Tuesday, February 27, 2018

The Ox-Bow Incident Review

note; my bad spelling doent negate the good lesson of this here ffilmy
the ox -bow incident
this is my review on da ocks bo insidint
its got gary cooper or something in it
ive seen it b4 and spoiler; its good
oh its henry fonda
and based on a novel
and directed by wlliam a wellman
and its set in 1985
I mean 1885
so some guys come to this town and stop in a bar
they're waiting for a guy
1 guy finds out the girl he wanted went off to san fran Sodom with a guy a while ago
the only thing to do in town is eat, sleep, drink, play cards or fight
they could b0ne eachother
some guys come in b--chin about russlers
the only strangers in town are the 2 guys who came in
after they're implied to be russlers, the one who's gf went beats a guys a55 but gets a whisky bottle bust over his head
but is revived by water splashed in his face
later he cant recall beating up the guy
then a guy runs into town and sez this farmer got iced
he was found with a bullet hole in his head
and it was probably russlers
now the town wants blood for it
1 guy suggests getting a sheriff and judge to do things legal
but the town don't care.
they rile themselves up into lynching the alleged killers
and only 1 geezer don't consent
he asks the main guys to get da sheriff and judge
1 guy makes jokes about lynching the alleged killers
1 guy wants to manly up his sissy son by taking him to a lynching
main guy goes to da judge but hes out
a stand in sheriff sez hes gonna deputize the lynch mob even though he don't got the authority
btw William a wellman also directed these films
Second Hand Love (sounds like a p0rn0)
Big Dan (also p0rn0 sounds)
Cupid's Fireman (do I have to say it?)
When Husbands Flirt (more p0rn0)
The Boob (come on!)
You Never Know Women (gay p0rn0)
The Cat's Pajamas (furry p0rn0)
Wings (the main character is a j-rk off)
The Man I Love (possible gay p0rn0)
Woman Trap (I think you ca guess)
Dangerous Paradise (demon p0rn0)
Maybe It's Love (with monkeys!)
Other Men's Women (5kank!!)
The Public Enemy (wasn't that based on Dillinger?)
Night Nurse (reminds me of... NIGHT SHIFT NURSES!!!!!!!)
The Hatchet Man (good historical Chinese gang intergenerational romance assassin movie)
So Big! (ahhhhhhh!)
Love Is a Racket (tennis p0rn0)
Wild Boys of the Road (gay car p0rn0)
Call of the Wild (a book about a dog becomes a movie about clark gable owning the dog)
A Star Is Born (I reviewed the 50s one)
Nothing Sacred (demon p0rn0)
Lady of Burlesque (strppers)
The Ox-Bow Incident (moose p0rn0)
and Buffalo Bill (bison p0rn0)
geezer asks the deputy sheriff to give the accused a fair trial
he sez he's gonna go by majority rule
but if the majority is wrong, the bad side wins
also deputy's cant deputize
but they don't care
they go out and at night they stop
1 guy disagrees with this the people running the lynch mob
also its cold at night and some wanna quit
but other say don't be a wiener
1 guy sez as a kid he saw his brother lynched
also everyone starts smoking
nowadays lighting a cig gets a film an instant R rating
but they can have purvursion, drinks, chronic and teens being dumba55es and its only pg13
oh and b0ning
so 1 guy gets shot in da arm
the chick who went to san fran Sodom comes by with her new man and his sister
new husband chats with the main guy but it rubs main guy the wrong way
btw the film is in proper 4 ; 3 and has great black and white looks
so they find a camp with guys they suspect of icing the guy
they ready their guns and go in
good tension
this Mexican guy wakes up and pulls a gun but drops it when seeing his outmatched
also he claims not to speak English
then whats he doing in America?!
the men say they are innocent and get tied up
the other 2 guys are a guy and his son
1 guy suspects the Mexican of faking not knowing English and tries advanced interrogation
but is called off
the son ants a fair trial and a proper hearing
1 guy holds a rope to his neck and laughs
what a d-ck
he sez he got the cattle he has from the guy said to be shot
geezer sez if they don't give him a fair trial then its murder
son sez he bought the cattle w/o a receipt as its gonna be mailed to him
a guy who knew the allegedly dead guy sez he never saw him sell w/o a receipt(or any cattle in the last few years)
main guy sez theres not enough evidence to hang em but the deputy sherrif sez to f off
the dad sez the Mexican did it and told him
son sez the dad is senile
1 guy ercognizes the Mexican as a gambler who iced a guy
wait; I think the senile guy aint related to the guy
also the senile guy might be ret-rded
and served in the army during the war
but not sure if union or confederate
they're gonna string em up but choose to wait til sun up
sorta like in dbz how vegeta gave the z warriors 3 hours to wait for Goku to arrive
one guy wants to write something
the Mexican asks for food in Spanish
then they all eat
main guy hopes the sheriff arrives in time
1 guy sings about heaven with the people he's gonna execute
good f--k that's awful
and people laugh at them
geezer tries to show the guy's letter to the deputy and the writer gets p-ssed
aw f he's got a wife
and kids
then the mexican tried to escape
but the lynch mob gets him in da leg with a bullet
and he has the alleged dead guy's gun
and he speaks English
and 10 other languages
they let him knife a bullet outta his leg
he sez he found the gun in da road
but they don't buy it
geezer sez the letter is proof the accused is not a killer or theif
they have a vote to see who wants to give the men a fair trial
most vote against it
the Mexican sez h wants to give confession
so a guy is told the stuff to bring to a priest
dos that work?
the senile guy breaks down at his life being over
they get volunteers to string the accused up
1 hag wants to
and the sissy son is conscripted into doing it against his will
dad; i'll have no female boys bearing my name
me; he's a hermaphrodite??
the Mexican prays in Spanish
they tie the accused up and the writer tells em off about how they don really want justice, only vengeance
and they don't care if they got the right men, only that someone pays
this is like with the malcontents whining about a cop shooting a drugged out punk and wanting the cop lynched even after bein found not guilty
they people are hung and the horses they stand on are scared away
sissy son cant do it and his dad beats his head in
then the accused are capped
why not just cut em open and b0ne their guts while ur at it!?the sheriff comes by and tells em the guy they thought got iced is still alive and was never dead at all
the lynch mob iced an innocent group
they go back to town and 1 guy suggests lynching the guy who got em into this
main guy tells off the deputy sheriff and sez if he had more cutzpa (oh its the sissy son to his dad )he'd have iced the dad with a gun to save the accused
once in the mid 80s my dad was in japan on a business trip
in America this guy was accused to stealing money from some company he worked at
he had a press conference and said he's innocent
then ate his gun
dad said in America it only showed the gun or the guy holding it
in japan it showed him blowing his brains out
years later I found out he was falsely accused
and only ate his gun so his fam wouldn't be poor
as if he died in office he don't lose his money
at the bar main guy reads the letter
its really heartfelt and talks about how the law must b followed or its chapos
and taking it into ur own hands is a bad thing
and without morals theres no civilization
he says it better in the movie than I do typin it
but its really good
also it doesn't show gary cooper or w/e's eyes while he reads it
really powerful
then main guy sez he's going to help out the writers woman and kids
and rides off with his homie who I don't think really did anything this whole movie
the end
that was great
showing the dangers of mob rule and taking the law into your own hands
its like how all these celebs are being accused and losing their careers over rumors
I know some of em did mo lest the people they are accused of
but not all accusations are true
and without a fair trial, civilization means nothing
I actually was called for jury duty recently and I thought it was a big responsibility
having a man's future in your hands
I wasn't called but it was a big deal
it also shows how some people wont be satisfied until those they see as unworthy of their world are removed
this movie stands the test of time and is as true today as it was when it was written
now to ruin it with as cr-ppy sequel idea
for the ox-bow incident 2 I want the sissy son to gradually go mental and start having psychotic breaks where he black out and wakes up covered in organs. also people keep being found gutted and missing most of their organs. turns out the sissy kid's mind snapped from being part of that lynching and another him was created from his inner self and is out getting revenge on those who lynched the accused. also its an action game like shadow of the beast on sega and you play as the sissy son who turns into a more rock star style version of himself and you gotta go around hunting people down and eating em. its on sega genesis, super Nintendo and Gameboy advance and you can collect organs and use them as weapons or items like intestines as a rope or stomachs as acid grenades.

Friday, February 23, 2018

I Want To Live Review

note; this story is fake
I want to live
this is my review on I want to live (60s ver)
it starts with text saying its a true story
then credits to smooth jazz
I actually looked it up
spoiler; she did it
in the true version
so its directed by Robert wise
then we see a tilted angle widescreen black/white thing of people in a club
its like if a bucket of blood had a budget
very pre hippy 60s
some dude and chick leave the club
upstairs is a wild chick in a hotel with a guy
I assume they just b0ned
a cop busts em for taking a girl across state lines for immoral cr-p
but she sez she was gonna pay for the hotel room
so only she does time
we then see pix of her in jail then on vacation
shes kind of a party 5kank
this sailor shes making out with wants to spend a weekend with her
she sez hes too young
some guys wanna use her as an alibi
she partys with guys and somehow gets a year in jail and 5 years probation
btw I'm trying to write this with my fat gf bugging me about cr-p on skype and some dink I know b--ching about some nerd who p-ssed him off
soe starts hanging out with some crooks
and shes the getta way driver
later she wants to get married and leave the crime
them shes married and has a kid but her husband is a junkie or something
hes a gambling addict
hes on a tirade and she assaults him with a slap
so he returns the favor
she threw the 1st punch
she escalated it
answering words with a fist aint kosher
she tells him off and I think he ditches em
later she's writing bad checks and needs cash
she calls her crime homies
she winds up living with crooks and the cops are after em
she wants to go off with a crook and leave her kid with the grandma
later the main chick and the crooks are on a bus and the cops follow
good music
btw they are in Lynnwood
where weird al yankovic is from
later b4 the chick returns home a radio sez someone got iced days ago
and they picked up a suspec
wait, the crooks wernt on her bust
she comes in and the cops cut the power and turn on the spotlights
da cops followed her
they call the names 1 at a time and the crooks walk out
1 guy beats up the main chick
she cleans up b4 going out cuz u gotta look good for the cops
and she takes a long time too
women always take too long to do stuff
she makes a face and holds a stuffed animal for a newspaper picture
the cops interrogate her
she gets sassy with da cops
when they offer her a deal she turns it down
oh and she sez she dong do drugs but her husband does
they check her clothes and give her a shower
they also check er naked bod in the shower
but we don't see her t-ts
she's a real smarta55 the whole time
then shes in prison
hope they don't turn her
she finds out shes charged with murder and goes mental
btw her victim was in Burbank
that's where slappy and skippy squirrel from animaniacs live
later main chick has a visit from a nice girl she knows
she  but turned good
later she b--ches about hating her lawyer and wants a public defender
he tries to help cover the hole in her story
is this a... WOMEN IN PRISON MOVIE?!!?
this might go female convict scorpion
so she has no alibi
some blonde sez she can get her a fake alibi for cash
if this were made today she'd be b0ning dat blonde
she consents to the fake alibi and meets with the faker
they make a story of being at a hotel together
she admits to being with the homies to get the alibi to help her
as he needs to know where she really was
only the movie tries to make her look innocent
then theres the trial
the homies say the main chick was the one who pistol whipped the geezer they iced
one of em was made a deal to get off to testify against his homies
later she finds her kid is waking
she tells off da press with attitude like a 90ds mascot
then the alibi comes in and reveals he was a double agent
her lawyer wants to quit
but isn't allowed
like in Yugioh how u cant surrender on ur opponents turn
so if they attack with a card that if it beats them, you win the match, they cant do sh-t
so things fall apart for her and her story crumbles
she was home with her husband but he was out and her kid is 1
she sez as she couldn't prove where she was, she needed fake proof
the lawyer also says she was convicted of perjury b4
that's the end of her
give her the gas
or the chair
or guillotine
or just use a big a55 microwave
ahhhhhhhh! bloom!
we get a newspaper montage of how things go
they are found guilty
she freaks out on prison and swears like shadow the hedgehog (H and D only) when finding out she might get da gas
then she is sentenced
she gets the gas
in front of the press she makes b--chy comments at the people who convicted her a55
they could end this right now with her getting the chair
but it goes on for another hour almost
she goes to another womens prison
what she could do is bang her head on the wall to get brain damage
they cant execute anyone unwell
so she dances around in a lingerie or nightgown or w/e
but the guards say its too hot for their prison
main chick sez theres not a guy for miles
she doesn't know about the chicks who go prison gay
that happened in cutey honey btw
theres no boys here so we just kiss eachother
so shes given an ink blot test
the tests show shes amoral and a liar
so... a liberal??
the dr sez shes innocent
but her homies wont save her for some reason
and the evidence of what hand the pistol whipper used cant be used to appeal as it was available in the 1st trial
and theres not enough money for a investigation
maybe if they didn't blow it on failed social programs or public sector unions theyd have some cash left
so they try to appeal and she gives interviews with mags
but the appeal is denied and shes getting the gas
she goes mental
also they're fixing her teeth
she's going to h-ll in a few weeks anyway
its like painting a car ur gonna junk
later she wakes up screaming
later she sees her kid again
they try to make her look like a good mom with over the top cr-p;
she breaks down again and sez its better to get da gas as being alive will cause him harm somehow
but she gets a stay on her execution as the supreme court is taking a look at it
good luck. they hardly ever get anything right
esp in soviet Canada
oh and some guy trying to help her get appeals bites it
and the supreme court denied her appeal
and her son accidentally cooked himself in the oven
ok that last ones fake
but it might as well be
but the courts or governor might save her
shes taken to jail and is b--chy to the people there
so they gotta give her a cavity search to make sure she doesn't try to kill herself b4 she's executed
yeah, that makes sense
but she gets b--chy about it
then the people set up the gas chamber
I don see why they gotta use chemicals
just get a samurai sword
or a sledge hammer
its cheaper and less painful
now they use poison
expensive poison
she sez she wants to come face to face with the one person who knows she innocent
the chick she iced
yeah like she's going to heaven
its like saying oj simpson will meet the guys he iced in heaven after he bites it
she hears her boy is getting a good home and freaks out
what a b--ch
she goes mental for no reason often
the lawyer sez the kids staying with the grandma
and he gave a thing to the judge
she b--ches at him about not wanting him to beg for her life
so much for the title of this film
she chats with a nurse about husbands
and sez she left hers cuz he was up for vice presidency of a bank and they consider the wife in those things
wasn't he a junkie?
so they gon gas her soon
and her homies wont say it wasn't her
spoiler; in the real version its cuz she did it
but here they are just d-cks
so she gets a delay in her gassing
but its cancelled like the next scene
so she gets dolled up to look good for the gas chamber
and gives the toy stuffed thing to her nurse
that's her kids toy
she gave it away without his consent
they she gets in as stethoscope vest
shes about to get gassed when they get another delay
this is like a bad modern game with every time you are about to do something, text or a cutscene pops up and you cant skip it
so the delay is cancelled or w/e
she wants a mask so she wont see anyone
so the nurse gives her a sleep mask
then they show each step in how she gets gassed
I hummed the dbz theme they play when someone bites it as she got gassed(ginyu transformation)
afterward this lawyer(she had a different lawyer after the trial) gets a letter from the chick saying thanks
he drives off to smooth jazz
and text sez its a factual story
spoiler; 300 was a "factual story" too
it just f'd everything around
the end
that was actually a well made movie
It tells a fake true story but it does it well
I like the music, the camera and the style
Robert wise did well on this
even if its slanted to make executing killers look bad
in Canada they don't execute killers
just the sick and unborn
for I want to live 2 I want those who think the chick was innocent to start a big riot and start tearing apart the city. its a h-llish time of people b0ning and killing eachother and pulling their victims apart to eat their organs. the cops cant stop em as theres too many maniacs and ditch the city. so its up to the citizens to take back their city by splattering everyone against em. its also a up to 4 player sega genesis, super Nintendo, Atari jaguar and Gameboy advance beat em up game where you play as concerned citizens who fight their way through the malcontents and splatter em with sledge hammers and samurai swords.

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Thinner Review

note; this movie is about fat guys. no fat chix though
this is my review on thinner
its based on one of the countless stories by steven king
its got joe Mantegna from the simpsons and Daniel von bargen from Seinfeld and Malcom in the middle
it starts with credits as cas go through mist
the mist?!
lol casting by leonard finger
sounds like a p0rn0 name
the cars belong to gypsies
I don't know Any gypsies
but as a Slovenian/pole, I hear things
so the main guy is a 300lb fata55
he sez hes 297 to his woman and she makes him health shake
he as a 90s teen daughter
hes a laywer defending a mafia guy (played by joe mangetna)
so its fat tony minus da fat and added to his lawyer
he brings up a witness who makes the case for him
joey sez he owes him as they eat fatty ialiano food later
later the gypsies have set up a fair in town
at work his boss is gay for a gypsy 5kANK
1 judge talks about the bad things gypsies do
he's shown to be bad for this
the 5kaNK shows her undies and flirts with the fata55
earlier his boss said to give her a quarter to raise her skirt
and here the 5kank has a wquarter
shes got black magic powers!
later after dinner fata55's woman is doing 18+ stuff with him while driving and this gypsy jaywalks
he slams her straight back to h-ll!
theres a trial and the witnesses reveal he was sober and legal
hes found not guilty (which is true, she was jaywalking)
later the head gypsy comes outta nowhere and touches his face and sez; thinner
later he's lost 14lbs in 7 days
but hes gorging on junk food
that's like pooping out twins!
at golf he's cheerful and playful
top of da whirled mah!
at the showers the judge has a rotting on his skin
and fata55 lost 2lbs since he got up
judge sez the gypsy touched him in the rotting spot
he gave him aids!!
later fata55 lost over 40lbs in 2 weeks
his woman is worried about him and fata55 goes for tests
but everything looking good
and dr sez its gonna normalize
while out for a new suit he's lost more weight
later at home he's gorging
to quote donald trump about john Kasich; hes the most disgusting human being i've ever seen in my entire life! he eats like a slob!!
his 90s teen daughter is worried about him
he skipped lunch and instead of dropping 3lbs a day, it was 6lbs
later the dr sez its not a tapeworm
What if in Yugioh Anzu/Tea got a tapeworm (by Weevil) and had to keep eating and eating to keep from starving.
After getting it removed, her stomach has swollen from all the overeating so shes used to having a lot of food.
But w/o the tapeworm to absorb the calories, she kept getting fatter and fatter.
why do I have so many awful ideas?!
at least its not tommy Wiseau b0ning her belly button to get her pregnant
speaking of tapeworms
once when my dad was a kid, he saw a neighbor dog take a big hearty dump.
and it was FULL OF TAPEWORMS!!
it looks like a big pile of SPAGHETTI!!
man we're 30 mins in
that felt like nothing
yet not much happened
its a buncha brief scenes where we get someone doing something then on to the next
good editing
later fata55 goes to see the judge but his wife sez hes in minasota at the mayo clinic
fata55 sez theres no gypsy curses
\wife sez the gypsy touched him and sed lizard
now his skin is turning into scales
he's mutating into an abomination
man that gypsy is awful
his dark vengeance hurts not just those he THINKS wronged him
but their loved ones
collateral damage
wife goes mental at fata55 and he calls joe Mantegna about gypsys
he talks to his mom and she new gypsys in the old country
only the one who cast the spell can take it off
why not go to a priest?
our God is stronger than gypsy demons
fata55 b--ches to his wife about the gypsys saying he, judge and cop "killed the gypsy and covered it up"
she was JAYWALKING!!
she brought it on herself
if I drink bleach I cant sue the bleach company for making it nor the store for selling it
yeah he wasn't driving right but she walked into traffic!
if she was on her phone and walked out it wouldn't be his fault
it really was an accident!
this gypsy is just bitter and evil
like malcontents whining when a cop caps a crook who came at him with a knife
after a stay at the clinic he's burning over 12 000 calories a day
so at night he goes to the cop played by Daniel von bargen
his face his covered by shadow
he sez the gypsys were right and they fixed it
and he never gave fata55 a breathalyzer
even though fata55 wasn't drunk
we see cops face and its rotted
the gypsys gave him aids!
cop ants fata55 to waste the gypsy
but fata55 sez only the gypsy can fix em
cop sez gypsy probably wont do to and goes mental
fata55 leaves and denial von bargen eats his gun
btw years later after becoming very ill he tried suicide dat way
later he and his woman bicker over how its not a tapeworm or anorexia and must be the gypsys
also I think the r is b0ning his woman
later dr tries to get fata55 to go back to the clinic
but he knows its the gypsy
man days just fly by in here
the gypsy is 106
and the chick fata55 ran over was his daughter
and he came over in 1917
and is the gypsy king
and the 5kank is his great grand daughter
and married
sounds like the gypsy king is using black magic to stay alive
although Moses was like 80 when he freed the Israelites
and lead them for 40 years
later fata55 comes home and his woman and dr are plotting to legally force him to return to the clinic
he agrees
then goes off to find the gypsy
this would make a good video game
hunt the gypsy b4 you run outta weight
and doritos give u more time
u could also eat outta the trash
he asks a guy to find em who charges him 800$ to not tell his wife and dr where he is
as they put a missing reward for him
later hes at a carnival and they gypsy king guesses his weight
he mocks him and sez its going down
and the 5kank has a dolls of those they cursed as prizes
and the 5kank goes after him with a  slingshot
then his judge friend comes in looking like Beetlejuice and drives him off
they race toward the king gypsy who's not driving a truck
they crash and he wakes up
now it makes sense
he calls the judge but his wife sez judge drove into a gas truck
thats f'd
later he goes to a bar and 1 guy remembers the gypsy king
the gypsy king mocked him and his wife who bit it years ago
that man is evil
hope they crucify him
then torch it
better cast a holy spell to fight his black soul
fata55 call home and his 90s teen kid sez the drs been there a lot
probably b0ning his woman
at night he goes to the gypsys and the 5kank sez they otta kill him
gypasy king calls him the white man from town
but aint gypsys white?
he tells em the run over one ran out between 2 parked cars and this wont bring her back
king goes on a malcontent tirade about revenge or something gay
fata55 begs for his life but king treats him like cr-p
this guy is evil
fata55 gives them "the curse of the white man from town" and they all laugh at him
the 5kank shoots through his hand with a slingshot for no reason
what a b--ch
and she cals HIM a murdering bast-rd
her ancestor killed so many people but that don't count?!
later fata55 wo's now getting pretty corpsy gets joey to get him a dr to treat his hand wound
and holy cr-p theres a hole clean through his hand
so joey comes over and cares for fata55
its revealed his woman could've committed him w/o the dr
they were b0ning
he swears vengeance against his cheeting b--ch
later its night and fat55 asks if joey is gonna hurt anyone
he still cares even if these horrid gypsys are killing him
joey sez no and gives the gypsy dogs poison
nowadays they'd make him look bad for that
they're just dogs
we waste raccoons and rats
then joey pays a guy to get info on the gypsys
man joe Mantegna is bada55
and cool
bte the paid guy sez" I aint doin nothin on video"
I think hes a male h00ker
daytime the h00ker calls joey and is about to go
but the 5kank and her man get him
later they find him in a car with a warning on da car for "the white man from town"
his eyes are gone, theres a rooster in his throat and words were carved in his head
holy f--k these gypsys are evil!!
they tortured him dead and sent his mutilated corpse as a warning!!
but more people would b--ch about joey killing dogs instead of a fellow human mutilated dead
also he didn't do anything to em
all he did was talk to a guy they don't like
and they killed him horribly
oh and joey got guns
at night joey captured a gypsy and opens fire from a hill on their camp
wtf everythings blowing into fireballs!
he throws the captured guy down with a gag and ropes binging him and the gypsys shred him with gunfire
its the 5kanks husband
on his bod is a note
the whiteman from town sez take it off
later joey comes to da camp posing as an f bi agent and lures the 5kank away
he takes her to a barn and reveals he shot em up
then throws acid in her face
but its soda and baking soda
they fight and he nearly wastes her
but fata55 saves her
he gets her on the ground and b0nes her dead
really he gets her on the ground and puts a jar of acid on he face
they get away as she slowly takes it off
later fata55 meets gypsy king and king sez fata55's dreams smell bad
I knew he as evil
king gives the curse to a pie by sticking a switchblade in his hand and bleeding it into the pie
whoever eats the pie bites it quick and bad
still think fata55 should've went to a priest
he calls hs 90s teen daughter and tells her to stay at a friends place tonight
later he comes home and leaves the pie out as t pulses like the alien lair in the famicom version of contra
he cats with his woman and she sez she wasn't b0ning the dr
they get along
also she sz "oh billy" to fata55 like in midnight express
he lets her have the evil pie and goes upstairs
the next day he wakes up and his woman has rotted and bit it
he kisses her corpse like mad saulus in violence jack evil town and mocks her
I think he tastes her corpse
is he gonna eat her?
that happened in violence jack evil town too
he comes down and finds theres still pie left
his 90s teen daughter comes in and sez she didn't go pout but worked things out with mom
and she just ate the evil pie
fata55 is about to eat the pie but the dr comes in claiming to see the woman
to comfort her
fata55 gets him to eat the pie with him
the end
that was f;d
he iced the girls mom, and the girl by mistake
its a well made movie though
it goes by at good pacing
the effects and lighting are good
its got a bit of a 90s feel
and joe Mantegna is bad a55
I hear hes a nice guy irl
and he's catholic
but this movie was well made
and the gypsys being the bad guys isn't done often
usually they are the innocent victims of evil white guys
here its more how most people feel
For Thinner 2 I want Joe Mantegna to find out about fata55 biting it and blaming the gypsys. He goes after em to avenge him and starts making attacks on their camp. but the gypsy king has had enough and uses his black magic to ritual sacrifice any of his children to summon daemons which start aking over the area and eat anyone they come across except gypsys. so joe Mantegna (being catholic) goes to a priest who gives him holy armor that goives him floating and double jumping abilities and blesses his gun and bullets to make them holy and he starts taking down the gypsy daemons. also the gypsy king is revealed to be a daemon wandering the earth and in the final battle turns into a colossal phalllic monster and starts destroying the area with black magic. also its a 16 bit run and gun game on sega genesis, super Nintendo Atari jaguar and Gameboy advance like alien soldier and you have bursts of holy power that clear the area but take time to recharge

Monday, February 19, 2018

Key Largo Review

note; I never saqw this b4. but my spelling sez I don't fill it(?????)
key largo
this is my review on ki largou
its got Humphrey bogart and I think Edward g robinson
and laren bacall
and lionel berrymore
its based on a play
and music by max steiner
ooh john huston directed this
after credfits text sez in florida islands are held together by bridges
the last one is key lardo or something
then the cops pull over a bus
they are after Indians who escaped jail
they might be headed for their home; key largo
but why?
that's the 1st place the cops would look!!
bogart is on da bus ands chex in at a hotel
but a guy sez da hotel is closed
cuz its summer
but a b--chy chick tells the bartender to give bogart a drink
oh and theyre listening to a sports game on da radio
I think its a horse race
she chats with bogart and sez she bets on longshots
I think shes drunk
bohgart is named frank mccloud like quentin mccloud from the high lander cartoon
a big guy tells bogart to book it as its closed for another month
but him and his droogs r guests
but bogart just wants to see a guy
se sees a guy in a white suitwho calls his wife
bogart and whity were in the same unit in the war
whity sez how the place is too h=-llish and hot and biting flies and tourist d-cks most of the year
sounds like dantes inferno
is there a river of human waste?
cuz in brazil there was a bay full of raw sewage
then the Olympics had people boat in it
oh, whity is in a wheelchair
they talk about the Indians and say they might surrender by tomorrow
oh wait, they said it to da cops
whity's kid bit it in Italy in the war
if you get killed by an italiano; ur soul doesn't go to the next life, and wanders forever
wait that's demons
bogart talks with a chick about the people at da hotel
bogart was with whiteys kid when he bit it
then big guy comes in and sez sorry to bogart for being a d-ck
he does deep sea fishing
look out for sea daemons
and he hates dealing with that b--chy drunk
da chick gets a phone call and sez theres a hurricane
but the eco dinks say hurricanes are caused by global warming
and this is the 40s; well b4 that was made up
its almost as if weather happens naturally
bogart tells whity how bada5 his kid who bit it was
he talked a lot to stay awake and told all his life cr-p
b4 he was born he knew all secrets of life but when born an angel sealed his lips
I think the chick is the sons woman
whity and chick wanna go to Italy too visit his body
we hen get good music that sounds like the film is gonna end
bogart tells a chick of his life after da army
bogart helps them with da boatz and sez his 1st sweetheart was a boat
back then that sounded normal
but nowadays we got people who b0ne cars and "marry" ferris wheels
was he b0ning a boat?
then some Mexicans in boats come over
1 is 108 years old with a son that 112
sounds like time travel
this IS near the Bermuda triangle
a chick talks about her life and the whitey son
asda story comes in the cast stays in the building and has clashes
1 guy reads jokes and it p-sses off another guy
1 guy sez hurricanes blow off roofs and people are carried in sky
1 guy answers da phone and him and abnother pull guns on bogart
then we get a bath scene with edwatd g robinson
but we don't see his thing
he gets dressed and seems like al capone
and he has a fat cigar that looks like a big t-rd
he has everyone hostage and I think had a guy beat to brain damage offscreen
the beat guy is a cop
that's racist
what is he? a liberal?
eddy g (not Kenny g) is johnny rocco da gangster
hes lived in America for 30 years but the gov calls him an alien
whity tells off rocco but bogart sez roccos a bada55
he sucks up to eddy g's a55
rocco wants to be super big again
bogart plays it cool with rocco
whity keep hassling rocco
he tries getting up and uses tables as crutches
but falls
thr rocco smooches the chick w/o consent
that's the same as b0ning her now
some Mexicans or something come in but rocco holds em at gunpoint
rocco tells his story about fixing some election and the guy he got elected turned on him
he knew a chick who resisted his attempts to b0ne by fighting
and the chick here reminds him of her
she spits in his face and he cant do anything as this is a 40s movie and women get away with everything
bogart uses logic to make him not cap her
the drunk b--ch returns and comforts the chick who spat on rocco
she notices theres guns and tries to leave and get a drink
but the big guy sez boss sez no more booze for her
I think shes roccos woman
the window blows down and the storm has started
rocco wants to boo it if cars can get through da storm
rocco and bogart chat about what they wat
then rocco gets in a pistol duel with bogart
the music is really dramatic
bogart sez one less rocco isn't worth biting it for
and throws the gun down
then the beat guy grabs da gun and aims at rocco as he tries to escape\but rocco caps his a55
oh and the gun he gave to bogart wasnt loaded
bogart sez he didn't know
and he only cares about himself as he don't care if rocco lives
later rocco has sent Indians at the door away when they tried to come in from da storm
roco is p-ssed at the drunk b--ch being drunk and getting "da shakes" from lack of booze
that's a serious medical issue
oh and he gave her the 1st drink
might as well have injected her with liquid HIV
or chronic
she sings for a drink but he don't give it to her cuz she s-cked
so bogart gives her one
and rocco slaps him a bit
who slaps a guy?!
real men slug their foes
candy a55!!
the chick talks with bogart about how he risked himself to help dat drunk or w/e
1 guy chats about how prohibition might come back in a few years
that would be good
whity prays for the storm to ice rocco even it everyone else bites it
rocco cant take it and tries to cap bogart
but the guns empty and the storm wrecks da hotel
good effects
now it would be cg
after the storm they have hope and bogart might leave
but the chick wants him to stay
the boat is gone so rocco wants bogart to pilot the other boat to cuba
is this b4 or after the commies too over?
oh and the Indians who came by wernt sent away and stayed outside the whole storm
rocco lied
hes like cnn
thena cop comes by asking for a guy named sawyer
I think hes the guy who rocco capped
saywer made a call b4 da storm
and da cop cant find him
they say he left
and cop books it
but notices a body in the puddle
he chex it and sez its sawyer
rocco sez the Indians wgo broke outta jail were there but left a bit ago
cop find and caps the Indians and sez the whity is responsible
he gets everyones names and addresses
but rocco lies
hes like cnn
cop leaves and some guys stop by
they are roccoes homies
they got lotsa cash and cr-p
the homies later leave on good terms
bogart chooses to go with rocco
and rocco pays whity for his damage
roco ditches the drunk but she gets all clingy and needy
she does something with a gun in someones hands
they get to da boat and drive off
along da way bogart caps a guy but gets capped
then caps another guy
rocco realizes the drunk took his gun
he takes a guys gun and orders a man up to fight bogart
the man don't wanna goi knowing its suicide so rocco wastes him
rocco sez he'd give bogart all da cash
he throws a gun out and sez he has no gun
then comes out with an extra gun and bogart caps him
but hes not dead so bogart caps him
but he's gone some life left so bogart caps him again
its like childs play 2 how chucky just wont bite it
bogart uses da radio and sez he nes a medic and to patch him to the hotel
at da hotel da cop sez hes sorry for icing those 2 escaped convicts
drunk sez it was cuz of rocco
then they get a call from bogart and he sez something to da chick
she sez bogarts ok and coming back to em
the end
that was pretty good
good drama, acting, tension and story
i'm not usually big on bogart but this I could follow
he was good in here and was kinda bada55 and cool
always in control
steady but strong
for key largo 2 I want bogart to be returning in da boat but gets sucked into the Bermuda triangle and has to deal with under water daemons who want to turn him into a flesh slave. also the magic of the triangle has healed rocco who wasn't fully dead and is charged with the triangles evil ki. also he must try to work together with rocco who is slow but strong but bogart is fast but not as strong by fighting these under water daemons and their ancient sea monsters like mosasaurs and megalodon. but dome octopi and squid who are slaves to the sea demons are freed and fight with em. its also a 16 bit sega genesis/super Nintendo/Atari jaguar/Gameboy advance beat em up with vehicle levels where you control colossal squid and fight whales, mosasaurs and megalodon. its also got squid attacks in the beat em up levels where u have a sceen clearing super where a squid eats all bad guys on screen.

Friday, February 16, 2018

Mary Poppins Review

note; England s-cked!!
mary poppins
this is my review on marry poppings
ive never seen this all the way through b4
but most of us remember the simpsons ep
its by walt Disney who did good films before his company went down the toilet after he bit it
look how bad they did power rangers
I never was big on star wars but most nerds hate hwhat they did to it
so this is based on a book by some brit
I hear she hated it and had a vendetta against Disney and America for changing her book
just like nerds hating dragonball evolution
also when they did a play of it, she demanded no americans or people from the film could work on it
what a b--ch
imagine if shakespere didn't want any Japanese working on one of his plays cuz he didn't like a samurai movie based on it?
the director also did King Solomon's Mines (30s ver)
Tom Brown's School Days (my dad read me the comic)
Jane Eyre(40s ver)
Johnny Tremain (50ds ver I only know of cuz of the simpsons)
old yeller(that I reviewed)
Bedknobs and Broomsticks (sounds like a p0rn0)
and other Disney live action cr-p
so it starts with credits and nice music
it shows gaye olde englande frome the skye
man its foggy
reminds me of jack the ripper
I mean; jacke the rippere
then julie Andrews is flying in on a flying nimbus from dragonball
is she pure of heart?
dick van dyke plays like 15 instruments at the same time infront of everyone
wait, that sounds wrong
he talks in rhyme like wheelie from transformers
holy f this chick is like 3 feet tall!
its the wizard of oz!
then dick senses something
a lot of people hated his accent
I think its an improvement over cockney
if my kids were cockney i'd give em the chair
after his street show he talks to the audience and brings em to a home of an admiral in englands navy
the Japanese navy is better
I think admiral is a bit nuts from trauma from blowing people apart in war
wait, hes just stopping by the admiral
is he important to the story?
so this baby sitter quits this family for the kids being too much
I was kinda outrageous as a 90s kid
my babysitters couldn't handle me much
even my cool 90s aunt
then this brit chick sings for a while about something
shes a feminist!!
find da cure!!
if only they saw how bad that would go
the babysitter has lost the kids
back then that was funny
nowadays there'd be an alert and nation wide coverage
I assume some degenerate is gonna get em
then the admiral fires a cannon and the house shakes
1st; what a cr-ppy house to tremble fro that
2nd; wheres that cannon ball gonna go?
I assume it takes out someone in the slums
the mom is the feminist!!
no wonder the kids are f;d!!
then the dad comes back and sez its 1910
he wants things to have order and reason
then finds the kids are missing
he blames the baby sitter and calls da cops
but then a cop comes by with his kids
they were flying a kite and it got away
huh, the kids are good
and the mom is less feminist than b4
how long is this movie?
holy f its like 3 hours!
and were only like 16 mins in!
he then make a list of things the next nanny should have
he's really big on England
nowadays that would make him the bad guy
the kids wrote an advertisement (add ver tize ment) but pronounced it bad (add vert izz mint) with all these little things they want
but dad don't care and sends em to the nursery
but they're like 12!
later a buncha ugly brits come by for the nanny job and a wind blows them away
what is this?! dbz?!
then mary poppings comes in floating from the sky
just like dbz
has she mastered her ki?!
she coms in and has no references
also shes got the kids letter advertisement
dad sez he tore up the note b4
she needs every 2nd Tuesday off for some reason
and she goes to see the kids
letter a new person alone with ur kids??
nowadays that wouldn't happen
also she slides up the handrail on her a55
its like in saint Seiya where shiryu hit a waterfall and I went backwards
she gets a room right next to the kids
nowadays that wouldnt do
also her bad has infinite space and items in it
did she steal it from felix the cat?
she gets a tape measure and it sez traits on the kids instead of height
so height determines personality?
what about midgets?!
she plays a clean up game with the kids and sings about a spoonful of sugar helping medicine go down
nowadays they'd have issue with giving kids a whole spoonful of pure uncut sugar
they she uses her ki or w/e to unmessy the room by making time go backwards in some areas
wtf her reflextion moves independent of her
that's like Dracula sh-t right there yo
then doors and drawers start freakin out like in evil dead
she tells em to stop and they do
can she communicate with the ki the objects had when alive as plants and trees?
that's necromancy!
then we see dick van dyke drawing on the floor and singing
is he a hobo?
then mary poppins comes by with da kids
he sez being with mary poppins is magical or something
sounds like drugs
he does make believe like in mr rogers and acts like the circus
he talks about the places in his chalk drawings
is this Castlevania portrait or ruin!?
are they gonna go in the paintings!?
he tries jumping in the picture like in blues clues
but it don't work so mary does it right
oh and they got new clothes like in Digimon season 2
mary seems p-ssed at dick
then they go to some 2d animated place with cartoon animals
this looks infininly better than most animated cr-p today
if they can jump into images, can they go into anime?
imagine going into la blue girl and finding miko mido!
well, we can kinda do that in our dreams
they also are carries across a pond on cartoon turtles
not sure that's possible
well, they are cartoons
btw where are the kids?
probably being b0ned by the cartoon animals
dick and mary stop at a table and cartoon penguins serve em for free cuz they are gay for her
then dick raps with em a bit with names ranking girls
mary is number 1
does he mean... IN BED!?
then dick dances with the birds
and his pants are hanging low
the crotch is at the knees
he IS a rapper!!
DJ DVD in da haus!!
they keep singsing aboyt a JOLLY OLLY DAY with mary
I assume its 1910s slang for b0ning
how would the penguins know?!
then they are on a mary go round and the kids are back from who knows where
wtf they ride the skewered plastic horses off the thing and float down the road
mary makes them stop having so much fun
what a stick in the mud
then they get into a fox hunt
nowadays the animal supremacists would go on gee haad against it
not only is the fox an Irishman (a comment on brit rule) but dick saves him
then mary and homies get in a horse race
everyone sucks up to mary
is she the queen?
you know how those brits worship her shriveled a55!
then mary goes on a song about supercalibdgilsticexpialidositas
that's not a real word!
kattobingu from Yugioh zexal is more real than that!
and that actually has meaning!!
wtf she sez it backwards
sounds like a word used in spells to summon or control things
then it starts raining and the picture world melts away
so everyone in there died?!
its like in the legend of Zelda links awakening with the wind fish
later they are given medicine for "getting their feet wet"
but it tastes good
back in the 1900s medicine has cocainum in it
later the mom wants to go to downing street to "throw things at the prime minister"
is he as bad as trudeau?
the k sing the somg about supretcalifltragisticexpialisous and it p-ssed off their dad
he otta beat em
later mary and kids go out again and mary talks to a dog
nothing occult there
 go to see uncle albert who is floating from laughing too much
is this a drug reference??
dick starts laughing and he gets high too
but mary is not amused
she thinks its disgraceful
the kids get high too
she floats up like in dbgt and has a tea party in the air
they then get sad to lower themselves
wait, happy thoughts making them float?
is this peter pan?!
man, he's really busted up
mary broke him
what a b--ch
later dad comes home and don't care for his now happy kids
hes p-ssed at mary for letting the kids have fun
then goes into song about order and strictness
oh he hates the kids crazy stories about what mary did with em
she sings about making the kids into the next him
he agrees and forgets what his beef was
did she mindwipe him?
they gon go 2 da bank tomorrow
the kids are happy to go to the city
hope jack da ripper aint still around
then she sings a church like song about a hobo feeding burds
this is kinda nice actually
birds dont need people to feed em
they get lazy from being given food and not hunting or foraging for it
 next day they go out and find da burd lady
the boy wants to waste his money to feed birds
but dad prevents it
once I was at a zellers and wanted to but a 5 $ laser light toy but dad said I didn't need it and we left
i'm glad he did
I didn't need it and that would be a waste
at da bank this geezer who owns the bank sings a song about investing his coin and having compound interest
and how the bank uses the money to help build things
just like in its a wonderful life
btw I think they're trying to make investing look bad as opposed to feeding wild birds
the kids a little brat as he wants to waste it on birds
little p o s candy a55
geezer sez England stands and falls with its banks
reminds me of angel cop how the commies went after da banks
the geezer grabs the boys coin and he freaks out and makes a scene
this dominoes into everyone wanting their money outta da bank
its made to look funny but is a serious problem in real life
like showing a guy blown with dynamite in looney toons
the kids runs away and a hag tries to help em but they run
knowing England, shes a h00ker
maybe she knows jack the ripper
they run  into ick van dyke covered in chimney cr-p
is this blackface?
nowadays some malcontents would go on gee haad over it
he sez their dad is caged in the prison of working for money
that's commie talk
also he sez dad never tells his issues to others and keeps it inside
dick takes em home but mary poppins is on a day off for some reason
then d had to clean the fams chinimy
he sings about it and the boy gets sucked up the chimney
then the girl
oh and mary is there
mary and dick up up the chmney andthey look at the rooftops of the city with smoke coming out the chimneys
nowadays they'd make that look bad for some global warming cr-p
good thing its fake lol
the kid looks in a pipe and gets a face blast of what dick calls; good CLEAN soot
then they walk up a smoke stairway
wtf is going on?!
they look at the cityscape and dick sez only birds stars and chimney sweeps can see t
too bad its slums full of poors suffering and b0ning eachother dead
then they float down on jet black smoke
n on the roof all these smoked cockney guyas jump outta the chinmeys and dance to "step in time"
this is pretty well done though
sorta like brittish fiddler on the roof
man dick can move
and the back up dancers got some power rangers stuff going
btw they're dancing high on roofs above England
oh and the face blackness is gone in some shots
mary joins in the dance and spins
also we get a silhouette of guys dancing to a blue sky on chimneys
its like a sega genesis game
then admiral fires his cannon and it whizzes around like a ki blast in dbz
the Irishmen on the roof jump down the chimney and all dance inside the house
the maid; not again!!
btw they're gonna dirty the place covered in soot
breaking and entering
disturbing the peace
these Irishmen are getting the chair
dad comes in and they run and flip away like power rangers
dad asks mary to explain but she sez she never does
that's not how you talk to your employer!
especially after u f'd up his kids and they ruined his job
then the bank calls and I think they canned him
dad sings about how everythings f';d cuz of mary popins
dick is still there for some reason and sings to dad about the good mary did
dad sez its Mary's fault for getting him to take the kids to work
but dick tries to make him think otherwise
not only WAS it Mary's idea to go to bank, shje also told the kids about the birds
dick leaves and the kids say sorry and give him the coin
a lot of good that does now!
dad goes for a walk and back to da bank
are they gonna ritual sacrifice him?
his name is BANKS
and he works at the BANK?!
in 1773 the bank gave money to a tea thing to America
I think its the boston tea party
there was a run on the bank
and since then there wasn't one
until mary poping did it
they do a thing like in the 90s judge dream where they take off his items and damage em
dad snaps and sez supecalifragin;isticexpialidouies
they say its not real but dad sez bank geezer aint real
good comeback potsy
he tells bad jokes and sez hes gonna do crazy cr-p like done b4 in a film and books it
eventually geezer gets the joke and floats
the next day da fam worries he committed seppuku or jumped in da river
in a Disney movie?!
nowadays they wouldnt have dat
dad returns
oh and mary is going
dad fixed the kite and sings to em about flying a kite
this is kinda nice
they go off to do so
bank guy sez the geezer bit it laughing and is flying a kite
oh and with the geezer in h--ll theres space for a new partner
mary talks to her umbrella like its saba from power rangers (tommys sword as the white power ranger)
mary sez perfect people cant have emotion
then flies off
I assume she is some kind of genetic super soldier bred to be unable to feel or deviate from the mission and have black powers
maybe she was trained in ki to help brits go nuts
the end
that was pretty good
I enjoyed it and it has charm and upbeatness
back when Disney had majik and not cgi cr-p or live action teen shows for dinks
and I liked dick van dykes accent
its better than a regular cockney accent that cant be understood
maybe cockney accents are meant to be bad
like in japan how Goku is played by a 80 year old lady when hes a 20 year old man
for mary poppins 2 I want it to be ww1 and mary uses her black magic and ki abilities to fight the germans. but the germans and Austrians have trained a female bodybuilder in ki abilities and she can fight and counter Mary's powers. also mary is having emotional issues with being the perfect being as theres no one on her level and everyone s-cked compared to her. the appearance of this body builder ki fighter shakes her view as the ultimate life form and she has an emotional crisis. with her emotions out of control, she leaks ki and it burns across the area like lightening and wipes out her own soldiers. then its a final battle between the body builder ki chick and mary who is transformed into some grotesque phalllllic monster from her dna going misfire from her ki out of control. also its a 16 bit sega genesis and super Nintendo and Atari jaguar and Gameboy  advance game with you as either mary or the bodybuilder (who looks like sailor venus on roids and is in an neon pleather outfit like princess Daphne from dragons lair) and fight through waves of enemy troops and giant mechs as bosses or black magic users or rival fights with the other one and its sorta like alien soldier from sega.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

The Grapes Of Wrath Review

note; if I wrote the book it would have typoes. like this
the grapes of wrath
this is my review on da graepd of warh (40s ver)
its got henry foonda who was in the swarm (the one with bees nuking cities)
its based on a book by john Steinbeck who did easty of ecden and of mice and men
both those were based on actual events
I read mice and men in high school
ooh, its by john ford
he's good
it starts with names in front of a pictuire of a tree for credits
this guy tries hitch hiking on A GUY with a delivery job
but no passengers allowed
yet the driver breaks the rule
they talk and its revealed the hitch hiker was in jail for years
whjat was his crime?
oh f!
hes a killer!!
I thought it had to do with b0ning
hes dropped off at a farm
he walks by a guy who its revealed baptized him
he was a riest but lost his way
too bad
he did crazy things in service like hanging off a barn
what kinda church does that?!
he rambles on about maybe there being no sin or virtue but only tastes
that's what the fat gay guy said in Spartacus while taking a bath with tony Curtis
the killer sez he was in a barfight and the guy shanked him so he smashed his head to mush with a shovel
but it was self defence so he got 7 years
shouldnt he be aquitted?
I mean he was defending himself
maybe the knifer was a protected or superior group and there was a hate crime enhancement
so ex priest and killer return to killers rents home and its empty
theyre stuff is there though
I assume a sasquatch or space demon got em
didn't THEM start like this?
a ex farm hand comes by saying they went to California
there was some natural weather thing that iced the crops
cant be global warming
this is da 30s
plus global warming is fake lol
so after the land bit it the bank that owns the land cant afford to keep paying the people working on it
so they're replacing them and bootin em out
why does the bank own their land?!
are they renting it?
why don't they own their own homes?!
are they gaijin?!
so the farm hand goes on a tirade about how owning property legally with a deed isnt right
and how existing on land makes it yours somehow
spoiler; that's not how it works
so if I go to school and sit at the same desk every day that makes it mine?
so then the bank sends catterpiller machines to bust the property to get the squatters off'
he tries to cap one but is talked outta it by a guy with a job on the caterpillar machine
gonna take a mans life for inanimate land?
this guys f'd!
so his fam ditched him and now he haunts the place he used to live
then the super intendant comes by and they leave cuz its bank land and they trespassing
they hide in the plants as farm guy nailed a guy wIth A fence stake once and they don't want that again
later a fam talks about the paradice of being a california orange picker
spoiler; its not so great according to known liar morgan spurlock
bt you cant rust him so maybe its good
killer comes by the fam and its his fam
his mom asks if they hurt him and made him mean in jail
I think that's the 40s way of asking if he was b0ned
don't drop the soap tommy!
then more friends come by and this girl who was a kid when he went to jail is now married and pregnant
then a car comes by and what looks like mr potter rom its a wonderful life is driving with a cigar
he tells em to be out by tomorrow
so they reveal later they saved some cash
later this manly woman burns things to sad music
then the fam gets ready to drive off
they can afford a car
but what about gas?
and repairs?
and insurance?
and other cr-p?
this is why I don't drive
so grampa wants to stay even though the place is going up soon
he goes mental about not wanting to go to California
so they get him drunk with soothing syrup
I assume that's slang for narcotix
after hes OD'd they gon leave and another guy comes along
so many people traveling together
its like shining force
later along the way grandpa bits it
they bury him and leave a note in a jar saying who it is
later theyre stopped at some place on the road to California
an ex store owner sez the orange picker job has 800 openings and 20 000 have seen it
his fam bit it from hunger when he hunted for work like the main guys are doing here
later the fam is driving and stop by a drive stop
a guy asks for bread for free but a blonde sez no
but the owner sez yes
they wanna buy 10 cents of the 15 cent loaf
they get it all free
he buys the kids candy sticks; 2 for a penny
but its really a nickle each
2 guys leave their change for the store to help em
I can see as a jab at government mandated minimum wage laws
as paying higher keeps poors out
later they're driving and go by Arizona
they reach california
man we're an hour in and it felt like nothing
later theyre in California water (ewwwwwwwwwww!!!) and swimming
might as well be swimming in medical waste
later they are at a gas station and the gas man is amazed they made it across the desert in their cr-pmobile
I think theyre going across the desert
the kids wanna see human skeletons in the desert
those were humans like u!
freekin monsters
they gon grow up to be serial killers
later they get to an inspection to keep seeds out of calidfora
they say grama is sick and the guards take pity on them
nowadays people on airplanes get mo les ted by security despite begging and good reasons not to be cavity searched
later they get to soviet California and its rich and green
in real life its got serious water and crime problems
they care too much about criminals rights
we need judge dredd to shred some candy a55!
oh and grandma bit it
they get to town and meet a cop also from Oklahoma
they ran outta gas and push the car
they want work... ANY kind
thart sounds like they'll do p0rn0
and theres no work anymore
and they gotta be off the streets by sundown or its jail
holy cr-p caloifornia used to have law and order!
now its gangs and drugs and aids and purvurts
so the fam gets to a camp and its full of poors and has cr-ppy food
later a business owner wants workers
the poors state demands about how the owner can run his business
one malcontent starts b--ching and trying to turn the people against him
a cop tries to take him in on suspicion for being a car breaker in-er
but in the scuffle the cop is hit and a gun goes off and iced some b--ch
killer books it to avoid going back to jail for parole violation and another guy confesses to the crime
later word has it the camps gonna get burned down
main guy wants to get his fam out on this rumor alone
later people are driving out
the fam stops by a place for work
but the work is full and they don't want any Oklahoma people around
California hates white people?!
I blame the liberals
later the car pops a tire
and the fams running low on food and grease
and the girls gonnna poop out a baby
but a guy driving by sez theres work nearby
they go there and there cops there
they get directed to a place for work
a guy gets their stats and sez they get 5 cents a box of picked peaches
no bruised fruit
a guy gets his name and car liscence plate
they try to make getting basic info for work look like a bad thing
later they bought food with their pay
killer goes for a walk but isn't allowed by a guard
I think this is a thing on unions
you gotta pay em to belong and they have strict rules that keep u enslaved to their way
then he meets a guy he knows
turns out theyre a striking union
they use their "living wage" propaganda to try to seduce him
he sez tonight they had good food from their job
oh the union commie was the priest
and the cops are gonna bust his a55
the commies run as the cops are near but the cops get him
one busts his head in with a night stick and it wastes him
but main guy killer gets away
he sneaks back into his fam new home
the next day killer has a busted face from the cops
oh I think he iced a cop too
cuz 2 wrongs make a right
he plans to run away
mom talks about how things were simple back then and now they aint
just wait til gender problems come
he decides not to flee
a new guy comes but but gets a lower wage
supply and demand b--ch!
the fam gets ready to leave and hides main killer
they tell the owners they found work and the killer was a hitch hiker who left
along da way da fanbelt snaps
so they roll it down da hill
they hit a speed bump and meet a guy who runs a camp that has toilet and running water
they are amazed by this
were they from Detroit??
he asks them for the same info the previous guy did
but hes friendlier
theres no cops w/o a warrant and the camp is run by the gov
they got dances and pay people to clean up
how can they afford it?
raising taxes on those with cash?
no wonder they pay their workers so low!
they gotta cut as much as they can to stay afloat!
the kids find a toilet and are amazed at it being able to flush
a guy sez that theres people fighting commies and burning down their camps
look how well chi na, north kor ea and the sovietunion did
the problem with socialism is you keep running outta other peoples money
later its a dance and they're worried about agitators
1 guy senses something about some guys coming in
1 guy smoking gets his smoke taken for "keeping the camp clean"
in prison you can smoke
is this worse than prison??
and theres some guys with guns ready to attack the commies
the gov owned guys are ready to beat up the invaders
then the cops come in saying to let em in cuz theres a riot
but there is no riot
they fake riot was averted
later at night main killer seez guys noting his cars liscence plate
they go through da camp and are told they cant arrest anyone w/o a warrant
but they gon get 1
btw this whole; they know my liscence plate so they gon get me" this is reason not to trust big gov
that's why I avoid google
go to h-ll google you c-ck sucker site!
i'm getting into duck duck go
and never get one of those google things u can talk to
so killer is gonna book it
hes killed another guy in the thing where the ex priest bit it
and the cops are on his case
he hates people being uneven in blessings
he suggests people banding together and revolting
like in the soviet union where they iced the czars fam
even 13 year old alexi
he decides to be around in the dark helping people
I think hes gonna be a serial killer taking out those he deems unfit
man this monologue goes on a while
he sez bye to mom and goes off saying hes gonna return
then he goes off to roam the wastelands like the chick in violence jack slumking
later the fam goes off to get 20 days of work
as they drive the mom who looks like a man gives a hopeful speech
thre end
that was pretty good
wtf; Charles d brow-
I think its Charlie brown!!
but I liked this despite commie sympathies
its well made and has good photography in b/w
I like the lighting and acting and good effort put in it
its pretty well made and you cant go wrong with john ford
for the grapes of wrath 2 I want the main guy from the 1st one to return to his home with the other guy still there and fighting off the people with jobs in guerilla attacks. he also has gotten into cannibalism as he has no food that can grow crops on his land and eats the people he wastes. its also a 2 player beat em up/ run and gun on snes sega genesis and gba with one player as the main guy and the other as the farm guy and they have to fight people on caterpillar machines by jumping on them and attacking the driver. also you get health power ups by eating people you beat dead.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

The Big House Review

note; my spelling isn't bad, its prison lingo
the big house
this is my review on the big house (1930s ver)
ooh its by mgm
it starts with legs walking and opening credits
then this car drives up to a cool looking prison
it look like metropolis by fritz lang
this guy named kent is sent for 10 years for manslaughter
they take his stuff except smokes and photos of his blonde sister
hes 24 and they finger print him
they give him clothes including a hat
then take nude photos of him in front of a wall with lines to measure his wingspan
he was drunk driving and ran over a guy
warden sez his sentence can go down for being good
the kent is room mates with morgin and butch
a killer and gunman
and kent is a wiener
hes gonna get b0ned dead
butch sez he iced a gang for 500$ with a machine gun
mabe it was for the best
butch takes kents smokes and when kent tells, butch and morgin deny it
tthen butch slugs out kent
morgin gets butch to give back the smokes
they find the picture of kents sister
butch sez shes like his ex who he gave ant poison
in real life wallice beery poisoned his pregnant wife to kill their kid
butch sez he should've just beat her jaw a few times
I think I heard beery beat his women
later the inmates are gathered together to stand in squares outside
then they walk in the yard
some guys tell kent hes getting parolled
but its a prank
then morgin gets etters to give to butch and kent
butch got one ffrom his gf
wait I think hes faking it
the real letter sez his mom bit it
butch remembers his mom being fierce and nearly biting off a guys thumb
butch wants to break out
a guy asks for a match and chats
morgin thinks hes a "stool pidgon"
I think its slag for butt buddy
kent talks with the stool guy and is revealed butch has a knife
morgin tells kent not to tell or be with stool
but kent is sic of morgins cr-p
later butch and morgin bet with smokes on a bug race
butch wins
but it was fixed as the bug was stuck to the floor with gum
kent stands up to him but butch pulls a knife
they fight but the guard stops it and butch hides the knife
guard sez he can send butch to the dungeon
they have dungeons?!
nowadays we cant even ell at inmates or the wieners say its abuse
kent defends butch and goes with his story of they were rasslin
later its meal time an butch starts an uprising over not wanting prison slop
but the guards fire a shot and say the next will take him out
so he submits
warden comes in saying he was fair to em and runs the show
they search butch and he goes to the hole ( the dungeon )
but they don't find the knife
check his a55!
later the inmates are at machines
kent sees his lawyer who sez hes getting out tomorrow
wait I'm not sure its kent
also kent meets his sister in the place they meet outsiders
kents sister sez they tried but hes not getting out
later stool sez if kent helps the system stop bad guys, he gets time off
I think  see where this is going
oh its morgin whos getting out
he sez its good behavior that got him off
and they got a new cellmate to replace butch
some foreigner the call Rasputin
kent plants the knife on morgins cat
they check the place and find butches knife
it costs him his parole and sends him to da hole
he swears to get kent for this
they put him in a small dark closet
at night they talk and butch is gonna break out
later after a month in da hole morgin is all f'd
they bring him out on a stretcher
but hes faking
hes put in the hospital wing but hears someone else bit it
so at night he hides in the corpse place and gets out
later morgin goes to the sisters store
she gets a note from her kent somehow warning her of mirgin
she pulls a gun on him but lets him go as she cant send him back to prison
she gives back his gun (DUMBA55!!!!) but a cop friend of hers comes by
after he leaves the sister and morgin get along and she helps him
but the cop is onto him
morgin is p-ssed his parole got removed and plays the victim
maybe he shouldn't've  have stolen all that meth or w/e he did to go to jail in the 1st place?
later hes going away to escape America to live in the 3rd world forever to avoid a few years of prison
also he sez; I knew when THAT DICK walked in
but dick means detective in 20s slang
nowadays it sounds wrong
then the cops come by and bring him back
and for some reason the sister loves the morgin now
btw the sister is played by the human gf from the island of lost souls and freaks
back in prison butch is planning a prison break
also kent is in on it but butch thinks it was Rasputin who planted it
morgin tells kent to stay outta the break as its gonna be murder and his fam would miss him
btw I heard lon chaney was gonna play butch but bit it b4 he could
kent outs the break plan to the arden to get his term cut in half
also the breakers have guns but the good guys don't know where
I think its in their a55!!
later its American thanksgiving and they sing church songs
nowadays they'd avoid al references to Christianity
then they pray the Our Father
during prayers (I think this is a mass) the inmates pass guns and bullets
but drop one
later they prepare for the break in da yard at noon
mogin tries to get butch to not break but it don't work
the guard brings in morgin to get info on the break but he don't say
then its noon and the guys get through da gate
the inmates get more guns and capture the guards
they took the prison!!
I think the cops are ready and trap em in part of the prison
its hard to tell
and butch thinks morgin sold em out
butch sez hes gonna ice every guard unless they let em out
he sends a guard with the message
but warden sez he'd see em in h-ll 1st!
and they open fire
morgin and kent hide with da guards
one guard is brought out and iced
they throw his bod out
1 crook gets capped and has keys
morgin opens the door with em and gets a guard back to his cell
morgin locked the door to the guards and has the key
kent freaks out and admits he outed em\
an butch is gonna b0ne him dead
then the army tanks come in
as ive just been playing advance wars, I know guys with machineguns cant stop tanks
wow this is bad a55
butch is after morgin but morgin sez es innocent
now these once friends are trying to ice eachother
they cap eachother
then crawl at eachother
its revealed to butch kent sold em out
they reconcile
and cuz moregin saved da guards he gets a full pardon
he reunites with the sister
the end
that was good
one of the 1st prison movies
kinda like 20s riki-oh
and its based on actual events
some 29 riots
this was cool and a good early talkie
plus no one got b0ned
for the big house 2 I want for there to be too many inmates in jail and the prisons are overcrowded. so they start housing the inmates in zoos and letting people come pay to see the inmates have fights or b0ning contests. also theres gang wars between the animals and the humans as they keep trying to b0ne eachother dead. its also a 16 bit sega genesis and super Nintendo and Atari jaguar game with you playing as either a human or animal and fight other humans ort animals for turf until you fight an elephant as the game boss.

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

The Black Stallion Review

note; i'm not a brony... kinda...
the black stallion
this is my review of the black stallion (70s version)
its not the urban version of the Italian stallion aka party at kitty and stud's
nor is it a sequel
nor prequel
nor remake
I've never seen this b4
so I assume someone gets b0ned by a horse
this movie has mickey rooney from santa claus is coming to town
and Kelly rend who I never heard of
who plays the horse?
for star power the should've had lilian gish in a cr-ppy horse costume
nowadays the horse and bACKgrounds would all be cg
ooh its by mgm and united artists
its by fransis ford coppola
his Dracula was like a bad p0rn0
we get credits to sand and wind
oh its blowing sand off a horse item
then this boat is at sea with some midget walking around it
the midget finds a big black horse tied and freakin out
it gets the whip
the horse, not the midget
midget finds his dad at s poker game with what looks like culture day at degrassi
1 guy puts a metal horse on the bet table
so midget checks on the horse but some foreigner picks him up, slams him against da wall, and talks his language to him
that kids gonna assassinate the foreigner
later the midget/kid and dad are going over the winnings
he gives his son a knife he won
nowadays people would go mental cuz of dat
so dad tells son of alexander the great and his taming a wild stallion
later the boat gets f'd and dad gves kid a life vest
wtf happened to the boat?!
its on fire and thrashing about!
the kid hears and frees the big black horse
the foreigner cuts off his life jacket to use but dad tackles his a55
in the chaos they lose eachother and kid goes overboard
didn't this happen in the blue lagoon?
the kid sees the big black horse and the next day hes on the beach
that was actually pretty epic
nowadays it would be all cg
but here its done right
he has his knife and the metal horse
man we're 20 mins in
that felt like nothing
he looks around from a hilltop zone and its nothing but ocean
just like the blue lagoon
btw theres long stretches w/o words
its well done
this could be a silent film if changed a bit
later he finds the horse and its all caught in ropes and freakin out
kid frees him nd e runs off
later after some trippy neverending story stuff this snake goes for the kid as he sleeps
he wakes up face to face with a cobra
but out of nowhere the horse uses stomp on it
how'd neither the snake or kid hear the horse?
later the kid starts a fire and watches the horse with the metal horse in the foreground
nowadays a kid starting a fire would offend people
btw if the kid had stayed still the snake would've left him
kid gives horse a turtle shell of greens and makes sounds to him
use words!!
horse runs around for no reason after hearing sounds
kid offers horse a handful of greens and they go back and forth
I thought the hose is bigger than that
he seems smaller here
eventually horse eats the leaf
those horse lips
later kid plays with the horse
are they gonna fall in love?
like in the black lagoon?
blue lagoon
this is rated g in America and 12+ in the Netherlands
and 11+ in Sweden
buncha candy a66 countries
then there some underwater playing to calm music
this is like mr rogers neighborhood
seeing picture picture showing kids being happy to nice music
then kid rides the horse
its cool seeing its legs and feet go off the ground as it runs
later the kid is under water and sees a boat
he goes up and meets some sailors
I think there Portuguese
the horse come by and freaks em out
he trys to tell em to take the horse with em
but they don't understand and carry him off in a boat
so after waiting for like 40 seconds the horse jumps in da water and swims
its weird seeing it move one leg at a time like a spider or something
the sailors hoist it up on a gear thing
later its a school thing with kids singing poems of him and the horse
now da kid is back home and has the horse I his backyard
isn't he in the suburbs?
at dinner he brings out the fruit salad to da horse
hes living with some blonde chick
and he falls asleep outside with the horse
so the chick brings him a blanket
he survived for who knows how long on an island
I think he can handle a night outside
oh the blonde is his mom
shes glad da horse saved him
the next day the horse attacks a garbageman and chases down a car
this is like in the simpsons how lisa got that pony
the horse runs through town f ing stuff up
after looking for him the kid meets an old black guy who saw where the horse went
his horses name is napoleon
so the kid goes after the horse for like a week and finds him on a farm
the farm owner disputes the kids claim its his horse
I think its mickey rooney
he agrees its the kids
he spent all night getting him in
farmer and kid bond over breakfast
the horse likes it there and stays
and kid visits him
oh and I think the horse has a white horse gf
kid finds a room of cr-p from when mickey roomer was a jockey
he gets mickey ronue to try to get the horse to race
they try putting a saddle on him but he flips it off
later kid watches a movie and a news reel (as its da 40s) has a thing about the Belmont thing
later moickey rfonies trains the kid in jockey cr-p
and the horse looked a bit like tommy Wiseau with his hair over his eyes
later mickey ronite takes the kid to the track and hew runs it
mickie romioes gives the kid a ball to squeeze to power up his hands
later its raining and horse isn't up to going out
the black guy sez the horse should stay wild and might be blue
later its dark and they're at da track and lightening flashes and horse gets freaked and knocks over mickie romioies
a car comes by and mickey roonioes sez "its him"
it starts raining and the kid on horse runs
I was watching a dragon ball fighter z vid and missed what happened but the kid cant remember what happened either afterward
also this guy in white shoes comes out and is impressed
oh its the guy from the newsreel
later the kid shows his mom his metal horse and tells her of him nearly biting it in the ocean
he grabbed the horse and it saved him
later its race day and the midgets and kid get weighed
the horses race and this white one is leading
oh its a race between the other 2 best horses in the thing
blackie is catching up
then blackie wins the race
the horse gets its leg patched up and the kid thanks mickie roony
then we get the horse and kid on the islad as credits roll
horse rolls in the sand and so does the knid
I think he went back to live on the island
ooh the rainbow behind them as they play
and the soft music
this is art
moves my heart
the end
that was really nice
clean, wholesome, positive and warm
I loved it
its like mr rogers or something
and it doesn't feel like 2 hours
its also got a timeless feel as its set in the 40s
for the black stallion 2 I want the horse and kid living on an island and African pirates capture the kid to ransom him off for cash. the horse calls on sea creatures to help him and goes on adventure to rescue the kid. he can ride on mosasaurs and use them to attack ships. but the pirates have whale slaves under their control with a black magic item. so its the horse riding mosasaurs and the pirates commanding whales battling it out. oh and the horse also can summon giant squid to fight. its also a 16 bit sea faring beat em up on sega genesis and snes and Atari jaguar with players controlling various sea monsters like giant squid or mosasaurs or megalodon and fighting pirates in steam punk boats and whales and whales mutated by black magic.