Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Rip Van Winkle Review

 Note; i spell like i'm from anothjer era

rip van winkle

this is my review on Rip Van Winkle from 1921

Its stars no one I know as most died decades b4 I was born

Its directed by  Edward Ludwig who did The Blacvkl Scorpion (Black Zarak from Transformers Super God Masterforce?!) and is based on a story by WEashington Irving

I never saw this b4 but everyone knows this story

Also its not connected to Vanilla Ice who's real name is Rob Van Winkle

Oh and the guy playing rip is named Thomas Jefferson

So it starts with rvw (not ewj(earth worm jim)) slleeping in the hills to avoid getting yelled at

a bear licks his hand and he thinks its his dog at 1st, but freaks out and runs (WHICH YOU SHOULDN'T DO! it makes em chase you from hunting instinct!! Stand your ground like your taking on a junkie and scare it off with claps and yells and looking big)

so he escapes with his dog schnieder, like the Liger Zero Upgrade in Zoids, or the Reindhart from Castlevania 64)

he finds a village founded by holland dutch as big as a soviet brittish province

meanwhile his wife gretchen the retchin is being b--chy and the innkeeper sells booze that gets the town drunk

gretch the retch b--ches at em and about her husband, and rips daughter is the 1 good thing in his life

shes homies with the inmmkeepers son and they go out to find rip torn

then theres derrick who's kind of a swindler who gyps people

he jood rip outta his lands as he wanted grtretch to be his woman and they'd do it together

he gets the innkeeper to add more money to his owe list by threatening to ouut him for late rent

tthe kids find rip and he's drunk but his kid loves him and he wants to stop drinking and tells innkeeper jr to not drink

inkeeper jr wants to marry rip jr and care for her and rip has another swig

so rip and the kids come down and he saves a kid from being carrieds off on a kite

hhe gets home to da village and drinks with the guys and his dog goes in to gretch the retch

she boots it out with a broom and he tests to see if shes ok with him by throwing his hat in

she sends it out and throws other things, 1 of which nasils a  guy in da head

nailed guy goes in to handle her but gets chucked out and runs

she goes out ands he hides and derrick's nephew comes over to derrick with his letters he's been readiong

it shows the letter but I cam't read it as the video quality is a55

derrick writes a letter and wants to give a drunk a gut of booze

nephew delivers the letter and rip i think comes over to derrick and has some drinks

the note is to rent 16 pounds from dererick that he'd pay in 20 years

he dont consent and will think it over and the derrick and nephew, nammed beekman like that 90s science guy leave

rip tailor talks to some blonde kid and kid learnbs reading, writing and arithmetic, oh its inkeeper jr

rip has him read the contract and sez if he cant read he wont marry his daughter

kid reads it as i guess ripper from castlevania can't read and it says he's selling all his sh-t to beermasan drrriock

he swears off drinking as it nearly cost him his home and items

at home, gretch the retch sees the butcher is there and she gets the bull

beekmans return to rip and he sez he dont sign anything after friday as its saturday and gives innkeeper a bag of coin and wipes his tab and buy for the village while saying he don't drink

then tells his droogs to have a dance and has 1 more drink that dont count as its to their health

everyone dances and has 20s fun and a cat is caught in a fat guys tuba

gretch the retch is chased by her buiull and comes back and sees ripstein dancing wiutgh a chick

then we hear the storm witch is doing something and a storm comes

this is turning into zelda

so the boys are at the inn and innkeeper jr is told to go to bed and he wants to be with rip jr as shes alone and he's allowed

he tells her a story that every 20 years the ghosts of hudson(the guy from gargoyles?) do vowling in the kaatskills. The balls hitting pins is thunder and the lightening is hudson lighting his pipe

I thought it was Angels going DBZ (I came up with this b4 Super devolved the canon)

So gretch the retch comes by and rip hides and hs homies cover for him but she's not mad, but cares for him as she's worried of him in the storm

She has rip garlic jr put a plate out for him and rip is still drinking and being a c-ck suck

no wonder his woman is so b--chy! He drovbe her to it!

Its lke Chichi in DBZ

So rip comes home and trys to sneak in but wifer catches him and he trys to cover

she finds hes dry but has booze andfhe trys to come onto his kinda chubby wife(as i guess hes into fat chix) but dshe shoves his drunk A55 down

he makes up a story of trying to catch a rabbit to eat (but its not kosher! you'll ger parasites!) and da barrits did bugs bunny sh-t and f--ked with him and got away

So he sez he shot at ducks by ther pond and accidentally bent his rifle on a rock and it shot his bull by mistake

his woman crys cuz hes such a j-rk off amnd he trys comforting her, but really sneaks back his booze and sez he's gonna quit drinking

as he swigs after saying that his woman has enuff and sez she's done with him and is taking the kid and the house

she sends him out and their kid is bummed by it and innkeeper jr sez not to go

wife regrets it and tells him to return but he goes anyway and the fam is ruined as he drank too much and was a c-ck A55


f u caps lock

meanwhile, this gnome and human walk through these caves, is that rip? if so, whweere did he get that barrel?

eventually he is in thjis land of 3 foot tall people like lord of the rings but with real midgets instead of elija wood and the brother of the guy from the garbage pail kids movie

1 is human sized andhe notices there's no girls here

so i think a scene is missing as he falls over and blacks out and the people dissappear

later he wakes up and has a lot of white hair ands beard like Saruman from Lord of the Rings or Moses  and his guns all decroded

also his body is all f'd out and he heads home but no one recognises him

theres an a55load more people and he know none of em

1 guy herlps him up and to a table his droogs were at b4 but he gets up and looks around

the 1 guy tells his servant or employee oir slave or w/e to be nice to him cuz hes nuts

employee hears from rob van winkle that he's v w and is askerd where innkeeper is

inkeweper died in the war and servent tell of Paul Revere and of America winning its Freedom from Soviet england so it is no longer subserviant to the regent (like gaye olde canadae who was formed by those who liked being under the king's heel)

also  grown up rip jr is gonna sign deeds and i think future gretchen wants it to happenrip finds all his homies are IN h-ll and rip isa said to have died

gretchen married beekman derick and when derrick b--ches atr her, she just takes it

is this where Its A Wonderfuil Life got it from?

so gretch meets jack the RIPper and offers him a home and she seems to have learned the error of her ways of being b--chy as it ruined her marioage

like how after Goku died, Chichi trained Gotem (Super don't count. AF Does)

rip jr and rip sees each other and he's surprised his kid grew up

lets hope this don't go woody allen with him coming onto her

he asks about her dad and she sez he was kind in face and would never forget it

he sez last night he was rip vw and she was his kid but now its all gone

he admits hes her dad asnd they hug and shes glad to have him back like Gohan in the Buu arc

shes gonna call wife but he sez to call his dog(dogs live like 144 years)

this powdered wig dink is p-ssed sat rip aND WANTS RIP JR TO SIGN the papers

aparently, derrtiock beekman jr i mean nephew is gonna marry her but she wants to marry innkeeper jr

but he's sed 2 b dead after a flaMING boat sank

then innkeeper jr comes in alive AND TELLS off the super beekman bros

derrick is ghonna beat on gretchen for bringing back inkeepoer jr but rip reveals himself to be alive alive and shows them the contract derrick tried to cheat from him

as it was never signed, that means rip still ownsa the property and gretchen

beerkan dont think its real but inkeeper jr is gonna kick their candy a55es and they book it

then the video ends and i think that's the story

the end

that was pretty good

it shows raps life before the turn jump

its got a good side story about his kid

nice heart

i never read the original washington irving story but heard versions of it

looks up wikipedia page

huh, the original story is different

but this film tells a good story and is under an hour

and in here his wife is not as b--chy and learns to be nicer

in a way; this is the draGON BALL evolution of the story as it changed so much

also i never knew this was before and after 1776

It showws the dangers of booze and how it can ruin families and how hard it can be to escapoe its evil clutches

my dad read me the classics illustrated comic in 1999 and though I don't recall much, I liked it i think

plus aparently there are historical accounts from the bible and over the world of similar things happening

tales of faeries and opther otherworldly beings bringing Humanbs to their world

Remember that APTN show Red Earth Uncovered? they mentioned stuff like this

there is more to this world than we can know, and much of it was not meant for us

For Rip Van Winkle 2 I want his wife and daughter to be telling her dad about the last 20 years and he hears of the stories of the war and what his wife and daughter did in those years. Its also a farm simulator like game like harvest moon on GameCube, PS2,. xBOX and Sega Dreamcast where you play as the wife, then the daughter as you deal with the war and  keeping things good. Also you meety historical figures like Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin and George Washington and learn fun triva about them.

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