Sunday, November 28, 2021

The Mysterious Island Review

 note; i spell el mystrioso

The Mysterious Island

This is my review on the mysterious island from the distant future year of 1929 (100 years befroe the 2nd robotech war and Shadow of the Ninja on NES)

Its based on a book by Jules Verne who did a lot of good cr-p

holy cr-p its directed by Benjamin Christensen who did Mockery with Lon Chaney and Haxan.

It stsars Lionel Barrymore from Captains Courageous and Its A Wonfdderful Life, Jacqueline Gadsden from West Of Zanzibar, Lloyd Hughes from The Sea Hawk and The Lost World, Montagu Love from Son of Monte Cristo, The Man in the Iron Mask, The Adventures of Robin Hood, The Wind and The King Of Kings, Harry Gribbon from Ther CameraMAN AND sHOW pEOPLE, Snitz Edwards from The Phantom of the Opera, Gibson Gowland from Birth of a Nation and Greed, Karl Dane frm The Scarlet Letter, La Boheme, Thge Big Parade, Bardelys the Magnificent, The Red Mill and The Big House, Angelo Rossitto from The Viking, Freakds, A Midsummer Night's Dream and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Pauline Starke from Intolerance and the 20s Dante's Inferno, Harry Tenbrook from King Kong, 20,000 Years in Sing Sing, Son of Kong, Mary of Scotland, nherit the Wind, The Quiet Man, The Ghost of Frankenstein, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and Stagecoach, Robert McKim from The Mark Of Zorro and some 1800s ghomies i never saw in anything

I saw this long ago and thought it was good

it originally had talking scenes and color but this is the b/w version

so after credits and it says its directed by Lucien Hubbard who did writings of films, we get text saying its about men and underwter things  and is in the kingdom of hetvia by the sea

we get shots of people as raging water being oppressed and a guy gives a speech to the pesents who scatter as the horse cops come in

seeing how the ussr and france went when the people rose up, maybe its for the best

by the coast is andre dakkars island base thats guarded and has workers making metal

in an underground water lab these guys talk about this new invention that lets em go under water deep that seems like going to h e double soviet calivornia

the whole island is an underwater volcano and this science nerd describes how that works with cold sea water and hot lavam amiing a new thing no one ever saw

this part is talkie btw and the suit guy sez in a 1 month a revolution will happen and he can become king

oh i just cant wait to be king!

science guy just wants to make sh-t and be free and he's andre dakkar and friends with the wanna be king

then they see this thing in the water and get it out and dakkar explains to kinger theres current that brings water from the sea floor and claims life began in water

even though Creation Science hjas disproven the lie of evolution

so dakkar thinks theres an offshoot in the sea that evolved inder water into sea people

this is some go nagai sh-t man

so he sez theres under water people like eternal champions that are mermaids and watert things and he has proof from the sh-t that comes from the bottom of the sea

Wasn't there an Eternal Champions guy in the sea from Atlantis?

Or Aqua Man in DC?

But actually in REAL life therea sighting of sea things lie u fo's but in the ocean

and stories of things seen in the bermuda trianbgle and the devils sea of Japan(Whisch is on the opposite side of the planet)

so dakkar has skeleton parts of the seaz monkies and they might have cities and its brain is comparable to man in skull shape

and the boen that came up is the jaw bone

and dakkar wants to explore the ocean with this thing he was making in his hidden lab that can go under water and return

its got weapons as they aren't f--king stoopid like in 2001 a space odyssey and go off to the unknown unarmed

kinger wants to use this sea ship to conquer the world as he's the bad guy i guess, but dakkar only wants to use it for science

so we getta montage of the ship being made and the compressed air manifold is dropped and might be f'd

without it they cant go back up so they test it under pressure and this part is silent now

this chick is a countess and is in the lab interested in the ship and ins into this guy nikolai who her and her brother owe a lot to him

so threy put the compressed air thing in and are waiting for the baron before the launch

the baron comes in on horse cart and  goes to see countess who just slipped onto nikolai and they had a romantic moment

he sees em smnooching and sez on behalf of his friend, her bro, he's gonna protect her from nikolai's advances

nicky sez sorry and baron wantrs his a55 whipped but this guy he orders sez on the island; all men are equal

baron b--ches of the sister of count dakkar and a common man being in love and the guy sez he'd talk to nicky

baron goes with countess and guy comforts nikki, then the workers finish the ship and its ready to launch and nikki talks to the guy who is count dakkar and wants to go in his place as pilot

its just a test to go 100 feet  but if anything goes wrong, they won't lose dakkar and dakkar consents to show he trusts him as a friend

Nicky then kisses countess, named Sonia like the Mortal Kombat chick, and he and the crew  go in the undersea ship and have a silent moment for prayer

the ship launches and we get a good miniatuire shot of it goiung in the water, then theres shopts of the machinbery going and people at stations

it goes undr water and they open a metal thing over a glass window and look around under da sea to look at fish

at the island; dakkar sez to baron he can communicate woith the ship in the ocean and reveals a communicator like a power rangers thing that he eventually uses to talk to the other unit on the sub

this part is talkie and the ship sez its 230 feet deep and baron, who doubted it copul;d work, is impressed

there's a 2nd ship if the 1st works but all these horsemen ride in and 1 guy working for them in the castle lets em in

dakkar realises baroin brought them over and they come in and waste a buncxha guys with rifles

countess sonja escapes to her room and lockds the door but guys are on it so she gets something with a hidden safe and closes it b4 they come in

the commies artrest sonja and baron mordo wants to capture the ship when it surfacves

dakkar is caught and they want his secret papers but he sez he dont have em

so the ship rteturns and nikki comes out and is fireed on by snipers so he escapes before becoming j fk 0

the snipers get on the ship but it goes down and they jump off

dakkar is being tortuired with rope trying his legs to a wood thing between em and baron comes in and sez that wont work

dakksar wants revenge and baron has then tie up and tighten the ropes on ther legs of sonja as she sez she won't tell

imagine if they forcefed her to make her a fat load and used that to make him talk?

dakkar tells her to talk but she dont and bites it somehow

wait, she jusat almost bit it and they bring her in and upstairs

if this were made in japan thewy'd be b0ning her

they take away dakkar as he laughs and baron checks her out as a guy is behind the curtains in the room

underwater these on the ship guys go out in sea suits ands come in a hidden area on the island through hidden passages

1 guy strangles the guasrd of dakkar and takes him and 1 suit guy looks for sonja and finds the guy behind the curtains who sez what happpened

he sez to find where sonja is and he's gonna be back and they return to ther ship and take off their suits

dakkar is with em and was in a suit and wants to ice baron who's named falon like jimmy fallon

but baron took sonja and suddenly; they get word on the communicator from sonja whjo sez she escaped  and tells em to come for her at midknight by the rocks

then its midknight and jimmy baron fallon is ready with his goons at that spot and reveals he toryured this blonde with the leg rropes to send the message

the shhip arises rodimus prime and they use a  view screen to see sonmja on the rocks

they get a team with weapons ready and sonja is ties to a thing and yellling for them to not come as its a trapo

the baddz fire on the ship and it starts getting f'd in a cool scene with minisaatires

it goes under and 1 guy, i think mcteague from greed, comes in sand frees soinja and sez the crew of the 2nd ship are on board but under guard

if they capture it, they can get to the sea floor and get the diving suits

mcteague and sonja sneak around and he takes out a guy but more guys come and he hides her and hides in the shsadows and pup[pets the guard he just nailed

they don't notice and he gets her and get to the 2df 2 but are seen as he's getting in after her and he fights em off and gets in

then jumps the guard inside and more guards come in and a fight breaks out with mcteague gewtting capped

he sez to close the thing and turn on number 4 and baron gets on and the ship launches

mcteague bites it, but hes ok, he just needs some rest, theres a hospital planet nearby

sonja takes a grenada and is gonna blow em all to h-ll but nails the pressure thing

i guess they're gonna asplode or inmmplode now from the pressure change and poop out their guts like in Men Behind The Sun 01

the air compressor is f'd and they can't rise again as they can't puut air in the tanks

as ship 1 sinks it starts to deal with water prressure and water starts coming in

tthey got 12 hours of light and air and they don't know how deep they are

they think they are gonna spend their their last hours seeing rthing no man hasd seen, including the sea people 

they saee this huge crab thing that is designed to survive under dep pressure and if it was higher it would asplode from anti pressure

then they land in a cool area that only silent films do and see sea guys

the air people close the window to the sea people and thousands o sea guys stsart pulling the ship around

thety oipen the blinds and see a roman slave ship that ben hur probably esacaped fromthe air people think the sea guys are gonna attack and they usse a battering ram with a sheep head on the ship

they cant torpedo or it would send the ship back from recoil and then this sea lizard cpomes up and preys on the sea guys who flee

its done with a lizsard with a sail and horn put on it

the air people watch the lizard and fire a t\orpedo at it to ice it

they get the meta suits to handle the pressure and pressureize the ship area to equal the water pressure and they go out

meanwhile, the 2nd ship is moving around on the bvottom and fnds the other ship and the sea guyss

sonja makes a deal with baron to go there and get the air compressor to fix this ship and batron has her go with barons minions

ship 1 guys meet the sea guyus and see ship 2 and ship 2 guys go out and reiunite with the ship 1 team

they talk i tbink and baron meets dakkkar and they have a robotic fight

death match! duel on the sea floor!

barion gets a spear in his face through the helmet and his blood leaks out

as the sea monkeys dont know what it is; they spazz out anfd unleash their homie; a gionormus octopus, but the title cards call it a "slugish creature"

ship 1 is almost outta air and som,e guys go in, take off their suits,its nikki and sonja, and make out

tthey get the compressor and the octops comes for em with a cool shot of it asbove thje sea guys

they get back in their suits and i tjhink they are the only survivors as the sea chimps have icesd the other suits

they return to the ship with the sea midgets comming for em and some other guys have survived

the sea monsters come in up to their necks but return and look freaky as h-ll

this sea octopus is bigger than the ship and its tentaclers come in and grab the guys, even though theuy are too small betweenm shots to be that big, and ice a guy or 2

its on the ship and they insatal the air compressor and the sea octopus in on the ship

the ship takes off annd the octopedo falls off and they ascend

meanwhilew; barons forces have captured the island and his menb are partying and b0ning like in The Ten Commandments with the Gold Cow

the suit guys return and the woprkers are armed and fighting back

nikki sez they are his prisdoners and they win but then dakkar sez everyone has to get out of the shipyard before sunset or gets executed

the people escape and a busted up dakkar sez he's biting it but don't wanna be remembered as a guy who made a killing machine and the buildings on the island start popping and burning

he dont want another diving ship made so hes gonna sink it with him in it as a grave

he wishes happiness to sonja and nikki and is carried into his ship and drives it down

kindda like how in Godzilla 01 the guy went out wuith the Oxygen Destroyer

the end

that was pretty good

nice half talkie with good effects and story

good references to real dangers like sea daemons and communism

i never read the book and hear the 60s movie is good but this was o youtube and is probably public domain 

good twists and feels and its based on Captaiin Nemo's origin story, even though dakkasr bites it at the end, although we dont see him bite it so he could still be alive

I like how it used science like wayter pressure that is pretty much ignored in later things like Transformers

Its pretty good and is an interesting film to see

For The Mysterious Island 2 I want it to be years later and nikolai and sonia are married and have a kid, but get a message from the communicator of the ship dakkar went on saying how to make a new ship and where to meet him. they do it but find its a trap and the sea guys have used their evil tech to manipulate the body of dakkar and read his memories in his brain so they could make a new ship designed by their experts so they can use it to take on the surface! Nikki and Sonia and their teen son also have been working on things anmd made undersea power suits that let them fights better and turn into mini sea crafts to fight the undeersea things and try to keep the ship out of the sea guys hands (who are revealed to actually be daemons and their tech is actually daemon magic). Its also a 128 bit game like Robotech Batttlecry on Sega Dreamcast, GameCube, PS2 and Xbox where you play as nikki, sonja or the teen and each has their own abilities to do different missions and take on their bases and factories and just take em down so they don't get us.

No comments:

Post a Comment