Friday, February 16, 2018

Mary Poppins Review

note; England s-cked!!
mary poppins
this is my review on marry poppings
ive never seen this all the way through b4
but most of us remember the simpsons ep
its by walt Disney who did good films before his company went down the toilet after he bit it
look how bad they did power rangers
I never was big on star wars but most nerds hate hwhat they did to it
so this is based on a book by some brit
I hear she hated it and had a vendetta against Disney and America for changing her book
just like nerds hating dragonball evolution
also when they did a play of it, she demanded no americans or people from the film could work on it
what a b--ch
imagine if shakespere didn't want any Japanese working on one of his plays cuz he didn't like a samurai movie based on it?
the director also did King Solomon's Mines (30s ver)
Tom Brown's School Days (my dad read me the comic)
Jane Eyre(40s ver)
Johnny Tremain (50ds ver I only know of cuz of the simpsons)
old yeller(that I reviewed)
Bedknobs and Broomsticks (sounds like a p0rn0)
and other Disney live action cr-p
so it starts with credits and nice music
it shows gaye olde englande frome the skye
man its foggy
reminds me of jack the ripper
I mean; jacke the rippere
then julie Andrews is flying in on a flying nimbus from dragonball
is she pure of heart?
dick van dyke plays like 15 instruments at the same time infront of everyone
wait, that sounds wrong
he talks in rhyme like wheelie from transformers
holy f this chick is like 3 feet tall!
its the wizard of oz!
then dick senses something
a lot of people hated his accent
I think its an improvement over cockney
if my kids were cockney i'd give em the chair
after his street show he talks to the audience and brings em to a home of an admiral in englands navy
the Japanese navy is better
I think admiral is a bit nuts from trauma from blowing people apart in war
wait, hes just stopping by the admiral
is he important to the story?
so this baby sitter quits this family for the kids being too much
I was kinda outrageous as a 90s kid
my babysitters couldn't handle me much
even my cool 90s aunt
then this brit chick sings for a while about something
shes a feminist!!
find da cure!!
if only they saw how bad that would go
the babysitter has lost the kids
back then that was funny
nowadays there'd be an alert and nation wide coverage
I assume some degenerate is gonna get em
then the admiral fires a cannon and the house shakes
1st; what a cr-ppy house to tremble fro that
2nd; wheres that cannon ball gonna go?
I assume it takes out someone in the slums
the mom is the feminist!!
no wonder the kids are f;d!!
then the dad comes back and sez its 1910
he wants things to have order and reason
then finds the kids are missing
he blames the baby sitter and calls da cops
but then a cop comes by with his kids
they were flying a kite and it got away
huh, the kids are good
and the mom is less feminist than b4
how long is this movie?
holy f its like 3 hours!
and were only like 16 mins in!
he then make a list of things the next nanny should have
he's really big on England
nowadays that would make him the bad guy
the kids wrote an advertisement (add ver tize ment) but pronounced it bad (add vert izz mint) with all these little things they want
but dad don't care and sends em to the nursery
but they're like 12!
later a buncha ugly brits come by for the nanny job and a wind blows them away
what is this?! dbz?!
then mary poppings comes in floating from the sky
just like dbz
has she mastered her ki?!
she coms in and has no references
also shes got the kids letter advertisement
dad sez he tore up the note b4
she needs every 2nd Tuesday off for some reason
and she goes to see the kids
letter a new person alone with ur kids??
nowadays that wouldn't happen
also she slides up the handrail on her a55
its like in saint Seiya where shiryu hit a waterfall and I went backwards
she gets a room right next to the kids
nowadays that wouldnt do
also her bad has infinite space and items in it
did she steal it from felix the cat?
she gets a tape measure and it sez traits on the kids instead of height
so height determines personality?
what about midgets?!
she plays a clean up game with the kids and sings about a spoonful of sugar helping medicine go down
nowadays they'd have issue with giving kids a whole spoonful of pure uncut sugar
they she uses her ki or w/e to unmessy the room by making time go backwards in some areas
wtf her reflextion moves independent of her
that's like Dracula sh-t right there yo
then doors and drawers start freakin out like in evil dead
she tells em to stop and they do
can she communicate with the ki the objects had when alive as plants and trees?
that's necromancy!
then we see dick van dyke drawing on the floor and singing
is he a hobo?
then mary poppins comes by with da kids
he sez being with mary poppins is magical or something
sounds like drugs
he does make believe like in mr rogers and acts like the circus
he talks about the places in his chalk drawings
is this Castlevania portrait or ruin!?
are they gonna go in the paintings!?
he tries jumping in the picture like in blues clues
but it don't work so mary does it right
oh and they got new clothes like in Digimon season 2
mary seems p-ssed at dick
then they go to some 2d animated place with cartoon animals
this looks infininly better than most animated cr-p today
if they can jump into images, can they go into anime?
imagine going into la blue girl and finding miko mido!
well, we can kinda do that in our dreams
they also are carries across a pond on cartoon turtles
not sure that's possible
well, they are cartoons
btw where are the kids?
probably being b0ned by the cartoon animals
dick and mary stop at a table and cartoon penguins serve em for free cuz they are gay for her
then dick raps with em a bit with names ranking girls
mary is number 1
does he mean... IN BED!?
then dick dances with the birds
and his pants are hanging low
the crotch is at the knees
he IS a rapper!!
DJ DVD in da haus!!
they keep singsing aboyt a JOLLY OLLY DAY with mary
I assume its 1910s slang for b0ning
how would the penguins know?!
then they are on a mary go round and the kids are back from who knows where
wtf they ride the skewered plastic horses off the thing and float down the road
mary makes them stop having so much fun
what a stick in the mud
then they get into a fox hunt
nowadays the animal supremacists would go on gee haad against it
not only is the fox an Irishman (a comment on brit rule) but dick saves him
then mary and homies get in a horse race
everyone sucks up to mary
is she the queen?
you know how those brits worship her shriveled a55!
then mary goes on a song about supercalibdgilsticexpialidositas
that's not a real word!
kattobingu from Yugioh zexal is more real than that!
and that actually has meaning!!
wtf she sez it backwards
sounds like a word used in spells to summon or control things
then it starts raining and the picture world melts away
so everyone in there died?!
its like in the legend of Zelda links awakening with the wind fish
later they are given medicine for "getting their feet wet"
but it tastes good
back in the 1900s medicine has cocainum in it
later the mom wants to go to downing street to "throw things at the prime minister"
is he as bad as trudeau?
the k sing the somg about supretcalifltragisticexpialisous and it p-ssed off their dad
he otta beat em
later mary and kids go out again and mary talks to a dog
nothing occult there
 go to see uncle albert who is floating from laughing too much
is this a drug reference??
dick starts laughing and he gets high too
but mary is not amused
she thinks its disgraceful
the kids get high too
she floats up like in dbgt and has a tea party in the air
they then get sad to lower themselves
wait, happy thoughts making them float?
is this peter pan?!
man, he's really busted up
mary broke him
what a b--ch
later dad comes home and don't care for his now happy kids
hes p-ssed at mary for letting the kids have fun
then goes into song about order and strictness
oh he hates the kids crazy stories about what mary did with em
she sings about making the kids into the next him
he agrees and forgets what his beef was
did she mindwipe him?
they gon go 2 da bank tomorrow
the kids are happy to go to the city
hope jack da ripper aint still around
then she sings a church like song about a hobo feeding burds
this is kinda nice actually
birds dont need people to feed em
they get lazy from being given food and not hunting or foraging for it
 next day they go out and find da burd lady
the boy wants to waste his money to feed birds
but dad prevents it
once I was at a zellers and wanted to but a 5 $ laser light toy but dad said I didn't need it and we left
i'm glad he did
I didn't need it and that would be a waste
at da bank this geezer who owns the bank sings a song about investing his coin and having compound interest
and how the bank uses the money to help build things
just like in its a wonderful life
btw I think they're trying to make investing look bad as opposed to feeding wild birds
the kids a little brat as he wants to waste it on birds
little p o s candy a55
geezer sez England stands and falls with its banks
reminds me of angel cop how the commies went after da banks
the geezer grabs the boys coin and he freaks out and makes a scene
this dominoes into everyone wanting their money outta da bank
its made to look funny but is a serious problem in real life
like showing a guy blown with dynamite in looney toons
the kids runs away and a hag tries to help em but they run
knowing England, shes a h00ker
maybe she knows jack the ripper
they run  into ick van dyke covered in chimney cr-p
is this blackface?
nowadays some malcontents would go on gee haad over it
he sez their dad is caged in the prison of working for money
that's commie talk
also he sez dad never tells his issues to others and keeps it inside
dick takes em home but mary poppins is on a day off for some reason
then d had to clean the fams chinimy
he sings about it and the boy gets sucked up the chimney
then the girl
oh and mary is there
mary and dick up up the chmney andthey look at the rooftops of the city with smoke coming out the chimneys
nowadays they'd make that look bad for some global warming cr-p
good thing its fake lol
the kid looks in a pipe and gets a face blast of what dick calls; good CLEAN soot
then they walk up a smoke stairway
wtf is going on?!
they look at the cityscape and dick sez only birds stars and chimney sweeps can see t
too bad its slums full of poors suffering and b0ning eachother dead
then they float down on jet black smoke
n on the roof all these smoked cockney guyas jump outta the chinmeys and dance to "step in time"
this is pretty well done though
sorta like brittish fiddler on the roof
man dick can move
and the back up dancers got some power rangers stuff going
btw they're dancing high on roofs above England
oh and the face blackness is gone in some shots
mary joins in the dance and spins
also we get a silhouette of guys dancing to a blue sky on chimneys
its like a sega genesis game
then admiral fires his cannon and it whizzes around like a ki blast in dbz
the Irishmen on the roof jump down the chimney and all dance inside the house
the maid; not again!!
btw they're gonna dirty the place covered in soot
breaking and entering
disturbing the peace
these Irishmen are getting the chair
dad comes in and they run and flip away like power rangers
dad asks mary to explain but she sez she never does
that's not how you talk to your employer!
especially after u f'd up his kids and they ruined his job
then the bank calls and I think they canned him
dad sings about how everythings f';d cuz of mary popins
dick is still there for some reason and sings to dad about the good mary did
dad sez its Mary's fault for getting him to take the kids to work
but dick tries to make him think otherwise
not only WAS it Mary's idea to go to bank, shje also told the kids about the birds
dick leaves and the kids say sorry and give him the coin
a lot of good that does now!
dad goes for a walk and back to da bank
are they gonna ritual sacrifice him?
his name is BANKS
and he works at the BANK?!
in 1773 the bank gave money to a tea thing to America
I think its the boston tea party
there was a run on the bank
and since then there wasn't one
until mary poping did it
they do a thing like in the 90s judge dream where they take off his items and damage em
dad snaps and sez supecalifragin;isticexpialidouies
they say its not real but dad sez bank geezer aint real
good comeback potsy
he tells bad jokes and sez hes gonna do crazy cr-p like done b4 in a film and books it
eventually geezer gets the joke and floats
the next day da fam worries he committed seppuku or jumped in da river
in a Disney movie?!
nowadays they wouldnt have dat
dad returns
oh and mary is going
dad fixed the kite and sings to em about flying a kite
this is kinda nice
they go off to do so
bank guy sez the geezer bit it laughing and is flying a kite
oh and with the geezer in h--ll theres space for a new partner
mary talks to her umbrella like its saba from power rangers (tommys sword as the white power ranger)
mary sez perfect people cant have emotion
then flies off
I assume she is some kind of genetic super soldier bred to be unable to feel or deviate from the mission and have black powers
maybe she was trained in ki to help brits go nuts
the end
that was pretty good
I enjoyed it and it has charm and upbeatness
back when Disney had majik and not cgi cr-p or live action teen shows for dinks
and I liked dick van dykes accent
its better than a regular cockney accent that cant be understood
maybe cockney accents are meant to be bad
like in japan how Goku is played by a 80 year old lady when hes a 20 year old man
for mary poppins 2 I want it to be ww1 and mary uses her black magic and ki abilities to fight the germans. but the germans and Austrians have trained a female bodybuilder in ki abilities and she can fight and counter Mary's powers. also mary is having emotional issues with being the perfect being as theres no one on her level and everyone s-cked compared to her. the appearance of this body builder ki fighter shakes her view as the ultimate life form and she has an emotional crisis. with her emotions out of control, she leaks ki and it burns across the area like lightening and wipes out her own soldiers. then its a final battle between the body builder ki chick and mary who is transformed into some grotesque phalllllic monster from her dna going misfire from her ki out of control. also its a 16 bit sega genesis and super Nintendo and Atari jaguar and Gameboy  advance game with you as either mary or the bodybuilder (who looks like sailor venus on roids and is in an neon pleather outfit like princess Daphne from dragons lair) and fight through waves of enemy troops and giant mechs as bosses or black magic users or rival fights with the other one and its sorta like alien soldier from sega.

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