The Searchers Review

note; spellcheck? why I need dat?
the SeARCHERS
this is my review on the searchers
its by john ford and stars john wayne and Jeffery hunter
I hear its based on a book
I liked john wayne
he was bad a55
not like all these millennials and candy a55 wieners
i'd like it if john wayne came back for a day like in dbz and kicked millennial candy a55!
I loved john ford films
the iron horse from the 20s was grand
too bad he was a commie
but ford was bad a55 too
I wanna see stagecoach
I hear its awesome
john  wayne was like a 1800s chuck Norris
it starts with bright vivid color credits and a song about being manly
\ooh, max steiner did the music
he was good
then its texas 1868
in a house in a wasteland, john wayne arrives
hes the home owners uncle ethan
really good music btw
the fam gets along with john wayne and chats
he sez he never was nor wants to go to California
hes too hetero lol
I've seen the crow city of angels
that place is like dantes inferno
then Jeffery hunter comes in for dinner
john wyne notices he's part indian
he sez only 1/8th
my cousins Japanese grandma is 1/4th north European
her grandma was white
her daughter is 1/8th white but she married my uncle(a Slovenian)
their kids are 9/16hs white(which is a fraction never used in ancestry)
my cousin married a french woman (from Europe)
their kids are 25/32th's white(another fraction hardly used
later john wayne gives a guy yankee money in newly minted gold
in the daytime some guys come by saying their animals got jacked
one guy deputizes a few guys as texas rangers
they get no pay
john wayne suspects its Comanche
john wayne don't wanna be sworn in as he already swore an oath to the confederates
nowadays they'd make him the bad guy for fighting on the losing side of a war
how were the confederates different than the 1776 warriors?
same goal
freedom nd independence
the men go out to find the animal stealers
nowadays they'd be depicted in some sympathetic light for stealing someone elses things
on the way there hunter calls wayne uncle and jogn wayns sez to just call him ethan
they find the animals slaughtered for no reason
\this was a trap
they drew the men away to wack and b0ne the women and children
if this was made today it could be set in the mid dle ea ast
back at the home the fam waits in the sunset shimmer
the film implies doom approaches
they prepare for the assault
the mom has the little girl escape so the attackers don't b0ne her dad
she sends a noisy dog back but is caught by a big buff ndian
when jogn wayne and friends arrive the next day the place is burned down
just like in star wars
but thi is more emotional and dramatic
he finds a body b0ned and chopped up and maybe eaten
but we don't see it
john wayne does
when hunter freaks out and tries to see john wayne slugs him to save him from the shock
if this were made today it would've shown the fam getting chopped up, b0ned and eaten
at the funeral john wayne cuts the singing and goes off for revenge
a woman tries to talk him outta it but he and the guys go
they find a indian grave and suspect something is up as the usually hide their corpses
they aren't afraid of being followed
john wayne shoots the body in the eyes from horseback(good aim)
according to their belief, they cant pass on to the next world w/o eyes
nowadays this would be twisted to make him look bad
also it would ignore his fam's slaughter
they try something (I wasn't paying attention) but it don't really work
the next day they pass an indian but ignore him
its the one who got the little girl
as they continue, more show up around em in the distance
\I should mention the texas ranger who deputized em is a reverend
he kicks a55 and is smart
nowadays they try to make him look evil
they bolt for the river and get across
the ndians stay on the other side chanting
I assume they're casting spells
then the Indians attack across the river
so the guys open fire
the idians turn back and john wayne trys to pick more off
but the reverend stops him to show mercy
later they wana split up the team
hunter and some other guy go with john wayne
the rest return
they walk on and 1 guy busts john waynes chops over him saying "if they're till alive" about the girls they're ring to save
john  waynes response?
that'll be the day!
a line buddy holly used in a song
later john wayne goes on a mission and comes back uneasy and w/o his coat
at night the other guy sez he saw the girl wearing the dress
john wayne sez its someone wearing her dress as he found her body in the mission and buried her in his coat
he was trying to protect them
the other guy wants to know more but john ayne refuses to say how they b0ned and chopped her up and ate parts of her
so he goes on a suicide run and dies fighting the Indians
nowadays it would how her b0ned chopped up and eaten body and the guy getting shredded by gunfire
later its winter and john wayne sez they wanna raise the other girl as one of them until she's old enough to b0ne
but he wont stop
they later show up at the home of the other guy to tell his fam
hunter meets a nice girl
she later walks in on hunter taking a bath and he don't want her seeing his thing
john wayne sez he tried to track the Indians but lost em and don't know wat band they are of
the fam gives john wayne a letter and it has a bit from a dress the girl wore
the letter sender is on the path to finding the girl
john wayne wants to go on alone and let hunter stay with the other guy\s fam
hunter only wants to go as the iced fam took him in
later hunter talks with the woman who likes him
he wants to be with john wayne to keep him from going nuts
she reads him the letter saying this guy bought a dress off an indian and he wants a reward
\he goes off and the woman goes mental over him going off and she wants him
he and j w go to the guy and get the info about a chief named skar
at night j w and j hunter talk about indian things
also he sets up a fake john wayne sleeping by using blankets and supplys and his hat
later he info guy caps the fake john wayne and the real one caps the guy
j w gets his money he gave the guy back and hunter gets p-ssed that j w used him as bait
hunter sez; wat if u missed?
wayne sez; never occurred to me
what a badA55
later the other guys fam (who's Swedish or w/e) read a letter from hunter
they found more Indians but none knew skar
they traded with Indians and john wayne sez he found a lead
an indian girl follows them and its revealed hunter accidentally married her
well, not in a church or an actual holy ceremony
the woman reading the letter goes mental an throws the letter in the fire
the rents get it out and read it
his indian "wife" has a fat a55
she keeps trying to sleep next to him and he kicks her down a hill
nowadays this would be seen as evil instead of comedic
they ask about skarr and she freaks out
he must be a big bada55 wasteland warrior leader
the next day shes gone and left an arrow of rocks on the ground
it snows and the hunter and the wayne hunt bison
hunter john wayne wastes a buncha em so they cant feed the Indians
then the army arrives on horseback
john waynr and hunter fnd an indian town busted up
they finfd his "wife" iced
at some point hunter finds the girls doll from the start of the film
john wayne and hunter come to an army base and ask about an age 14 white girl
where all the white women at?
they find 2 girls but they're mnds are broken and they cant function
john wayne sez; they aint white anymore, they're Comanche
I think tumbler would go mental at that
but they go mental at anything
the woman finishes reading the letter and goes mental over how he signed his name
man, even in the 1800s chicks were crazy
later its summer and they reunite with some guy from before
he don't want a reward and sez he met a guy who knows her
its a mexican guy
I think they are in mexico
after an offscreen talk, john wayne goes to meet skarre
tey meet him and its the guy who took the girl
he calls john wayne "bi shoulders" and hunter "he who follows"
what is this? the crow?
top dollar, tin tin, t bird, funboy ect
they have a meeting and he sez hes killing white people cuz 2 people who were white wacked his sons
that's tumbler right there
he collects their scalps
why?
does he b0ne em?
necro creep!
later heyare outside the camp and the Mexican guy goes home and gives back the cash wayne gave him
the girl comes by played by natalie wood as its been 5 years and a 30 year old playing a teen works in power rangers
she's turned on her fam and race to side with their killers
john  wayne wants to ice her
but gets shot by attacking Indians and they all flee
hey get to a rock place and fight the Indians off
oh and the girl isn't with em
as they recoup oe gives hunter his will
it sez he has no blood kin
I guess she's transitioned to her new race
btw, nowadays a white living as any other race is seen a "cultural appropriation"
which is pretty much a made up term anyway
what about Asians who wear jeans and a t shirt?
isn't that them "appropriating" our culture?
then again; tmbler doesn't use real logic
hunter goes mental at wayne for turning on his niece who turned on him
later some 1800s people an event
jown wayne and hunter show up and the other guy's dad sez the reverend and rangers want em for wasting the info guy
they're having a wedding
john wayne comes in and has a drink
hunter talks to the woman and shes going mental over him not messaging her enough
the guy she's marryng comes in and he's an inbred hick
they talk they fight
they then go out for a fist fight
butits more like MMA as they grapple and roll around
at least they aint b0ning
the reverend nterrupts but then lets em figt
the woman tells john wayne to make em stop
he replies; why? you started it!
perfect reply to a woman's false logic: real logic!
after the fight the inbred guy sez sorry for biting hunters ear
as I was from the 90s I remember mike Tyson
john wayne gives the reverend his gun and a wiener teen comes in
the older men keep being normal at him as he is too regulation
man they knew the newer generations would be dinks
he sez they need help to fight the commanche
then the some guy from b4 comes in with info on skarre
later they plan an atta k but john wayne wants to go in and waste everyone
even her
john wayne sez one scalp on skarres lance was his moms
he doesn't care
later the candy a55 wiener teen come in an causes a ruckus
the reverend is p-ssed at him and wants him gone
the Cavalry is on its way
\hunter tries to sneak the girl out but the troops attack the enemy camp
its a well done battle
the girl tries to escape and the hunter tries to stop the john wayne but the john wayne 1st
he picks her up like when she was a kid and sez; lets go home
the battle ends with the enemy defeated
john wayne, hunter and natalie wood return to the other guy's fam's home and everyone but the john wayne goes inside
john wayne walks off into the wasteland
the end
what a film
cant go wrong with john wayne
even is he's playing Genghis khan
he's still awesome
and I hear he turned catholic near the end
what a guy
for the searchers 2 i'd like for john wayne to go through a time warp in the wastelands and wind up in the 2010s with everyone being sissy and PC. seeing what a screwed up place it is, he ties to find a way back to his time period to  keep things  manly and col and tough. these sissies and candy a55 clowns try to have him arrested for being a cool smart normal man without mental issues or political correctness. so he goes around slugging em out when they sissily slap him for being not PC. Eventually his manliness and coolness gets the normal people to come out of hiding and fight back against the tumbler commies and femminists and other general malcontents who thought the 50s and men are bad.