Kit Carson Review

 Noye: I spell like Kuit from Tailspin and Kit from Ride but more human

Kit Carson

This is my review on it Carson from the distant future year (to jesse james) of 1940 (70 years before Japanese Transformers season 3)

Its directasl by George B. Seitz who did the 30s The Last of the Mohicans and a buncha andy hardy things

it styars Jon Hall from Mutiny on the Bounty, Lynn Bari from  The Great Zeigfeld, Dana Andrews from The Ox-Bow Incident /The North Star/Three Hours To Kill/The Twilight Zone, Harold Huber from 20,000 Years in Sing Sing/The Good Earth, Ward Bond from Noah's Ark/Affairs Of Celini/The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse/They Made Me a Criminal/Gone with the Wind/Son of Frankenstein/The Grappes Of Wrath/Santa Fe Trail/Sergeant York/The Maltese Falcon/Tall in the Saddle/t's a Wonderful Life/Hondo/The Searchers, Renie Riano froom The Picture of Dorian Gray, Clayton Moore from The Son of Monte Cristo/Black Dragons/The Lone Ranger, Raymond Hatton from The Cheat/The Ace of Hearts/the 200s The Hunchback of Notre Dame/the 30s Alice in Wonderland/In Cold Blood, C. Henry Gordon from Scarface, Stanley Andrews from Mr Smith Goes To Washington/The Son of Monte Cristo/The Ox-Bow Incident/It's a Wonderful Life/Samson and Delilah, Edwin Maxwell from All Quiet on the Western Front\Scarface/Tiger Shark/Duck Soup/The Great Ziegfeld\Mr. Deeds Goes to Town\The 30s A Star Is Bor, George Lynn from The Great Dictator\The North Star/The Snake Pit\The Day the Earth Stood Stil\The Lawless Breed, William Farnum from The 30s Count Of Monte Cristo/Cheers for Miss Bishop/Captain Kidd/Samson and Delilah, and a buncha 1900s guys i never heard of

its based on a historical figure who i think was into dark occultism

I never saw thia b4 but might have read the Classics Illustrated Comnic Dacades Ago

So after logo title and credits to 40s music, its in b/w and proper ful screen

then text sying in the 180s America was wilderness and guys like kit carson went there

then theres guys on horses with cowes going throuugh the wasteland and having caught beavers for furs

1 guy keeps wasnting to advance forward and never look back like the G Gundam thing

they come by indian horse tracks who went to the woods from the trail and 1 guy thinksd theres no indians here

the an indian uses a bow/arrow to j fk a guy and a swarm of em attack

he indians have guns and go off to swoop back in but the Americans use their rifles and a boomerang for some reason to takeem on

so the batttle goes onand 1 guy is gonna sneak out at night as the indians have thuinbgs about attacjking at night

kit i think gets a gun and ammo from the fallen and crawls back ,then they use ropes to drag the bodies back as i think they might eat em

Kit goes off on a horse with 2 horses that have the bodies he got tied to em as cover and the 2 surviivers stay back making yells

the indiansa chase kit and he rolls off a horse as it goes on with a body on it and snewaks off

clever girl

ahhhhhhhhhhhh

then its fort bridger and I think the 2 survivors sgot out as the indians attacked Kit

the captain might send a scouting party to look for kit as he sed he'd be back in the spring but wiill give him time

So then carspn kit and the 2 guys come in making yells and throw a boomerang as a joke but captain nearly caps em back to h e double soviet california b4 being happy to see em

kit is told theres people at the base who want him to bring em top candya55 california

kitr sez the indians iced his  group comming and kit shows captain the gun the indians had

they fought for 6 hours and and kid wants to refresh his a55 in the creek in a bath and rest.

soapp in a hotel in a bath with running water is 30$ a day but kit owes captain as no one pays as thats why it costs so much

so kit and his droogs take a bath togerther like its Japan and sing buffalo gals ands some army guys come in wanting kit to ber a cevilian scout for 100$ a month

they heading to candsya55 califoirnia and the guy i called captain actually isnt but is a homier of kitr and da real captain wants kit to guide women and kids through the dangerous area

kit dont think its good but captain is going w/ or w/o him and a homie of captain tries to guilt kit intoi it

also on the other side of te wall is the womens bath with chicks in it, bjt the water is jet black like its made of pepsi andwe don''t see her nips or the guys long thin parts

so captain goes off and da chix b--ch about kit not conxenting so kid slips the soap under the wall and goes to get it and the chicks scream

is this where anime gets it?

Its like Eiken but we don't see the K Cips

Also: Why is the wall over up to the water level? Anyone can go under it and b0ne da chix!

the chick in there is the kid of aa guy who owns half of california

desatroy it! before it devolves into new sodom!

so captain tells the people they are still going w/o kit and captaiin is nice to chick and talks about how kit is the best man for da job

so chicjk goes to see kit and hes got his naked feet out, which in some Bible talk, Feet refers to man parts, so in the real version his weener was hanging out and flopping around

she offers kit 1000$ in gold and expenses, and 200$ for his homies

he sez if he was offered 10 000 hes not do it and she goes off

so thgey're gonna fal in loe and have 500 babies right?

1 hoomie sez the indians will get her and kit isnt please and homie talks of how they got nothing to do 

so the wagon troop goes across the mad max waste land and kit and his droogs come by on hoirses a55es and he comes on as wagon boss

kit has em slow down and he goes on the head wagon and takes a guy thgeres place with the chick

captain comes back and talks with kit abbout indsians having guns and wanrts kit to come to the front but kit stays back with the chix

they go on across this vast area as indians watch in da distance and at night they cook food

kit offers chick some food but she has her own

i think captain aska general as i think i f;d up again, is into chick

so later its 8 pm and they eat wild antelope which i'm not sure if its kosher as i know jack sh-t about antelopuse

1 of kits homies has indian scalps as a jacket to scare off enemies and they say indiians cant go to indian heaven w/o a scalp

You know whast they say, when god gives you lemons, you find a new god!

also he wants to have a rug of indiian scalps as he knew a guy who had it, but really its fake

btw, wearing human skin? what is this?? apocalypse zero?

at least we see it unlike silence ofd the lambs

so captain has a bugeler play a song to put his guys to sleep but kit sez it'll aleart the indians

like that meme people joked of

Last time on DBGT! Pan: "Grandpa Hercule! I wanna fight the Shadow Dragons, but I'm dummy thicc! And the clap of my huge  heavy buns keeps warning them I'm comming!"

so these mexiicans i think talk about how the travellers are getting near and they gave indians guns to keepo the Whites out

Which if the roles were reversed, would be called "racist"

so the mexicommander sends guys to stop the general from crossing the sea air ug nevada

he dont want americans coming to cxalifornia and if the captain or general or w/e can get througfh the land, then Americans can get there w/o months at sea

so the wAGIONS go on and a mexico dresses like an indian, which i;'mn not sure the beta males would whine about of not

he goesto talk with the indians as an indian and tells em to stop the americans as its goit kitr cARESON IN IT WHO'DS THEIUR ENEMNY

get f';d caps lockl, go crawl up a dead whal;es a55

so 1 of kits homies is writing some history thing and the horses spazz out a bit so kit and friends tend to em

the horses sensed indians which they say is smell but i think its Ki as once a dog on the other side of the fence was barking, so I cooled my Ki and it stopped

also once i was standing near my aunts dog, and had a negative thought of it, and it spazzed out

also chick's servent talks with chick about chick making kit shoes and other chick the servent sez this homie who's not mexican who has the indian skin has size 12 shoes

that means he's got big parts

captain sez kit and friends lives wild so long they are going wild and kit goes out to see indians talking then riding off

kity knows their talk and finds they plan to take the generals horses

also the tracks of 1 guy are not indian style as they walk different

this is some sherlock sholmes sh-t

so captain hits on chick and wants to marry her as he's into her in a clean way without b0ning

kit rand freiends trturn and he tells chick to go to bed but she dont wanna so he carrys her as he's strong and she's not one of those 800lb blobs on The Learning Channel

he puts her in the wagon and goes to check the horses and sees indians in plant disguises like they're ninja and heading for the horses

they jump out and openm fire but the Americans were ready and return fire and send em riunning like its G I Joe vs Cobra

the watchmen are iced and kit sez to not follow regulations to save lives but general or captian or w/e sez he has to and doubles sentries

kit and homies go to look at the non indfian tracks and finds em by the water

they follow em and find tracks that say he got on a horse with spanish shoes

so kit and friends make a trap and kit thinks its a White Man who gavce guns to the indians and they plan on using coyoite sounds to signal the guy to come

they do and he comes and is caught in the snare trap and hangs froom 1 foot

better slice off the leg with kung fu like falco in hokuto no ken 2

so they tie the mexico up and throw an axe at him but getting closer each time to get him to talk, then a knife thrown like castlevania

mexico homie takes a fire to him and it cuts away as i think they cooked off his parts and the american comes by and se him interrogating him

the americans, including the chick and captain hate on him for torturing the mexican and kit explains he has to fight fire with fire

having beeen in the 00s, i gotta sayy, some things keep coming back

mexican sez he was only following orders, as thats totally a goof excuse, although this was made in 1940 so the axis wasnt as known, and its revealed the mexico works for general castro

not the one from soviet cuba who thery say is trudeaus dad, although that castro never set off my gaydar like trudeau jr or sr

thats not a joke, they really did set it off

so he sez castro is afraid of americans and sent him to stop them from getting to soviet california and castro wanted to rule mexico and california

so like the cartels?

so general follows the law and that the penalrty for giving indians guns is execution

yeah torture is bad but ending him isnt?

after a firing squad, chick sez sorry for not getting how it was and judging kits ways

so the wagons go through the sea airt ah nevada high area and mexico leader general castro sends anotyher miunion like he's a sailor moon villian

later carson wants to take the long path as the hills are fill of indians but general sez his orders were to find tyhe fastest path so he can send an army when needed

captain splits off like piccolo and kami and sez his byes and sez to meet chick later

well, guess thats the end of him

also its to savwe 60 miles and the indians are watching from above

in Conan the Adventurer, its said; the easiest way is often a trap

so the indians send some of their men to attack the army guys and some after the wagon train

eventually the indians drop a rock using a lever whicj i;m not fiure they knew of that tech, and ttrap the army in the valley, then sniper at em like the grassy knoll

kit hears it and circles the wagons but sez to stay to protet the women and kids in the wagon

he sends a guy or 2 out to scout and the indians come up in the nearby plants

the scout finds the idnias but is caught b4 he can fire a shot to warn the others

he breaks free but is capped and kit ansd friends hear the shot and go for it

the indians atteck and its an epic battle of long sahots of the area and the horsemen swarming around towards the wagons

the wagoners fire on em and chick takes one out but feels bad about it as this is her 1st kill

some wagoners get arrowed and fire arrows are uised the people scramble to end the fire

meanwhiule, the captains forces are getting f'd and 1 guy foes to try to getta cross the river

he hides underwater which is SMART as after a few feet, bullets do nothing in water

kits guys are gettign f;d and kit sees he needs to reunite with captain to stand a chance and he and goes off with dino might in a wagon

he leaves his indian skin coat friend in charge andhe and chcik fire on the indians after kit

kit fires on the fire to light it and races the horses then unlinks the wagon and rides off so the wagon kamikazes into the rocks blocking em and frees the army

its like with piccoilo freeing kami against garlic jr

so the surviving soldiers race in to save the day and later theyhave a service for the fallen

captain feels bumming for not believing kit when he wanted to save 60 lives over 60 miles and dont feel up totelling kit that kit was right

chick feels bad for being mad at kit for torturing the bad guy and they have a tender soft moment and smooch and captain sees it

So then they make it to mentery califronia and have a dance and the chicksd dad is happy hisd kid made it and wANTS to be nice it kid

kit isnt used to it and isnt big on parties and dancing

the mexicos lead by castro sends a squad to attack the americans and he's gonna be the kibg of mewxico and include california

at da dance kit dont like it and don't fit in and captain comes by and he leaves chick and jim but bumps into a guy who spills his drink on a female

chick dances with captain and kit bumps into opther people and goon oot to sleep in the camp

his indian skin coat guy sez hews in love and kit sez he could bring her on his beaver trapping and it wouldsnt be right

skin wearer sez hje can bnecome a gentlemaN BUT kit sez its not worth it asnd to quit like hes ghonna do

hes gonna ditcxh the wagon guys and skin wearer is bummed as he's in love and at the dance, chick gets a letter from kit that explsained he went

which dont add up as kit cant rrasd/wqright

aptain askds her to marry hium as kits gone and she sez she loves kit but will be his woman

so kit and droogs ride on and see a mexico army wagons that are going to castro to take on America

they get off their horses like Raog vs Toki andsneask in, then take out the guar with a roick to the head

in there kit wakes up the mexico general with tekila in the mouth and takes him prisoner

hes ok being captured AScastro hates him and was gonna waste him and that castro is gonna attack the califrtonians

kit sends his droogs to bring the wahons to captain and he goes off to save America from mexicoes

so the mexicoes are raiding, looting and torching tne american homes andf buildingds like its  self hatoing whites when a junkie gets capped

kit aleartts the americans and they flee andkits droogs get theguns to captain and tells em ofcastros attack

after a montaGE of mexicans icing americansd, which is pretty common when americans go to visit them and get b0ned dead or chopped up and boiled in acid

so the americans cant use the mrxico flag as they'd be outl;AWS so they make it their own country and make a new flag as the soviet re[ublic of califormia

captain joins em even though he's a Ameroican soldier and has his men join even though it might f his career

kit arrioves and sez castro is comming tomnorrow and they raise the california flag

needs more perntagrams, hexagrams, swastikas and hammer/sickles

as they have 1 day left, they go to the time chamber to train foer a wjol;e year in 1 day

wait, thjats dbz and dbaf

so kitreunitewws wirth chick and she's bummed as she agreed to marry captain last night and kit is ok witrh it

its only bneen 1 day?! i thought thjis was ovdr a wqhile!

kit sez castro is gonna blitzkreig and wipe em out in 1 hit, but if they send the civiliasns out, and the main forces to the hills, they can have kit and a few behind and trick him into thibking all the Americans are there, then have the main forces swoop in from behind and nail em hard

if thjey get beat the fams will be ungurrded but if castro gets there, they'd be his butt slaves amyway

so they make abunch of jinzo ningen, or arruficial people to trick casytro and kit talks with captain over chick who actually loves kit and kit sez captain is a better match as he's a genrtlemAN

kit sez he's gonna go off after this and they say farewelles

so castro gets there and starts his invastion but kiot and friends hol;d em off with several guns lined up on the wall

chick is there and helps restopck guns but the mecicoers have cannons andare blowing holes in the bases a55

as the mrexicoes adnance., kit kighta a fse by some barrelsa and i thinbk the fudse goes ouyt so his skin wearer slugs out kit so he wont make it go and blows it himself with a guin at the gunpowder barrels

thats the sifnal andthe good guys come in and stop castro

remember in sonioc adventure 1 how robotnik sent a nuke to station square butit didnt blow, so he went to make it blow himslf right there?

thats what this is!!

genious 300IQ my a55!

So kit is gonna go and chick tries to stop him but hes going but captainn comes by saying the america is at war with castro and kit is given a letter to read

despite never learning to rerad or wright, it sez kit is now a coloniel and kiurt orders captain to march and kit makes out with chick

then kit and captain go off on a new adventure to stop mexico

the end

That was pretty good

well acted, told a good story, nice effectys, good characters

its something theuy'd screw up today by making it dark and bitter and hyper reaistic and disgruntleds

tghis ome was positive and had a good feel and holds interest and kit sounds like bing crosby

i liked this one and it holds uip welll

For Kit Carson 2 I want it to be about hisd war wirtthg the mexicans and they uncover som4e anxcient tech from before Noah's Flood but its too powerful andhard to control, so they are sealking it away, but thisa new guy steals it as he wants to win at any cxosat so kit goes off to stop him before he destroyes the state. Also its a 16 bit figntinbg game ON SEGHA GENESIS, SNES, TG16, GBA AND ATri jaguar where you play aS KIT in storey mode and fight guys in the area to get info, or in free mode you can play as any character, even the boss thats the guy with the tech that is overpowered but if you survive againsat him for 25 seconds, he blows apart.