The Black Stallion Review

note; i'm not a brony... kinda...

the black stallion

this is my review of the black stallion (70s version)

its not the urban version of the Italian stallion aka party at kitty and stud's

nor is it a sequel

nor prequel

nor remake

I've never seen this b4

so I assume someone gets b0ned by a horse

this movie has mickey rooney from santa claus is coming to town

and Kelly rend who I never heard of

who plays the horse?

for star power the should've had lilian gish in a cr-ppy horse costume

nowadays the horse and bACKgrounds would all be cg

ooh its by mgm and united artists

ahh

its by fransis ford coppola

his Dracula was like a bad p0rn0

we get credits to sand and wind

oh its blowing sand off a horse item

then this boat is at sea with some midget walking around it

the midget finds a big black horse tied and freakin out

it gets the whip

the horse, not the midget

midget finds his dad at s poker game with what looks like culture day at degrassi

1 guy puts a metal horse on the bet table

so midget checks on the horse but some foreigner picks him up, slams him against da wall, and talks his language to him

that kids gonna assassinate the foreigner

later the midget/kid and dad are going over the winnings

he gives his son a knife he won

nowadays people would go mental cuz of dat

so dad tells son of alexander the great and his taming a wild stallion

later the boat gets f'd and dad gves kid a life vest

wtf happened to the boat?!

its on fire and thrashing about!

the kid hears and frees the big black horse

the foreigner cuts off his life jacket to use but dad tackles his a55

in the chaos they lose eachother and kid goes overboard

didn't this happen in the blue lagoon?

the kid sees the big black horse and the next day hes on the beach

that was actually pretty epic

nowadays it would be all cg

but here its done right

he has his knife and the metal horse

man we're 20 mins in

that felt like nothing

he looks around from a hilltop zone and its nothing but ocean

just like the blue lagoon

btw theres long stretches w/o words

its well done

this could be a silent film if changed a bit

later he finds the horse and its all caught in ropes and freakin out

kid frees him nd e runs off

later after some trippy neverending story stuff this snake goes for the kid as he sleeps

he wakes up face to face with a cobra

but out of nowhere the horse uses stomp on it

how'd neither the snake or kid hear the horse?

later the kid starts a fire and watches the horse with the metal horse in the foreground

nowadays a kid starting a fire would offend people

btw if the kid had stayed still the snake would've left him

kid gives horse a turtle shell of greens and makes sounds to him

use words!!

horse runs around for no reason after hearing sounds

kid offers horse a handful of greens and they go back and forth

I thought the hose is bigger than that

he seems smaller here

eventually horse eats the leaf

those horse lips

later kid plays with the horse

are they gonna fall in love?

like in the black lagoon?

blue lagoon

huh

this is rated g in America and 12+ in the Netherlands

and 11+ in Sweden

buncha candy a66 countries

then there some underwater playing to calm music

this is like mr rogers neighborhood

seeing picture picture showing kids being happy to nice music

then kid rides the horse

its cool seeing its legs and feet go off the ground as it runs

later the kid is under water and sees a boat

he goes up and meets some sailors

I think there Portuguese

the horse come by and freaks em out

he trys to tell em to take the horse with em

but they don't understand and carry him off in a boat

so after waiting for like 40 seconds the horse jumps in da water and swims

its weird seeing it move one leg at a time like a spider or something

the sailors hoist it up on a gear thing

later its a school thing with kids singing poems of him and the horse

now da kid is back home and has the horse I his backyard

isn't he in the suburbs?

at dinner he brings out the fruit salad to da horse

hes living with some blonde chick

and he falls asleep outside with the horse

so the chick brings him a blanket

he survived for who knows how long on an island

I think he can handle a night outside

oh the blonde is his mom

shes glad da horse saved him

the next day the horse attacks a garbageman and chases down a car

this is like in the simpsons how lisa got that pony

the horse runs through town f ing stuff up

after looking for him the kid meets an old black guy who saw where the horse went

his horses name is napoleon

so the kid goes after the horse for like a week and finds him on a farm

the farm owner disputes the kids claim its his horse

I think its mickey rooney

he agrees its the kids

he spent all night getting him in

farmer and kid bond over breakfast

the horse likes it there and stays

and kid visits him

oh and I think the horse has a white horse gf

kid finds a room of cr-p from when mickey roomer was a jockey

he gets mickey ronue to try to get the horse to race

they try putting a saddle on him but he flips it off

later kid watches a movie and a news reel (as its da 40s) has a thing about the Belmont thing

later moickey rfonies trains the kid in jockey cr-p

and the horse looked a bit like tommy Wiseau with his hair over his eyes

later mickey ronite takes the kid to the track and hew runs it

mickie romioes gives the kid a ball to squeeze to power up his hands

later its raining and horse isn't up to going out

the black guy sez the horse should stay wild and might be blue

later its dark and they're at da track and lightening flashes and horse gets freaked and knocks over mickie romioies

a car comes by and mickey roonioes sez "its him"

it starts raining and the kid on horse runs

I was watching a dragon ball fighter z vid and missed what happened but the kid cant remember what happened either afterward

also this guy in white shoes comes out and is impressed

oh its the guy from the newsreel

later the kid shows his mom his metal horse and tells her of him nearly biting it in the ocean

he grabbed the horse and it saved him

later its race day and the midgets and kid get weighed

the horses race and this white one is leading

oh its a race between the other 2 best horses in the thing

blackie is catching up

then blackie wins the race

the horse gets its leg patched up and the kid thanks mickie roony

then we get the horse and kid on the islad as credits roll

horse rolls in the sand and so does the knid

I think he went back to live on the island

ooh the rainbow behind them as they play

wonderful

and the soft music

this is art

moves my heart

the end

that was really nice

clean, wholesome, positive and warm

I loved it

its like mr rogers or something

and it doesn't feel like 2 hours

its also got a timeless feel as its set in the 40s

for the black stallion 2 I want the horse and kid living on an island and African pirates capture the kid to ransom him off for cash. the horse calls on sea creatures to help him and goes on adventure to rescue the kid. he can ride on mosasaurs and use them to attack ships. but the pirates have whale slaves under their control with a black magic item. so its the horse riding mosasaurs and the pirates commanding whales battling it out. oh and the horse also can summon giant squid to fight. its also a 16 bit sea faring beat em up on sega genesis and snes and Atari jaguar with players controlling various sea monsters like giant squid or mosasaurs or megalodon and fighting pirates in steam punk boats and whales and whales mutated by black magic.