Major Dundee Review

 Noite: I spell major bad

Major Dundee

This is my review on ?Majoy dundee from  the distant fiture year (to POresident Jefferson Davis) of 1965

Its dirtectwed by Sam Peckinpah wwho did nothing I ssaw

it stars awesome charlton heston from ZBen Hurm, Planet of the Ap[es, The Ten Commandments, Soylenbt Green, Touch of Evil, The Greatest Story Ever Told, Beneath the Planet of the Apes, The Omega Man, ddisneys Hercules, Armageddon, The tim burton Planet of the Apes and the commie propaganda Bowling for Columbine, Richard Harris from The Bible: In The Beginning/Unforgiven/The Wild Geese/Smilla's Sense of Snow/Grizzly Falls/Gladiator/Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone/The Count of Monte Cristo/Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Jim Hutton from The Green Berets, James Coburn ffrom Monsters Inc/The Nutty Professor/Maverick/Hudson Hawk, Michael Anderson Jr from Logan's Run, Mario Adforf from Smilla's Sense of Snow, Brock Peters from the 90s Batman/The Pirates of Dark Water/Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country/Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home/To Kill a Mockingbird, Warren Oates from The Rise and Fall of Legs Diamond/Blue Thunder, Ben Johnson from The Outlaw/Red River/Mighty Joe Young/Shane/One-Eyed Jacks/Hang 'Em High/Chisum/The Last Picture Show/The Town That Dreaded Sundown/The Swarm/Red Dawn/Angels in the Outfield, R G Armstrong from Children of the Corn 01/Predator 01. L. Q. Jones from Hang Em High, Slim Pickens from One-Eyed Jacks/Dr. Strangelove/Blazing Saddles/The Swarm, Dub Taylor from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington/THEM!/The 50s a star iis born/Bonnie and Clyde/The Shakiest Gun in the West/Back to the Future Part III/Maverick/Twilight Zone, John Davis Chandler from Moon of the Wolf/The Outlaw Josey Wales, Karl Swenson from Judgment at Nuremberg/How the West Was Won/The Birds/The Sword in the Stone, Albert Carrier from Cleopatra Jones/Scarface, Michael Pate from Julius Caesar/Hondo/McLintock!/the 60s Batman, Enrique Lucero from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and many meexicans and 1900s guys i bnnever heard of

I never saw this but its over 2 hours and some cuts have an extra few mins

ew its super widescreen, but well colored

so in the end of the civil war, indians looted an area 3x as big as texas and 1 group of soldiers as wasted by indians, but 1 survivporcame througgh it

then title and credits to upbeat music as the town the indians attacked burns

charlton moses heston comes in with his horses and men on em and 1 guy is missing half an arm

they come to the burned toiwn after the invid got it and 1 new guy sez he dont know if the ndians iced the kids, or took em to devolve into their warriors

they find a guy offscreen they hope was dead when they did it to hum but if he was they wouldnt have done it

i assume he's inside out and his guts are spelled in words as a message

so then moses goes to get men to fight the indians and tewlls em its hard and f'd but they'd get pardons and paroles, but if they desert he'd ice em

oh its the confederates and some  would rather stay in jail than work for the commie soviet union

moses sez these confederatyes are gonna be triualed for murder as the guard thety clubbed bit it

after an offscrteen trial they are found guuil;ty as its TOTALLY fair and inbiased wit the enemy controling the court, and they'd get da noose

mosrshas all but the blonde guy sent out and its shown they were fruiends abnd moses voted against him for icing another officer in a duel

moses is from da south but betrayed the protoculture to side wit the unionityes and blonde blames heston for goping against him

slim pickens is hired as a horse theif and aftyer much interviews of malcomntents, heston gets a few on his teem

1 co worker sez heston sent to here was dicipline and he shouldnt go after the indians to save te kids as they;'d goi to soviet mexico where the frenchies are

heston is gonna bring 10 men and confederate prisoners and weites a note saying he acxcepts all responsibility for it, also he was in gettysberg but it f'd out

this base is a prison or w/e and he meets with a lower rank soldier and gives him a list of weapons to get but styops him and tells him where to get em

so some horses and men go out and get an a55 load of guns and ammo as this is America! We are the Powwer!

So 100 inmates volunteered and they took 6 and made gallows for the coinfederates found "guilty" at a trial

heston hired cowboys drifters ad drunks as he didnt get many confederates to sign on

tthats who you want, drunks and malcontents, you can trust em

heston talks with a preist about how he wants to smite the wicked insatead of save the heethan and we geta scene of a guy grinding a cigar into the ground with his bare foot

some black guys volunteer after doing cleaning and labor for a while

heston comes in and slugs out blonde for having negotiations to work with heston and vows to hanng him, but blonde slugs ben hur out and they agree to work together to stop the induians

like the autobots and decepticons teaming up to fight unicron

btw, despite beuing a confederate, blonde has a brittisash accent

and unlike disnbey movies, hes not the bad guy

so ten some guy comes by and sez where in mexico the apache indians went and oh its 1 arm, and hew has 2 indians with him who are probably 80% White who want revenge on the indian leader for saying he couldnt be trusted and didnt bring him on a raid

so to counter that, hes gonna betrayy and murdser him, makes sense

so the troops and new guys learn their tools and animals, which ARE tools to be used by the Superior Humans to do with what we will

man we're 40 mins in with adds, that felt like nothing

by november 07 they were ready and blonde brit confederate looks like Errol Flynn with the moustache

ha they got a Snake Flag for Don't Tread On Me, These guys are cool

so they sing ZBible and 1800s Songs and after a montage of them going over places, they wonder if they can make it back

near da rio grande an indian with 1 arm comes back and tells em stuff and  they rude in

they go on and find confederates but hestron sez he knowws he has blondes wword so he wont join them and they move on

at night 1 southerner asks a black guy to take off his boots and says things bleeped out

they fight and the Confederate is beat by the priest after being knocked down

there's nearkly a brawel but blonde stops it and heston debates with blonde over who's right in what they do and their actys of blonde fighting for the south

blonde sez the higher ups made heston a jailer instead of a soldier for a reason and heston walks off

so they go on after the indians and 1 arm fights well against the indian on their side in a friuendly match

then theres a whistle and they put out da fires and bring in an indian who saez hes a peaceful apoacvhe

he sez hes gona help em and brings kids to emwho were being raised as indians, whuch i wionder if the left would hate or love as its cultural approprioation but whuites fightiung whites

1 guy suggests the indians are gonna take the kids back so hesrion gets siome guys to bring the kids to safety, then the rest go afdter the apache

so they go on and at night in a river these guys in the shadows sniper emlike an irishman from the grassy gnoll

the indians ride in and attaCK AND I THINK THEY WON, BUT I WAS LOOKING UP WHY kANYE WAS TRENDING AND ITS CUZ HES OUTING TYHE KARDASHIAN 5KANKS AND DONT WANT HIS KIDS DEVOLVED LIKE THEM

f u caps lock, suck kanytes ppoop filled d0ng from being in kims butt

so the americans and union soldiers dig a big pit and throw the dead in it, then sing a bible song

so they move on but the wounded might bit e it if they dont rest and we're 85 mins in so far with adds

they wind up in a sdesert wasteland area with skinny dogds and dry bones and mexican kids and people and its like violence jack or hokuto no ken

they come by this area with frenchies and the frenchies dont want em there as the frtench arer evolutionarily challenged and hate americans and yankees

1 chick sez the apache was there and they got nother for em, even women to b0ne

hwer husband was a dr like winrys rents in fma and they got little food ort supplies

heston or blonde used the cannon to blow the base and they wiill take food and give it toio the people and solfdiwrs

like with moses taking grain for the pagan gopds to feed the hebrew slaves?

moses 2 electric boogaloo

so heston gives away food and horsdes to the peope, to help em and the women help treat their wounds

heston tallks with blonde about how he wants his men drubk and men to run off as the frenchies are gonna attack, but he is gonna copunter and take em for it

the perople dance and cleebrate being freed from frenchie filth like canada wishes it could be and they eat various animals

heston recognizes something about the chick and blonde goes off to try to b0ne her

man that blonde is like a foot taller than all these mexicoes

its like going to Japan with all the 4'9 chicks

heston dances with chick and a soldier sez they need more guards at the french jkail and he wants to dance with chick, which he does as hes drunk

after da party richter, heston moses ben hur soilet green omega man  sees chick and she sez bye and goes on about ditching her disapproving fam for her husband and now has no one here

remember the progidal son? He came back, you could too

they make out and he rieds off then in town he tells off a bugel boy for b0nign a chick instaed of doing army cr-p

in the real version they were b0ning

this IS the real version!

so hesten and men ride out and he lets the frenchies escape and sent some guys out as a decoy as the frenchies went back to their group

so the frenchies come by and in a distance the humans watch

then its night or what they want us to thuink is night by tinting the film darker and the humansd come by and jack the frenchie horses

but gunfire happens and the frenchies scramble

days later, the frenchies figured out they were chasing a 1 arm and an apache traitor and the humans were safe from the frencheis

the humans were swimming in a waterfall and pool below it and word gets back the frenchies attacked the village the hgumans freed from them

later a man desserts and took some supplies to keep himself alive

heston wants him back but 1 arm sez he wont as its not what he signed on for so blonde goes after him

gheston might torture or executre the man but blonde sez heston wont

days later they bring back the escapee and find the chick, b0ning giel and kids who escaped the village

the escaped guy said he went out to help the village and weasn't desserting

heston donty believe him and orders him executed but blonde says to let him handle it

heston wont have it and orders to have a firing squad chosen from unionites

blonde sez he  cant help him and is sorry and man belonged to heston and not him

blonde sez he's gonna kill heston and i gotta say,m its not the worst thing as he plays a bad guy here

as man goes on about how heston will burn for this, blonde caps him so the Americans wouldnt be vengeful against the unionites

so the camp is geting rough and suspect and chick talks with heston about how we all died a bit with the boy

she wants a free life with him and they amke out they swim nakedlike in planet of the apes but we dont see his a55

he suggests she comes to live with him in america and an indian attack and gets an arrow in hestons leg but blonde gets him

heston needs medical attention and the arrow is close to the key point and blonde wants to take over the command and tells off heston for his actions and chick for bein a 5kank

so heston goes to the mexico town under french rule and gets hsi leg treated but need 7 days to walk and 12 to riude but hes gonna dfom it sooner

chick goes in toi tell him to be careful and to get out and i think there was another chick in there so she thinks they were gonna b0ne

heston goes backandon the trip is in the slups of mexico and blonde finds him and wants to end him himselklf

to get heston out oif a bar w/o suspician, blonde starts a fight with him and the area is under attack by the humans

blonde is gonna get heston out but he doint wanna go and blonde sez hestons not weorth wacking and leaves

heston goes out and meets blonde as they get on horses and vows to end the apache menace

so heston gets back to his group and flees the frenchies anfd chases the apache

later its night but really tinted day and the apache attack under the fake night and 1 arm caps a guy and the shot wakes up the americans

its a desparate battle aND the americans win and end the amache leader

now they got no common enemy and might go at it, but the frenchies are coming

they go for the rivber into Texas but the frenchies block their way so they use the cannon like its the main gun in robotech or the wave motion gun in starblazers

the frecnhies charge but as they are french and have no napoleon to save their candya55es, they get busted by cannon fire and guunfire as they cross the river

eventually they getta cross and battle and the frenchie who corssed fall

imagine if this was made today and theyn showed a cannon shot blowing apart or through a horse and or man

so the humaNS CHARGE THE FRENCHIES IN THE RIVER AND blonde gets capped by a frenchie and riedes in to fight and die against the frencheis like hes Nathan Bedford Forrest

i guess hhe figgered he was already dead and went out fighting, even though he could have been saved depending on the billet hole

so they go back to america after beatiing the frenchies

the end

that was pretty good

heston was a harda55 but not hateable

good drame and music and filming

good action and acting

its like 2 hours but dont feel it and has goof flow and no drag

it shows a good story that i;'m told is like moby dick

i liked it and heston does a bada55 show of being tough and manly

oh yeah, and its probably not connected to crocodile dundee

For Major Dundee 2 i want him to be punished for going off on his chase of the apache by sending him to the outskirtd of america, but there he faces a WERE SASQUATCH THATS A GUY who was into the black arts and dvolved byn it and now roams around feeding on people, also its a 128 bit survival horror game on sega dreamcast, gamecube,, ps2 and xbox where you play as heston and go around the forest and ruined towns and caves and try to take it out while evading it when you arer getting morte ammo.