Sunday, April 29, 2018

Crocodile Dundee Review

note; I'm from the 80sw too. and I spell like a55
crocodile Dundee
this is my review on crpocodile dunde (1986 )
I never saw it b4 but remember when c d in l a came out in the early 00s
this reporter wants to do a story on a guy who got f'd up by a crock and survived
hes Michael j crockdile Dundee
totally not jim crocodile cook from Yugioh gx
then we get credits as a chopper goes through a mad max wasteland
its got paul Hogan and some polish chick
she lands and meets dundees business partner
wtf they drive backwards cars
its like japan or soviet England
they go to a town that's mostly empty
is this a western?
she is gonna pay 2500 $ to see where the croc got him and how he survived
then its night and the Australians are tough guys
partner sez the croc bit off half his leg
so he wacked it and crawled through snake swamps
but this ragged chick laughs at da story
then 1 guy brings in a croc and I think its dead
he looks like Indiana jones meets mad max
its crocodile Dundee
hes a hero to these people and dances with da chick
the croc only scarred his leg with a bite
not bit it off
1 guy hassles c d over being a poacher
so he lays the smack down on his candy a55
then he does the game where u punch the big guy in da gut and te tries not to spill his beer on his head
but CD smooches him like bugs bunny and the guy tries to beat his a55
later its daytime and theyre driving
he don't know when he was born as he was raised by a tribe
he used to have a woman with big b00bs but she ditched him when he was out
then they come across a water buffalo blocking the road
he does some kind of magic touch on its head to make it lay down
does he have Ki training?
once I was at my cousins place and there was a dog.
I didn't say anything, but when I had a bad thought of it, it went mental right after
I think it can sense ki
once I was walking outside and a dog on the other side of a fence barked at me
I cooled my ki and it stopped
later after a boat ride he goes off with the chick alone and is told to be back my Wednesday
and its Monday
he previously didn't know what year it is\
is he a highlander?
he shows the boat where the croc attacked
it was in the rainy season and croc was 18 feet
he tells how it got him in the roll and he was fishing as croc hunting is illegal for some reason
but in the boat are bullets
later its night and she reveals her past
she had a bf who protested everything
and left her to protest
when asked if the
natives should get their land back he sez they don't own it, it owns them
that sounds like a horror movie
slaves to the earth
later she wakes up to gunfire and cars with searchlights going around
theyre shooting kangaroos
and she wants him to stop em for some reason
I guy goes out to p-ss but gets shot at by a kangaroo
but its really CD faking it somehow
then its Tuesday AM
chick talks into a tape recorder about being alone but CD sez hes there
after her taking things the wrong way she goes off on her own
but he has her bring a gun to signal him by shooting in the air
he follows her and she takes off her skirt to show shes in a skimpy one piece like maron from dbz
shes about to go swimming but a croc attacks
but CD takes it out with a big a55 knife to the skull
he comforts her and she asks if its dead
with a huge blade in its head
later he sez how living in the city can be dangerous too
but then goes off when he hears something
this big black tribal guy comes up but is a friend of CD
hes a normal guy with fine English skills
the friend goes off with CD to a tribal gathering
no girls allowed
but she sneaks her way there
but CD sees her
so she leaves
when he gets back she thinks hes telepathic for knowing
but he just knows as a reporter she couldn't resist
later its Wednesday and he talks about being ok with biting it as he believes in God
they go to a place with mineral water so theres no crocs
he gets her weird Australian food and then they go swimming
in the 90s I too wore bathing suits instead of undies
later she suggests him coming to new York
then they kiss
then fly to new Sodom new York
after issues with an escalator, hes in a cab
new York has 7 million people
he thinks they must be friendly as 7 million people all wanna live together
hes friendly to people and thinks the black driver is from a good tribe
as no one in his rube has a car like that
nowadays people would go up the a55 over a comment like that
he gets a big a55 hotel and thinks its much
also he doesn't get tipping
spoiler; never tip
imagine this
thanks for fixing my tooth dentist! heres a tip!
thanks for teaching my kids grade school teacher! heres a tip!
thanks for not giving me a ticket officer. heres a tip!
why pay 2x for the same job?
so she shows him the toilet and he figures out what a bidet is for
I thought those were for after butt secks
he goes out in new York and the streets are full of pushy new Yorkers
and theres traffic up the a55
he climbs a street post and a horse cop gets him home to da hotel
later its night and the chicks boss has them out for dinner
boss seems like kind of an a55
also I think hes been b0ning the chick
and he has a stereotypical view of those kangaroo Mexicans
as Australia is a desert like mexico and has kangaroos
CD has enough and socks him while no ones looking, then blames the booze on his wooziness
later they take a car ride and she's p-ssed at him for punching her butt buddy
and boss is still woozy
I think he hit a pressure point and hes gonna bite it soon
they get off and CD and the cab driver go drinking
in the bad this black guy with a really f'd mouth talks in 80s black guy slang CD never heard
CD uses Australian slang and they bond
this alleged woman flirts with and tries to b0ne CD
but cab guy warns him its a guy
so he pulls a Goku and grabs the crotch
man parts
later da cab is stolen and 2 80s h00kers flirt with CD
1 h00ker recognizes him from the newspaper stories
he doesn't get they wanna b0ne him and their p-m hassles him over it
after he swears in the uncut version CD slugs his a55 out and ca guy with cab drives him home
this seems a lot like mr deeds goe ro town from the 30s by frank capra
but exotic
later hes in the hotel bath tub and cleaning his items
the main chick fakes being room service and reaches her leg in like shes gonna b0ne him
so he covers his parts (which are already covered by subs) with his hat
she gets him a hot dog with the works and its like him giving her austarla food b4
later a homie purse snatches a woman's things and CD nails him in the head with a soup can as he runs
see you in h-ll purse snatcher!
later hes at a party and meets some hag the chick knows
so he pulls a Goku and grabs her crotch to see if shes really a woman
never can tell in new York
or the 80s
1 guy is doing blow and CD thinks its a blocked nose
so he puts the blow in a pot and adds boiling water
chick tells him it was hundreds of $$ of cocainum
he don't know what it is
later its day again and his homies back home call him
he wants to stay a while
later its night and a homie in a Michael Jackson red leather jacket holds em at switchblade point
so he pulls out his huge a55 croc killer and they flee
she sez she feels like jane in tarzan
they kiss
maybe b0ne offscreen
later her dad who's a big wig in the paper wants to meet CD
later its night and he goes to her dads palace/mansion
2 big black dogs come at him but h uses his Ki trick to calm em
dad is happy CD saved his daughter
he gets along with the big wigs and chick takes him aside
she sez one of em is seeing a shrink and he think you should just talk to ur homies
this is like someone from the 1910s meeting someone from the 2010s
common sense vs pc cr-p
at dinner the boss proposes to the chick
we get a bummer moment where the driver gets CD some booze and drops him off in times square
he gives whats left of the booze to a hobo and meets the 80s h00kers
p-mp comes out and gets slugged
then 2 big guys fight CD
but the black guy driver saves him
and uses a car spoiler as a boomerang
and reveals he was in the harlem warlords
which CD thinks is a tribe
the next day CD sez hes gonna look around America
later the chick finds out and goes after him
CD goes to the subway the doorman told him about
she gets held up by a guy trying to b0ne her but she nails him in the parts
at the subway the place is packed with people
so she passes messages back and forth to him
shes not marrying the boss and loves CD
he climbs on top of the people and walks over em
reminds me of earthworm jim with the wizard of oz ep with the flat critter road
they hug
the end
art department; mike leather?!
sounds like a p0rn0 name
so that was pretty good
light and easy going
CD is a good guy and has a good attitude
hes positive and friendly
and bad a55
kinda like cutey honey
or jojo from primeval
or sonic the hedgehog
this was a positive movie with some action and fun
but nowadays they'd whine too much about it triggering some tumbler commie
for crocodile Dundee 2 I want the guy she ditched for CD to kidnap her and send his goons to take him on. So him and the black driver team up to take em out in several levels of beat em up action through new York. its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis and super Nintendo and the ex bf is the game bos who injects himself with animal DNA to mutate into a big abomination to fight Dundee.

No comments:

Post a Comment