Monday, April 30, 2018

War Of The Worlds Review

note; movies starting. canrt spell. get aids
war of the worlds
this is my review on war of the warolds 2005 spielburg version
it starts with narrartion of cr-p aboiut earth being watched
I don't care
get to the people popping
some space people are jealous of earth or w/e
then we get some wiener working in a shipping thing at a boat place
he goes home but his boss wants him back in 4 hours as he needs him
but tom crooz (the wiener ) uses union cr-p to get away with being a d-ck
this is why unions need to go
like nuking japan, unions had a time and place
but now its over and continuing does more harm than good
tom hanks I mean croz is getting his kids from his ex wife who found a better man
also shes pregnant
ex wife comes into toms place and bashes his cr-ppy home
also his Dakota fanning daughter and Justin chatwin son share a room
aka; the daughter from I am sam and dragon ball evolution Goku
whats with speilburg and little blonde girls?
drew Barrymore in ET
the dead chick jn poultergeist
mindy and buttons in animaniacs
oh and theres EMP bursts all over the world in storms
so tom plays base ball with Goku and the ball busts a window
dakotA points out they have no food so she orders cr-p
dakuoa has a splinter and don't want him removing it
she sez her body will push it out on its own
man tom crooz is a cr--py parent in this film
whats with speilberg and bAD dads?
this and ET and close encounters
I think he never forgave his dad to circomsizing him
oh and Goku son went out
tom goes out and the sky is f;d
its like power rangers time force where the time holes f'd the present
its galactus from the 2000s fantastic 4 silver surfer movie
Dakota is scared by the lightning and wind but tom likes it
don't ruin storm love tom scrooz
tom screws??!
is he a mega man robot?!
oh and the powers out
and all electronics
he goes out and all cars stopped
the guys go to where lightening hit in an intersection
the ground is frozen
earth shakes and cracks and building bust
out of the ground arises a big tentacle legs space pod thing
totally not like a Zentraedi battle pod from Robotech
that would be copyright infringing
btw in the book the aliens came from space
not buried in the ground
and I think they were from mars
the battlepod then fires a death ray that dusts anyone it hits
kinda like sailor moon
they poof into powder
catsy; sailor moon! take a powder!! (shoots ice fire)
oh and tom crooz gets away and goes home covered in human dust
hes kinda shook up
so he gets everyone out and gets a gun
he takes a car and his homie tries to stop him
tom books it as the battlepod dusts his homie
Dakota is freakling out aS THEY drive
so Goku comforts her
tom tells Goku about the battle pod
later tom stops by his ex wifes place but shes gone
and the food from toms place is just condiments
so tom makes peanut butter sandwitches
but dakota is allergic to peanut butter
so tim croz throws em at the window and the p butter sticks
so they sleep in the basement
btw in the book the main guy didn't have wiener kids following him everywhere
later the aliens attack and they hide in the sub basement
next day tome comes out and a plane landed on their house
it wasn't aliens
he meets a guy in da plane looting it
oh and hes got a woman
they survived by being in the pine barons
is this in jersey?!
btw the pine barons have supernatural sh-t going down
the chick shows tom a tape of lighnening
the aliens came into the capsules on lightning and into the long buried battle pods
so its like the Invid?
tom brings Dakota out but has her not look at anything
typical post 80s rent
sheltering their kids from anything scary
this is why they toned down Lord Zedd in power rangers
later while driving Dakota has to whiz
they stop but tom is worried about strangers or car jackers
in an empty town
and wants Dakota to pee where he can see her
that's totally not gonna be taken the wrong way
she goes by a river and sees bodies floating in it
the aliens dust people
who iced those dregs?!
tom followes her to watch her pee and covers her eyes
btw how is the car running?
the EMP blast wiped everything
oh and Goku son wants to join da army to fight the space invaders
and soldiers go by as he tries in vain to join em
but Dakota sez; who will take care of me if u go?!
proving tom isn't good
man we're an hour in
not much happened
at night they drive into a group of people
its a swarm
they all want his car
the mob gets unruly and attacks em
braking windows and dragging em out
if u plowed through em then you'd be safe
tom fights but gets beat up so Goku steps in
tom fires in the air to get some space
another guy pulls a gun on tom and takes the car
so they make their way on foot and meet some chick tommy knows
and people are going on a ferry
but its leaving
and the battlepods are attacking
and theyre all gathered together
the feery is going and tom and fam just get on
but the water has a battle pod rise up from it
the fery tips and the cars and people go in a water
btw none of this happened in da book
they get to land and battlepods start reaching down with tentacles and grabbing people
they gon get b0ned by space demons
later its day again and the army attacks the battlepods
but Goku son wants to join in
tom pins him and tells him he loves him and to stay
but then lets him go off to fight and die against the space monsters
oh and he saves Dakota from strangers who wanted to help and thought she was alone
oh and the army has no effect on em
tom hides in a guys celler and the cellerman is still there
celler man is armed and sharpening things
tom sez all the dakotAS loved ones (including her bro) are alive and well and safe
tom don't know any of her bedtime songs so he sings a jingle to a car add or w/e
tom talks with cellerman and he's prepared for weeks
also he welcomes tom to stay
cellerman sez the space invaders are too strong to stop and have been planning this for a long time
and how the aware survive
cellerman sez the Japanese took a few out
and the invaders must have a weakness
he plans an uprising to take em down somehow
later cellerman sez he had a daughter Dakotas age
and thinks tom might surrender to the invaders and be their pet
me; or secks slave!!!
then a teanacle comes in the celler and they evade it
btw, why not pray?
these are space demons right?
survivors say holy words scare off aliens
cellerman nearly axes the tentacle but tom stops him
they hide behind a mirror
how would an alien know what a mirror is?
it might plasma blast through it!
Dakotas foot slips and tentacle looks back but they're gone by then
it leaves but then returns
wait its a space guy
looks kinda Invid
1 goes in but didn't see em
cellerman nearly snipers one but tom hanks or croioz or w/e stops him
space commies book it and cellerman tells him they aint on da same page
later its day again and the invaders are drinking people with tentacle straws
celer man freaks out and starts digging a hole saying; not my blood!
he wants to tunnel to the city and have a subway based resistance in the sewers
tom hanks or crooz or Wiseau or w/e blindfolds his daughter and tells her to sing and cover her ears
then he murders celerman
he took you into HIS home
saved you from the space monsters
and because u fear he might get you caught you kill him?!
good F man!
if you hate him so much the get the h-ll out!
this isn't ur home a55 hole!
cellerman was scared and you killed him
ur the bad guy tom
go to h-ll!
this might be a thing on malcontents who hate America but don't wanna leave it so they wanna take out anyone they hate
later dakota wakes up and theres a camera tentacle in there
tom axes it and she runs off
tom looks for her and a battlepod comes down
he hides in a truck and sees Dakota just standing there as a battle pod comes for her
it picks her up an tom goes after it
and gets grenades
he throws 1 but its force field blox it
so it grabs him and puts him in the cage with other people
and Dakotas there
this anus looking opening has a tentacle come out and pull a guy in it
then it gets tom
people pull him and get him out of the space anus
wouldn't it rip his arm/legs off?
tom left grenades in it and it blows the battlepod
btw in the book they never took it down
it showed the alien supremacy
here people beating it on their own defeats the purpose and message of the book
its like the 30s moby dick where Ahab gets the whale
the next day the aliens are acting weird and their shields are down
so the army bazookas em down
the pod opens and all this p-ss comes out
then the alien comes out and bites it
then tom crooz gets to boston and reunites Dakota with her mom
and somehow the Goku son is there and is ok and was safe the whole time
and now he loves tom crooz
that came outta nowhere
turns out; the aliens all died naturally
germs on earth iced em
narrator sez God gave us germs to protect us or something
btw this is a thing against going places ur not meant for?
like the 3rd world
every other week I hear of some canadians beat or b0ned or iced in some poor country they were vacationing n
plus there was the Spanish flu in 1918
my grandpa survived that
and did lilian gish
the end
that was
its different than the book a lot
and the better 60s version
and they tacked on extra characters
and changed pretty much everything
and set it in modern times
man this is like the dragon ball evolution of war of the worlds movies
at least that didn't make Goku a cr-ppy dad who murders people for no reason and steals their home
I mean this film was well made
but its kinda f'd
i'm around even on this film
its not lord of the rings I mean war of the worlds
but its not that awful
go back to pinky and the brain speilberg
that was always great
for war of the worlds 2 I want the people to reverse engineer the alien cr-p but one country goes to far and uses it to take over parts of the world. also its 20 years later and the bad country (probably England) is ruling over the wastelands of America and cyber punk cyber cities. tom crooz is in jail for icing that guy and his daughter has had enough of his cr-p and has become a warrior queen ruling a tribe of amazon bikini warriors who fight the lusty Englishmen who try to b0ne them. also the son is a scientist and in the resistance and making higher tech from the alien cr-p to make mech suits and power armor exoskeletons to allow super human abilities in combat. its also a gamecube dreamcast xbox and ps2 game like Robotech battlecry and you go around in battle armor fighting English warriors and going on missions to save America.

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