Friday, October 30, 2020

The Brain Eaters Review

 Note: I spell like y brain eas eated

Ther Brain Eaters

This is my review on The Brain Eaters from 1958

Its not based on a book The Pupper Masters, but was close enough to be sued by it

its directed by Bruno VeSota who did stuff in The Wasp Woman, Attack of the Giant Leeches and was in Bonanza

It stars Ed Nelson (:ike Emma Nelson from  Degrassi?) from Teenage Caveman, Joanna Lee from Plan 9 From Outer Space, and Leonard Nimoy from Star Trek when it was good

Its producerd by Roger Corman who's always entertaining

It starts with a narrator saying Riverdalre Illinois was a good place until a few weeks ago

then a guy bumps into another guy, they fight, and this glass thing 1 guy dropped oozes into the sewer

then title and credits with spooky effects of long bug legs

i never saw this b4 btw but some say it s-cked

btw, riverdale? like Archie??

sio then a day later this guy and his future wife were heading to town and stop for some reason and walk for a while

they find plattered cats and a metal cone with a hole in it

2 days later, dda gov looks into aliens and say da cone is 50 feet tall and they can''t figger it oot or bust through it

oh and a few citizens got iced and da gov guys choose to go to to check it out themselves instread of sening dudes to look for em and get iced

and 1 gov gyuy wants to make sure this other guy dont win from ity and wants to disprove the space cone thing

in there the mayors son sez the mayor vanished and others did too and got iced

in town is a guy holding a glowing thing and  looking suuspect

the area is sealed off and gov guy gets there and wants to go up the cone to see how it is and get the guys movibg on eamining it

gov guy sez he heard there were markkings that vanished and head science nerd sez its impossible and the cone is indestructable

at night nerd shoots a gun in it but it rebounds a bit and anything they put in, comes back out

1 guy goes in da hole with a gun and crawls around like a centipede through a mans a55 pipes

later its day and neard comes back out and sez  its ust tunneling inside

then the mayor reappears and struggles to not blow hios brains out

he puts da gun away as the gov guy and son come up andhe sez he left a message but no one knows of it

mayor wants to exile peope from town but when gov guy sez this is America, the mayor snaps and pulls a gun

nerd sees something on the back of mayors neck and mayor pistol whips a guy, spazzes out, fires at the flooe, cops fire on him, and he spazzes out of the room but gets capped by another cop

they autopsy him and find the thing on his neck was linked to his nevrous system and iit pooped out acid into him when crushed andd it f'd out his neervous system

so if they equip to someeone, it wacks em if they get it off

they say to keep it quiet and 1 cop drives off and finds a body in da road that comes to life and fights him

after beating him out, body annd glowing holding guy b0ne him or something as its offscreen and he comes to but zombified

meanwhile, nerd dissects the thing on the mayor andits got a reflex thing where it moves after being iced

1 piece of thhe thing comees to life and equips onti his arm but he gets it off with a fire burner

then he gets a call from a guy who has a plan and when they go to the place to meet, the roadblock signs are gone as are da guards

jinkies, what a mystery!

at da  meeting place by the cone, a  guy sez the cone is  just a used fuel section of a rokket and the other thing is in spaace or w/w

nerd sez the things are parasites and need to feed off stuff to live

like the symbyote from Spider Man

and they can think and take over people and tried animals b4 but it was f''d

thee gang gets looking for other cone parts and when they call thee cop who got b0ned, he's spaazzing out over his bring controlled as if fighting it

ater not getting an answer from cop, they decide to call for help and call a civil defense drill to cover it to keep da people from going nuts

they decide to split uop in groups to find the other cone parts and meet at city hall

they look all day i think as the sun was up in some shots and its night and nerd finds a guy who was iced and has neck holes and they escape to a cabin

in there da door closes and lox andcatches fire

he busts a window and outside are controlleed guys but he shoots em off and they escape

they reggroup and say the state millita  they called didnt getta answer and they find a jar the paraites were in that mayor mccheeze was gonna spread around town

gov guy tells a telegraph guy to give a message to call him but the telegrapph guy is controlled

is this a thing on communism?

how it infects humans and turns em commie into mindless slaves to to bad guys without free will or independant thought?

so then while someones slleeping, glow holder drops a parasitte in this chicks room annd we get a cool POV shot of it going to her

Its Baily Kippers, POV! His actor died of, HIV!

she comes down and drives with the guys

nerd comes up and finds she's been taken over

then they find a guy from a vanished medical thing by the  cone and he's got neck holes

it left him cuz his heart is f'd and it didnt wantt him

kinda like with that plot point in species

they tend to him and tie him up as he might go nuts and nerd tallks to cop who gives eccuses for taking off da road blox

in da  hospital they grill him and  he sez they were from 200 million yeats ago when giant bugs were around

spoiler; the earth is only 6000 so they are probably daemons

so the parasites were from da earth deeop and the missing guy bbbtes it

sp goov guy wonders why the call from da gov didnt come annd he calls the ooperator who sez all lines are busy

they realize that communicationss is under the parasites control like how twitter google and facebook work for the democrats

so nrd and a guy stop  by da telegraph place and the  tellegraph guy attacks him

i think he punched  the telepgraph guy in tthe hot dog

they get out and 1 guy on da radio gives a message to anyoone outisde of riiverdale but we dont hear it

at the cone site they check the recorder they had up thhere to see if anything came and some controlled guys climb up the metal jungle gym they buit and opens fire on em

they return fire and waste em and cap the parasites that were on them

then they enter da cone and find a professor who vanished and is working for the bad guys

hay its spock!!

oh and he's fused with a parasite and wants to take over da surface to force peace at the expence of freedom

so it is communism

oh and is really foggy

to the good guys open fire and the parasites come affter em and they get out and escape to the ravine (the place jay b0ned emmas mouth in degrassi next gen?)

nerd and a guy get a harpoon gun that uses air pressure and uses it to fire a cabe across da ravine and tie it to a tree and over the cone

they are gonna use the harpoon gun to fire a cabel into power lines to zap the cone but the controlled chick is on the jungle gy they built

she's trying to get them to not ice the parasites and she caps nerd but he nails get and holds her as this other guy uses thhe harpoon gun to zap cannon the cone with them by it

they check the cone and all the space monkeys are back in h e double chicago slums and tho=is guy kisses a dark haired chick and they walk off together

the end

that was pretty good

decent 50s sci fi commie movie

good acting and effects

you dont see the parasite and i thought it would be the hopping brains that got blown open by gunfire

its good fullscreen b/w classic and has a good plot that still holds true with the commies rising

i liked it and its only like an hour and doesn't drag

for the brain teaters 2 i want a mission too be sent underground to fight the brain eraters oon their home turf and its armed with power suit mech aermor and various weapons. they fight the parasites and try to wipe em out. its also a 16 bit sega genesis, snes, gba, tg16 atari jaguar beat em up where you pplay as  mechs and fight in cav levels in this dantes inferno like la blue girl world.

Thursday, October 29, 2020

Coraline Review

 Note: I spell stop motion


this is my review of coraline from the distant future year of 2009 (the year the sdf 1 rcrashed into macross island during the gloval civol war)

its directed by henry selick who did nightmare b4 xmas and other good cr-p

it stars dakota fanning, teri hatcher, keith david, and some dinks i never heard of

its  based on a novel by neil gaiiman who was on an episode of arthur and people say its pretty good

i saw it b4 and liked it

its only tvpg in america but was 13+ in aargentina, 12+ in the USSR, hungary and norway

candy a55 countries

except you hungary, we poles like your kind

so it starts with credots over metal wire hands making dolls with button eyes like that ep of the simpsons with lenny

so this fam moves in this home and this  blue haired girl looks for a well aND meets a blck cat

this biker drives to her and is just kind of a dink and chats with her and shows where the well is, underground

his grandma owns the place and dont rent to people with kids and as he leaves, tells her the rod she used for dowsing was poison oak

so later shes whining to her mom and she gives coraline a doll the dink gave her

she wants to garden but its raining and affter bugging her dad, goes to explore the 150 year old hoouuse (are there slave quarters??) and finds its kind of a dump

she finds a door under da wall paper and behins it is a brick wall

later she goes to bed but sees a rat, chases it, and finds the brick wall door leads to a tunnel andafter going through it, finds a weird land where her mom and dad have buttons for eyes and are interesting and fun

it seems good at 1st but she gets a bit weirded out and goes to bed in that world

so she wakes up and her poison oak rash is gone from the mud oher parents put on em annd she tells her real rents but they think its jest a dreem

later she fids mail to a soviet guy  at her place and brings it to hm (her neighbor)

he's a circus guywho looks like he should bee in beetleeuice and trains circus mice

he tells her the mice told him t say nnot to go throgh the door

hen she goes to another neighborwho's got dogs and a sister with huge t-ts

they were stars in th past and have stuffed dogs on theirr thing you put vhs tapes oon, oh booksheldf

1 reads her fortune in tea  and sez coralne is in danger

is this baby jane gx?

later shee meets the dink and cat andd sez he found the doll and has her takr photoes of him plsaying with a big a55 slug (lord slug???)

whendinks grandma was a kid, her sister vvanished

later that night, she goes back through the tunnel doore and outside its colorful and alive instead of gray and dead

sorta like corpse bride

other dad takes her on a garcen ride on a big a55 praying mantis and after dinner she sees this worlds version of the dink who cat talk

they ssee the soviet guy and his circus is real and puts on a cool show

so she goes to sleep in the other bed and wakes up in her real one and goes shopping for aa school uniform

shes disgruntled over tthe uniforms and having to live in the real world

so later she goes back in da hole and goes to see the neighbor chicks do a show

on the way there she tallks to the cat who dont have eye buttons and ca talk like its sailor moon

cat sez this world they are in isnt as good as it seems andas cats have higher senses, it notices things  humans cant

so at the showtheres countless dogs in da seats and tthese chicks wear littleand sing against each other

then out of their bodies ppops fit chickss who do flying grayson trapeeze and throw coraline around

fat chicks in skkimpy outfits?

was the director a fan of Eve from Don Bluth's Dragons Lair 2?

so after that, her other rents wann sew buttons on her eyes but she rebells and goes to her other bed and blockss da door and goes to sleepe

but when shes up, it dont work and she cant get out  of da house

she chats wth other dad who sez warnings about going against the other mother

she goes out and meets cat but the world rins out and she''s soon walking in empty space and returns to the house like zelda or winnie the pooh

cat wastes a circus mouse and it turns into some creature

she goes to try toe tunnel again but other mom is there and gets b--chy when coraline stands up to her and throws her in a dungeon where the souls of the other moms victims remain

they explain the other mom lures kids away and sews buttoons on their eyes and eats em or something

if coraline can fnd their eyes, ttheir souls will be free

then other dink gets her out and has his  mouth sewn into a grin like the jokr or the man who laughs

they get to the tinnel and closes the door ad coralline escapes to her realm

so dink shows up annd coraline realizes grandmas sister was one of the souls in there and the doll dink gave her was how the other mom spied on her and was stolen by dink or something

so after visiting the chicks, she wakes up ad finds her real rents were captured by the other mom

she burns the dolls and goes back into the tunnel and  cat tellls her to challenge other mom to a gamme

What is this? Yugioh?

in there other mom catches her and locs the door and taks the key and just goes off

thenn coraline challenges other mom to a  game of finding her realrents and if she wins, all the trapped go free, but if not, she becomes another slave

so after exploring andfacing evil versipns of her neighbots, she also uses an iem to see through illusions

she gets this pearl but finds other dink hanging from a pole and gets aother from evil soviet guy whosez shees better off here

hee falls apart into rats like in Bram Stokers Dracula and she fights em as the house crumbles

so she thinks she lost the game and the area dissolves so she runs back in da house with da cat

other mom haas her see through thing and throwa  it in da ghost fire

corlina bluffs and sez her rents are behind the tunnel door and sees themin a snowglobee

after opeing da door, corina thros the cat at other mom andthe  house  devolves into a spider web

oh and i think cat took out other moms eyes

they go up da web and corinlagets through the tunnel and with ghost kids help,, closes da door, snapping off her hand

corlinaescapes the tunnel andhas theitems representing the eyes

the her rents come by andthe snow globe they wre in is broke and they dont remember anything

later they are getting allong andgonna have a garrde party butin her room, cat comes backand she sez sorry for throwing him

she puts the eye things under her pillow and sleeps anndin her dreamthe kids say thete's only 1 key and other mom will find it

she wakes up and gets the key and faces the severed hand wiith dink and they throw it inthe bttomless well like Inuyasha

coralina tells ink his grand auunt was one of those she freed and the next daytheres a garden party andthe neighbors are getting along with da rents

the soviet guy sez the mice told him of her saving them annd dink brings grandma tomeet coraline

the end

that was pretty good

nice dark but semi colorful feel

good atmosphere

its like 100 mins but dont drag

its cool, has good animation and nice music

a bit of horror but nothing too much

good writing and acting

i liked it andits pretty cool

for coraline 2 i want her to be a teen and datingthe grandma's grandkid and the hannd they threw in the well has reformed a new  monster chick and takes oveer the state. So her and her neighbors team up to fight ttheir way through the area she's infected by spreading roots across the underground to get to the core and bust it. Its also a 16 bt run n gun game on snes, gba, sega genesis, atari aguar and tg16 where you play as up to 4 players and blast through weird abominations made by the monster chick.

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

White Zombie Review

 Note: I'm White but spell Zombie

White Zombie

This is my review on White Zonbie from the distant futture year of 1932

Its directed by Victor Halperin who didd Supernatuural and this movies sequell: Revolt of the Zombies

This was kinda the 1st Zombie Film and stara Bela Lugosi from Plan 9 from outer space, Madge Bellamy from the iron horse, ammd a buncha 1800s dudes i dont know

it starts with creditsover a riitual

ooh, its got Brandon Hurst from the 20ss hunchback of notre dame and the theif of bag dad

so this white couple goes by and itts a grave ritual to berry a guy

theres a good shot of eyes fading past the bg as the horse cart comes by and then we  see bela come by the cart and use his hypno stare to freeze em

bela used glare!

they see zombies and escape and after that,the driver tells em the zombies are slaves who are controled or something

the driver is played by Clarence Muse who was in scarlet street and black moon

so the couple goes to a building and its revealed that they are gonna get married soon but had to delay to come here

i like how this is in full screen and has good b/w filming

so the owner of the land is there and wants to marry the chick and will do anything for it

like shin with juria in hokuto no ken

and owner arranged for the bf to have work somewhere

so then we see the mill and its run by zombie slaves and owner meets bela lugosi and bl offers him zombie slaves

bela sez he saw the gf and owner wants bela to take out the bf for a month so h can seduce her

bela sez she lovees her bf and not owner and agrees to do something about it in exchange for anything from owner

btw theres some good crepy zombie shots

they look like corpses or like they doont have souls

like druggies or something

bela whispers to owner and hes freaked out as i think he wants to b0ne him but they caant say it cuz its the 30s

bela gives him a poison thing to use on the bf and owner wants to do something else as he wants to keep his butt virginity

so the living, same species, same family, opposite gendered, same age couple is gonna get married and as they do, bela makes something outta a candle as a big a55 bird watches

i saw this years ago and thought it was cool then

so at the dinner, bela uses the candle he whittled and a scarf from the girl and burns it and she seems to bite it

bela walks up to the camera with that crazed look and its bretty bada55

so they put her in the ground and bf is bummed and sees her in his mind and shes not there when he hugs her in a ghost double exposure or w/e effect tht 20s movies did thats pretty well done

so at night, bela, owner and their droogs go and dig up gf but bf comes by drunk and the droogs carry her out like its vampyr (that other 30s movie)

he finds her crypt empty and is told later that either her body was stoles for bone rituals, or shes still alive and she'd be used as a zombie

so this dr sez that stuff was thought to be iced but came alive and how we can do it too with drugs so theyd be bburried alive (like that pokemon legend in the tower in gen 01)

so later owner has gf as his zombie slaave but dont got her in a skimpy outfit as this is the 30s, and has her playing piano as shes all spazzed out

he's bummed hes got her body but not soul and wants bbela to restoe her

good camera work of showing the scenery and the cliff base and bela walking up as the camera looks in a keyhole

bela wont restoe her (wait, he used a needle on her and she lost her soul, is this where the flu shots thing comes from??)

bela has wine with owner but used his poison in the glass andhe's gonna demvolve as bela wanted tthe girl and owneer wwould get in his way

owner calls for his butler but bela used glare and stunned him

so belas zombies carry off butler and dump him in the ocean, which i thought this was on top of a cliff so this wont work

then outside, the big a55 bird comes by and owner freaks out saying "not that!" so I think he's gonna have the bird crawl uo his a55!

so main guy bf heads to da castle and gets a necklace from a local

so bf and dr go up and stop on the way tthere and bf rests as dr goes up

so these maids with souls can't tae being in this nut house annd 1 warns the other not to whine or she'd lovse her soul

why have maids with souls f you have an army of zombies?

so bela chats with owner as he devolves and uses his paycho powers to summon the gf

oh wait, the bf is there and backed out and bela wanted to make her ice him witn a knife lik shes a female OJ

she cant do it and breaks free of his  power kinda and bf revives

she runs andis gonna jump into da sea  but bf saves her

bela faces em and bela iused ninja hand signs to summon more  zombies

bf caps em but it dont stop em andthey try to wal him off the cliff like the power rangers movie

dr ko's the bela and the zombies walk off da cliff

but thenbela revives anduses a smoke thing to keep the good guys back

owner zombie uses his last bit of soul sto shove rla's a55 off da cliff, then jumps in, then the birf goes down

the chick gets her soul back and thats it

the end

that was pretty cool

good classic atmosphere

really cool bela lugosi feels

his epic look and gaaze and eyes

hes like a universal monster or something

sorta lon chaney but also his own thing

good creepy style and great backgrounds and locations that were used in other films of the era

it looks cool, its got class, no swearing or nude scenes or gore

just a good classic creepy time

easy to follow story aand its only like an hour long

it hoolds up today and seems sorta like a silent film as its mase just after talkies began

plus its public domain annd can be found easy

for white zombie 2 i want the vulture that was the bela lugosi's familliar to have been really carrying his soul and it goes to his hidden lair where an unnaturally made body made of the best parts of his zombie slaves and the bird equips itself into it to cotrol it. it then goes on an attck to take out the guys who beat him amd they gotta fight across the zombie areas to find the power source off the new body and take it on with machettes andhammers. Its also a 16 bit hack and slash game on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba where you play as 1-3 players, bf, gf and dr, and fight off the artificial boddy for a 20 sec round to survive b4 escaping or using a trap to stop it.

Friday, October 23, 2020

Casper Review

 Note: I spell friendly bad


This is my review on Casper from the distant future year of 1995 (When the Sega Saturn came out)

Its directed by Brad Silberling who did lemony snicket, city of angels and land of the lost

its got bill pullman from space balls,, christina ricci from sleepy hollow, joe alaskey from tiny toons, brad garret from everybody loves raymond, eric idle from transformers the movie, judging amy chick from that show, ben stein from ferris bueler

and cameroes by dan aykroyd, mr rogers, clint eastwood, rodney dangerfield, melvin chaim goldstein (better known by his film actors guild name, mel gibson), the guy who dows the cryptkeeper and jess harness from anianiacs

i saw this years ago and thought it wss cool but aparently everyone sez it s-cked

i did like the fox kids cartoon in the 90s based on it and that had some good stuff in it

Its based on a comic book from the 40s or we and i recall the 60s show or w/e which was a normal 20th century kids show

huh, ben stien was also in the richie rich movie

the harvy movie universe??

so it starts with 2 90s kids breaking and entering into this big a55 house like edward scissorhands or something

it looks like the house in the haunting remake from the 90s

they wanna take a picture with a poloroid but a ghost takes it for em and they split

then title

then ben stein reads the will of this rich chick's dad wholeft most of his cashh to animal cr-p and gave her a house thats cr-ppy

she throws the deed in the fireplace but it turns on the invisible ink and it sez theres a treasure there

so they go there and they meet the ghost who freaks em out and their screams wake up the other ghosts

later they get a priest to get the ghosts out and he gets his head turned around

even the ghost busters cant get them out

so she trys to have it town down to gte da trezure and the ghosts scare the guys off

so kasppar wants a friend and sees a tv thing of dr harvey and his teen daughter kat whodeal with ghos5t mentaol health

i mean we got animal psychologists so this isnt eactly unheard of

annd he helfs da ghosts resolve their unfinished business (universal soldier?) and move on to the next life

remember that ashow Dead Last with the fat guy from breaker high? with that rock band helping ghosts move on?

did they rip off this?

so kat is duisgruntled as teen ggirls can't bbe happy in movvies and her dad is trying to be  good

also he wants to find his woman's ghost

remembber splatterhouse 2? rick goes to h-ll and back to save his chick

so the harvey's come by and move into the house and casper has a 0ner for kat

so eventually casper meets kat and she blax out and freaks out when she wakes up and after casper flees, she tells dad who acts like its no big deal, until he sees c boy and freaks out

then the other ghosts come out and goof around and send casper flying and dr harvvy dent comes out and is tormented by em

they crawll down his moth anfd posess him and in da mirror he  sees clint eastwood, rodney dangerfiend and mel gibson, tthenn the ceryptkeeper

after getting em outthey f with him in not horrofying ways sorta  like a buster keaton movie

so he traps em in a vacuum like its luigi's mansion and kat meets and befreinds casper who se hes made of the tingley feeling in ur feet when they fall asleep

also he's got a breakfast machine like he's doc brown or pee wee herman

so doc harvy coms in and casper goes to get him da paper and the other ghosts come in singing ride of the valkyries cuz they're from the 1800s or w/e

also they didn't know about vacuums so maybe

at school, at meets a 90s blonde guy named vic like hes from FMA and Broly and a blonde rival cu all teen girls hate the popular blonde chick

at school the dance  is gonna be moved but when they find out kat lives in the haunted mansion, they vote to go there instead of blonde rivals place

latr the ghosts are being mind shrunk by doc harvey and they say they know his womana and get him to keep someone from them (i think the rich chick) to let him reunite with her

but its really the fat oone faking being a chick who smooches him and has big jiggley cgi t-ts

they go ing to turn you doc har vey! they're go ing to turn you!

so vic askes kat to something but its a scheme by blonde

casper hits on kat and she isnt into naecrophilia so he beefs up and carrys her off to a lighthouse w/o consent

he sez he doont recall being alive andtthey talk while on a lighthouse roof looking at the ocan like all these movies

at home, kat worrys about forgetting her mom and recalls good memories

its kindda nice and has good feels

latter she wants dad to get her a costune and she dont wanna be cute but look date nice

in degrasi net gen; manny was tired of being ccute and wanted tolook hot and went around in thongs and low ridse jeans, when not going commando!!

soo after implying she knows about b0ning bt didnt do anything yet, its revealed shethey havent got paid yet

i  gotta say, the cg holds up pretty well as its not trying to fake reality buut rather be sorta cartoony

so tthe ghosts see doc harvey korman packing up and probably gonna leave so they ttake him drinking

booze in a movie based on a kids thing? they cant do that today, but j-rkin off, b0ning, chronic and being a bootty boy is ok

so casper and kat find a place wiith stuff from casters old life and they fiind a dress owned by caspers mom or w//e

casper gets viet nam flash backs of riding a sled wwhen his dad told him not toannd he died of pneumonia

that hit me

its prettty powerful

its subtle, but the performsnce is good

he stayed behind to keep his dad company and they find newspaper clps saying his dad was haunted by his son and made a machine to bring him back

thy go through the passages in the house andd find the Lazarus and a weird tim burton machine of riding a chair through thee lite blue lit areas and giing through an auto set up of shaving and tooth brushing and stuff

also rrich chick and erich idol are following

so caspers dad was an inventor like tesla or edison or Dr Juzo Kabuto and casper sez the door behind em is da vault, which the rich chick hears

they turn it on and up rises this big a55 thing and casper sez  it brings ghosts back to  life with this red ooze

bbtw, casper se biting it is like being born backwards

so stuffed into a womb?

alsso; ur alive for 9 months wiggling around in there b4 ur mom poops u out

so kat uses the  machine on kasper andit turns him into a cooked egg

so rich chick trys to ice erich iodl so he can be a ghost and go in da vault, but she falls off a cliff andd bites it

meanwhile, da ghosts wanna ice doc to have him join em andd he drunkenly smooches em saying he  loves emm

they cant ice him but he falls off a thing and bites it

so rich ghost and billy idol go after  kat and casper bbut they get away and she welcomes in the guests for tthe halloween patty that has little impact on the plot

rich chick ghost and idol get the tresaure in a box but eric black males  her to want more cash

she kills him by throwing him out a windoww but casper gets her toadmit shes got no unfinished business and she goes  to h e double california

te treasure turns out to be aa baseball sogtned by duke  snider who was his fave player (who was pplaying in da 50s so that kinda places caspers dates)

the ghosts come back with the dad from independence day 2 as a ghodst adkat reawakes his memories like pann with goku in dbgt as a gold ape

casper uses the machine to revive her dad like grampa ghoann i mean master roshi in dragon ball evolution (even though his corpse is out there and this gave  him a new body)

so kat goes back to the party despite having the dead eriic von stroheim idol outside and blonde and vic are teaming up to fakee being a ghost to scare the kids

buut the ghosts pop in, freak em out and they run

what useful characters

so casper is feeling bummed about stating a ghost and kats moms ghost coomes down and sez caspers dad is proud off him and he gets to be  rewarded forr his sacrifice by turnig human until 10 pm

casper dances with kat anddr harvey weinstein gets a visit from his wife who sez she hhad no unfinished bbusiness so she went on annd comforts him and gives him advice

so is there heaven in here? is there h-ll? Reincarnation?

actually that reunion was kinda moving

then its 10 pm (was he only human for 5 mins?)and shhe goes on to tthe next world and casper kisses her and turns ghost, which freaks out the kids who run

then the ghosts play a dancier  version of the caaper theme song and the kat, harvey and casper dance

thhen credits and wtf, written by shrri stoner and deabnne oliver?

from animaniaccs?!

no wonder it was good!!

the end

well, that was actually good

its got heart, fun, edge and charn

it holds up and has a good 90s feel that i likee

its only pg for some minor swearing, but nothing worse than the simpsons, and some vviolence, but not as bad as bugs bunny

its a nice 90s film and  has a  good floww and feel

it dont srag and while not much happens, its not boring

and tthe musuc was wonderful

for casper 2 I want it to be abot Kat dealing with people fearimg her at school as the boy she kissed turned ghost and they think she sucked out his life force. Also they start thinking shes a daemon and try to wack her and she has to fight em. Casper equips to her as Ghost Armor and gives her a power boose and she goes through the school wailing on the other kids to get em to stop trying to ice her. Its also a 16 bit action game on Snes, Sega Genesis, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where u play as Kat and solve puzzles with Casper equipped and beat guys up.

Sunday, October 18, 2020

Ferris Buellers Day Off Review

 Note; i spell bad but i never skipped school

ferris buelers day off

this is my review on ferris buelers day off from the distant future year of 1986 (The year the fist of the north star and transformers movies came out)

my ents and cool 90s aunt liked it and my rents worried  i''d pull a ferris bueler

but i was a good kid and the other kids in my class were c-ck suckers in the 90s

it stars matthew broderick, alan ruck, mia sara, jennifer grey, jerrery jones, ben stien, kristy swanson, and louie andeerson apartently accordijng to wikiepdea and was directed by john hughes

so it starts with ferris faking being sick and his sister knowing hes faking but hhis rents buy it and let him stay home without a beating

why does nferris have a brittish flag in his room?!

is he a commie?!

so afteer they go he admits to the audience he is taking his 9th sick day and gives tips on how to ake being sick

hes malcontent he dont got a car and is skipping sto avoid a test on european socialism as he dont care

yah but when stalin comes to your town to take you out back and give you a 45 calibur  suppository, you'll care

so ferris calls his home boy cam whos got aids or something and cams  kind of a loser

the school head rooneycalls and tells ferris's mom hes against ferris and wants to hold hom back but mom ont buy it

tthen ferris  hacks the school and changes his records to say he's been out only 2 days

so ben stein gives a boring economics thing and word spreads that he's biting it and needs a new kidney

wtf, this is based on a real guy who skipped 27 days and the dean hunted him

so ferris is the most popular kid in school and helps em a lot like he's king arthur and rooney wants to make an example of him to show breaking the rules gets u f'd

so ferris's gf slone gets word her grandmaa bit it annd whhen roonie is gonna call, he ets a call from solnes dad

thinkng its a trick, he sez they need to show the body as proof and insults him

then ferris callls andd sez hes feeling sick andwants his sister to bring over his missed assignments

roonys look of horror and listeningg to ferris as the music plays and he looks at the call waiting thing is perfect

seeing he f''d up, he sez sorry but it turns out the dad is really cam faking it who sez he wants her out alone but when ferris tells him to change it, 

cam sez he wants roony there and ferris kicks him and after hanging up, cam b--ches a while and ferris has to fix the situation

he decides to usse cams dads prized ferrarri mustang which is loved more than his family as he's got a car fetish and probably b0nes it

they plan to drive in reverse to take off the miles and pick up slone wjo is being comforted by roony who's not a bad guy annd just wants to be a good headmaster

ferris is in a  hat and shades and coat and makes out with slone which makes roony think they are inbreeders (But this is chicagio and they are open to other orientations)

instead of taking da car back, ferris and his droogs go through the civilized areas of chicago as cam rides on the inside of the car w/o a seat belt

the kids in school start a  save ferris hash tag annd collect monry to get him a new kidney from the black market

rooni calls slones home but gets a machine and the place they say tthey can be reached also has a machine

rooni knows ferris is in on it aand wants to f him up

ferris takes the  car to a garage wand this fat like guy gets it to take care of but reallly takes it for a joy ride

at home, ferris's mom coomes home to czech on him but seez a fake human (jinzo ningen) in bed hooked to a pulley system to rhe door and the speakes playing snoring

does ferris snore? if nott, it might be a tip, but it could bethhe cold

ferris asks sloan to marry him and cam b--ches about hs cr-ppy rents

so they go to a restaurant and ferris fakes being abe froman, the sausage king of chicago but the waiter dont buy it

fwrris calls 9 1 1 butanother call comes up and waiter goes to another phone

on da phone, sloane sez shes callling for abe annd desribes ferris and when waiter chex the other line its  cam sayinf hes srt slones dad of da police

so they get the restraunt andferris takes shots at the fruity snooty frenchie waiter

ferriss suster chooses to out ferris and ferris tells how  cam s--cked at home and  likes being sick

srster goes to tell roonie but hes out and at the restaurant outside is reffeis dadand they sneak by as hes tallking to clients

rooniey goes hunting for ferris's a55 lie skinner in tthat simpsons ep with quiny's nephew and sees what looks ikee ferris from behind and sez "yo a55 is mine"

but its really an 80s chick and she squirts him with pepsi

as he cleans up, he misses ferris on  tv at a baseball gamme

spoiler; baseball is gay!!

you watch ants a mile away playing catch

so ferriss's suster cuts class to go home and roony goes to ferris's house  and parks in froont of a hyrdant

at da door he gets a recording of ferris but as he dont give up, the tape replays and tips off roony hes out

roony loses a shoe iin the  mush and turns on a sprilnker and stuffs it under ground by mistake so it'll f their home

meanwhile, rtboy is joyriding chicago wiith his  homie(is  this m c miket g and dj sven?)

rooni finds a doggy door and is gonna break and enter but a big a55 black a55 dog is there and chases his a55

so ferry and his homies go around soviet chicago like a museum having fun and staying outta the slums as the gangs and junkies rule those

btw  i'm watching this is reall full screen so no black bars eatng half the tv

thenn its some german american prode thing and in the cab, camm is malciontent and  they see ferrs'ss dad in the cab net to em

they hide and slone flirts a bit with dadso they tickle herand dad thinksshes nuts

tthen ferris ditches his  homies and sings a german sonng with ggerman chickss in the parade

spoiler; ferris's actor is polish!!

so cam gets bummed as feerris has things going well 4 his a55 amd cam s-cked

then they sing a beatles song and evveryone dances

soo a flowerman brings flowers to ferris's place and roony feeds em to the dog to kill it andsister cimes by and finds the jinzo ningen

roonty sees this and comes in anndwhen they meet ttsne kicks him out and runs upstaiirs thinking hes a deient

at the garage, ferres sez anyone who'd nail him wouldn't go to a parade and they get da car back

sister calls  da cops and the cops say they hope her bro is ok and shhe goes mental

she uses the intercom to say she called the cips and has crotch rot as roony runs after his car being towed

ferris  notifys cam the car has over 3000 miles on it and cam screams for half a min (which i hold my breath through) and cam snapps

at ferris's place a h00ker comes by sent by ferries homies but sister closes the door on her

ferris sez how fhe sees his future with cam and his  lifes gonna s-ck

they go toa pool and cam goes in to suicide at the botttom and ferris pulls is a55 out

remeember in Degrassi Next Gen when that loser Cam committedv seppuku in the green house? Is Ferris Bueler where they got it from??

so cam returns to normal and at the police station forr making a"phoney" cop call, sister meets charlie sheen who's in there for drugs (What a Shock!!) who gives her advice saying not to worry too much about ferris

he suggests talking to ferris bueler and she don't like it

ferris is in with junkies

so at cams place they try hooking the car on a thing and having it run in  reverse but the meter wont go back and ferris wants to hack the gears to hand roll it back

cam has had enuff of this sh-t nd wants to take a stan

then kicks the car a bunch as his dad loves it more than him

man this ferrarri mustang is a real cr-pmobile as it dents fro a few kicks

is that where out run on sega got it from?

eventually the car flys out the back window and smashes

if it were made in Japan it woouldnt f--k out like that

cam can't take it and jumps out the window and gets skewered on a tree branch and slides to the bottom and making moaning sounds as his guts arestrung out

jk really he resolves to deal with his dad for once

so ferriess mom gets sister and the dective se the starion is pulling foor ferris

sister is makng out withcharlie sheen and probably has aids now and they goo home

btw, ferris actor and sisterss actor were dating when filming this

making out with ur sister?! What is this?! Star Wars?!

At least in Robotech Minmei and Kyle were cousins!

Just like Sailor Uranus and Neptune

so ferris se camss ggonna be ok and  makes out with sloane as good 80s music plays and realizes hes gotta get home and runs off

sister nearly  hit and runs ferris and mom is looking at her papers and they race to get home 1st

also ferris nearly is seen by his dad and goes through other opeoples properties

ferries gets home 1st but roony is there and has finally caught him

he slugs ferris out and starts b0ning his butt as ferris wakes up and screams


really he's gonna hold ferris back and sister comes out and seez thanks for driving ferris home from the hospotal and sends ferris upstairs and sez she has his wallet so if roony reveals he caught ferris, he'd get booked for breaking and entering

the the dog comes back and b0nes him

ferris makes it back in bed in time and his rents come in thinking he''s been in bed all day

this is like the one time the kid gets away with lying and chheeting

then as the film ends, roony rides the bus and sees Rooony Eats It and Save Ferris as the Duffman song from the Simpsons plays

The end

then ferris  sez "the movies over, go home"

that was grand

classic 80s fun and heart

good music and feels

nice mild story thats not too overcomplex and has good flow

i saw it a bunch b4 and it holds up

For Ferris Bueller's Day Off 2 I want cam's dad to ssnap and have chopped him up and cooked and eaten him. then he goes to the school to take out ferris. There, he meets Roony who upon hearing hthey both hate ferris, wants to team up. But when Roony finds cams dad wants to aste him, he kicks him in the crotch and warns ferris. They escape to the slums of Chicagge andgotta fight their way through junkies and gangs to avoid the berserk dad and fight him every now and then as you head to Ferris's secret base where his arms dealer contsct has mech power suit armor to finally finish the dad. Also its a 16 bit beat em up on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Ataro Jaguar and GBA where you play as Ferris or Roony.

Saturday, October 10, 2020

Turbo Review

 note; i tupe fast


this is my revirew on turbo from 2013 (the year after the 1st robotech war and the mayan apocalypse)

it stars ryan reynoklds. pual giamatti, damleyu l jackson, bill hader, snoop doogg, ben schrawrtz, michalle rodriguez, kurtwood smith, and a unch more

i nver saw this bb4 but its started and i gotta dget it on

so it starts with a nascar thing and a snaiil watching a vhs tape of ity 

snail wants to be fast even though he's a snail

he trains to work att becoming faster ven though theres no slime trail

remember that kids show franklin ith all the animals are named adter their species?

bear, goose, beaver, ect

well snail i think qwas meant to be a cripple

worst idea; franklin; the movie! its a darker edgier take on the series. franklin is a bada55 snapping turtle with battle scars. bear is the muscle of his group. snail is a guy who is missing his arms and legs but is a master strategist. they are fighting daemons in a post apocalyptic future and use big guns that shoot hexagram and swastika bullets to kill the daemons. they fight in battle mech armor exosuits and are fighting to free the planet from being slaves to the daemons.

so kater  the sanils are geting toomatoes and they keep splattering

who cares if they spltter?! they eat with their feet!!

main snail named turbo like the reboot guy  races a tomato as it rolls

so turbo is disgruntled over being made fun of for wanting to be fast and his fat homie wants him to accept his fate

one way out! (puts gun in mouth)

a toddler goes by on a tricycle and the snails fear it as it might eat em like phil and lill from rgrats or w/e but turbo isnt afraid

later turbbo is watchhing tv (and itd a real tv, not thhose widescreencr-pmobiles) and it falls off the thing

so later a tomato rolls in the yard and they fear gettign it cuz the gardener is coming out

buncha candya55es!

so turbo eats time narrating b4 going to get th tomato as the gardener mows da lawn

he reaches it but the mower is gonna get him  and the other slug s save him with a garden hose blast

how did these dinks use a hose?!

so turbo is bummed out over  not being fast and wanders the neighborhood at night

then a bunch of homies jump him and start b0ning him all at once!!


so he truys witshing on a star but its really a jeet and he gets knocked around an area w/o breaking as snail shells are totally tough

he lands on a car hood and its a drag race and he feels speed (which should dry him out and kill him)P but gets sucked into the engine (which should kill him) and the nitro boost (which should kill him) gives him super powerrs

what is he?! dr manhatten from the watchmen?!

so the next day he wakes up and is in the place greased lightening fought  the other car in grease woth olivia newton john travolta and now he has eyes that work as flashlights and his a55 has lights on i

what is this?! earth worm jim?!  has he evolved?!

he goes home and at a meeting he plays radio and spazzzes out

the toddler tries to crush him (illing small aniamls for fun? he's gonna be a seriel killer) and turbo can move fast like he's the flash or quicksilver or the whizzer or w/e

after beating the otddler, he drives the tricylce and plows into the snails  home and the elders fire turbo and fata55

fata55 snaps and tells turbo off for being a dink and gets caught by a crow and turbo saves him after soome crows firhgt for him

just  likie land before time, the plant eaters are civilized and the intelligent predators are just animals

then this fata55 mexican catches em (is this soviet california?!) and take sem to this snail race where its like a prison and the snails all have shells with car parts on em

don't drop the soap

btw; in the 90s dub of sailor moon; melvin; i'll miss my snail watching club and i;m the only member!

so turbo whizzesaround at light speed and  and impresses em but fata55 homie thinks he's f;d and needs to be fixed

fata55 meico's bro  b---ches at him for nnot working and snail racing and fata55 mexico is shown to be a dreamer like turbo

so fata55 mexicano puts turbo to bed and the other prison gang snails come out and invites him to join their crew

he mouthhs off to em and they race to this star sigh  and the gang snaills get launched into a cable and grind it withsome kinda boosters in their shells and win

so laterfata55 mexico puts up a sign about the fast snail at their taco hut and wastes time waiting soome something to happen

so fata55 snail whines about turbbo being there and fata55 meico thinks fata55 snail is turbos gf and he bite him

spoiler; snails are hermaphrodtes and to breed, they fight and the losr has to be the girl

1st; thts like somthing outta 4hchans D thread

2nd; snails dont got teeth

so fat meico wanyts to enter a snail in the indy 500 and bro thinks its sh-t

as theres no rules against snails entering

wasnt therre a sonic ep where he raced that guy in a car?

so later turbo gets some car parts added to his shell to somehow go faster

so they go to the iindy 500 anc a car goesd 230 miles prowler

so fata55 mexico wants to register turbo but dont get it

the racer turbo likes is giving an interview  and turbo drivves over in fata55's pocket and fata55 introduces him and all laffs

then turbo whizzes around adimpresses all and makes 226 mmiles prowler

whats he powered byy? and how can he go fast if he's in fata55es pocket?!

so a wiener kid films it on his ell phone and spreads it in the internet likebutt damage among millennials and turbo becomes a hit

the ownwer of the indy 500 sez he wont let turbo in as hes a snail and thats racist, but the hero driver snail likes, stands uup for him and popular demand changes the official decision

so the mini mall plazza where the taco guys and their droogs work gets attention and fata55 snail sez its nnot safe as he's a snail and dont think he can do it

turbogoes and sees the heros car and chats with him and seems siinister for wanting to win a race that turbo is in

why is he bad?! they are doing the exact same thing?! trying to win a race!!

so its race day and fat55 snail gets caught by a kid and watches the race with him

the race happens but turbo is mallcontent and uneasy and after going through the puit crew, the samuel l jackson snail se; ur not a car so stop driving like 1

so he drives on the walls and under cars and does better and soon is catching up to hero but hero drives so debris flys into turo and he crashes

i guess hes got super endurance as he didnt splaytter and it looks like its over, but turbo goes back in the race

his powrs jerk on and off and he eventually is gonna get crushed by hero but rides in the whee and takes thr lead

hero trys to ice turbo but cuases a pile up

turbo wakes up and hsi shell is cracked (which should kill him) and there goes hs powers

he gievs up even through he's like a few feet from the end and fta55 homie gets the gon-ds to encourage his hoomie

he escapes and rides a balloon and does ninja movies to evade stuff and the gang snail homies ride crows so get them thereand encourage turbo to finish da race

somehow, the stands see this snail moving a mile away and cheers but hero starts pushing his cr-pmobile as it griinds on the pavement

as he's losing h openly trys to kill the snail but snail rools and wins

he lst to a crippled snail

worse than me being beat by a blind kid in yugioh

so the plazza guys get good business  and the snails in da garden get equip cards on their shells to be garbagemen or w/e and the snails are gonna race

fata55 meexicann gives turbo a new shell but he's healed

the gang snails have ricket boosters in their shells and they all rocket to the camera

then the title like its avatar

the end

then credits showing who was playing who to hip hop

that wasnt so bad

nice mild tvg kids movie

nothing too harsh or evil

it has some color and decent cg

for a lite kids movie, its not bad

and its decent acted and has good music and message

not realy hateablee

I kinda like these 2010s cg movies

forr turbo 2 i want turbo to start mutating into some kind of HP LoveCraft/ La Blue Girl abomination as an after effect of the thing that gave him powers. aso the gov is after him to try to use him to makke a thiing of speed sldiers to takke over America. And he goes around the country to get to their base and bbeat em. Also its a 16 bit Sega Genesis, Snes, Atari Jaguar, Tg16 and GBA game where you solve puzzles and fght gov guys woyyh mutation powers from being experimented on.

Thursday, October 8, 2020

Brighton Rock Review

 Note: I spell bad but in Engkand its good (Cuz soviet england is bozzzarro world to America)

Brighton Rock

this is by review on Brighton Rock from the distant future year of 1948

its been remaade closer to the book its based on but i hear this one was better

its been banned in new south wales (i don't know what that is) cuz its too much for the candya55es who live theere

show those dinks urotsukidoji eith chcks tentacled til they rupture!!

they'd spazz out and die!

it stars Richard Attenborough from jurassic park 1 2 and a recording in world, and no one else i recognize

its directal by johnny Boulting who did a buncha cr-p i never heard of

i never saw this b4 but its on tv and as its too bada55 for soviet england, i otta watch it

this was also ratch 16+ in soviet france, iceland and norway and 18+ in the netherlands

oh and its banned in sweden cuz they're a buncha wieners

its written by graham greene who was not mr crabby apple tree in udley the dragon and the guy in die hard 03

so it starts with clips of the fim showing who plays who and a scrolling text sayingg the place its set is good now but in the 30s was mad ma or detroit

so a paper sez a gangster is found wacked in some place and this thin moustache guy tell his homie about an article thats gonna f this guy named pinky

he showws it to pinky (richart attenborroew)

later these brittmoes go to a guy named fred like the scooby doo guy and are gonna f him up

he has a last drink amd the britmoes bust some glasses and leave after paying

oh and the article said this gguy named fred is going around town and if you guess its him u win a prize of cash

and the fred nearly f'd was not him i think and pinky wants revenge on fred

ait i think it is fred and he runs through town to escape and gets on a boat but the britmoes find him

they go off as theres too many witesses and fred chats with some chick

he goes around an amusement part and gets wacked somehow(i wasnt paying attention)

so the britmoes are working for pinky and thin moustache is one of em and they have these cards freddy was gonna hand out

so pinky goes oyt to a restaruant annd meets a chick aand they have a nice moment

oh and pinky had his homies hand out cards as an alibi for him not being where fred was when he got wacked somehow

in a bar a fat chick in a clown costme goes a pasychic thing to choose random letters to solve the case and  she sez its a message from fred

later pinky chats with another chick (or maybe its the same one) and se a chick who went against da mom got her face chopped up

spoiler; scars are bada55

thry go inside and its revealed both are Catholic anf piny knows of h e double england

so later pinky slashes a guy in da face with a straight razor as da guy sez he's got protection and pinky and his droogs leave

oh and the chick in the restarunant saw one of pnkys homies pplant the card there and piky knows

so pinky meets a guy with napoleons furniture who has a lot of cash andchick meets the fat chick who asks about who left the card

chick sez she dont recall and calls pinky who just left

so da cops get a visit from fat chick who sez chick knows something and fred was afraid of a guy she saw at the station

but they say the case is closed

pinky meets chick at an amusement part and sez feeddy is dead but she sez the fat chick knows

so later at da race ttrack piky has the guy who hick saw leaving the card iced at a braawl he starts

at home he tells chick he was defending his friend and thin moustache comes by and a guy comes by to see inky

pinky wants to marry chicj and the carc guy comes bback alive butpinky shoves his a55 down a gap n the stairs that go around the walls

a witness is gonna book it but pinky sez to say it was an anccident

it was pretty bada55 how he fell and slanmmed

so they get married i think and pinky makes a recording of his voice saying "you want me to say i love u, but really i hate you you little sl-t"

they goo to a hotel or w/e for their honey moon and fat chick is there and sez the 2 L's in her message meant they kiLLed fred

she pieces together the facts of who wacked who and later, at the gang place, main guy(i forgot hisname, oh wait. pinky) admits to thin moustache he wacked the guy and thn moustache getts p-ssed as i guyss they were b0ning

so chick is met by fat chick who wants to help her escape pinky and tell da cops da trooth but she dont consent

pinky comes home and sees her leaving and goes up and chickk wrote a love note for him as he did the record she never heard but thinks is a love note

so fat chick gets mpre info on the case and piky is worried chick might betray him and wants to ice her to keep her from telling

she comes back and he tells her he wants to book it and she gets upset as she actually cares for him even if he's the bad guy

so pinky goes out with chick and fat chick sees em and tells da cops he's got a  gun in his pocket (which in america is a right but in soviet england is a crime)

so i think pinky is gonna suicide and gets her to cap herself even though she knoes its a sin

she say a prayer and just like in birth of a nation with the good guys heading to save the day, the cops come as shes gonna o it andshe throws the gun away

the cops come for him and as he dont wanna drop the soap, he spazzes out and falls into the water and seemingly bites it

later she's all f'd up and wants to go to h-ll to be with him(thats not how it works, you are each in your own dark hole in there being f'd a lot) and a nun sez pinky loved her and thats some kind of hope

she plays the record and it skipps when it sez "i love you" and don't say the mean stuff

then it zooms in on the cross to show her salvation and the credits roll

the end

but in the book it played the full message

i liked it and felt this had some good stuff in it

dark and gritty ans the main character is kind of the villain like a loon chaney movie

good Catholic themes of not suiciding

the girl is innocent and a kind soul and has purity even with pinky's evil

good b/w and full screen look and its kinda bada55

i can see how some 40s dinks might not take it, but its owhere near as rough as 80s things

h-ll the 60s had the last house on the left

this was a well made film and holds up

for Brighton Rock 2 i want it to be ww2 and piky has been found tohave survived the fall and was swept out to sea and an italiano boat saved him. he lost his memory and has been living in italy under the italian stallion; mussolinni! then its ww2 and he is sent on a mission to take out a deviant brittish general who captures italianoes and uses them as butt slaves and he finds the chick he was married to is a maid for him and she tells him she was married to him. his memory is gone but he feels a connection so he believes her words about him. also he works with her to bring down the deviant general and they escape to italy. its also an 8 bbitgame boy, nes, master system, game gear, tg16 atari 7800 and lyxn game where you go around in a metroid vania setting and sneak through the generals evil castle with men devolved into maniacs from beign butt hammered toomuch and they crawl around on all 4's as their butts were destroyed.

Sunday, October 4, 2020

Rumor Has It Review

 note; i''m rumored to spell good

Rumor Has It

this is my review on roomer haz it from the distant future year of 2005 (When Transformers the movie happened and 4 years b4 Robotech Season 1 got going)

its directed by rob reinwr who does good sh-t like prooncess bride

it starz jrnnifer aniston, kevin ciostner (good! i get to spell his name bad again) shirly mcclane and dat commie mark ruffalo

i never saw it b4 but heard it s-cked hard

so it starts in 1963in soviet celifotrnia when this 21 year old guy b0ned a 42 year old 5kank and was dating her daughter and the daughter married another guy

then a book on the story o these lusty freaks was made by a classmate of the guy and people wonderd who it was as the names were changed to protect the lusty

it later becaome the dustin hoffman moive the graduate and in 1997 jenny the bat from friends and leperachaun 01is on a plane with gay hulk and worries about crashing

they are engeged and going to someones weeding and she sugggets b0ning in the bathroom

imagine him hulking out an b0ning her

rachell; no hulk! stop b00ning me with your big green d0ng!!

hulk; hulk kknow girl man likes hulks broccoli! now here comes the cheeze!!

rachel; hulk! nooooooooooo!! (asplodes in a spray of pale green goo)

so they try bathroom b0ning and f'd it up and she gets whiney about the wedding (peach angel blade) and how she dont fit in

so this movie is about losers?

so back on urth, she sez theres tunnels they hold their breath to drive through foor fun and she gives a list of things not to talk about with her fam

she meets jeeny's dad and go to societ pasadena and go to da home an meet da famm and sister is bubbly and her bf is her slave

so laater they have deener and jen-tai chats with her granny about how she fears marrage

so dadgives a speech and i went to get my mac and cheese so i think i missed soome

so jenner sees her grandma (the oother chick wasnt he i gess) and its revealed she b0ned some guys and grandma realizes her daughter did something

when driving, jenny callls hulk on a cellphone and tells him to get da graduate and when he brings it, she sees its by charlie webb, and puts together that tthe graduate is baed on her life and the beau or w/e guy is her real dad

maury; you are NOT da father!

black guys; ohhhhhhhhhhhh!

so after da weeding jenno tries to find the guy said to be her real dad and hulkmo joins her in her quest

hulkmo finds kevin costner (hay! I spelled it eigytt!!) annd sshe goes to c him in a speech thing he gives

hulk tal to keniv cotsnorr  about business and hes the beua guy she was loking 4

so she sez her mom is in h-ll and they go get drinks and talk aboit the graduate

kenij cotsitn sez the book changed sh-yt and hes a dropout boy

wtf, hulk called her and is somewhere else, i guess dat guy talking to him wasnt hlk

so she asks if he b0ned her mom b4 da weeding and he sez yes and she isnt like her birth dad

he sez he broke his b-lls in a soccer game in school

so she gets all whiny and scieiner kevin takes her drinking and tells his life story of drugs and b0ning

they dance and ashe axes about da weedend he b0ned her mom and he sez they hing out and one day she went to pasadena to get married

after she takes a whiz in the little grls room, she goes back and makes out with him

then wakes up in his bed after being b0ned by him a lot

she sees photoes of him with president clin ton (the raepist) and castro (the murder/commie/dictator) and goes to have coffee with him

he drivves heraround and takrs her on a plane flight and she's f'd that he b0ned her mom, her grandma and her

just like that spinger ep; grandma stole my boyfriend!!

so hulk aids calls around to find jenny the bat and shes in wine country with keeveen costrere who invites her to a charity ball like in the bodyguard with that AIDS spreader diner

at there he points out all the freaks he knows who own hunks opf soviet california

at da party they talk aboit movie and da graduste comes up bt they dont finger em

so waiit, is this the graduate gx?

maybe GT

maybe like that book by bram stokers great grand nephew where dracula the book is part of it

so nevik reosert goes to do business cr-p and a guy who looks like ryan from cinemassacre hits on her

hes reveaued to be kegin serters son and she worried she got b0ned by her dad like those woody allen asians

imagine art of kid chichi from dragon ball throwing her heead boomerang through his crotch and he sez "I always knew I'd lost the rest!!"

as he likes em young and asian

maybe have pan from gt burning em off with a ki blast

kefing destoin reveals he used someone elses j-zz tomake da son and she sez sorry for thinking he'd b0ne his daughter

shhe makes out with jevin dostien and hulkalo comees by and sees andgets mad at her cheeting on him with her dad

you know she's probably got aids now from all the chicks her dad was wirth

so hlk mo ditches her and she goes back to her fam and this chick who i thought was her mom and her spazz out over her b0ning keeveemo costmo

meanwhileher dad calls as her sister is --ching out and after yelling on da fone, jenmo comes to comfort her blonde possubly bimbo saster who can't recall her mom as she was 4 when she got it

also she had an autism attack thinking she f'd her life marryingher bf

jennu comforts her and reveals she got b0ned by the guy wh0 b0ned mom and grandma and sister thinks iys dad

is this the media's way of softening us up to accept inbreeding?

that and star wars wih luke making outy with leia

and voltage fighter gowcaizer with the twins who inbreed

weird how gowcaizer was made in 96 and set in 2017 and this movie was made in 2005 and set in 97

then we got rini having a weiird hing with darien in sailor moon

so not mom comes out and i finally figgered out she'ss the grand ma and she clashes with kebiin hostnot over b0ning them and the fam comes out

dad reveals hes the guy who neutered kegin gosting in the soccer game and grandma laffs

keegan michael key costnet reveals he was awake when mom left and was crying and jenny sez she outlived her mom by a year so far

so she sez bye to him and blnde sister goes off for her honney moone

rachel chats with dad and he sez he knew about her b0ning keffin coostnor and was ok with it as he got her in the end

thats how aids spreads dude

also he b0ned her the night she came back and made her

she whines about not being like him and goes off on a plane

it turns out j fk jr is fluying it and slams into the ocean as he knows he can't resist his demon blood from his grandps joey and knows his cursed bloodline must end

jk she goes to soviet new york and goes to see da hulk

wait, kevin freotst was supermans dad in the dcau and mark barfalo is the hulk in the mcu

jonny kent b0ned the chick bruce banner was b0ned

so hulkmo goes on a tirade about some cr-p i dont care about and she sez she wants to marry him

he gets b--chy and she sez she wants him and is gay for him and leaves

she takes da elevator and he is at da bottom of da stairs b4 her somehow as i guess hes the whizzer or the flash or quicksilver too

he sez if they have a daughter he d0nt want kevin justice in her and she sez it stops with her

then they get married as credits rool

the end

that wasnt so bad

wtf, barbara gordon?

batgirl/the 2nd commissioner in batman beyond/ the oracle in the bad timeline?!

over alll i thought it was good

a nice mild lite not  harsh 00s movie

the acting was good and the characters had good mements

a good GT kinda

for rumor has it 2 want it to be the 2010s and sshe has a daughter whos a yteen and woonders f kevin costner is her dad. she goes to se him and they b0ne, but, ten its revealled his parts weren't broken and jennifer aniston and her and his inbred kids and they take it to a maury/spiiringer show to deal with. aalso its a 32 bit gba, sega saturn ps1 dating sim wgere you play as the teen and choose whuch guy to be with and theres like 6 other guys you're dating at the same time cuz shes a 5kank