Scaramouche Review

 Note: I spell better than queen

Scaramouche

This is my review on Scaramouche from the distant future year (To Christopher Columbus) of 1923 (120 years before Robotech Season 3)

Its directal by Rex Ingram who did The Prisoner of Zenda/The Conquering Power/The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

It stars Lloyd Ingraham from Intolerance, Alice Terry from The Prisoner of Zenda/The Conquering Power/The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Ramon Novarro from The Student Prince in Old Heidelberg/Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ/The Prisoner of Zenda/The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Lewis Stone from The Prisoner of Zenda/The Lost World/The Big House/The Mask of Fu Manchu/Queen Christina/Treasure Island/David Copperfield/Angels in the Outfield, William J. Humphrey froom The Unholy Three, George Siegmann fromn Ther Birth Of A Nation/The Avenging Conscience/Intoilerance/Oliver Twist/The Man Who Laughs/The King of Kings/The Red Mill, James Marcus from Oliver Twist/The Iron Horse/The Eagle/The Scarlet Letter/Sadie Thompson, John George from Outside The Law/The Prisoner Of Zenda/Don Juan, Rose Dione from The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse/West of Zanzibar/Freaks, Louise Carver from Seven Chances, Edward Connelly from The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse/The Conquering Power/Camille/The Prisoner of Zenda/The Unholy Three/The Torrent/Bardelys The Magnificent/The Show/The Student Prince in Old Heidelberg and some 1800s dudes I never heard of

Its baSEWD on a book by  Rafael Sabatini who did The Sea Hawk, Captain Blood

I saw this once abnnd I think I saw the 50-0s remake, but I prefer Silent fulms so imma do this

so after title and credits we get text saying in the rule of the frewnch regent king louis 16, wait, its after he f'd it up, wait, its after he lead it down the toileyt and pwople were running outta foodf and realy to revolt

like with the prez in 2021

in a wood valley is a little village like in Castlevania and this guy is iced for steraling from the marquis

andre comes over and he used to laugh at how crazy the world is

imagine him seeing the 21st century? he's go full joker!

phil is is close homie who wants to be a priest  back when the frnechies believed in The Lord before devolving into the marqwuis de sade

then the marquis comes and its not de sade but de la tour like grand tour in dbgt

theres a decree by the national assembly that sez the nobility can't oppress them, but i think like the magna carta, its more of a guide line

look how ma oh charles didn't have to pay an inheritance tax on his getting the queens sh-t?

kinda like how legally, druygs are not allowed and people still do em

so the marquis comes in and hears phil badmouthing him and after being a spaz for a bit, phil backhands him like the b--ch he is

i think they're  gon na del but its with blades instead of yugioh cards and swords instead of beyblades

but phil isn a man of perace and has no exp in swordmanship

the marquis hits on a 5kank and he and phil go to some place for a swordfight as the frenchies are too devolved for guns

the marquis cuts down phil easy and says phil was too eloquent to let  live

andy is mad and calls him out but the marquis doesnt ice him as andy looks at him like a bada55 and the candya55 marwquis poofs away

andy vows to take up phils torch and use the eloquence thre marquis feared to fight back

andy goes to his godfather and kisses him on the face as hes european and the godfathers neice aline has come by and is chatting with the marquis

andy wants justice vs the marquis for his evil but godfather sez he wants the marquis to marry his neice whoi i;;m opretty sure andy is gonna get

she went to versais 2 years ago and andy wants her and he wants to be the light in the darkness, the voice to all those who cry out, ally to good, nightmare tom french!

nbeice comes by and he storms off like a b--ch and godfather sez paris gave himn revolutionary cr-p

andy goes off to some town and its the center of the freedom movement like how in soviet canada the people stoiod up against the frenchie candya55

the kings lieutenent is a devolved looking guy with a huge nose and probnaly would have aids if around today and drinks from a small glass as i think it matches his parts

andy dgoes to see him and uses phils eloquence and moves the luitenent to tears by telling of the marquis's evil, but when he hears its the marquis he spazzes out at it

andy points out that the luientent is unjust and a gross sack of cr-p and the leuiennt wants him arrested for, h-ll if i know, but its soviet frence and they dont have real rights

so he beats out a guyard and escapes and i think a solfier is iced and the people start spazzing out

andy sez the king signed a degree sayting the nobles can't oppress them and they dont gotta put up with their sh-t

the luientent calls for the dragoons to bring back the andy dead or alive and andy is a lawyer like the hero who saved Michael Jackson who looks like kanz from gundam wing

as andy tells the people not to put up with cr-p, a guy snipewrs him, but he shrugs the bullet off  as people were tougher in the past and evolution is fake as if it were real, we'dc be imprioving each generation

the dragoons come out and chop up the people and main guy gets to his horse but chapelier sez he likes his courage and gives him something

i like you, you have b-lls, i like b-lls

so he drives off in his mustang and back in the village, is i think the godfather or marquis and the neice who is playing piano

she hears something and goes to get the musiche wants her to play and she finds andy whohas a bullet hole in his head

ewhat is he? rasputin?

so its marquis and he finds the msuic she left to get and andy wasnt to ice the marquis

the dragoons come and she sends him through a hidden passage to escape and she fakes him not being there

the dragoons have a warrent from ther king for andy and i;'m not sure what his actual crime is as he only joked about the devolved guy

but in soviuet england, they charged a comedian for having his dog raise its paw as a nazi thing for a joke, so those eurotrah live in h-ll

so the next day, andy is out and sees a frenchie attacking a chick and her man and interveines

but it turns out its a play and i think theyy're gypsies

is he gonna use their black powers to devolve the frenchies into whiny, b--chy, malcontent, unhealkthy, uncivilized, unfriendly, unmanly, unbalanced sissies?

that would explain french canada

so the dragooons coem to remove them from the marquis lands but andy talks to em, but they say they are looking for andy

he sends them off and the gypsies welcome him to their clan and want him to wuite plays for em under the name of mister x like streets of rage and mega man and the simpsons and maybe beyblade

hes introduced to the head guys daughter and months later theres still no word of andy in the village

in paris ibn the blue boar inn the gypsies who might only be actors, have become a big hit and are populkar l;ike bon jovi in the 80s

andy still goes mby mr x and is loved by the actors

later thety do da platy figaro scaramouche and its in a big hall like phasntom of the opera and is for the countess

the marquis is there ansd hes got a teardrop tattoo or mole or something on his face and he meets neice whos with the coluntess

in the playt is a guy with a masak with a long nose like a tengu or dr parnassus and its exaggerated movement to put on a show

after da play tengu is revealed to be andy and he and neice see each other

later daughter comes by andys room and i think tries to seduce him

tthey makke out and her dad the head axtor comes in b4 they b0ne

later i think neice comes by andhe tries to get her not to marry marquis but she wants to be high rank and would sell her butt virginitry for power

also she thinks low of the actors as the royals see themselfs as superior to real peopler

andy is gonna marry the daughter as she isnt a stuick up b--ch and i think this is where avril lavione got sk8r boi

sso counttess's hgusband wanted help from austria for king lewis 16

at an ekite party, they rich are eatching snacks and talking of neice gonna marry mnarquis, but in the real version, were probably ritual sacrigiciung a slum kid and feeding on his parts

so daughter went outfor a dtyive and countess and nweuiice go by and daughter is dropped off by marquis as i think he was b0ning her

these lusty frenchies! they're like italianoes but not as loyal or evolved

so andy has a small gun as it matches his french parts and he sees her jewel ring and he sees these actorsa are devolved in morals and lustry monkeys who b0ne whoever they want

its like the kardashians

so neice wants to never see marquis again as she saw him with thew dauighter and he loves her and black males the countess to help get hewr back

at a wine shoip, andy meets chappiler who wants hgim to be leader of the national assermbly but he wants to fight with more than words

his speech in the area he got capped got the people ready to rip and later he does the platy in his tengu mask and sees the marquis in the box seat

he takes off his mask andgives a speech that tells of maRQUIS DE SODOMY WASTING HIS HOMIE PJHIL ANBD OUTS the marquis as trhe killer like its clin tin

tthe people go nuts and andy sees the head of the acrtors gonna attack some chivck, i think his gf the daughter, and he caps him with his small gun, then goes all emo and isa takebn offy his play homie

lter the national assembly devolved into the niobles hating on the people wanting equality

In America, its WE The People, in fraNCE, AND ENGLAND, ITS: we who are subserviant to the regent

chap has becomethe head of the natrional assembly and george jack danton was the best speaker of his era

as the nobles can't use words like real peoplwe, threy turn to violence as they are unvcivilized and neeed an evema of ground up evolution pills

the marquis i think comes by and the elites iced the common peoiple who sspoke against em

so its like tODay, BUT THEY USED DUEKLS TO DO IT instead of having em wacked like the queen and diana and charlers other chix

so geoege gets andy as hes good with a blade and wants him to beat the mnarquis in a duel

SZO AFTER THE ASSEMBLY THE, f off caps lock, go dfie in a d0ng fulled aids bag, anywaYY, ANDY f's with a noble and throws it tio the ground and is challenged to a diel by da church

the next day andy comes in having iced the noble back to h e double french canada aND THE AREA CHEERS

ALSO HIS name is moreau like commie junkie kirbyu morrow and the island guy who mutated animals and he goes on a spree icing nobles in duels as hes that good w/o any oinscreen showing of his sklill beforehand

the papers say hes secretly a swordsmaster and iced 1 and wounded 4 nobles and trys tio make it look bad

even though the nobles were too high level to have the regulars have a chanmce

the countess offers andy help from her austrian husaband and he sesz no

then she sez she knew his mom and leaves

marquis wants neice back but she wants to be friends and the paper sez andy is a swordsmaster

marquis wnts him iced and is gonna face ghim monday by the church

killing by a church? have frenchies no souls??

if they had souls they wouldnt be french

thinking andy's f'd if he faces marquis, neice offers to be his woman if he dont fight but mRQUIS  dont care

godfather sends a letter saying dont duel but andy rips it uyo

neice comes by and begs andy not to toi duekl ND THEY ALMOST SMOOCH  but he thinks shes trying to save the mnaRQUIS

die caps lock, buirn in h-=ll with mandella and the queen

she sez its him she loves but he dont buy it and goes to duel

so countess and neice are gradually going to stop thge duel but its alreadyu happening

is this birth of a nation with the klan riding in to save the day?

so andy has the blade at marquis heart and sez now u feel nowe phil felt, then lets hguimn fight on, only to cut his arm

the door is locked as they gotta keep the french animals from defiling the Churchyard and the chicks can't get in

so andy dont finish him and lets him go off like goku and freeza or piccolo and vegeta and when he walks out,m newice sees him and thinks he iced andy

andy goes off on a church mission or something and the frenchies grow more revolting in several ways

on august 10 1792 the people goo on a rampage andhave some kjinda race ruot like when some homie gets capped while trying to kill someone

godfather sez in a letter to get outta there to nweice and countess and the protersters swarj the streets and its like a sea of alleged people

boy goeoge has lead a malcontent uprising and the national assembly has promised safety to the royals

the countess and newice get to a gate but arenty aLLOWweerc to leavelike its run by candya55 trudeau

later 1 guy cl;imbing a wall is capped by a frtenchie and theres battles witrh cannons and gunfire

btwe, seeing how savage and violent the frenchies are, it kinbda proves the nobles right to have kept em dpown

look how wild and violent they are when given the chance to reveal their true colors

also 1 guy there is the italian stallian;napolean bonapart!

as he was noty a frenchie, he had skill and coolness and smarts

in the villagw the survivors escape who got out b4 passports were needed

andy comes by a bar and finbds godfather and they eventually hug

i think marquis survives by playing possum and takes a cloak from an iced frenchie

the frenchies are arresting peopler for going against em and georgew sends andy a note sayiong he can do w/e he wants

godfather wants andy to save neice and countess but he dont care for nweice as she sided wirth marquis

godfather revbeals that countess is andys mom and hes a royal too but fought his oen kind

like goku fioghting the saiyans

so godfather never knew who the countess's baby daddy was as io guess the frenchies b0ne so much they can't keep track of who was in who

this is how aids spreads

so the frenchies have devolcved like the Israelites when Moses came down with the 10 Commandments

so marquis comes in to the room neice and copuntess are in and hes all f'd up

andy comes by the gate and ordewrs a fresh horse to b0ne i mean ride

marquis goes upstairs and andy come in and smooches neice and revbea;ls he knows the countess is his mom

they reunite and he reveals his letter and marquis come by and andy wants him out

marquis wants yjr passdporets andf andy is gonnma shank him but counterss reveals marquis is his dad

star wars ripped it off!

she sez revealing it would disgrace the family amd marquis wants to have peace

andy shakes his hand and thjey agree to bring him ands andy gives him a sword

wait, his dad was trying to b0ne his gf?

is this where springer got it??

so marquis goes off to fight and die and runs into the mob with his blade, only to be instantlyt swartmeds and probably eaten alive liker Suddenly Last Summer

andy anmd the chiox get to the gate and  while showeinh his papers, some lusty drunk frenchies try b0ning his women

hebeats em off and reveals hes morrow andy and they want to butt hamer the chicks as they are aristocrats

he reveals its his sister i mean mother and future wife

the frenchies let him through as hes famous like how roman polanskli bummed that teen and is their hero there

andy smooches the girl and they ridfe off on a new advbenture as the city goes to h-ll with manmy inncent pewople executed for the "crimne" of hjavingf money

its veneazzuala or burnie sanders dream comre true

the end

That was quite good

I fdiorgot the plot twists in this as I hasn't seen it in years

good editing and camera wiork

well done acting and style

well writteb story and good themnes that still ring true today

good characters and feels

nice action and drama

It holds up

And many things have ripped it off from Star wars to Springer

For Scaramouche 2 I want for it to be 20 years later and frnce has devolved into a burned out wasteland that has beenb cut off from the rest of europe, Andy's  daughter who's blonde and milky White goes back to france as she doesn't believe its as bad as she's told and wants to see for herself, in there, the people have devolved intp savages who eat anuyone who comes in and sodomize the body while eating it, seeing the error of her ways, she tries to escape, but the lusty frenchies coe after her, so she has to fiught them off, also she's a female boidybuilder as french women are more masculine and its revealed when the frenchies attack and her dress rips off, revealing a leather SM‪ like outfit, as shge IS french, now she has to chop her way through the lusty frenchies with a big metal blade and get to the one gate that lets people in or out. Also its a 128 bit hack and slash game on Dreamcast, GameCube, Xbox and ps2 where you play as her and fight the increasingly ape like frenchies