Thursday, September 2, 2021

Lawman Review

 nOTE: sPELLING BAD IS FOR sTEVEn Segal, Wait, Wrong LawmaN!


tHIS Is my rview on Lawman from 1971 (The year my cool 90s aunt was born)

its dirtected by micxhael winner who did Death Wish 1 2 and 3

it stars Burt Lancaster, Robert Ryan from the 60s King of Kings, Lee J Cobb (Not Lee Harvey Oswald or Robert E Lee) from Robert E I mean On the Waterfront, RobdERT Duval, Sheree North from Seinfeld, J D Cannon frop  Cpool Hand Luke, Joseph Wiseman fromn Law and Order, Richar Jordon from Logans Run, John McGiver from Breajkfast at Tiffanies, Ralph Waite from The Waltons, John Beck from Audrey Rose and Star Trek 06, Walter Brooke from Yankee Doodle Dandy, Richard Bull from littlehouse on the prarie, John Hillerman froim asudrey rose, Hugh McDermott from First Men in the Moon, Wilford Brimley from The Thing and some 20s guys i never heard of

I never saw this b4 but hear its good

so it starts withrowdy cowboys shootimng up a town and starting fires b4 moving on with a guy having a f'd face

then credits over a cowboy riding across a wasteland and an extra horse with a bofdy on it til he gets to town

1 guy identifies the body as his bro in law and burt tells the sherrif he needsa men and givves a list

a guy named bronson and his droogs took 8000 cows and f;d a town and iced a dude

but sherrif sez the people like bronson cuz they think he helps em, like candya55 trudeau in soviet canada

but burt is going after em and 1 name on the list is the body on his horse as he called burt out

so burt goes around and signs into a hotel and we switch to a guy riding over to tell some mr burns looking guy that the body on the horse is a guy he knew

oh thats bronson and is told of burt wanting revenge

1 of bronson burns men who's on the list of people burt wants in h-ll wants to ice burt but bronson sez no

then its night and burt is playing his flute (not with skin) and a chick comes in who knew him years ago and her butt buddy is on hisd kill list

he just does work for bronson but didnt ice anyone

he sez if he turns himself in he'd get a triaL AND He has 24 hours to come

so bronson gets his goons together and fills em in and they laugh at it being 1 guy

Riki-oh and Kenshiro were 1 guys

1 guy sez he can't go or hisd farm would be f'd but wont go after burt as he didnt ice anyone

wait, i think burns isnt bronson

burns wants to talk it out ABNS SENDS a guy

wait, burens IS bronson, i got mixed up

at a bar, 1 guy sez if burt was a cheap guns-l the people would like him

but that term originbaLLYT MEANT SODOMITE and was misused as gunman after the 40s maltese falcon calls peter lorre that to get his gayness past the censor as they thought it means his gun

so bronson is at some graves and a guy named crow like the a55 from yugioh 5Ds come by

bronson tells how his fam was iced by commanches

i think that broson isnt burns, i got it wrong

lee j cobb is bronson

wait, thats burns and bronson

albert salami is the guy i thought was bronson

so then its dday and bronsons booty boys are shooting frying pans and a guy comes in saying to book it and crow to go somewhere

back in town burt is told by thehotel guy that he needs the room for a guy who likes it more and burt goes to church

he sez hes not a believer (so hes a deniar?) and wwantrs the priest to give him names of those he hunts

priest sends him to a legaL GUY and burt goes there but legal guy wantss permission

burt opens the drawer With Out Consent and reads the map, then returns it

this is like a gAijin being in Japan

Bronsons homie i thought was bronsion is in town and confronts burt with crow by him

they draw and buert wastes him and tells crow not to make him ice him

so the guy is brought back on a wagon and buronson sees it

The Townspeople dont like this gov guy coming over and attacking em and wants to do something about him

bronson feels bad for that guy i thought was bronson getting iced and wants revenge on bronson

although that guy who got it started the fight

its like when a druggie trys beating a man dead and the man caps him and the news makes the man look bad

1 of bronsons men suggests not to be vengeful and buy the town to buy justice

so then the town goes to burt at a restaurant to deall with him and he's just casually eating

he tells the people they are the bad guys for not wanting the law and if they try to stop him he might ice em

this reminds me of that devolved guy from no country for old men who wcks all those people

later sherrif plays cards with a guy at a salloon and burt comes in

crow calls him out but burt dont wanna and walks up to him and walks off but a gun goes off

burt nealy kills him thinking its a trap[ but it was just as guy in the saloon  and burt and sherrif go over

the guy shoots through the door and burt and sherrif go in and beat him outside

burt tells crow next time he sees him he'd ice him

the guy is on the list ands sherrif has a drink with burt and tells his cr-ppy past of running away (Which is probably why he's alive)

burt tells of how violence cycles out and drags other in to avenge others and he never drew 1st on a man ever

burt don't know if bronson sent that guy but sherrif sez he's not that kinda guy

the guy burt caught is in jail but wants out or bronson will get him but he lets him out, then sez he'd cap him if he runs and puts him bacl

cropw sez he didn't know ofv caught guy and wants to face burt but sherrif sez he'd have no chance

like tony curtis vs spartacus?

so chicks butt buddy is gonna run and chick sez not to

they bicker for a bit and comments on her b0ning a lot of guys

he sez sorry butshe knows its true and he sez he cant go in alomne and the others wont go in

he goes off and she sez burt said he'd not be harmed

later crow meets burt and he he didnt know of the caught guy and is p-ssed that burt iced that guy

burt sez the guy started it and he dont care as he made his bed

they kinda grow closer and chat about who would ice who

burt sez crow is a cowman andf hes a lawman who kills fore a living

the townsfolk wanna wasteburt but sherrif stands up for him

later 2 guys on te list see burt and try to j fk him even though they can escape

they miss and burts horse gets it an burt counter attacks to take out 1 guys horse

burt executesd his horse anf stealds horses from a farm with a mexicany girl on it

meanwhile, the bronson guys brand cowsx and a guy talks to crow about how crow dont wanna ice burt

burt goews up the hill and catches butt buddy at gunpoint and takes his guns like hes australia

he arrests him and butt buddy sez he did nothing wrong and cant afford to be off from hids farm

burt thinks butt buddy is goinmg for a gun and caps him

bronson prays in church and later meets with guys to get ready to ytake on burt

butt buddy isnt dead and he brings him back as bronson has a servicew for burts victims

burt taKES HIM to chick who they get the bullet outta him and burt chains to a fence

chick sez how their farm is a55 and shes living in sin with him

at dinner burt tells chicxk of his droogs who got iced or f'd

wait, its not her butt buddy there.and wants a gun to sneak ice burt

she gets him 1 in a blanket but changes her mind and he sees her with the gun

she sez she was gona cuz he's a cold a55 now and asks him to sahow mercy but he refuses as he's like jack mccoy in law and order on crack

he dont think the rules should change for ciercumstancers

later they maske out and b0ne and sher sez she always loved him and wants her to go with her to be happy

he plays his flute and the net day burt unlocks shot guy and asks if thertes any land to buy here

they rde off and bropmson and friernds go off to sto burt w/o crow

so sherrif talks wuith guys about burt and burt comes in with shot guy

the wife oif a guy burt iced yells at him and thre people wanna take him out

doc sez shot guy needs to recover b4 travel and burt is gonna quit his hunt

but bribnson and his crew are coming for him to town

the men aare outside and burt xomes out but crowtrys to stop them

burt rides outta town and seez chick riding in and 2 guys shoot at him

he weastes em and sez theres been enuff killing but 1 guy still wabnts revengeance

bronson sez the guy is his son but son draws and burt wastes him

burt seez the real bbutt buddy running away and caps him as chick watches


wow, he destroyed the town

and he just rides out and leaves the people to rot

the end

da f was dat?!

the main character is the bad guy and wins

all it shows is the awfulness of violence and revenge

but its well made

Its got a dark gritty story but has a bright atmosphere with sunlight and blue skies

its kinda realistic with the rich guy being good and the lawman being cold

its not a generic "good guy beats the bad and gets the girl" story

its a dark refreshing twist and shows  how things probably really were

i felt a bit bad for the bronson and how burt ruined him and the town

its like shrek did to fairy tales with the iogre as the hero and the king as the badd guy

it holds up

its no john wayne, but its an interesting twist

For Lawman 2 I want the town to be devolved into a rotting slum of viuolence, drugs and cannibalism and the chick has become a bada55 fighter chick who has trained for years and goes out to take out burt to bring back in pieces and use them to ritual seacrifice to change history so he'd have not iced the good people in town and hisatory would be good. Also its an 8 bit Nes, Gameboy, Sega Master System, Game Gear, TG16, Atari Lynx and 7800 game where you play as the chick and go around America finding burt and each time you blow off a part and can use them to boost stats until you saccrifice him and his soul goes daemon asnd you gotta beat it to save history

No comments:

Post a Comment