Monday, February 27, 2017

Tom Thumb Review

note; not as many typoes as usual(I hope)
tom thumb
this is my review on tom thimb (1958 ver)
its got allen young from the time machine, mr ed, and ducktales
its based on the brothers grimm story
hope this don't have as much cannibalism as the rest of their tales
ooh, is by MGM
I like their cr-p
wtf peter sellers is in this
this is a brittish movie?!
but the bros grimm were german!
its like a soviet movie made in America!
wait... the other way around
I think
btw love that color
bright and vivid
I miss when tv and movies had color
btw the director of this "George pal" was the guy who did the time machine and the 7 faces of dr lao
aw gross
its widescreen
the credits are done in a story book way
then a narrator sez in da past In a hidden village was a forrest
a guy cutting down a tree hears voices
then a chick appears on the tree
this is how horror movies start
she sez not to cut it down as shes queen of the forrest
the tree is the oldest/fairest in the woods and has animals living in it
he agrees not to chop the wood
so she gives him 3 wishes and vanishes
that's a lesson kids
kill trees and a spiritual queen can grant you wishes
she comes back and sez the wishes are also his wifes
then vanishes again
so he runs home and tells his wife
but shes making dinner
and don't believe him
he has cabbage for dinner and wishes he had sausage
then a long sausage appears
he talks about how hot the queen was and his wife wishes the sausage was on his nose as punishment
what a b--ch
he uses his 3rd wish to fix his nose
she b--ches at him but stops and sez sorry
they make up
that's nice
they have a room full of toys for a kid they never had
sounds kinda disturbing
they wish for a son to love even if he was no bigger than her thumb
that night something comes to their place
this is how horror movies start
it IS the brothers grimm
the guy checks a door knocking and its a really small guy
he sez hes the guys son
he meets the woman and she sez his name is tom
then they make him a birthday cake
they make him a donut
this whole "new son having talking and full brain development and powers" thing was used by go nagai in shutendoji
the mom sings a song about finally having a kid
shes not such a b--ch after all
when tom wakes up his toys are alive and stop motion
the Chinese toy is named con fu sion
he sez tom brought them to life
isn't this how puppet master started?
tom dances to his own song
he also does acrobatics with regular items
this is pretty fun
and hes pretty good
like the flying graysons
he also draws a doodle and it comes to life and dances with him
tom then dances with Claymation things
I had an idea for a movie
a prision movie about a race war between 2 gangs
and big toys!(like fortress maximus)
and they could be part live action(midget scenes) and part stop motion(toy scenes)
in one scene this midget sneak attacks a toy and beats him up.
then the midgets arms and legs snap and more toys come out from the shadows
they put the midget in the microwave and he screams "i'll get you for thiss! you\ll all pay! my wrath will continue!! ahhghhh! (blows up in the microwave)
when the door starts opening the toys return to sleep mode
the next day tom reveals he can communicate with animals
his dad tells him not to go to da black swamp
in the background 2 bad guys notice him and want him to be part of their bank robbing scheme
they plan to play a game with marked cards against the dad
they try to get the dad to let them use tom
he sez no and they leave
meanwhile this green jeans guy talks to forest queen
they r in love and she can turn human to let them be together
she tries to drop hints how to do that but hes a male bimbo
if he kisses her she turns human
wtf his name is woody!
he goes on about kissing other girls in da past but now he's improved
I think in the real version they were b0ning
she vanishes and he talks to dad/tom
he gets dad to let tom go to da fair where hes a high rank flutist
a guy at da fair has dancing shoes hat dance on their own
the simpsons ripped his off
woody leaves his musict to check the dancing shows but they're sold out
but he has a pair in toms size
he dances sorta break dancey
the size effects are pretty good too
now they'd just use computers
the band starts up again and woody's missing
so he gets fired
tom goes onto the floor and the shoemaker sez they shoes dance as long as the music plays
the bandmaster thinks they're saying "faster" so they speed up
tom dancing on the floor with people around em is really well edited
tom kicks off the shoes and rides a red balloon
meanwhile, the bad guys are on a roof trying to break in to a place
they try using a wood to pry open the grate
how'd wood get up there?
they see tom and cap the balloon with a slingshot
they catch him as he falls and get him to go in the grate to get the gold
they say the mayor has money that belongs to the poors and need him to help em
sounds like a liberal wanting to tax da rich
and just like those liberals, they want it for themselves
tm questions em but they say "u have my word of honor" and they buy it
like liberals accepting anything the main news tells em
he goes i the grate on a rope and ties the rope to a bag of gold and he goes up
then the guards change
1 guy sez they otta wack tom
so the oher guy brings tom and they go to THE BLACK SWAMP and say "don't tell anyone"
that's what fruits who touch kids tell their victims
they give him a coin and say bye
this tom on the ground with normal things being huge to him reminds me of the legend of Zelda he minish caphe meets the forest queen and woody comes in
he looked for tom all dAY
THEY ARGUE and reveals he knew she wantshim to kiss her
he sez he's gonna kiss her whe he wants to marry her
she leaves
i guess it really is B0NING
when tom gets home dad is b--ching about woody
when tom gets in he drops the coin by mistake in the pie moms making
they send his tiny a55 to bed
in bed the Chinese toy come in and they talk
tom cant sleep so con fu sion brings in the yawning man
we get weird Claymation of a mr magoo looking guy yawning
this makes me wanna yawn
yawns are like aids; very contagious!
i had a weird idea
imagine if when we yawned It came out our a55?
oh wow
the actor of tom thumb was i west side story
and 7 brides for 7 brothers
and the haunting
the next day the cops come in looking for the jacked treasure
she gives em bread but in t is the coin
they arrest them w/o a warrant or more evidence than 1 coin
what is this? england?!
top uses toys to get outta his room
but the guys are gone
hes gotta clean the family name
he comes in to find woody singing and woody knows where to go
this is a good place to start a video game
they go to a castle and find the bad guys counting their loot
woody tries to just grab it but gets KO'ed
THEY RETURN to counting it BUT tim messes with the coins to make 1 think the other is cheating him
the "cheated" crook tries counting himself but cant count
after counting issues he busts the other crook in the head
tom wakes up woody with a candle on his foot and woody has a boss fight with the crook
but the crook wins
then the other crook wakes up and bashes his fat a55 with a metal shield
they fight
its really comical and fun and has many a55 shots
the cheeted crook keeps beating the other crooks head on the color but sees tom
he runs and they try crushing him
they catch him
imagine if they sat on him and he crzwled up their a55 and busted their guts
meanwhile toms rents are gonna get the whip for their accused crimes
no trial?
what is this?
soviet Canada?
tom bites the hand of the guy holding him and gets away
he goes up the stairs and falls into a horse water thing
the crooks leave and woody wakes up and tails em
the horse goes down the road to the village
tom is in the horses ear giving it orders
meanwhile the whipper is about to whip tom dad
but tom gets in at the last second like birth of a nation or orphans of the storm
tom outs the crooks and they get caught
1 with bad teeth gets 2 teeth broken out
they always have teeth being broken out but if you remove a bone its too much
woody kisses the queen and they go invisible
then he kisses her better and they come back
at the wedding, to kisses a toy bride on the wedding cake and it comes to life
the end
what a fun film
clean bright colorful and lovable
for tom thumb 2 i'd like for the forest queen being humanized to have a power gap in the woods and some animals go to war with other animals. the bad animals like coons and dogs ad cats and wasps are on one side and the good ones like worms and spiders and centipedes and dragonflies are on the other(oh and geese are the bad guys). tom and his toy wife are ambassadors and shes really really pregnant with toms half toy son and the bad animals wanna wack tom and blame it to the good animals to get humans on their side. they invite tom to a peace meeting but its a trap and op has to fight his way through several levels to get home and get word the bad animals must be wiped out(oh and bears are bad ones too) and tom has several magic powers and cool gadgets to get through it.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Pearl Harbor Review

note; my typing s-cked. that's ok. I hear so does this film
pearl harboir
this is my review on pearl harbor
I saw it b4 but didn't really pay attemtion
but team America had a song about it
its got that c-ck sucker ben Affleck
u s-ck ben afflectk!
its by Michael bay
his films s-ck too
it starts with 2 kids playing ww1 in a fake plane
1 of their dads flys a red plane (like the ww1 hero the red baron)
the kids play in his plane and turn it on
they kinda take off
it stops after a bit
lucky for them they don't bite it
later its ww2 and france is getting its a55 kicked
but America isn't joining n
at a air base the kids are teens or something and nearly crash into eachother in planes
is this top gun?
ben gets his a55 busted by commie a55 alec Baldwin
he sez ben is getting sent to candy a55 England to fight in the air force
but America might go in soon
the other kid now teen josh hardnett is malcontent over it
meanwhile, some girls chat about being nurses
at a medical test ben Affleck fails an eye test as he cant really read
is he inbred?
that would explain a lot
he gives a speech about how reading isn't needed to be a pilot
what if he cant read his orders and blows the wrong place?
she passes him
the nurse then gives him a needle in his a55
he asks her to dinner
she stabs his a55 again
he gets woozy as he already had that shot and falls, busting his head on a desk
good thing its empty
later he gets her champain and the cork busts his nose
then they kiss
flash dance back to her telling her homies on a train its been a few weeks and she remeets with ben
he has an origami bird
ironic if u know the story
then they go to a dance
the navy is sending em to pearl harbor
bens gf wants to b0ne him
so they go out in a boat to another boat and make out
after b0ning they go back and he reveals hes going to war
shes unhappy a guy in the military has to go to war for some reason
he tell her to not see him off as saying bye to her 1x is hard enuff
they part with forced sad music
at the train station hes on the train but she shows up
but don't see him
aw f
her name is evelyn
that's my cool 90s aunts name
in gaye olde endlande ben gets a plane from a guy just bit it
in a meeting that cripple commie f dr wants to reduce Americas forces to help the brits and soviets
irving thalburg said they were the bigger threat
a dictator dies, so does the dictatorship
but communism is harder to uproot
not that I support then nazzies
but the commies were worse
-20 is warmer than -50
meanwhile japan wants to go at America as they cut off the oil they were sending to japan
that's bad logic
we want their help so we attack them?
its like protesters trying to damage the cities and economy to make the people they elected pay attention to em
at pearl harbor someone talks about painting b00bs on planes
make em bigger sez 1 guy
are you trying to distract the foe?
good logic
the kunoichi (female ninja) wear skimpy outfits to distract their targets and foes (not a joke)
so mai Shiranui and miko mido were accurate
the admiral gets orders to send more forces away
also they bunch their plans together to make em easier to protect
that don't sound right
meanwhile, japan plans to attack pearl harbor
meanwhile, ben Affleck goes to war and gets shot down
meanwhile, cuba gooding jr boxing fights a guy
as usual, the blacker guy wins
later cuba gets his boxing wounds fixed by evelyn
hes a cook but wanted to go to war and be a man
josh hardnett talks to evelyn about ben affleck going back to h-ll
we're only 45 mins in a 3 hour movie and we get a sad moment
in America; they read Japanese communications but don't believe they are coming
at a movie(the great dictator by Charlie chaplin) they see a news reel and it has planes bustin
josh and evie freak out and leave
he tells her a story of ben Affleck trying to fly on fake wings on his arms
maybe that's how he broke his brain
then again, its not smart to try
kin of a chicken/egg thing
creationism says the chicken came st
at night josh  hardness sees evie to return a hankie
at the base the next day evie comes by and josh hardnett is malcontent over taking ben afflecks woman
he takes her on a plane ride at sun set
at night they return and b0ne
why is there a room full of white sheets in a navy base?
this gov guy sez pearl harbor is gonna get f;d but don't have good enuff evience
his superior sez no as they cant afford it
esp since f dr's new deal failed
just like that other prez's plan to fix the economy
the one after bush
meanwhile (I think) ben Affleck is saved by the frenchies from the water and returns to evie
she goes mental and has issues with this
then josh hardnett comes in and ben rolls a 20 as he somehow figures out they were b0ning
at a bar ben Affleck is ind of an a55
josh sez that ben left them to fight someone elses war and they eventually fight
kick bens candy a55!
imagine if instead of a fight it was a b0ning match and they were b0ning eachother
wait, that's MMA
the cops come and they get away and talk
the next day the Japanese attack and the gov guy gets word
they left out the part of f dr getting word of it but not doing anything as he wanted to go to war and wants America to choose to fight
theres a lot of Michael bay explosions
and the film is only half over
at least it wasn't as drawn out as titanic with over 2 hours of filler b4 getting to the ice burg
btw theres too much cgi
and its pretty cr-ppy
imagine if Michael bay did Hokuto no ken/.fist of the north star?
people exploding into blood and chunks
cuba's captian bites it and he has a quick sad moment
the Japanese planes attack the us planes and bust em
its like that level as eggman in sonic adventure 2 battle
cuba uses a big gun on em
reminds me of advance wars 2 black hole rising on gba
josh hardnett sez; I think ww2 just started
its been going on in Europe and Asian since the 30s
imagine if in outbreak with dustin Hoffman they had someone say; I think aids just started
then a boat slowly goes down
man this rips off a lot from titanic
but I like this more
a buncha guys are trapped in a sinking ship
in the real story they survived and got out after days in dark
the alleged Japanese planes attack people in da water
meanwhile f dr gets word of the attack and is surprized
way to rewrite history a55 hole
next you'll say Truman wasn't in da klan
evie nurses a guy with an open neck
ben Affleck leads a braveheart like charge with guns but most bite it
they get a few planes in the air and the Japanese planes go after em
I should mention that these japan planes were made by the guy wo the miyazaki movie "the wind rises" was about
I think
they have an air fight like in Robotech
but not as cool
the Japanese say they won and theres no need for a 3rd wave and they withdraw
the base people regroup and take toll of the shredded
then they get word that japan is gonna attack pearl harbor
in japan the guy who attacked directly says he fears this awoke America as a sleeping giant
what did ja think was gonna happen?
they get attacked and do nothing?
this is the 1940s not 2010s!
f dr gives his speech
at least hes willing to say what the attackers are
not calling it workplace violence
f dr wants to attack but they have no safe way to get them there
f dr gives a speech to his men and when hey say it cant be done get tries walking on his dead legs to show it can be done
did that really happen?
did f dr's parts work?
evie talks with ben I think about something
I'm not sure
she talks to josh hardnett and sez she loves him
dump ben Affleck
hes a candy a55
later its march and alec Baldwin gives a speech
hes gonna train em to do something
we get a montage of them learning to use the new planes
oh they're lightening the planes
alec Baldwin succeedes in doing some plane thing
later they go to attack japan
but as the return boat is going home they gotta go to china
evie uses a soldier she saved to get access to some thing for the attack
also alec badwin is going on the japan attack
is this why he was president of the film actors guild in team America?
then the Japanese are nearing so they attack em to stop em from giving aay their position
even if the planes don't have enuff fuel they choose to launch the planes
they make it off the boat an in da air
F dr gives another speech and the americans attack japan
but japan fights back
i'm acutally watching a review on angel blade as I watch this movie
bens plane runs low on fuel but they make it to land
but its japan territory
after a crash land the Japanese soldiers attack
but josh hardnett saves him and crashes
he eventually bites it in ben afflecks arms like in wings (1927) but not as good
i'd love it I his last words were; see you in h-ll ben Affleck!v ahhhhhhhhhh!(burns)
why didn't ben Affleck get an award for this?
they always give awars to actors playing mentally disabled people
ben returns with jos hardnetts body
we get an epilogue about what happened to the cast after
well, just cuba
also it has an underwater shot of the boat that went down
just like titanic
after the war ben and evie have a kid (probably josh hardnets son) and they fly
the end
wtf on Voight as in this
if he was f dr then the rednecks could b0ne his dead a55
I kinda enjoyed this
yeah ben Affleck s-cked
but its entertaining
for pearl harbor 2 'd like for japan to have taken over Russia and America and ben affleck's son is a disgruntled teen who works for the japan to stop his alleged father from stopping them. also its revealed that hes josh hardnetts son and the son blames ben for his real dad biting it as he bit it saving ben. oh and the son got surgery to turn Japanese and enhance his strength and speed with cybernetics and had built in katana blades in his body. but ben Affleck has eaten josh hardnetts body and gained the total power of 2 men and goes around fighting Japanese supporters with his combined hulking body

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Titanic Review

note; this movi is like 6 hours so theres gonna be typoes(oh and the review kinda goes on forever(like the movie))
this s my review on titanic
I only really saw it 1x b4 and dat was in da 90z
I didn't care for it
also, its like 2 vhs tapes for 1 4 hour movie
I can hold 6 hours of power rangers eps on 1 vhs in slp/ep
theres no need for it to have 2 vhs tapes
f quality
I don't care if its 240p
high def is pointless
At least on vhs its fullscreen
no awful black bars
i'm watching this on amc btw
they cut the swear words and nude scenes
btw the geezer in here was the blonde chick in the old dark house and invisible man and GROSS!
she was a commie!
I checked her wiki page
the film starts with footage trying to look like da 1910s of da titanic
then some underwater spaceship going at the sea for and finding the titanic
whats with james camerons obsession with this disaster
on myth busters he said; heres a game I like to play, if I'm captain, how many people can I save?
that's some serial killer cr-p
in an alternate reality; james cameron is an aquaman villain who sinks boats due to his obsession with the titanic
its not some romantic event
1500+ people bit it
this is like those chicks who fall in love with serial killers
the water team probes the titanic
these people are sick
they wanna look under a bed
this is how naecrophilia starts
they graverob a metal box and bring it up
inside is soggy cr-p
they wanted a diamond
btw this is widescreen
one soggy cr-p they got from it is a drawing of a blonde
meanwhile, this geezer watches tv and sees the drawing
she calls em and tells em shes the drawn woman
they bring her over and say she was 17 on the titanic
turns out the diamond was stolen from (as jerry Seinfeld would say) some gay French king(lewy) and cut into a heart shape later
the geezer was wearing it the day the totanic sank
they show her the cr-p they got from her room
thy show her cgi of how the totanic sak
that might f her up
wanna show some 80s films to a viet nam vet too?
she looks at underwater footage of the ttanic and has flashbacks and freaks out
she keeps saying its been 84 years
but that was only true in 96
and this came out in 97
then she tells her story and we get a flash back to b4 ww1
warn Austria!
we can save franz Ferdinand!
nuke the serbs!
young geezer and her mom arrive to board
so many innocent people
spoiler; most of em wont survive the week
geezer narrates how she didn't wanna go on it as its taking her back to America where she don't wanna be
she calls it a "slave ship"
but shes from the 1800s
she may have known slaves
then Leonardo decaprio plays cards and wins tickets to the titanic
the poles or w/e hes playing are p-ssed
like the malcontents when trump won
noo! we don't get what we think is good!
you c-ck suckers dodged a bullet!
its like bratty teens who got a sega genesis instead of an Atari jaguar and are whining saying "but the genesis isn't 64 bit!!"
they leave on titanic
btw theres a lot of kids on here
you sick c-ck sucker james Cameron!
real people died
and you make a romance about it
like Michael bay
making a romance movie about pearl harbor
what next? a nine 11 romance?
maybe something about gacy?
to be fair, the new birth of a nation is about a mass murderer as the good guy
and don bluth did Anastasia
f it!
stop making happy movies about horrible things!
and ed gein the musical was more of a comedy
the next day I think, the captain sez to go full speed
we get a long thing of how the speed up works
leo sees dolphins outrunning the titanis
run those butt holes over!
also; I dreamed about watching dolphons from above just b4 watching this
leo sez hes "king of da world"
he thinks hes hot sh-t
a hot steam load
at dinner the young geezer smokes
when talking with the namer of titanic she sez to read dr freud and his views on men and size
she sed he has small parts!
at least he has parts!
women dont!
leo notices young geezer and gets a b0ner
later geezer narrates how he sees her life as endless richness and its bad to her
at night the young geezer runs to the end of the boat and might jump
but we know she don't
shes alive now telling the story
also if she did suicide it would mean she killed her future kids and grand kids
why's she so mental?
did someone just b0ne her?
leo talks with her saying hes gonna jump in after her if she jumps
also the water is cold
he sez in his home country is Wisconsin they have cold winters
he goes on about falling through ice and how awful cold water is
as she climbs up she slips and he saves her a55
when the crew arrives they see her on the ground and him on top of her
but they both are clothed
if he was b0ning her theyd be nude
her fiancée is gonna b0ne leo dead for it
but she sez she slipped looking at the propellers and he saved her
her fiancée sounds like a black guy
we're 1 hour in
6 to go
they invite leo to dinner
the fiancee gives her the diamond
leo tells his backstory to young geezer
lol his name is dawson
like dawsons creek
I never saw dat show
but I knew of it
she tells leo her 1st world problems and how she dislikes her fiancée
she refuses to answer if she loves her fiancée
they have a fruity minor fight
she sees his drawings and likes em
some are kinda pedo
some are nude
he sez this 1 girl had great hands
but was a 1 legged h00ker
he has a hand fetish
after hours of talking, she wants leo to teach her to be like a man
he shows her how to spit
she s-cked at it
then her mom comes by
this is like in Seinfeld where the George was eating out of the trash or wiping off a guys windshield with newspaper
this redneck lady gives leo a suit
I assume they b0ned b4 getting into it
they have dinner
she tells the leo who everyone is
the rich are d-cks to him but he makes nice
this is racist against the rich
but they grow to like him
wait til they find out he thinks global warming is real
they men go to smoke and leo gives her a note b4 leaving
she meets him afterward and go to a party with the poors
turns out she can dance
she drinks root beer a lot and someone spills it on her
she stands on her tippy toes
that's like kung fu
I went to get my spaghetti and as I was getting it I saw the fiancée getting p-ssed at someone
the mom sez the young geezer cant see the leo anymore
turns out the geezer fam is outta cash and needs to marry into some
my grampa came to soviet Canada after the war with nothing
he worked hard and brought his wife and son over from Slovenia, bought a farm, had a buncha kids, and his kids went on to be successful
but this a55 hole cant go back to being normal
later leo tries to get into the rich area but is turned away
the next day, leo jacks a hat and jacket
the young geezer notices theres not enough life boats for everyone
leo sees her and she claims she loves the fiancée
leo sez its not a good thing for her to do
she goes back
at lunch she sees a little girl taught manners
then she goes to see leo
he has her close her eyes, stand on the front of a boat and spread her arms like a cross
she thinks she's flying
them in the front of the boat and the wind reminds me of that greta garbo film I reviewed
then they make out
back in the 90s the geezer sez that's the last time titanic saw the sun
we're 2 hours in!
this takes forever to get through
the crew whines about how the captain was going too fast and ignored the ice warning
back in the 10s young geezer and leo go to a room to have him draw her nude
she wears the diamond
she gets nude and leo gets a b0ner
he draws her on the couch after posing her
on the tv version we never see her t-ts
I bet they aint that big
if leo was most guy's he'd draw her b00bs extra large
we see a drawn nipple
that's too much for youtube
btw, shes 17
legally the same as a 9 year old
leos a child mo les ter
after he draws a nude 17 year old(which is against the law in Canada and some parts of America) she sez she didn't b0ne him
also the fiancée is looking for her
he finds em but they escape down an elevator
he follows but they escape in the boiler room
they escape to a car In the boiler room and b0ne all sweaty and greasy
the fiancée finds a note from the geezer young and a drawing of her nude
leo and her go up and say when the ship lands, shes going with him
also 2 guys watch them from above
they then notice the iceburg
they try turning and try making look like somethings gonna happen
but we KNOW what happens
thee was a cgi thing of it 3 hours ago
they hit it and it opens a hole in da boat
water gets in and they try sealing the areas and workers try to escape b4 it seals
fiancée catches her and searches leo
his jacket isn't even his and they think he jacked the diamond
the captain and crew realize they're going down
they expect it'll take 1-2 hours
that's like 1/rd as long as this film!
here is where the film should've started
the rest was filler
in batman returns on sega genesis; the game starts with the penguin icing the ice queen
meanwhile the fiancée is slappng the young geezer and a minion comes in saying; captain sez put on ur life vests
theres 2200 people on board
over 1500 bite it
I otta make a film about ted bundy and start with the 1st 75% of the film being about his neighbors being romantic and in love, then the last act is them getting eaten and b0ned by him
leo is handcuffed to a pipe in the basement
captain hears the next help arrives in 4 hours
they put the women and kids in boats 1st
but they need men to make money for da fam!
otherwise the kids and moms might have to be prostitutues
some rich guy slugs leo in the gut for his fiancée boss
eat that u candy a55!
imagine if he was b0ning him in the real version
at the life boats the mom goes on but the young geezer books it and goes back for leo
he forces a guy to take her down an elevator but he freaks out when theres water there
she goes to save him and sez she knew he didn't take it
she runs out to get help but theres no one left
she gets an axe and upon returning, the water is higher
she gets to him and he hs her practice on a desk
she chopps the handcuffs open and they leave
why not chop through the pipe?
the fiancée sez they aint letting men on and goes off
the crew are only putting 20 people into a 60 man life boat
fiancée gets cash and his rich guy homie who slugged leo has a gun
the crew is holding the men inside the boat to sink so leo gets a bench and rams the door
this seems to be what feminists want
also his homie from the poker game is back after j-rkin off in the closet the whole movie
fiancée and rich guy are gonna leave but they hear the young geezer and leo are at another boat
she gets on 1 boat and fiancé sez he and leo are going on another boat
after she leaves he sez to leo he has a way off but leo wont get it
she jumps off the boat and runs back to leo
they make out
in slo mo, fiancée pulls his rich guys gun and goes after leo and her
he wants to send em to h-ll himself
but he wastes his bullets
they get away and he realizes he put the diamond in the coat
and the coat on her
in the ship they find a wiener kid whining
they grab him and run
they find his dad and he runs
then a wall busts and water wets em
WELL that kid bit it
they get trapped behind a grate
but a guy helps em
but he drops the keys and books it
ahh! all these flashing lights
its like a seizure machine
they get out
fiancée gets his cash he bribed the guy with thrown back at him
your money cant save u anymore than it can save me
the poker buddy gets capped and someone else too
fiancée grab a kid and sez hes all she say so he gets on a lifeboat
the band stops playing and says bye
see you in h-ll wally
one guy plays and the others return
as they lay we see people in the boat waiting to sink
this is f'd up
the ship FINALLY starts going under
its about effing time!
I mean yeah the 10 commandments was a bit longer
but that took place over 120 years
I thought the captian blew his brains out
he didn't in here
the a55 end of the boat goes straight up and the young geezer realizes this is where they 1st met
the end of the circle
the boat breaks in 2 and falls
I remember getting a 3d puzzle of the titanic in da 90s
it came with a 2d puzzle of the ocean
no landmarks or animals
just waves
my bro finished it
the boat goes straight up again for some reason and starts going under
leo sez its gonna suck em under so take and deep breath
under water she loses him and floats up
I held my breath the hole time they were under water
its down!
end this sucker!
its kinda f'd how erich von stroheims epic masterpiece GREED was cut from 10 hours to 4 hours to 2 hours and lost its goodness
but this cr-p goes on forever
le and her find a wood piece and she gets on but it cant old both
so he stays in da water and she is on his wood
the confederate lady wants them in the boat to go back but the rest don't as the people will pull em under
she whines but the brit puts her in her place
eat it b--ch!
one boat decides to put its women and kids into another boat and go back
later leo is frozen like jack Nicholson in the shining
leo tells her that she's got a future and is gonna grow up to be a geezer
hes psychic
maybe hes got other powers
we get a forced tacked on moment to make us feel for these 2 c-ck suckers while hundreds of people have bit it too
later boats comes and they find no survivors
she wakes up and leo is frozen solid
use fire punch to thaw him out
she tries to call to the boat but cant talk
she snaps leo off and sez she wont let go
then dumps his frozen a55 into da ocean
wtf he sinks
but bodies and ice float
she otta say; see you I h-ll Leonardo decapreeo
she uses a whistle and they get her
back in 96 the geezer sez out of 20 boats, 1 came back and only 6 survived the water
for hours thy had nothing to do in da boats but wait
you sure you don't wanna film em in the boats for 6 hours j-rkin off?
this movie is already 4.25 hours in
what more would -9 extra hurt?
after getting saved the fiamcee survived
but she hides from him
she sed he married and was hit by the crash of 29 and ate his gun
geezer sez she never told anyone about leo until now
theres no info on leo
she sez he exists only in her memory
that's ripped off of mad mad 2 the road warrior btw
the gy who opened the save 5 hours ago whines about never getting the diamond and wasting 3years on this
then the geezer stands on the rails and drops the diamond in the water
effing dumba55
at night she is in bed and we see 20s photos of her life
she dreams of going back to the titanic and its refreshed again
and she sees all those people who bit it 80 years ago
the end
that was an ordeal!
too long!
its well made but kina hokey and forced
but its just too long
ooh, david warner was the rich guy with da gun
Kathy bates was the confederate lady
gag me with a spoon
for titanic 2 i'd like for the jewel she dropped to reach the titanic and revive Leonardo. he returns all corpsey and eaten and finds the geezer and is grossed out. but they b0ne anyway. also its revealed that the fiancée didn't suicide but got into the black arts and is able to stay young by eating babies and the jewel is what ne needs for a ritual to gain full black powers.