Friday, September 30, 2022

The Man From Beyond Review

 Note : I spell magicly delicioous

The Man Froim Beryond

This is my review on The Man From Beyond from the distant future year (to Caklligula) of 1922 (100 yewars before Robotech 2 The Sentinels)

It stars Erich Weiss Aka Erich the prince of the air (Which is like the Bible thing abnou Powers and perimncipalitries being daemons) aka Herry Houdini who was into some dark arts things, Luis Alberni from Svewngali/The Mad Genius/The Ten Commandments, Nita Naldi from the 20s The Ten Commandments/the 20s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and the rest i never heard of and were from like the 1800s

I never saw this but heard HH did movies and looked it up and found this

its directed by Burton L. King who did nothing i saw

so after title and credits we getta Bible verse of how those in the graves will hear His voice and Resurrect

in the artic of the north people go around in dog sleds and 1 is francois dival whos a half breed like inuyahsa and a soldier of fortune

the polar expedition is lead by greg sinclair like greg snegodff and ian sinclair and is a science nerd and he cant go on as he's f'd out but duval sez those with em who stoped to rest froze

duval leaves greg to die in the ice and finds a ship frozen in the ice so he goes back for him

in the ship which looks ghostly and cool they find a man frozen in a block of ice who has a hateful look

1 gjy chops open a frozen door and its suval and looks around the ship for looot as nerd chex out the guy in the block of ice like a mario game with ice flowers

duval chops into a door and nerd is curious and looks aorund with duval and reads papers

a book from 1820 sez the boat is going under and to ditch it and it was left miles away from where it is now

duval chops at the frozewn guy and nerd reads a letter to a sister from the boat and theres a girl on the boat with her dad and the ship was blown off cource

duval brings tthe frozen guy he chopped out from the block into the ship and hes got a wounbd on him and they build a fire and take off his clothes

they rub him andhe opens eyes and it cuts to this boat at sea and a storm happens

a guy is arouund and meets a chick and then therews wind and rain and oh its a flashback and the chick wants someone to save her dad

this movie seems to be taking a long tme and itrsa only 15 mins in

so frozen guy gets in a fight ND gets hit in da head andthe guys ditch him and its back in the 1900s and he wants his girl

nerd thinks they brought him to a world he jas nothing in and frozen runs around in crotch rags in the snow and thet briing him back to da boat

to keep him from eating his gun, they donbt tell him the truth and say they'd help him find his woman

then its civilization and he takes a car to professor crawford stange(dr strange?!) whos nerds bro in law and ARE GONNA GATHER INFO B4 TELLLINg the world of it

at there, some guys neice felice , the same name as the fromzen guys gf, and dr treas=nt is gonna marry and theres a ceremony yhere

frozeno think the chick is his gf and talks to her but is pulled awayby like a half dozen guys

she sez she knows nothing of him and fronazo keeps comming for her AND SHE SEZ SHES NOT AFRAID AND IS OK WOITH HIM

he sez hes howard her gf, like howard from big bang therory who's actor supports evil and tried to be a magician and she dont know him

1 guy called the cops and the nut house and ftozano asks why shes marrying him? did she think he bbit it? and talks of the voyage

then we getta flashback with he goes to see the gf in the boat as her dad is sleeping by a chessboard and they make out

dad wakes up and he hides behind her back and he sleeps aghain and they probably b0ne in the REAL version

a sailor comes down and sees em and dad wakes up and ftrozeno goes upstairs

in da 1900s they give frozano a chance to speak and she is falling for him and fronazo sez how captain tried to humnilkiate himin front of gf by stringing him with a rope on his leg

he gets out and is caught by boat guys and sent below

so da cops come and nerd dont wanna interfere until the full story is told and says fronazo is his guest

so the cops take fronazooff and chick goes off to him and 1 guy vows to look after frozano after his relase

chick asks nerd where her dad is as nerd is her uncle and he sez dad turned back after hearing she was sick from treant

she sez she wasnt sick and her dad isnt here and suspects  trent but he sez to finish the wedding peach then search and tries troo mooch her but she dont consent

she wants to find dad and i think blacks out and is carried off and trent didnt expect nerd to return and asks duval wehere fronzao is from

chick sez to i think nerd that trent sed her dad was sick in da north and wanted her to come and as she cant go alone, she was gonna marry him

trent tries to turn duval to his side and sez he can help frozano if not for his mental issues

so so frozano is locked up and they tie him up and wrap him in sheets and run him through cold water that is sdaid to be not allowed today

so latert they go to check on him and hes broke outta huis bondage like f--kin rasputin b4 the brits and soviets iced him and escaped and chick comes by but hes out

we're only half thrpough? this is kinda dragging

so trent turns to marie lagrande whos successtful in things and needs her help as a last ressort

shes mad at him bringing devolved i mena devault i mean deval i mean duval and trent sez he needs to use him to find out ABOUT FDRONZO

she has a drink with him and praises him foir being strong even thoguhg hes french and thus evolutionarily challenged and wants to know of his brave things

next to the strange's home is trents place and hes away from the main people where he keeps animals in the basement for experimnents

is this gonna go fullmetal alchemist?

so later a guy climbs the wall of the house and to the window and its froneowho sees chick at her window

he comes in and she sez she went to the nut house to see him but he was gone

he explains he wiggles outta his bondage and we see it in fleshback anduses the sheets to make a rope to climb outthe window

we see a cool silhouette of him on a bridge with a light sky and him and the bridge being dark and its like german expressionism a bit

he gets down this railed off area on the sheets he took and climbs down and gets to a wondow, then goes down to ground leveland comes here after getting cleaned up

she asks what his gfs name was and he sez felice norcross and he last saw her in fal 180s, to him a year ago

she shows him the newspaper saying 1922 amd he realizes all hhe knew is gone and hes a stranger in a foreign land

hes bummed and she saez uncle sez hes froim the great beyond, not the mysterious beyond from the land before time sequels and sahe needs his help to find her dad

frozomo gets a semnse from beyond that he has to save her dad and i think theres a flashback of him fighting the sailor and being left on the boat

he sez howew he keeps dreaming of his gf asking to save her dad and something kept him back, but instinct sez he knows her and she sez if he loves her to help find her dad

he sez he does and he will andsmooches her and goews out te window

so she comes down and asks  uncle nerd about felice w/e frozmos gf was named and he sez its her great grandma's name was norcross and her sister felice was lost at sea

she asks if anyone who bit it can come back and he thnks if footage from lkuike 30 mins ago with em finding the fromo and how his soul sunk back into his corpse

he thinks of reincarnation and how souls who left b4 finishing something cvome back

what is this? the crow?!

so in trents lab the trenat calls and sez he has news of missing dad and to meet him at the lab

2 guys come and he has thei coats taken and marie takes their coats from trent handing em to her and then chick and uncle come in

the 2 guys were cops and its said that theuy think the dad prof strange was iced by froxxzo and his turning back wwas a lie

oh and frozmo was there and sez some guy knoewws prof strange dad wasnt weith em but they need more than his word

marie is cuddling duval and i think they b0ned and he comes out and sez frozmo iced him as there was not enuff food for all of them

he gives items from the body he claims he took froim the body and chcik sez they were her dads

frozone is charged with icing dr strange and he sez he never saw him and there is a conspirtacy against him

he's taken off and tells devual to tell the truth, which he does and sez he got the items from grande marie

well i ddint see this comming, normally they have the false witness hold out until its nearly too late and something big shockls him into it

so i think they arrwst devolved devalut and in da house i think the ttrent comes in2 chicks room and sez hes taking her to frozomo to help as per nerds orders

she dont buy it and waves in a driver and who comes up and calls for help as trent has caught her

driver and trent catch her and put her in a blanket and carry her to da car and hide her under the seat

there a maid in the house and she saw no thing and later 2 guys come to the house andf see a rat on the stairs

they find a pocket tripped from a shirt and iut has crawford stranged initals on it and find a hidden passage undere the stairs

the people under the stairs?!

btw this is a dark mruky hgouse and not much light so its rough to see whats what but it might bne intentional as it adds to the moiod and theme

in the hidden area they find a passage and find proffer strandge who was kept prisoner and tortured for a year by trtent

he has a pet rat and i think sent it out to help himand sez treat was hear 30 mins ago and wanted him to sign his property over to convert into money

he sez he gave him everything and trent sez he's gonna drug chick and make her marry him to get her share

they go off to save the chickand treant has her caught and is gonna inject her with his aids or w/e but forzone comes in and lets her go for no reason

she runs to frozone and frozomomofights ttrent and punches him in the ear but driver grabs trtrent i mean zrozen man and treant punches him

man the fighting is cr-ppy

she runs out and driver goes after her and trent and frosty fight and break through the cr-ppy woofd door and around trhe outside

then they are at a cliff that came outta nowhere and fight on it and nearly fall off and frozeno beats treant over the edge

trent seez chick and goes to save her from driver and evantuallty she gets off in a canue but thetres a f--king waterfall right over there

frozeno goes in da water and swims after her, but more slifes in the water

somehow he catches up to her despire her being in a boat made for water and him body moving and catches her canoe and holds it near the edge

is he spiderman?!

so the boat goes on to the edge and he fklip[s it as hes a caveman with sduperhuman powrrs and holds her as the boat goes over

he swims with her on his back as driver watches and gets her to a rock ad i thinkj shes bit itsomehow

he brings her back on land and she's alive and hugs him andf then we cut to him reading a book by the house and chick comes out and they read arthur conan doyle 

he thinks they loved each other in a past life and are meant for each other and  1 guy sez "the great teachers from zopproaster to Moses to Jesus who made ciilization possible taiught of immortal souls and reincarnation"

i'm pretty sure Moses and Jesus did NOT terach that

unless this is like one of those redefining things like saying David and Jonathanwere in love

See also Roy Mustang and Ed Elric in FMA, Rick Hunter and Roy Fokker in Robotech, and Jim and Jock in Huckleberry Finn

In other words: Non Canon!!

As for Batman and Robin: you never know when the comic guys retcon things

They did it to batwoman, wonder woman, one of the robins and supewrman jr

imagine Batman in the Batcave thinking: they're turning heroes, who's to knwo when i'm next! 9Behind him is the Joker about to hit him with something long and blurred out)

sop frozono sez their love is so good it will always be and we see the ghost of her great grand aunt come on her

they hug and hold each other

the end

That was pretty good

not the best i've seen and it takes a bit to get going, but its not bad

the editng could be better but iu think there were frames missing

its got things inspiring encino man and demolition man and captain america

i hear it was made to help patch up the relasationshup of arthur conan doyle and harry houdini after they f'd out ffrom doyle believuing in scams of fake psychics and jharry trying to explsain its fake

its like telling a guy wrestling isnt real

him; people get hurt!

me: they also get hurt in movies, plays, ballet,

him; have you ever beemn in a fight? have you ewver been in a smackdown??

bbut this was a good mystery film and i think thew whole "fish outrta water, unknowing of this new age" thing wasan't used as much as he had no reason to think its been so long asnd he went with it

it had some good twists and i didn'rt se most of em comming and it stands out from the pack with those

i only saw it as on brad meltzers decoded he mentioned houdini's films and i decided to look ewm up

glad i saw this one, it was different and had some good stuff

For The Man From Beyond 2 I want hhim to become something of a celeb with his actually living in the past and telling of how things really were, but the things he says dn't synchro with what the mainstream says and the media tries to have him wacked to cover their cover uyp, so he goes all ninja on em and finds a secrewt group trying to control things by handling what info is allowed from the past, and now he uses his 1700s/1800s skills to kick a55 and take em on in the roaring 20s! Its also an 8 bit platform game like Phantom 2040 on Game Gear but on Nes, gameboy, Sega Genesis I meaN gAME gEAR AND mAXTER sYSTEM, tg16, atari lynx and 780-0 wjere you go around woith jumping and fighting and solving traps and puzzles and take on the group trying to lead hmanity away from Ther Truth, in the end they fuse into aa huge flesh monster and you gotta use your ssecret ABILITY OF kI aTTACKS FROM fNGERS TO HIT ITS VITAL AREAS AND MAKE IT IMNPLODE AND F OFF CAPS lockl i hate you sodomizing my letters, go to a c0nd0m factory and get filled with used spurm!

Wednesday, September 28, 2022

Game Reviews Volume 24 From 2022 Part V

Another bunch of reviews on games I played and most of em I beat from August to the end of September

Just beat Fullmetal Alchemist: Dual Sympathy on DS. Its a Beat Em Up based on the 00s anime and has several Minigames to unlock. 2 buttons are Attack and 2 are Jump and you use the Touch Screen to do Alchemy by tapping the left/right corners. Touch the center to choose from other Alchemy you unlocked.  Sometimes you gotta draw a Transmutation Circle on the Touch Screen to get past a part. You get infinite Tries as you an Choose Continue when you bite it and it puts you in the last screen you came into, even on a boss fight. Its not only wailing on guys, but sometimes you gotta tap the screen to use Alchemy at the right  time in the right area to make the boss vulnerable or wait for him to attack and you use a Cannon Alchemy. Its got good stills from the show and some parts are voiced by the cast. Other than the 90s dub of DBZ, I think FMA was the only thing funimation did right, but I haven't seen most of their work as I prefer cool anime like Devilman and Cutey Honey and Hokuto No Ken and the Slayers OAV's and Urotsukidoji and Kekko Kamen and Yugioh. I missed a bunch of eps  of the anime but did see the 00s movie with Fritz Lang so this filled me in a bit. This has good music and art and graphics and plays pretty well but some things are hidden so you outta watch a longplay if you don't wanna  wander around for a while. It saves but only has 1 file and it restarts the story mode and you gotta start over when you finish the game. Some boss fights are  withstanding their attack as their life burns as they attack. This is a solid game and is better if you like the show. It cost a bit but I'm glad I did it.

Just beat Rainbow Islands Extra on my 218 Sega Genesis Games Multicart. What an Ordeal! This is one of the most angering games I've played. Its the sequel to Bubble Bobble where you play as this fat kid who can't run fast or jump well, but can throw rainbows to walk up or hit enemies with. You can get Power Ups like Shoes to run faster, Red jars to give up to 2 more Rainbows or Orange jars to make the rainbows form faster by eating enemies, but if you touch an enemy you bite it in 1 hit and lost it all. Enemy's don't resummon but that's not good as you need em to get more power ups. If you take too long the water starts to rise  but it only happened to me once. You gottta get to the top of all 40 levels with every 4 levels being 1 Island. Also you resummon on the boss if you fall on him, but have no power ups so its harder. You get 2 Continues but it SAYS 3 on the screen as I think it counts the 1st run as a Continue, but that's NOT what Continue means! It means RESUME! If I open a book to start I'm not RESUMing! To quote Megatron: Its either lying or stoopid! You end enemies by hitting em with Rainbows but if you Touch it with a jump, it breaks and falls and takes out any enemies close and collects Items it falls on. If you beat a guy by breaking it, You can get Gem. Get all 7 Rainbow Crystals in each Island and you can access the last few levels, And get them in the last 3 to get the good ending. The problem is: sometimes they don't give you the last Gem and you can either continue playing a game you can't finish, or restart the whole thing! And this is a long game! Its WELL over an hour! And unlike the Master System one, there's no Passwords, Saves or Codes! I did it on Easy and it took me several days to get it done. On Normal the bosses are too fast and attack more. Plus the control is bad! If you fall, you can only inch to the side and often fall into enemies. Also if you tap toward a Rainbow, you speed to the top, often into death. The game DEMANDS perfection and ANYthing less is met with failure. Its awful to make it far, only to be 1 Jewel off from making it and all enemies are gone. After you bite it, when you resummon you are invincible for a bit and touching enemies Jewels em, but it doesn't last long. Its got nice bright colors and the music is a rip off of Over The Rainbow from Oz, but the gameplay kills it. Often I'm in a situation there's no way out of and I bite it. Now that I beat it I never wanna play it again. I hate this game and want it and anyone involved to burn in the black pits of Dante's Inferno. Oh and if you get all 7 Jewels or get enough points you get an extra guy. And when you fall off a Rainbow or platform, you slowly fall until you reach something to stand on, which can take a while as many levels are long blank voids where you use Rainbows to crawl to the top. There's a mode where you can do the main 7 levels but it ends with "play the extra mode". Also 1 button is Jump and 1 is Rainbow and you can change em around in options but you use A/B to change things instead of the D Pad. Oh and you can start with 7 guys per go but you can only have up to 9 lives at most. If you get the Gems in the right order you can get permanent upgrades but I found it better to try to get all the Gems fast so you don't miss it.

Just beat Grind Stormer on my 218 Genesis Games Multicart. Its a Shmup where A/C is fire and B is nuke. Its 6 worlds and after that it Loops. You get up to 5 Continues normally but if you Hold A/B/C on the Title Screen and tap Start 100 X you get the option for Free Play in Continues which means Unlimited. And you'll NEED em as this is a fast and hard game. If you bite it you return to a Checkpoint but if you use a Continue, you Still return to the Checkpoint but you get a Full Power thing that lasts until you bite it. 1 touch and ur iced and returns to no power ups, but you restore to 3 Nukes and the Full Power thing gives you 1 more. Using a Nuke makes you invincible wile its blasting. Its got nice graphics and good music but has some inconsistent slowdown which can help but theres a LOT of enemy shots to dodge but a Nuke clears em. I beat it with over 20 Game Overs and using a Turbo Pad to Auto Spam Start so it could be Slow Mo and it was still challenging. You get Power Ups like Missile and Search, which is the best as it auto targets the enemies, and you get several Options that follow you around. You collect POWER capsules that increase your attacks but if you collect another Weapon type it replaces your current one. I liked it but its quite hard, even with Infinite Continues and a Pseudo Slow Mo. Glad I did this one but its a Challenge.

Just beat Rise of the Robots on Sega Genesis. Its a Fighting Game where you play as the worst character and fight the other 6 without Continues. A B C is Punches of Light to Hard and X Y Z are Kicks of the same. On a 3 button pad Start switches between em. Also they all look the same but have different speeds. In 2Pmode 1 is always the main guy who looks like Pepsiman and 2 is never him. You press the D Pad in directions, but don't do it too fast, then press any button for special moves but its hard to pull off. Often you can exploit the AI by standing in a corner and holding Back, then kicking to make em jump attack, then kicking again when they are blocked. After a move hits, you or him or both move back, so some guys can be beat my tapping H Kick and taking a step so ur outta range of his counter. The 2nd guy can be beat by couching and hammering H Punch as he walks into t. The 2nd last guy can be beat with Down, Up, Attack, to do a headbutt, but you gotta press Attack b4 you jump from Up. I beat him by walking close, ducking and using Heavy Punch him in the parts like Jean Claude or Johnny Cage as he jumped over me with kicks. But it didn't always work and if he got too far too 1 side he'd get me in a corner and wail on me. If you block you still take damage but its less. The enemies can beat you in like a few hits and block often, but if you play smart, you can out think em. The game boss is the easiest as you only gotta hold Back and H Punch when she deflects off. There's also a Training Mode where you choose 1 enemy and face him that you can do to lean their moves. Its not so bad once you know how to manage the bad AI and learn to counter em. Its actually got impressive 90s CG Graphics like Beast Wars but in some ways: Better, But they didn't have to do 26 eps. The music is good and 1 guy from Queen did 1 song. It can be beat in like 20 mins but is tough, Like Contra. The gameplay isn't unplayable and the credits mention other consoles. Glad I played this.

Just played Ys II: Ancient Ys Vanished – The Final Chapter for NES/Famicom on my DS R4. Its a dir4ect Sequel to the 1st one where 1 button is Item, 1 is Wand, Start Pauses and Select opens a Menu. Its an Action RPG where you fight by ramming into enemies at a bit off center to beat em, or use a Magic Wand to use a Fire Shot or other things. You buy Armor and Weapons and Shields to boost stats and can use Items to advance. There's good 8 bit Graphics and nice Music as well as it Controlling Nice. You gotta Grind a lot to get strong enough to get through, but its not bad and can be done by fighting the same guys in an area that resummon when you go offscreen. The Bosses you usually beat by firing a Magic Fire Attack as walking into em damages you. Its best to use a guide as there's some maze like areas and some things don't tell you what to do. If stuck, try various items. Around halfway through the game, After the Ice Area Boss, My game glitched out, I can walk anywhere and the area is ghosted over, I can't leave and can walk into enemies but am like in another plane of existence, I reloaded my save state on my DS R 4 and f'd with the settings but its always the same. Like with Y's 4 on Snes. I wanted to beat this, but I did my best and tried. My 1st time I got caught where the Door to the Ice Area wouldn't open so I Restarted and went Right in the Door instead of going back for a Healing Flower. Its a good game I'd like to have finished. Glad I tried it. You can save almost anywhere and can heal in some areas by standing still, but you need the Robe from a cave in the side of a wall on the Ice Level to do it anywhere. If you bite it you reload from 1 of 2 save files to use. Despite being called The Final Chapter, it had many sequels, Like Horror Movies.

Just beat Return of the Ninja for GBC on my DS R4. Its kind of a platform action game where you play as a Male or Female Ninja and fight through 6 levels with unlimited tries. But you gotta beat each in 1 guy or you gotta start the level over. 1 button is Jump, 1 is Attack and Select uses a Magatama Bead you collect to do a Super Attack and Start Pauses. You can collect Items you keep until you bite it that let you do more things like Walk on Water, Burrow through Ground, Do a Super Jump by holding Down for a bit, Cling to Ceilings like Spider Man, or Glide on a Cloth like Mario's Cape in Mario 3. They are always in the sane area and you an get Rice Balls or Magatama Beads from slaying enemies. Holding Attack lets you charge up and fire a Shuriken  and crouching then pressing Jump lets you back flip. If an enemy sees you and you don't end him fast enough, the security gets tight and you got more enemies and obstacles, but you can undo this by going in and out of doors. Its got nice 8 Bit graphics and cutscenes that look good and fitting Japanese Music. It can be tough but with unlimited tries you only gotta keep at it til you get good or lucky, but some levels are kinda mazes so I say look up a guide if you get lost. Its not bad and can be beat in like half an hour on a perfect run, but you'll probably spend more redoing things. Glad I played this. Oh and its by Natsume and is said to be based on Shadow Of The Ninja, but I think both are quite different in Gameplay, style and story.

Just beat Wendy: Every Witch Way for Game Boy Color on my DS R4. Its a Platform game by WayForward who's usually great and had nice color and music with kinda good Digitized Speech. A is Jump and B is a Magic Blast that can be improved into a Spread Shot by collecting Stars that also work as Extra Hits. You get Unlimited Continues and 5 Guys for each to get through it, and using a Continue makes you restart the area instead of from a Checkpoint, but the game isn't too hard. Using Up ore Down and Jump lets you flip Gravity and enemies are in it too, and you gotta use this to get through areas to the end. Theres a 4 character Password and it comes up between levels and  its colored shapes. Spikes end you in 1 hit but if you are careful, its not too hard to get through with enough Trial and Error. I played the 1st 3 Acts but the game kept freezing so I couldn't do the flying levels, But I was able to play the 3 bonus levels that can only be done on GBA and they were the hardest. I eventually got through em and the Credits plays and it said The End. So I'm gonna count it like how I beat Super Mario 64 without getting all the stars or doing the clock level, or beating Super Hang On without doing all the tracks, Or beating Street Fighter II without using every character. Its a good game and has nice visuals and style. Its based on The Wendy The Good Witch from the Casper Series and was gonna be for a new show of it, but the show didn't get made and the game is all we got. Its well made and plays well and has a good feel and style while being forgiving. the levels aren't long and you can do em in bite sized missions then Resume with a Password. If it didn't freeze on emulation I'd have had more fun, but what I experienced was a good one.

Just beat Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg on GameCube. Its by the guys who made Sonic Adventure and plays similar. You play as Billy who looks like my cousin Aiden and roll around huge eggs you enbiggen by running over fruits and they do higher damage but more a bit harder.  A is jump, B fires the egg but it comes back unless its off a cliff or if its thrown in the air, X and Y use Animals you Hatch from the egg, L centers the Camera, R hatches the egg if ready but if moving lets you rush. Using  A in a jump lets you bounce and can go higher, The C Stick moves the camera and if you Rush and Jump you can do a long jump. Its got bright cheerful colors and nice music that I can't understand most of the words, and its story is like Rock A Doodle where this kid gets in an animal thing and fights evil birds by getting these good birds to crow and the sun comes back.  There's like 7 worlds you gotta do various mission on to get these Emblems like in Sonic Adventure and in the Eggs you hatch, you can get power ups or these Neopet looking things that have abilities based on elements like Ice and Electricity that can clear obstacles or wipe out enemies and can be used up. You have 3 Save Files and it saves after every area beat. Also are Coins to find and with enough you can summon Sega Characters instead of the Neopets, but you gotta find quite a few. You can also hatch eggs that have Minigames to play on GBA with a connection cable. You usually only gotta do the 1st 2 levels to Hatch the Golden Egg to free the bird, and the other one  to beat the boss, but you can unlock more missions by saving your friends in those missions. I didn't like the Game Salesman Missions of collecting coins as it was kinda annoying and the Free 8 Chickens as it was kinda long. If you bite it, you return to a checkpoint and all opened areas/collected items are there. The camera is kinda bad but not as bad as Mario 64. If you are moving and a wall goes on the camera, it moves like the wall is stopping it, then where you are aiming is changed and you can fall off. It could use some control tuning, but I had a decent time with it. Sometimes you gotta roll an egg down a rail and the egg falls through. Also it can be hard to judge where to go in the 3D. Its not the worst but I think Sonic did it better. Its got a fun style and feel and some parts are kinda fun. But if you meat a goal, like beat 100 foes,  then you gotta still go to the Emblem and that can be a while off. Also Billy can't do much w/o an egg and if you jump wrong, you can have the egg stuck on a ledge you fall off. I often have dreams of playing Sonic 2 and going through rings in a Bonus Level and going under water or in a night sky thing or by a beach and I think its was foretelling this as you go through Rings and jet around. Overall its not bad and if you run outta guys you reload the save file, also you can farm lives by hatching the right eggs as each egg always gives the same thing based on where its found. I'm glad I did this. Its lite, cheerful and has a good 00s innocence of it. A bit of tuning and it would be great.

Just beat Lady Sia on GBA, Its an action game where you play as this blonde chick who's kinda french and can turn into a Sasquatch Giantess that looks like the Catgirl from Darkstalkers in some bosses. A is jump, B is Sword and after beating certain areas or getting certain items, you can use L R and the D Pad with A/B to do things like a combo or cast a spell that uses up Magic, but the only one I remembered to use was the Water Magic that makes you invincible for a bit. in Sasquatch Mode L and Left/Right is a Charge and R is Block and Jumping and I think A or B makes you slam the ground. If you use B and hold it, it charges a Magic Attack and it goes for a bit before poofing out. Its Got good Graphics and colors and controls mostly well but often its tricky to catch a ledge or go off without catching it. The D Pad up activates switches and goes in or out of doors, and up/down lets you look around. In each level you got things to do like collecting Gems or freeing captives and if you beat it with Full L:ife/Magic and all Gems/Captives, you get a Perfect Score, If you get Perfect on each Level you unlock more levels but its not needed to beat the game. If you reach a Checkpoint then each time you bite it, you resummon with the same Life/Magic/Gems/Freed Guys but if you made it with 1 hit left, you gotta be careful. There's Unlimited Continues and it saves after each Level. I thought it was pretty good and it came out around the start of the GBA. I recall reading a Nintendo Power Advance Magazine that mentioned it to promote the upcoming GBA along with Super Mario Advance, Castlevania Circle of the Moon, Pinobee and Hot Potato. Its got a style that's like a more impressive GBC thing and is a bit more experimental in looks than later games. Its also got that European feel and some of that late 90s attitude. some parts are kinda annoying but its more forgiving than you'd think. Oh and the story is pretty nice too. Glad I got this one. Its a solid 2D adventure.

Just beat Ninja Cop AKA Ninja Five-O on GBA. Its by Hudson and Konami and you got Unlimited Tries to get through 5 worlds of 4 levels each. If you bite it you start the level over but they can be beat in a few mins once you know how to do it. A is Jump, B is Attack with Ninja Stars, but you can upgrade 2x, although getting it lowers the Level, Holding L lets you look around with the D Pad and  R is a Sword, A and B uses a Super Move that you gotta build a Power Bar by icing guys. Enemies don't resummon, except Bats sometimes and you gotta get Colored Keys to open the Colored Doors. You also gotta rescue captured guys and attack at the right time or you ice em. A i\n the Air lets you use a Ninja Chain to swing from or climb onto and A when crouching is a Slide. I played it on Easy as I think it was the Default thing and the game stopped after Level 3 as you gotta do it on Normal to get the last part. I hate that. Imagine if I started watching a movie  but because I came in the wrong door, it  ended half way through? So I played through again and got the To Be Continued again as it was already on Normal and by pressing the D Pad, it went to Easy, So I played through a 3rd time and after beating the 3rd area took a break. On the next night I went through the last 2 areas and these were pretty brutal. Often I kept going into doors over and over because I hit Up when I pressed Jump and Jump again or Attack to aim. Its not impossible but it gets pretty irritating. Nice Colors and Music and it controls pretty well often, but that Ninja Chain gets kinda tricky to do. If you Chain and are against the wall, Using the D Pad has you move a bit off and Jumping can let you go higher. But it was kinda tricky to pull off.  Overall its a well made game and is pretty fun, until it devolves into 2 hit kills and cheap hits. Although you can Quit the Level any time to start over. Oh and some levels have you start with the same Power and Life as when you ended the last. Glad I did this.

Just beat Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games on DS. Its kind of a mini game collection where you play different events using various controls like the buttons or touch screen that doesn't always work. you pay as around a dozen Mario and Sonic Characters and each has their own stats like Speed, Power Stamina and Skill that help you do better in some rounds. Often you gotta run by rubbing the Touch Screen in a pattern and use the D Pad or L/R Buttons. Some events like the Triple Jump or Javelin throw were tricky as the touch screen wouldn't register the slice. There's regular events like the normal Olympics and Dream Events with more Video Game things like Items and Special Attacks. There's a Free mode to play any game 1 at a time and a Mission mode that has each character do some thing I never tried. In the Circuit mode you play a few predetermined Minigames and doing better gets more points, At the end, whoever has more points wins. Also you can have a Coin thing you can use once per tournament that doubles your points gained from that event, so use it in one you are good at. 1 thing that bugs me is if you wanna quit or start over with the same contestants, you can't do it between rounds, so if you screw up, you gotta hammer buttons to get to the next one and THEN start for options. Also there's a lot of cutscenes of the characters before and after matches you gotta tap the screen to get through. The Graphics are nice and theres voices and music from both series that works well. Even if you get last place in an event, you can make up for it in others. Each event has instructions to read before starting. Overall its a pretty nice game and is a good Crossover of the 2 franchises. Glad I did this one. Oh and I only used Sonic Characters except Robotnik.

Just beat Pokemon Puzzle League on N64. Its a Puzzle Game where you move the icon around and swap blocks with A or B and match 3 or more in a vertical or horizontal line. If you get multiples or have blocks fall and match, you get to dump a line on the opponent that they gotta match at least 3 blocks next to and turn it into normal blocks. Thicker lines need to be done one row at a time. If the blocks get over the top of the screen its game over but you got unlimited continues so you can play til you get good or lucky. You play as the main guy from the anime before he devolved with the bad art style and its got the season 1 and some of 2 voices from the 4Kids dub. L and R make the blocks rise faster so you have more blocks to match but the screen slowly rises as the game goes on, unless you make a match, then it stops for a sec, but you can still makes moves so it can get you enough time to get through. If you play on Easy it says "try Normal, But after "beating" it on Normal, the game stops near the end and says "try Hard", which kinda bugs me. I hate how games don't let you finish the game on Easy or Normal, Why even have the mode if you can't beat the game on it? Imagine you won a trip to Japan, but the ticket only goes to california and to get the rest of the way, you gotta go to new york and get a different ticket! But that only goes to hawaii, so you gotta go back to new york to get the REAL one! I mean its not that hard a game,but having to go back and redo the whole thing as I was on the wrong mode is kinda gay. Then there's a Harder Mode but I got the credits and its only more of the same kind of battle so Imma count it as beat. You don't need to get all the Stars in super mario 64. Also you can choose how many rounds there are but I did 1. There's also a 3D mode with you do it in a Cylinder and loop around, but I prefer 2D. I liked this and this is how the 32/64 Bit Generation should have been: Better looking 16 Bit Games and not bad 3D.

Tuesday, September 27, 2022

Abraham Lincoln Review


Abraham Lincoln

Thisa is my review on abraham lincon from the distant future year (to lincoin) of 1930 (90 years before Trtansformers Super Gods masterforce)

Its diurected by the robotech i meANB CIBNNEMA master D W Griffith who did Ameerica/Orphans of the Storm/Way Down East/Intolerance/The Birth of a Nation/The Avenging Conscience: or "Thou Shalt Not Kill"/Judith of Bethulia and The Musketeers of Pig Alley, oh and A Corner in Wheat

It stars Walter Huston from Duel in the Sun/Dragon Seed/The North Star/Yankee Doodle Dandy/The Maltese Falcon/Rhodes of africa, Una Merkel from The Bast Whispers, Lucille La Verne from Orphans of the Storm/America, Otto Hoffman from Noah's Ark, Edgar Deering  from Scarlet Street/Samson and Delilah, Russell Simpson from the grapes of wrath/Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Kay Hammond from The Ten Commandments/The Greatest Story Ever Told, E. Alyn Warren from Outside the Law/The Unholy Three\The Trail of '98\Son of the Gods/The Hatchet Man\The Mask of Fu Manchu\The Devil-Doll\Gone With The Wind, Jason Robards 01 from Bedlam, Ian Keith fromn The Ten Commandments/ the 40s 3 musketeers/Two Ar ab ian Knights\Queen Christina\yjre 30s 3 munketeers, Frank Campeau from intiolenance\The Kidf/Marie Antoinette, Hobart Bosworth from Captain January, Henry B. Walthall from Judith of Bethulia/The Avenging Conscience/The Birth Of A ation/The Scarlet Letter/Wings(ah gay!!!)/The Faslse Faces/The Devil-Doll, and a few 1800s dudes i neever heard of

I saw a few mins of this b4 but not the whole thing

Its based on the republican president who the media and elites hated but won rights for a group of people seen as sub human, even though the mainstream hated him for it

So like Trump

So after title and credits, its the diustant futrure year of 1809 and slaves are being brought over in boats after being caught and soldfd by other africans

4 guys have a driink to no sound and tthen in another cvity i think they chat with no audio to make it more muysterious

its a dark and grey thing that looks like a comic or 29s movie and is good

on feb 12 1809 this farmers woman is pooping out a kid and its longer than an arm and looks gross

the mom names it Abraham after the Bible Guy or the Dracula Guy

later hes working as a clerk in neew salem and is smart and humble and peqceful

this guyt called armstrong is might gon beat abes skinny a55 but abey stays cool

like the Hokuto Shin Ken sayinmg: Violent water facing violent water desyroys bith, but violent water in calm water is absorbed

so armstrong bring hinm out for a fight and its mostly grapples aand throws

abe lincon wwf?! He IS Trump!

abe saez hes the big buck in this lick and dares em to face him but armstrong sez hold off and abe is one of them now

if this were the 80s, he';d be in a biker gang across the nuculkar wastelands

they ggetta drink of corn liquor and abe  drinks from the barrel as i guess hes jesse the body ventura

1 guy sez he lifts 500lbs and lincon dont drink as hes goit one more thing in common with The Donald

later hes splitting logs with a spike and hammer as his gf reads him a law book and lincon flirts with her and almost smoovches but his boss comers by and sez he's paid 40 cents a day to work,, not b0ne

oh its his uncle and lincon is splitting rails and needs to make more but can do it anbd hsi gf falls off the log pile on her a55

they asay if the other bit it theyd not wanna live and laugh it off

latwer lincon wants toi marry her and has 3 stores that went under liker Trump going bankrupt and recovering and she finds his face attractive as i guess she had an ugly fetish

no offense, but you gotta admit, he looked a bit devolved

so she agrees to marry him and the camera moves off and i think they b0-ned

so then theres a sad moment of her biting it and abe seeing her 1 last time

I saw the ep of In Search Of History about linconb and he had a sad life

kinda like Sir John A MacDonald of now soviet canada

so lincon is all f'd out over his gf biting it and they took his pocket knife in case he wants to seppuku

so hes kindfa spazzd out and hears singing and goes off to the grave and it looks like a good silent film and he hugs it

so i think he recovers and ttheres a wordless exchange ewith lincon on a big black horse like Raoh in Hokuto no Kem meetinga guy in a horce and cart

later marry todd is planning on marryuing steven a douglas, who might be relaterd to michael douglas, but not the fake one who's kirk douglas's son, the tim burton batman one who goes by michael keaton as the fake douglas stoole his name and the film actorsa guild wouldnt let real douyglas use it

so mary might want lincon ANd goes tio a dance with both there but dances with douyglas as lincon watches

but not like dbz p0ern0 where 18 is b0ned by a big gross guy like bacterian and krillinb watches

linxon comes in andf meets todd and she likes him as i guess he's got a stove pipe d0ng fropm being 9'6 or 6'9 or w/er

so he dances with her and later gets his stove pipe hat and hes marrying the maRY BUT IS FREAKED OUT BY HER AS SHE THINKS HE CAN BE PRESIDENT and he dont wanna let her a55 dowm

so lincon is late and nervous and still misses his 1st gf ann w/o an e

is this like robotech with lisa missing karl?

so hhes not there and they think he ran away and the weeding is f;d

then itsd 2 years later like pokemon black amnd white 02 and lincon coimes, wait, i think they were dating 2 years and recnsile

so then theres people with toarches and signs fopr douglas or lincon and gotta choose who goes to senate

at da debate, doglass dont wanna open the issue on slave owners rights as the supreme court settled the issue and decided for us

but lincon is antio slave owners rights and wont let the states suceseed as a house divided against itself falls

although to be fair, when Amerivca was founded, it wasa from 13 colonies breaking off from england and their empire

so isn't it ironic that lioncon went against the south wanting to do that?

like how people say that about America fighting the viet kong as both were rebellions

so i think lincon lost and later thinks he'd f;'d it all up bvuta guy namned mr fell comes in and wants him to be the Republican Camndidate for Prez

after john brown went on gee haad, the nations on edge and soviet new york wants to quit the union and lincon dont want that

lincon jr comes in and sez its dinner time AND takes a brerak for dinner to meet later.

So then the people are complaining that john brown took over an armory and gave guns to slaves, which is fitting as democrats wanna take guns from people

1 indentured servent threw away his gun and ran as he don'tt like freedom, like people who like all the gov and union limits, and told the people, kinda like flasgging things online you dont like

so the people are gonna get their guns to defend themselvers like  Mr Zimmerman or Mr Rittenhaus as they dont wanbna be murdered like with nat turner or o j simpson

John Wilkes Booth, A Democrat Actor, vows to cap any Abilitionist whoi ciomes in his town, Totally not like the Film Actors Gio.d members hatting on Trump and wabnting people blacklisted for not supporting the chopping up of the Unborn

then lincoon and wife move into a new place and shes b--chinbg about howe cr-ppy it is and how rert-rerd the servants are

then fort sumter is attacked and the staff wanna gie in top the confederates despite lincon as prez

oh hes prez now, i thought hisas woman writing president a lincon was a fun thing

lincon dont wanna relieve it and hopes it wont cuase a civil war but weait i think, yeah its form his officer saying dont do it, but lincon does it

then 4 30 am april 12 1861, the south fights the unioniites at fort sumter and UNlike Trumpm, Lincon started a war

so lincon needs 75 000 lvolunteers tom fight the americans ofd the south and signs something

so then we see soldiers marching and people cheering as they go to ice their felleow Americans, as the same happens in the south with Confederates

like lincon, i too like the Confederate Anthem Dixie, its a nice soung with goodf feels

so the people need a win and are bummed and lincon tells a story of a man making a boat to cross a river and got impatiuoant and drowned so he dont wanna rush into anything

like sonic 06 or cyberpunk 2077 not taking the time to finish the game right, but Sonic Mania DID and was GOOD!!

so people tleegraph and get orders and messages and some weanna tell the prez good news that they won

oh ands its the unions and if lincon captures richmond now they can end this war and lincxon will be the best president until 2017

he wants to have the telegra,m and show it to mrs lincon and wants to be called lincon instead of mr prez or lncin

to quote beast wars, they got it all sewed up, but megatrons gonna rip it wide open as lincon comes in and hears they got f'd

so the reserves and 5000 have gathered and the washington miught egt f'd by the south and the presidents men want him out but he chooses to stay and run things himself

kinda like George W ashington taking on the britmos or Trump taking on the commies and purvoes

so this soldfdoer is gonna be ecxecuted and lincon comes in and finds he was a desserter but linkon asks him about ity and the teen sez after trying to take a stone wall and and he saw his boyhood chum iced and had an autism attack and freaked out

lincon sez theres too much killing and sez The  Lord gave this guy timid legs and pardons him as its not his fault

like Trump and tiger king

so latyer the people are disgruntled by the slaughter all the way in soviet new york and candya55 new england and the people want him to let the south go

lincon is binmmed and lincon jr dont weanna go to bed as he wants to be with his daddy and as dads the prez, if he sez jr can stay up, moms overturned

is this like biden jr and his deviancy?

so lincon sez  jr is the only one who thinks he otta rule and sends him to bed

lincons men see it and lincon sez he feels for the country and wants peace that is kept by keeping the union together

so then we see slaves  working on as boat and pilling ropes and singing of weanting freedom like the canadians under adnya66 trudeau

so linxcon does the enamcipation proclamation which iss the gov taking away the right to own slaves in certain states, which is like with Trump helping Then Unborn, But there's more Unborn than indentured servants and EVERYone was Unborn at one point while most were not slaves, so Trump did it better

so later l9ncon hears thgeres 600 000 guys after him in the north and hundreds of thousdands ready to tryu to overthrow him, even from his home state of illinois, like how the commies wanted Trump out as they claimed he was bad or unfit, even though they lket backdoor biden get away with far worse

so he talks with his woman about how hes worried and cant sleep and she sez they had it bettter in springfield

she gets him his slippers and he thinks grant will win dfa war

spoiler; grant trtied to kick the jews out of the area as he feared theyd sell to the south and lincon stopped him

so lincon meets grant who smokes a lot and asks him to be the highest commant the prez can give and they hasnt had 1 since washington

lieutenant general grant is ordered to win the warand he sez he will do his best like kopmoe from eiken

lincon knows the Right Honorable Robvert E Lee is underestimated and he wants to clkunter with grant whos underused and he'd keep all the people against him from opposing grant

lincons woman comes in and dont like the smoke and leaves and he thinks of starting smoking

lincon wants to win the war to save the south like how bush went on all thoise wars or w/e

so latyer hes with general stanton who mgiht be maxfield and they need sheridan, maybe not kelly is on a mission that might f up grants eins

lincon has visions of ships with White sails when something gonna go goodf andf he has it now

so later these unionityes are having coffee and 1 hears cannonfire and looks like hitler a bit and they hsendsse it from the ground

they go to aid grant and i think it was sheridan and sheridans army is beat as sheridan was away

thinks look f;d and hes gonna ditch richmond and sheridans trops on horses race to the fight with a smoke coverered battlefield like Birth of a Nation and people running around

look he usaaed the same anghle as the klan riding in from that too of sheridan comming

so sheridan and friends come in and has the retreating army advance and wins the battle

lincon hears and how they caught many prisoners and hopes for more prisoners from now on

so people are riuding on horses and in night asnd i think its southerners and its The right Honorable Robert E Lee who is gonna surrender

Lee goes to bed and the Confederates catch a spy and have an order to execute him

marshall signes it and lee finds out and sez thhey cap spues to protect armies and the army is almost over so dont end him

why are they talking slow and standing therte?!~ the man is gonna be wacked!

so marshall goes off and lee breaks down on his bed

lincon ad grant are in a room and hard drinking grant sez the Confederate Americasn can only last a few days more and the evil general sherman is crushing em, which means hes torching their homes and looting their property

like the self hating whites in protests when a junkie bites it and they blame the Good guys

so linkon is glad to have the countrey back and 1 guy wants  all Confederate propertu confiscated and the dissenters executed like its china

but lincon dont want em robbed and executed for being like Geoerge Washington and is willing to let The Right Honorable Jefferson Davis escape

meanwhile, Democrat Actor John Wilkes Booth is p-ssed at Lincon for giving rights to those the left sees as sub human, messing with the courts, being against the press, and he fears he'd make himself an unelected tyrank king for life and continue the "damage" he's done forever

TOTALLY not like tyhe colbert show guy Soviet steve and the majority of the film actors guild

so he plans on wacking lincon and later lincon is at dinner and was reelected and keeps takionmg his feet outta shoes

lincon sez the prohibitionists called to whine about grants boozing so he sez if he knew what brand he drank, he'd give it to all his soldiiers

they plan on going on a world tour like rampage after the next 4 years

like a cop movie where he's got 2 days til retirement and and the he's going to go on a cruise with his wife after catching mendoza

and john wilkes booth is teaming up with guys to liquidate lincon loud and b0ne all his sisters as a harem and thinks about cassiuuous using a dagger in that play, i think julious caesar but guns are safer

on april 014 01865, lincon goes to se a playn and this is like in Birth Od Na Nation and gives a speech of forgivemness and good gov and healing

his woman is proud of him and johnny parks huis horse and goes uop tyhe stairs and sneaks around and from offscreen eventually caps lincon

totally not like the guy on the grassy gnoll, then jumps to the floor from the balcony and yelsls, sic semper tyranus and runs off

so lincons woman is f';d out and then we see a darkwoods in miniature and a log cabin then the lincon memoriall which might be a mniature but i;m not sure

they play Glory Glory Hallelujah and show a saintly glow behind the stature

the end

that was quite good and told a nice life story

showing how a regilar guy with an f'd up life made a difference

every lifre can matter if given a chance

you never know where it will lead

good acting and direction and writing

nice olde timewy style and nice lingering silent film style remnants

plus its public domain and can be seen by anyone as it wasn't renewed for copyright after around 20 years

it doesnt make the north or south look bad, but showws both sides doing what they did

Griffith does it again and tells History in a grande way

glad i saw this one, it holds up werll and shows things we the people were unaware up before

plus it has a LOT of rhyme with modern day things like the Unbornn and Trump

For Abraham Lincoln 2 I want it to be about the adventures of Joghn Wilkes Booth as he escapes the unionites and they ice the wrong guy and say its huim, then he goes on some mystic adventure through the war ruined south and makesd friends with various peopel and a sasquatch and they go around from town to town helping people oppressed by the unionites. Its also a 16 bit Jrpg like Legend of Wukong or Journety to the West on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and TG16 where yhuoum play as Jjjon Wilkes Booth and fight american cryptids and cannibals and unionites who eat people and bandits and wildf anaimals and the game boss is a thunderbird thats a long reptilial creature with leather wings and as crocodile head and daemon magic and instead of magic, Booth has gone Catholic and uses Rebuking to fight daemons.

Saturday, September 24, 2022

The False Faces Review

 Note: I spell facely good

The False Faces

Thids is my reviewe on The False Faces from the distant future year to Yagyu Jubei of 1919 (90 yeasrs before  the 1st robotech war)

Its directed by Irvin Willat who did nothing i knew of

It stars Henry B. Walthall from Judith of Bethulia/The Avenging Conscience/The Birth Of A ation/The Scarlet Letter/Wings(ah gay!!!)/Abraham Lincoln/The Devil-Doll, Lon Chaney from The Unholy Three (both versions)/West of Zanzibar/Laugh, Clown, Laugh/Mockery/The Unknown/Mr. Wu/The Blackbird//The Phantom of the Opera/The Monster/He Who Gets Slapped/The Hunchback of Notre Dame/The Shock/Oliver Twist/Flesh and Blood/The Ace of Hearts/The Penalty/The Wicked Darling/Outside The Law, Mary Anderson from Cheers for miss bishop/Gone with the Wind, and some 1800s guys i never heard of

I never saw this b4 but its based on a bok by Louis Joseph Vance

so after a few title cards and things its called the further adventures of the lone wolf

a quote sez no man is justified in surrendering when love and life are out and then the title

so its the western front with civilization fighting a blood crazed king and his wold hordes

oh its ww1 and while they are probably meaning the Kaiser, I think the king was worse with his daemon worship and dark occultism

or are those yugioh cards?

so spotlights look for survivors and on the soviet brittish front they are by a nbo mans land

in the pc game bio menace or w/e was a lebvel called no mans land that i recall

so this guy is crawling in the ground and avoids the spotlight finding him as the battle goes on and then some soldiers come out of the trench and rush

the crawling guy stops when the light is on him and biullets come by him and evantually he gets past the barb wire(nnot the pam anderson moviue) and mewdics are on the move

1 guy escapes the barb wire and ohhhhh i thinbk its a frenchie! and gets to the britys side and they're cockney!

he sez hes escaped from enemy trenches and they think bnes a derserter but he reveals hes American and has good info for the commander

the evolitionarily challenged brits bring him and the commander looks a lot ike joe stalin who recognisses his voice

crawler dont give his name yet and in a table place he sez he';;s michael; lanyard and not stalin recognizxers him as the lone wolf whos a theif who not stalin was chasing as a secret ser vive guy chasing him over europe

its revenaled a guy called elesrom or something, is still alive, but the words are cr-ppy film quality as this was made back when we had civil war surivors

the crawling guy whos the lone wolf reveals he was exiled to belguim and lived with his sister who raised her kid

ekstrom attacked with blonde german warriors in the war and ekstrom is lon chaney and was paret of the partisans in the underworld and had wolf taken off as he and huis menwent in the sisters place

he coems back to find her and her son iced and the house smoking and i think in the real version he b0ned em dead

this movie is racist against germans. although if they REALLY wanted to make em look bad, why not make em cannibals? at least there we got the brothers grimm and that guy who invited a butt buddy over for dinner

but i thinkl the Best German is Eric Carle who made The Very Hungry VCaterpillar and despiter a rpough time, stayed positive and pure

honorabl emntion to Uwe Boll as Postal is the 2nd funniest movie I've nseenb, with number 1 being The Human Centipede 03

so not wolf went after the lon chaney germanand joined the German Secret serv cie under a fake name and found lon shaney is going to America and needs not stalins hjelp[

so they go across the atlantic rimin a boat and try to avoid German Boats and wolf is under a fake name

this chick names cecelia brooke is there who he;'s probably gonna fall uin love with, a wounded liirtnenet of ww1 and mr crane of the u s sescret serive

lon is on board in disguise to get brit docs for america and 1 guy tries to get into a door or locker nimbere 27

2 boat guys plan to sound the subbmarine aleart and main guy the wolf is in his room and someones turning the knob slowly

he turns out the lights and gets hius firearm  but the boat guys sound the sub aleart and cvsall all passegnders on deck

in da chaos, the 27 door is open and it turns out the sub aleart was nothing there and the guys return to their rooms

wolf asks chick why she tried his door and she sez her door wasnt locked or bolted and one cant be too careful these days

she was in room 27 and he goes to his room number 29 but finds  her in the door conmnecting them and sez someone f'd her rooom and took a jewel box from her bag

he finds it and her jewels are there and the box was in wolfs room

he sez someone planted em to frame him as the theif didnt find what he wanted and they ahve a common foe

they decide to team up ike batamn and superman in the 90s superman cartoon the worlds finest 

so its the 4th day at sea and hessees her with wounded guy and then gets in a fight with a guy attacking her buyt the guy pulls a knife and after gettign nailed, therows it and runs off

it pins her dress to the wall and she sees the wounded guy is f'd and she dont wanna get a dr so they take him to his room and he stands guyard as she gets nbandids

evantually he goes out and sees her at the knife fight place getting something and he gets back b4 her and sez wounded guy needs a surgeon

she sez to wait and gives him a cigarette and sez if hes caught with it it might be his end and he accepts

she lets him out under darkness of turned off lights and tends to wounded guy and wolf in his room hides the smoke in i think a needle fort injecting heroin or cocainum

theres a fake suimmon to come to deck and he sez to tell the dr hes comming

a hgerman sub is near and as wolf goes to turn on the light, a germnan gets him at gunpoiunt and another covers hius eyes with a cloth

they want the cylinder and search his clothes but not his a55 as this is the 1910s and guys dont use a suitcase as prison lingo sez

they tie him up and check his cr-p and say he has 2 mins to tell where it is and he slips out of his bondage and slaps the guys gun and fiught him

the other guy gets the cylinder i thiunk and cap his partner as he weants all the reward and escapes but main guy chases across trhe boat

this is like sonic 2 with the flying base

so he catc hes the guy but is grabbed from behind by a 3rd man and beat out

then a sub is seen and the guy thgrows wolfd overboard and comes to the german sub and is helped by them

wait im not sure theyre german and wait, they say an american destroyer is coming and wolf sez hes in the kaisers secert service and is taken  onboard

at new englands coast he's still on the sub and i think this is where the 90s robotech return to macross comics got it from

they are by marthas vineyard and they say they are celebrating the sinking of the boat he was on and he claims to be a dr and hsi papers are on thr ship

he claims to have let off a flare ion the boat and the captain sez if he is lying hes ice

1 shipman is a prussian and is hated by the bavarian captain and sez wolf cant leave the boat

he looks around when other saare out and finds 5000 US Dollaers and later prussian comes in and has a drink

prussian sez captain is hauinted by those he iced in the war and is the one who fired the torpedo on the lusitania

although i hear the brits had a hand in it as they wanted america to save them from the germans

so captain drinks and sees hallusinations of those he iced in the wearand we see them out the window in water and rotted and ghosts in front of him

he fires his gun at one and a living guy behind the door falls and has a note saying something about lon chaney and wolfs cove name but its in cr-ppy handwriting

he races back and finds prussian drinking with wolf and sez to report for beign friends with the endmy and prussian cant take captains sh-t and caps him

what is he? Starscream?!

so he sez somethign i cant read as the video quailty is a55 and has a drinkand goes off all f'd out

wolf checks trhge body and finds the note and he realizes that its ln chany as the guy on the boat who gave the signal in disguise

prussiann comes back and says something ic ant read and has another drink andf spazzes out and bites it from his heart giving out from the stress and booze

alcohol kills more than aids, so iuf yoiu wanna live, yoiu  better get the aids

so he gets out ioof da boat wthrough a door in the floor and takes a row boat out and the sub sinks and i think takes its crew with it

then its socviet new york and wopunded guy and chcik are alive somehow and think the cylinder is sunk and wolf goes to his lair in new sodom new york

in the lons lair in a hotel he does stuiff and in wolfs lair he reads the paper saying the sunk ship had surviuvors znd chick was one of em

he calls her hgotel and wtrityes something and wait its the receptionist or operator writing something

lon has the cylinder and hides it in a smoke and puts on a big hat and goes out

at the brits secret serv ic e place in new york, wait, why?! this isnt soviet england! its America!@ We kicked their candya55 in 1776! what next?  a Japan base in pearl harbor?!

so wolf gores there and so does lon and wolf is told to coem back at 9 am to see the coloniel

hes sent out and realizes that someone is impersonating him and sneaks aroudn and loos in awindow

yes cuz the sec ret ser vine has windows in meeting rooms anyone can peek in

in the troom is a painbting of what looks like a daemon faced man with a big toothed open mouth and half the face shadoweed over

or maybe its cr-ppy picture qulity as this was out in ww1

so he sees the lon meeting the guy and llon is given the combo to the safe and is told to see da colonel at 12 pm no am and goes off

wolf was in the room by the curtains as there sno secutiry in brittishness and has a taxi follow lons tai

it  rams another car andnis stopped for a bit but goes on and i think he makes it to the pplace lon was

at a meeting lon talkk with guy s about how the wolf got the paper and sank with the paper and 1 sez the wolf might still live

lon almost smokes but stops and sez he'd do anything to find the cylinder

main guy the wolfd is lurking aorund and lon goes out and the colonel is told that the wolf will meet him at 12 

wolf gets past the giuards and hides in the curtains as the prits are cr-p at secutiry and lon meets the colonel and shows his passports from wolf

lon gives the cylinder and wants 10 000 $ as a reward or he'd sell it to the germans

you know they can wack you and say "it was for the regent" for hiunting you can give it to the Kaiser

they pay him and he goes and colonel dont trust hima nd goes 

butler checks the safe and gets something and goes and main guy wolf goes in da safe and is tempted to take the jewels but only takes the cylinder

he puts the other cr-p backj and lon comes ina d checks the safe and when a guard comes in, lon capps him

wolf catches lon and lon reognizes him and long slugs hinm outand runs but llon gets away too

wolf returns to his hotel and chick comes by to see him but is told to wait in his apartment

lon and gang are in there and captuyre her and tie up his swervant and leave and when wolf gets backm hes told by servant what happened

so at lns lai they driink and tie up the chick as main guy claimbs a craine and swings across on a rope to the building to get past secrutity

he sneaks aorund and as long is gonna b0ne the chick, wolf gets her i mean him at gunpojnt and takes his guns i think

instead of gibing him 2 in the head, olf fights hima s lon sez he's not arfaid of an unarmed man, and they beat on each otherfor a while and throw items as chick watches and probably finds it hot like normal guys and cat fights

she gets a gun ad lon is beat out and lons droogs hear theviolence and come to da door and start chopping it with an axe

wolf blackens lons face witn fireplace soot and soaks lon with water to wake him upp 

as he gets up, his men see him standing there with a gun and shred him with bullets and wolf and chcik escape as the goonss atre looiong at lon

they escape to the brit base and reveal the truth and send the brits in to attack the germans in there

in a taxi, wolf and chick ride in the back seat and she wants the culinder but he sez wait

he reveals lon throw him overboard and took it and he thinks theres something going on at colonels office

at the brit base they are photographin fingerprints and think chick did something

chick and wolf come in and sez lon sod him a cylinder that was stolen and lon was iced in the raid and wolf gives him the noney

he reveals the fountaiin pen had the cylinder and the butler was a spy and goes but 1st says bye to chcik who reveals her brother is the wounded guy

she knew the whole time he was the lone wolf and he seems to want to be her butt buddy

the end

Oh and the copyright thing on iit sez 1918,. so that explains the WW1 themes

I liked this, Lon shows good evil but isn't in much of it

good editing and filming and twists in the story

nice aCTING and wrioting

cool effects and style

i liked it and it holds up pretty welleven tthough it was made for a WW1 Audience

Fore False Faces 2 I want the germans to unleash a new style of armor that runs on magnets and draws bullets to armor plates so thwy ae invincible, but turns off whehn they wasmnna fire back. Also The Lone Wolf is sent to germany to get the plans for it, but finds by living amnong the Germans, that they are not the bad guys and are trying to stop the evil brits from crushing em for going againsat their lusty king, So The Long Wolf has to choose to do whats right or not, Also its an 8 bit Point And Click Game like thaT 8 Bit P_hantaASY sTar game but on Sega Master System, Game Gear,NES, Gamwe Boy,m TG16, Atari Jaguar I mean Lybnnx and 7800 and you go around talking to people to get the plans, but can choosde to side with england or Germany

Thursday, September 22, 2022

Kit Carson Review

 Noye: I spell like Kuit from Tailspin and Kit from Ride but more human

Kit Carson

This is my review on it Carson from the distant future year (to jesse james) of 1940 (70 years before Japanese Transformers season 3)

Its directasl by George B. Seitz who did the 30s The Last of the Mohicans and a buncha andy hardy things

it styars Jon Hall from Mutiny on the Bounty, Lynn Bari from  The Great Zeigfeld, Dana Andrews from The Ox-Bow Incident /The North Star/Three Hours To Kill/The Twilight Zone, Harold Huber from 20,000 Years in Sing Sing/The Good Earth, Ward Bond from Noah's Ark/Affairs Of Celini/The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse/They Made Me a Criminal/Gone with the Wind/Son of Frankenstein/The Grappes Of Wrath/Santa Fe Trail/Sergeant York/The Maltese Falcon/Tall in the Saddle/t's a Wonderful Life/Hondo/The Searchers, Renie Riano froom The Picture of Dorian Gray, Clayton Moore from The Son of Monte Cristo/Black Dragons/The Lone Ranger, Raymond Hatton from The Cheat/The Ace of Hearts/the 200s The Hunchback of Notre Dame/the 30s Alice in Wonderland/In Cold Blood, C. Henry Gordon from Scarface, Stanley Andrews from Mr Smith Goes To Washington/The Son of Monte Cristo/The Ox-Bow Incident/It's a Wonderful Life/Samson and Delilah, Edwin Maxwell from All Quiet on the Western Front\Scarface/Tiger Shark/Duck Soup/The Great Ziegfeld\Mr. Deeds Goes to Town\The 30s A Star Is Bor, George Lynn from The Great Dictator\The North Star/The Snake Pit\The Day the Earth Stood Stil\The Lawless Breed, William Farnum from The 30s Count Of Monte Cristo/Cheers for Miss Bishop/Captain Kidd/Samson and Delilah, and a buncha 1900s guys i never heard of

its based on a historical figure who i think was into dark occultism

I never saw thia b4 but might have read the Classics Illustrated Comnic Dacades Ago

So after logo title and credits to 40s music, its in b/w and proper ful screen

then text sying in the 180s America was wilderness and guys like kit carson went there

then theres guys on horses with cowes going throuugh the wasteland and having caught beavers for furs

1 guy keeps wasnting to advance forward and never look back like the G Gundam thing

they come by indian horse tracks who went to the woods from the trail and 1 guy thinksd theres no indians here

the an indian uses a bow/arrow to j fk a guy and a swarm of em attack

he indians have guns and go off to swoop back in but the Americans use their rifles and a boomerang for some reason to takeem on

so the batttle goes onand 1 guy is gonna sneak out at night as the indians have thuinbgs about attacjking at night

kit i think gets a gun and ammo from the fallen and crawls back ,then they use ropes to drag the bodies back as i think they might eat em

Kit goes off on a horse with 2 horses that have the bodies he got tied to em as cover and the 2 surviivers stay back making yells

the indiansa chase kit and he rolls off a horse as it goes on with a body on it and snewaks off

clever girl


then its fort bridger and I think the 2 survivors sgot out as the indians attacked Kit

the captain might send a scouting party to look for kit as he sed he'd be back in the spring but wiill give him time

So then carspn kit and the 2 guys come in making yells and throw a boomerang as a joke but captain nearly caps em back to h e double soviet california b4 being happy to see em

kit is told theres people at the base who want him to bring em top candya55 california

kitr sez the indians iced his  group comming and kit shows captain the gun the indians had

they fought for 6 hours and and kid wants to refresh his a55 in the creek in a bath and rest.

soapp in a hotel in a bath with running water is 30$ a day but kit owes captain as no one pays as thats why it costs so much

so kit and his droogs take a bath togerther like its Japan and sing buffalo gals ands some army guys come in wanting kit to ber a cevilian scout for 100$ a month

they heading to candsya55 califoirnia and the guy i called captain actually isnt but is a homier of kitr and da real captain wants kit to guide women and kids through the dangerous area

kit dont think its good but captain is going w/ or w/o him and a homie of captain tries to guilt kit intoi it

also on the other side of te wall is the womens bath with chicks in it, bjt the water is jet black like its made of pepsi andwe don''t see her nips or the guys long thin parts

so captain goes off and da chix b--ch about kit not conxenting so kid slips the soap under the wall and goes to get it and the chicks scream

is this where anime gets it?

Its like Eiken but we don't see the K Cips

Also: Why is the wall over up to the water level? Anyone can go under it and b0ne da chix!

the chick in there is the kid of aa guy who owns half of california

desatroy it! before it devolves into new sodom!

so captain tells the people they are still going w/o kit and captaiin is nice to chick and talks about how kit is the best man for da job

so chicjk goes to see kit and hes got his naked feet out, which in some Bible talk, Feet refers to man parts, so in the real version his weener was hanging out and flopping around

she offers kit 1000$ in gold and expenses, and 200$ for his homies

he sez if he was offered 10 000 hes not do it and she goes off

so thgey're gonna fal in loe and have 500 babies right?

1 hoomie sez the indians will get her and kit isnt please and homie talks of how they got nothing to do 

so the wagon troop goes across the mad max waste land and kit and his droogs come by on hoirses a55es and he comes on as wagon boss

kit has em slow down and he goes on the head wagon and takes a guy thgeres place with the chick

captain comes back and talks with kit abbout indsians having guns and wanrts kit to come to the front but kit stays back with the chix

they go on across this vast area as indians watch in da distance and at night they cook food

kit offers chick some food but she has her own

i think captain aska general as i think i f;d up again, is into chick

so later its 8 pm and they eat wild antelope which i'm not sure if its kosher as i know jack sh-t about antelopuse

1 of kits homies has indian scalps as a jacket to scare off enemies and they say indiians cant go to indian heaven w/o a scalp

You know whast they say, when god gives you lemons, you find a new god!

also he wants to have a rug of indiian scalps as he knew a guy who had it, but really its fake

btw, wearing human skin? what is this?? apocalypse zero?

at least we see it unlike silence ofd the lambs

so captain has a bugeler play a song to put his guys to sleep but kit sez it'll aleart the indians

like that meme people joked of

Last time on DBGT! Pan: "Grandpa Hercule! I wanna fight the Shadow Dragons, but I'm dummy thicc! And the clap of my huge  heavy buns keeps warning them I'm comming!"

so these mexiicans i think talk about how the travellers are getting near and they gave indians guns to keepo the Whites out

Which if the roles were reversed, would be called "racist"

so the mexicommander sends guys to stop the general from crossing the sea air ug nevada

he dont want americans coming to cxalifornia and if the captain or general or w/e can get througfh the land, then Americans can get there w/o months at sea

so the wAGIONS go on and a mexico dresses like an indian, which i;'mn not sure the beta males would whine about of not

he goesto talk with the indians as an indian and tells em to stop the americans as its goit kitr cARESON IN IT WHO'DS THEIUR ENEMNY

get f';d caps lockl, go crawl up a dead whal;es a55

so 1 of kits homies is writing some history thing and the horses spazz out a bit so kit and friends tend to em

the horses sensed indians which they say is smell but i think its Ki as once a dog on the other side of the fence was barking, so I cooled my Ki and it stopped

also once i was standing near my aunts dog, and had a negative thought of it, and it spazzed out

also chick's servent talks with chick about chick making kit shoes and other chick the servent sez this homie who's not mexican who has the indian skin has size 12 shoes

that means he's got big parts

captain sez kit and friends lives wild so long they are going wild and kit goes out to see indians talking then riding off

kity knows their talk and finds they plan to take the generals horses

also the tracks of 1 guy are not indian style as they walk different

this is some sherlock sholmes sh-t

so captain hits on chick and wants to marry her as he's into her in a clean way without b0ning

kit rand freiends trturn and he tells chick to go to bed but she dont wanna so he carrys her as he's strong and she's not one of those 800lb blobs on The Learning Channel

he puts her in the wagon and goes to check the horses and sees indians in plant disguises like they're ninja and heading for the horses

they jump out and openm fire but the Americans were ready and return fire and send em riunning like its G I Joe vs Cobra

the watchmen are iced and kit sez to not follow regulations to save lives but general or captian or w/e sez he has to and doubles sentries

kit and homies go to look at the non indfian tracks and finds em by the water

they follow em and find tracks that say he got on a horse with spanish shoes

so kit and friends make a trap and kit thinks its a White Man who gavce guns to the indians and they plan on using coyoite sounds to signal the guy to come

they do and he comes and is caught in the snare trap and hangs froom 1 foot

better slice off the leg with kung fu like falco in hokuto no ken 2

so they tie the mexico up and throw an axe at him but getting closer each time to get him to talk, then a knife thrown like castlevania

mexico homie takes a fire to him and it cuts away as i think they cooked off his parts and the american comes by and se him interrogating him

the americans, including the chick and captain hate on him for torturing the mexican and kit explains he has to fight fire with fire

having beeen in the 00s, i gotta sayy, some things keep coming back

mexican sez he was only following orders, as thats totally a goof excuse, although this was made in 1940 so the axis wasnt as known, and its revealed the mexico works for general castro

not the one from soviet cuba who thery say is trudeaus dad, although that castro never set off my gaydar like trudeau jr or sr

thats not a joke, they really did set it off

so he sez castro is afraid of americans and sent him to stop them from getting to soviet california and castro wanted to rule mexico and california

so like the cartels?

so general follows the law and that the penalrty for giving indians guns is execution

yeah torture is bad but ending him isnt?

after a firing squad, chick sez sorry for not getting how it was and judging kits ways

so the wagons go through the sea airt ah nevada high area and mexico leader general castro sends anotyher miunion like he's a sailor moon villian

later carson wants to take the long path as the hills are fill of indians but general sez his orders were to find tyhe fastest path so he can send an army when needed

captain splits off like piccolo and kami and sez his byes and sez to meet chick later

well, guess thats the end of him

also its to savwe 60 miles and the indians are watching from above

in Conan the Adventurer, its said; the easiest way is often a trap

so the indians send some of their men to attack the army guys and some after the wagon train

eventually the indians drop a rock using a lever whicj i;m not fiure they knew of that tech, and ttrap the army in the valley, then sniper at em like the grassy knoll

kit hears it and circles the wagons but sez to stay to protet the women and kids in the wagon

he sends a guy or 2 out to scout and the indians come up in the nearby plants

the scout finds the idnias but is caught b4 he can fire a shot to warn the others

he breaks free but is capped and kit ansd friends hear the shot and go for it

the indians atteck and its an epic battle of long sahots of the area and the horsemen swarming around towards the wagons

the wagoners fire on em and chick takes one out but feels bad about it as this is her 1st kill

some wagoners get arrowed and fire arrows are uised the people scramble to end the fire

meanwhiule, the captains forces are getting f'd and 1 guy foes to try to getta cross the river

he hides underwater which is SMART as after a few feet, bullets do nothing in water

kits guys are gettign f;d and kit sees he needs to reunite with captain to stand a chance and he and goes off with dino might in a wagon

he leaves his indian skin coat friend in charge andhe and chcik fire on the indians after kit

kit fires on the fire to light it and races the horses then unlinks the wagon and rides off so the wagon kamikazes into the rocks blocking em and frees the army

its like with piccoilo freeing kami against garlic jr

so the surviving soldiers race in to save the day and later theyhave a service for the fallen

captain feels bumming for not believing kit when he wanted to save 60 lives over 60 miles and dont feel up totelling kit that kit was right

chick feels bad for being mad at kit for torturing the bad guy and they have a tender soft moment and smooch and captain sees it

So then they make it to mentery califronia and have a dance and the chicksd dad is happy hisd kid made it and wANTS to be nice it kid

kit isnt used to it and isnt big on parties and dancing

the mexicos lead by castro sends a squad to attack the americans and he's gonna be the kibg of mewxico and include california

at da dance kit dont like it and don't fit in and captain comes by and he leaves chick and jim but bumps into a guy who spills his drink on a female

chick dances with captain and kit bumps into opther people and goon oot to sleep in the camp

his indian skin coat guy sez hews in love and kit sez he could bring her on his beaver trapping and it wouldsnt be right

skin wearer sez hje can bnecome a gentlemaN BUT kit sez its not worth it asnd to quit like hes ghonna do

hes gonna ditcxh the wagon guys and skin wearer is bummed as he's in love and at the dance, chick gets a letter from kit that explsained he went

which dont add up as kit cant rrasd/wqright

aptain askds her to marry hium as kits gone and she sez she loves kit but will be his woman

so kit and droogs ride on and see a mexico army wagons that are going to castro to take on America

they get off their horses like Raog vs Toki andsneask in, then take out the guar with a roick to the head

in there kit wakes up the mexico general with tekila in the mouth and takes him prisoner

hes ok being captured AScastro hates him and was gonna waste him and that castro is gonna attack the califrtonians

kit sends his droogs to bring the wahons to captain and he goes off to save America from mexicoes

so the mexicoes are raiding, looting and torching tne american homes andf buildingds like its  self hatoing whites when a junkie gets capped

kit aleartts the americans and they flee andkits droogs get theguns to captain and tells em ofcastros attack

after a montaGE of mexicans icing americansd, which is pretty common when americans go to visit them and get b0ned dead or chopped up and boiled in acid

so the americans cant use the mrxico flag as they'd be outl;AWS so they make it their own country and make a new flag as the soviet re[ublic of califormia

captain joins em even though he's a Ameroican soldier and has his men join even though it might f his career

kit arrioves and sez castro is comming tomnorrow and they raise the california flag

needs more perntagrams, hexagrams, swastikas and hammer/sickles

as they have 1 day left, they go to the time chamber to train foer a wjol;e year in 1 day

wait, thjats dbz and dbaf

so kitreunitewws wirth chick and she's bummed as she agreed to marry captain last night and kit is ok witrh it

its only bneen 1 day?! i thought thjis was ovdr a wqhile!

kit sez castro is gonna blitzkreig and wipe em out in 1 hit, but if they send the civiliasns out, and the main forces to the hills, they can have kit and a few behind and trick him into thibking all the Americans are there, then have the main forces swoop in from behind and nail em hard

if thjey get beat the fams will be ungurrded but if castro gets there, they'd be his butt slaves amyway

so they make abunch of jinzo ningen, or arruficial people to trick casytro and kit talks with captain over chick who actually loves kit and kit sez captain is a better match as he's a genrtlemAN

kit sez he's gonna go off after this and they say farewelles

so castro gets there and starts his invastion but kiot and friends hol;d em off with several guns lined up on the wall

chick is there and helps restopck guns but the mecicoers have cannons andare blowing holes in the bases a55

as the mrexicoes adnance., kit kighta a fse by some barrelsa and i thinbk the fudse goes ouyt so his skin wearer slugs out kit so he wont make it go and blows it himself with a guin at the gunpowder barrels

thats the sifnal andthe good guys come in and stop castro

remember in sonioc adventure 1 how robotnik sent a nuke to station square butit didnt blow, so he went to make it blow himslf right there?

thats what this is!!

genious 300IQ my a55!

So kit is gonna go and chick tries to stop him but hes going but captainn comes by saying the america is at war with castro and kit is given a letter to read

despite never learning to rerad or wright, it sez kit is now a coloniel and kiurt orders captain to march and kit makes out with chick

then kit and captain go off on a new adventure to stop mexico

the end

That was pretty good

well acted, told a good story, nice effectys, good characters

its something theuy'd screw up today by making it dark and bitter and hyper reaistic and disgruntleds

tghis ome was positive and had a good feel and holds interest and kit sounds like bing crosby

i liked this one and it holds uip welll

For Kit Carson 2 I want it to be about hisd war wirtthg the mexicans and they uncover som4e anxcient tech from before Noah's Flood but its too powerful andhard to control, so they are sealking it away, but thisa new guy steals it as he wants to win at any cxosat so kit goes off to stop him before he destroyes the state. Also its a 16 bit figntinbg game ON SEGHA GENESIS, SNES, TG16, GBA AND ATri jaguar where you play aS KIT in storey mode and fight guys in the area to get info, or in free mode you can play as any character, even the boss thats the guy with the tech that is overpowered but if you survive againsat him for 25 seconds, he blows apart.

Sunday, September 18, 2022

Scaramouche Review

 Note: I spell better than queen


This is my review on Scaramouche from the distant future year (To Christopher Columbus) of 1923 (120 years before Robotech Season 3)

Its directal by Rex Ingram who did The Prisoner of Zenda/The Conquering Power/The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

It stars Lloyd Ingraham from Intolerance, Alice Terry from The Prisoner of Zenda/The Conquering Power/The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Ramon Novarro from The Student Prince in Old Heidelberg/Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ/The Prisoner of Zenda/The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Lewis Stone from The Prisoner of Zenda/The Lost World/The Big House/The Mask of Fu Manchu/Queen Christina/Treasure Island/David Copperfield/Angels in the Outfield, William J. Humphrey froom The Unholy Three, George Siegmann fromn Ther Birth Of A Nation/The Avenging Conscience/Intoilerance/Oliver Twist/The Man Who Laughs/The King of Kings/The Red Mill, James Marcus from Oliver Twist/The Iron Horse/The Eagle/The Scarlet Letter/Sadie Thompson, John George from Outside The Law/The Prisoner Of Zenda/Don Juan, Rose Dione from The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse/West of Zanzibar/Freaks, Louise Carver from Seven Chances, Edward Connelly from The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse/The Conquering Power/Camille/The Prisoner of Zenda/The Unholy Three/The Torrent/Bardelys The Magnificent/The Show/The Student Prince in Old Heidelberg and some 1800s dudes I never heard of

Its baSEWD on a book by  Rafael Sabatini who did The Sea Hawk, Captain Blood

I saw this once abnnd I think I saw the 50-0s remake, but I prefer Silent fulms so imma do this

so after title and credits we get text saying in the rule of the frewnch regent king louis 16, wait, its after he f'd it up, wait, its after he lead it down the toileyt and pwople were running outta foodf and realy to revolt

like with the prez in 2021

in a wood valley is a little village like in Castlevania and this guy is iced for steraling from the marquis

andre comes over and he used to laugh at how crazy the world is

imagine him seeing the 21st century? he's go full joker!

phil is is close homie who wants to be a priest  back when the frnechies believed in The Lord before devolving into the marqwuis de sade

then the marquis comes and its not de sade but de la tour like grand tour in dbgt

theres a decree by the national assembly that sez the nobility can't oppress them, but i think like the magna carta, its more of a guide line

look how ma oh charles didn't have to pay an inheritance tax on his getting the queens sh-t?

kinda like how legally, druygs are not allowed and people still do em

so the marquis comes in and hears phil badmouthing him and after being a spaz for a bit, phil backhands him like the b--ch he is

i think they're  gon na del but its with blades instead of yugioh cards and swords instead of beyblades

but phil isn a man of perace and has no exp in swordmanship

the marquis hits on a 5kank and he and phil go to some place for a swordfight as the frenchies are too devolved for guns

the marquis cuts down phil easy and says phil was too eloquent to let  live

andy is mad and calls him out but the marquis doesnt ice him as andy looks at him like a bada55 and the candya55 marwquis poofs away

andy vows to take up phils torch and use the eloquence thre marquis feared to fight back

andy goes to his godfather and kisses him on the face as hes european and the godfathers neice aline has come by and is chatting with the marquis

andy wants justice vs the marquis for his evil but godfather sez he wants the marquis to marry his neice whoi i;;m opretty sure andy is gonna get

she went to versais 2 years ago and andy wants her and he wants to be the light in the darkness, the voice to all those who cry out, ally to good, nightmare tom french!

nbeice comes by and he storms off like a b--ch and godfather sez paris gave himn revolutionary cr-p

andy goes off to some town and its the center of the freedom movement like how in soviet canada the people stoiod up against the frenchie candya55

the kings lieutenent is a devolved looking guy with a huge nose and probnaly would have aids if around today and drinks from a small glass as i think it matches his parts

andy dgoes to see him and uses phils eloquence and moves the luitenent to tears by telling of the marquis's evil, but when he hears its the marquis he spazzes out at it

andy points out that the luientent is unjust and a gross sack of cr-p and the leuiennt wants him arrested for, h-ll if i know, but its soviet frence and they dont have real rights

so he beats out a guyard and escapes and i think a solfier is iced and the people start spazzing out

andy sez the king signed a degree sayting the nobles can't oppress them and they dont gotta put up with their sh-t

the luientent calls for the dragoons to bring back the andy dead or alive and andy is a lawyer like the hero who saved Michael Jackson who looks like kanz from gundam wing

as andy tells the people not to put up with cr-p, a guy snipewrs him, but he shrugs the bullet off  as people were tougher in the past and evolution is fake as if it were real, we'dc be imprioving each generation

the dragoons come out and chop up the people and main guy gets to his horse but chapelier sez he likes his courage and gives him something

i like you, you have b-lls, i like b-lls

so he drives off in his mustang and back in the village, is i think the godfather or marquis and the neice who is playing piano

she hears something and goes to get the musiche wants her to play and she finds andy whohas a bullet hole in his head

ewhat is he? rasputin?

so its marquis and he finds the msuic she left to get and andy wasnt to ice the marquis

the dragoons come and she sends him through a hidden passage to escape and she fakes him not being there

the dragoons have a warrent from ther king for andy and i;'m not sure what his actual crime is as he only joked about the devolved guy

but in soviuet england, they charged a comedian for having his dog raise its paw as a nazi thing for a joke, so those eurotrah live in h-ll

so the next day, andy is out and sees a frenchie attacking a chick and her man and interveines

but it turns out its a play and i think theyy're gypsies

is he gonna use their black powers to devolve the frenchies into whiny, b--chy, malcontent, unhealkthy, uncivilized, unfriendly, unmanly, unbalanced sissies?

that would explain french canada

so the dragooons coem to remove them from the marquis lands but andy talks to em, but they say they are looking for andy

he sends them off and the gypsies welcome him to their clan and want him to wuite plays for em under the name of mister x like streets of rage and mega man and the simpsons and maybe beyblade

hes introduced to the head guys daughter and months later theres still no word of andy in the village

in paris ibn the blue boar inn the gypsies who might only be actors, have become a big hit and are populkar l;ike bon jovi in the 80s

andy still goes mby mr x and is loved by the actors

later thety do da platy figaro scaramouche and its in a big hall like phasntom of the opera and is for the countess

the marquis is there ansd hes got a teardrop tattoo or mole or something on his face and he meets neice whos with the coluntess

in the playt is a guy with a masak with a long nose like a tengu or dr parnassus and its exaggerated movement to put on a show

after da play tengu is revealed to be andy and he and neice see each other

later daughter comes by andys room and i think tries to seduce him

tthey makke out and her dad the head axtor comes in b4 they b0ne

later i think neice comes by andhe tries to get her not to marry marquis but she wants to be high rank and would sell her butt virginitry for power

also she thinks low of the actors as the royals see themselfs as superior to real peopler

andy is gonna marry the daughter as she isnt a stuick up b--ch and i think this is where avril lavione got sk8r boi

sso counttess's hgusband wanted help from austria for king lewis 16

at an ekite party, they rich are eatching snacks and talking of neice gonna marry mnarquis, but in the real version, were probably ritual sacrigiciung a slum kid and feeding on his parts

so daughter went outfor a dtyive and countess and nweuiice go by and daughter is dropped off by marquis as i think he was b0ning her

these lusty frenchies! they're like italianoes but not as loyal or evolved

so andy has a small gun as it matches his french parts and he sees her jewel ring and he sees these actorsa are devolved in morals and lustry monkeys who b0ne whoever they want

its like the kardashians

so neice wants to never see marquis again as she saw him with thew dauighter and he loves her and black males the countess to help get hewr back

at a wine shoip, andy meets chappiler who wants hgim to be leader of the national assermbly but he wants to fight with more than words

his speech in the area he got capped got the people ready to rip and later he does the platy in his tengu mask and sees the marquis in the box seat

he takes off his mask andgives a speech that tells of maRQUIS DE SODOMY WASTING HIS HOMIE PJHIL ANBD OUTS the marquis as trhe killer like its clin tin

tthe people go nuts and andy sees the head of the acrtors gonna attack some chivck, i think his gf the daughter, and he caps him with his small gun, then goes all emo and isa takebn offy his play homie

lter the national assembly devolved into the niobles hating on the people wanting equality

In America, its WE The People, in fraNCE, AND ENGLAND, ITS: we who are subserviant to the regent

chap has becomethe head of the natrional assembly and george jack danton was the best speaker of his era

as the nobles can't use words like real peoplwe, threy turn to violence as they are unvcivilized and neeed an evema of ground up evolution pills

the marquis i think comes by and the elites iced the common peoiple who sspoke against em

so its like tODay, BUT THEY USED DUEKLS TO DO IT instead of having em wacked like the queen and diana and charlers other chix

so geoege gets andy as hes good with a blade and wants him to beat the mnarquis in a duel

SZO AFTER THE ASSEMBLY THE, f off caps lock, go dfie in a d0ng fulled aids bag, anywaYY, ANDY f's with a noble and throws it tio the ground and is challenged to a diel by da church

the next day andy comes in having iced the noble back to h e double french canada aND THE AREA CHEERS

ALSO HIS name is moreau like commie junkie kirbyu morrow and the island guy who mutated animals and he goes on a spree icing nobles in duels as hes that good w/o any oinscreen showing of his sklill beforehand

the papers say hes secretly a swordsmaster and iced 1 and wounded 4 nobles and trys tio make it look bad

even though the nobles were too high level to have the regulars have a chanmce

the countess offers andy help from her austrian husaband and he sesz no

then she sez she knew his mom and leaves

marquis wants neice back but she wants to be friends and the paper sez andy is a swordsmaster

marquis wnts him iced and is gonna face ghim monday by the church

killing by a church? have frenchies no souls??

if they had souls they wouldnt be french

thinking andy's f'd if he faces marquis, neice offers to be his woman if he dont fight but mRQUIS  dont care

godfather sends a letter saying dont duel but andy rips it uyo

neice comes by and begs andy not to toi duekl ND THEY ALMOST SMOOCH  but he thinks shes trying to save the mnaRQUIS

die caps lock, buirn in h-=ll with mandella and the queen

she sez its him she loves but he dont buy it and goes to duel

so countess and neice are gradually going to stop thge duel but its alreadyu happening

is this birth of a nation with the klan riding in to save the day?

so andy has the blade at marquis heart and sez now u feel nowe phil felt, then lets hguimn fight on, only to cut his arm

the door is locked as they gotta keep the french animals from defiling the Churchyard and the chicks can't get in

so andy dont finish him and lets him go off like goku and freeza or piccolo and vegeta and when he walks out,m newice sees him and thinks he iced andy

andy goes off on a church mission or something and the frenchies grow more revolting in several ways

on august 10 1792 the people goo on a rampage andhave some kjinda race ruot like when some homie gets capped while trying to kill someone

godfather sez in a letter to get outta there to nweice and countess and the protersters swarj the streets and its like a sea of alleged people

boy goeoge has lead a malcontent uprising and the national assembly has promised safety to the royals

the countess and newice get to a gate but arenty aLLOWweerc to leavelike its run by candya55 trudeau

later 1 guy cl;imbing a wall is capped by a frtenchie and theres battles witrh cannons and gunfire

btwe, seeing how savage and violent the frenchies are, it kinbda proves the nobles right to have kept em dpown

look how wild and violent they are when given the chance to reveal their true colors

also 1 guy there is the italian stallian;napolean bonapart!

as he was noty a frenchie, he had skill and coolness and smarts

in the villagw the survivors escape who got out b4 passports were needed

andy comes by a bar and finbds godfather and they eventually hug

i think marquis survives by playing possum and takes a cloak from an iced frenchie

the frenchies are arresting peopler for going against em and georgew sends andy a note sayiong he can do w/e he wants

godfather wants andy to save neice and countess but he dont care for nweice as she sided wirth marquis

godfather revbeals that countess is andys mom and hes a royal too but fought his oen kind

like goku fioghting the saiyans

so godfather never knew who the countess's baby daddy was as io guess the frenchies b0ne so much they can't keep track of who was in who

this is how aids spreads

so the frenchies have devolcved like the Israelites when Moses came down with the 10 Commandments

so marquis comes in to the room neice and copuntess are in and hes all f'd up

andy comes by the gate and ordewrs a fresh horse to b0ne i mean ride

marquis goes upstairs and andy come in and smooches neice and revbea;ls he knows the countess is his mom

they reunite and he reveals his letter and marquis come by and andy wants him out

marquis wants yjr passdporets andf andy is gonnma shank him but counterss reveals marquis is his dad

star wars ripped it off!

she sez revealing it would disgrace the family amd marquis wants to have peace

andy shakes his hand and thjey agree to bring him ands andy gives him a sword

wait, his dad was trying to b0ne his gf?

is this where springer got it??

so marquis goes off to fight and die and runs into the mob with his blade, only to be instantlyt swartmeds and probably eaten alive liker Suddenly Last Summer

andy anmd the chiox get to the gate and  while showeinh his papers, some lusty drunk frenchies try b0ning his women

hebeats em off and reveals hes morrow andy and they want to butt hamer the chicks as they are aristocrats

he reveals its his sister i mean mother and future wife

the frenchies let him through as hes famous like how roman polanskli bummed that teen and is their hero there

andy smooches the girl and they ridfe off on a new advbenture as the city goes to h-ll with manmy inncent pewople executed for the "crimne" of hjavingf money

its veneazzuala or burnie sanders dream comre true

the end

That was quite good

I fdiorgot the plot twists in this as I hasn't seen it in years

good editing and camera wiork

well done acting and style

well writteb story and good themnes that still ring true today

good characters and feels

nice action and drama

It holds up

And many things have ripped it off from Star wars to Springer

For Scaramouche 2 I want for it to be 20 years later and frnce has devolved into a burned out wasteland that has beenb cut off from the rest of europe, Andy's  daughter who's blonde and milky White goes back to france as she doesn't believe its as bad as she's told and wants to see for herself, in there, the people have devolved intp savages who eat anuyone who comes in and sodomize the body while eating it, seeing the error of her ways, she tries to escape, but the lusty frenchies coe after her, so she has to fiught them off, also she's a female boidybuilder as french women are more masculine and its revealed when the frenchies attack and her dress rips off, revealing a leather SM‪ like outfit, as shge IS french, now she has to chop her way through the lusty frenchies with a big metal blade and get to the one gate that lets people in or out. Also its a 128 bit hack and slash game on Dreamcast, GameCube, Xbox and ps2 where you play as her and fight the increasingly ape like frenchies