Saturday, March 3, 2018

Gandhi Review

note; I spell bad but better than telemarketers talk
this is my review on ghandi
its directed by the geezer from jerassic park 01 amnd 02
saw it b4 but not much
its widescreen
after some credits we get texts saying how great some guy was
so in India some people are walking for several minutes
and the music sounds like 60s drug music
but less fun
then this guy caps a geezer
I thought that was at the end of it
so turns out the geezer was some hobo named ghandi
and everyone loved him for some reason
he lead his country to freedom
the news guy gushes over him for like 3 mins
then its southern Africa 1893
this is seeming an awful lot like Lawrence of arabia
so this guy on the train asks a worked about h-ll
the train people don't like him for his race
nowadays its backwards
and the whites are hated
so he argues with em and they throw him out
its ghandi
he's gonna snap and start choppin em up
man south Africa was kind of a h-ll hole back then
it kinda is
maybe worse
later he finds Indians aint allowed to co exist with Christians in Africa
he gets disgruntled
he supports the brittish empire and wants everyone to be equal and free
but in England the regent is superior in rights, freedoms and status due to birth
so ghandi has a protest and not many show up
and he decides to only use peaceful protest
nowadays many protests are by violent malcontent haters like on universities fighting free speech
so he burns his hall pass or w/e in protest
but the brits say the passes are gov property and he's gonna arrest those who burn em
spoiler; in soviet Canada license plates are "crown property" and can be confiscated by the gov for any reason
so a guy (I think ghandi) burns more passes and gets his a55 whipped
later hes back with his fam and his kids are happy to see him
later hes walking and talking with a guy about hot Jesus did a lot of good and some guyd on the street don't like his race
but their mom makes em leave
later martin sheen wants to meet ghandi and is warned by a lawyer about him
aw gay
sheen works for the new York times
there goes my view on his character
more like new Sodom
ghandi says some quotes to try to get sheen on his side
theres also people cleaning the cr-pper
why clean it?
its where cr-p goes!
later ghandis mom or wife or w/e don't wanna do toilet work as she sees it as low status
sounds pretty brittish
because she don't wanna clean the cr-pper, ghandi kicks her fat a55 out
ur supposed to love ur wife, for better or worse forever
not; until she gets b--chy
they reconcile
and she does the cr-p work
just poop in the ocean
whales do it
later ghadi has a meeting about new laws
also only Christian marriages count as real
but they are real
if I go to court and have a judge sign a paper to count for confession or communion its not real
also the brits can come in to india homes and b0ne their wifes
I think braveheart had that too
the crowd wants to waste anyone they don't like
but ghandi has em not fight back with violence
and as the brits beat them dead and b0ne the bodies; they'll see hoe bad they are
umm... I don't think that's how it works
if someones beating on you he's not gonna stop when he sees ur not defending urself
he's gonna beat u dead
if a bear is chewin yo a55, he's not gonna stop cuz he sees u as weaker than him
so ghandi gets em to think all different religions worship the same god
spoiler they don't
and they have peaceful protests to stop the evil brits
wait; its a strike
they want convicted workers freed from jail and wont work until its done
so if all poles went on strike to free gacy it would be good?
the cops come in on horseback as its the 1800s (around the time of bram stokers Dracula)
so the strikers lie on the floor til they leave
the work boss sez let em march and in time, he'd win
later a priest in church sez ghandi is protesting a unjust law
and Christians should stand against injustice
nowadays when Christians do that they're call haters
later the gov is splitting and ghandis woman is arrested with others
btw they keep calling people "Sammy"
in ww1 that's what the frenchies called americans (cuz of uncle sam)
and we called em frogs (cuz they eat em)
b4 dat frogs were Dutchmen as they lived in marshes and bogs
later ghandi meets with the ruler of the area
they release the prisoners
later its india in 1915
he supports the war as he likes being protected by the brittish empire
to quote Benjamin franklin; those who give up a bit of freedom for security deserve neither
also his woman was freed from prison
and ghandi is being rode around in a horse drawn carriage
huh, its been 200 years since an indian went against englnd
as he rides through the city its full of poors
on meets sez its good to ice those who oppress you
and he is gonna be on trial for incitement to murder
sounds right
also a guy sez the brits are trying to split the Indians by religion and status and cr-p
later ghandi goes by train and shaved his head
seez how awful the people there live
while on a train a guy (I think da priest) goes on da roof for some reason
one indian sez he knows a Christian who drinks blood
he means the body and blood of communion
then they go through a tunnel
later theres a meeting for some india thing
oh india might be freed from brittish rule
ghandoi wants to unite them to face the overlords
I should mention that Winston Churchill hated ghanid and wanted an elephant to step on him
later ghandi chats with some homies and has a Mohawk
later ghandi comes to some place by steam engine and theres hundreds of people there
the brits wanna arrest him w/o charge but he talks his way outta it
sounds like England
maybe france
he meets some poors who sez the market has changed and they have a recession
but still got rent
later ghandi gets arrested I think
but the people revolt
the priest sees ghandi but has to go to Calcutta
he goes on trial and grants him bail
but he wont pay so they let him go free until a decision is made on his sentence
some college boys come by from caimbridge and he wants em to record everything
man we're over an hour in
that didn't feel like much
this got good pacing
the brits and p-ssed this hobo is winning the fight against them
like when rob ford won Toronto's mayor
so ghandi meets his resistance homies and they talk aboit how to beet da brits
also ghandi is doing servent work like cleaning the table
and don't want to ice the brits, but win them over
sounds like Yuma from Yugioh zexal
they call him mahatma which to them means great soul
but in Japanese ma means magic or demon
so india goes on strike
without those they rule and depend on, they are helpless
like with chi na making iphones for America
and cr-p for Walmart
and people dependant on phones for everything
so theres riots and they're wacking the civilian britz
ghandi sez india might not be ready for freedom
so the brits mobilize as civilians were killed and send soldiers in
but the Indians say now to be non violent
little late for that
so the brits open fire on em
the movie makes it look bad
the soldier who ordered it sed he did it to send a lesson
hes charged for icing women and kids
then we get intermission
so the brits negotiate with ghandi for india being freed
later the brits say they wont arrest ghandi as if he bites it, he'd be a martyr and be more popular
kinda like in batman returns how penguin and catwoman tried to ruin batman
later he sez the religions need to get along
ad the class system needs to go
I just realized there were probably a lot of Indians who sided with the brits and were double agents
he also sez to burn their clothes and go around in a diaper or w/e
which they do
later this white chick comes by and ghandi gave her a new name
is she a hippy?
oh and the religions are fighting eachother for some reason
and the brits have martial law to keep things under control
later the Indians protest at night with torches and racial hate
the brits hassle em and beat em
its other Indians
so this is like a gang war in l a or Detroit right?
holy cr-p theyre torching buildings
and they did this w/o the brits involvement
all on their own
they then start beating and chopping up people
so its just like those university malcontents
claiming to fight hate but really being the real haters
ghandi knows better than the left and sez if they get freedom by murder he don't want it
although America won its freedom that way and we're doing well
so ghandi wants to go on a fast to make people stop killing eachother
later he's puking
is he bulimic??
the white chick gives ghandi water and lemon juice
the violence almost fully stopped
but hes gonna keep fasting til its stopped fully
I just had the worst thought
what if to keep ghandi from biting it to stop hi from becoming a martyr, the brits captured him and gave him rectal force feeding?
that's pretty f'd
1 of his homies seZ the people want him to end his fasting
later ghandi is arrested for sedition
seducing brits?
is he French?
so he's charged with trying to overthrow the gov
but he sez its worse to follow bad laws
hear that Canada?!
and Australia!?
and Europe?!
candy a55 countries!!
ghandi gets 06 years in prison
but it might be reduced later
years later he got out and went around wanting free india
they say Churchill hated him
martin sheen chats with a guy about meeting him
later sheen and someone else watch ghandi doing some weird counting steps ritual with his wife
oh they were reenacting their marriage
married at 13
now b0ning a 17 year old counts as child mo les ting
so if theres a 17 year old child, am I a 30 year old teen?
well the guy from ferris bueler was 30 when he played the best friend so yeah
so ghandi chats with sheen for a while
man we're 2 hours in
so ghandi has a rebellion by making salt w/o a gov liscence
the brits say; let him do it
they're pretty cocky
so after the salting ghandi gets more fame
and he brits wanna stop him
this is turning into a tom and jerry cartoon
so the indian cops attack Indians and arrest over 90 000
so I was checking twitter over my gf tweeting peter kelamis and ian james corlett and in that time the brits beat up many Indians and ghandi was arrested and released
later ghandi goes to speak against war and the brits refuse him the right to free speech
even today England has not free speech
and he's arrested
one of his homies joined the brits for the right to speek
and hes turning india against itself by religion
he gives an interview with a blonde
the blonde interviews ghandis wife and she sez they stopped b0ning long ago
then she bites it
too bad
I wanted her to be in the sequel with her icing anyone associated with the guy who iced ghandi
later his homie compares the Indians there are more of to the brits and his religion as slaves
in America we have catholics and the bad ones and we mostly get along
not in Ireland though
the brits ruined that too bad
so they're gonna split up india by religion
and the people want ghandies homie iced for it
also ghandies grand nieces are helping him dress like a mad max character(the rope covering like a wanderer)
he's gonna meet his homie but his people don't want it
he meets em and wants his homie to lead india
but one religion fears ghandies giving too much away
his homies asks of he wants india and the other one free?
or civil war?
so they split india
when America tried splitting the Yankees went to war and thousands were killed
here they split to avoid going to war
its like in soviet Russia jokes
in north America; you hate ovechkin
in soviet union; ovechkin hate you!
so in the split people are uprooted from their homes and forced to migrate long distances across h-llish mad max wastelands
and everyones killing eachother
i'm not normally in favor of the brits
but maybe they were the lesser or 2 evils here
at least then the people were under control
now theyre just chopping eachother up
so ghandi goes to Calcutta
but the people are killing eachother
and he's staying in the home of one of the group that killed some people
later theres another riot and the military caps em
then ghandi is in the paper for fasting and the new prime minister goes to see him
later after fasting more foir peace his pulse and kidneys start f ing out
so is he basically threatening suicide if they don't do what he says?
his prime minister homie tries to get him to stop fasting but he wants to fast until they all stop fighting forever
yeah that's realistic
that assumes everyone loves him
even Margret thatcher had haters
and pope john paul 2
an cant forget Ronald Reagan
the trio who beat the soviets
so people say they wont fight
1 disgruntled guy wants to save ghandi cuz he thinks he's going to h-ll for busting a kids had on a wall
holy f that's sick
still better than what many unborn go through
he did it cuz they iced his son
so he iced one of their kids
ghandi sez only God says who goes to h-ll
to be fair; we kinda choose our path by our actions
its like driving down the road and choosing to stay on it or go off a cliff
so quit j-rkin off!!
so eventually the fighting stops
and he chooses to eat
so ghandi has the blonde take some photos
he goes out and te white chick chats with the blonde about how ghandi save the things
so is she his 2nd wife or something?
then he gets capped like how the movie started
just like in Lawrence of arabia, citizen kane, and Valentino, the movie ends where it began
with the main guy biting it
we get words from him about standing for peace
they pour his ashes in the river
the end
Candice Bergen was some chick
ooh, nigel hawthorne was in this
he was in plague dogs and demolition man
that was actually pretty good
I like historical films and this was well done
it didn't feel like 3 hours
just like with birth of a nation and gone with the wind
lol john boxer was in the credits
but I thought it said john b0ner
I liked this and it had good storytelling, pacing and lighting
the color and flow was good and the acting was nice
Richard Attenborough did great on it and I find it well crafted
for Gandhi 2 I want for india to be tearing itself apart with riots and mass b0ning people dead over ghandies end. in the chaos, the brits swoop in and reoppress the country. with india under brittish rule they for the people to live harsher than ever with forced amputations and public skinnings to disturb the people into obeying. some Indians escape to japan and ask for help and japan sends samurai and ninja to lead uprisings against the brits to win freedom. but in the epilogue, it shows they devolved into even worse riots and chopping eachother up so japan pulls out and leaves them to themselves. its also a 16 bit sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar game where you play as either ninja or samurai and goon missions to counter the brits by delivering messages or taking out anyone who saw you.

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