Sunday, November 28, 2021

The Mysterious Island Review

 note; i spell el mystrioso

The Mysterious Island

This is my review on the mysterious island from the distant future year of 1929 (100 years befroe the 2nd robotech war and Shadow of the Ninja on NES)

Its based on a book by Jules Verne who did a lot of good cr-p

holy cr-p its directed by Benjamin Christensen who did Mockery with Lon Chaney and Haxan.

It stsars Lionel Barrymore from Captains Courageous and Its A Wonfdderful Life, Jacqueline Gadsden from West Of Zanzibar, Lloyd Hughes from The Sea Hawk and The Lost World, Montagu Love from Son of Monte Cristo, The Man in the Iron Mask, The Adventures of Robin Hood, The Wind and The King Of Kings, Harry Gribbon from Ther CameraMAN AND sHOW pEOPLE, Snitz Edwards from The Phantom of the Opera, Gibson Gowland from Birth of a Nation and Greed, Karl Dane frm The Scarlet Letter, La Boheme, Thge Big Parade, Bardelys the Magnificent, The Red Mill and The Big House, Angelo Rossitto from The Viking, Freakds, A Midsummer Night's Dream and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Pauline Starke from Intolerance and the 20s Dante's Inferno, Harry Tenbrook from King Kong, 20,000 Years in Sing Sing, Son of Kong, Mary of Scotland, nherit the Wind, The Quiet Man, The Ghost of Frankenstein, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and Stagecoach, Robert McKim from The Mark Of Zorro and some 1800s ghomies i never saw in anything

I saw this long ago and thought it was good

it originally had talking scenes and color but this is the b/w version

so after credits and it says its directed by Lucien Hubbard who did writings of films, we get text saying its about men and underwter things  and is in the kingdom of hetvia by the sea

we get shots of people as raging water being oppressed and a guy gives a speech to the pesents who scatter as the horse cops come in

seeing how the ussr and france went when the people rose up, maybe its for the best

by the coast is andre dakkars island base thats guarded and has workers making metal

in an underground water lab these guys talk about this new invention that lets em go under water deep that seems like going to h e double soviet calivornia

the whole island is an underwater volcano and this science nerd describes how that works with cold sea water and hot lavam amiing a new thing no one ever saw

this part is talkie btw and the suit guy sez in a 1 month a revolution will happen and he can become king

oh i just cant wait to be king!

science guy just wants to make sh-t and be free and he's andre dakkar and friends with the wanna be king

then they see this thing in the water and get it out and dakkar explains to kinger theres current that brings water from the sea floor and claims life began in water

even though Creation Science hjas disproven the lie of evolution

so dakkar thinks theres an offshoot in the sea that evolved inder water into sea people

this is some go nagai sh-t man

so he sez theres under water people like eternal champions that are mermaids and watert things and he has proof from the sh-t that comes from the bottom of the sea

Wasn't there an Eternal Champions guy in the sea from Atlantis?

Or Aqua Man in DC?

But actually in REAL life therea sighting of sea things lie u fo's but in the ocean

and stories of things seen in the bermuda trianbgle and the devils sea of Japan(Whisch is on the opposite side of the planet)

so dakkar has skeleton parts of the seaz monkies and they might have cities and its brain is comparable to man in skull shape

and the boen that came up is the jaw bone

and dakkar wants to explore the ocean with this thing he was making in his hidden lab that can go under water and return

its got weapons as they aren't f--king stoopid like in 2001 a space odyssey and go off to the unknown unarmed

kinger wants to use this sea ship to conquer the world as he's the bad guy i guess, but dakkar only wants to use it for science

so we getta montage of the ship being made and the compressed air manifold is dropped and might be f'd

without it they cant go back up so they test it under pressure and this part is silent now

this chick is a countess and is in the lab interested in the ship and ins into this guy nikolai who her and her brother owe a lot to him

so threy put the compressed air thing in and are waiting for the baron before the launch

the baron comes in on horse cart and  goes to see countess who just slipped onto nikolai and they had a romantic moment

he sees em smnooching and sez on behalf of his friend, her bro, he's gonna protect her from nikolai's advances

nicky sez sorry and baron wantrs his a55 whipped but this guy he orders sez on the island; all men are equal

baron b--ches of the sister of count dakkar and a common man being in love and the guy sez he'd talk to nicky

baron goes with countess and guy comforts nikki, then the workers finish the ship and its ready to launch and nikki talks to the guy who is count dakkar and wants to go in his place as pilot

its just a test to go 100 feet  but if anything goes wrong, they won't lose dakkar and dakkar consents to show he trusts him as a friend

Nicky then kisses countess, named Sonia like the Mortal Kombat chick, and he and the crew  go in the undersea ship and have a silent moment for prayer

the ship launches and we get a good miniatuire shot of it goiung in the water, then theres shopts of the machinbery going and people at stations

it goes undr water and they open a metal thing over a glass window and look around under da sea to look at fish

at the island; dakkar sez to baron he can communicate woith the ship in the ocean and reveals a communicator like a power rangers thing that he eventually uses to talk to the other unit on the sub

this part is talkie and the ship sez its 230 feet deep and baron, who doubted it copul;d work, is impressed

there's a 2nd ship if the 1st works but all these horsemen ride in and 1 guy working for them in the castle lets em in

dakkar realises baroin brought them over and they come in and waste a buncxha guys with rifles

countess sonja escapes to her room and lockds the door but guys are on it so she gets something with a hidden safe and closes it b4 they come in

the commies artrest sonja and baron mordo wants to capture the ship when it surfacves

dakkar is caught and they want his secret papers but he sez he dont have em

so the ship rteturns and nikki comes out and is fireed on by snipers so he escapes before becoming j fk 0

the snipers get on the ship but it goes down and they jump off

dakkar is being tortuired with rope trying his legs to a wood thing between em and baron comes in and sez that wont work

dakksar wants revenge and baron has then tie up and tighten the ropes on ther legs of sonja as she sez she won't tell

imagine if they forcefed her to make her a fat load and used that to make him talk?

dakkar tells her to talk but she dont and bites it somehow

wait, she jusat almost bit it and they bring her in and upstairs

if this were made in japan thewy'd be b0ning her

they take away dakkar as he laughs and baron checks her out as a guy is behind the curtains in the room

underwater these on the ship guys go out in sea suits ands come in a hidden area on the island through hidden passages

1 guy strangles the guasrd of dakkar and takes him and 1 suit guy looks for sonja and finds the guy behind the curtains who sez what happpened

he sez to find where sonja is and he's gonna be back and they return to ther ship and take off their suits

dakkar is with em and was in a suit and wants to ice baron who's named falon like jimmy fallon

but baron took sonja and suddenly; they get word on the communicator from sonja whjo sez she escaped  and tells em to come for her at midknight by the rocks

then its midknight and jimmy baron fallon is ready with his goons at that spot and reveals he toryured this blonde with the leg rropes to send the message

the shhip arises rodimus prime and they use a  view screen to see sonmja on the rocks

they get a team with weapons ready and sonja is ties to a thing and yellling for them to not come as its a trapo

the baddz fire on the ship and it starts getting f'd in a cool scene with minisaatires

it goes under and 1 guy, i think mcteague from greed, comes in sand frees soinja and sez the crew of the 2nd ship are on board but under guard

if they capture it, they can get to the sea floor and get the diving suits

mcteague and sonja sneak around and he takes out a guy but more guys come and he hides her and hides in the shsadows and pup[pets the guard he just nailed

they don't notice and he gets her and get to the 2df 2 but are seen as he's getting in after her and he fights em off and gets in

then jumps the guard inside and more guards come in and a fight breaks out with mcteague gewtting capped

he sez to close the thing and turn on number 4 and baron gets on and the ship launches

mcteague bites it, but hes ok, he just needs some rest, theres a hospital planet nearby

sonja takes a grenada and is gonna blow em all to h-ll but nails the pressure thing

i guess they're gonna asplode or inmmplode now from the pressure change and poop out their guts like in Men Behind The Sun 01

the air compressor is f'd and they can't rise again as they can't puut air in the tanks

as ship 1 sinks it starts to deal with water prressure and water starts coming in

tthey got 12 hours of light and air and they don't know how deep they are

they think they are gonna spend their their last hours seeing rthing no man hasd seen, including the sea people 

they saee this huge crab thing that is designed to survive under dep pressure and if it was higher it would asplode from anti pressure

then they land in a cool area that only silent films do and see sea guys

the air people close the window to the sea people and thousands o sea guys stsart pulling the ship around

thety oipen the blinds and see a roman slave ship that ben hur probably esacaped fromthe air people think the sea guys are gonna attack and they usse a battering ram with a sheep head on the ship

they cant torpedo or it would send the ship back from recoil and then this sea lizard cpomes up and preys on the sea guys who flee

its done with a lizsard with a sail and horn put on it

the air people watch the lizard and fire a t\orpedo at it to ice it

they get the meta suits to handle the pressure and pressureize the ship area to equal the water pressure and they go out

meanwhile, the 2nd ship is moving around on the bvottom and fnds the other ship and the sea guyss

sonja makes a deal with baron to go there and get the air compressor to fix this ship and batron has her go with barons minions

ship 1 guys meet the sea guyus and see ship 2 and ship 2 guys go out and reiunite with the ship 1 team

they talk i tbink and baron meets dakkkar and they have a robotic fight

death match! duel on the sea floor!

barion gets a spear in his face through the helmet and his blood leaks out

as the sea monkeys dont know what it is; they spazz out anfd unleash their homie; a gionormus octopus, but the title cards call it a "slugish creature"

ship 1 is almost outta air and som,e guys go in, take off their suits,its nikki and sonja, and make out

tthey get the compressor and the octops comes for em with a cool shot of it asbove thje sea guys

they get back in their suits and i tjhink they are the only survivors as the sea chimps have icesd the other suits

they return to the ship with the sea midgets comming for em and some other guys have survived

the sea monsters come in up to their necks but return and look freaky as h-ll

this sea octopus is bigger than the ship and its tentaclers come in and grab the guys, even though theuy are too small betweenm shots to be that big, and ice a guy or 2

its on the ship and they insatal the air compressor and the sea octopus in on the ship

the ship takes off annd the octopedo falls off and they ascend

meanwhilew; barons forces have captured the island and his menb are partying and b0ning like in The Ten Commandments with the Gold Cow

the suit guys return and the woprkers are armed and fighting back

nikki sez they are his prisdoners and they win but then dakkar sez everyone has to get out of the shipyard before sunset or gets executed

the people escape and a busted up dakkar sez he's biting it but don't wanna be remembered as a guy who made a killing machine and the buildings on the island start popping and burning

he dont want another diving ship made so hes gonna sink it with him in it as a grave

he wishes happiness to sonja and nikki and is carried into his ship and drives it down

kindda like how in Godzilla 01 the guy went out wuith the Oxygen Destroyer

the end

that was pretty good

nice half talkie with good effects and story

good references to real dangers like sea daemons and communism

i never read the book and hear the 60s movie is good but this was o youtube and is probably public domain 

good twists and feels and its based on Captaiin Nemo's origin story, even though dakkasr bites it at the end, although we dont see him bite it so he could still be alive

I like how it used science like wayter pressure that is pretty much ignored in later things like Transformers

Its pretty good and is an interesting film to see

For The Mysterious Island 2 I want it to be years later and nikolai and sonia are married and have a kid, but get a message from the communicator of the ship dakkar went on saying how to make a new ship and where to meet him. they do it but find its a trap and the sea guys have used their evil tech to manipulate the body of dakkar and read his memories in his brain so they could make a new ship designed by their experts so they can use it to take on the surface! Nikki and Sonia and their teen son also have been working on things anmd made undersea power suits that let them fights better and turn into mini sea crafts to fight the undeersea things and try to keep the ship out of the sea guys hands (who are revealed to actually be daemons and their tech is actually daemon magic). Its also a 128 bit game like Robotech Batttlecry on Sega Dreamcast, GameCube, PS2 and Xbox where you play as nikki, sonja or the teen and each has their own abilities to do different missions and take on their bases and factories and just take em down so they don't get us.

Saturday, November 27, 2021

Astro Boy Review

 Note: I spell Fturie

Astro Boy

This ids my revierw on Astro Boy from the distant future year of 2009 (The year of the 1st Robotech War and a Year before Transformers Season 3 in Japan)

Its based on a Comic Manga by Osamu Tezuka kinda invented Maanga and inspired Go Nagai to do his weird sexy violent sh-t we love

It was directed by David Bowers who did Flushed Awau and the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies

This was the last film by Imagi Animation Studios as this film didn't do well and they f--ked out

I saw this before and thought it was a decent TVPG American movie that gets some of what Astro Boy made

I watched a few eps of the 2003 series, Read a few volumes of the Manga, and played the Treaure and Sega GBA game that is really great

It stars Freddie HighMore before he killed those guys at Bates Motel and got devolved by a flu shot in The Good Doctor, Nicholas Cage from Valley Girl, Kristen Bell from The Disaster Artist, Samuel L Jackson(who sez under a dozen woprds in here) from Snakes on a Plane, Matt Luicas from Tim Burtons Alice in Wonderland, Eugene Levy from American Pie, Bill Nighy from Pirates of tyhe Carribean, Donald Sutherland from those Keifer Sutherland Movies, Nathan Lane from Titan A E, Charlize Theron from Mad Max 4, Moises Arias from the 2016 Ben Hur, Alan Tudyk from Wreck-It Ralph, David Alan Grier from Jumanji and the 2000 Rocky and Bullwinkle and Little Man, Madeline Carroll from Resident Evil: Extinction, Dee Bradley Baker from a bunch of 90s and 00s toons, Elle Fanning from that SVU eop with the psycho kids, and a bunch of other guys i never heard of.

so after a few logoes, we get the title, then nasmes of the actors in an energy thing to epic music

a narrator sez they live in metro city that flies in the sky as a century ago the founders lifted it to the sky to avoidthe cr-ppy earth

now they got robots caring for people like 1800s slaves and apartgently there are nanomachines they put into peole to tune em up

its like wall e but less hippie

so dr tenma is the main robot doing guy and his son toby and his class watch this intro video as a school thing

after robots are busted they throw em off the city to the cursed earth, and somehow make more out of metal that i guess is made of the air like in FMA or Cutey Honey

its not really explained

so they have a pop quiz and tobyu finishes fast as hes the good dr and his x men power lets him see beyond

teacher lets him go home as hes a genious and aced his test and wtf hes in high school?! wasn't astro boy like a kid?

so he goes in da car and holo skypes his dad who wants him to not get lazy just cuz hres the best in class

wtf, moustachio is the teacher?!

well, better than him not being in the movie at all

btw, i like how they went with moustachio like the dark horse translated manga, as his japanese name is a face hair pun and they just adapted it instead of leaving it a blank for americanoes

also tenma(like yakko tnema in yugioh R who had the wicked gods?!) can't take toby to the science thing as the president needs him for the unveiling of "the peacekeeper" (like fascape?!)

toby rewires the driver robo to take him to the ministy of science and tenma says to the president (who looks like a general, is this a dictatorship? is he saddam?) that dr elephun dont want his invention used for military cr-p but prez don't care

toby comes in and the guards catch him, and prez sez to let toby come in, but has him takes away when he reveals hes a smarta55

elephun(don't yuo mean oshay/ochanomizu?) gives a presentation of this star piece that came from space and it makes blue core energy(;like ssblue?!) thats stronger than nucular power

if used well, it can change the world(jonetsu taua sazu ni) and fix the f'd up world

prez dont like dr elephun and dr e sez when they got the positive blue energy, it left negative red energy(like the dragonballs in dbgt!?) that they need to find a way to fafely get rid of

the troopps come in and nearly bring the blue/red cores together (a good and evil force split apart, like piccolo and kami in dbz?!) or it'll waste everyone

prez comes in and wants to give the people a reason to re elect him and elephun don't like it

tobyis thrown in a room but fakes being freaked out of small places like storm in x emn to swipe his key card

tenma sez they can't do research w/o military funding, whiuch makes me wonder, what are they defending against? They seem to be the only city and have a utopia, is it like how the Swiss have a high trained army but haven't fouyght in generations?

toby gets out and prez puts the red core in the defence robo  as he likes its violence and the robot fights hover bots to show its power

toby gets in and sneaks around and the defecne robo equoips the drones to it and uses them as weapons like venom in the ultimate spider man cartoon

the robot charges at them but tenma seals the area with glass (or see through aluminum?)and it bounces off it and damagers the things holding it

toby is behind the glass and toby can't get out and tenmmy sez he's gonna save him

then the defence robo unleashes the red core power to try to break the gundam proof glass and vaporizes toby

he's dead and probaably went to h-ll as he wasn't baptized

robo absorbs the glass anmd the troops fire at it but it does diddly d0ng and dr e hero uses a cable oif blue power to stab it and stop it

tenma finds all he has left of his son is his hat and sees its all his fault

he pulls out a jack knife from his boot and plunges it into his gut, then twists it as a seppuku to atone for his sins

jk really he makes a new sopn outta robot things and uses a hair from toby's hat that somehow survived to get his memories into it

isnt this what happened in pet semetary?

dr e comes by and talks with a dr who's a cameo by Osamu Tezuka who sez tenma hasn''t eate or slept in days and went nuts, but dr e undersatands as he kinda iced his son and if ur sane after that; you have no soul

so tenma is going nick cage nuts and gives it a kind of skin, but no man parts, and dr e gives him the blue core and he puts it where the heart should be

then charges the robot with electricioty  and f's the lab and comes to life thinking its toby

he walks all f'd like Bambi and tenma takes him home to be his son

btw beyblade season 2 ripped it off with zeo

so later toby wakes up (did he dream of electric sheep?) and the robot he reprogrammed is surprised toby is alive and kinda freaked out (does a machine like you ever experience fear?!)

tenma sez hes teaching toby now and putting him 1st

btw that robot seems to have a personality and semi free will like in Mega Man X

toby does math and makes a cartoon of a cowboy singing of math which displeases tenmazinger(if they make a pegasus equip for Mazinger Z: that's its name)

so tenma shows toby these philosophy books that college nerds read that he read to toby as a kid like its big bang theory but not about poop and b0ning

tenma leaves and toby reads da vinci's art and makes flying machinesthat somehow work

also he puts his hat on the robo slave whos impressd but it knocks stuff a bit

tenma comes in and is p-sssed at toby for making the paper into origami da vinci and that robo slave wears tobys hat at a robot shouldnt be wearing it

tenma is unstable and tells toby to go to his room and calls dr e saying how he cant accept new toby as toby as it just reminds him of toby being dead

so what what tenma gonna do about all the people who saw toby die?

the prez sed toby could see the defence robot on the news like everyone else, so i assume it was filmed

plus if it was covered up, the scientists and soldiers would know and probably tell their fams

what if toby's school friends saw him?

was everyone gonna just pretend that this toby is the real one when they know the real one bit it?

so these cleaning robots joke about tony's hair and he hears them and goes out to confont em but falls

but he has rocket feet and kinda takes it well as he flys around town and bumps the city to get used to his powers like in nami sos how nami koishikawa learns to fly easy

he goes through the clouds like some kind of miyazaki thing and digs through this mountain and pops out the top

why is there a mountain in a flying city?!

so prez is not getting why his approval rating are low and hears theres an unknown thing that he hopes is the surface people he can go to war with

but its blue core energy that elephun said the blue core was destroyed an he sends his units after it

shin toby robo gets home and hears tenma telling dr e to deractivate new toby as he can't stand to look at him

toby asks wtf and after dr e sez tobys not human, toby sez he knows after digging through rock and asks why tenma dont love him anymore

tenma knows toby is just a copy and not his son and dont weant him anymore

is this a pro life thing about how chicks get pregnant and change their minds later?

dr e comforts him and sez everyone has a destiny and not toby flys off and looks at hsi hands with x ray eyes

then the gov finds him and he flees as they chase and try lime green goo to catch em

oh and moustachio proposes to his gf

toby bends their guns but is caught in the goo strands but flies off and drags em til they get stuck between 2 buoldings

1 guy falls and toby saves him and prez sez to send in the spirit of freedom to bust the bot and collect the core

the army guys run but this huge ship comes and blasts toby around until he falls off the city and to the surface

prez declares a state of emergency until they find tenma's boy bot

toby wakes up in the scrap heap and finds all these broken bots who invite him to join em as "one of us! one of us!"(no gooble gobble)

more scrap bots fall on him and he sees he's in this violence jack wasteland of dead robots

a dog garbage can bot comes out and he follows it to a big a55 hole thsat the dog pushes him into and it traps him in a net

these wasteland kids are gonna harvest him but think hes a fellow kid and dont but also dont like the sky city people for being wasteful

btw wasteland kids fighting to survive? is this violence jack?

and slum surface and sky paradice? like battle angel alita?

the kids introduce themselfes to him, and thse robots capture him and take him to their base where they are a "liberation force" that saved him from the human enslavement

they referemce the azamov laws that a robot can't harm a perdson and wanna liberate robots by any means

he sez his name is toby and they wanna gove him a better one like astro

they wanna overthow this guy called hamegg  and use him as an example to make people free robots

but cant harm him as robot laws, so they are gonna feather tickle him, which is a fetish for some people

its like how kids shows cant have guns or characters getting iced or blood anymore

loook how they devolved dragon ball with super

then the chick who leads the wasteland kids (like Mitsuko Yagyu in that Harenchi Gakuen chapter of Violence Jack) busts in and pins a robot to get back toby

robot (named sparked like that guy in robotech) is gonna say yoby is a ropbot but toby pins him ona  wall and sez hes an undercover robot from the city

he sez they aint doing harm and lets em live and he sez his name is astro

meanwhile, the prez arrests dr e and wants the core back saying they are in an arms race with the surface

prez wants tenma to get the core and tenma agrees he's get the  the core

btw this is really widescreen and on a rral tv would have liek half the screen being black bard

the kids take astro back to their home which is kinda like the base in terminator 1 and has kids pplaying like in the 21st ninja turtles movie

they work fort hammegg who does things with robots and used to live in the city and sez he loves robots and fixing them

yoby asks if hes into enslaving robotds and he denies it and acts like a nice guy who cares for the kids and has them have thrown out pizza 

toby nearly admits to beign a robot when asked about his rents but they just think the emans they're ion h-ll and they are all like thast

later hamegg sez to toboi that he was up there with tenma in the minsitry of scinece and was throws away by those who feared him and is nice to tobio

the dog garbage bot wants toby to come out but he dont wanna

the next day or w/e the kids take him to this green hills zone and say hammegg takes robots for his games to put on a show and the dog writes "hes a robot" and an arrow to toby but the kid who sees it cant read

thats pretty good actually

oh and the whole "thwrown out robots helping the throw out robot bot" was used in A I Artificial Intelligence, which also had a robot trying to replace a son

tobi finds a century old construction robot that the kids think isn't any good and tobu goes in and knows it still finctions

he x ray eyes it and powers it with his blue core zapping ki into it

hamegg trains a robot to box and fight dirty with crotch shots and thumb digs

then the century bot crushed it and tobyu sez he kicked it like a vending machine

hamegg uses a power level reader to see the century bot called zog has enough power to run a city and the detector reads a lot near astro i mean toby

then a cleaning montage to"we are young, we are free"

why not use 50s or 60s music liek the time period the series is made?

the chick falls off and toby saves her but she is confused how he did

at night tobu throws the wrench to play fetch with garbage dog and it goes likesa  mile out

then he talks with chick about how she wants to call the city but her phone dont work

toby fixes it with his cyber ki andshe callsand sez to the machine she misses her parents who are up there

they have a moment and he almost tells her his secret about how hes a robot but dont

later the robot revolution guys sneak around inboxes, 1 with a 9000 on it, and hamegg and kids come by them on the zog

chick sez the robots fight til 1 bbreaks and tobny is shocked as he thought it was just a contest

hamegg sez they are just items and dont have real feelings so and he zaps toby with a lightening wand he jacked from tenma long ago

hamegg reveals toby is a robot and sends him into the ring as astro boy and sez its really a robot and lies that astro talked sh-t about the peoples robots

a saw hands robot comes out and astro dont fight but just dodges but hsi stunned by jhitting the forcefield ceiling

he carys the robot up and its head pops on the ceiling

then a small cutsey one comes out and transforms into 2 power bots but astro gets em to bust each other

so hamegg sends an army of sm dressed bots and the robot liberatin comies come in to help with their feather

its instantly burned and astro fights em off with punches and kicks and spinning around liek a whirlwind

the crowd loves him but the chick dont and the prez's group locates the blue core

hamegg brings out zog and astro dont wanna fight

zog pats his head and lifts him up and hameggs zaps em as he dont think robot rights matter and zog turns on hamegg

hameghg sez robot laws were around for 50 years but this robot sez he's oldschool and stomps on him

he splatters like a plate of cherry jellow hit the ground and the crowd runs to devour their 1st fresh meat they had in years

jk astro saves him by hlding the foot up

then the army comes in to get astro but zog trys to stop em by eating em with his hands

astro stops him and goes with them as he's given up on life

garbage dog boty bites a soldiers leg, which i guess dont hurt him as he dont seem to feel pain, and wont break the robot laws, but is shook off

a news thing says the prez's approval rating hit a new low as he missed a debate with the opposing side and prez is gonnma start a war with the surface to get reelected

prez wants to have dr e and tenma take apart astro and dr e trys comforting him, but toby sez he tried to fit in but didnt

prez dont care as tonbys a machine and tenma agrees but sez sorry as he takes out the core

astro sez sorry for not being a better toby and powers off and tenmma gives the core to prez

donald sutherland is a cr-ppy president, but then again, kinda so was kiefer in desegnated survivor

tenma then sez if prez wants the core, they gotta ice him, takes it back but dfr e takes it saying he made it

but tenma somehow got it and closes the, aparently now fixed, glass wall and reinstals it into toby

prez takes dr e's card and opens it and tenma sez astro may nnot be toby, but he;s still his son, which never happened in the books and tenma was kind of the bad guy, or at least a magneto enemy

toby awakes and gluys through the ceiling and flies off and prez wants dr e and tenma shot for treason, but dont do it himself as he's a james bond bad guy now

prez gets the red core and sez in positive vs negative, the negative wins, as seen with human history, and puts it in the poeacekeeper defence robo

he tells it to ice astro and brign back the blue core, even thoguh he was pretty focus ed on the red one at the start and i'm not sure why he wants the blue one, and the robot sucks him in and his mind is in command of the robot not

it starts sucking metal to it and busts out of the buolding for his speech and everyone runs

the military attacks prez bot and astro meets the cleaning bots who ditched society as humans aint wortj it, like a lot of internet dinks

astro sees the ciuty attack and goes back and the cleaning bots return as robot laws dfo this

the prez bot has absorbed the ship that busted astro bf as its arm  and is giant and fights astro who has arms turn to guns

on the surface hamegg is skipping town but zog takes him off and the kids drive his car as they know how to drive

prezbot eats the city and gets bigger like blue fizz in contra and astro fight him but is grabbed

his buttcheeks have machiune guns that get him free by popoing an eye and prezbot nails him with a metal thing and is gonna stomp him

but the kids save him nd garbage can dog bot drivecs em away

tthe city is going down but astro slows it by flying unfder it and holding it up with his boosters like optimus priimal did in that ep of beast wars

the city lands and the robot liberation dinks say they can attack a monster like prezbot but run seeing its too much

astro attacks and beats on him kinda like bebi vegeta vs ss4 goku but prezbot trus to absorb astro into da core

it dont work and astro ejects and tenma sez the red and blue cores ant combine and if they get too close; both bite it

prezbot grabs the kids car and intterrogates em obn where astro is and astro sez bye to tenma as he has his destiny and flies into the red cora and has flashbacks of the movie we just saw

pprezbot drobs the car which flies off and asplodes as purple light streams out

prez comes out ok and acts like a kid firing lazers at the crowd, showimg he was gonna shoot up the place if he could, but is taken away arrested

the kids find astro anbndf hes rippec apart wit his circuits and gears hanging out like organs and purple fluid spilling out everywhere in a pool like blood

jk really he's a bit dirty and has arm joint damage

dr e sez astro had more humanity than any of em and he can't fix astro as his blue core was one of a kind and is outta juice

chick is bummed and zog comes over and gives astro the blue ki to rrevive him and somehow it fixes his arm damage

astro hugs temna and zog and the chick and dr e sez astro found his place in the world as a hero

chick's parents find her and are glad to have her and the robot revolution makers 1 appeaRENCE

tenma gives his slave bot the day off and says to call him bill(when it should be Umataro)

then this alien tentacle 1 eyed monster attacks and astro flies up and punches it

the end

wtf it sez tezuma osamu

thats the japanese way

but overall i liked this more than other films

its like an hour and a half and goes by at a good pace

it adapts the original character designs pretty well for 3d and has good animation

it kept in tobi getting ioced and never brings him back

the characters were adapted pretty well and it had some humor and political message like Tezuka often had

it even had a Tezuka Cameo

the acting and music were good and freddie highmore does pretty well in here as usual

good twists and message about robot slaves and friendship

good way of it comimngh together with the energy he gave zog reviving him, like in dbgt how goku helped the universe and they returned the favor in the end

he sewed good and reaped good

i don't see why this didn't do well, its a good movie

then again; john carpenters the thing didn't do well and that was epic

yeah the ending kinda came from nowhere, but the incredibles did that too, and mortal kombat, so it works

its pretty clean and wholesome and tells a nice tvy7 story

For Astro Boy 2 I want the space thing atttacking to beat astro and blows apart zog. then itcuts to years later where the aliens have taken over and enslaved the people, but a resistance is growing and hamegg works with elephun and tenma to upgrade astro to make him the ultimate robo.  astro wakes up years after beiing beat and has to take the fight to the aliens. also its a 32 bit sega saturn, n64, ps1, 3do and gba game where you play as astro and face the aliens in variopus game styles like beaty em up, 1 on 1 fightys, and shmups.

Wednesday, November 24, 2021

Attack Of The Crab Monsters Review

 Noye: I spell aquatic

Attack Of The Crab Monsters

This is my review on Attack of the Crab Monsters from the distanet future year of 1957 (50 yearsa before the creatures we engeneered to eat had turned on us in Son and Punishment on N64)

Its directed by the most excellent Roger Corman who knew how to make entertsaining films

it stars Russell Johnson from Giligans Island, IUT came from outer space, and Robotech II The Sentinels, Leslie Bradley from The Conquerer and the 40s Anne Karenina, Mel Welles from Little Shop of Horrors and The X From Outer Space and Chopping Mall, Carles B Grifith from Eating rAUL and Barbarella, and some 20s guys I never heard of

I never saw this b4 but Roger Corman is always good

So it starts right away with credits, title and dramatic music to drawn images of sea life

its like thaRT GRINCH thing of his halloweenn special

then narrator reads The Bible of The Lord destroying the man and animals on Earth as fdootage of clouds

then this boat of guys comes to this island and say its unwelcoming

this is in B/W and has proper fullscreen without black bars

the people are hear to find some people who might be iced and go around exploring

then a 2nd boat comes but a guy falls in the water and its somehowe deep despite being next to the beach

this sea thing gets him abnd they get his body and these demolition men talk about how they dont like being here with a body

the guy in the water had his head eated and the crew is gonna take him back but the weather is f'd and theres no animal sounds

they are in this cabin that was fixed up recent and the research guys they came to see what happened to vanished w/o any evidence

so the sea males bring the dy no mite back from the cabin they brougfht by mistake and theres a pounding and shaking and the rocvks avalanche

oh and the science nerds are out too

but the only REAL science in Creation Science

the sea boys go back and will return in a 1 month and the demolition guys say there was a nuke test nearby and the nucuular sh-t went by trhis area

and the sciemce nerds are here to check on it like the missing nerds was

so the teams watch the plane taker off asnd somethiung happens

lsater they try the radio as i guess the plane got iced and they can't reach the base on the rtradio cuz of da storm

1 nerd mans the radio and the rest listen to the past teams notes on audio tape which say they found huge pieces of some creature

da journal emnds and i think the report said they found a 5 foot worm

the island quakes a bit and later 1 nerd puts a blanket over these animals in a cage

the nerds talk about why the tape ended mid sentence like its the sopranmoes asnd they wonder why theres no bugs on here

they near a thing and go out but find its the wiind making a branch hit the house

then its day and a guy goes scuba diving and this big a55 manta comes by

but those are harml;ress and he finds a rock thing on the floor

another diver comers by and they go by a boat on the sea flore and find something

they return to the air world and she sez she used a big blak rock as a landmarek but it vanisdhed

they are brought by the team to a 50 foot deep pit and its gfot nothing but land crabs

1 guy wants to go in it but it could cave in

the cloth or w/e the chick found in the ship is burned

at night the chivk hears a guys voice calling for help kinda monotone and she goes out and finds another nerd saying he heard it too

she tthinks the guy who's voice she heard  is in h-ll and guy goes in the 50 foot pit

the island shakes, she blax out and something happens to the guy on the rope

later guys come by and she sez hes in the pit and he calls opuit saying his legs f;d

1 nerd sez the caves lead to the pit as both were made from below

thery split off to save him but on the way there meert the demo guys why said the islands f--king apart

1 nerd knows somethiung but wont share

then its day as i guess they walked all night and on da beach 1 demo man throes a rock at a crab

1 guy stops him but the demo boys say crabns ate a wounded marine

chick and a nerd say the quakes happen at night and she hears a tapping sound again


f u caps lock

also it didn't cut or scrape his arm despite no sleeve and nailing him with his blade edge

in da caves the resacure force dont find him and are gonna come back later as its almost night

they climb up a rope despiute having just come from the cave

at da base the crab thing is gone and guy goes back in with chick carrying a lamp

the crab thing ate something in here and he wants to try the radio as the storm let up

but the radio was f'd by the thing as if it knew what it was doing on purpose

the rescue team returns and the sciemce nerd might as well build a new radio as its so f'd

1 nerd sez the events are related and he tjinks they are gonna find something f;'d

so they go back in da caves and ttheres n o trace of the fell in guy

the cave has a cave in and they find this guys hand on da floor and 1 nerd screams and blacks out

the demo;lition men come in dsaying half tghe island is gone and they came following a voice

they bring back the fainted nerd and treat his sh-t and give him drugs

2 guys play cards but its not as good as the digi battle digimon card game from 99

thewy hear clicking and look out, scream, and runb in as the tent falls

layter this voice sez they found a dr and tells fainted nerd to come and he does byt f--kedly

i think it was his hand thatr got took off b4 and whehn he gets to where the voice came from; a crab claw grabs him

the remaining gang gathers and fainted nerd voice tells em hes fine and will be back tomorrow night

1 nerd sez fainted guy is iced but his voice and memory continue on, but its not a ghost

the next day the crew inds the tent that was fell and the dyno mite is gone and theres no bodies

at night they wait for fainted nerd to call and he does and sez he's in metal things and is dsane but not in body

he invites them to the caves and they go and i think chick stays behind

then this big a55 crab comes out and they open fire on it and use dyno ite but it does dioddly d0-ng

is this like tyhat ps3 game with the giant nemy crab?

eventually it bites it as the stone pops its brain and grenades dont harm it like the wotrm that the knife didnt harm it

if they remove the rock it might revive and they pop off a limb and carry it back even though it should be f--king heavy at that size

it seems like a normal land crab and anothert one comes and they blow the cave and fainted guy sez they iced the last group and his party and tried to ice him

at da lab they check the sample and find the molecular structure is disconnected and like how electrons go drom atom to atom on a copper wire for electricity; this does that with atoms

and it absorbed those it ate and has access to the guys it ates minds

also they are after the humans for survival instinct and can use heat to melt things like rock

so why didn't it melt the people? was it trying to eat them?

also somehow the chick has photoes of the surviving crab and its pregnant but they cant say it as its the 50s

1 dr wants to examine it and the rest is like f dat

1 guy tests the claw with electricity and it dusts it as the crab is negativly charged like the evil dragons in dbgt

so they use positive charges and make a lightening force lazer that can stun it but not kill it so they can take off its clawes and cage it

the crab has the dy no might and the chick an a guy go down the pit to use the thunder force 4 lazer on it and place them in areas

the guy and chick talk and neartly seem to bond but hear the crab behind the wall

i notice this is like The Thing where it absorbes people

so guy goesd in to take a sample but his hand is knocked down by the claw and it dont chop off his hand somehow

they run and go from 1 cave o another and go through the water in sacuba as the crab chases them

the crab opens its mouth and a long b0ner like tentacle extends and heads right for her butt

jk really they get out and somehow outswim a giant crab

but it comes up and is like a kaiju and 1 guy trieds to j fk it but the bullets do jack sh-t

gthe crab sez it wants to grow a new claw and will do it in a day and they somehow escape, get back to back, and use a radio

what happened to the crab chasying them?!

so the island is vanishing like namek as goku fights freeza and the radiio can recieve calls but not send

he tries as telegraphe an morse code and outside the other 2 guys hear something and go to it

guy and chick talk about thewir pasts and how he was in the war and she graduated with this guy and are gonna get married to one of the 2 guys out there

the 2 guys find oil and say its from deep underground and thery go in looking

1 of em finds it going in a cave and the other finds it in another cave

in 1 cave is the crabe and he runs out b4 it sees him

he meets the chick and other guy and they go back to save the guy who went in the cave, even though he could have done it himslef

guy in cavre finds the elazer beam and it zaps him and he falls

he spazzes out as the buster crabbe comes for him and the 3 survuvors see it grabbing his nack and they run

1 guy lights the oil and it blows and they get out

he sez he didn't ice it and the fire wont hold it and the fainted guy voice sez the fire wont last forever

they return to base and send a message but dont know if it got through and fainted guy sez buy the time help gets herre; the island will be gone and he'd haver eated them

then the island starts f--king out and its like a kaiju film

the water rises and they climb and have a few grenades left and go by a metal tower

the big a55 crabbe comes for em with i think reused footage and they try grenades

why not throw a rock? it iced the last one!

thery fire onit an 1 guy goes to fight it but gets beat down by a claw

he crawls away and crabe swings its big meaty claw at them as he fights it off with an axe

busdted guy climbs the towewr, wigglesd around and it falls on the cranbbs and zaps it

the white virgin couple say the gug sacrificed himself for them, but unlike recents movies; he's not the 1 black guy

the it ends

the end

that was not bad

only like an hou and tells its story well

good sci fi and action

good twists

good effects for the 50s

sorta like THEM meets Spongebob

corman makes another good one

a bit cheesy but its well done and has some heart

For Attack Of The Crab Monsters 2 i want it to be revealed that the crabes were actually sea daemons and ate the guys souls so they couldnt pass on to the next world. So the 2 surviors on the island pray and an Angel comes down and gives them Holy Armor that lets em breathe underwater and they go to the undersea kingdom and they go to fight the sea daemons that used their friends voices and memories from their souls to save them. also its a 16 buit beat em up on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you playt as the guy and guel and fight in an undersea world and can move up and dowwn and fight the sea abominations.

Monday, November 22, 2021

The Wicked Darling Review

 Note: I spell rediscovered

The Wicked Darling

This is my review on the wicked darling from the distant future year of 1919 (to the 1800s guys)

Its directed by Tod Browniung whos an 1800s Tim Burton and directed The Unholy 3, The Unknown, West of Zanzibar, the 31 Dracula, Freaks and The Devil Doll

It stars Lon Chaney 01, Spottiswoode Aitken from Intolerance and The Birth Of A Nation (Good Version), Gertrude Astor from The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Martha Mattox from Torrent, and a buncha 1800s dudes I never saw in anything else

It was thought to be a lost film but they found a copy and restored it

I never saw this b4 but I like Todfd Brownings and Lon Chaney is always good, so Immas do it

So no title but we get text saying its a city with bad sh-t doing well

1 barkeep sends a guy out and nearly kicks his candyu a55

theres a drunk sdtumbling around who finds a flower but is to f'd to wear it so he throwews it in the filth

the flower represents this chick who is called the gutter rose but her real name is john estes i mean mary stevens

she sees a guy comming from a soft drink stand as we had laws against booze back then, but now people kill themselves with deadly drinks

stoop is a pick pocket plays by lon chaney and bickers with maryto try to get her to do stuff for him

nowadays he'd be a p-mp to use her b0ning for money

a cop comes by and Lon runs off but she swipes hius button while ppolishing his badge

meanwhile; adele hyot(uh day lay) is played by mary i mean gertrude astor's bf losrt hisd money a decade b4 the market crash and shes dumping him

what a 5kank

once the gov invents aids i hope she gets it

so bf is gooing home in a taxi and latyer adele and some rich c-ck sickers come out of the party house

she drops her pearls and lon and mary are planning toi get em

adele notices it aand mary grabs it and runs

lonm sez hes going after her and runs

mary sees bf's door is open aND he's paying the taxy so she goes in his place

the chasers ask where she wenmt and he didnt see sh-t and they return

bf goes in sand gets some dough and sees an item in the money and throws it in the fire

he senses somethuing and finds her behind the couch

she sees he threw her high heel in the fire and talks f--kin cockney

she is under evolved!

hes gonna vcall the cops but she stops him

adele remembers what the necklace stealer was wearing and calls it in

bf is low on dough and is gonna sell his home

the pawn shop guy whos marys godfather is playing cards with himself and latyterlon comes by some place with mary i think, but it could be someone else

lon sees pawn shop guy who's not on pawn stars, hard core pawn, interracial pawn, necro pawn, quadruple amputee pawn, eye less pawn or interspecies pawn and gives his this cigar thing saying he got it wit the hoyt pearls

pawno asks about mary and he grins and goes with him

lawn chairy is pretty good at being evil, kinda likeT R Edwards in Robotech II The Sentinels or Megatron, But kinda like Boris KArloff in that grave robber film the body snatcher or w/e

you klnow hes bad but hes deliciously bad

like faegan in oliver, wgich he also played in the 20s ver

At bf's place, his goodness rubs off on mary and she sees adele was his fuiture wife until she ditched his a55

the clock turns and she goes out but fingers with the door lock and sneaks back in later to jack adeles photographe

she cxomes back to the place the crooks hang out and lon talks with her about the cr-p she stole but she wont gie it up

she gets up and she stands up to him and slaps him but when hes gonna counter punch; the barkeep grabs and twists lons arm

she goes out and sez shes done with their sh-t but paweno i think grabs her and she fights him off and runs

lon chases after but loses her and later she goes back to meet bf as mary, not gutter rose and as an honest worker

remember in captain planet how wheelers new york homie trish was a punk called trash?

who names themself trash?!

i mean theres aids in violence jack

but still, TRASH!?

when the cannibals gewt her; thety'll be eating trash!

so mary works at a restaurant king and serves bf and they go off after work

he sez he thoughtr she was a theif and he hates theifes

although what is murder but the theft of life?

what is moi lesting but the theft of butt virginity?

so she lives in a small apartment and worries avbout bf hating theives

later bfs been calling for her but she's been evading him

lon finds her andconfronts her andbf comes by and roughs his a55 up

look up! he's the armless strangler!

they walk off and lon fires a round at him and books it

being from the 1800s like teddy roosevelt; he walks off a bullet and goes home

ahh it got him in the hand and theres blood comming fromm it

dont see that often in pre 70s movies

a cop asks who capped him and he dont know

this huge chick sez bf aint paid his rent in weeks and she dont know what to do and the dr treats his arm hole

maryu comes back to pawno and offers him some sh-t and hes happy

the huge cghicks husband sez pay rent or gtfo and as chick goes by bar: lon sees anbd had a drink

necro pawno tells lon and 1 guy follows mary to bfs place where she pays his rent and sez not to say where it came from

the follower tells lawnn and pawno andthey think shes got a source of bucks

later bf is recovering and mary comes by and brings food


wait; i think thats marys place and hes going threough her sh-t

bf likes mary and she comes home as lon gets out andshe sees her place is f'd and da window is open

she notices her flowwre pot was busteds and finds her pearls are safe in it as lon dropped it as she came in

she sees if she returns em, it'll drive bf away but she goes to his place

lon goes to bfs place with his hand in his coat like a gun and wants the pearls maryu gave him

he don't know whats going on and as mary comes in; lon comes out the window

how did lon get in? are there any locks or keys?!

mary comes in admitting she took the poearls and he's shocvked

i think parts of the film are missing as it cuts to lon telling bf he will get the pearls even if it beins violence and then fighting bf

mary gets the gun and  bfd slugs out lon and gets the gun

bf dont trust maru and thje cops come up as the neigbors heard the fight

lon attacksand gets the gun and runs out and the cops come in

i guess he didnt get the gun as she has it and bf sez its not hers

so she goees back to the filth and works with lon and picks the necjklaace from pawnos pocket

so lon gets mad at her and goes off and bf gets a letter frimn adele saying the pearls were returned by a girl and shes giving them to her

a guy reports that mary is at the docks and the lon goes to her

he tells her a guys gonna get iced and oh its pawno

bf goes to the restaurant but hears mary is in the slums where he sent her

mary goes to see pawno and he looks exaggerated over the top and shes gonna escape but lon gets her

lon wants the pearls and is gonna f up her hands as pawno has some kkind of autism and finds his pocket is empty

bf hears mary lives in a room above the pawn shop like yugi living in a room above the game shop

lon strangles her for a while but bf comes by and pawno creppily talks to her

he's so animated, like a hannah barbera cartoon

spottswoode pawno sez shes out but he sees her silhouette being strangled in the glass door and busts in

he fight the lon and mary stands around not doing anything, until lon starts winning and slaps on him

lon shoves her a55 away and bf brats on him more

another guy comes in and mary escapes and gets barkeep

lon and other guy hold bf and pawno is gonna cut up open and barkeep comes in loking like the guy from analyze this meets adam sandler

they let him go and maru and bf reconsile

then text saying love lifted the rose out of the gutter to bloom and then we see em on a farm as a couple and barkeep is a farm hand drinking milk as its got iron, calcium, protein and won't f up your nerves and brain and liver and tract and mouth and jaw and teeth and other sh-t booze do

the end

that was nice

its a well doner story

holds your attention

lon chaney is deliciously evil

the bf is a nice guy

the chick is well polayed and holds up

this was todd brownings 1st film with lon chanel and they made nearly a dozen in total

good start to an iconic pair

although usually lon sacrifices himself to save the girl he likes so norman kerry or ricardo cortez can have her

but that started with the penalty in 1920

Priscilla Dean was a big star in the 10s but no one cares of her now

and Spottiswoode Aitken is really nuts in here

like the rocky horror picture show or something

he's good but really over the top

for the wicked darling 2 i want them to be on the farm and feral hogs are coming into the area and destroyiong their farm, so they gotta fight em off with guns, but the guns are not enough, so they gotta set trapds, but the pigs outsmart them, so they go to the city for a few tommy funs to shred em. also its a 16 bit tower defence game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you place traps and set up snipers to hold off the pigs uintil the chick comers back with the supply of tommy guns to shred the pigs.

Thursday, November 18, 2021

The Conquest Of The Pole Review

 Notw; i spell as scientiffically accurate as this movie is

The Conquest Of The Pole

This is my review on The Conquest of the Pole from 1912 which was 100 years beforfe the world ended

its based on the works of Jules Verne and was directed by George Melies who was one of the 1st guys to use special effects in films

It stars no one I heard of and was also inspired by the 1800s dudes trying to get the the north pole in the 1900s

So as its based on real sh-t they can put it on the hostory channel like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Silence of the Lambs and 2001 A Space Odyssey

But unlike those; this isn't cr-p

btw this is is german or w/e so imma have to read the wikipedia thing

So after title and sh-t we get trhe explorers club where these guys who probably knew slaves are hanging out and talk about how to get to da north pole

do they wanna meet santa?

they show posters of various vehicles and some look like some kind ofg G I Jow toyu

1 guy wants to make an aero bus that has a bird head and design like its a transformer

then the feminists come in who wanna go to the pole toprove they can do stuff guys can do

the club drives their b--chy a55es out and strows paper at them and the cops hold em off

if only we stood up to feminists today instead of giving in to their demands and devolving our protoculture

so the club goes with the aero plaine plan of mr maboul who does a silly dance and hops around like a cartoon

a diverse group of guys is chosen to go to the pole like its the power rangers and all groups are represented

even in the 1900s they were doing it

so they go to a room and maboul shows them a model the size of a double bike of his aero polaine and shows off how it has folding wheels and a prop[ellor on the top like a chopper

yeah but can it link to Star Saber and fly faster than sound like Victory Leo?

so they use an electric powered factory to build the machine and its got these sppinning and pumping machines

the background is drawn on but it works

women sew the cloth for it and a frenchie with a beard trys smooching a girl but she beats him off

maboul shous his homies the building of it and they are dressed in traditional outfits like justin trudeau would wear if he went there

the feminists have made their own flying machine somehow and its got party balloons and propellors and skis and the humans drive em off and carry off their cr-pmobile

so they have finished the aero plaine andits got a propellor on the side by the door what seems to do no use and has a box in it for carrying people liek an 1800s stagecoach

the feminists wanna go on but are taken off by cops as in the 1800s we were smarter

the airero ship tsakes off and other guys try going to the north pole in a balloon, whichj will probably kill them from trhe cold as its high in the wind and uncovered

the balloon has a stow away and the ballloon guy drops it and i think its the feminist who falls and slams into a long hard pole and she pops like a bag of powdered sh-t

the baloon goes up and pops and goes down in flames

1 guy made a phaIIic car and other guys made other cars to drive to the north pole as i guess they can drive over water

we get miniatures driving over rocky areas and flling through a bridge and probablyu biting it in the chasm

so we get a fleet of various ships like some kinda power rangers thing and all trying to get to the pole

holy cr-p how did all these different guys make air ships and all launch at the same time?!

Its like in Mobiule Fighter G Gundam how all these Gundams spammed out to fight in the final fight!

The its the end of reel 1 and the start of reel 2

oh and all these guys coming out with their own thing to compete with this other guy is liek all the ninja turtles clones like Cheetah Men or Battle Toads or Biiker mice from Mars or Street Sharks or Extreme Dinosaurs

Or all the Pokemon clones like Robopon or Metal Walker or Fighting Foodons

so the aero plane bird thing goes on and goes by constelations which are the stars and drawing of what they are overlayed on the film and they dodge a shooting star (dragon in attack mode) that was coming from the grouind and arcing under them somehow

is something firing at them from the gbround lik in star ship troopers

he goers by another constellation, 1st was pices then libra, then mor shooting stars

then they bump into a planet that pops into smoke dust

either the sun or a u fo or an angel or beyblade or beywheel spins by with sparks shooting out and then they goi by the big dipper with chicks holding the stars

then scorpio that moves around like a paper cup out puppet and it p[unches the ship with the stinger

the ship flips but rightd and goes on and theres lightning

thery find the north star i  think which is held iup by 2 chicks and go by some 3 ringed planet with chicks holdiong stars

they make it to the great white north and its a big icy wasteland of shards oif broken ice and tall ice things

they land and dont seem to worry abnout the cold and wander around and dance

then from behind this ridge arises this huge f--king ice giant!

whwere the f--k did that come from?!

I mean this wasn't 100% scoientiffic, but still man

its made using a huge puppet with multiple people in it like the Queen in Aliens

its got a pipe which is short off buy a guy with a gun and the people attack it

it grabs em and gobbles 1 up

1 guy gets a cannon and fires on it and the grabbed people escape

they fire what seems like a scattershot and it covers its ears and the guy it swallowed crawled out as he didn't chew his food

so the ice giant sinks offscreen and the people cheer and go onward

they find a magnetic needle thats the north pole and they somehow are sucked to it and stick on

it falls in the ice water and this other aero ship comes by as the ice water guys wave a french flag

the ship comes down anfd lowers a rope ladder and 1 guy crawls out as i guess the magnetism doesn't wortk in water

oh and the guys planted their countries flags by ther needle and they weren't moved for some reason

as thery go up, therre's sudden;y sealsd, white birds and penguins, even though those are at the south pole; thre opposite side of the planet!!

What next? Mastodons in Australia?!

then we get the maboul at the pole showing a glode and putting a thing on top

then he's in civilization and bows with his homies having come home a hero

the end

That was pretty good

nice half hour film with cool for their time efects and clever ideas

Its based on Jules Vernes The Adventures of Captain Hatteras and The Sphinx of the Ice Fields which was a sequel to the Edgar Allen Poe movie i mean book The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket

huh, the ice giant was basded on native and russian and nordic legends of tall cold monster people that eat people

Who know's whats up there, we know more about da moon than da north

overall this was a nice 1910s film and holds up well

it goes on an adventure and is a good ride

no musuic or much acting or chharacters or bad romance subplot tacked on

no forced sad moment 75% THrough the film

and it dont drag

its better than most things today

Glad I saw it

For The Conquest Of The Pole 2 I want it to be the 30s aND Humans are colonizing the Nortj Pole and having clashes with the snow giants who live there. Also are Mammoths they keep as pets andthem having snow weapons like icicle bazookas. Its also a 16 bit Run N Gun game on Segas Genersis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as these Alaska bada55es who use electric guns that can use sonic and fire attacks and you fight through the ice giants animals and people who betrayed the human race as they think the ice monsters aare the good guys.

Sunday, November 14, 2021

Game Reviews Volume 17 From 2021 Part IV

 A bunch of Reviews on Games I Beat in the latter part of 2021. Took me a bit over a Month to do these.

Just beat Wonder Boy in Monster Land on my 100 Master System Games GBA Multicart. Its kind of a sequel to Wonder Boy but has pretty much nothing in common with it. You play as a Blonde guy who uses a Sword and 1 button jumps and 1 attacks. Start brings up the inventory and you gotta upgrade your equipment by buying them with gold you collect from slaying foes or jumping in the right places to make hidden gold come out. There is a trick by pausing the game over and over on the 2nd controller after you get the 1st sword to eventually get extra gold but I suggest you use a turbo feature as you get 45 gold each time you do 73 pauses (But the non start buttons pause on player 2). Its like a dozen levels and you have a time limit that can be refilled by getting an Hourglass once in a while and if it runs out it costs you 1 hit point. you get 1 life and no continues but there is a Life Refill Potion you can buy or find from enemy drops that refills you when you run out once her item(And you can only have 1 at a time). There's also Magic attack you can do by pressing down and attack and you get ammo for this by enemy drops and buying em. The game is pretty tough at times but can be beat with practice and guide to see the hidden things locations. The final level is a maze you gotta go the right path and 1 part is a 25 jump section on see sawing platforms and one mistake and you gotta loop back for another try. But there's a time limit and after enough time you run outta life and gotta start the whole 40 minute game over! The bosses are not too tough if you know what to do and they have kind of a pattern, but with enough power ups you can win by Attrition. Glad I beat it. Its not too hard, but can be quite unforgiving. Oh and there's a Trading Sequence with hidden characters to get this Phantom Ruby I think you need to beat the Game Boss.

Just beat Magical Taruruto-kun/Taluluto-kun on Sega Genesis. I imported a copy from Japan as its only released there/ Its based on a show based on a Manga and was done by Game Freak in 92. Its a platformer where you play as this little gnome kid  and go through like 4 levels with multiple areas. You can choose what the buttons do and there's  Attack, Jump and Magic. You get 3 Continues and 3 Lives but can get more guys with points or finding em in these power up boxes. You can grab items with Attack and carry it around until you throw it with Attack again. You collect Magic  from the boxes (And like a lot of this game: its got a Pentagram on it) and choose which one to use on the pause menu and you get more magics after beating certain bosses. 1 is invincibility, 1 is a screen nuke and the middle one I don't know. If you jump you can press and hold jump again to do a glide. The jumping is kinda weird and you can't change direction well in mid air. If you walk off a platform you can't just press the other way and instantly go that way. Its pretty simple once you get the hang of it and if you bite it, even if you use a continue, you return to the same area you were on in the level, even a boss. You can take 3 hits per life and life restorers are common. Also its got great bright colored graphics and cheerful music. Its worth playing and has some good stuff. Glad I played this one

Just beat the Snes Game Musya on my DS R4. Its sorta like a more Japanese Castlevania where you play as a Japanese dude and fight through this weird Shkima Realm like place like in La Blue Girl to stop these Yokai or w/e from getting outta the underworld. B is jump, Y is attack, A is spin your weapon and X is Magic attack, with L and R moving you slowly left or Right when crouching. You get new spells after beating bosses and collect health and ammo for em from pre set items placed around. You get 16 bits of life and 3 guys for each Continue. I think you got infinite Continues but I only counted 4  I used after using a save state and suiciding over and over to test it. You power up your Lance or Spear or w/e with collecting these upgrade things in pre set areas and you go down by biting it. If you hold up and jumping  you do a super jump but its not always working. Its easy to take a lot of hits and the game can attrition you down. There's also a Password system to go to what level you want. Falling in pits doesn't kill you, but sends you to the start of the level with the same Health you just had, which can wear you down. The bosses are not so bad and can usually be attritioned through with some Magic attacks and keeping distance. It looks cool and has a nice dark 80s/90s look with a Japanese feel and the music is not bad and quite Japanese. Some later levels get tough with instant kill lava and enemies in a metal spike area with skulls to jump on that burns through all your hits. Its not a bad game but does take some trial and error to get through. Glad I did this one.

Just beat the NES game Shadow of the Ninja on my DS R4. Its a Ninja game that's up to 2 player Co Op from Natsume. Its the distant future year of 2029 and Emperor Garuda took over America and these 2 Ninja gotta stop him.  A is jump and B is attack and you collect new weapons from boxes. You got a Katana and Kusarigama and each can be powered up a few levels by collecting the same one, but getting a different one changes it. You also get Shuriken and Grenades and can climb on the underside of floors. Up press up to cling but up again to go up, instead up Jump, which took getting used to. You get a pretty good life bar and falling in pits just takes a hit and sends you to where you fell from. You get no lives and 5 Continues that puts you back to the start of the level segment you bit it on. The bosses are not so bad and most can be attritioned through, esp with a turbo feature, but its still pretty tough. There's also a screen nuke by holding B for a bit that uses half a full life bar. Its pretty good but the final boss takes some getting used to to learn his pattern. Its got pretty nice 8 bit graphics and good music. Oh and you can't change weapons so if you pick up Shurikens then you're stuck with em til you run out, but it carries over after you bite it and restart a level at the same number you had. Glad I played it. Its pretty decent

Just beat Un Indien Dans La Ville/Little Indian An Indian in the City on my 108 Gameboy Games Multicart. Its a platformer where A is jump and B is shoot. Its based on a 90s movie later remade as Jungle 2 Jungle with Tim Allen but I never saw either. There's a Level Skip code by pausing and pressing Right 4x Down 3x Left 2x and Up 1x, then after the sound, press Select to skip it. You only get 3 Continues but can take 3 hits at 1st and can somehow get up to 5 hits. You got like 5 levels with 2-3 areas each, including a Minecart Level you speed up by jumping and for the Skeletons you gotta go under em. There's also canoe levels where you gotta  fire diagonally up/down or straight but get nearly 100 ammo. You usually have like 10 blow darts but can find more or jump on bad guys like 6x to pop em into an ammo. If you ice a guy they don't come back until you bite it and extra guys resummon. If you collect enough items like Pans or 90s Cellphones you can get an extra guy after the level and in the canoe levels, certain fish refill health if you catch em. You beat the level by finding a guy at the end and often he's hidden somewhere in the top left corner or something. Climbing Ladders is tricky as if you aren't at the very top, going left/light makes you fall off.  Also the camera is tricky with shifting left/right and don't show as much of the screen as you want. But if an enemy is offscreen enough; it don't exist and can't hard you by throwing things. Its not too hard and the graphics are really good with a lot of dark and layered colors. Sorta like Batman TAS drawn on black paper, It controls not too bad but could be tighter. You can get pretty far on the edge of a ledge with your back foot just on it. I liked it and this one only really came out in Europe, but its pretty good. Oh and who animated this? The jungle boy has a lot of animation in his butt as he climbs ladders! Its like MLP or DBGT or something!

Just beat Spud's Adventure on my 68 Gameboy Games in 1 Multicart. Its kind of a Puzzle/Top Down Run n Gun game where you play as Anthromorphic Food like a Potato or Eggplant and go through a Tower to find the stairs. You get Power Ups based on cards that Heal you, Make you big and invincible, Power up your shot, or give you an extra guy if you get 3 of em.  You get EXP from popping bad guys and every 1000 points, you level up and get an extra half heart (Max Level 6). You get unlimited Continues and if you use one you restart the level from the beginning w/oi any levels or exp. Some Puzzles are moving blocks on tiles or choosing the right staircase to go up. Sometimes you get different bosses by going up different stairs. If I run outta guys I grind by busting the same resummoning guys til I guy full power. Its not too hard but some parts are tricky. If you get hit you lose the power up attack but that's often good as all characters have the same one but different base moves. Its got simple but charming graphics and nice music but could control better as often I move weird. Some parts have reversed controls and holding down the fire button is Autofire. Start does nothing but Select brings up the stats screen and pauses. A swaps characters and B fires. Its a decent game and there's also a Password to restart any of the 5 levels from the 1st screen. If you bite it, you continue where you left off and have the same items and EXP. You refill on life after getting 100 EXP, even on Max Level. Its a decent game and has has some good stuff to it. Glad I did this one. Oh and its got scaling kinda where sprites expand or compress, which is pretty impressive on GB.

Just beat Mad City, the Japanese version of The Adventures of Bayou Billy from NES on my DS R4. Its kind of a Beat em up by  Konami where you play as this Confederatey Swamp Dude trying to get his GF back from a crime guy. I think you get unlimited Continues but only Game Overed like 3x. You get 3 guys per Continue (2 1 and 0) and et more from points or finding a Billy Doll. 1 button is punch/weapon, 1 is kick, both at the same time is jump kick and select changes to Gun when you have 1. Most levels are beat em ups and you can't kick when in water but 2 are Gallery Shooter ones where you move the Crosshairs around capping guys but if you run outta ammo or life, your dead. 2 levels are driving levels where 1 button is grenade to take out choppers/planes and 1 is car guns to take out other cars, but it you run outta hits or gas, your dead. If you bite it you restart from the same screen you entered but if you use a Continue, you restart the whole level. Its not a long game and can be beat in like half an hour and controls well. Good 8 bit graphics and nice music. If you jump kick guys you can knock off items like a bulletproof vest that makes bullets bounce off you like in real life, or meat that heals you(Is that Human Meat?! Are you kicking chunks off these guys?!). I never played the American version but heard they made it too unfair and less fun. You can also use the NES Zapper if you choose Game Mode B for the Gallery Shooter Levels. Its a nice brief fun game and is worth a try. Glad I played it.

Just beat Surf Ninjas on my 106 Game Gear Games i 1 GBA Multicart. Its kind of a Platform Beat Em Up based on a movie that had a Game Gear in it. You go through like 6 levels and fight Ninja with different colors of toughness. Some colors taker more hits. 1 button attacks, 1 jumps and you can double jump by tapping it 2x the right way. You can use Power Ups like a ranged attack by pressing down and 1 or both buttons in a way I sometimes was able to do. Or calling some dude from the movie to do a super hit on the guy next to you. You an use a Game Gear to get a hint and its often useless things like Danger lies ahead or Look out for Killer Rats (Which are the size of beavers). There's also a ship in the menu that you can buy Life, Extra Guys, Weapons, A Continue, Hints, A time Slow thing and the 1 shot guy you summon, using money you find. To properly beat the game, you gotta get this magic sword in a cave level thats in level 04 and you access it by using the Game Gear on this Rectangle thing with the 2 Faced Dragon drawn on it and doing what it says about crouching and kicking or w/e. If you don't got it: You can't beat the game boss and the whole game is pointless. Also you can't go back and get it either. I only really used 1 Continue and you can buy more as its not so tough. Good colorful 8 bit graphics and nice sounds and music beeps. Its not the most responsive in Control, but its mostly mashing buttons til one of you bites it. Its a decent game and if I ever see the movie I'll look for the stuff from this game. Glad I played it. Oh and if you bite if you resummon where you left off but if you use a Continue, you restart the level.

Just beat Tiny Toon Adventure for NES on my DS R4. What an ordeal! Its kind of a Mario Clone but has loose floaty jumps and is pretty unforgiving. You bite it in 1 hit and gotta start the whole level over with 1 mistake. But if you collect a Heart you can survive 1 hit once. In some levels you gotta evade Elmyra for a while to get to the exit and if she touches you, even if you have the Heart. You play as Buster who runs by holding B and A Jumps but can choose a partner at the start of each area who you can switch to with a Change Orb found in the levels. Dizzy spins and is invincible but under water fires a Tornado out his mouth like Mazinger Z. After using it you gotta wait for a Power Bar to recharge to use jt again. Plucky can slowly fall by holding Jump in the air which screws up the Jumping where you wanna get more air by holding Jump when you land on a guy. He can also slide on his belly like Frosty The Snowman in a running and quickly pressing down thing. Furball ()Which according to The 2003 Berenstain Bears: Is a Swear Word) can climb walls but I never used him. Each level has like 3 areas except the last 2: Wacky Land and Monty's Mansion, but in Wacky Land you gotta collect all the Gogos to get out, and if you can't get the last one with Dizzy so if you chose him, you're stuck. The Ape Boss you gotta bounce off small apes and go past him to drop the platform. I didn't use Continues but there's a Level Select Code by on the Title Screen going AAA BBB SelectSelectSelect then pressing A+Start at the same time, and you choose what level to go to, but it just shows a Number and you gotta add it up. You get extra guys by getting Carrots (Max 99) and finding a Door to Hampton who gives you a 1IUp for every 30. I didn't care much for this one. Kinda too cheap and annoying. Wacky Land is mostly over a bottomless pit and there's guys who throw nearly invisible bubbles that kill you. Its got good graphics but the music is mostly just the Tiny Toons Theme.

Just beat S.C.A.T.: Special Cybernetic Attack Team for NES on my DS R4. Its a Shmup from Natsume where you play as either Arnold of Sigourney and fly around sorta like Forgotten Worlds taking on 8 bit aliens in the Distant Future Year of 2029. Its got quite nice Graphics and good music and has a good 80s style to it. B fires your weapon and A starts and stops your option cannons spinning around so you can have them where yo\u want. I usually had em facing diagonally to the right. You can aim backwards by pressing left but that also controls where you go so I sometimes was not firing in the right direction. You get unlimited Continues and there's only like 5 levels, but if you take too make hits you start the level over with no checkpoints. You collect power ups that change your weapon and the R is Refill Like  or Recover. You also get extra life by getting enough points. Its a pretty good game and has pretty good controls. At times its bets to go up to the foe and just attrition up close to burn them out. some parts are tricky but with unlimited Continues, you just gotta keep at it til you get good or lucky. I'm not big on Shmups but this one was pretty good. Glad I did this one.

Just beat Kenseiden on my 100 Sega Master System Games GBA Multicart. Its an Action game where you play as a Blonde Samurai who jumps with 1 button and slices with the other. You can get new moves by beating bosses and do em by using the D Pad and Attack. There's a few items you can get like Charms that reduce Damage and a black thing with what looks like a yellow Nucular symbol on it that refills your life when you run out. If you bite it you return to where you entered the screen but using a Continue (That you only get 3 and gotta press up and down and a bottom on the game over screen to use) makes you restart a level. Biting it on a boss restarts you on that boss and some are tough. You get stronger as you beat more bosses and there's training levels that you gotta get through without taking a hit from flying spears and moving spikes. If you beat those you get either a Charm or a Life Bar Extension. You get extra guys by finding these tall pop can looking things hidden in secret areas. You get an extra guy with enough points and after taking out enough guys or spears; you get a life bar filler. You travel across ancient Japan and go from area to area on a map. After you get through an area: You change the target with Attack and confirm it with Jump. You can go back to ones you beat but can only move to aa level touching the area you are on. Its got good graphics and colors and nice music and the characters have a Japanese Folklore feel like Gegege No Kitaro or Dororon Enma Kun and controls mostly good, but in a training level I tried jumping off a moving platform and ran in place and fell a few times. Overall its a good game and gets easier as it goes on and you get stronger but can be tricky. Best see a guide to see what route to take or grind for more life refillers. If you go to a training area after beating it, the trainer refills your life. The Reviver Nucular thing comes backs after you return but only if you dont have one. Glad I played this. Its good.

Just beat Tails Adventure on my 106 Game Gear Games GBA Multicart. Its kind of a Metroid style game where you go through different areas and get items that let you access other ones. 1 button is jump but holding Up and pressing it lets you fly for a limited time. You collect Chaos Emeralds that increase your Full Life and Flight Time hidden around the areas. The other button uses the item you select while paused and they do things like blowing away rocks or using a remote control robot to get things in places you can't. Its not too hard but its best to use a guide to see where all the hidden things are and how to get them so you aren't wandering around for hours. It gets easier as it goes on and by the end, if you get all the Emeralds, you can have 99 life and high flight time. It controls well and you can cling to and climb steps but the flight is different than the Sonic Games so it takes some getting used to. Its not super fast but its a Tails game, not a Sonic game, so it fits. You can refill life by collecting rings dropped by enemies but that's just 1 at a time. Going back to Tails House heals you and lets you change what items you carry. You can carry up to 4 items and gotta choose right, or go back and getta change. Its got a few bosses and most are just throwing things at them til they bite it. They are not so tough but the 3rd last boss was tricky as you have to throw the attack at the highest point in the jump to get him. Its a decent game and there's also underwater levels where you use a drill sub and gotta choose the right equips for it. It can be beat in like an hour on a good run and has no lives or continue, but has a password of letters and numbers  on a grid. If you bite it: Go to Continue and the Password is still there until you turn it off. Glad I played this. Its worth a play through.

Just beat Wonder Boy III The Dragon's Trap on my 100 Master System Games GBA Multicart. Its a direct sequel to Wonder Boy in Monster Land where the intro level(Or Level 0) is a simplified version of the final level in that game. You go around slaying dragons like Vampire Dragon, Mummy Dragon and Daimyo Dragon, which sound like Yugioh Cards. After you beat a dragon, you get devolved into a new Forme like a bird or a mouse and each has its own abilities to get through the area. You have items to equip like Swords, Shields and Armor(No Boots in this game) and they change your stats. Some give different stats depending on what Forme you're in. Shops sell you things but only if your Charisma Points, or CP, is high enough. If you run outta life you bite it and return to the village with all your money but no Magic. You use Magic like Fireball or Arrow with Down and Jump and in Boss Rooms you can Pause but Start doesn't open the Menu, so you gotta use what you got. You can carry up to 3 Potions that restore some Life after running out and you get these in stores or from enemy's dropping em as you slay them. Its sort of a Metroid game and you get more max life from finding Heart Containers in Treasure Chests that can be found as you search around and get access to more Formes. Its pretty tough at 1st with only a few hits but gets easier as you go on. After the 0th Level you lose your Max Power and gotta work your way back kinda like how Adol in Y's is shipwrecked after each game. Its got good 8 bit graphics and bright colors and has good music. It controls well but you gotta Hold up to enter doors instead of tapping so that took some figuring out. Overall its a decent game and has a Password that don't have O I and Q so its easier to manage and saves how many items, hearts and formes but not Potions so you gotta farm for those. Glad I played it.

Just beat Fighting Force 64 on N64. Its a Beat Em Up game in 3D that almost was Streets of Rage 4 where you play as up to 2 of 4 players who have different abilities like Hard/Slow or Soft/Fast or Balanced. Holding Z is Run and A B C Left and C Down are your moves you can shuffle around in the options while R can zoom in/out the Camera. You have a Punch and a Kick and a Grab moves that makes you grab and nail em and holding Z and doing a Punch or Kick dies a moving attack like a Jump Kick or a Slide. You can puck up and use weapons but they wear out after a few hits or have limited ammo. Some Backgrounds things can be busted and you can find goodies like weapons or points or extra life. You find Food like Square Sandwiches or Rectangle Hot Dogs or First Aid Kids to heal you and they are often dropped by enemy's. There's a Score thing that gives you an extra guy with enough Points and you can choose to go to alternate levels if you have enough points after beating a boss. Its not too hard but the later levels are tougher and you have a Save File System but you need a Controller Pack to use it. There's no Continues but there is a Level Select Code by holding L Z C Up and C Down on the title screen and somehow when I did it I was invincible but Dyno Mite could damage me. There's no falling off or throwing off levels and you gotta beat out all the guys in an area to advance. The Graphics are good by N64 standards and its got decent sounds. Its not a bad game and for a 3D Beat Em Up, It did pretty well. Better than Final Fight or Golden Axe 3D. Its worth playing and I'm glad I did this one. Oh and the A Stick controls pretty well and isn't bad. You move a bit slow but the Run Button makers it work. And Vulkan took be a bit to beat but after looking it up, saw you gotta get him to land near Steel Drums and throw em at him and do a Slide to dodge his gunfire.

Thursday, November 11, 2021

Dear John Review

Note: My spelling is frech from the john!

Dream John

This is my review on Dear John from 2010 (the year of Transformers Season 3 in Japan and Robotech Season 1)

Its directal by Lasse Halstrom who did ABBA The Movie, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Chocolat, The Shoipping News, Casanova, and Nutcracker and the 4 realms

Its based on a book by Nicholas Sparks (Like the guy Sparks from Rootech?)  who did The Notebook, Message in a Bottlwe, A Walk To Remembver and other stuff i never saw

it made an a55 load of money but got cr-ppy reviews

It stars channing tatum, amamnda seyfried from mean girls, Henry Thomas ffrom E T/Legends of the Fall/Gangs of New York and Ouija: Origin of Evil, Richard Jenkins from The Shape of Water (fish man b0ning)and The Indian in the Cupboard, Scott Porter fromSpeed RACER and Prom Night Reboot and Scarlet Spider in the 2010s ultimate Spiderman, Cullen Moss from the reboot of Birth of a Nation and some other guys I never heard of

I never saw this before but imma give it a chance

So after liuke 2 mins of creditrs we get this soldel saying how after he was shot in war; he had a memoroyof money being made and how hes like a coin in the army thats damaged

the last thing in his mind b4 he went out was a girl

then him surfing and crediuuts and seeing peopple at a doc where this chicks bag falls in the sea and he gets it

so chick invites him to dinner or something and later he's at a party and its revealed channings in the army in summer 2001

watch digimon! its cool!

this creepy kid hugschick and kid acts weird as dad greets channingt

they go and chick sez kid never talks to anyone but talked to channer

atnight he sez his job is boring but scary at times and she goes on about how the moon is big rising and small in the sky

but channing sez its never bigger than his thumb and he starts a campfire on his own, which impresses chichj

man channings not a great actor

kinda bland and low emotion

at least he's got his male str-pper bod

so chanula goes off and dad and kid give him a ride as kid throws a GBC and spazzes out

dads wife is out doing sh-t and after he drops chan offf, he sez if chan hurts chick, hers gonna snap a leg bone, cuz her dads out and someone has to say it

so the next day chanter (is channing the male chantal? Like Michael and Michelle, or alex and alexis?) tells his dad hes going oput and at the place chick meets him; guys are not fond of blackasaur chanula

so they talk and she wants to know more of chanzilla and meet his dad

they go back tohis place and dad colects coins and chick isd interested in it

he lknow a lot of trivia about coins and chantel t-tsuck don't like him showing his coins off

later he drops her off and shesez his dad loves him

after more surfing he meets her again and she shows themn a home being rebuilt after a hurricaine (i prefer turrican)

she dont smoke drink or b0ne and he wants to know her flaws and she sez she thinks swear words but dont say em

imagine tewlling a MILLENNIAL"I;'M THINKING SOMETHING OFFENSIVE" and they freak out over thoughts

so then it rains and they take cover and he reveals he got a scar from a fight or somethingf

she thinks people are scared of him but he sez he used to be darker and edgier and now afer bewing in the army; he's different

The news: tonight! A place where men are given guns and trained to kill! They call it: The Army! But we call it: The kill bot factory!

so they make out in the rain AND we montage them being together and romantic

in his place they play around and she screams and laughs as dad hears and is confused

these kids 20 years ago! Not like when I was a Teen! Wait! I WAS!!

later chantewl test tickles finds chicxk on a beACH kinda bummed shes gotta go back to school and in 012 months they can return

oh and i think hes going back to the servive

he sez he's gonna be back for good

guy in scream 1; i'll be rught back!

she wants to teach special ed now after being with chanz dad andchanno dont get it

she sez she know about autism and channing gets triggered rthat she thinks his dads auristic

i blame the flu shots

so he goes off and a guy hassles him so he beats himdow, and 2 other guys, including kid dad and goes off

chan goes to see chick but kid dad sez ses out and forgives hi for his headshot

chan writes a note  for chic and at home dad makes lasagna

then chick comes by and forgives him and sez sorry andgives him a note

she goes in for lasagna and her note sez she fell in love with him in 2 weeks but now thery got a year apart

she goos oof then chanmo goes off to war and reads her note saying she wants him to write everything to her

So I read this movie is about autism and didn't know if Channing was the guy with it as his acting is kinda monotone

so hes sent on missions in some cr-ppy country without internet or post offices andhas to do aero mail

he mails her and she mails back and tsaalks about the autismo kiddo and nowe horses can sense evil and danger and how autusmoes can too

you mean: Ki?

she wants to open a CAMP to let kids of autism ride horses

good f--k!


so chanpa gets movedf out and chick goes to see dad and he shoews her his 78 jefferson muel; his fave coine

candel tells chick as a kid he got an icecream and the penny was weired and dad looks into it

turns out; its a muel; a defectivce coin that got threough

acollecter trys to buy it for 20$ and dad senses his ki and goes toget it looked at and its ovwer 4000$

if he holds onto it; in years it'll be alot of bucks

dad went autristic over rare coins andchanning became a c-ck sucker teen who rebelled and they fell out

at scthool they hear the gov took out the tQv\/3rz and the army guys wanna extend theirtour to fight for the country

ther head of the group sez to take a few days to think it through

so they get a few days off and chandu goes across trhe sea to meet chick and they make out in front of everyone

they go back to dads place and she wants him to met her rents

he made meat loaf and they go off but he has anautism attacka dn dont think he can do it

he gets out and walks home but they take him home

chandelr has 1 bnight here and they go without him

at the party is the guy ho hassled him and chanton dont like him

hasler sez sorry and candor meets chicks dad and kid dad is there and sez his wife is on vaation

i assum ehshe's been iced and is hidden in his freezer or a back wall

channing sez he waited for his mom to return and she never did and  kid dad sez "if t5he worst thing his dad did was protect him; thats not bad"

the guys at the party say how the war will go on past the next few years and chick hears

she's bummed that he's going of for another 2 years and he asks her what she weants and she sez to come with her

then wer get a long love scene of tyhem undressing and making out and eventually b0ning

then chanlua i meant to say chanula liek blacuka i mean blacula, goes to go moff to the war and sez bye to his dad and chick

dont do it!

she needs you more than the gov!

so chanenstein agrees with his droogs to exend his tour and we getta montage of him in the 3rd world sending love notesd to his chick

later chick sends chanenstein a break up letter and it busts him up

he can't take it and pulls out ohis firtearm, puts it in his mouth, closes his eyes, and blows his whole head off!

jk really he burns all his letters

so later they're drivign and dinf these guyes and look around ther area and chantor gets capped

wait its anothe rof his men

then channing gets capped a few times and a firefight breaks out

so we're right back where the movie started and now he wakes up in a hospital in Germany

so he's got a fewe bullet holes and hsi arms kinda f'd and wants to extend his term but is told to go home

the head guy is going off to his fam but tautshas nothing left to live fgor as i guess he dont care about his dad, and goes back to war

then its the fistant futuer year of 2007,, when the american headmaster cartoon happens, and hes sent home and his dads in a coma from his brain blowing out and as he wasn't there; no one knew how longh he was out

so at dads place he looks at the coin that f'd him andm goes back to the hospital to talk to dad

dad reads a letter write by chanfel, or tries to, until channing does it for him

he reads that the 1st thing he thought b4 blacking out was coins and goes on wehat he started the movie with

he gets teary and dad holds his hand and hugs him

its actually kinda movbing

then he goes in the sea on a surf bot in a storm like thgat dream i had of being at the beach in da rain the other day

he goes underwater to die but i guess changes his mind and ghoes  to dads fduneral

he goes by thishorse thing and sees a shadowed over chick and eventually we see its chick

she started her brony ranch and tells of his dads icing and ther ranch f'd out after 1 summer from being too expensive

he sez hes going backafter settling his dads issues

her also sees a wedding photo of kid dad and her

but kid dad is dying andthey go to see him with his cr-ppy a55 bears shaved off

the kid is grown and less mental and kiod dad sez he loves chick and is glad his kid will be looked after, but chick still loveschanning

who'd you rather b0ne? elito rom ET or magic mike?

chick drives not gambit from ex men back and sez theres an experimental treatment for kid dad and they need money

at dinner he asks her why she sent the letter and she sez she couldn't cuz hearing her voice would change her mind

she b--ches more about how hard it was for her to deal with kid dad and kid and other cr-p

she shows her letters she saved anmd he spills drink on her and she changes

she sez bye and wantys him to say it and he just sez bye and goes out

he goes home and gets the coins asnd sells em to this collecter bt the mules gotta stay together

he keeps the one that started it and goes back to h-ll world and uses the coin fort choosing things

chick writes to him saying kid dad got an anon donation that covered his costs and he got to come home and settle things

later chanzuillas tying his bike up and sees her in a wqindow and they hug

the end

that wasn't so bad

channings noiit a great actior but he got it done

good music and filming and story

its got some heart

i enjoyed it and it shows how lifew can go

for dear john 2 i want it to be in the 2020s and due to his military contract: the gov has the right to use his body for experiments and tests. This results in him getting cyber implants to make him able to punch through walls and people. Nowe he's back in the service and is in bio armor and fights enemy forces in missions in ruined citioes and gains access to stronger items as it goes on. Its also a 32/64 bit MetroidVania game on Sega Saturn, PS1, N64, GBA and Panasonic 3DO where you play as Channing and do thas.