Monday, April 30, 2018

War Of The Worlds Review

note; movies starting. canrt spell. get aids
war of the worlds
this is my review on war of the warolds 2005 spielburg version
it starts with narrartion of cr-p aboiut earth being watched
I don't care
get to the people popping
some space people are jealous of earth or w/e
then we get some wiener working in a shipping thing at a boat place
he goes home but his boss wants him back in 4 hours as he needs him
but tom crooz (the wiener ) uses union cr-p to get away with being a d-ck
this is why unions need to go
like nuking japan, unions had a time and place
but now its over and continuing does more harm than good
tom hanks I mean croz is getting his kids from his ex wife who found a better man
also shes pregnant
ex wife comes into toms place and bashes his cr-ppy home
also his Dakota fanning daughter and Justin chatwin son share a room
aka; the daughter from I am sam and dragon ball evolution Goku
whats with speilburg and little blonde girls?
drew Barrymore in ET
the dead chick jn poultergeist
mindy and buttons in animaniacs
oh and theres EMP bursts all over the world in storms
so tom plays base ball with Goku and the ball busts a window
dakotA points out they have no food so she orders cr-p
dakuoa has a splinter and don't want him removing it
she sez her body will push it out on its own
man tom crooz is a cr--py parent in this film
whats with speilberg and bAD dads?
this and ET and close encounters
I think he never forgave his dad to circomsizing him
oh and Goku son went out
tom goes out and the sky is f;d
its like power rangers time force where the time holes f'd the present
its galactus from the 2000s fantastic 4 silver surfer movie
Dakota is scared by the lightning and wind but tom likes it
don't ruin storm love tom scrooz
tom screws??!
is he a mega man robot?!
oh and the powers out
and all electronics
he goes out and all cars stopped
the guys go to where lightening hit in an intersection
the ground is frozen
earth shakes and cracks and building bust
out of the ground arises a big tentacle legs space pod thing
totally not like a Zentraedi battle pod from Robotech
that would be copyright infringing
btw in the book the aliens came from space
not buried in the ground
and I think they were from mars
the battlepod then fires a death ray that dusts anyone it hits
kinda like sailor moon
they poof into powder
catsy; sailor moon! take a powder!! (shoots ice fire)
oh and tom crooz gets away and goes home covered in human dust
hes kinda shook up
so he gets everyone out and gets a gun
he takes a car and his homie tries to stop him
tom books it as the battlepod dusts his homie
Dakota is freakling out aS THEY drive
so Goku comforts her
tom tells Goku about the battle pod
later tom stops by his ex wifes place but shes gone
and the food from toms place is just condiments
so tom makes peanut butter sandwitches
but dakota is allergic to peanut butter
so tim croz throws em at the window and the p butter sticks
so they sleep in the basement
btw in the book the main guy didn't have wiener kids following him everywhere
later the aliens attack and they hide in the sub basement
next day tome comes out and a plane landed on their house
it wasn't aliens
he meets a guy in da plane looting it
oh and hes got a woman
they survived by being in the pine barons
is this in jersey?!
btw the pine barons have supernatural sh-t going down
the chick shows tom a tape of lighnening
the aliens came into the capsules on lightning and into the long buried battle pods
so its like the Invid?
tom brings Dakota out but has her not look at anything
typical post 80s rent
sheltering their kids from anything scary
this is why they toned down Lord Zedd in power rangers
later while driving Dakota has to whiz
they stop but tom is worried about strangers or car jackers
in an empty town
and wants Dakota to pee where he can see her
that's totally not gonna be taken the wrong way
she goes by a river and sees bodies floating in it
the aliens dust people
who iced those dregs?!
tom followes her to watch her pee and covers her eyes
btw how is the car running?
the EMP blast wiped everything
oh and Goku son wants to join da army to fight the space invaders
and soldiers go by as he tries in vain to join em
but Dakota sez; who will take care of me if u go?!
proving tom isn't good
man we're an hour in
not much happened
at night they drive into a group of people
its a swarm
they all want his car
the mob gets unruly and attacks em
braking windows and dragging em out
if u plowed through em then you'd be safe
tom fights but gets beat up so Goku steps in
tom fires in the air to get some space
another guy pulls a gun on tom and takes the car
so they make their way on foot and meet some chick tommy knows
and people are going on a ferry
but its leaving
and the battlepods are attacking
and theyre all gathered together
the feery is going and tom and fam just get on
but the water has a battle pod rise up from it
the fery tips and the cars and people go in a water
btw none of this happened in da book
they get to land and battlepods start reaching down with tentacles and grabbing people
they gon get b0ned by space demons
later its day again and the army attacks the battlepods
but Goku son wants to join in
tom pins him and tells him he loves him and to stay
but then lets him go off to fight and die against the space monsters
oh and he saves Dakota from strangers who wanted to help and thought she was alone
oh and the army has no effect on em
tom hides in a guys celler and the cellerman is still there
celler man is armed and sharpening things
tom sez all the dakotAS loved ones (including her bro) are alive and well and safe
tom don't know any of her bedtime songs so he sings a jingle to a car add or w/e
tom talks with cellerman and he's prepared for weeks
also he welcomes tom to stay
cellerman sez the space invaders are too strong to stop and have been planning this for a long time
and how the aware survive
cellerman sez the Japanese took a few out
and the invaders must have a weakness
he plans an uprising to take em down somehow
later cellerman sez he had a daughter Dakotas age
and thinks tom might surrender to the invaders and be their pet
me; or secks slave!!!
then a teanacle comes in the celler and they evade it
btw, why not pray?
these are space demons right?
survivors say holy words scare off aliens
cellerman nearly axes the tentacle but tom stops him
they hide behind a mirror
how would an alien know what a mirror is?
it might plasma blast through it!
Dakotas foot slips and tentacle looks back but they're gone by then
it leaves but then returns
wait its a space guy
looks kinda Invid
1 goes in but didn't see em
cellerman nearly snipers one but tom hanks or croioz or w/e stops him
space commies book it and cellerman tells him they aint on da same page
later its day again and the invaders are drinking people with tentacle straws
celer man freaks out and starts digging a hole saying; not my blood!
he wants to tunnel to the city and have a subway based resistance in the sewers
tom hanks or crooz or Wiseau or w/e blindfolds his daughter and tells her to sing and cover her ears
then he murders celerman
he took you into HIS home
saved you from the space monsters
and because u fear he might get you caught you kill him?!
good F man!
if you hate him so much the get the h-ll out!
this isn't ur home a55 hole!
cellerman was scared and you killed him
ur the bad guy tom
go to h-ll!
this might be a thing on malcontents who hate America but don't wanna leave it so they wanna take out anyone they hate
later dakota wakes up and theres a camera tentacle in there
tom axes it and she runs off
tom looks for her and a battlepod comes down
he hides in a truck and sees Dakota just standing there as a battle pod comes for her
it picks her up an tom goes after it
and gets grenades
he throws 1 but its force field blox it
so it grabs him and puts him in the cage with other people
and Dakotas there
this anus looking opening has a tentacle come out and pull a guy in it
then it gets tom
people pull him and get him out of the space anus
wouldn't it rip his arm/legs off?
tom left grenades in it and it blows the battlepod
btw in the book they never took it down
it showed the alien supremacy
here people beating it on their own defeats the purpose and message of the book
its like the 30s moby dick where Ahab gets the whale
the next day the aliens are acting weird and their shields are down
so the army bazookas em down
the pod opens and all this p-ss comes out
then the alien comes out and bites it
then tom crooz gets to boston and reunites Dakota with her mom
and somehow the Goku son is there and is ok and was safe the whole time
and now he loves tom crooz
that came outta nowhere
turns out; the aliens all died naturally
germs on earth iced em
narrator sez God gave us germs to protect us or something
btw this is a thing against going places ur not meant for?
like the 3rd world
every other week I hear of some canadians beat or b0ned or iced in some poor country they were vacationing n
plus there was the Spanish flu in 1918
my grandpa survived that
and did lilian gish
the end
that was
its different than the book a lot
and the better 60s version
and they tacked on extra characters
and changed pretty much everything
and set it in modern times
man this is like the dragon ball evolution of war of the worlds movies
at least that didn't make Goku a cr-ppy dad who murders people for no reason and steals their home
I mean this film was well made
but its kinda f'd
i'm around even on this film
its not lord of the rings I mean war of the worlds
but its not that awful
go back to pinky and the brain speilberg
that was always great
for war of the worlds 2 I want the people to reverse engineer the alien cr-p but one country goes to far and uses it to take over parts of the world. also its 20 years later and the bad country (probably England) is ruling over the wastelands of America and cyber punk cyber cities. tom crooz is in jail for icing that guy and his daughter has had enough of his cr-p and has become a warrior queen ruling a tribe of amazon bikini warriors who fight the lusty Englishmen who try to b0ne them. also the son is a scientist and in the resistance and making higher tech from the alien cr-p to make mech suits and power armor exoskeletons to allow super human abilities in combat. its also a gamecube dreamcast xbox and ps2 game like Robotech battlecry and you go around in battle armor fighting English warriors and going on missions to save America.

Sunday, April 29, 2018

Crocodile Dundee Review

note; I'm from the 80sw too. and I spell like a55
crocodile Dundee
this is my review on crpocodile dunde (1986 )
I never saw it b4 but remember when c d in l a came out in the early 00s
this reporter wants to do a story on a guy who got f'd up by a crock and survived
hes Michael j crockdile Dundee
totally not jim crocodile cook from Yugioh gx
then we get credits as a chopper goes through a mad max wasteland
its got paul Hogan and some polish chick
she lands and meets dundees business partner
wtf they drive backwards cars
its like japan or soviet England
they go to a town that's mostly empty
is this a western?
she is gonna pay 2500 $ to see where the croc got him and how he survived
then its night and the Australians are tough guys
partner sez the croc bit off half his leg
so he wacked it and crawled through snake swamps
but this ragged chick laughs at da story
then 1 guy brings in a croc and I think its dead
he looks like Indiana jones meets mad max
its crocodile Dundee
hes a hero to these people and dances with da chick
the croc only scarred his leg with a bite
not bit it off
1 guy hassles c d over being a poacher
so he lays the smack down on his candy a55
then he does the game where u punch the big guy in da gut and te tries not to spill his beer on his head
but CD smooches him like bugs bunny and the guy tries to beat his a55
later its daytime and theyre driving
he don't know when he was born as he was raised by a tribe
he used to have a woman with big b00bs but she ditched him when he was out
then they come across a water buffalo blocking the road
he does some kind of magic touch on its head to make it lay down
does he have Ki training?
once I was at my cousins place and there was a dog.
I didn't say anything, but when I had a bad thought of it, it went mental right after
I think it can sense ki
once I was walking outside and a dog on the other side of a fence barked at me
I cooled my ki and it stopped
later after a boat ride he goes off with the chick alone and is told to be back my Wednesday
and its Monday
he previously didn't know what year it is\
is he a highlander?
he shows the boat where the croc attacked
it was in the rainy season and croc was 18 feet
he tells how it got him in the roll and he was fishing as croc hunting is illegal for some reason
but in the boat are bullets
later its night and she reveals her past
she had a bf who protested everything
and left her to protest
when asked if the
natives should get their land back he sez they don't own it, it owns them
that sounds like a horror movie
slaves to the earth
later she wakes up to gunfire and cars with searchlights going around
theyre shooting kangaroos
and she wants him to stop em for some reason
I guy goes out to p-ss but gets shot at by a kangaroo
but its really CD faking it somehow
then its Tuesday AM
chick talks into a tape recorder about being alone but CD sez hes there
after her taking things the wrong way she goes off on her own
but he has her bring a gun to signal him by shooting in the air
he follows her and she takes off her skirt to show shes in a skimpy one piece like maron from dbz
shes about to go swimming but a croc attacks
but CD takes it out with a big a55 knife to the skull
he comforts her and she asks if its dead
with a huge blade in its head
later he sez how living in the city can be dangerous too
but then goes off when he hears something
this big black tribal guy comes up but is a friend of CD
hes a normal guy with fine English skills
the friend goes off with CD to a tribal gathering
no girls allowed
but she sneaks her way there
but CD sees her
so she leaves
when he gets back she thinks hes telepathic for knowing
but he just knows as a reporter she couldn't resist
later its Wednesday and he talks about being ok with biting it as he believes in God
they go to a place with mineral water so theres no crocs
he gets her weird Australian food and then they go swimming
in the 90s I too wore bathing suits instead of undies
later she suggests him coming to new York
then they kiss
then fly to new Sodom new York
after issues with an escalator, hes in a cab
new York has 7 million people
he thinks they must be friendly as 7 million people all wanna live together
hes friendly to people and thinks the black driver is from a good tribe
as no one in his rube has a car like that
nowadays people would go up the a55 over a comment like that
he gets a big a55 hotel and thinks its much
also he doesn't get tipping
spoiler; never tip
imagine this
thanks for fixing my tooth dentist! heres a tip!
thanks for teaching my kids grade school teacher! heres a tip!
thanks for not giving me a ticket officer. heres a tip!
why pay 2x for the same job?
so she shows him the toilet and he figures out what a bidet is for
I thought those were for after butt secks
he goes out in new York and the streets are full of pushy new Yorkers
and theres traffic up the a55
he climbs a street post and a horse cop gets him home to da hotel
later its night and the chicks boss has them out for dinner
boss seems like kind of an a55
also I think hes been b0ning the chick
and he has a stereotypical view of those kangaroo Mexicans
as Australia is a desert like mexico and has kangaroos
CD has enough and socks him while no ones looking, then blames the booze on his wooziness
later they take a car ride and she's p-ssed at him for punching her butt buddy
and boss is still woozy
I think he hit a pressure point and hes gonna bite it soon
they get off and CD and the cab driver go drinking
in the bad this black guy with a really f'd mouth talks in 80s black guy slang CD never heard
CD uses Australian slang and they bond
this alleged woman flirts with and tries to b0ne CD
but cab guy warns him its a guy
so he pulls a Goku and grabs the crotch
man parts
later da cab is stolen and 2 80s h00kers flirt with CD
1 h00ker recognizes him from the newspaper stories
he doesn't get they wanna b0ne him and their p-m hassles him over it
after he swears in the uncut version CD slugs his a55 out and ca guy with cab drives him home
this seems a lot like mr deeds goe ro town from the 30s by frank capra
but exotic
later hes in the hotel bath tub and cleaning his items
the main chick fakes being room service and reaches her leg in like shes gonna b0ne him
so he covers his parts (which are already covered by subs) with his hat
she gets him a hot dog with the works and its like him giving her austarla food b4
later a homie purse snatches a woman's things and CD nails him in the head with a soup can as he runs
see you in h-ll purse snatcher!
later hes at a party and meets some hag the chick knows
so he pulls a Goku and grabs her crotch to see if shes really a woman
never can tell in new York
or the 80s
1 guy is doing blow and CD thinks its a blocked nose
so he puts the blow in a pot and adds boiling water
chick tells him it was hundreds of $$ of cocainum
he don't know what it is
later its day again and his homies back home call him
he wants to stay a while
later its night and a homie in a Michael Jackson red leather jacket holds em at switchblade point
so he pulls out his huge a55 croc killer and they flee
she sez she feels like jane in tarzan
they kiss
maybe b0ne offscreen
later her dad who's a big wig in the paper wants to meet CD
later its night and he goes to her dads palace/mansion
2 big black dogs come at him but h uses his Ki trick to calm em
dad is happy CD saved his daughter
he gets along with the big wigs and chick takes him aside
she sez one of em is seeing a shrink and he think you should just talk to ur homies
this is like someone from the 1910s meeting someone from the 2010s
common sense vs pc cr-p
at dinner the boss proposes to the chick
we get a bummer moment where the driver gets CD some booze and drops him off in times square
he gives whats left of the booze to a hobo and meets the 80s h00kers
p-mp comes out and gets slugged
then 2 big guys fight CD
but the black guy driver saves him
and uses a car spoiler as a boomerang
and reveals he was in the harlem warlords
which CD thinks is a tribe
the next day CD sez hes gonna look around America
later the chick finds out and goes after him
CD goes to the subway the doorman told him about
she gets held up by a guy trying to b0ne her but she nails him in the parts
at the subway the place is packed with people
so she passes messages back and forth to him
shes not marrying the boss and loves CD
he climbs on top of the people and walks over em
reminds me of earthworm jim with the wizard of oz ep with the flat critter road
they hug
the end
art department; mike leather?!
sounds like a p0rn0 name
so that was pretty good
light and easy going
CD is a good guy and has a good attitude
hes positive and friendly
and bad a55
kinda like cutey honey
or jojo from primeval
or sonic the hedgehog
this was a positive movie with some action and fun
but nowadays they'd whine too much about it triggering some tumbler commie
for crocodile Dundee 2 I want the guy she ditched for CD to kidnap her and send his goons to take him on. So him and the black driver team up to take em out in several levels of beat em up action through new York. its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis and super Nintendo and the ex bf is the game bos who injects himself with animal DNA to mutate into a big abomination to fight Dundee.

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Review

note; this is the movie. also; typoes
buffy the vampire slayer
this is my review on buffy the vampire slayer fro 92
I saw a few seasons of the tv series in da late 90s
kinda fell outta it
this movie has kristy swanson and pee wee herman
it starts with a narrator sayng vampires exist and only a slayer can stop em
she's born with a special mark and trained by the watcher
then we get credits with cheerleaders in high school
Donald Sutherland is in this
and luke perry
and hilery swank
and david Arquette
and steven root from king of the hill
man, lotsa 90s guys
man this looks like candy man in high school
dat 1992
ew, its written by joss whedon
his purvursion knows no bounds
oh and this is in south California
aka new Sodom
and 90s chicks are shopping
Donald Sutherland in a trenchcoat and hat encounters the main blonde
man, the colors and lights
its so 90s
I love it
kristy swanson has a bf who can drive and they make out in public
also theres a rash of killings by neck wounds
and the bodies disappear
must be a mummy
better trash the Egyptian exhibit at the museum
later kristy is with her bf watching tv
then we get a flashback /dream of this chick getting iced by vamps shes fighting
this blonde vamp sez to his master they are coming back
then its day again and the teens talk about problems with the environment
they seem like bimbos
later the bimbos are talking about the dance and 2 are dressed 80s cuz its retro
also 2 teens are drunk
and flirt with em
the drunks recognize the bimbos from a theatre they were in where the chicks were loud
later the drunks are talking about the bimbos and b0ning
blonde vamp picks 1 off and the other is saved by Donald
I think the blonde is pee wee herman
later kristy is doing gymnastics in an 80s style aerobics outfit and Donald shows up
he sez hes here to show her, her birthright
in the graveyard
to stop vampires
shes skeptical
but he sez she had the mark
a mole she had removed
he also tells her of her dreams of past lives
as she never told anyone she believes him
they go to the cemetary at night despite him asking her to "go now" in the daytime
I think I like this buffy more than the tv one
this ones more fun
kinda 80s valley girl
I read in one buffy tv episode she loos at a thing of vampirella in disgust
vampirella was done by people who wanted a strong cool female character
sounds like normal feminism; hating something you don't understand cuz you think its offensive
eventually a vampire rises from the grave and Donald fights him
he pushes it back and onto kristy's stake
she then shANKS another one
later the bit drunk teen goes to see his homie
he's flying by his window and wants to be invited in
later Donald gives kristy a ride home and sez not to let the vamps know who she is
or they;ll be hunting her
this is starting to seem like nami sos
kristy gets home and her rents go out
then she has a trippy dream of a vamire in her bed in a tim burtony place
oh and blonde vamp caught one of kristy's friends and this dracula looking vamp comes down from the ceiling
later Donald sees kristy in the girls change room as she didn't skip practice to see him
he sez shes missed years of training and it seems like hes gonna give up on her
ten throws a knife and she catches it
as only the chosen one could catch it
then whats with needing years of training if she;s already good?
then we get a training montage
how'd Donald get so good and knowledgeable?
who trained him?
later administrator steven root talks to kristy about her issues
he thinks its drugs
later 1 teen drunk I think, leaves his mechanic work and sez for da head guy to skip town
later kristy is out at night and takes out a vamp
but Donald sez she shouldn't do it as it might be too many
also she gets womb issues when vamps are near
Donald sez his job is to prepare the slayer and not interfere
also he's always born with the knowledge of what to do
later the teen I think was drunk is driving and the blonde vamp clings to his windshield
yeah pretty sure that's peewee
he drives through a tree area and peewee punches through the car roof
then gets hit by s branch and his arm comes off
probably teen drunk stops, gets out, and gets beat up by the other vamps
then kristy saves him
he recognizes Donald and blacks out
yeah its the drunk
they take him to kristys place and talk
wtf shes only been training for 3 weeks
later peewee gets b--ched at by the big bad boss vampire for leaving the other vamps after losing an arm
later the school is gonna have a service for the bimbo who got ate
oh and a guy pats kristys buns and she attacks him
when b4 she was ok with similar stuff
oh and; guy grabs girls a55?
written by joss whedon??
is this based on his experiences?
later its a b ball game at high school and 1 player is too good
hes a vamp and buffy I mean kristy fights him
he runs but she steals a motorcycle and chases
she gets caught in a junkyard by other vamps and tries reasoning with the player
as she knows him
but the other drunk teen comes by and gets him in da back with a stake
then kristy wastes the other 2 vamps
then the big boss vamp comes in and hypnotizes kristy
Donald comes in and sez shes not ready
hes gonna eat kristy but Donald interferes and gets shanked by big boss
then big boss and peewee leave as "she's not ready" even though he was about to eat her anyway a few seconds ago
btw this ripped off lord of the rings with Gandalf biting it to save his homies
later kristy tries telling her bimbo buds about the vamps
but they're too bimbo to get it
this is like in the matrix how after neo is freed from it, his whole world is hanged and he cant go back
her bimbo buds get p-ssed at her and ditch her
also they thought she was b0ning the drunk teen
later its night(man this goes from day to night so often) and drunk teen tries to lift her spirits
but she want to quit
and wans to go to da school dance
but the other drunk teen I think is in a photobooth and hears em
and big boss learns and wants to crash the high school dance
later its the dance and kristy's bf reveals he dumped her with a phone message
but drunk teen is there to get he on the rebound
then 80s vampies attack
but they cant come in unless theyre invited
and drunkteen brought bags of stakes
and gives her his leather jacket
and her dress ripps off to a minidress
she goes out and fights em
then runs
peewee sneak attacks her and kicks her while shes down
wait I think this is her home
and vamps have somehow gotten in the dance thing
I think its cuz they are students
vamp drunk teen hassles drunk teen over being with the trendy teens
kristy overcomes and shanks peewee
he takes a while to bite it
then the big bad boss comes in and flirts with her
drunk teen throws acid or holy water in drunk vamp teens face and fries him on a power thing
the power going out gets her out of his control and she rejects him
she pulls a cross but he grabs it and it catches fire
so she uses hairspray to flamethrower his face
she returns to the dance and big boss comes in with a cane sword
he throws kristy aside and she gets a flag pole
they fight
drunk teen intervenes
in the fight a chair breaks and she shanks him with a piece
then kicks it in deeper for double damage
then the sun is up
like seconds later
if they waited a few more seconds he'd bite it anyway
she dances with drunk teen and rides off on his motorcycle as credits roll
oh and the news reports on the vampire attack on da dance
rutger haur was the big bad boss
medic was b j witz
sounds like a p0rn0 name
oh and peewee is still alive and groaning in the basement
the end
that was pretty good
good 90s movie
made a year before power rangers started (in America)
I enjoyed it
simple but well done
for buffy the vampire slayer 2 I want her to be married to the teen she rode off with on the motorcycle at the end and is really pregnant. but the baby is the reincarnation of Donald Sutherland and she automatically knows this by sensing his ki in her. also its the distant future year of 2003 and the pee wee herman vampire has rebuilt his body with cyborg parts and has a processer that lets him walk in the daytime. also having the watcher growing in her body has given buffy ki blast powers and she can fight without making physical contact. its also a run and gun game on sega genesis and snes and you play as buffy blasting cyber vampires with ki attacks. and some vampires have combined other vampires and animals to be big epic mech like bosses. oh and the city is now a cyber city with high tech and robot midgets.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Avatar Review

note; this is like a 8 hour film so this review will be long and have cr-ppy spelling
this is my review on avatar (the 00s version)
its by the guy who did terminator (yays ) and titanic (p-ss!!!!)
also it is all cgi and rips off dances with wolves and pocahantus
but its in space so people think its new
btw he also did aliens but this movie is kind of the reverse where the space demons are the good guys
kinda like Charles dickens making a book where the rich are oppressed by the lusty evil poors
actually that's kind of true in many places
so it starts with a guy in the hospital having dreams of flying
then he gets outta cryo sleep in deep space for 6 years
his twin brother a scientist and bit it
and they are on an alien planet thats atmosphere is poison to humans
so they wear masks
main guy is crippled and cant afford to fix his spine
the army guy warns of how dangerous the planet is
also theres fake aliens made to synchro to the human drivers that match their dna for missions
so they needed he dead nerds twin as hes got da same dna
also the chick from alien is the head of some thing
so alien chick doesn't like main guy as she things hes a dumba55 warrior who shoots 1st
also this colonization of this planet is a ways in as they taught the aliens English but relations have broken down and there might be war
oh and the whole reason the humans are on tis h-llhole planet is to get a rare expensive mineral
holy cr-p thats a bad name
its like upsydasium from rocky and Bullwinkle
but meant to be srs
then main guy gets his brain synchroed into his fake alien
kinda like a gigai in bleach
he's around as tall as violence jack
I bet jack would bust his a55
main guy goes out in his fake body in a robe and can walk again
but the nerds don't want him to
he meets alien chick in her fake bod and she gives him a space fruit
those fake bodies can eat?!
are they like organic?
technorganic like in beast machines?
I mean they have computers linked to em
hows they work?
later he goes in his real body to the army area and checks out the weapons
army guy warns him the low gravity on this planet will weaken him
he got wounded on duty earlier
hes bad a55
I like him
he don't like the avatar program as he sees it as a candya55 waste
also he has main guy report to him
oh and he gets a big bada55 mech
and army guy offers to help main guy get his spine fixed so he can walk again
that's nice
later they go on recon in their fake bodies and see what looks like creatures from panzer dragoon flying
alien chick and main guy are in fake bods and theres a soldier in a mask
alien chick describes the aliens there
while alien chick works on tree scanning, main guy finds demon plants that shrink when touched
then this big bad rhino space demon comes out
and its armor is too thick to hard with a machinegun
alien chick sez stand ur ground and they face off
but it runs
cuz theres a bigger badder panther lizard demon there
and its after the fake aliens
main guy runs as it tears up the background
he hides in tree roots and opens fire
but it grabs his gun and nearly gets him
he jumps off a cliff and into a river to escape
good thing it wasn't a canyon
he gets away and sharpens a spear outta a tree limb
but some nearly nude alien watches and nearly snipers his a55
but stops when a dandelion fluff jellyfish goes by
some of these weird a55 monsters look or sound like Yugioh cards
can you ritual sacrifice em?
later the recon team returns to base as they aint allowed night missions
main guy starts a fire and makes a toarch
but Castlevania monsters attack him
I think they're little versions of the thing that chased him
he pulls a knife and wacks em
then nearly nude alien chases em off and wastes a few
she puts out his fire and takes out a wounded monster
oh and the area is lit up by neon plants
its like a 3d sonic level
he thanks her but she hits him
what a b--ch
she blames him for the things biting it (victim blaming )
she's p-ssed at him for not knowing things she does
yet if i'm offended by some gaijin in my area who cant function here then i'm called the bad guy
he wants her to teach him her ways but she don't wanna
then the jellyfish fluff comes at him
they're seeds of some magic tree (Yggdrasil?)
I think ferngully did this 1st and almoist 20 years ago
the a buncha space demon warriors come in and nearly wack him
lol they call main guy the demon
oh and their horses and pretty much everything else here has 6 legs
was this made before or after the human centipede?
they take him to their gangs place and meet the leader (also her dad)
also everyones nearly naked
then her mom comes over
she pricks him with a blade and licks it
that's how you get aids
he sez hes here 2 learn and is a warrior
they decide to let the nearly nude alien (the one who nearly iced him) teach him
btw imma call her gf now as they're obviously gonna fall in love
every movie gets a cr-ppy love angle tacked on
if there was a movie about a turf war between dogs and drug dealers, one drug dealer would be in love with a dog
to be fair, it happened in romeo and juliete
and king kong
and Robotech
the next day they wake up main guy and he reveals he's in with the space demon gang
1 nerd sez they tried giving the space demons medication, education, roads ect
but they just liked living in the jungle
and they gotta get the gang outta he area as its got a massive unobtanium deposit under it
he has 3 months to get em out or they're getting it by force
oh and they worship some nature goddess or some hippie cr-p
later main guy jacks his head tentacle hair into a 6 legs horse tentacle and they synchro
oh and main guy is in a lion cloth
when main guy was missing why didn't hey have a locator in his fake bod?
they pump billions into a fake space demon and don't have a way to find it if its lost?!
oh and main guy fills in the forces about the structure of the tree
oh and theres floating mountains on this h-llhole planet
spoiler; escaflowne did it 1st (and better )
alien chick and her crew set up a base in closer to the space demon gangs terf
and she knows main guy reports to army guy
but is willing to do anything to learn about the space demons
later gf shows main guy a flying reptile that only lets 1 man ride it ever
like a dna coded hoverboard
later we get kind of a montage of him assimilating into their life views
isn't that cultural appropriation?
I appropriate Japanese culture by peppering ORE SAMMA NO dialogue with NIHONGO! but those OKAMA GAIJIN don't understand.
the capital letters are to be read in a really manly Japanese voice like daisuke gouri
later he hunts a space monster and comforts it b4 he slays it by saying gaijin words
yeah that makes the wild animal feel better about being gutted
btw you never see a tiger or a spider that's eating something taking a break to thank it for getting caught and devoured
later he fight a flying reptile contra monster and nearly falls off the flying mountain
he gets back in and jacks in to its head tentacle
return to your power confined!
he tries flying with it but nearly bites it
youre f'd blue boy!
but he instantly gets the hang of it
also theres some magic place with weird ki that f'd their scanners
can they see through his eyes!?
is his eyes recording?!
then while they're flying this big red Digimon nearly gets em
also gf's grandpa's grandpa rode the Digimon and saved their h-llhole world
later army guy sez the mission is almost over
the info he gave army guy is gonna help him win
and army guy got him approved to restore his legs
things look good
but main guy wants to go back for his space bar mitzvah
then hes a full member and has become a man
then they'll listen to him and he can help em
he has it
are they cutting the hair on his head tentacle too?
gf takes him to some glowy place and he links his head tentacle to the glow
he also gets to choose his woman
of course he chooses his space demon gf
wait, this is a lot like Hanappe bazooka with mephisto dance
then they have cyber space demon b0ning
the next day machines come in and mAIN guy isn't in his pod
when they cyber b0ned, his his real body j-zz?
he gets in the pod in time b4 being run over
a tree almost lands on his legs
ironic if it did
he tries to stop em but they think hes one of the native demons
if he was wearing his uniform they'd've know its him
so e smashes the camera
army guy sees main guy turned on em from footage of the camera b4 it busted
the space demons wanna go to war but main guy and alien chick say not to
main guy beats up his space demon rival and starts talking slow
but he takes too long and army guy unlinks em
also he punches main guy
alien chick sez the plants are connected in an internet web of electron channels
and the space demons find it sacred
they really make white guys look bad and women and hippies look good
main guy has a diary entry saying humans have nothing the space demons want and they wont move
army guy is gonna bust their tree but nerd is won over by saying he can save lives
he gets back in his fake body and tells em to book it
and that he was sent to learn their ways to clear em out
and he knew they would bust their plant home
his gf goes all b--chy and all the demon space gang hates him
then the battle starts
bows and arrows vs metal
army guy tried to get em out with gad
but had to go to missiles when they wouldn't leave
the one woman pilot who was with em breaks off when she cant handle missiling a tree
but even without her, the tree goes down
see you in h-ll a55plant!
and it crushes a buncha space demons
man they got big a55 anime eyes
army guy has done this mission and casually returns to base
and sez: 1st rounds on me
what a guy
but I don't drink
i'll have rootbeer
oh and the space demon gang leader bit it
and gf gets b--chy again
are all of them the kids of those 2 space demons?
they mustve b0ned a lot
then we get some slo mo cr-p trying to make us care for cgi monsters tree falling down
what about when I use my archfiend emperor's effect to destroy my opponents field magic card in Yugioh?
should that be slo mo and ultra dramatic?
later the woman pilot breaks out the alien chick, main guy and their crew from the brig
but, they betrayed the mission
they belong in the brig
what if lancer was helping the Invid fight the expeditionary force in Robotech?
same thing!
the black guy stays behind as hes not important I mea they need a man on the inside
but hes a known traitor
just tell em you don't like black guy
be honest
after admitting you have a problem, you can work on fixing it
so they take off in a stolen military jet but army guy goes out w/o a mask and opens fire on em while holding his breath
what a bada55
he should be the hero fighting the lusty space monsters
wait that's duke nukum
oh and alien chick got capped
Is she gonna jump into lava again?
worked in alien 3
so main guy returns to his fake bod
was it like, dead when he's out?
how does it stay alive w/o brain waves?
is it a vegetable?
a coma?
Stasis lock like in beast wars?
it never explains it
they eat so I assume they need air to live
I mean they breathe often enuff
oh and main guy jacks in to the Digimon by going at it from above
As it has no predators and never needs to look up
after taming smaugmon the big red Digimon, he earns the respect of the space demon gang
and won is gf back
is this like fonzie jumping the shark?
doing something so brave/stupid it wins everyones respect?
oh and now his rival who only had like 4 scenes with him b4 likes him instantly
they have some kind of demon ritual to download alien chick's soul into her fake body
they suck out her soul and put it in a demon body?!
that's kinda f'd up
and people called pokemon occult
oh and she bites it
see you in h-ll, gorillas in the mist b--ch!

man every movie has a sad moment
so main guy gives a biased message against his own people to rise up and unionize and fight the evil white people
all i'm thinking of is south park when cartman though he turned ginger and got all gingers to try tp wipe out non gingers
so he goes around gathering more space demon gangs and uniting them to fight the evil earth humans
so in 1 day he got thousands of space demons on the attack for the human base
so army guy decides to pull an Anatole leonard from Robotech and hit em so hard, they wont try anything again
blackguy tells the main guy's crew of the coming attack
why wasn't he arrested?!
wasn't he with them and put in the jail cell?
main guy links to the soul magic thing and tells it about how bad earth people are
and how he needs help from this demon goddess magic tree

so now he's a self hating straight white male?

sounds like he belongs on tumbler
then its the big a55 final battle
you know if this ended after the tree going down it would be dances with wolves
but this is like in scream 04 where the last ending is the new 2nd last ending and it goes on for one more chapter
with main guy's guidance they take out a lot of human soldiers by aiming at the cockpit
each one with families and homes
you were one of them a few weeks ago
in fact you ARE one of em!!
also pilot chick attacks army guy's craft
he takes her down
gf gets shot down and takes time outta war to comfort her ride
oh and main guy's rival gets shot up and falls off a jet
but after he killed a buncha humans and threw a few off too
yet is demise is shown as meaningful instead of his victims
and I think pilot chick bit it
and gf is alone with many human soldiers near
but she gets saved by the rhino demons who stampede the humans
they had years on this h-llhole planet and never got weapons to take out the rhino demons?!
oh and the demon goddess heard main guy and sent space monsters to fight the humans
even the panther lizard thing helps them
main guy jumps on the craft, shreds a few humans with gunfire, drops a change in and engine and jumps on his Digimon
he winds up grabbing a missile and throwing it in a propeller and taking out the craft
I don't think missiles bust when hit with propellers
don't they need to be armed and detonated?
army guy gets in a mech and survives
he fights gf on lizard panther demon and takes it out with a big a55 knife
she's pinned under its body and main guy in fake bod fights him with a big metal thing
in the fight the glass cover is damaged and he ejects it and wears a mask
he tells main guy he betrayed his race (the human race) and hes not one of em
main guy snarls at him like a demon
he's turned
then attacks the trailer his real self is
he damages it and grabs main guy by the head tentacle
but takes too long to finish him and gf gets out and arrows him dead
you could've stepped on him
man guy's real bod nearly bites it from the air on this h-llhole planet
but gf somehow knew about da mask and saves him
and sees his real self for da 1st time
interspecies romance
spoiler Robotech did it 1st
so all humans are exiled from the planet and only the traitors get to stay
main guy makes 1 last log and has his soul sucked out and put in his fake space demon body
the end
ooh, wes studi was in this
he was sagat in the street fighter movie
then 7 minutes of credits cuz this film was just cg with a few real people in some scenes
that was pretty good
the story is a rip off
the characters betray their people to help space demons
the earth is pretty much doomed without the badly named mineral
but the space monsters are safe
and that's what really counts
I ate the choices the characters make
and how they are portrayed
but the movie was good
its kinda like birth of a nation
good movie but the message might not sit well with some
I liked it and thought it was well made though
just because it tells a bad story doesn't mean its a bad movie
for avatar 2 I want the humans to return after 13 years and have brought heir A game. The army guy's Dad who's a general leads the attack to take down the men who took out his son and ruined his mission. they bring holy weapons that have been blessed and have the power to repel and disintegrate the alien life on that planet. also they have give up on peace with the blue aliens and decides they are going all out to save earth. they use acid fire to destroy the plant life on the planet and burn away the animals. the main guy from the 1st movie fuses with the tree goddess who is revealed to be a soul devouring demon and becomes a huge mountain sized tree abomination and takes on the hole military at once. its also a 16 bit sega genesis, snes and Atari jaguar mech run and gun game where you play as soldiers in super mech suits (highly advanced versions of the ones from the last movie) and go around taking out alien plants and animals an deformed fusions of humans who stayed behind and were experimented on to turn em into the blue monsters. and he game boss is the mountain sized tree monster and you are flying a buncha space base sized transforming robots that attack its core points to release its souls to weaken it. Oh and you can play as the genera l but he's got cyborg parts and is the best character in the game

Monday, April 16, 2018

Hobgoblins Review

note; whats worse? my spelling or this movie?
this is my rebiew on hobgoblins
its a knock off of gremlins
I never saw this b4 but I hear it s-cked
it starts with a guy at some night job rocking out on his Walkman and his boss b--ches at him
also the teen working there missed a phone call and his boss chews his a55
then they do their rounds as they are night watchmen
yet they leave the phone unattended
after the geezer made a stink about missing 1 call
they get to some place and geezer tells teen theres nothing there
then he gets called back
so teen goes in it
good 80s music
and lighting
kinda standard
but classic
geezer gets bashed by his boss for missing the phone call and taking too long to get back from across the place
if you wanted him so bad, why'd u wait til he was across the place to walkie talkie him??
teen goes into a vault and hears cr-p
then geezer hears static on his walky talky and runs over
he runs like hes gotta take a dump
teen is on a rock show thing and starts rockin out like hes twisted sister
but falls off
geezer arrives to find his body
then seals the vault
with the body in it
its ok
its not like he mattered
then we get the opening credits with black screen and glow green font
goo 80s horror music
reminds me of grade school
I know none of these actors btw
except daran Norris from mon colle knights, team America and fist of the north star
written directed and produced by rick Sloane
what is he? tommy Wiseau?
so geezer sez the teen quit
boss wants a new guard but geezer sez they don't need it
boss sez if theres a problem with no guard on duty, they lose insurance
but the place is deserted for almost 30 years
so since da 50s?
boss sez if geezer don't get 1 new guard, boss will hire 2
then geezer has a new teen to train
geezer worked there 30 years and never missed a day
thats OCD
he tells teen 2 not to go to the place the last guy bit it and that its got dangerous machines
teen 2 accepts this
he also shows teen 2 a firearm
as unarmed guards are useless
but e's never had to use it yet
doesn't mean you shouldn't have it
bring life jackets? why? I never needed to use em b4
later teen 2 goes to his gf's place with a rented vhs tape and her cool friends are there
they wanted him to bring a p0rn-oh
bt teen 2 and his gf are clean and wholesome teens who don't smoke or drink or b0ne
kinda like me and my gf
or the survivors in chopping mall
or bowie grant and musica in Robotech
n the 5kanks bf returns from army training
he tells her about it and shes lusting after it
the other homie wants to call his gf who he sez is shy
shy girls often have big t-ts
look at Hinata from Naruto
or chiharu from Eiken
also bf wants to cap someone
pretty sure the army shrinks would've weeded him out by now
gf he calls is a phone secks thing
she talks about seeing a movie and b0ning in the theatre
but its really bad
and teen 2 sez he keeps being billed for secks line calls
after that, teen 2's gf sez teen 2 otta learn from army bf
they then go out and have a cr-ppy fight with garden items
its almost as bad as star trek
ts the same move over and over
use down and B!!
army bf eventually takes down teen 2
gf b--ches at teen 2 as 5kank and army bf b0ne in the army bf's van
later teen 2 talks to geezer about his gf being too hard to please
geezer is about to tell his army story but theres a punk dressed like fonzie breaking into the lot
guess those civil war flashbacks will have to wait
geezer drives off in a mini cart thing and leaves teen 2 behind
wont fonzie hear the cart?
the punk takes geezer hostage at knifepoint
so teen 2 comes over with a gun
5kank knows teen 2 dot know how to use a gun
so teen 2 shoots straight up and punk runs
teen 2 wishes his gf was there to see it
geezer calls da cops and teen 2 goes after punk
he winds up at the forbidden area and puts his radio down to go in
also, how'd you lose him?!
he was right there!!
teen 2 goes in the vault as that's totally where a break and enter guy would flee to
a place with no way out
thats locked from the outside
geezer runs over like he's gotta dump a55 and saves him
but something offscreen gets out
they go out and are chased by cr-ppy-ish puppets on the mini cart
they look like gremlins but with more fuzz
they outrun the cart(which makes me wonder why have a cart if you can go faster than it) and the puppets just are gone
geezer sed he's been trying for years to keep em from getting out
then flashback to him in da 50s when a space thing came and in it was the hobgoblin(not the Spider-Man boss)
he let em live on the studio lot he guards (as he totally has the ownership rights to make that choice)
hey iced people by reading their minds and letting them live their desires
isn't this Hollywood?
bet a lot of em were purvoes and had deviant phantasies
getting turned into really big d0ngs
teen  sez geezer otta warn the people in the city of the hobogoblins
but geezer sez no one believed him 30 years ago
probably cuz its demented!
geezer; hay homie! theres mutant space daemons that make ur wishes come true and kill u with em
guy; this aint wishmaster!!
geezer sez he cant catch em despite outrunning a cart and keeping up with teen 2
but they're attracted to bright lights
if someones acting weird, its cuz of a hobogoblin
and if teen 2 kills it, it saves the guy
why didn't geezer kill em when he had the chance?
he had 30 years!
oh and e has until dawn to stop em for some reason
meanwhile, the homies are having an 80s dance party and theres a strobe light
the music sounds like a 16 bit game
and they cant dance for cr-p
and the hobogronilns are outside
army bf comes by and 5kank goes out to him
but its not army bf
its the hobogobln with an identical horn as his van
se's waiting for her army bf and teen 2's gf tries to comfort her
but shes kinda b--chy and teen 2's gf goes in
eventually a hoboglobin gets her
after cr-ppily fighting it off, she slays it with a garden tool
she comes in and more hemoglobin's come in
then army bf comes by they try to escape
they try locking the hoboglobins in the house but they cant close da door
so army bf gets a grenade from his car
they let new recruits take home grenades??
what kinda cr-ppy a55 army is this?!
teen 2 comes in and turns off da lights and da hobobgolons go in the van
he locks em in and they go inside the home
homie calls his phone secks gf as that's what you do when monsters attack
aimt they gonna ice the things in the van?
are they just gonna wait until da last minute b4 dAwn?
aaaaaaaand the hobogoblins get out
they opened the door
hone secks gf talks about a zookeeper and her doing stuff and its so bad its good
also she voices the zookeeper
a hoboglobin effects him and he hears the phone gf at shes outside
as he walks to her I think someone bumped the camera as it moves
and outside is phone gf in a bad 80s outfit
they drive to reputation road to b0ne
teen 2 hears this and asks 5kank where it is
she tells him and he go after 1 guy and leaves the 3 at other home
at reputation road he parks in the kissing only zone but moves to the b0ning zone
how organized teen secks is in the 80s
now we got internet deviants
she gets out and tries pushing his car off da cliff
teen 2 arrives and takes out the hob gob lin and she vanishes
he takes homie outta da car and bashes him for nearly getting iced
then the car rolls off the cliff
btw phone gf had trouble pushing the car in some scenes and in others moved it easy
they get back and notice the van is open
then 1 hobogoblin pulls teen 2 in and they fight
homie tries to wrench it in the head but s-cked at it
so teen 2 grabs da wrench and wacks it
they go inside and find teen 2 gf went to a purvo club
5kank sez its got drugs, guns, fights and cops arresting people
so its a ghetto school?
they go to da club and tell the bouncer theyre looking for 1 girl
so he brings over a h00ker with bad hair
bouncer lets em in after recognizing the 5kank
army bf and 5kank bicker about her being suck a 5kank
but that's why u like her!!
then an 80s band plays
wasn't this a movie about fighting evil muppets or something?
h00ker sez theres a 2 drink minimum and homie sez theyre all under 21
so bouncer gives em fake ID's
then teen 2's gf comes on as a dancer or str-pper or something
and all i'm thinking of is how in Yugioh, tea/anzu wanted to go to new York to be a dancer
plus her actress's name and the teen 2's gf's name is both amy
btw I think the announcer might be daran Norris
but I don't know what he looks like
and teen 2 is shocked at what a 5kank his gf turned into
she goes out back with bouncer and teen 2 tries to stop em
he gets homie and they go after em
but while army gf and 5kank stay behind, army bf's commander comes by
he gives army bf weapons as homie and teen 2 chase the critters around the club
one hoobolonon makes announcer and h00ker make out but homie wacks it so they stop b4 they b0ne
also army bf is grenading everything
but the grenades make fire blasts and not sprays of shrapnel for some reason
and all the extras run out
1 hoboblo9n shows up and teen 2 strangles it
then gf turns un5kank
except in clothes
she busts bouncer in the head with a beer bottle when he tries b0ning her
commander invites 5kank to entertain the troops
and by that he means b0ning them
she don't consent for some reason so commander throws a grenade and army bf jumps on it
and goes into a full body burn
as grenades are full of lighter fluid
she then puts a grenade down commanders shirt and he's blown back by a fire poof
and somehow it took out the last 2 hobgoblins
outside some Mexican compliments teen 2's gf on her str-pping
and she is glad to be known for something besides the 5kanks friend
they get in army bf's van and theres more hoboglobins in it
back in the studio, geezer warns boss about the monsters
he don't buy it and gets p-ssed the teen 2 left and no ones manning the gate
geezer wants to go help the kid despite him saying he cant b4
boss sez if he goes hes fired
so he sez good
why didn't he ever show him the monsters in the vault?
he had 30 years!
then teen 2 drives back and da punk from b4 comes back with nunchaku
he gives teen 2 a numchaku and they fight
teen 2 kicks his a55 so punk pulls a gun
but geezer shoots the hobobolon and punk vanishes
the remaining hobolonon return to the vault for some reason and teen 2 and gf smooch
geezer and teen 2 go in and he sez hes fired and cant guard em now
heres a idea; show ur boss them right now!!
so teen 2 volunteers to guard em
heres an idea; take em out!!
but geezer has a better way
they go out and he blows the building
wheres he get the boom stuff?
homie gives 5kank sticker flowers for her shirt and army bf returns in bandages and crutches after jumping on a grenade and burning
they b0ne in the van again
geezer calls boss and sez da film vault blew
and as he was fired, there was no one on duty
then homie asks to use the phone
the end
and we get 80s rock to credits and clips from the film
honestly, I liked this
good tongue in cheek 80s cr-p
no one really bites it and its silly and fun
its not trying to be akira kurosawa or hayao miyazaki
its just trying to have fun
and that it wins at
its silly, upbeat, cheesy and so bad its good
btw, the phone secks lady is named fantasia
like the Disney movie or the never ending story
for hobgoblins 2 I want it to be the early/mid 90s and the guy who called the phone gf is trying to win her over but she doesn't know him from Adam. also the 5kank and her army bf have like a buncha kids and she's super pregnant. he's told his superiors of the hobgoblin threat and they planned an attack on their home planet. geezer and the teen 2 from he 1st movie are selected to go there and his gf is also really pregnant from years of b0ning. they eventually get there and fight the hob goblins with 80s sci fi weapons and mind guard helmets that shield their thoughts from being read. also they face the hobgoblin queen who is covered with pregnancies that make more hobgoblins. its also a 16 bit run and gun game like contra or gunstar heroes on sega genesis and super Nintendo and has 4 players, geezer teen 2, amy bf, and the phone gf who volunteered to get away from the guy who keeps calling her.

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Fargo Review

note; I never really saw this b4 but I heard of it. also; expect typoes
this is my review on faego from the mid 90s
and no I never saw the tv series
ooh its by mgm
he text sez its a true story from 1987
and they changed names
then credits
William h macy and steve buschemi r in diss
its set in fargo north Dakota
was that union or confederate?
macy goes to steve in a bar and finds hes an hour late
hes giving a car and 40 000 $
and he wants them to kidnap his wife
and h4e gives em half the randsom from her rich dad
later in minesoda macy returns home and dad in law is watching the game
after dinner macy's son leaves dinner early to go to mcdonalds with his homies
macy talks about a business thing with dad in law
later its day and macy deals with a couple he sold a car with something they didn't want
later its night and steve buschemi and his blonde homie are b0ning chicks in a hotel
the next day mom b--ches at her son about getting a C and she wont let him play hockey
if he's getting C's the brain damage from hockey will end his grades
later macy talks to his worker who set him up with steve and blonde and sez he might not need em
but worker don't have their number
also on of the guys he contacted he don't know and knows the other guy he knows
on the car ride steve buchemi is too chatty and the blonde b0nes his mouth
he really just sits there as steve goes on
later macy is on the phone with a guy who needs serial numbers of cars he got paid for
phoner cant read the fax and macy keeps trying not to give him em
later steve and blonde break into the wifes place but she bites 1 of em when grabbed
she hides in the bathroom and opens da window
they break in but shes not there
turns out she's in the shower and freaks out
she gets caught in the shower curtain and runs around, only to fall down da stairs
what a dumba55
later macy talks with his bosses about a deal but they want him to have a finders fee
he wants to be the one who does the thing (I don't get business) and they say it would be like a massive loan
he needs the cash but they turn him down
later he comes home with groceries and finds the place f'd
he calls dad in law
he practices 1st
later its night and buscemi and blonde and driving with the wife in the back seet
the cops pull em over and steve realizes he forgot to put tags on the car
he tries to bribe da cop but the cop is honest
cop notices wife in the back and leans in
so blonde grabs him and blows a hole in his head
blood water fountains out
bad a55
big buff blonde makes skinny a55 steve buescemi move the body for some reason
then a car comes by and he drives after it
they saw buscemieci with da busted cop
the witnesses car accident off the road and blonde caps em
the next day this pregnant cop is called in and goes to investigate the witness car scene
she deduces what happened easily
iced cop wrote notes about the car type and plates
DLR means Dealer
later in a diner, macy dad in law and a 3rd guy talk about what to do about wife
dad wants to go to cops or negotiate
macy and 3rd guy sez the kidnappers have all the cards and should pay
later dad talks to his son about it
later the kidnappers get to their bae and wife is masked and arms bound
she runs around and stumbles
r pregnant cop comes to the station and gives a guy nightcrawlers
not the x man
the big worms
after the cops get a lead on a car like the one reported was seen at a motel
so they go talk to the 5kanks they b0ned
when asked oif they looked weird one sez steve bescemi isn't circimsized
how is that weird?!
that's like saying; he has all his toes is werid
later pregnant cop gets a phone call form a guy with a Japanese sounding name
hes an old friend from a while ago
later macy is selling a guy a car and gets a car from setev bsicueni
he wants more cash for having to ice 3 people
then the guy needing the cars serial numbers calls in and sez if he don't get em soon hes going to the cops
hope macy's like tracey and don't go gacy like spacy
later dad in law wants to be the one to deliver the money
later preg cop goes to the twin cities and calls someone
twin cities?
like in jingle all the way?
steve buscimi goes to a parking lot and gets tags from a car covered in snow
when he leaves without parking hes gotta pay 4$
preg cop comes by macy's work and talks to the worker and macy
asks macy if he had a vehicle stolen
but macy sez no
pregcop meets her Japanese friend and a restaurant
they catch up on past events
later steve buscoieni is with a blonde chick (oh she's a h00ker) at a club
later he's b0ning her and worker comes in and beats him and a black guy who investigated the noise up
then whips steve buscheimi with a belt
stevei bicniea calls macy and tells him he wants da cash or he's gonna ice them all
dad in law is on the phone silent and goes after him
dad in law gets there and after some b--ching, steve busicni caps him in the torso
so dad in law caps him in the jaw(but it don't do much damage)
so steve buecki empties his gun into dad in law
why didn't dad in law take a few more shots on steve when he had the chance?
stene busciei also ices a gate worker in a parking garage
macy sees the after effects of both after driving around
later a guy tells a cop about how steve buscini asked him for h--kers and said the last guy wo wronged him bit it
also he admitted to being near a lake
later stens bcuinine burys the box of money under da sbnow by the side of the road
and plants an ice scraper to mark it
yeah that'll make it easy to find
esp if it snows again
man we're like 1 hour 30 mins in with adds
hat felt like nothing
later preg cop finds the Japanese homie was lying about his pasty and has mental issues
later pregcop sees macy again hassles him about how they really know if they aint missing cars
he gets p-ssed  d leaves to do a lot count
but really drives away
so steve buscinoi returns to the cabin and wife was knocked out by blonde for shrieking
shriek if you know what I did last Friday the 13th
beucninei gives 40 000 $ for blonde and 40 000 $ for himself
he wants the car but blonde wants steve to pay him for it as he wants to split it
beucnincie goes on a profanity filed tirade and goes out
so blonde comes out and chops him with a garden hoe I think
oh and dad in law paid em 1 million $
or O M Dollars if this were that rankin bass new year Rudolf thing
later pregcop goes by the cabin and blonde is feeding buscinei into a wood chipper
sounds like a cannibal corpse song
he runs and she caps him in the thigh
should've got him in the parts
on the ride back pregcop bashes him for icing those people for money
later in bismark the macy is caught by the cops
later preg cop and her husband are in bed and he reveals his design was chosen for the 3 cent stamp
and they have 2-3 months b4 she poops out her baby
the end
oh and this was by the coen brothers
that was actually pretty good
good pacing
good setting
good flow
its a subtle movie
not much high octane action
and it works
I liked it
for fargo 2 I want it to be set in the 2010s and the kid of the pregnant cop is now a detective and pregnant cop is the commissioner. the blonde guy has gotten outta prison and several people are found cooked with a new prototype microwave gun. he goes around checking clues and trying to find a connection to the people cooked til they bust open. also its a 16 bit sega genesis, super Nintendo and Gameboy advance game like Carmen sandiego where you go to various places and find who's behind it. and the game has alternate endings depending on who you talk to and what you say.