Thursday, February 22, 2018

Thinner Review

note; this movie is about fat guys. no fat chix though
this is my review on thinner
its based on one of the countless stories by steven king
its got joe Mantegna from the simpsons and Daniel von bargen from Seinfeld and Malcom in the middle
it starts with credits as cas go through mist
the mist?!
lol casting by leonard finger
sounds like a p0rn0 name
the cars belong to gypsies
I don't know Any gypsies
but as a Slovenian/pole, I hear things
so the main guy is a 300lb fata55
he sez hes 297 to his woman and she makes him health shake
he as a 90s teen daughter
hes a laywer defending a mafia guy (played by joe mangetna)
so its fat tony minus da fat and added to his lawyer
he brings up a witness who makes the case for him
joey sez he owes him as they eat fatty ialiano food later
later the gypsies have set up a fair in town
at work his boss is gay for a gypsy 5kANK
1 judge talks about the bad things gypsies do
he's shown to be bad for this
the 5kaNK shows her undies and flirts with the fata55
earlier his boss said to give her a quarter to raise her skirt
and here the 5kank has a wquarter
shes got black magic powers!
later after dinner fata55's woman is doing 18+ stuff with him while driving and this gypsy jaywalks
he slams her straight back to h-ll!
theres a trial and the witnesses reveal he was sober and legal
hes found not guilty (which is true, she was jaywalking)
later the head gypsy comes outta nowhere and touches his face and sez; thinner
later he's lost 14lbs in 7 days
but hes gorging on junk food
that's like pooping out twins!
at golf he's cheerful and playful
top of da whirled mah!
at the showers the judge has a rotting on his skin
and fata55 lost 2lbs since he got up
judge sez the gypsy touched him in the rotting spot
he gave him aids!!
later fata55 lost over 40lbs in 2 weeks
his woman is worried about him and fata55 goes for tests
but everything looking good
and dr sez its gonna normalize
while out for a new suit he's lost more weight
later at home he's gorging
to quote donald trump about john Kasich; hes the most disgusting human being i've ever seen in my entire life! he eats like a slob!!
his 90s teen daughter is worried about him
he skipped lunch and instead of dropping 3lbs a day, it was 6lbs
later the dr sez its not a tapeworm
What if in Yugioh Anzu/Tea got a tapeworm (by Weevil) and had to keep eating and eating to keep from starving.
After getting it removed, her stomach has swollen from all the overeating so shes used to having a lot of food.
But w/o the tapeworm to absorb the calories, she kept getting fatter and fatter.
why do I have so many awful ideas?!
at least its not tommy Wiseau b0ning her belly button to get her pregnant
speaking of tapeworms
once when my dad was a kid, he saw a neighbor dog take a big hearty dump.
and it was FULL OF TAPEWORMS!!
it looks like a big pile of SPAGHETTI!!
man we're 30 mins in
that felt like nothing
yet not much happened
its a buncha brief scenes where we get someone doing something then on to the next
good editing
later fata55 goes to see the judge but his wife sez hes in minasota at the mayo clinic
fata55 sez theres no gypsy curses
\wife sez the gypsy touched him and sed lizard
now his skin is turning into scales
he's mutating into an abomination
man that gypsy is awful
his dark vengeance hurts not just those he THINKS wronged him
but their loved ones
collateral damage
wife goes mental at fata55 and he calls joe Mantegna about gypsys
he talks to his mom and she new gypsys in the old country
only the one who cast the spell can take it off
why not go to a priest?
our God is stronger than gypsy demons
fata55 b--ches to his wife about the gypsys saying he, judge and cop "killed the gypsy and covered it up"
she was JAYWALKING!!
she brought it on herself
if I drink bleach I cant sue the bleach company for making it nor the store for selling it
yeah he wasn't driving right but she walked into traffic!
if she was on her phone and walked out it wouldn't be his fault
it really was an accident!
this gypsy is just bitter and evil
like malcontents whining when a cop caps a crook who came at him with a knife
after a stay at the clinic he's burning over 12 000 calories a day
so at night he goes to the cop played by Daniel von bargen
his face his covered by shadow
he sez the gypsys were right and they fixed it
and he never gave fata55 a breathalyzer
even though fata55 wasn't drunk
we see cops face and its rotted
the gypsys gave him aids!
cop ants fata55 to waste the gypsy
but fata55 sez only the gypsy can fix em
cop sez gypsy probably wont do to and goes mental
fata55 leaves and denial von bargen eats his gun
btw years later after becoming very ill he tried suicide dat way
later he and his woman bicker over how its not a tapeworm or anorexia and must be the gypsys
also I think the r is b0ning his woman
later dr tries to get fata55 to go back to the clinic
but he knows its the gypsy
man days just fly by in here
the gypsy is 106
and the chick fata55 ran over was his daughter
and he came over in 1917
and is the gypsy king
and the 5kank is his great grand daughter
and married
sounds like the gypsy king is using black magic to stay alive
although Moses was like 80 when he freed the Israelites
and lead them for 40 years
later fata55 comes home and his woman and dr are plotting to legally force him to return to the clinic
he agrees
then goes off to find the gypsy
this would make a good video game
hunt the gypsy b4 you run outta weight
and doritos give u more time
u could also eat outta the trash
he asks a guy to find em who charges him 800$ to not tell his wife and dr where he is
as they put a missing reward for him
later hes at a carnival and they gypsy king guesses his weight
he mocks him and sez its going down
and the 5kank has a dolls of those they cursed as prizes
and the 5kank goes after him with a  slingshot
then his judge friend comes in looking like Beetlejuice and drives him off
they race toward the king gypsy who's not driving a truck
they crash and he wakes up
now it makes sense
he calls the judge but his wife sez judge drove into a gas truck
thats f'd
later he goes to a bar and 1 guy remembers the gypsy king
the gypsy king mocked him and his wife who bit it years ago
that man is evil
hope they crucify him
then torch it
better cast a holy spell to fight his black soul
fata55 call home and his 90s teen kid sez the drs been there a lot
probably b0ning his woman
at night he goes to the gypsys and the 5kank sez they otta kill him
gypasy king calls him the white man from town
but aint gypsys white?
he tells em the run over one ran out between 2 parked cars and this wont bring her back
king goes on a malcontent tirade about revenge or something gay
fata55 begs for his life but king treats him like cr-p
this guy is evil
fata55 gives them "the curse of the white man from town" and they all laugh at him
the 5kank shoots through his hand with a slingshot for no reason
what a b--ch
and she cals HIM a murdering bast-rd
her ancestor killed so many people but that don't count?!
later fata55 wo's now getting pretty corpsy gets joey to get him a dr to treat his hand wound
and holy cr-p theres a hole clean through his hand
so joey comes over and cares for fata55
its revealed his woman could've committed him w/o the dr
they were b0ning
he swears vengeance against his cheeting b--ch
later its night and fat55 asks if joey is gonna hurt anyone
he still cares even if these horrid gypsys are killing him
joey sez no and gives the gypsy dogs poison
nowadays they'd make him look bad for that
they're just dogs
we waste raccoons and rats
then joey pays a guy to get info on the gypsys
man joe Mantegna is bada55
and cool
bte the paid guy sez" I aint doin nothin on video"
I think hes a male h00ker
daytime the h00ker calls joey and is about to go
but the 5kank and her man get him
later they find him in a car with a warning on da car for "the white man from town"
his eyes are gone, theres a rooster in his throat and words were carved in his head
holy f--k these gypsys are evil!!
they tortured him dead and sent his mutilated corpse as a warning!!
but more people would b--ch about joey killing dogs instead of a fellow human mutilated dead
also he didn't do anything to em
all he did was talk to a guy they don't like
and they killed him horribly
oh and joey got guns
at night joey captured a gypsy and opens fire from a hill on their camp
wtf everythings blowing into fireballs!
he throws the captured guy down with a gag and ropes binging him and the gypsys shred him with gunfire
its the 5kanks husband
on his bod is a note
the whiteman from town sez take it off
later joey comes to da camp posing as an f bi agent and lures the 5kank away
he takes her to a barn and reveals he shot em up
then throws acid in her face
but its soda and baking soda
they fight and he nearly wastes her
but fata55 saves her
he gets her on the ground and b0nes her dead
really he gets her on the ground and puts a jar of acid on he face
they get away as she slowly takes it off
later fata55 meets gypsy king and king sez fata55's dreams smell bad
I knew he as evil
king gives the curse to a pie by sticking a switchblade in his hand and bleeding it into the pie
whoever eats the pie bites it quick and bad
still think fata55 should've went to a priest
he calls hs 90s teen daughter and tells her to stay at a friends place tonight
later he comes home and leaves the pie out as t pulses like the alien lair in the famicom version of contra
he cats with his woman and she sez she wasn't b0ning the dr
they get along
also she sz "oh billy" to fata55 like in midnight express
he lets her have the evil pie and goes upstairs
the next day he wakes up and his woman has rotted and bit it
he kisses her corpse like mad saulus in violence jack evil town and mocks her
I think he tastes her corpse
is he gonna eat her?
that happened in violence jack evil town too
he comes down and finds theres still pie left
his 90s teen daughter comes in and sez she didn't go pout but worked things out with mom
and she just ate the evil pie
fata55 is about to eat the pie but the dr comes in claiming to see the woman
to comfort her
fata55 gets him to eat the pie with him
the end
that was f;d
he iced the girls mom, and the girl by mistake
its a well made movie though
it goes by at good pacing
the effects and lighting are good
its got a bit of a 90s feel
and joe Mantegna is bad a55
I hear hes a nice guy irl
and he's catholic
but this movie was well made
and the gypsys being the bad guys isn't done often
usually they are the innocent victims of evil white guys
here its more how most people feel
For Thinner 2 I want Joe Mantegna to find out about fata55 biting it and blaming the gypsys. He goes after em to avenge him and starts making attacks on their camp. but the gypsy king has had enough and uses his black magic to ritual sacrifice any of his children to summon daemons which start aking over the area and eat anyone they come across except gypsys. so joe Mantegna (being catholic) goes to a priest who gives him holy armor that goives him floating and double jumping abilities and blesses his gun and bullets to make them holy and he starts taking down the gypsy daemons. also the gypsy king is revealed to be a daemon wandering the earth and in the final battle turns into a colossal phalllic monster and starts destroying the area with black magic. also its a 16 bit run and gun game on sega genesis, super Nintendo Atari jaguar and Gameboy advance like alien soldier and you have bursts of holy power that clear the area but take time to recharge

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