Saturday, March 31, 2018

Calamity Jane Review

note; I spelle olde weste style e
Calamity Jane
thjis is my review on calamity jane from 1953
its got doris day and is based on the historical figure
I'm not familiar with her story but I recall in da 90s how there as a cartoon of it
but I never got around to seeing it and It was taken off the air for being too violent or w/e
guess i'll have to watch it on youtube
its only like 13 eps anyway
ooh its in color
and is fullscreen
and as chubby Johnson
the cowboy actor
not the xxx star
after some credits jane comes in on a stagecoach singing about going to deadwood
hope they don't swear too much
jane climbs around the coach as it moves
nowadays they'd make that look bad for being too dangerous
also she whips the horses
another thing that now would look bad
at deadwood everyone fires their revolvers in the air
man people had chutzpa in the 1800s\
nah we're just candy a55 now
jane sings and dances as she introduces everyone
she's fun, upbeat lively and tough
kinda like sailor venus
both are blonde too
then the indians come to town
jANE sez she fought off a lotta Indians (which today they'd make look bad)
also her homeboy is wild bill hickock
but he's clean shaven!!
ruined forever!!
jane is kinda tough and boastful
like anna kozuki from Yugioh zexal
in japan anna sez ORE instead of ATASHI or BOKU as she's a tough tomboy
I assume jane would too
also jane is into some guy
a lieutenant
also this saloon or bar or str-p club owner ordered an actress
but francis turned out to be a guy
like Kelly or chris or Ashley or jesse
the owner advertised an actress and sez they'd lynch him if they found out
also after this indian attack, the lieutenant is captured and thought iced
so jane saves him
back at da bar, jane exaggerates her story
wild bill (WB) finds it dubious so jane shoots by his feet
then the owner brings out fransis but he's in a dress
remembers that rob Schneider film
cant u read?! Friday is gay night!!
well he sings a love song and the guys love him
reminds me of Robotech season 3 how lancer would put on womens clothing, and hang about in bars
as a singer
but hes a wanted man
so they wernt looking for a female singer
its clever
well the men find out they were lusting after a man and riot
but jane sez to give him another chance (da owner)
and jane promises a big a55 star
Adelaid Addams
is she in the Addams family?
but turns out its really hard to get her
WB has faith in her and boosts her spirits
they then sing about how they can do without the other
that means they're gonna fall in love and maybe b0ne
look at rick and lisa in Robotech
Lisa: "See you all after the honeymoon!"
Rick: "Yeah in about 5 hours from now!"
me; 5 hours of b0ning?!
later jane goes on a trip to get the star
shes in Chicago!!
nowadays some areas are slums full of gun toting homies
in the city she pulls a gun on a wooden indian and everyone laughs
sounds like PTSD
then we get a song by skimpy dressed chix about a guy she wants to marry
man we're like half an hour in
that felt like nothing
the skimpy chick is da star
and she don't like Chicago
i'm from Chicago!!
that's racist!!
oh and this other chick wants to sing
but he star is a d-ck to her
hope the gun toting homies get her
jane comes in on the chick singing the wedding song and wearing the stars skimpy outfit
jane sez the chick is pretty and wonders how the dress is kept up as its strapless
the chick thinks janes a man as she's a tomboy and thinks jane wants to b0ne her
after solving the misunderstanding, jane invites the chick
oh and the cowboys like collecting the star's trading card sold in pax of smokes
nowadays they would be shown as evil
man doris day does great playing a tough chick
manly and brash and rough around the edges
but in real life shes girly
good acting skill
so they go to the deadwood town jane snipers Indians chasing them as they drive away
bad a55 action
that nowadays would twist things in favor of da Indians
they get to town and everyone loves the chick
then jane sings about how fancy Chicago is
good body language too
she comes across as expressive and masculine
holy cr-p she has a dane hat goes on for a while
good memorization
sorta fred Astaire
b4 the show da fransis actor tries to tell the owner that the chick isn't da star
and da chick don't know how to do makeup
why is fransis still there?!
I thought he'd leave after nearly getting lynched for turning them gay
some Indians are in the audience and 1 has a crying baby
wait, its WB in redface
nowadays they'd go mental over his
and jane lols at WB
the chick comes out singing but is nervous
she cant take it and cmes out about her identity
and everyones p-ssed at jane
oh and the real star went to Europe to hang out with the purvoes and cannibals
the crowd goes nuts but jane fires in da air
1 guy tries throwing a booze bottle but jane shoots it outta his hand
jane gets em to give da chick a chance
chick then gives a confident good show
she does high kicks to take off guys hats and flips over em
everyone loves her
then WB ties up jane with a lasso and hangs her from the ceiling
jane sez she's gonna shoot his ears off
naked Minerva mink!
wait, that's animaniacs
later jane and star are gonna live together and chaperone eachother
nowadays people would think they were b0ning
but in da 50s no one did
later WB I think sings some song
later at janes shack she won in a poker game, chick and jane talk about if jane loves WB
jane gets bummed her shack isn't good enough for a lady like chick
but the chick is ok with it
then she sings about a womans touch fixing he place up
like a montage in an 80s movie
chick gets an open can of paint and paints da door
why was thee open paint?
did they have pan cant in da 1800s?
so they fix up da place and its cleaner and better looking than anything in da 1800s
later the lieutenant wants to date the chick but finds shes living with jane
and WB is trying to get here 1st
at the radio free shack  jane and chick are wearing dresses and jane goes to get water
and shes BAREFOOT!!
foot fetish!!!!
2 hot 4 tv!!
WB and lieutenant go there and flirt with the chick
WB chopps her wood and lieutenant hits on chick
but chick sez jane loves him
which he don't believe
also he notices theres still firewood in das home
WB returns and notices da wood
they wanna go to some dance or w/e and chick sez the 4 of em can go
after arguing over who gets jane, they draw straws
WB gets jane
chick sees jane coming in her dress and expects them to get b0ners for her
but when she comes in se's covered in mud from falling in the creak
dirt fetish!!
slob fetish!!
too hot!!
poop fetish!!
human centipede guy!!
later its night and WB sings about the black hills of Dakota
sounds like a horror movie
like the hills have eyes
man we're like 75 mins in
good flow
at the dance jane is in a white dress
and veryone is shocked she looks hot
all da guys wanna dance with her
reminds me of Gundam seed
kira sees da blonde in a dress
kira; ur... a girl...
gurl; whats that supposed to meen?!
kira; nothing. it just reminded me of it...
girl; that's the same thng jacka55!!
and on ytv they blanked out the audio for jacka55
don't wanna offend the male donkeys by using that word as a slur
also in the recap episode clip show it didn't censor jackA55 when she said it
so jane is jealous of lieutenant liking da chick
she fires at her but don't hit her
later at her shack jane takes off the fancy dress in a rage
btw b4 her back was open but then its closed
later the chick sings the wedding song and jane is p-ssed
jane tells chick to get outta town tomorrow
chick borrows a gun and tries to shoot janes beer glass off her hand
but WB did it secretly
and chick's shot hit this wood think holder container
later lieutenant takes jane out back and b0nes her
really he gives her advice
she acts like a man but thinks like a woman
as she's jealous
its WB
not lieutenant
WB sed she looked foolish tonight and that she's not a man
nowadays that would be seen as bad
they comfort eachother over the people they loved falling for others
then they smooch
they rebound quick
the next day she sings of love outside
I think they b0ned
its just like in big top pee wee where pee wee got implants
I mean spent the night with an italiano and was happy the next day
btw jane is dressed like col sanders
she's cheerful at town but everyone is avoiding her for last night when she told da chick to skip town
but turns out she did skip town cuz of jane and her coming between jane and the lieutenant
so jane goes after her
on the way she meets WB and smooches him
then they both go after the chick
wait its just jane
she calls to the driver to stop
wtf his name is rattlesnake
what is this?! mad max?!
maybe the crow
jane tells the chick she loves WB and is gonna marry him
chick; I thought u loved the other guy?!
jane; that's female thinking
me; wtf!?
then jane and the chick marry their bf's
then they sing
WB rhymes well (like a deep well) with well(as in doing well)
that's just cr-ppy
lol WB mentions "the light of the silvery moon"
that's another doris day film
thy drive off singing
the end
doris day had to recover from exhaustion from filming this
she worked her a55 off
but I liked this
its fun, upbeat, cheerful, charming and lively
plus jane saving a guy who she likes reminds me of new cutey honey how honey saves Chokkei but he goes with another chick
this film has good pacing
good flow
and good feels
for calamity jane 2 I want her to have gotten really fat from being pregnant with all of wild bill's kids and is almost 700lbs. she is still a good shot but has trouble moving. then Indians capture her kids and b0ne her fat all over. she decides to try to save em but cant really move much. so she knows se cant lose the weight in time to get back in shape to save her kids. so she gets ben franklins kid to give him an exosuit to let her move fast and handle her tonnage. also she keeps extra ammo in her rolls and goes on a chase to get back her ids. its also a 16 bit run and gun game on sega genesis, super Nintendo and gameboy advance with you as jane in her exosuit powered by human flesh and you gotta take out enough people per level to get enough power to make it to the next one

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

The H Man Review

note; this keybords going f'df. there be typoes
the h man
this is my review on the h man
also called Bijo To Ekatai-Ningen
which translates to Beauty and the Liquid People
after images of nukes an credits we get people walking in the rain
a guy getting into a car groans and the car drives off
then a car hits him offscreen and hes gone and just clothes left
oh and there was chronic in his bag worth 7-8 million yen
they bring in mr chin (not jay leno) to talk about the bag
he saw someone who gave him it
chin looks through a photo book and recognizes misaki (the guy who got car hit)
the cops go to misaki's place and this chick in his bed sez she aint seen him in days
I assume he's been b0ning her
at the station she sez misaki never told her what he did to fund their lifestyle
she works as a nightclub chick and makes 50 000 yen or more
I assume that's the covered up verion of h--ker
misaki was in a gang and his homies will ice him if they find out about the cops finding out about his chronic
then theres some str-ppers or something in a nightclub in fancy bikinis
then this chick sings a love song
what is this? robotech?
imagine minmei becoming a str-pper in a night club
oh and the cops are there
I think its misakis woman
in the change room misaki's wife gives this guy money for misaki as the cops are following her
then the cops come in and arrest him
the guy is proffser masada from the university
hes studying nuke ashes effects on humans
sounds like what the gov did after the war
he sez radioactive rain might dissolve people
misaki might've been in a nuke testing area
bikini or xmas island
bikini island?!
sounds like that yugioh card
bimbo battleground
Its bamboo battleground
later this trenchcoat guy gets in the wifes place and interrogates her at gunpoint and slapping over where misaki is
she don't know
also he tells her not to tell anyone
sounds like what happened with j fk r fk and marilin Monroe
after he leaves he empties his gun and she stumbles out and blacks out
the neighbors (not tommy Wiseau) look outside and the trenchcoat guy is just a coat
she tells da cops and they think it was really misaki
for the focus of the movie plot, misaki is only in like 28 seconds of film
then he goes to h-ll
is he dead?
maybe he's a living puddle of soup
masada talks to wife about misaki and he learns of the other guy who went
later masada shows his hospital homies to the cop and they tell of a deserted ship that they found at sea
on it was empty clothes
in the captains room some slime comes out and gets a guy
then these see through beings show up and melt another guy
a 3rd guy gets soaked in the spurm like goo and melts
then it shows a see through thing
and more spurm people rise
after they returned home they told the cops but no one believed it
the cops and I think masada look through th log book from the ship and it sez after a nuke test men disappeared on da boat
then dr maki does radiation tests on frogs
what is this?! hulk wth eric banna?
microwaving frogs
the frog bubbles like blowing in a straw in milk and melts
but the frog is still alive as a liquid
that's worse than killing it
oh cr-p
batman beyond
inque did that thing to that guy
she only gave me half a dose!! help meeeeee!!
f it that was f;d up
later theres another homicide
and one cop brings in the radioactive life thing from the ghost ship
wait I think its masada
wife talks to masada and asks if misaki is dead
and she saw a guy melt
she feels faint so they give her a stimulant
hope the mormons don't find out
I think its coke or pepsi
masada sez to a cop he wants to tell the public about the melting people
and wife wants to finger the gang members who follow her at the club
then she sings another love song at the club and gives subtle hints to the cops of who is a gang member
then some bikini dancers comes on
and the cops arrest the gang guys
and the music is loud enuff to cover da arrest sounds
outside its raining and the slime comes outta the water
I think they reversed the footage to make it go up
1 guy in the club tries to escape out the window but the slime comes in, turns man and gets him
and bullets don't affect it
it also gets a bikini girl
wife sees the slime and escapes and calls a guy
1 cop attacks the slime which turned slime man but it slimes him and melts him
a scientist checks the attackers remains but its radioactive
also the slime gets away out da window
the news reports the story later
then they microwave another frog into foam then goo
they pour the goo by another frog and it turns it
turns out its eating it
and the slime things are attracted by human life
they call it H MAN as its made by a hydrogen nude I mean nuke
hermaphrodite man?!
they find high voltage and fire stop it
so they'll burn the sewers and river construction
later they find out 1 guy they thought dissolved faked it by taking off his clothes and running around nude
they knew as his clothes wernt radioactive
later wife goes in a car to meet masada
but then masada arrives to get her and realizes its a trick
so theres a low speed car chase
the music tries to make it exciting
but not much happens
eventually masada's car crashes and the kidnapper gets away
the cops or w/e use flame throwers and gasoline to burn out the sewers after evacuating the area
but the slime moves on the ceiling
kidnapper (who faked his melting)takes wife through the sewers
he finds a bag of smack worth 50 million yen hidden behind a brick in the sewer
they run into the flame thrower group but try to leave b4 being noticed
then they find the slime
he has her get undressed so the find he clothes and think the slime got her
also I think he wants to b0ne her
I just had an idea
the slime is in da sewer
what if it came outta the toilet like the ghoulies and up peoples butts and filled em up?
masada finds wifes coat floating out the sewer
so he goes in lookin for her
but the forces have found the monster slime
btw the wifes name is chitako ara
reminds me of Chisato Yamane and naoko arai from nami sos
so the slime gets the kidnapper and wife runs
also they started torching the sewers
masada finds her
btw she's not nude
she's in a slip or something
so they get saved and the slime is cooked
also nowadays they'd make a big deal about torching the sewers
they get outta da sewer and the sewer fire torches the town
its like in gone with the wind when Sherman torched Atlanta
dr maki sez the monster is done
but then sez if man gets wiped out cuz of nukes, the next ruler of the planet will be the h man
but you just said it was dead
what is this?!
Halloween 4?!
Loomis and Michael are alive and Jamie lee Curtis isn't?!
they switched things?!
the end
that was pretty cool
good effects
good story
took some time to get going
but it paid off in the end
I liked it
for the h man 2 I want a piece of the slime to have survived and has developed a mind of its own. it has the memories of all those it absorbed and personalities mixed. it finds chitako and tries to be her husband again but it knows if it touches her then she's iced. but the gang is still after her and after the slime ate the guy with the smack, the drugs have caused it to become addicted and it goes around eating drug users and dealers to get its fix. also its a 16 bit game on sega genesis and snes and game boy advance where you play as the slime and have to protect chitako and go out on feeding missions to eat junkies and dealers.

Monday, March 26, 2018

The Incredible Shrinking Man Review

note; my spelling makes more sense than most sci fi
the incredible shrinking man
this is my review on the incredoible schrinking man (the 50s one)
I never saw irt b4
but i think its kinda like a reverse of the movie attack of the 50 foot woman
its written by the guy who dud a buncha twilight zone episodes in da 60s
the director is jack Arnold who also did
With These Hands (1950) (sounds like a p0rn0)
Girls in the Night (1953) (another p0rn0)
It Came from Outer Space (1953) (which was good)
The Glass Web (1953) (sounds like a Castlevania level)
Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) (I reviewed it)
Revenge of the Creature (1955) (sounds like a batman ep)
Tarantula (1955) (I like spiders)
Outside the Law (1956) (wasn't that a steven segal film?)
The Tattered Dress (1957) (sounds like a law and order svu ep)
High School Confidential (1958) (degrassi p0rn0)
The Space Children (1958) (the results of alien p0rn0(or Robotech))
Monster on the Campus (1958) (la blue girl??!!
The Mouse That Roared (1959) (better than a shark roaring in that jaws sequel)
Bachelor in Paradise (1961) (totally not a p0rn0)
The Wackiest Wagon Train in the West (1976) (which I saw on a public domain thing and kinda liked)
after some cool opening credits with a man cut out shrinking, a man narrates how this s his weird story
hes on a boat with some bimbo enjoying the sun
nowadays this would be show as bad
they joke around about her getting him a beer
nowadays he's be having chronic
then this mist goes by him while shes getting the beer inside the boat
hes exposed to it
later at home his clothes are too big for him
he wants her to get a bathroom scale
later a the drs sez gone fro 6'1 to 5 11 and down 10lbs
the dr thinks its a mistake
people are taller b4 lunch
later at home the scale sez he lost 4lbs
could be the scale being off
he is gonna kiss her with consent but he notices hes smaller
wonder how it effects his man thing?
another week later hes at the drs and had x rays
dr confirms hes shrinking
maybe he got bit by a were-midget and is turning into one?
then theres a montage of tests
wtf dr sez ah minnow acids
its uh mii noh acids
not like amano jyaku from Urotsukidoji!
later a dr sez its him being sprayed by bug spray by a truck that started it
then radioactivity from the mist turned him
in the car he sez hes ok if she dumps him
but she married him for better or worse
even if he becomes a hobbit
later his bro sez he lost a account and cant afford to keep paying him
and the reporters got wind of his shrinking
so he uses his disability to get fame
sounds like something for the learning channel
look at my 600lb life and all those midget shows
btw the movie makes him look small with big bets and editing his human sized wife into the foreground
they even got the shadow edited in
main guy gets disgruntled about being 3 feet tall
oh and theres a mob of freak fetish people outside
btw in the 50s, radioactivity was basically used like modern stuff uses science and evolution
as a magic excuse for making their crazy plot work
later main guy gets a phone call saying they found the cure
he goes to da dr and get a needle
they use a childs arm for it to look small
later it sez hes 36 inches and 52lbs
that's don't add up
is he made of iron?
also hes stopped shrinking
man we're only 25 mins in
later hes disgruntled about being a midget
oh and hes got a cat
I hear real midgets dont like dogs as they are around the same size or less
so main guy goes to a carnival and we hear of an 840lb woman
but they don't show her
and they have a 36.5 inch woman there
h0ly cr-p this is the learning channel
he cant take it and leaves
later hes at a coffee shop and his blonde midget comes by to talk
blonde midget?
like... total recall?
she gives him advice about how being a midget needs getting used to
btw the coffee cups are smaller than the salt shakers
he feels better and writes a book about is life
he meets the midget lady again and notices hes shrinking again
later hes the size of an action figure and living in a doll house
where'd they get it?
was it hes as a kid?
or did she buy it?
store; is this for your daughter?
her; no, my husband
store; purvurt!!
as she goes out the door is left open and the cat gets in
btw how can the wife hear him if hes so small?
the cat comes after him and he escapes the doll house
but it attaks him
wait, where'd he get his clothes?
are they from a toy?
the cat toys with him and he knows over a lamp to stop the cat
he runs to the basemet and tries holding the door closed
I doubt he can hold off a cat if hes the size of a G I Joe
he falls down the area by the stairs
the wife returns but thinks the cat got him
and the news reported hes iced
he wakes up in a box and mves junk around to get out a crack in it
btw, why did they still have the cat if hes mouse sized?!
give it away or shoot it!
its like a human having a pet dinosaur!
so he cant get up the stairs
and has to survive until she comes down
he drinks water drips
and has a matchbox to live n
meanwhile the wife chats with the guys bro and thinks he might be alive
he finds a mouse trap and nearly trips it
theres tension as he gets the cheese
so he throws a nail on t
but it still don't go
he gets the nail and tries again
but the chreese does down a grate
he tries climbing a shelf to get food on it
but a freekin tarantula comes out!!
imagine if it were a house centipede!!
that would be f'd!!
so he gets a pin from a pincushion
then bends another
what r u playing at??
he gets string and lights a match to cut it by burning
u know if u started a fire in the basement she'd come down
using the bent needle and string he climbs the shelf like a grappling hook
he gets to the top of da shelf but theres a gap on top he cant get by
he tries moving a paint wood stick but its sealed to the she;lf by paint
so he tries using it to jump across
but it starts coming off the paint
so he jumps and catches the other side
also he threw his needle equipment across b4 going
smart move
reduces weight and rick of self wounds
he gets the bread and finds a way outside the window
but theres a bug screen
and outside is a bird
he tries getting it over but t books it
he cant get out
he throws down the bread but the biggest piece is part of as spider web
after coming down the tarantula chases him
so e hides in his matchbox
this isn't some dinky house spider
its a big a55 tarantula
its bigger than the matchbox
eventually it leaves
later the wife is gonna leave
oh and the water is dripping on his matchbox
then it bursts forth like with noahs flood and fills the basement
the bro and wife come down and the basement is flooded from the water heater
and they cant hear him as hes too small
holy cr-p hes smaller than a pencil
bro unclogs the drain
then they go up and bro sez he wants her outta da house tonight
main guy survives the drain on a pencil
why didn't he go up the stairs on his pin grappling hook?
so wife and bro leave
and main guy has a tarantula after him
but it climbs the shelf
he gets his pin weapons and wants to right the spider for the food
wtf the tarantula is on a web
they don't do that
they hunt
after climbing the shelf he uses his g hook to hit the paint can and walks around the lower rim
he finds scissors
and wants to shank the spider on the pin weapon and throw the scissors connected to it down
he tugs the web to get the spider down
then throws the hook at ti
he throws the scissors but the string gets stuck
then breaks
he fights it with the pin he has left
the spider gets on him and just d-cks around until he grabs the pin and shanks it
is he gonna eat it?
why was the spider in the shelf if it has a web?
he then walks to the food, don't eat it, and black out
hes still shrinking
he goes to the gate and is small enough to fit through
he talks to himself for as bit about cosmic stuff like the future and others migth become him with radiation and the universe
to God, there is no zero and everyone has worth
it ends with him thinking about the cosmos and how he no longer fears the future
the end
that was pretty good
nice 50s sci fi
great effects and attention to detail
good acting and themes
no lust or swearing
no gore
just a great film
for the incredible shrinking man 2 I want him to pray for help and an angel appears before him. it offers him a chance to return to full size. he takes it. but he also has spiritual powers. and can change his size at will smaller or return to human size. also aliens have seen this and they want his powers so they try to abduct him. he uses his holy powers to keep them off. so they attack the city hoping to make him surrender. so he goes on a battle against them and changes size to get past their scanners and gte inside them to bat up their organs from the inside. its also a 16 bit action game on sega genesis and snes and Atari jaguar and has him fighting aliens in several levels and having a recharging holy ki meter to shrink, grow or use ki blasts. oh and in some levels the tarantula is revived as a vehicle to ride on to help him fight through stuff and can grow to human size.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

Time After Time Review

note; I spell bad but I;m good at it
time after time
this ids my review on time after time (79 ver)
its got malcome McDowell from clockwork orange and fist of the north star
and david warner from tron and balders gate 02
so after cool credits its londen 1895
its a foggy place but bright and night
btw this film is super widescreen
we get a 1st person view of a guy buying a h00ker
he gets out a pocketwatch to play music b4 b0ning
I think he's b0ning her but then he cuts her up offscreen
hes jack the ripper
later da cops find her
Malcom McDowell is h g wells and having a party with his homies
david warner returns to h g party and h g is his bff
h g here has a time machine
its like if jules verne had a submarine
ir Arthur c Clarke had a space ship and alien homies
oh and the machine is solar powered and has the ability to return the user unless he uses a key
and theres a component that without it, the rider goes through time without the machine
and the machine returns to its starting date after going out
h g sez in 3 generations civilization will be free of war and cr-p
and he wants to see it
btu then the cops come by without a warrant and say jack da ripper is in the area\
the cops find david warners bag and realize hes the ripper
many cops come in w/o a warrant but cant find him
later h g realizes jack got away in his time machine
after the machine returns with cool 80s style effects like tron, h g sees jack went to nov 05 1979
isn't that chichi's birthday in dragon ball?
he fears what jack the ripper will do to the utopia of 1979
isn't that the plot of demolition man?
a past crook comes to the candya66 future and his nemesis comes after him?
h g calculates that its 86 years and 2 years per minute so its 43 mins and goes to the future with cool 80s effects
also just like in the time machine movie he has a chick who is his maid
then we get trippy effects of him going through time
wtf the years move as one
1916 to 1917 is a single number on paper
not a 1 9 9 6 thing for each year, decade, century and millennium
so does that limit how far into time he can go?
and did he print or write out each year on a long a55 strip of paper?
and did he build the machine himself?
or did he hire people?
so many questions
so after going through time and getting audio clips from the 20th century he's in the 70s and at a h g wells exhibit
they have a real time machine and think its a repro
he is surprized by things about his future
oh and he gets a pair of glasses from a cabinet deck drawer and switches em
he's arrived 08 hours after jack
he takes in the sights of the 20th century like cars and planes and chicks in tight jeans and tube tops
oh and he's in san fran Sodom
he gets his 1800s coins exchanged for us cash and gets 25$
which he thinks is a lot
then he goes to mcdonalds and orders what the guy ahead of him ordered
he then checks the banks for clues to jack
he tries to sell jewelry but don't got ID
man we're 25% through this
he goes to church and sez
I don't believe u exist, but if u do, let me spend the night
the fact that he's talking to God proves he believes
after a night in the outside he looks through more banks
he finds a brit bank and wants a man
but the chick there sez she's just as good
and h g sez he's basically a feminist
but he don't say it
she helps him find jack and talks with a fellow co worker about how she's gay for him
he was in clock work orange
that wasn't the best guy to get into back then
plus its set around when this film takes place
he gets a cab to the hotel with jack
jack; ur the last person I expected to see
me; i'd think it would be one of the wh-res he iced
h g wants to bring jack back
and expects him to obey
but like an unarmed cop, he had no leverage
jack shows h g tv about how f';d things are in 1979
and jack sez he belongs there as its a f'd up violent age
like him
so jack locks the door and sez he wants the key so h g cant follow him forever
then jack beats his a55 for saying he don't have it
a maid comes in and interrupts what she must think is b0ning and jack books it
h g chases him to cool music
why is jack running?
just kick his candy a66!
hes a dr
he knows the weak points in the human body
jack gets run over and is taken to the hospital
he's from the 1800s
he can walk it off
h g follows him and the nurse sez he bit it of internal injuries
this is san fran sisco is 79
and he;s in a hospital!!
with bleeding people!!
later he meets the chick form the money place who's gay for him and they go to lunch at a rotating restaurant
they chat and he sez he did articles on free love
sounds like p0rn0
also aids
so she is the kind of girl who b0nes a lot
and talks about it in restaurants
anyway how is your secks life?
she drives him across the golden gate bridge and he picks up how it works watching
she tells about how she married a guy who wanted her to be a mother to their kids
and she'd rather work
so she ditched him
h g also ditched his wife
later they see a movie and h g is scared of it
later she brings him back to her place for dinner
and the newspapers say theres a guy icing wh-res
later they b0ne
meanwhile, jack is out and finds a dancing 5kank
the next day the radio sez another rh00ker was chopped up
wells wants to stop him and cant tell te cops as they wont believe him
she thinks hes a detective and goes out
at work the chick invites her friend for dinner at 7 to meet h g
then jack comes in wearing 70s clothes and wants to exchange more cash
she calls h g and he tells her to keep jack there until he gets there
yeah like he can do anything
she makes small talk and he realizes she lead h g to him at the hotel
he gets her name from her name desk thing
and tells her to tell h g to leave the key to the machine at the museum
btw david warner is really good at being creepy in here
she gets him to go to the cops
he tells them to get jack
but they check the data and say theres no record of jack entering here or leaving England
oh and h g sez he "Sherlock holmes"
I get he;d think the name is fallen out of use by then
its like saying ur char aznable
or terry bogard
but still man
they don't believe him
so theres a letter from jack at the chicks place
and he comes out to her about being h g wells
and she thinks he's full of cr-p
so he takes her to the museum
meanwhile jack goes to a 5kanks place
she's also smoking chronic and wants to give him some
he';s already crazy
that'll make him psycho
oh and he takes her out
so at the museum h g has them ride the time machine to November 010
but nothing happens
she goes but finds its the future and a newspaper has the 010th as a date
she's happy until she reads it
it sez shes been iced
good use of music to go from happy and lovey to dark
h g suggests her going back with him
but she don't wanna
so he decides to use time as they know what jacks gonna do b4 he does it
why not go back to when jack arrived and take him down?
or why not pull a bill and ted and set up traps to help u?
later she sez she wants to get a firearm for self protection
h g not getting how guns work, thinks its answering violence with violence
yeah that worked so well with chamberlin
the Nazis listened to him and by not responding with force, they obeyed him
so h g and her drive to stop jack but the car gets a flat
h g calls the cops saying its Sherlock holmes
at least he didn't say john holmes
I guess that's if he fuses with john (jack ) the ripper
by the time they get there the chick is iced
the cops hear holmes called b4 the killing and think he did it
at home, the chick don't wanna get iced
so h g sez to not be where the paper sez she gets it
he then goes out cuz he;s a d-ck suck
she takes sedatives and h g buys a pistol
when he gets back the cops get him
oh and the doors not slammed so it didn't lock
they grill h g and don't buy his cr-ppy story
Malcom McDowell gives a good performance when begging them to save his gf
and he was so evil in clockwork orange
what a great actor
btw why would she take valium when she has a killer after her?!
so she wakes up too late and jack comes in
h g sez he's gonna sign and agree to anything they want if they go to save her
even if he is crazy
and his story don't add up
it wont hurt to check on her
just to be sure
I mean this guy believes someones gonna get iced
sounds like probable cause
so the cops go there and find a blood mess and rubber looking hand
h g is free to go
and the cop sez sorry
its the cops fault btw
so h g is out the next night and the gf is still alive
her friend from work she invited over got iced
and jack has the gf hostage
h g gives him the key as jack gave his word as a gentleman
and jack sez he's no gentleman and drives off with her
he chops up 5kanks for fun after b0ning em
why would u think he;s a gentleman?!
so then we get a car chase with h g driving bad and jack with a blade at her neck
but if theres a bump she bites it and the car crashes and he goes straight to h-ll with her
they get to da museum
jack has her at knifepoint
h g uses is words to try to win jack over
heartfelt appeal
good acting btw
jack throws her at him and gets in the machine
but h g removes the thing that keeps the rider in the machine and jack goes to infinity and beyond with cool 80s style effects
so h g sez bye to her as he has to return to where he belongs
as hes leaving she begs him to let her come
he does
she sez shes gonna be susan b Anthony
or her cousin leslie b Anthony
didn't she hate black guys?
text sez h g wells married amy robbins and they bit it in the future of the 1920s or 1910s
the end
good ending music btw
wtf cory Feldman was the boy at the museum
I never knew that.
that was pretty good
I liked it
good historical fiction
better than the cr-p on the history channel anyway
10 000 bc my a55!
the acting, music and effects were great
really good story too
good twists and such
good time story too
too bad the tv series was canceled after 1 season
that was cool
for time after time 2 I want it to follow h g welles and his new gf's issues in the 1800s with no modern cr-p. its also her dealing wit 1800s brits and cr-ppy brittish food. then jack returns from the future as time is a loop and he' gone around and back to the start. he's learned his lesson from the time trip and seeing the universe made and unmade and wants h g to find a cure for him time issues. also its a 16 bit sega genesis and super Nintendo game where h g and the chick go through time t collect the fragments of jacks ki he left through his travels and rebuild him. and each level is another time period with anachronistic stuff like cavemen on motorcycles and future mammoths.

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Willard Review

note; I never had rats. but I had a pet tarantula. also bad spelling isd here
this is my review of wllard (the 70s one)
I never saw this b4 but hear its good
it starts with triumphant music and credits in a factory
its got ernest borgnine in it and a buncha no ones
its based on a book
so then ernest b--ches at this blonde guy Willard about screwing something up
Willard goes home and everyone wishes him happy birthday
he's 27
I missed the party as I got my spaghetti
aftere the party he throws food at a rat in the yard
later its night and his mom b--ches at him about the party and him offending people
she b--ches about their cr-ppy home too
latter its day again and Willard feeds da rats
later his mom b--ches about the rats again
he goes to work and theres a blonde there
his boss rides his a55 over being late as Willard missed da bus
ernest is his boss
hes had it with Willard being late on work and is gonna fire him over it if it keeps up
and he paid for a helper chick
da blonde
later Willard is helping da rats and their rat kittens
he gets em in this pool thing on a rock thing and fills it with hose water
da music makes this seem bad
Willard is won over by em and saves em
he tells his mom he iced da rats
she cant handle him saying it
later at work Willard aint invited to ernests b day par tay
at home a neighbor sez something hapened with wilards mom
he chats with mom and shes kinda needy
later he tries training the rats
he finds a little white rat and calls him Socrates
i'd've gone with stewart little
later his mom calls him with a silver bell and she b--ches at him over being in the backyard
she sees the white rat tail in his pocket but he sez its nothing
later he has more rat kittens
he carries em in a kiddy wagon
he plays with da rats and is happy
1 rat is named ben
the music is happy like willy wonka
later at work ersnest is with a thick blonde
I think in the real version they were b0ning
Willard wants a raise from his boss ersent
ernesrt sez he wants to buy willards home
boss esnest b-ches at him for maybe not ending his anniversary invitatons out
and wllard being a burden
later Willard goes to bos ebesrt party and lets his ats out
the guests freak out and esnrst trashes the place
later at work the guys laugh at the event
boss gets a call and he sends Willard home as his moms sick
turns out she bit it
the neighbor said she tried to reach him but boss said Willard was out
also mom asked neighbor to look after Willard
also they moved her b4 Willard got there
later he finds she left him no cash and if he sells the place he can pay the mortgage
but he don't wanna
later ersent is at his place and eating a lot
as are others
later he moves his rats to the celler
later he gets p-ssed at the neighbor and kicks her out
btw they use real rats for this not puppets or cgi like they'd do now
so his rats start coming up of the cellar
hes talking to his rats
yeah but people talkling to dogs is seen as ok
and dogs don't understand SH-T!!
later he brings his rats to work with him
an he has a new car
blonde has got him a pet cat
at home he gets a letter saying they're gonna sell his home for taxes
huh, looks like taxation is theft
he gives the cat to some guy and goes in
he yells at the rats for b0ning too much and breeding too much
he then feeds the rats
you know, they can survive on their own eating bugs
but some bugs eat rats
On Rock Kids TV was a thing where the God Rocks dealt with a mouse that freaked out the girl.
Me; If mice scare you, just get some foot long centipedes!
They'll take care of the mice! (Although footlong centipedes are kinda worse than mice...)
Willard asks the nreighbor for help with da taxes
he asks another guy for it but the guy sez its better to sell instread of getting into debt
like the housing thing in 2008
don't buy what u cant afford
later at work Ernst wants the thick blonde hes b0ning to get 8000$ in cash from das bank for a guy vacationing in Europe
at night he comes by the Europe guys place and has his rats eat the bedroom doors wood
he opens the door and somehow the rats get in his bed and him and his woman run out
later ernest wants to tear down willards home and put an apartment building on it
and sez Willard will sell if hes unemployed
but Willard hears him from inside
later Willard gets mad at ben the rat for doing rat things
he takes ben to the office but tells him if hes bad he wont take him anymore
yeah cuz rats can know English
later eertewrent borgnine ries to get da blonde to make willard sell
but she dont consent
so he fires her as she had a temp job there
and Willard gets fired in 30days
then thick blonde finds the rats and screams
everyone gathers and ernests tries to stick em
he wastes Socrates
and Willard couldn't do anything
or he'd be exposed
after cleaning the rat blood off him he invites the thick blonde to b0ne later
killing and b0ning
he's living the dream
later Willard sez sorry to ben about Socrates
at home he yells at a picture of his mom for bad advice in trusting ersenrty and owing taxes on the mortgage
later he drives a car full of rats to work
ernest opens da door and Willard is sourrounded by rats
its like with zoicite in sailor moom with the cat with the rainbow crustal
so erent is freaked out and wilard looks like hes gonna snap
and he controls the rats
he sez ernest stole his dads business, it iced his mom and hes tiying to ruin him
Willard (who looks kinda like Michael cera or my Yugioh homie tyler who linked his pokemon black to my pokemon white 2) sez ernest made him him hae himself
and iced his bff socrates
so wllard has the rats eat him alive
instead of icing him they should've ate holes in his body and lived in him
maybe after eating off his arms/legs
later wilard drowns the rats in the pool pond
nowadays they'd make him look bad 4 this
its jest ratz!
I eat better animals than that!
later he invites the blonde back to his place and sez she and Socrates helped him
he sez hes not afraid anymore and is gonna find work
but sees ben
but she don't see him
he checks he basement and its full of rats
he sends the blonde home saying hes gonna all her
he tells ben if ben behaves hes gonna give be and rats food
Willard is mixing rat poison in the rat food but ben notices and alerts the pack
the rats go after him and get him
then the credits roll as ben watches
btw Charles laughtens woman elsa lanchester was in this as I think the thick blonde or the mom
yeah its the mom
the end
that was pretty good
kinda like carrie or kiss of the tarantula
I like the 70s feel its got and the characters are well defined
you know who is what.
I liked it
and the rats were real
not cgi
it looks great
for Willard 2 I want for the blonde gf to come back and save him by carrying whats left of him out of the window. hes covered in cuts and bites and has got no arms or legs but still has his parts. she realizes the only way to stop a swartm of rats, is with a tougher swarm. she then uses her Ki to heal his bleeding stumps and gets him to a dr to fix him while she goes around looking for parts of an ancient treasure that can summon foot long centipedes. but the rats are after her and she uses various show powr ups to stomp da rats after her like big boots or high heels or spring boots to jump high. also its a 16 bit game on sega and super Nintendo and gba and Atari jaguar and turbo grafix 16 and you play as the blonde going in several temples to get the pieces. also ben has learned to synchro with the rats and they unite to form a giant rat golem that fights as one and is the size of a sasquatch. oh and she gets the centipede staff to control the centipedes to for into new limbs for Willard and for a centipede armor on him to let him fight again and extend his punches and kicks and reach

Thursday, March 22, 2018

The Mad Genius Review

note; i'm pretty smart too. I just spell bad
the mad genuious
this is my review on the mad genius (1930s ver)
its based on a play and was made cuz svengalli did so well
it stars jonh berrymore and has small parts by boris Karloff
small parts?
that sounds wrong
its directed by Michael curtiz who did these films in the 20s
Sodom and Gomorrah
The Moon Of Israel
Noah's Ark
Yet none are on the history channel
they'd rather air the mummy; tomb of the dragon emperor
or boogie nights
after quick credits the film starts
15 years ago in Europe this puppet master has a puppet show of puppets dancing
a shoeless boy moves his feet while watching
the puppet master snaps a puppet cuz hes p-ssed at it and we hear a scream
its the boy getting beats from his dad
he runs and the master is amazed how great the boys legs are
for dancing
the dad is boris Karloff
master hides the boy and dad moves on
then they skip town
that's child kidnapping
just cuz the dad beats him don't make him bad
this is like the 1910s
my great grandma beat the black off my grampa
he lived to be 94.5
so master is named ivan and when he was a kid people said he was a genious
he wanted to be a dancer but his leg was cr-ppy
its done in this monologue all done in one take to tell his backstory
he talks about frankensteins monster, the golem and the homunculus
and how he's gonna make this kid be his avatar of his dreams
like those toddlers in tiara fast chicks who make their kids perform
then its the present
which is the 30s
in berlin
theres a dancing theater thing
a guy tells ivan the boy stops dancing at times
ivan tells him the boy was nervous and ivan made him what he is
also theres a chick the guy is into but she's reserved for the boy
ivan goes behind the thing and chats with a white chick in an dark afro about making her a high rank dancer
no not dana from Robotech
shes blonde
he also chats with a blonde dancer
the show director is going mental and needs something from ivan
I think its drugs
he does it in silhouette
later oy chats with ivan and he is gay for the chick
but ivan thinks it'll ruin his work
boy thinks this guy is gonna seduce this girlt he likes
boy; all he has to do is look at her and...
me; she gets pregnant!!
ivan sez if she's pure she'll stay away from the guy who wants to b0ne her
if not, she aint worth him
sounds right
after boy leaves, ivan calls a guy and tells him not to give up
I think its the guy who wants to b0ne her
then the afro chick come in and ivan tells her someones gay for her
later he chats with her again and she sez the boy isn't into her
he tells her to see him jin his office at 2 30
I think he';s gonna b0ne her
later the chick gets flowers
ivan has a letter written
it sez the chick isn't good enough for her role in the show
in other words; dear b--ch, u s-ck!!
he tells the director that the director wrote the note but director knows its not true
so ivan throws drugs in the furnace and sez if he don't do it, he wont ever get any more drugs
as that's the only drugs in the world
and sez if he drops the rest in, the director will be free, but will suffer
btw the director looks kinda like ron Jeremy
so ron Jeremy gives in and consents to ivan
the chick gets da note and dnt understand why
ivan ends their contract by mutual consent
mutual consent?!
whats with al the p0rn0 refs in this?!
ivan suggests she goes with some guy
she sez she loves the boy but ivan sez to ditch him for his own good
and the chick ivan loved lolled in his face
he twists her into signing the contract consent
ivans a d-ck
ruining someone innocent for the gain of someone he wants to get ahead
hes like a liberal bashing a guy he disagrees with so the guy running against him who's worse will win
the boy comes in and is p-ssed
he sez he loves the chick and don't like ivan ruining her
he sez theres only 1 of boy and many dancers like her
ivan tells his cr-ppy life story of how he was a cripple as a kid and his parents f'd him up
now he lives through the boy
and how they are like 1 being
that sounds like they're b0ning
boy sez he never heard that story b4
they lived together 15 years and never talked about his past??
they argue and ivan is like; u r my puppet! I own yo a55!
boy books it after da chick
later boy and chick are living together and have a pet bird
1st I hope they aint b0ning
2nd hope the birds head don't fall off
like that jim carry movie
they listen to a street singer and r happy
meanwhle ivan is smoking and drinking and with a 5kank
just like Charlie sheen and errol flynn
later he talks to a music guy and sez his suit makes him look like a wet string bean
yes, hes drunk
music guy tells his idea for a show
it has a fat chick I think
ivangali sez those who like it is a stoo pid a55
yes, hes drunk
he goes out and the bimbo he was b0ning wants him to stay
man we're like 50 mins in
it feels like nothing happened
sven gali I mean ivan wants to put the boy back in the mud where he found him
later boy tries to get dancing work but cant
but this is flapper dancing, not ballet
its like saying if you can play sega genesis you can do playstation 3
later the chick is creeped out how the boy is sounding like ivan
is this like batman beyond; return of the joker??
oh and boy works at a cabaret
later ivan invites a girl to his office at 3 00 to make her a dancer
I think hes gonna b0ne her
the chick sees ivan and wants him to hire back the boy
he tells her to break up with him
later booy comes home and sees ivan
he accuses him of doing something to her but he sez he cares more for him
ter boy has work at a dance by ivan
oh and the chick is with another guy
but secretly wants he boy
and they go to see the boys show for some reason
between acts boy wants to stop
he knew the chic is there
he sensed her b4 seeing her
and looking at her he figured out her reason for leaving based on her expression
ivan goes on a monologue about how boy s-cked and is only good cuz of ivans cr-p
and if he screws up hes gonna ice a boy
I think the boy can take ivan
kick out his good leg and stomp his head
wtf I just noticed this is in widescreen
so the show goes on
but ron eremy is jonesing and behind the scenes
he fights ivan over the drugs
the boy dances ballet and its pretty good
it took the whole movie about a boy doing ballet to show him dancing
like how Anubis doesn't show up in the Yugioh movie until the end
then they find ivans body on the background
and every one runs
se you in h-ll ivan
ivan and the chick I mean the boy and the chick reunite
and the music guy looks bummed
was he gay for ivan?
the end
that was pretty good
nice b/w looks
good acting
simple and easy to follow plot
good themes
its a well made film
Michael curtiz does it again
hes always great
for the mad genius 2 I want the boy and the chick to be married and have a kid. but the kid is ivan reincarnated as he put his ki into the boy and it came out his parts to get the chick pregnant and brought his soul back from h-ll into the kid. he has all his memories and grows to adult size in a few weeks. also he wants to become a dancer again but needs cash so he becomes a drug dealer as he has memorized the recipe for the drugs he gave the ron Jeremy guy from the 1st film. also right after b0ning the chick after getting married the chick has a rapid pregnancy and expands to 9 months in a buncha minutes as the ki infused spurm is linked to ivans past self. oh and after becoming a famous dancer, the boys dad comes to find him after seeing his name and poster and wants him back as the boys fam missed him.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

The Graduate Review

note; I'm watching this for the 1st time and eating shaphgetii. theres gonna be typoes
the graduate
this is my review of the graduate
(60s ver)
was there any other vers?
ooh its by mgm
it starts wuth dustin Hoffman going somewhere to the song "hello darkness my old friend"
wasn't that an episode of sailor moon?
from the heart snatchers season?
in the canadian dub
then dustin talks to mr feeny from boy meets world about his worrys
so dustin won something and everyones proud of him
lets see how long that lasts
1 guy sez he should get into plastics for his future
nowadays he's be shown as evil
later hes in his room and this older chick comes in and chats
shes smoking which would make her the bad guy today
so dustin drives her home as her husband took her car
is that a ferrarri mustang?
at her place she gets him to stay with her until her husband gets home
they talk a bit and she sez she knew him all his life
sounds like trunks and pan from dbgt
dustin realizes shes trying to seduce him
if their ages were switched they';d make the guy look like a monster
also; 5kank!!
later she has him unzip her dress
why make clothes it takes too people to get in/out of?
he gets weirded out about her in her undies and tries to leave
she has him bring up her purse
man hes kinda wimpy
she traps him in a room with her and shes naked
this is how p0rn0es start
she sez he can b0ne her any time and he gets out
but her husband comes home and they chat
it might be from watching rain man too much but he seems kinda autistic
is revealed dustin is 20
but b4 the 5kank was said to be 2x his age
well, I sailor moon serena is 14 and darien is in his mid 20s
and in Yugioh joey is 16 and mai is in her mid 20s
and in dbgt pan is 15 and trunks is 25
but this is a bigger gap
so husband sez its ok to live wild and b0ne while hes young
that's how rock Hudson got the aids
or magic Johnson got aids
or Charlie sheen got the aids
5kank comes down and is wearing the dress
how'd she zip it up?
later its daytime and dustin Hoffman is in a scuba suit
we get a 1st person shot of him going in da pool
its a pool!!
you don't need a scuba suit!!
why is the main guy such a candya55!?
and  thought only modern moves started wieners
later he calls da 5kank to meet him at a hotel
don't do it!
she's probably b0ned dozens of younger guys
well, so did gacy...
after not doing much for quite a while he arrives and he books a room
man nothing happens in this film
its just people walkin around and waiting
eventually they get to the hotel room
they talk and get ready for like 8 minutes b4 b0ning offscreen
then they play the darkness friend song
then he's in a poo on a floating thing in the sun
nowadays that would be shown as bad
then theres a montage of them getting ready to b0ne
after they b0ned it plays simon and garfunkle
later mr feeny wants dustin Hoffman to go to graduate school
I don't know what that is
also dustin is getting lazy
then the 5kank and her husband come by and husband wants dustin to meet a girl
later hes shaving (I thought he was jewish) and his mom wants to know what hes been doing
later dustin wants to talk with the 5kank b4 b0ning
after some chatter I don't really pay attention to she don't want to talk about the girl the husband wants for dustin
she don't want competition
oh the the 5kanks daughter
that's ironic
she b0nes a younger man as she's tired of her husband
but fears someone doing that to her
what a b--ch
then she makes him feel bad for thinking about it
then she forces him to promice to not see her daughter
like how you promices to stay with your husband??
later the dad keeps pressuring dustin to date the daughter
later dustin ohdfing(hoff man) goes to the 5kanks house to meet the daughter cuz of his dad
and the 5kank is p-ssed
later he's driving the daughter hand sez he's not going to graduate school
they go to a str-p club and she don't like it
better turn her queer then
she cant take it and books it
so he follows and blames his parents
they kiss
later while eating burgers he sez hes felt like being a d-ck since graduating
sounds like hes possessed
later they stop by the hotel he b0ned her mom a lot at for some reason
and everyone knows him
later she asks if hes b0ning someones woman
he admits it
she goes off and later the 5kank is driving with dustin
she wants him to never talk to her daughrer again or shes gonna out them
yeah that'll make your daughter like u
admitting ur cheeting on her dad
look at what happened in degrassi high
so dustin comes out to the daughter and she's p-ssed
after driving around to music he tells his rents he wants to marry the daughter
but he hasn't told her
is this like in zoids how harry champ wants to marry leena?
then he goes around while thinking and the same song plays
he also drives over a bridge
is thisnew York or san fran sisco?
both are full of purvoes
look at law and order svu
more like new Sodom and new Gomorrah
he stops by a campus and talks to a guy
I think hes renting a room there
 he calls it Berkley
isn't that where those anti free speech protests happened?
how un-American
so then dustin stalks the daughter to musc
he even runs keeping up with a bus
what is he? the terminator?!
he meets daughter and they go to the zoo
by the monkey house he admits hes not a student and just sits in on classes
and they dont mind
guess they don't care whos mind they corrupt, as long as they can
then the daughter's bf coms by (a big buff blonde guy like bll rizer in contra)
later he confronts the daughter and she sez he raeped her mom
he tries to explain but she freaks out and screams
what a crazy b--ch
the guy he got the apartment from sez he wants dustin out
and almost calls da cops
if it were a guy in there screaming they'd be ok with it
but straight love is bad at college
she sez sorry for screaming and she don't want him to leave until he has a plan
she leaves
btw what happened with da 5kank?
shes not been in the film for like 20 mins
probably seducing more school boys
later daughter comes back and sez she wants to marry him
later he wants to get blood tests and birth certificates for marriage for some reason
is new York/California a socialist state and have all this big guv red tape for a simple marriage?!
then they talk about how she might not marry him for several days
later he gets home and the husband is there smoking a cigar
he is p-ssed at dustin Hoffman for b0ning his wife
then h4e takes out a switchblade and stabs him til his guts fall out
really he wants to have dustin hoffma arrested
oh and dustin sad his b0ning his woman was like shaking hands
he leaves and calls dustin a degenerate
and the guy who owns the apartment wants dustin out
dustin begs him for a dime to use the phone and offers 20$ for a dime
why would u pay for a phone in ur apartment?!
rich enough to own an apartment, not rich enough to afford ur own phone
he goes to see the daughter but she left a note saying shes dumping his a55
he goes to the 5kanks home and finds the 5kank who nearly gets the cops to come and arrest him for being a burgler
bearing false witness
he sez she cant stop him from seeing her and she offers him a drink
she's gonna drug it and when he wakes up he's not gonna have man parts
then he goes around looking for the church the daughter is getting married
his car bites it and he leaves it for the homies to strip dry
he gets to the church and bangs on the glass barrier on the 2nd floor at the daughters wedding
he goes down and fights the wedding guests off
he keeps em away with a big cross and seals em in by barring the door with the cross
they get on a bus and go off with the darkness friend song
the simpsons did that pretty close
and waynes world
the end
that was not bad
the music was nice
 and the colors were well done
even though pretty much nothing happens and its just people not doing anything and b0ning offscreen for 2 hours
but I enjoyed it
it feels ok
and if made today the malcontents would go mental over it
for the graduate 2 I want the dustin Hoffman and the daughter to be on the run from both families as they are hunted down and have assassins after em. dustin and the chick have to escape from the city and fight off homies paid to take em out. also its a 2 player beat em up on sega genesis super Nintendo and Gameboy advance with one player as dustin and one as the daughter. eventually they go on the attack and take out the family heads in epic combat and the final boss is the 5kank mom who seduced dustin who is using demon powers gotten from too much lust to fight with black ki.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Garfield The Movie Review

note; garlifeds and me r born in june. but that wont make me spell right
garfiend the movie
this is my review on Garfield da movie
I used to like the comics, tv shows and video games
well, the sega genesis one anyway
I used to get the Toronto sun on sundays just because it had the garfiend comics and the star didntso it starts with credits and the nly names I know are jenifer love heweit and bll murry
the film is live action but Garfield is cg
garfiend doesn't look too bad in here
so after garfiend gets jon up and speeds him through his showerhe switches food with him
then garfiend and nermal wait for da milk truck
nermal is really not like the books, shows or games
hes more like a dumba55 sidekick to big g
g uses nermal as an item to trigger a device get him someones milk
then g boy f's with a big black dog
is that brad garret?!
trypticon from transformers?!
Garfield vs trypicon
although Daniel and wheelie beat him in the headmasters series
g boy then ignores a mouse and jon chases it out
but g boy chats with the mouse and they fake garfiend eating him
btw i think the mouse is a homie
later jon brngs home lasagna and don't want g boy tp eat it
yeah that'll go well
meanwhile this tv loser is sick of working with cats and wants a dog
after g boy eats 4 plates of lasagna jon brings him to the vet played byu jenifer love hewwit from I know what you did last summer
Garfield vs I know wat you did last summer
although the Halloween thing with that 110 year old cabin boy and the ghosts and cr-p was kinda freeky
huh, the guy who was jon was in freddys dead the final nightmare, clueless and road trip
I liked those
he was also in the craft, escape from LA, and played teen joseph gribble in king of the hill
and hes the son or something in designated survivor
huh, nick cannon was the mouse
he married Mariah carry and got her fat and pregnant
so da vet gives jon odie (which I think means odin) as he cant make it if hes in a cage
in the manga it was jons room mate who had odie
then was never seen again
btw odie is live action
as is nermal
and jon is gay for the vet
garfiend don't like odie
nermal (who seems kinda slow) chats with g boy about it
as usual, odie is a dumba55
but hes a dog so it fits
later garfiend tries the milk device on odie but gets caught in it
g boy chases odie but the bog black dog gets him
but odie saves him by making out with the black dogs neck
Arlene (g boys gf) and nermal see it and say odies a hero
later Garfield is dancing to black guy music and odie keeps him
so g boy fights back
in a clean tv y7 way
which turns into a dance
the dance goes outside and Arlene and nermal see
g boy tries to play innocent
I think in the real version they were b0ning
jon takes odie on a date with the vet
gafield chases, catches up to, and gets in the back of the pickup trick
yeah I don't think that's possible for a fata55 like big g
also the director of this also did
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (I liked that one)
The Borrowers (I liked it)
Thunderpants (never saw but I hear its surprisingly good_
Zoom (It was pretty good)
Home Alone: The Holiday Heist (good f--k no)
so they go to some fair and at the dog show all the dogs go after big g
he hides in a fat chicks dress and she runs and busts through everything
while he escapes the dogs, odie dances at the dog show uninvited and wins everyones hearts
and the contest
the tv loswr likes odie and is at the show
they return home with Garfield hiding under da car saying; never leave the cul de sac
wtf is a cul de sac?!
sounds dirty
g boy goes in, hits something, and it triggers the whole place to f apart
what a cr-ppily put together place
one small thing knocked everything over
jon kicks Garfield out for the night
so he sings
is this the sad moment of the film?
I hate how every movie needs a tacked on sad moment
odie comes out to comfort garfiend but he slips back in and locks odie out
why didn't garfiend just come back in that way(the doggy door)??
odie chases cars and winds up with some geezer chick
the tv loser wants a dog for his act and notices the wanted posters for odie
later the vet is a small red dress comes by for a date with jon
and unlike the mANGa, shes into him
he eventually tells her odies gone and they go to look for him
the tv loser gets odie from the geezer
the neiborhood pets blame Garfield for odie going away
tv loser plays odie dancing in german clothes and is going to new York new Sodom today
g boy tries to get jons attention but he cant speak cat and misses it
he tries to go out but is too fat and lazy to make it past the driveway
yet b4 he chased and caught a car
so he goes off again
jon notices hes gone
in the city a swarm of rats comes to eat Garfield
but nick cannon the mouse defends g boy
n c mouse helps Garfield find the tv studio and past the street
why not do a frogger thing like in Seinfeld?
the Garfield goes up the ac in the building and the operators turn it on after noticing him on the rad
da vet and jon are out they notices a dog found poster from the geezer chick
garfiend finds odie and says sorry
but the tv loser comes in with a shock coller and uses it to make odie flip
the movie tries to make this look bad
yet in Yugioh gx they had electrodes shocking card game players who took damage
garfiend goes after odie but falls outta the building after stairs surfing on a tray
he lands in a truck of lasagna but animal control catches him
they're gonna neuter him!!
jon and vet see the geezer but she sez she gave odie to the tv loser
in da pound garfiend meets a fruity cat who was tv losers last act
he admits odie is his friend and hes a cat trying to save a dog
a little girl comes in to adopt a cat
she chooses the fruity one and he hits a switch that lets all the animals out so Garfield can save odie
why was there that button?
why was it in the open?
and how'd da dogs and cats get out of the building?
were there no doors closed?
so g boy makes it to the train station
wait, howd he now where to go??
garfiend finds the train controls and f's around to cause the trains to not go by making trains go to crash
then makes all trains stop
he f'd everyone to save 1 dog
jon and vet get there and know odie is on it
and somehow he knows g boy is on it too
g boy saves odie and they hug
as they leave the tv loser sees em and chases em
btw he hates lasagna
he catches up to em and traps em by knockin over a small box to stop their escape
why don't they jump over it?
its not as high as the chair they jumped on b4
Garfield fight him but is beat
so a buncha animals from the film b4 get him
I think they b0ned him as its silhouette
they somehow put a shock coller on him w/o thumbs and leave
then garfiend shocks him
jon comes in and slugs him out
in the books jon gets his candy a55 kicked often
the news reports it and has tv loser blamed for everything
and Garfield and odie are seen as heroes
nermal and Arlene see it
at home jon and vet kiss and watch a movie on the couch
that would never happen in the books
good thing Garfield fans aint as disgruntled as dbz fans
hen Garfield dances
then credits to b/w stills of g boy
btw joe ochman had a small part in here I didn't notice
he was in mon colle knights and iron monkey
the end
that wasn't so bad
its a clean simple lite film
yeah it changed stuff but it didn't ruin anything
better than the marmaduke movie
marma ball evolution
but this was fun
i iked it
its not trying to be gone with the wind
and its only like 80 mins
for Garfield the movie 2 i want odie to have some medical issue and, wait, make that Garfield. and e has to be surgically connected to jon for several weeks to recover. also jon got the vet pregnant and shes really fatten up like with Mariah carry but wayyyyy huger. and Garfield being connected to jon lets them understand eachother and he's disturbed by all the smata5 comments garfiend has about him.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Stranger On The Third Floor Review

note; this movies only an hour long but I might expand on it
stranger on the third floor
this is my review on stranger on the 3rd floor
I never saw it b4 but I hear its good
its got peter lorre and Elisha cook jr
its by rko who did some good cr-p
it starts right a title and credits of a shadow smoking
after dat a chick holds a seat at a restorant for a guy
he comes in and they talk about how he got a 12 $ raise
even today that's a lot
oh hes a reporter
and he wants to marry her
well, that's the end of them
oh he got a guy arrested with his story
and hes a reporter
later guys chat while playing cards and smoking
how 40s
main guy comes in and his reoperter homies congraduate him on his story
we get a flashback of him on the stand fingering the accused
the victim was throat cut with blood pouring out
if made today we'd see it
also the killed guy was a d-ck to the accused
the lawyer asks if hes sure if its the same guy who was d-cked who ran out of the place
he sez yes
but he didn't actually see him chopping up the guy
wait I don't think its a flash back
an examiner sez the head was nearly removed
the accused sed he went there to replay the guy ad found him iced
1 juror was sleeping cuz he was up all night with a toothache
better than a buttache!!
also the accused held up a gas station as a kid for 5$
he breaks down saying he didn't ice the guy
main guys woman thinks the accused is innocent
she goes home and main guy goes drinking with a homie
how 40s
hes worried of the guy being innocent and getting da chair
but his home sez; so what?
later the accused is found guilty
he freaks out and sez to main guy hes innocent
then the camera moves to a statue of justice like in a silent film
later his woman is malcontent over the trial
main guy worries about if he was guilty and how the diner the man was chopped up in just repainted the sign and people are ok eating in it
how 40s
now the place would be ten down and ruined forever
so main guy goes home hating his snoring neighbor nextdoor
later his neighbors come in and b--ch about him using a typewriter at 10 pm
later hes going to bed bt sees peter lorre skulking around
he confronts him but lorre runs
so he chases him
but lorre gets away somehow
on the way back he notices the neighbor isn't snoring
he nearly goes I but remembers fingerprints from the trial and don't touch the knob
he thinks about how the accused said he'd ice the guy
and how main guy never said anything like that about the neighbor
then remembers how he did
he thinks how its just talk
like how I tell cannibal jokes while not wanting to eat people
or pedo jokes when I don't wanna seduce kids
or inbreeding jokes when I don't wanna inbreed
btw b4 remembering he was playing with a knife
that's smart
then he remembers another time where his woman came over
then the land lady and neighbor come in b--ching about him having a woman in there
they wernt b0ning
would they prefer he was with a big black guy?
like in degrassi next gen??
he threatens the neighbor who was only trying to save him from crotch diseases
he throws em out
also he sez da neighbor was spying on him
as they leave he looks at em
they talk about getting married
well, that's the end of them
then they smooch
man we're over half way in
he has a fantasy about him being found guilty of icing his neighbor
just like how the accused was found guilty
theres good german expressionism in it
like the woman screaming as twisted buildings behind her are panted on
its kinda over the top
good lighting and cr-p
light and shadow
but the acting is kinda extreme
the jury doesn't hear him as they aint listening and after hes found guilty he sees peter lorre
the accused guy from b4 mocks main guy for not listening to him
he then is gonna get da chain and neighbor mocks him
but main guy freaks out saying; hes alive!!
then he wakes up and is glad the guy is alive
then notices theres no snoring
he goes over and finds him icd
he packs up and gets ready to skip town
he has his woman bring him cash but she tries to get him to not flee
he realizes the neighbor was iced the same way the 1st vc was
to the same guy iced em both
could be a copycat
so he sez if he proves it they might free the accused
he calls the cops and tells em
they go to see a judge at night
judge calls the peter lorre "queer looking"
we'll, in the maltese falcon...
also he tells the judge both guys might be iced by the same guy
judge points out both were discovered by main guy
later main guy calls his woman saying hes arrested and they cant find peter lorre
she asks around about peter lorre
but no one saw him
she stops by a place and peter lorre stops by and wants raw hamburgers w/o buns, in a bag
he gives he to a dog who follows him
he seems nice
but in real life, people who love animals often hate people
look at peta
or hitler
she walks and chats with him and he gets paranoid
he was in the nut house and ears going back
he sez he had to ice the guy who would sent him back
she tries to go in a building but the building owner sez no
then lorre gets creepy
she freaks out and bangs on the door that just rejected her
he grabs her but she gets outta her coat and runs
he chases and gets run over
she tells em he sed he iced em
he admits to it and bites it
later main guy is gonna get married at city hall to the chick
but hats not a real marriage
if I go to a judge and have him sign a paper instead of being baptized, is it the same?
and the accused guy is out and driving a cab or something
the end
that was pretty good
nice german expressionism
good edgy dark cr-p
good acting
and good twists
peter lorre isn't in here much
but it feels like a good silent film
good camera and visuals
I liked this
for stranger on the third floor 2 I want for peter lorre to have survived and his damaged body is given to nikola tesla for experiments. they graft animal parts to it and rebuild him. he powers up and uses his enhanced strength to break out and go around attacking people who he thinks aint nice to animals. he also eats them as the animal parts are affecting his mind. also some animal parts arte from males and some from females so he winds up getting himself pregnant and the dna mixes to creatre mini peter lorre chimera monsters that when unleashed go around eating people alive. also its a 16 bit sega genesis, super Nintendo and Gameboy advance game where you play as lorre and go around eating people And saving animals (who are actually the bad guys as they attack people) and getting the pregnant with your mixed animal ki blasts to make them turn full of your offspring.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Judge Dredd Review

Note; diss moovy iz 90z so I spell 90z, homie
judge dredd
this is my review on judge dredd (da 90s one)
its got Sylvester Stallone, Rob Schneider and Max Von Syndow
Most of these actors get bad reviews
when this came out everyone hated it
plus the video game was hated
its directed by danny cannon who did I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
its based on a comic from gaye olde englande by some malcontent who didn't like Margret thatcher
after some logos and comic book panels we get text explaining da backstory
so at the start of the 3rd millennium (what?? I don't know what dat is) da planet got f'd up and became a fist of the north star wasteland for some reason
so people crowded into mega cities and things got outta control with too much crime
wait, is that a jab at foreigners?
so after the law collapsed a new law and order thing happened
they gave normal people the power of judge, jury and executioner and let them loose on the violence jack cities
they were called... judges
how original
so now its the year 2139 according to imdb and rob schniedr gets outta jail
after flying through the mega city he lands in a riot in the slums
he goes to an apartment and its full of gun toting homies
the homies open fire on the riot below
then the judges arrive
Hershey and brisco
wait, brisco?
like law and order?
you know briscoes nephew played by his son chris orbach did anime
and a few p0rn0 animes
then judge dredd comes in and tells e to stop
the homies open fire but dredd knows hes outta range of their guns
btw dredds armor looks really plastic
I love it
so the judges go up and shred some homies
but brisco bites it
so dredd shreds em
with his bad a55 gun
he reads the charges to the guy who iced brisco and wastes him when e attacks dredd
Hershey is bummed brisco bit it but dredd don't care
then dredd gets schnider out of a food robot
he hid in it to avoid the homies but gets 5 years for tampering with a robot
dredds coldd
later the head judges talk about how crime is getting to much for em
jurgen pronchow wants to expand executions
later a reporter does a hate piece on dredd
like dat morgan spurlock commie on mcdonalds
dredd takes off his helmet and we see his face which never happens in da book
he chats with max von syndow who taught him how to judge
now 2 days a week at the academy dredd teaches ethics
meanwhile, in aspen prison, some guy goes in and talks (oh its the warden) to the bad guy of the film in his isolation cel
the bad guy (named rico like in starship troopers) icede too many innocent people
rico got a package from some guy
the package turns into a laser and rico gets warden through the throat buit it don't affect his spine
the autoguns wack him as it don't recognize his voice
then rico takes out da guards
later dredd is giving a class to the cadets
he tells em how da law is important and how they're doomed even if they live
also after retiring, judges go out into da wastelandz to do justice to the mad max warriors
later dredd chats with Hershey and hes kinda gloomy and shes more upbeat
dredd used to have a friend but judged him
so I guess that's it for friends ever for him right?
I played a sega game, but it was hard. so that's it
later rico gets back in the megacity by faking being a body
why'd they bring bodies back?
are they gonna make soylent green?!
well, Schneider's robot did mention... RECYCLED FOOD!!!
so rico picks up a package at a used shop and its a judge blaster
he ices the shop owner and gets a big a55 robot that looks realy epic
later the reporter is gonna air a thing that can bring down the council
but a judge comes in and shreds him
btw, if the council goes down, wont society crumble and go back to mad max?
I mean look what happened when oh bba mma took down gadaffy
the people went nuts and it turned into cave man times
people b0ning and wacking eachother non stop
its like freekin violence jack!
later Hershey handles a drunk driver
hes pretty brash and boastful
so dredd blows his car
why is he so brash to a judge?!
they was ice you no sweat
btw dredds catch phrase is; I knew u'd say dat!
how 90s
its like in sonic or something
then judge gets arrested for murder
he asks for Hershey to be his lawyer
they're lawyers too?!
at trial they have video they loop of the reporter getting iced and saying; dredd! no!!
but the video is low def and the uniform can be faked
in the 2130s they have low def video?
but in da 2010s we have 4k
the video is thrown out
but the secret evidence sez the judge blaster works by marking bullets with the dna of the judge
and Hershey had no info on it
btw the dna is scanned by the hand grip
but I thought they wore gloves
the bullets in da reporter match dredd
dredd; its a lie! I never broke da law! I am da law!!!
that's lol
totally what I want a guy who decides who gets to live to say
so jurgen offen I mean pronchow sez if max von syndow retires, his last wish can be done
also something about dreed and another guy both being killers
and a secret project needing to stay secret
so dredd gets the chair but max von syndow reties and has them give him life in prison
then he goes to the wasteland
Hershey gets a baby picture of dredd from his locker
rick chats with jurgen about how jurgens plans working
syndow is out, dredds out and the reporters in h-ll
later the jet going to prison with inmates on it has Schneider and dredd next to eachother
but he was sentenced just...
is this only a day or 2 later?!
they argue
dredd sez hes here for a mistake
rob sez he is too but dredd sez the law don't make em
Schneider sez; how'd u get here then?
its like dredds a liberal with dat logic
a homie tries to knife dredd but some rednecks take out the jet
later Hershey tries to find out who the man in this photo with dredd is but her comp is shut down by da gov
kinda like Nintendo bricking your machine for ding something they don't want
or levi's burning your jeans when you sew your name in em
later the rescue team finds dredds gone
so jurgen has them execute the pilot to say no one survived
so the red necks caught dredd and Schneider
one is a cyborg with really good effects
it looks real
also he has a dial on his head that controls mood
Schneider fakes being Christian to get em to like him
I thought he was jewish
but it turns out the rednecks are cannibals
that's racist
so dred gets out and takes out the red necks
and turns off the cyborg
then the recue team comes in and dred ices em
one survived but syndow saves him
then the cyborg has turned back on somehow and shanks syndow
yeah that makes sense
dredd ices him by frying him with electricity on a power chord on his metal spine
meanwhile, Hershey and some nerd find dredds baby picture is fake
by removing artificial pixels they see he was really in a lab and the parents were added in
that's not how it works
the picture was printed out
then scanned in to remove the pixels
its like it I took a picture of people behind a sign and moved the sign after it was developed
as syndow is biting it he laments on how things got f'd
40 years ago dna was taken and his was a best
it was modified to be perfect
and dredds whole life was a lie
also rico is his brother
dredd realizes rico is alive as his dna is da same as dredds
and syndows order to execute rico was ignored
the syndow bites it
also there was a big statue of justice in the rednecks place for some reason
dredd didn't know anything about it
yet then he has an epic moment looking at it
meanwhile, jurgen and rico and rico's lawyer who sed he was nuts to get him off (didn't work) return to the dna project
they're dooin it to bring order to society
so are they liberals?
doing bad to try to do their version of good?
the project files are locked away
so jurgen has traps set up thast waste lotsa judges
riots are breaking out without judges to patrol the city
and if they get all untrained cadets out it wont be up to full power for a while
so jurgen offen has em unlock the project files to engineer a new batch of judges and grow em in cyber tubes
but how will they know anything?
they were born yesterday!
dredd needed to go to the academy!
later dredd and rob try to go in to the city by going in a tube that blasts flame every 30 seconds
I think Yugioh 5ds ripped that off
and that episode was directed by Masaharu Tomoda who also did the ova of nami sos
b4 they go, Schneider b--ches about dredd ruining him
and wants him to apologize
but dredd sez he never does
they run through it and dredd opens a hole in da floor to let em escape the fireblast
later dredd and Schneider knock out a judge and dredd takes off his clothes
rob thinks dredds gonna b0ne him
jurgen finds they can grow a new group in 8 hours
when the council rejects the idea he has rico waste em
dredd goes in and finds rico
then a gun fight and he and rob escape on a hoverbike by shooting through a wall and driving out the building
theres a pretty cool chase where dredd drives and rob shoots
the effects look like jingle all the way with the turbo man fight at the end
later they stop by hersheys place and she holds him at gunpoint
only to drop it and trust dredd after an offscreen talk
also its been 48 hours of judges biting it and rico put his dna in the machine to make clone judges
working together they realize the base is under the statue of liberty (also it was moved b4)
jurgen finds out about rico's dna and tries to stop him
but the big a55 robot grabs him and removes his arms/legs offscreen
the trio comes in the statue but the big a55 robot comes in
he caps rob Schneider and grabs Hershey
dredd drops his gun when rico is gnna order big a55 robot to snap hersheys neck and they go to the chamber
rico reveals his master plan and wants dredd to join him
they have some back and forth and dredd don't consent to rico
so rico sends his big a55 robot after dredd
but rob schneider saves them by f ing with the robot
rico orders the clones to acitivate but theyre only 60%
the rico lawyer fights Hershey and dredd ices the clones offscreen
the place starts going f'd and blowing
rico fights dredd in da head of the stature of liberty
dredd gets knocked out and rick is gonna ice him
he charges him with cr-p ad tries to cap him
but the guns outta ammo
dredd grabs da gun, makes it fire a flare, and sends rico outta the statue
the rico lawyer is gonna ice dredd but Hershey wastes her
the next day dredds forgiven and the truth got out about the project
they want him to be chief justice but he just goes out on his motor bike to regular work
oh and rob schneiders still alve and they are still low on judges and the council is in h-ll
the end
honestly, that was entertaining
I liked it
good 90s action
yeah its not accurate to the comic
but its still cool
I enjoyed it
its not trying to be gone with the wind or birth of a nation
and both were changed from the books they were based on
yeah it could've been better but its not awful as it is
for demolition man I mean judge dredd 2 I want the megacity to be in ruins from not enough judges and too much crime. even dredd cant handle all these malcontents b0ning and eating eachother and tearing up the city's a55. the new council made of judges who were the next best after dredd says they gotta do rico's plan of making clones of new judges to replace the forces. but rico is still around as he survived the fal by landing just right and busting his legs. also he's genetically superior and can take more damage. he comes back with a centipede lower half and cyber arms that are made of the judge guns. also its a 2d run and gun game where you play as dredd and go around shredding crooks while sometimes having a vehicle or rocket pack level and its on n64, sega Saturn and playstation 1