Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Strangers On A Train Review

note; if I type bad its ur fault
strangers on a train
this is my review for strangers on a train
its by Alfred yankovic I mean Hitchcock
after some credits and walking, these 2 guys meet on a train
1 guy chats with him and gets chummy
the chummy guy knows a lot about the other guy
I assume he wants to b0ne him
in gotham, they made the penguin gay for the riddler
I imagine danny DeVito b0ning jim carrey
the main guy wants to get married to this chick but hes already married and getting divorced
hes stopping off in his home town to see his current woman
they have dinner together and the chummy guy b-ches about his dad being a d-ck
he wants to wack him
what a p o s
just cuz he's a j-rk off doesn't mean he should attack his dad for trying to help hm
he wants to do a lot of sh-t b4 he bites it
\even wanting to go on a rocket to da moon
jokes on him, the moon dosnt exist
its a myth made up to scare the Chinese into thinking an eclipse isn't a dragon eating the sun
the chummy guy tries to get the main guy into wacking people
the chummy guy will ice the main guy's woman
and the main guy would ice the chummy guy's dad
that way theres no motive
in theory it makes sense but that doesn't get you away from God's judgement
He gave us 10 laws
one of them is don't murder
the main guys sez; whatever homie(not in those words) and leaves
but leaves his personal lighter and the chummy guy gets it
the chummy guy sez; crisscross
I assume that's where chiiss mac daddy and chris daddy mac got it from
the main guy chats with his current woman and says shes gonna have someone elses baby
shes kind of a b--ch and wants to drain him for more cash
then she sez she don't want a divorce
shes using him for more status and cr-p
shes really awful
they struggle and a guy breaks it up
he leaves and she yells at him she's getting what she wants
he chats on the phone with his god woman and sez he's so p-ssed he could strangle her
maybe he could cut her open and b0ne her guts
or just remove her arms and legs and sell her to a purvo
meanwhile the chummy guy chats with his mommy and is p-ssd at his dad
the mom has painted a f'd up picture and the son sez its his dad
she said its supposed to be saint Francis
then the main guy chats with the chummy guy on the phone and finds the bad woman isn't gonna let him free
later the chummy guy is oot and aboot and follows the bad woman to an amusement park
shes got a buncha guys with her
what a sl-t!
good thing we don't have the aids yet
this kid pretends to cap the chummy guy so he pops the kids balloon with his cig
I always felt bad for balloons that popped as a kid
I liked em and thought they were nice
btw, the bad woman here looks like a tumbler feminist
those glasses, the hair, the outfit
if she was a larda55 she's be a perfect match
don't worry
not all fat chix are feminists
many are happy and fun and like men and attractive
he follows her around and into the tunnel of love
in the dark knight returns, that's where batman wasted the joker
btw; tunnel of love sounds like a P0RN0E
in it she I doing stuff with a guy
I assume they were b0ning in he real version
this is good build up btw
u know hes gonna waste her
he gets to her and strangles her but drops the lighter
bt picks it up
i'd say its not that bad he wasted her 5kanky a55
but I feel bad for her illegitimate unborn kid
he/she did nothing wrong
the chummy guy leaves and helps a blimd man cross the street
how nice
it almost makes up for his icing some b--ch
meanwhile, on a train the main guy chats with a drunk guy
when the main guy returns home the chummy guy talks o him in the shadows about how he wasted the bad wo man
the main guy isn't happy and wants to call the cops
but the chummy guy sez that if he does he'd get arrested
chummy guy had 0 motive
main guy calls him crazy but chummy guy is triggered
chumy guy sez he has a luger from a pawn shop to have main guy waste the other guy
main guy sez he never wans to see chummy guy again and goes inside to get the phone
then he seez his gf and talks to some people
they say hi bad woman was iced
they talk aboot how he had motve but was on a train
the druk guy was his alibi
ONE GIRL SEZ THE bad wo man was a tr-mp and was out b0ning guys
the older guy sez even she had the right to life
later the good gf sez shes glad they re free to marry and shes glad he didn't waste her as I would keep em apart
the main guy goes to the cops and brings his alibi
but the guy was too drunk to recall
the main guy sez that him finding and naming a guy from the train proves hes not guilty
but its not enuff
theres other ways he could've known
oh and he has a cop tailing his a55 now
the fam sez he should go on like nothing happened
he gets a call from the chummy guy but he hangs up
later he is out with the cop and sez after hes done tennis hes going into politics
he keeps getting contacts from the chummy guy to wack his target but the main guy keeps ignoring em
his gf seez the together and sees his name (Bruno) on his tie
remember Bruno the kid?
that was a cool 90s show
at a tennis game he sees the chummy guy in the audience looking at him as everyone else follows the tennis game
good shot
the chummy guy and his mom meet the main guy, his gf and her sister(who looks similar to the bad woman)
he gets a bit triggered
at some point someone told a story of a man stuck in an icebox for 6 hours and I think he ate human meat
I wasn't really paying attention
at a party the chummy guy sez to the gfs dad about his life force power idea that's more than atomic
sounds like Protoculture from Robotech
he also talks with a judge about sending people to the chair
he uses his charisma with chicks
re born in the 1800s
they discuss wacking people
he tests strangling this 1800s chick as fun but sees the sister and goes into auto kill
he blacks out and I think he j-zzed in his pants
it hardly focus's on the 1800s dame
later the main guy chats with the chummy guy and he slugs him
I assume he tried to b0ne the main guy in the real version and he had to get him off
he leaves and the sister realizes that the chummy guy was thnking of/looking at her as he strangled the 1800s broad
the gf chats with the main guy and finds the bad wo man had similar glasses
he reveals the crisscross plan and how he didn't consent
later main guy calls chummy guy and sez hes gonna do it but the gotta meet 1st
wait, he sez for him to leave the house
he sneaks in and finds a big dot its nice to him
he sez to the dad he wants to talk to him about the son
but its the chummy guy in bed
main guy tries to talk chummy guy into getting help
but he sez main guy owes him for the wacking
main guy leaves
the gf tries to get chummy guys mom to help but he don't think her son really did anything bad
each time some malcontent beats a guy da or caps someone, the mom sticks up for him
esp is the maniac was capped by a cop or hero to save lives
chummy guy tries to twist things to say the main guy iced her and hes protecting him
main guy and gf chat and is revealed the chummy guy wants to plant the lighter at night to frame he main guy
so the main guy has to win a buncha tennis games fast to get to stop the killer
this is like a yugioh thing
its revealed he usually plays games slow but here he tries a quick attack
sorta like me and my archfiend deck
if I get a good hand I can swarm daemons
tourguide, et archfiend heiress, archfiend cmmander pop heiress, get archfiend palabrynth. exclude tourguide get another commander,
then I can xyz summon into rank 6, attack with 2 2500atk monsters next turn, or synchro wit a good tuner
also if I get archfiend emperor I can exclude a 3commander and get out another emperor for 2 3500 atk monsters that an bust a card each with their effects
he wins more games bt the last guy is holding out
on the way to the crime scene, the chummy guy drops tighter
he tries to reach it outta the sewer but it falls deeper
he reaches deeper and i' surprised he can get his am that low
wont the grate crush his arm from pressure?
btw, good use of cutting ack and forth from the game and the lighter
very much like in birth of a nation by d w Griffith
the sister delAYS the cops following main guy and he escapes after winning
main guy and eventually cops get to this train station or mall or w/e
the cops find hes going to his hometown and they decide to let him go and let the cops there get him
at the carnival its revealed they turned the crime scene into a tourist thing as couples wont go to the overs place
at night the guys arrive
the cops spread word to look out for him
the  chummy guy is in line for a boat to the island
main guy spots chummy guy and the cops see him
a cop opens fire and caps the merry go round guy
it goes super speed
main guy fights chummy guy on it
crazy death match boss battle
on a merry go round
also a little boy is on the merry go round and a geezer is going under it to stop it
the boy almoist falls but is saved by the main guy
he fights chummy guy and nearl goes off the ride
chummy guy keeps kicking his hands as he holds ongeezer stops the ride and it f--ks out and falls apart
a witness sez min guy isn't the killer and chummy is
chummy uy is crushed in pieces in the merry go round
main guy tries to get him o confess but he lies
he bites t and has the lighter in his hand
later main guy calls his gf and sez things are kosher
the movie ends as it began, a stranger asking if the main guy is the main guy's name
they move to another seat
the end
that was good
really clever camera work
good story
good twists
and a crazy boss fight
I think they kinda reused that in nightmare circus on sega genesis
theres a level u fight on a spinning thing
I can see a streets of rage level in a carnival using that fight on a merry go round
oh and the acting was good
for strangers on a train 2 i'd like for the chummy guy to have survived getting killed in a merry go round and come back with artificial body parts to upgrade his crippled human body. also the baby daddies of the woman he iced in the 1st film are after him as each one of em thinks they were the father and they want revenge for their illegitimate son. its also a platform game on sega genesis and super Nintendo of this cyber boosted guy fighting off dozens of guys who want revenge as she was with many many men.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Shin Godzilla Review

note; my spelling has an accent. a bad one
shin Godzilla
this is my review on shin Godzilla
its directed by the unbalanced guy who made neon genesis evangelion
spoiler; that show was emo, fruity and mentally unbalanced
just like tennasy Williams
also the characters were losers or d-cks\
he also directed some cutey honey thing
that wasn't as bad
i'm watching this subtitled in Japanese
so it starts with a boat found with no people on it
the coast guard or navy or marines or w/e arrive but no ones there
then in a tunnel road breaks and water gets in
the buearocrats(bew ro kratz) catter over it for the next several minutes
I just gotta say a few things
1; every time anyone is introduced, it shows their name, rank, job and position
even if they only have 1 line and never appear again
2; everytme the scene changes, it shows the name of the place, where it is, and what it does
it also does this for vehicles and groups
I don't care about these nobodies or the name of a place i'm never going to see again
this is just really annoying
also it does this like 2-3x in a row
3; pretty much every shot is just a shot of 1 person talking for a few seconds, then it instantly cuts to another person talking or doing something for their few seconds
the camera never stays still
does this movie have adhd?!
so the bew ro kratz I don't care enough to look up how its spelled) chat for a whle on what caused the damage
1 guy sez they found a colossal creature at the bottom
but its making 100 degrees water
this one guy in glasses who looks like the inbred kid of steven Colbert and filthy frank tells the guy not to stir things up
but historically it was the stirrers who made a difference
otherwise America would be brittish and Poland would be Austria
theres another meeting of politics over the tunnel thing
the guy brings up the sea creature but is shot down
then this enormous tentacle comes out and its said to be a tail
we then get several minutes of more dialogue over either catching it or wasting it
eventually the monster starts moving toward the city
after every one of the science nerds get their 2 bits in, we get a science look at it
its a water monster with gills and legs like a lungfish
but they don't think it can go on land
it would be crushed under its own weight
after they report this to the press, it comes on land
and holy cr-p it looks f'd up
it looks really cr-ppy and silly
and it keeps peerioding blood ut its gills
it has big painted on eyes and its all floppy
it looks like cr-p
like something jim Henson wiped his a55 with
because of too much red tape, this slow moving pile of cr-p is busting across the city and the gov cant do anything
this is why big guv is bad
the monster then b0nes a building apart
the gov wants to use the troops to fight it
but the red tape keeps anything from being done
you know, if this were America, the citizens would fight this thing with their OWN weapons
but the Japanese cant own guns or swords
man this movie really makes me lose respect for japan
I thought they were cool cuz of anime
but these guys just s-ck
they eventually decide to send a few choppers
the monster then stands up and falls down
it don't even have arms
just stumps
but it digivolves into a really cr-ppy Godzilla
it looks like an aborted muppet
btw its done with cr-ppy cgi
its tail end looks like a b0ner too
it starts walking on 2 legs instead of b0ning the ground
the choppers get in place but do nothing cuz theres civilians near it
the prime minister calls off the attack
the monster starts moving again and busts a building
then its night
then its day
what did it do for the last 16 hours?
1 guy sez it did so much damage in 2 hours
another guy sez, they had 2 hours and just j-rked off wasting time
well, not in those words
its revealed it returned to the sea floor
then why'd it come out and bust things?
and why didn't it just show it returning to the sea instead of saying it after nothing
the gov eventually gets some guys to do a task force to study the thing
they say the creature is so large the only way for it to live and move is to be nucular
they find the creature is spreading radiation
they talk to da prez of America(prez ross) and hate him
then this fashionable chick gives them info on a guy who knew of this monster years ago
shes the daughter of an American and speaks good English
I often pepper my dialogue with Japanese
but people complain
yet in japan a lot of English is used casually
the guy who knew was revealed to be a biologist who got into energy and wasn't a fit in japan
its revealed that his boat was found adrift in the sea
she reveals the monsters code name is god zilla
its also alled gojira which means a god incarnate on some island
6 years ago they dumped nucular waste in the sea and gojira fed on em to mutate into this abomination
she also gives them the guy who knew's paper that no one knows what it is
eventually the gov gets a bill passed to help the people
also gojira's body is making new nucular elements
and America wants it
also gojira has 8x the dna as humans
and it keeps mutating
the nerds decide to use a blood cooling thing to stop it as for some reason it went back to being a sea creature when cooled off
later some malcontents are protesting to save Godzilla as its their new god
I don't think it sees things that way
later the people are getting along and not fighting between departments
eventually Godzilla returns
he looks grim
also he has very wide hips
perhaps its a hermaphrodite?
also its gotten bigger
and for some reason its headed for Tokyo
oh and its got arms
stubby ones
after much chatter, they decide to attack
we then get several minutes of the attack getting ready
its like you tune in for a chess game and it spends most of the video slowly putting the pieces on the board
eventually they try small weapons but they have no effect
so they keep stepping up to the next highest weapon when the current one doesn't work
they make a big deal over using missiles
they then use tanks but after a long firing scene, nothing happens
eventually they give up and gojira keeps gradually walking
then they get America to send in support
b4 the American attack they get the people underground
so Godzilla is headed for the prme ministers building
after much chatter they leave by chopper
the steven Colbert guy and the guy who suggested its a sea monster are going by car
the American attack busts open godzillas back
he starts glowing and opens his mouth(his lower jaw opens like a snake)
he barfs then barfs fire then it turns into a beam which busts the American attack plane
te remining planes go from the back but he closes his mouth and fires beams out his back to nuke em
then goes back to mouth beam and evaporates the pm chopper
the whole city burns
its like in Urotsukidoji wen nagumo went full demon and busted japan with his tentacle b0ner lazers
could nagumo take Godzilla?
w/o a leadr the people are useless so they appoint a new guy who s-cked
after seeing the damage the failure of oh balm uh, I don't think japan will get through this
wtf happened japan?
they used to be bada55 samurai and sexy ninja
now many of em are candy a55es who don't get girlfriends cuz they b0ne their body pillows of their fave anime girls
y'see this is why 48% of the population is creationist
evolution says each generation is better than the last
but every generation since the 1800s has been cr-ppier and cr-ppier
millennials cant function w/o iphones and safe spaces
compare that to the bada55 ww1 generation
so they get samples of gojira while hes in some kind of coma
also japan and America team up to research Godzilla
they find its able to shrink and grow wings
that's stoopid
this supercolossal abomination grows wings and it can fly?
herp a derp, i'll tape wings on a horse and its fully transitioned to a real Pegasus
oh and America wants to nuke Godzilla
but japan needs a special law to allow it
I think when the survival of a people is at stake, you don't need "laws' and "bills" passed
wow hideaki anno
you made me lose respect for japan
ruined forever
makes sense as I know people who said watching neon genesis evangelion nearly ruined anime for em
the guy who said it was a sea monster tries to convince steve Colbert to not nuke it
but Colbert clone sez the economy is going down and they need to do whatever they can
then we get a buncha 1 line opinions of how all these people with bad teeth don't like nuking Godzilla
the task force gets as many chemical companies as possible to make the blood freeze drug
oh and Godzilla will be awake in 15 days
they also have to evacuate Tokyo
some guy I think the colbert guy agrees to publish some paper 1 day b4 da nuke
turns out the guy who knew tried to find a way to neutralize nucular stuff cuz of his woman biting it from radiation
he hated radioactive stuff and those involved in it
his last note was info and said "do as u wish"
with the paper thing he left they figure out they gotta fold it
they then figure out the paper is a molecular chart on its body elements
and it can live anywhere with water or oxygen
they use other countries supercomputers to find a way to beat it
1 guy sez he thinks the guy who knew released Godzilla as a test for japan about nucular energy
they get the plan to the new pm but he sez they already passed the nuke plan
after more chatter they win him over
so they nee 3 days to make enough coolant but the nuke is 2 days away
so they get other countries to delay it
the fashionable chick tries to get a guy to trust japan
but the guy sez it might cost her the chance to become the 1st Japanese girl prez
she chooses human lives over power
the wise choice
eiher the guy who knew it was a sea monster or the Colbert guy(the monster guy) gives a speech to people applying the coolant
they use trains to kamikaze on gojira's legs
then drones to draw his back lazers
man these effects s-ck
then again, so does the movie
as he uses his beams, radiation rises\he then switches to tail laser and mouth laser
they drop buildings on him and get cranes to forcefeed him the coolant
but he mouth beams em
but hes slowing
so they gang train kamikaze him
then more forcefeeding
man theres a lot of phaIIic imagery in here
although this is from the guy who made evangelion
in one evangelion scene, shinji finds Asuka sleeping nude
so he j-rks off on her
and unlike when go nagai does it, its not meant to be funny
godilla awakens but freezes
godzllas radioactivity will be gone in like 2 years
the gov that the new pm had is resigning cuz of the pm choosing to make it so
now they gotta rebuild japan right
the sea monster guy is revealed to have only delayed the countdown until after Godzilla started moving
and he shared the data with the whole planet
the fashionable girl wants her and the sea monster guy to be prez and pm in the future
the film ends with a long pan of frozen Godzilla and the credits have the 50s Godzilla theme
the end
that wasn't a very good film
its just chatter and red tape
unlike law and order its not that interesting
all it did was ruin japan for me
you s-ck hideaki anno
there were p0rn0es better than this
for shin Godzilla 2 i'd like for it to be set in the future and the fashionable chick is the prez and the guy who knew it was a monster is prime minister. in both countries a cult has arisen that worships Godzilla. they started just as fans but got more insane with ritual sacrifices and cutting off their parts in rituals to try to revive him. the gov decides that after they started cutting off non followers parts to crack down on these maniacs. but they begin acting like their rights were violent and go on violent rampages of busting into buildings and biting off peoples parts. unable to take it, the chick orders the cults attacks to be countered by opening fire on then when they get too close. as theres to many members, they just keep going wave after wave until they get to em and tear em apart and b0ne the pieces. seeing no other option, they allow the cult to have some loser state like California or whatever and when all the cult members at in it they nuke it.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Armageddon Review

note; I actually have started going back after reviewing and fixing some spelling. not much though
this is my review on Armageddon (the 98 film)
I saw this in theatres in the 90s
I wanted to see small soldiers but my dad took us to this
wtf its by touchtone
they did nightmare b4 Christmas
aw gay
its widescreen
it starts with the old earth theory of the dinosaurs being wiped out by a meteor
but if it wiped out huge lumbering dinosaurs, how did smaller more temperature sensitive animals like butterflies amd frogs survive?
and why did Mary Higby Schweitzer find a dinosaur bone with soft tissue still intact?
and why are there sightings of mokele mbembe and other things in Africa?
so the earth is destroyed and the narrator sez it will happen again\
then nasa in space gets busted by meteors
a star gazer  is b--ched at by his woman
he sez he found something
then its new York
and meteors bust it up
its like with Sodom and Gomorrah
j j abrams did this
and so did Michael bay
no wonder it s-cked
then the star gazer reports it and naes I after his woman cuz its awful
turns out its the size of texas and will wipe out all life on earth
and its 18 days away
and the prom's tomorrow!
I should mention that Armageddon isn't "the end of the world"
it means "the battle at Megiddo" where the forces of good and evil fight 1 last time
the bible doesn't even call it the "end" of the world
its the end of the AGE or ERA
might as well call it "vimy ridge"
meanwhile bruce willis is hitting golf balls at oil protesters
hes an oil drilling thing in the sea
then he hears there was a screw up
he confronts ben Affleck and finds he's benn b0ning bruce willises daughter
so he tries to cap him with a shotgun
waste that dreg
later bruce willis talks to his daughter over it
she sez shes been b0ning ben affrecxk for 5 months
meanwhile scientists decide to drill into the asteroid by using the worlds best deep core drillers
why not just train astronauts to use a drill?
also; drilling on a metal asteroid is different than drilling in the ocean
the gov coms for bruce wllis and he asks to bring his kid
also steve buscemi sez he "never knew the girl's age" whe the gov comes
is he a child b0ner?
I mean theres a difference between 6 and 16
16 is old enough to have kids
look at all those teen 5kanks who b0ned over 300 guys
the gov tells bruce willis about the asteroid
the gov is keeping the asteroid facts from the people
they think it will keep people from going nuts
if the worlds gonna end whats the harm?
the gov stole plans for and copied his drill and built is cr-ppy
burce wllis sez "drilling is a science"
I say that's cr-p
he also finds nasa has no back up plans
he decides to do t if he can get his team as he only trusts em
we get a montage of them doing cr-p and the gov getting em
brce wilis gets ben Affleck who has alread got his own busness and is a dumba55
they get informed on the mission and want things in return
they ant their crimes negated and 8 track tapes back
1 wants the trooth on j fk
1 guy ants to summer in the white house
and none wanna have to pay taxes again
they get physicals and screw around in the dr's office
they get mental tests and all sound unbalanced
they all failed the tests but get in anyway
they then get trained how to e the new super shuttle
the x 71
not the x 1 from pee wees big adventure
or the x jet from x men
they hen get a montage of training in planes, undr water and them just being j-rkoffs
they brief on how to do the mission
they go to space, refuel at a Russian space station, drive around the moon, slingshot to the asteroid, nuke it, and leave.
all b4 it gets to close
brce wilin finds ben af;eck making out with his daughter
he asks her to marry him
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
hes malcontent over the idea of her marrying ben Affleck
I would too
\if ben Affleck wanted to b0e my kid, i'd tie him down and let pigs f him
\the drilling homies give their vews on the situation
often calling his daughter hot and seuxaly active
have they b0ned her too?
they train and be Affleck f's it up
he thinks the machine can do more than the scientists think
bruc willis chews out ben afflecks a55
then the guys get a night off to live it up
steve buscemi borrows 100 grand
ben Affleck does roleplay with animal crackers on bruce willises kid's bod
food fetish
e get a aerosmith song doing a montage of the driller guys spending 1 last night with their fams
steve buscemi and guys go to a strp club and he falls I love with a blonde bikini girl
they get in a fight and are arrested
they tell em to call nasa
yeah thatll work
then Asia gets f'd up by meteors
the gov guy billy bob thornton sez the whole world knows now and he wants to go but cant as hes crippled or something
we get a montage of news clips
bruse seilins has a tacked on emtonal moment with his kid saying hes goa come back and bring ben Affleck back
they get ready to leave and sing I'm leaving on a jet plane"
thre president gives a speech and sez the bible calls this day "Armageddon"
that's not accurate
he gives a tacked on emotional speech to try to give depth to this montage of 90s music and special effects blowing up
I notice this is a lot like independence day
only not as good
they go into space and I noice they didn't send a REAL astronaut for driving the plane as these guys have like a few days of experience
btw the cgi is pretty cr-ppy
like a ps1 game
they go to the Russian space station and it can somehow simulate gravity
the soviet guy gives ben Affleck te task of watching the pressure thing as hey refuel the rocket
it overloads and the communicator don't work so he cant contact the soviet
he tries the shut off level but it snaps
the whole station starts f--king out
what a cr-ppy space station
\he place starts blowing up and they get to the ship
its just fire and noise and flashing lghts
they nearly leave ben Affleck behind
but he makes it back somehow
they leave as the whole station goes up
they fly around the moon ad go to 10 g's
that 10 x earths gravity
I otta try that for training
they go to the meteror and the debris around it causes the ships to be f'd up
they crash and it turns out they missed the landing my 26 miles
they are on an iron plate
also ben afleck's ship crashed and only he and the soviet survived
oh and the black guy
they drive a space vehicle like in phantasy star out of the busted shuttle
the other guys try drilling through the iron plate
but it don't work
meanwhile on earth the nasa guys say the moon gravity f';d with the asterorids spin and its gonna be outta radio range
bruke willis sez the metal is stronger than earth metal and has busted 2 drills and a transmition
he argues with people over some cr-p I didn't really pay attention to
aw f
this movie is still going
I thought they were gonna end soon
its been nearly 3 hours
that's like birth of a nation!
then the army guy played by the guy who was goliath in gargoyles (keith david) takes over the nasa mission and is gonna set off the nuke on the asteroid w/o the hole drilling
I don't even remember this part
and I watched this film last night
bbilly bob thornton tries to stop em but the order goes through
they start the timer
bruse willis tries to stop it but this nasa guy with em pulls a gun on him\
\billy bob buys them a few minutes to delay the nuke
bruse willis nails him  with a wrench ad chokes him with it
imagine if in the real version he b0ned him into submission
the counter restarts and bruse wilus talks the nasa guy into defusing it
after its effused they magically get communication back and bruse wilus sez he told his kid he's coming home
at the drilling, steve buscemi rides a nuke and makes cowboy noises like in dr strange love
ben Affleck realizes that theres less gravity in space and jumps a massive canyon I his phantasy star vehicle
but they bust through som rocks and start going into space
the soviet guy goes out and fixes the thrusters so to can return to ground
they crash and no one bites it
btw, b4 they drove into space ben Affleck asked if the soviet guy knew evil kenievle
he replies he never saw star wars
now jj abrams is doing starwars
spoiler; Robotech is better
\at te drill site, steve buscmei starts shooting the place up and is tackled\
he has space dementia
then the meteor starts f--king out and the drilling this gets busted
the news sez the mission failed and people on earth try hiding in their basements form the planet busting meteor
its like holding up a kleenix to stop a freight train
the cities start going nuts with stock footage from the 3rd world
oh and a meteor busts some city
a smaller one
then the ben Affleck arrives in his phantasy star tank and they restart drilling
oh and steve buschemi is duct taped to the chair
ben Affleck nearly blowy a transmission but it works out as for once he was right about it making it
btw shouldn't they have taken several days to reach the asteroid?
I mean the oon trip took days to go from da urth 2 da moon in da 60s
thye are setting the nuke and meteors rain on em
they say the meteor is trying to wack em
then theres exlosions
1 guy nearly goes into space
oh and one guy bit it
and the nuke was damaged and one of em has to stay behind to set it off
\why didn't they bring a spare trigger?
they decide to draw straws
steve buschemi wants to stay and bite it
ben Affleck is chosen to stay and go to space h-ll
ben nd bruse go to the surface and bruse pulls out bens air hose so he goes back
we get a really hokey moment of him saying he seez ben as a son and is proud to have him marry his kid
as my black friends would say;\my a55!
i'd love for one of em to say to the other; see you in h-ll!
brce wilus sends a hokey forced message to his kid (whos like 24) about him going to h-ll
after some tech cr-p, they take off from the asteroid
after a long rawn out thing of him getting to the trigger, he flips it and has a weird flashy thing of his kid
the rock xplodes and t lights up the sky like a 2nd sun like in 2010()the sequel to 2001 a space odyssey
they return to earth and are greeted by their loved ones
even steve buschemi who has the strpper meet him and ants to breed with him
would heir kids be hot or ugly?
maybe a weird mix like tommy wiseau
in thetres we saw the wedding of be afleck and the brice willis kid but its not in the tv version I'm watching
the end
hat movie as long loud and I have a headache
personally I preferred small soldiers and felt ben Affleck was pretty cr-ppy I here
but hes just a cr-ppy guy
its like in the 1927 ww1 film "wings" where the main guy is a j-rkoff and you keep hoping he gets shredded.
For Armageddon 2 I\d like for aliens to come to earth and say that the asteroid from the 1st movie was theirs and is the only thing that can save their people. The earth reveals they busted it and the aliens have to ritual sacrifice the people responsible for its destruction to return it to its true forme. The gov decides to help em but the people rebel as they view the people who saved the earth as heroes and human gods. A civil war breaks out with the aliens and gov vs the people over trying to save or sacrifice the guys from the 1st movie. Ben Affleck leads the rebellion but his son (who hates him for raising him to be a commie and ashamed of his ancestry) has sided with the gov and the aliens and is given a cyber armor suit to splatter people who get in his way of getting Ben Affleck. Once he captures Ben Affleck the son and the aliens give him full body enema's until he ruptures all over and the asteroid is renewed. Also ben Affleck\s kid is the reincarnation of bruce wllis and is disgruntled over sacrificing himself to save a j-ck off like ben Affleck haing regretted saving him. oh and he downloaded his essence into his daughter who passed it into her uterus to reborn him. oh and steve buschemi and his strpper and their tommy wiseau kids were spared as steve going nuts on the mission was a reaction to him being psychic and knew it was bad to blow up the asteroid and his kids have esp and hunt for the gov to find those to ritual sacrifice and can form psy blades with their psychic ki.

Friday, November 11, 2016

The Searchers Review

note; spellcheck? why I need dat?
this is my review on the searchers
its by john ford and stars john wayne and Jeffery hunter
I hear its based on a book
I liked john wayne
he was bad a55
not like all these millennials and candy a55 wieners
i'd like it if john wayne came back for a day like in dbz and kicked millennial candy a55!
I loved john ford films
the iron horse from the 20s was grand
too bad he was a commie
but ford was bad a55 too
I wanna see stagecoach
I hear its awesome
john  wayne was like a 1800s chuck Norris
it starts with bright vivid color credits and a song about being manly
\ooh, max steiner did the music
he was good
then its texas 1868
in a house in a wasteland, john wayne arrives
hes the home owners uncle ethan
really good music btw
the fam gets along with john wayne and chats
he sez he never was nor wants to go to California
hes too hetero lol
I've seen the crow city of angels
that place is like dantes inferno
then Jeffery hunter comes in for dinner
john wyne notices he's part indian
he sez only 1/8th
my cousins Japanese grandma is 1/4th north European
her grandma was white
her daughter is 1/8th white but she married my uncle(a Slovenian)
their kids are 9/16hs white(which is a fraction never used in ancestry)
my cousin married a french woman (from Europe)
their kids are 25/32th's white(another fraction hardly used
later john wayne gives a guy yankee money in newly minted gold
in the daytime some guys come by saying their animals got jacked
one guy deputizes a few guys as texas rangers
they get no pay
john wayne suspects its Comanche
john wayne don't wanna be sworn in as he already swore an oath to the confederates
nowadays they'd make him the bad guy for fighting on the losing side of a war
how were the confederates different than the 1776 warriors?
same goal
freedom nd independence
the men go out to find the animal stealers
nowadays they'd be depicted in some sympathetic light for stealing someone elses things
on the way there hunter calls wayne uncle and jogn wayns sez to just call him ethan
they find the animals slaughtered for no reason
\this was a trap
they drew the men away to wack and b0ne the women and children
if this was made today it could be set in the mid dle ea ast
back at the home the fam waits in the sunset shimmer
the film implies doom approaches
they prepare for the assault
the mom has the little girl escape so the attackers don't b0ne her dad
she sends a noisy dog back but is caught by a big buff ndian
when jogn wayne and friends arrive the next day the place is burned down
just like in star wars
but thi is more emotional and dramatic
he finds a body b0ned and chopped up and maybe eaten
but we don't see it
john wayne does
when hunter freaks out and tries to see john wayne slugs him to save him from the shock
if this were made today it would've shown the fam getting chopped up, b0ned and eaten
at the funeral john wayne cuts the singing and goes off for revenge
a woman tries to talk him outta it but he and the guys go
they find a indian grave and suspect something is up as the usually hide their corpses
they aren't afraid of being followed
john wayne shoots the body in the eyes from horseback(good aim)
according to their belief, they cant pass on to the next world w/o eyes
nowadays this would be twisted to make him look bad
also it would ignore his fam's slaughter
they try something (I wasn't paying attention) but it don't really work
the next day they pass an indian but ignore him
its the one who got the little girl
as they continue, more show up around em in the distance
\I should mention the texas ranger who deputized em is a reverend
he kicks a55 and is smart
nowadays they try to make him look evil
they bolt for the river and get across
the ndians stay on the other side chanting
I assume they're casting spells
then the Indians attack across the river
so the guys open fire
the idians turn back and john wayne trys to pick more off
but the reverend stops him to show mercy
later they wana split up the team
hunter and some other guy go with john wayne
the rest return
they walk on and 1 guy busts john waynes chops over him saying "if they're till alive" about the girls they're ring to save
john  waynes response?
that'll be the day!
a line buddy holly used in a song
later john wayne goes on a mission and comes back uneasy and w/o his coat
at night the other guy sez he saw the girl wearing the dress
john wayne sez its someone wearing her dress as he found her body in the mission and buried her in his coat
he was trying to protect them
the other guy wants to know more but john ayne refuses to say how they b0ned and chopped her up and ate parts of her
so he goes on a suicide run and dies fighting the Indians
nowadays it would how her b0ned chopped up and eaten body and the guy getting shredded by gunfire
later its winter and john wayne sez they wanna raise the other girl as one of them until she's old enough to b0ne
but he wont stop
they later show up at the home of the other guy to tell his fam
hunter meets a nice girl
she later walks in on hunter taking a bath and he don't want her seeing his thing
john wayne sez he tried to track the Indians but lost em and don't know wat band they are of
the fam gives john wayne a letter and it has a bit from a dress the girl wore
the letter sender is on the path to finding the girl
john wayne wants to go on alone and let hunter stay with the other guy\s fam
hunter only wants to go as the iced fam took him in
later hunter talks with the woman who likes him
he wants to be with john wayne to keep him from going nuts
she reads him the letter saying this guy bought a dress off an indian and he wants a reward
\he goes off and the woman goes mental over him going off and she wants him
he and j w go to the guy and get the info about a chief named skar
at night j w and j hunter talk about indian things
also he sets up a fake john wayne sleeping by using blankets and supplys and his hat
later he info guy caps the fake john wayne and the real one caps the guy
j w gets his money he gave the guy back and hunter gets p-ssed that j w used him as bait
hunter sez; wat if u missed?
wayne sez; never occurred to me
what a badA55
later the other guys fam (who's Swedish or w/e) read a letter from hunter
they found more Indians but none knew skar
they traded with Indians and john wayne sez he found a lead
an indian girl follows them and its revealed hunter accidentally married her
well, not in a church or an actual holy ceremony
the woman reading the letter goes mental an throws the letter in the fire
the rents get it out and read it
his indian "wife" has a fat a55
she keeps trying to sleep next to him and he kicks her down a hill
nowadays this would be seen as evil instead of comedic
they ask about skarr and she freaks out
he must be a big bada55 wasteland warrior leader
the next day shes gone and left an arrow of rocks on the ground
it snows and the hunter and the wayne hunt bison
hunter john wayne wastes a buncha em so they cant feed the Indians
then the army arrives on horseback
john waynr and hunter fnd an indian town busted up
they finfd his "wife" iced
at some point hunter finds the girls doll from the start of the film
john wayne and hunter come to an army base and ask about an age 14 white girl
where all the white women at?
they find 2 girls but they're mnds are broken and they cant function
john wayne sez; they aint white anymore, they're Comanche
I think tumbler would go mental at that
but they go mental at anything
the woman finishes reading the letter and goes mental over how he signed his name
man, even in the 1800s chicks were crazy
later its summer and they reunite with some guy from before
he don't want a reward and sez he met a guy who knows her
its a mexican guy
I think they are in mexico
after an offscreen talk, john wayne goes to meet skarre
tey meet him and its the guy who took the girl
he calls john wayne "bi shoulders" and hunter "he who follows"
what is this? the crow?
top dollar, tin tin, t bird, funboy ect
they have a meeting and he sez hes killing white people cuz 2 people who were white wacked his sons
that's tumbler right there
he collects their scalps
does he b0ne em?
necro creep!
later heyare outside the camp and the Mexican guy goes home and gives back the cash wayne gave him
the girl comes by played by natalie wood as its been 5 years and a 30 year old playing a teen works in power rangers
she's turned on her fam and race to side with their killers
john  wayne wants to ice her
but gets shot by attacking Indians and they all flee
hey get to a rock place and fight the Indians off
oh and the girl isn't with em
as they recoup oe gives hunter his will
it sez he has no blood kin
I guess she's transitioned to her new race
btw, nowadays a white living as any other race is seen a "cultural appropriation"
which is pretty much a made up term anyway
what about Asians who wear jeans and a t shirt?
isn't that them "appropriating" our culture?
then again; tmbler doesn't use real logic
hunter goes mental at wayne for turning on his niece who turned on him
later some 1800s people an event
jown wayne and hunter show up and the other guy's dad sez the reverend and rangers want em for wasting the info guy
they're having a wedding
john wayne comes in and has a drink
hunter talks to the woman and shes going mental over him not messaging her enough
the guy she's marryng comes in and he's an inbred hick
they talk they fight
they then go out for a fist fight
butits more like MMA as they grapple and roll around
at least they aint b0ning
the reverend nterrupts but then lets em figt
the woman tells john wayne to make em stop
he replies; why? you started it!
perfect reply to a woman's false logic: real logic!
after the fight the inbred guy sez sorry for biting hunters ear
as I was from the 90s I remember mike Tyson
john wayne gives the reverend his gun and a wiener teen comes in
the older men keep being normal at him as he is too regulation
man they knew the newer generations would be dinks
he sez they need help to fight the commanche
then the some guy from b4 comes in with info on skarre
later they plan an atta k but john wayne wants to go in and waste everyone
even her
john wayne sez one scalp on skarres lance was his moms
he doesn't care
later the candy a55 wiener teen come in an causes a ruckus
the reverend is p-ssed at him and wants him gone
the Cavalry is on its way
\hunter tries to sneak the girl out but the troops attack the enemy camp
its a well done battle
the girl tries to escape and the hunter tries to stop the john wayne but the john wayne 1st
he picks her up like when she was a kid and sez; lets go home
the battle ends with the enemy defeated
john wayne, hunter and natalie wood return to the other guy's fam's home and everyone but the john wayne goes inside
john wayne walks off into the wasteland
the end
what a film
cant go wrong with john wayne
even is he's playing Genghis khan
he's still awesome
and I hear he turned catholic near the end
what a guy
for the searchers 2 i'd like for john wayne to go through a time warp in the wastelands and wind up in the 2010s with everyone being sissy and PC. seeing what a screwed up place it is, he ties to find a way back to his time period to  keep things  manly and col and tough. these sissies and candy a55 clowns try to have him arrested for being a cool smart normal man without mental issues or political correctness. so he goes around slugging em out when they sissily slap him for being not PC. Eventually his manliness and coolness gets the normal people to come out of hiding and fight back against the tumbler commies and femminists and other general malcontents who thought the 50s and men are bad.