ning him

sid sez to prep the ammo wagon for blowing but the guy is iced offscreen by an apache

blonde goes out to fiunish husband but army guy stumbles around and takes as hit fkr her

blonde fires 1 shot into the sniper and army head finishes him

sid sez army head did well by holding off a bigger force and protecting the ammoand army head bites it

So its day and sid and bloonde with italiano baby go out to deliver her kid to the apache as her kid wont accept him

she leaves him upin an area like moses or kal el and they return as the apache sneak up

they look f;ds but,, like birth of a nation, reinforcements arrive and save the blonde and stop the baddz

all thats left is the head apacher and a few of his guys and tyhey surrende\r

execute him for his crimes!!

james stops blonde from going to husband and sez he's gonna find him

james finds a cooked husnband begging to be iced

james gives him a gun and husband blows his head off

apcahe head puts his hands on the id to infect him with his evil ki like in star trek 02 with spock devolving mccoy and the army goes back to civilisation

the end

that was pretty good

kinda dark but with a birhgt look

good use of dealing with racial issues and not fitting in of those who go against the protoculture

good drama music and the blonde was pretty good at her acting

european actors are usually better

although there was tommy wiseau, but he;s good in his own way

this one was well made and worked out pretty good

for Duel At Diablo 2 I want it to be years later and the james and blonde are married and her kid is really demented and violent and is eating animals alive and taking bites outta people. they meet a dr who says the kid has an infection of evil ki from when his grand father put his hands on him and it needs to be destroyed to free him from the curse. so they use an ancient talisman to go into his soul and fight off the evil ki in his pressure points. Its also an 8 bit beat em up on nes, gameboy, sega master system and game gear, atari 7800 and lynx and tg16 and youi play as james gardner and/or the blonde and fight through the demons in his soul.

Tuesday, September 21, 2021

The Affairs Of Cellini Review

 Note: I spelll, I TA LI AN O!!

The Affairs Of Cellini

This is my review on the affairs of cellini from the distant future year of 1934

its based on the italian stasllion Benito Mussolinni I mean Benvenuto Cellini who they made a Classics Illustrated comic book of

I never saw this b4 and don;t recall the comic but imma goive this a shot

its dirfected by Gregory La Cava who did The Gay defender, half a bride, his nibs,, paradise for two, feel my pulse, the age of consent, the half naked truth, private worlds, My Man Godfrey,  and one touch of venus

most of these sound like p0rm0es

its got Constance Bennett from Son of the gods, Fredric March from the 30s  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Frank Morgan from The Wizard Of Oz, Fay Wray from King Kong, Vince Barnett from Scarface, Louis Calhern from 20,000 Years in Sing Sing, Paul Harvey from The Ten Commandments, Jack Rutherford from Cult of the Cobra, and some 1900s and 1800s dudes I never heard of

So after fancy credits we get text saying its the 1500s (or 1700s, whichever one the 16th centrueyt is, i think 1`500s) in florence where theses a lot or coruption like soviet califortnia

but also is art and romance and the leader is alessanfdrop de mewdici, a relatyive of chronos de medici from yugioh gx, who rules as the evil regent like its gaye olde elglande

he's being read a list of people to be executed i think and hears 1 is a borja

he can't execute him as,m like england, they are above da law and he has a weiord food fetish thging like in interzone done

eggs under pits, salt on his feet thats licked off by goats, and ears removed

is this where the human centiupede guy got it?

maybe a serbian film

so then they gotta deal with venvinuto cellini killing people and 1 guy has it in for benny as bernny trumped him b4

then this blonde cchick with b00b jewlery comes in a black drsss and wants her gold service plaTES AS the dutchess of milan is comming and benny is making em and late

the regent dismisses the council and blonde sez he should have made benny work at blade point

trumped guy sez benny did worse than killing people (Which i guess means butt b0ning as they can't say it cxuz this is a 30s fikm)

the regent is called to say sorry to this emmisary (of chaos??) of venice and e o v comes in with a girl

she sez one night she was fantasizing of getting a bf and cellini came over the wall as he was running from some guys

he looked in her eyes and hypnotised her and read a sexy poemn from a gold and jewel book and she blacked out

but she don't wanna press charges and liked being b0ned by him

blonde wonders how thisa gross italiabno b0ned that chick as this was made before roon jeremy

but trumped guy sez thats bennys apprentice

I guess he works under him as a partner

the regent figgers they gotta strong him up but blonde wants to spare him until he finishes the gold plates

like the golden disk from beast wars?

then a guy comers in saying the regents nephew is in bed with 2 nose leaches to reduce swelling as he got beat up by a guy he badmouthed and was forcefed 2 live flies

and it was benny who did it!

the regent wants benny iced for laying hands on his kind and goes to his place in armor and sword

benny has made kind of a lair that can be entered from above and a guy comes in and tells him to lock da front door

wait, the guy making the plates is the assistent and this guy who came in is benny

he b---ches about how he force fed a  de midicii fl;ies and shanked a guy in da neck

the plates his slave made aare cr-ppy so benny throws em in the oven to melt

then goes to this chick in his bed and sez he's gonna b00ne her tomorrow

shes gonna go but, wait, if he's gonna make this thing hes gonna make for her

she made this lace and he just wants toi b0ne her and sez tiomorrow he's gonna be strung up

she don't consent and this hag comes in to bring her home and benny and hag bnicker

she wants money from him and they barter and  the regent comes by so he puts em in the back

he looks busy making gold sh-t and fakes being nice to em

regent b--ches at him for his atrack on nephew and he sucks up to regent

regent is gonna string him up but regent remembers benny owes him plates and a chalice

then the chick comes out saying "if ur gonna hang him, me and mom wanna leave" and benny sez shes the reason he beat up nephew and benny was gonna give her to him

regenbt falls for it and sends his goons out and flirts with chick

chick is onto him but benny twists her words to make regent look good

then mom wants chick but chick dont wanna but laRRY hag mom wants her to go

regent arranges to haVE chick brought over to be his butt slave and benny tries but can'tr stop it

benny b--ches bout it and trumped guy i think comes back with a handkercheif and benny sez he left it with a hot fat chick

trumped guy pulls a blade on him and benny sez if trumped guy wastes him, then the regent wiill execute him

so trumped guy brinmgs in so,me homies to bust up benny and books it

benny swordfights em and we get a decent swashbuckling foght

its like errol flunn or douglas fairbanks or something

good clean violence

benny goes after a guy with a hot poker and brands him but blopnde i think comes in meets benny

she comments on him killing people and going after chix and i guess the thugs are done so they went home

she sez dont hypnotize her, he sez he wouldnt then she's b--chy that sheisn't worth trying to b0ne

she drops an item for him to bring her and makes him do it and bosses him around to tell the truth cuz hjes the dutchess

she offers him to majke a duplicaTE key for her balcony in gold andfor him to bring it to her

and regent is gonna be in another place then

she books it and he makes the key

later regent is having dinner with chick and wants her to be his bimbo and she don't get he's into her

they eat peacock tongues and he has her call him bumpy in private and the guards there the regent had deafened as he's evil

blonde returns and finds regent didn't go to the other place as "he has gout"

regent hears blonde came by and he hides her on the balcony

she comes in thinking the romantic dinner is for her

wjhat is this guy? j fk?\

she's onto him but don;'t let on and sends him to bed

thebn benito comes by and goes across like Ryu from Ninja Gaiden and in the comes in da window to the blionde

he sez he iced a buncxha guards to get to her and she sdz regent is here

he covers his fear saying its honor and she goes on about chick cr-p

regent sneaks around and she wants the key but he walks to the fdoor at her like hes gonna butt hammer her

he slaps her and she blacks out but wakes up when regent knocks over a thing

regent is sneaking aROUND WITH CHICK AND HIDES HER OUTSIODE And f u caps lock

benny escappes and meets chick 

regent fakes sleepwalking and she goes to make a sleeping potion

benny and chick try to escape and regent trys to find chick but blonde finds him and he fake goes to bed

btw this is on proper fullscreen and is nice b/w

they look for their partners and later in benny hideawayu in the hills , he brings chick

he calls it paradice and she sez its a du,p

itrs fill of sheep but he sez they;'re princes turned by magic

she don;'t buy it and i guess he wanted her to b0ne the sheep

she regrets ditching da duke(regent ) and he goes on about making good art

she wants food and thety bvicker and she whines of trusting him and he sez he's gonna go back and get strung up as its better than being with her

so the regent puts up a reward for benny and benny goes to town in disguise like the scarlet pimperenell and finds his minion slave dude

he goes to the blondes place who's talking with her femal;e slaves about her captain of the guards being cool

she sends em away and talks with benny but is kinda b--chy about last night

its only been 1 day?!

but he got a buncha wanted posters and sh-t!

she wantsd his key and he sucks up to her and is about to go but goes back to tell "the truth"

he sez he had to gocuz soldiers came for him and wasted tyhe soldiers in an epic battle

she dont' care and dont mind him egtting iced and he offers her a chance to wack him with his own blade

he gets a plate as she wanted his head on a platter and leans opver it and reads emo necro goth poetry about biting it being sexy

ther captain of the guards comes by and she's fallen for him and wants him to read for her more

she has him bring her a jar of rose leafs and she sez its got the heart of a guy she liked

man that;'s kinda evil

what next? ritual sacrifiice?

so the guards find a guard who wasd shanked and look for benny and blonde sends him to the dukes area so they won't look for him

kinda like in robotech how lancer is a wanted man but fakes being a female singer

then trumped guy gets benny at gunpoint and brings him to the torture room

There's people preserved after being chopped up like Griffith in Berserk

regen comes down and is gonna string him up and the rope gets caught

blonde comes in and tells the guards tro leave and sez its cuz its a secret

trumped guy sez benny was gonna steal something from regent and regent trys to shut him up

she sez she wanted benny iced but the people will rebel if they keep hanging people

and with a celeb being iced its too much

regent falls for it and and lets bennito go but vows to hang him later

he wants to know where chick went and he tells him that chick wants him in this hill top zone

he ran off with hwer to save the regent from the blonde and regent believes him

regent wants benny to bring chick over or he'd string him up

later theres a gathering and the duke and dutchess of milan are there and benito is popular all over pre mussolini italy

benito and chick are there and she's p-ssed at him

she waves at regent and he sez its bennys model

i guess she's a bimbo and don't get the cover, but regfent don't get how blonde is into benny

she's p-ssed he brought the chick and he sez its cover to avoid supicion

she wants her got rid of and i guess its too soon to sacrifice her and benito tells regentg to get blonde to not  be mental over chick

he trys to get her not to suspect chick and he tells her cjick and benito are gonna be married

but he;'s not a virgin!!

blonde confronts benito about it and regent reveals chick is benitos gf and he cant explain himself

chick comes over and blonde sez its gonna be a wedding pheast for them and they have dinner

regent gives a lot of food to chick as i guess he likes fat chicks

1 cake is made like a chick in a dress and blkonde saws off its head and offers it to benito

regent offers necklaces to the ladies, but eats it as its candy

benito is uneasy about blonde and blonde implies she's gonna have him wacked

regent sexz these gypsy dancers are gonna do the dance of death and they come in and prance with danny elfman tim burton ahhhhhh sounds

blonde gets this guy who looks the Der Golem to get wine and poison it for benito

she sez benito wants to toast his bvride and he he goes on with it and chuggs it

he keels over and she regrets it saying she loves him and regent clears the area

regent b--ches at her andf she b--ches back and regentr sez he has a witness here

witness bites it and it turns out beninto is ok

i think it weas trumped guy who got it and chick calls regent bumpy and blonde figgures it out

he backs off as both have dirt on each other and blonde sez she's going off with benito to work on a new project

and i think its b0ning

the end

that was kindfa good

its only like 80 mins and has some good 30s wit and charm

its like starship troopers with a lot of dark themes under a sunny surface

the actors do a greart job and its a nice lite comedy

no onscreen lust or violence, but its implied in a way that kids won't get, but adults will

like Batman TAS or Animaniacs or Robotech

It starts a bit slow but picks up and gewts better quite a bit

Glad I saw this

Its pretty good

For The Affairs Of Cellini 2 I want the Duke to commision a gold golem with Celinni and a Rabbi and they make this battle Golen to go around enforcing the will of him over the people, but seeing the error of his ways, the Rabbi uses his magic to break the Golems bond to the Duke and its free will kicks in and it goes to end the duke's reign of evil. Its also an 8 bit Action game on Game Boy, Nes, Master System, Game Gear, Atarim Lynx and 7800 and TG16 where you play as The Golden Golen and fight the dukes forces with various gadgets built in the bodsy and in the end, the duke ritual sacrifices his women and devolves into a grotesque aboomination as thee boss

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

16 Blocks Review

 Note; I spell like i'm 16

16 blocks

this is my review on 16 blocks from 2006 (The year of transformers season 3 in america)

Its directed by Richard donner who did the GOOD Superman, The Gopponies, Scroged, and a bunch of Twilight Zone eps

Its gotr Brucve Willis, Mos Def, Cylk Cozart from Eraser and Slam Dunk Ernest, David Zayas from Gotham, Sasha Roiz from the day after tomorrow, Scott McCord from the cr-ppy a55 Bakugan show from the 00s, and a buncha guys i never heard of

I never saw this but its always giving on bounce so imma watch it finally

so after a bunxh of logos, we get bruce recording his will and how he tried to do well

then title and a police raid in a guys apartment with a dead mexico in there

this cop has to watych the cr-ppy apartmentr and takes one of the dead guys beers and reads the paper

imagine if he wasa b0ning the dead guy?

so cop bruce is worn out and looks kinda like walt disney and is assigned to do an escort mission to bring a wuitness to the grand jury

he wwas up all night and has toi bring 1 guy 16 blocks

Who am i? i',m spiuder man!

it will be called; beast wars!

i wanna take his face... off!

So the witness mos fdef has to getta suit thats not there and is kind of an urkle nerd

ne needs his book and is handcuffed and taken to the cop car and dtiven around

mos def starts j-rkin off in the car and blasats a lot of goo on the floor

jk really he's talking about some cr-p no one understands and cop bruce closes the window to the back

good f--k this c-ck sucker won''t shut his sh-t hole!

bruice takes him another way, parks, locks the car and goes for some booze

at da car a guy trus to ice mos def but brice gives him 1 threw the head

another sniper like in texas cmes at him and back door bruice gets in da car and gets off

they hit a dead end and ditch da car and run to An empty place

some guys come in and 1 omforts bruice AND 1 offers himbooze but he turns it down

then sez mos def is gonna treestify against a cop who comfort guy likes so he's here to end him

another guy was gonna drive but got traffic and they make mos def  shoot the wall to fake him going mental and they can iuce him

thats new york; corrupt and evil

but the unborn have it worse

so bruce caps a cop to save mos def and escapes with him

THE COPS KNOW BRUCE GOTTA BE IN COURT BY 10 ANd send another copto cover the cop being capped

man mos def sounds devolved

like a f'd up muppet or something

so bruce goes home and gets guns

mos def goes top the toilet and drops fries in it, eats one, and a cat bites jhis parts

jk thats  deuce bigelo 02

mos def asks why bruuce capped a cop to save him and this italiano cop comes in and bruce stops him at gunpiont

he sticks the gun in his a55, sez "time for a sippositoey" and his torso blows apart with him in 2 parts

j rwally he hand cuffs him to the wall and mos def escapers

bruce calls comfort guuy who bad guy and bad guy seez he losat mos def 

mos def goes to the train station and no pushy new yorkers will give him a ride on the train but a biug blaack cop helps him

bruice finds him and sez "if i found u, they'll find u" and mos def wants to run

they bicker and bad guys come for em and they run

the cops use a gps system to find em in chi na town and mos def has business plans to start a bakery

briuce sez mos def is a thief and wont change

bruce realizes they tracking him by itakliwanbnoes cell phone and drops it and runs

shoulds've dropped it in a traxy or on a dog and sent em on a wild gopose chase

they get to da rooof and eventually a gunman comes at em

bruce got hand damage and they escape through these buildings and in a place with White Sheets where e gunfights more guys

main bad guy comes back and they on opposite walls and he tries to get bruce toi gibe up the mos def

they talk about being friends and bruce has a grufge with him

bad guy wants to protect bad cops and sez mos def is a crook

also there'svgot on the other sideof the door where briuce is gonna escvape out

but bruce shoots em and escapes

they get to a geezer place and mos def trys top talk to him

bruce calls the lawyers and tells em that cops are after em and they got 7 blocks left

mos def keeps jabbering on anbd mentions yugioh and there's guys comming for bruce abd riends

but bruce game em the wrong room

bad guy gets bruce at gunpoint but mos def gets bad guy at ginpoint and might ice him

they leave him and take his gun and get on/take over a bus and the cops shoot the bus tirews

the bus plows into a fence and cars and the cops shoot out the other tires

bruce has the bus people stand up in front of the windows as they wont shoot em(but tel;ls mos def:not u!)

the commish tells bad guy he f--ked up and people think bruce took the bus hostage

bruce has em put newspaper on the bus windows and bad guy trys to make em thiunk bruce went nuts

a cop throws bruce a phone and bruice counts how many people tghey got in here

the cops get snipers like with j fk 1 and mos def talks with a little girland shows her his book of recapies

is he supposted to be mentally rert-rded?

is this like The Room how Tommy never told Denny's actor he;'s playing a ret-0rded guy and the actor did the part weird?

bruce tells the cops to get a court stenographer and news crew to take mos def's testamony

bruce throws the phone out and tells mos def the cops are gonna ice them in a few mins

bad guy tells a sniper that bruce and mos def shot 2 cops and he understands his code

bruce has mos def wear a suit and glasses as to these cops, all black guys look the same and lets the peiople out

bad cop grabs guy wearing mos defs outfit but seess its a different black guy who sez the guy had a suit

so bruce is the last guy on the bus and records his will on a tape recorder likehow this movie started

on the bus is a beer add as i guesds the beer company wanted tyheir product linked to cooked cops and dark drame

sop os def runs out with his hands up saying dont shoot and gets back on the bus

commish stops bad guy from capping him

mos def sez people change and i think something abotu chuck berry and bruce drive the bus as they throw a flash bang in it

hr plows through cars as thery fire on it and through an alley and gets stuck

da cops come up and use another flash bang and climb in the broiken windows and find its empty

mos def and bruce walk on and mos def is wounded

bruce gets a guys cell phone and calls someone and he takes him to AN ALLEY AS MOS DEF JABBERS ON ABOUT HOW HE NEEDED 31 000 $ TO open a bakery and some cr-p i dont undedrstand

an ambulance coimes and this chick who was butt buddies with backdoor bruce treats him

mos def sez to her to give bruticuz another chance but bruce sez its his sister

well, new york is quite prtogressive, she could be both

they got 20 misn to stitch up mos def and get him to the court house

they talk about birthdays and mois def dont know his own birthday as he was in foster care

and he';s got a sister in soviet seattle who he never met

bruce sez he's not a good guy and mos def sez he aint either

so da cops catch sister and make her open the door but bruce is in another ambulance

he's pretty clever

like batman or something

so bruce sez that the cops mos def was gonna testify againt included him and he'd be testified agianst too

he did something 6 yerars ago and didn't testify and now he'd gop down witrh the bad cops too

he sez for mos def to skip town and has an ambulance driver take him off

bruce goes to a dark area and meets bad guy and tells him he let mos def out

bruce sez he's gonna come clean and bad guy trys to talk him outta it and if he don't, he;'s gonna get it

bad copexplains he stuck a gun in a guys mouth and his heart f'd out he covered it uypo so they woubldn;'t lose the case

bruce gives bad guy ther gun and walks to an elkevator

bad guy tells italiano cop to ice bruce and the good cops stop bruce

a sniper isd gonna ice him but the D A comes out and he sez hes gonna tell the truth in the witness tampering thing

he names names and sniper sees italioano copbehind him

he wants the mos def's record expunged and pulls a taper recorder

sniper sfires and takes out italiano cvop and recorder plays bad cop saying he iced the guy

bruce goes to the jury and then its snowing and his sister gets a box

bruce gets a birthday cake and it has names of people who changed and that people can change in time

mos def sent a letter saying he's a good baker and is happy

its named aftert bruse and mos def's characters and we get a happy ending

the end

didn't expect a good ending

another good richard donner movie

its dark, heavy, gritty and well made

i liked it and it holds up well

goood acting and writiung andeven though mos def is pretty annoying, you still like how he got a good ending

its donners final film and its a good way to end a career

its got heart and a good message And I'm glad I finally saw it

I only knew of it having a Yugioh mention but its quite good

imagine if this was marketed as a sequel to 16 candles?

for 16 blocks 2 i want bruce willis and mos def to go on a camping trip in the slums and get attacked by a bunch of drugged up homies and gotta fight their way out. Its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis, snes, tg126, atari jaguar and gba where you platy as them and fight an urban sasquatch as a boss

Saturday, September 11, 2021

Phone Booth Review

 Note: i spell like we still had phone booths

phone booth

this is my review on phone booth from the diostant fuityure year of 20023 (A year after that mission to find tghe mnolith and a year aFTER RIKI-OH THE MOVIE)

ITS DIRECTAL BY JOELK SASCHUMACHER WHO DID THE GAY BAtman movies, The Lost Boys, Flat;liners, A Time To Kill, The 2004 Phantom of trhe Opooweera  and The Number 13

man, most of those were a55!!

wtf this was written by larry cohen who did bone, God told me to, Its Alive 1 2 and 3, The STUFF, A Return to Salem's Lot, Cellular and other good cr-p

it stars colinb farrel, fiefer sutherland, forrest whitajker, katie holmes, Radha Mitchell from Silrent Hill, Tia Texad from From Dusk Till Dawn and Batman Beyond, Richard T. Jones from Judging Amy and Event Horizon, Josh Pais from the 1st Ninja Turtles Movie, Ben Foster from X Men 03 and Warcraft and a bunxhga guys i never heard of

I saw this b4 and thought it was good

In high school there was a play by the drama class of it and I loved thew Tourettes guy in it parody

so after credits through clouds to space to show a sattelite made of 00s cg and going to soviet new york

everyones on phones and steve jobs hasnt earned his place in h-ll by blighting us with the iphone

a black guy narrator telss 00s trivia about phone stats in soviet new york and  how 2 million people still used payphones

in 1 phone booth thats gonna be taken out tommorrow and this is the story of the  last guy to use it

colon filthg i mean feral is making deals and fast talking while his overworked slave i mean tries to handkle his tasks

he truis working with a white rapper big q whos not as cool a vanilla ice and chats with da cops

then he gives a godssip of a producer's woman going into ehab and wamts help with something

so threy go by a place called marios (Sonics is better) and mnario is disgruntkled over not giving him enuff money

colonb sez he'ds give him business and mario is cool

so colon ditches his minion and goes to the slums in a phone booth

a pizza guy trus to deliver him pizza but colon dont want it and swears at him

pizza guy is disgruntled and goos oof and colon calls katioe homles (the son of john holmes?) andf talks about mel gibson wanting someone for his new filme and invites her over

shes busy and he hangs up but the phone rings and  a voice sez he shouldnt have turned down the pizza

he's watching colon and knows his name and addesss and colon thinks its an actor he tirned down

voice sez he's gonna ay hi to his wife and colon hangs up

so he stands for a few sewconds and spazzes out and eventually the phone rings and its da voice

man kiefer was in a bunch of shumacher cr-p

colon wants to help him get work to appease him and voice calls k8y and sez hes colons homie and letys colopn listen but not talk

vooice tells k8y colon uses a payphone as his wife chex his phone bills and he inviotes her over to b0ne her

a h00kere trys to get in da booth and ghets b-chy when he wont let her in

voice wants colon to call his wife and h--ker comes back and gets b--chy

voice wants colopn to tell his wife he trued to cheet on her  and colon calls her and wife sez she was called and told colon would call her

he wont admit t and the h--kers swarm the booth to b0ne in it and he tells em off

colon has enuff AAND Is gonna go but voice sez hes gonna wastye him with a sniper rifle if he does

colon dont beliebve ity but voice clicks his gun

colon sez if he fires the cops will come butvoice j fk's a toy robot by colon and no one cares

a big black guy comes by and colon gives him 10 $ so voice wont j fk hm

voice sez he iced a german xxx guy who was pedoo and a ceo who jood a buncha guys with stocks he sold b4 they fell

is this how saw happened?

the h--kers guy trys to gert  colon out and colon gibes him 120$ to gtfo

he wants more and gets b--cby and gets a basebnall bat and busts open trhe booth and attacks colon

voice sez if he hangs up its over and voice can stop h--ker guy and colon sez yes

voice j fk's h--ker guy and colon sez he meant yes to "i can hear u"

the h00kers b--ch out and voice sez this is colons fauilt for not respecting h---ker man

colon yells at voice and voice sez how he watches people but looked into em outta curiosity and saw their evil like the xxx star or ceoo

colon callls the cops and slips em info by telling them  his situation and voice niucks his ear as he bugged the booth and kndw everything and heard the cops on the end

the cops come and voice sez they wont fire as theres a toiuruist with a video cam

the cops (forrest whitaker from battlefield earth) tell him to hang up and he sez no

vice sez he was in nam and colon sez he can majke it into a good story

buit voice sez he's joking and is too young for it

forrest gump sez he wants to help and the h--kers sez colon has a gun

forrest gets too close and voice might icxe him but colon sez its his shrink on da ohoe

nathan bedfoord forrect reads him his rights and voice makes him ask if he was bad in bed and after his wife left if he j-rks off

voice asks if he can get big news guys to interview him and reveals he knows he aint as big as he thinks

richard t jones cop and forest copfigure they can wiretap the call but not listen in

colon sez the victims dont get famous and the killers do

voice could be the next gacy buyndy or dahmer

yeah kiefer! dont u wanna be the next gacy??

a bigger rank cop comes by and forrest t jones dont wanna hand over command

colons phone ringsd and voice sez its probably his woman

but if he gets the phone the ops will ice him

colon seez his woiman in the crowd and figgures its voice and he admits it

woman tells forrest ham her colon is not in therapuy and a man called her

forrest tells them they have his wife but he denies its her to protect her

forrest ranger sez colon asked for a lawyer but wife sez they dont have one

voice talks about how sexy womewn wanna be noticed and starts coming onto her

voice sez colon betrayed her by lusting after other women and that he's set up the line with cr-p to keep em from finding him

voice gets f'd out abotu colon not talking to him but its a fake

voice tells colon to admit his sin of lusting after another woman tto his wife anor he'd ice her

colon admits it and woman dont care and just wants him to come out

voice sez he's not letting colon go and colon spazzes out and hangs up

da phone rings and he goos oot and da cops want him to thrhow out his fun

forrest level sez to answer the phone and he does and voice sez he';s gonna forgive him

and he cant know the pain of betrayal until he's betrayed

colon sez he's gonna run and voice sez he can target practice on people

voice has him look up and theres a gun in there and as the bullet gragmented in the guy, they can't match it

voice reveals he's in this room with pink curtains and if he wants to, colon can try to ice him

colon sez if he tried the cops wiuld ice him and voicer sez he's not really there

katey shows up and voice makes him take down the gun or vhe'df ice her

then voice is gonna ice either of corlons women and colon has to choose

huh, colon feral is thew pengoin in the batman and was in the 00s daredevil movie

colon crouches and calls the cop and admits that theres a sniper and forrets green hears

he tells the cops what to do and goes to help the colon feral

and subtly lets him know he's aware that its not him whoos icing people

voice wants to j fk ilex forrest and colon tells him to gtfo

colon is told to bare his soul and confess his sins infront of everyone

colon whines aBOUT how theres worse people thasn him and voice makes him tell them

he admits to be a p o s and leads people on and ttreats people liek cr-p and lies and he's fake like his watch and he took good stuff forgranted and takes off his wedding ring to call katey and never told her he was married and he dont have confidence in his real sel;lf so he puts on an act

good acting by colin ferrel

wait, stu sheppard?

like bruce banner, matt murdock, peter parker, ect

the cops track the call to wife to a place near here and colon taunts the  voice that the cops are comming for him

coive sez if he;'s going down hes taking wife with him and colon grabs the gun and runs out saying "take me" and gets capped and falls to the cold ground below

the cops bust into the room and find a body with his throat sliced

colon was nailed with a rubber bullet and gets to live

i like how the cops are the good guys here

his wife makes out with him and we can see down her shirt as she bends over

they show the bvody and its the pizza guy

colon gets a sedative and in thew ambuilamcne he sees starts tripping and kiefer comes by as he's spazzing out

he sez sorry about the pizza guy but needed to cover his trascks

now colon is free and if he isn';t honest, kjeefer will return

and how if a phone rings its best to anweser it, but u never know ewhos on the other end

then we get a look throught the phone grid and a reverse of the opening where we saw the sattelite

then kiefer cals a guy and he answers

the end

that was quite good

its inspired by hitchcock and it works

its only like 80 mins and is done in rreal time and has good bible themes

For it is written: If anyman looks at a Woman with lust ion his heart, he has commited ad-ltry of the heart

and the bad guy isn't evil, but putting him through trials to improve him

Colin Ferral isnt evil, but making bad choices and needs a wake up slap before he goes too far

There's no real "bad" guy but flawed people

I liked it and its well done

Larry Cohen did well as usual and Jorl restored his rep aftyer Batman Forever

its sort of like Saw where a guy puts people through h-ll to improve their lives

but less torture and deboning

i liked it and it showed what good joel could do whn he tried

for phone booth 2 i want it to be about a media guy targeted on his show and kiefer makes him addmit he lied about the news to do stuff to get people he didn't like out and support those he liked to bring in a new black ewra thast he'd pull the strings on. also after he admits it, the people don't believe him and the media guy sends his goons after keifer and he's gotta jack baur his way outta em to face him. also its a 16 bit run n gun game like contra on sega genesis, snes, tg16 gnba and atari jaguar where you play as keefer and go around levels taking out the media guys goons and the bonus levels are flashbacks to getting him to admit his crimes and you gotta blkow off small parts of him when he resists.