Friday, June 29, 2018

Alice Sweet Alice Review

note; my keyboards f ing out. there thypoes
aclie wswilr alice
this is my review on alice sweet alice from 76
its got brooke shields from the blue lagoon in its this is her 1st film
its also called communion in some vhs tapes
it starts with creepy music and someone whispering the rosary fast
then its a church and this fa comes to see the priest
this old Italian b--ch cleaning da floor gets p-ssed at a gurl wearing a creepy a55 mask and walking on the floor she just cleaned
priest gives brooke (who's like 8 or w/e) a rosary
later brooke runs to mom saying someone took her doll and is gonna break it
mom has cr-p to do as brooke chases after ailce to creepy music
alice runs to an empty building and brooke followzs
brooke jumps out in a creepy a55 mask and locks brooke in a room
only to throe her out And say not to tell or she wont get her doll
I think alice was ritual sacrificing the doll b4
alice b--ches out and wears brookes veil for her communion and throws it on the ground in a fit
what a b--ch
meanwhile this fat a55 milky white italiano feeds his cats
he looks like gokumon from violence jack
fata55 wants alice to bring him some food but she sez no
so he sez "what a b--ch" after she leaves
he's not wrong
later its communion day and alice cant be found
probably out with a buncha big ugly homies
just like all those 13 year old 5kanks on maury
then this raincoat and mask wearing killer takes out brooke
the other kids get communion and the priest speaks italiano or latin or w/e
when I go to church they spoke English
da killer puts brooke in a box and takes her rosary
then cooks her with a candle
alice somes in and wants communion
btw ur supposed to get confession b4 communion if u sinned
then they find whats left of brooke
but we don't see it
and alice b--ches out over not getting communion
and aclice is wearing brookes veil
later they have a service for her
and cops investigating wanna now where alice was
theres a b--chy aunt who keeps trying to force her will on others and is bossy
hope she gets chopped up
alice and her chubby cousin and male cousin give a cake to fata55
I think he may be pedo
not that theres anything wrong with that
ones orientation is their own issue
this is the 21st century
it doesn't matter who u love
its natural
animals are that way too
so the fam talks about how alice might be the killer
da dad goes to da cops and they wanna talk to alice
they grill dad like a dog on a Korean bbq
so he books it
cops say the school wants alice to see a shrink
but da rents don't think its needed
a cop checks er files and sez shes nuts
dad calls the priest but the b--chy italiano wont let him talk
eventually priest gets to talk to him and the b--chy italiano listens in
priest sez da cops got alices records and hes going out
later alice drops a milk thing and it breaks
and her b--chy aunt yells at her and nearly hits her
this whole family is f'd
makes me glad i'm not italiano
I have homies who are italiano
but they get p-ssed a lot
usually the women
alice is gonna go back to school soon
after more b--ching alice takes the rent check to the fata55
she goes in and sh-ts on him over his cr-ppy place
fata55 sez he knows what she did at church
she crunches check up and fata55 grabs her
and sez brooke will come back for her cr-p alice has downstairs
and if she calls da cops he'd show them her ritual room
then he tries to make out with alice
but she grabs his cat and throws it on da ground
normally I don't care for cats
but this chick is kind of a b--ch
also the cat did nothing to her
fata55 sez she killed da cat and he'd get even
later dad and priest talk about alice doing bad and making it look like an accident
in her ritual room, she gets a mask and has a jar of bugs
in a raincoat and mask, this killer stabs up b--chy aunts legs on da stairs
send her to h-ll!! b--ch!
b4 killer can finish her, fata55 comes in and killer runs instead of one more jab
you coudve still iced her
b--chy aunt crawls ootside and da cops take her to the hospital to be put to sleep or w/e
I da empty building, the dad I think (or maybe cop. I don't know) comes in with a shovel and is gonna ice whoever he finds
he opens a door and sees alice hiding freaking out saying she saw brooke who wants her doll
mom talks 2 priest about b--chy aunt saying it was alice who shanked her
then sees b--chy aunt and sez not to say it was alice
cop comes in and wants everyone else t gtfo
then her husband comes in and feels for her
now I dont want her iced as someone good cares for her
she may be a b--ch but her husband did nothing wrong
I wouldnt want him to suffer from her getting microwaved
b--chy aunt goes all b--chy and mom sez she hated her as aunt knew mom was pregnant when she got married and hated alice
I should note that being conceived in holy marriage is a forme of being blessed
marriage isn't some contract
its a holy ritual that involves blessings
and b0ning outside of it usually ends bad
I know a few friends who were illegitimate
they s-ck
they got all kinds of cr-ppy issues
no wonder alice turned so bad
so b--chy aunt sez it was alice who chopped her up and mom goes b--chy
btw I think the empty building I keep mentioning is just da basement
but I might be wrong
latter alice is given a lie detector test
it sez she didn't stab her aunt
but she lies about who stabbed b--chy aunt
then sez it was brooke and its true
alice alice
in her palace
made out of a giant phallllis!
her curtains are made of silk
in her sink s homo milk
after da test a cop sez when he put the lie detector on her she acted like she wanted him to feel her up
what a 5kank!
then alice f'd the lie detector machine
later priest, italiano b--ch and a geezer have dinner
cops stop by and priest gets him a list
later I think alice is in da nut house and a chick reads her stats
she meets da rents and sez its not good for alice to go home
and alice is having her pereod
rents meet alice and alice gets b--chy over how they left her in da nut house
mom gives alice brookes doll and brooke and her b--ch for a while
then they hug
later rents get a call from someone on da phone breathing
mom thinks its b--chy aunt
and wont talk to her until she recants seeing alice cut her feet up
what a b--ch
later dad gets a call from a woman who sez she ran away and needs him
he goes to see her and sees the killer
he chases her as every movie needs a chase scene and is in this building
as he goes up stairs, killer shanks him and vanishes
he goes after her and killer kills him with some item I cant really see
killer then tries rolling him out the window after tying him up
oh and hes not dead
then killer reveals its really italiano b--ch who hates him for b0ning some 5kank
he bites the rosary from brooke and she tries beating it out of his mouth with a brick (is that wat she hit him with?)
it don't work and she pushes his a55 out a window
I think she called dad pretending to be the alice
but they called her angela
i'm confused
later killer returns home to church and priest advises the new kids on their 1st confession
I like going to confession as it feels good to get the sin out
I feel unburdened and lighter afterward
like your teeth after the dentist
so killer hides in the confession place to change out of her killer clothes
priest finds someones in there and she sez she wants to confess
she goes on but doesn't tell about all the killings
later mom comes by church to ask where dad is
killer sez she don't now where he is and invites her in
it looks like shes gonna ice her
Italiano b--ch goes on about how she thinks God sent St. Michael to ice her daughter on her 1st communion
she thinks children get iced for their rents sins
well... after joe kennedy did all dat evil, then his sons joe, john and bob got iced, I can see that line of thought
heres something I wrote that's based on it
j fk's sister was a bit slow.
so rather than let her fall in love and have kids like normal people
her dad joe had her lobotomy!
and it made her a vegetable!!
mom; oh joe! what did you do to our daughter!?
joe; stop your crying! its not like shes human or anything!
mom; this is worse than if you had her put to sleep like the other one!
joe; if thats how you feel, then...  (raises his big irish fist and busts open his daughters head like a tomato!! )
joe; there! happy yet?!
mom; oh joe! your a monster! i only hope our sons dont inherit your evil!
Marilyn Monroe; too late!
the sad this is, that's actually pretty close to what happened
so da cops find dad and on him they find the rosary
oh angela was his niece
was she the fat one?
so priest and mom go to get alice
and they don't tell alice he bit it
killer aka italiano b--ch is at home and creepy music plays and she gets her mask and coat and knife and goes out
alice in mask and coat puts a jar of bugs on sleeping fata55's gut
then goes out with mom
killer knocks on fata55's door to ice him but he wakes up and finds the bugs on him
he goes after killer and pulls off her mask
its the italiano b--ch
she knifes him in his enormous gut and books it
da cop breaks in the building as fata55 plows through his cr-p on the floor as he struggles to get away from the killer who left
she gets away
later its church and she comes in wearing the yellow coat
btw is she a midget or something?
shes tall enough to be mistaken for a tween
da cops are outside da church and priest don't want snipers
he wants to handel it
at communion killer pushes the fat chick away and takes her place next to alice
isn't communion done where the people get up and come to the front?
they skip giving it to alice and killer
killer freaks out saying "but u give it to dat wh0re!!"
that's nice to say in church
then she shanks the priest in a full church during mass
that's a 1st class ticket straight to h-ll
she hugs him as he pours blood on her
then alce walks away slowly as everyone goes after the killer
and shes got killers bag with a knife in it
the end
that was pretty good
good twist of keeping us not sure it was the kid
then the old lady being the killer
Friday the 13th ripped dat off btw
and the butcher knife was used in Halloween
man this inspired a lot of movies
I like italianoes
the are good friends
but I wouldn't wanna be one
this was a well done film though
good effects
good acting
could use more gore
like if we saw his teeth and lips bust when hit by da brick
or when brooke cooked
but I liked it
its set in 61 according to wikipedea
back before the hippies mo lested culture and turned everything degenerate
for alice sweet alice 2 I want the fat a55 to be recovering from getting stabbed as it only hit flab. also alice is getting more into killing people as she saw the killer in the 1st movie do it and thought it looked cool. but fat a55 wants revenge on alice for killing his cat. so as he recovers he starts doing rituals to mind link with cats and control them as his army of the night and sends them to ice people. but alice is also into rituals and gets demon powers from them and gets better at killing. also its a 16 bit sega genesis/super Nintendo/Atari jaguar game where you play as either alice taking out cats trying to get fat a55, or a swarm of cats controlled by fat a55 trying to do missions to train to take out alice. maybe alice a throw bugs she controls as a long range attack

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Double Dragon Review

note; I plaed the games. they were good (except 3). but is da movie? my spelling aint!!
double dragon
this is my review on double drahon from the distant future year of 1994
its based on the 80s game that I beat on sega genesis and Gameboy
on sega I ordered runark aka growl from the soviet union
the label sed runark but the game was DD1
and its in Russian
and its the PAL version
so it ran 20% slower on my NTSC sega
I don't speak Russian but I have experiance in video game menues
so I played and beat it
and it was pretty good
so this film has mark decascos from the crow stairway to heaven
allysia millano from some 80s show
and the t 1000 from terminator 02
according to wikepedia, he's a good Christian
and he was in swat kats and the 90s johnny quest
I liked jq
and he was born nov 05
both guye fawkes day, and the b day of chichi from dbz
so it starts with narration about how long ago, shadow warriors attacked an ancient Chinese city
the king ritual sacrificed himself to make a magic medallion
yet he saw it as too strong so he broke it in 2 and gave each son half of it
I thought he sacrificed himself to make it
you just said it narrator
then we see chimese warriors attacking a vllage in a clean pg way to find the medallion
but the villiagers had their tongues removed
good f man!
I thought the king cares about his people
here he's mutilating them!
so the bad guy follows a villiager into a candle filled cave
he gets the medallion half from a statue on it and opens his high tech briefcase to type something in
I thought this was ancient china
and the bad guy is a blonde haired blue eyed white woman (not sailor venus)
its linda lash, the chick you beat up in the games
then its in new angeles in the distant future year of 2007
2 years after transformers the movie
and 2 years before Robotech season 1 began
and its after a big quake f'd the city
just like violence jack
then the narrator (revealed to be the t2 guy) sez after the sons won, thy hid the medallions to keep em from being sed for evil
then theres a minor quake
t2 sez the quake 7 years ago was something that helped him get bit
and now he has the double dragon
but see he only has 1 of the halfs
good music btw
he hold the half and it makes him have cr-ppy 90s effects on him
then its a kung fu match with marc desacvsos as jimmy lee
1st; in the games, billy had dark hair and jimmy was blonde
2nd; I assume their name is lee like Robert e lee and not the Asian lee
jimmy gets disqualified from the match after falling for taunts by the foes when the ref wasn't looking
so he attacks em
fighting at a kung fu tourney?! meshuggah!!
then we get news and adds wth vanna white
and andy dick is the weatherman that sez theres black rain hat dissolves people
also theres a cerfew
good to see that in the future los angelas is still a cesspool
that's what u get for voting democrat for decades
later billy and jimmy are driving after cerfew in the slums with a chick
they stop to help a chick but its really a guy
its a trap to lure victims in for a gang lead by bo abobo
abbo is a roid rager who can benchpress 800lbs
also billy and jilly have a car computer to tell em gag member stats
they want 50$ to let em go
and accept credit cards
is this a union?
so they book it with their rocket boosted car
abobo follows in his big a55 truck and gets their info from his car pc
the lees throw a map on abobo's windshield so abobo uses a cr-ppy 90s cg program to see em
btw abobo AND his homie laugh and talk like beavis and butthead
then the lees use a car of hairspray or spray cheese or w/e in their rocket booster and crash
but abono gets caught in a tight alley
abobo gets out and is gonna fight em but all these gang members come out behind em
some hidden in grafitti on da wall
ABOBO books it and marion played by allissa Milano is the gang leader in here
she wans em to team up with the lees to stop da other gangs
but they don't consent
then the chick tells e the lees dad was in an excavation of the medallion half they got that collapsed
chick snow looks after em
and the other piece was hidden where no one would find it
this half boost body power and the other half boosts soul power
you mean ki?
and it can turn people into someone as strong as steel
and its the sourse of much destruction
abobo tells t2 about the lees and they have the 2nd half
he hearly got it when wanting the 50$
t2 sez with the amulet, the city will be his
t2 has abobo have super roids against his will
in the news Madonna ditches her newest husband tom Arnold
and vice president jerry brown was in bangledesh
maions at home and the news sez her gang took out a plane
her dad b--ches about em but marion sez the plane might've been filled with drugs
she wears a wig and gang lifestyle from her dad whos a cop
she tries defending her gang but dad wont have it
later bimmy and jimmy are training a team move and t2 comes to their place
chick remembers t2 but he has a new name from then
a Japanese name
wow they got the 2000s right
whites wanting to be Japanese
and using Japanese names for their screen name
he reveals he has 1 medallion half and billy comes in with the other one on his neck
the bros run and chick fights t2
wow t2 slugs a woman
nowadays they queer out and have her defended or superior as they fear feminazies going on gee haad
the lees use 3 ninjas style cr-p to get away
t2 sez when the excavation collapsed he though chick bit it
hes unphased by her attacks and uses the half he has to turn into a shadow and go on the floor
then abobo comes in after the bros looking like a really cr-ppy power rangers guy
this is why u don't do drugs kids
hes like ivan ooze with aids
he makes pooty noises as he moves and thrown bricks bounce of him
chick knocks him away with a punching bag
but shes possessed by t2
imagine if he turned into liquid metal and poured himself in her and expanded her like in dbz with vegito and buu?
the bros lock her in a cage and he shadow runs out and away
why not possess the bro with the half and get it?
wait, he's in the room
he has his men pour gas and torches the place with chick in the cage
they get her out but t2 grabs em
so they slug him away and get out
she locks the bros outside and her in with t2
he slugs her out and teleports out
I know she's trying to catch him in with her to blow both with the place
but she did nothing to stop him
just stood in front of the door with the bros banging on it
and she freekin KNOWS he has the medallion powers
at least in dbgt when the good shadow dragon tried to stop omega shenron there was a chance it could've worked
he didnt know of omega's powers that saved him
the building goes up and the bros are thrown like 10 feet in da air
they are ok
but the chick went to h-ll
I gotta say, this movie has chutzpa actually having the bad guy actually ice someone
most pg movies are too candya55
look at agent cody banks or the master of disguise or the 3 ninjas or home alone or pokemon movies
this is more like the land before time or dragonball evolution
they could've easily said "he's captured" or "sent to another dimension"
here they wasted her
its like batman beyond
and the bad guys feel no same
so t2 wants to get the gangs to get the other half from the bros
even though they are still in the area and he has powers and can easily find and get hem right now
then marions bro is in a vr goggles thing in a cr-ppy roller coaster thing
they predicted that too
when I was in grade school in da 90s
I had an idea for a play about the future
where some kids play on 3d and vr Gameboys.
years later we got both happen in video games
then a buncha mad max rejects in not thunderdome are having a thing
someone wants to unite da gangs
oh its t2
he sez hes in command
and strangles a geezer who defies him in his  shadow mode
btw I think dats a ref to da final boss in double dragon 02 in arcades and sega genesis
holy cr-p I think he just killed that guy
onscreen killing
even the 1990 ninja turtles couldn't have that
the crowd love him now
oh and abobo survived a building going up with him in it
the lee bros (who should be named Robert and Englund) get bummed over the chick biting it
and not telling em about da medallion unto its too late
they argue and reconcile
jmmy figures as they got 8 hours of daylight, they have time til the gangs come out
then they run into gangs and kung fu fight in a junkyard
shouldn't this be a construction site?
just jump kick or elbow sash through em
wtf theres a gang on bikes
not motorbikes
they run and hide in a building a the gangs are busting in
but they find a motorcycle
it breaks
they get out in a boat and knock guys into the water
right after saying the water is deadly to touch
and a guy b4 splashed water on a fire and it burned bigger
then gang members go after em on jet skis
shouldn't they be surfing?
that's ninja turtles and shinobi
1 jet skier fires a missile that lights the cr-ppy l a water on fire
the fire blows a whole area of chemicals
the bros hit a sign and the oat blows
but the bros are safe in the poison water
1 sez if u drink it, u get the runs and ur hair falls
is it radioactive?!
da news sez the river caught fire again
but cops were attacked in daylight by gangs for going to investigate
why s the California news siding with cops being attacked?!
normally they side with thugs, drunk drivers, and killers who the cops try to stop
lol right after I typed dat, the news interviewing the cops side with the gangs
maybe they r misunderstood?
they have rights too
why are you aggravating da gangs?
this movie is accurate
put it on the history channel
and the cop responds b telling the news; theres 23 mins of daylight left
and they all book it
smarter than most reporters
at least these ones know the goons they defend will eat them alive if caught
so t2 flips out over them not finding the half and tells his men to go
and has linda lash to stay
are they gonna b0ne?
the bros wanna beat t2 and go to marion
at marions gang hq, she's force feeding abobo
good f so much fetish
btw how are ropes keeping him held?
he can bust through brick walls!!
so marion is forcefeeding him as torture to get info from him
nowadays that would be seen as bad
also abobo poots and marion locks him up so he has to breathe his own stink
da bros go to the marion hq and they fill eachother in
but she don't believe them about the medallion
billy has e try it at da same time and it does nothing
so they join marion
the gang swarms in t2's building and marion and da bros go in the vents
also shes in cut off jeans and the bros check out her a55
she plans to edit t2's gang info thing to make profits look unfair to cause chaos
that's how liberals try to spread hate in countries
make people fight over wealth and alleged unfairness
bros go off to get the other half
and marions dad is in a meeting with t2
he wants to team up
da bros try to get the half with a metal paper clip thing
and marions dad turns down t2s offer to team up and work for him
t2 gets the half and linda lash sees the paper clip thing and stabs the ceiling with a naginata
the bros and maruon fall out and t2 sees they are alive
linda lash (which sounds like a p0rn0 name) tries to ice em
but dad stops her
2 trix the bros into jumpin down a chute w/ ropes
and marion follows
the t2 with his half activated
the trio find bodies in the la they made abobo and 1 comes to life
dad takes out linda ash by crushing her under a heavy metal thing
the bros take out the guy revived by crushing him with a metal slab and t2 in shadow form shows up
they use a fan to suck him away but nearly get caught in it
btw the chick biting it and them after him for revenge was a ref to DD2 where marion gets gunned down
t2 possesses another body an hugs jimmy out cold as bimmy and marion escape
meanwhile, da gangs are busting the city at daytime
the cops made a truce with em to let em own da night
this is why you don't make deals with bad guys
i'm looking at you America from 09-16
dad cop wants to take back the streets
but other cops don't consent
t2 reveals he iced bimmy and jimmys dad to get the medallion
later back at da base main reveals the medallion kept t2  from getting billy bod
also they almost make out
but he bad gangs bust in
and they kung fu fight
oh and at the boat level, this guy ho was with abobo b4 lost an eye when billy or jimmy or w/e popped it with a metal rod as he looked in the shed the boat was in
now hes got an eye bandanna
eye removal in a kids movie?
bad a55
and they keep throwing gang guys in this lime green liquid in the base(I assume acid)
Alissa shoryuken's linda lash out
abobo sees how mutated he is in a mirror and goes nuts
he easily snaps out of his leg chain holding him
then jimmy is back but is controlled by t2 and fights billy
just like in the games
billy gets his a55 kicked
t2 as jimmy tells the story of romules and remis from greek history
odd enough, t2 as jimmy punches open a double dragon arcade machine in the fight
this gang has an arcade?!
they ripped off tmnt!
billy throws away his half but it turns into 90s cg and returns to him
jimmy t2 kicks billy through a concrete wall
but hes ok as he turned on his half
t2 sez give him it or jimmy bites it
and tries crushing jimmy with heavy cr-p
but billy saves him
why not just punch a hole in urself as jimmy?
billy tries beating the t2 outta jimmy
it works
but t2 gets the other half and combines em
btw the 2 halfs of a gold thing was used in Yugioh gx season 2(ep 20ish to 30ish)
t2 clones himself and becomes shadow wariors
the fight da bros with swords
abobo comes out and reveals t2 is weak to light
btw star trek discovery ripped this off
and his swords burn away anything that touches em
allysia millanion turns on a generator and the lights weaken em
the bros use their team move and beat him together
they get the halfs and link em
then get cr--ppy red and blue outfits and the chick tells em to guard the powers or w/e
btw this was done in star wars and transformers the 86 movie when obi wan and optimus told luke and rodimus in da final battle
now they have dragon ball powers and beat on t2 as he jokes
jimmy possesses t2 and maes him punch himself
this is so bad I smiled
then cop dad comes in and jmmy as t2 gives dad cop a check for millions
dad cop arrests t2 and the night cops arrive
t2 wants da check back and sez; if u think i'm bad, wait til u meet my lawyers!
he sez it in such a great way I smiled
so over da top
marion gives da bros a powered up car
da dragon wagon
and abobo who's still a mutant is good now
then they drive off with abobo driving to 90s music
paul dini did the story!?
but he did batman the animated series!!
btw if t2 couldn't beat the bros with the amulet, wat challenge could he pose vas them with it?!
the end
I gotta say
I enjoyed it
good 90s fun
cheesy and silly with good action
they had the chutzpa to ice someone
eye removal
this movie wasn't as bad as everyone said
the t2 guy gave a good show with fun and sometimes bada55 moments
and he's not some goofy super Mario bad guy who cant do sh-t
hes a real threat multiple times while still being able to make us grin
the opposite of lothor in power rangers ninja storm
if u liked 90s cheese, this is for u
for double dragon 2 I want the main bad guy from the 1st to have a trial but got away with it and sued the city for false cr-p and won with his sneaky lawyers. now the city is bankrupt and has gone full 3rd world. no running water. no power. no cops. abobo wants revenge on him for mutating him into a grotesque abomination but his body starts mutating worse. soon he's a mess of bones and organs that's bullet proof and eats people by dissolving them into him like john carpenters the thing. the movie follows him and his adventures going through the sewers as a mushy pile as he tries to find his way to the bad guys fortress and fights other mutants and deformed animals in there. its also a 16 bit sega genesis and super Nintendo game where you play as him trying to find his way to the boss for a cure and finding out eating the dragon brothers will return him to human forme.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Breakdown Review

note; never even heard of this til I saw it was on tv. don't expect great speling
this is my review of breakdown from 1997
ooh its by aaron spelling
he did 90210
so this has kurt russel from the thing and escape from new York
it starts with credits while a car drives in some mad max desert h-llscape (I think soviet californa)
kurt drives
this is how the hills have eyes started
he looks off da road for a sec and a car drives in front of him from nowhere and nearly kills him
this is why I don't drive
1 mistake and everyone on the road goes to h-ll
at a gas station he talks to a cowboy
its the guy he nearly killed
kurt leaves and his woman bought junk food at da gas shop
1 item she got has a contest
if u win, u get either 90 000 $ or 90 000 donuts
does kurt ruissel like fat chix?
his car then f's out in da road and his 80s brick phone has no signal
they reveal they r changing jobs
the cowboy drves bu then turns around at em
but a truck comes by and cowboy books it
this is just like wrong turn
but less inbreeding and cannibalism
so far...
trucker sez new cars often overheat when pushed too hard
wife goes with trucker to a diner to call a toe truck
later kurt notices his car has a cut wire under it and fixes it, which fixes the car
why is wires to the engine hanging under da car?
he goes to da diner but no one seen his woman
this is how twilight zone eps start
he tells to if they see her to tell her hes looking for her and to stay put
then goes to da next town
on da way there he finds the truck but it wont pull over
after nearly hitting an RV, he drives in front of truck and makes him stop
but trucker sez he never saw kurt b4
kurt gets a cop and they tell him their thing
cop chex the truck but its empty
kurt freaks out and checks da truck
cop sez kurt maybe got trucker mixed up or kurts wife ditched his a55
trucker leaves and cop sez to kuret to see his deputy in town to file a report
man, we're 30 mins in with adds
but not much happened
he goes there but finds they cant do sh-t for him
he goes back to the diner and the owner sez ne didn't see her
a redneck has him check the girls room and he finds a drunk possible h00ker barfing
kurt snaps and checks owners order slips w/o consent
so owner pulls a gun on him and kurt leaves
why he pull a gun for dat?!
an inbred guy reveals he saw kurets woman in a truck with a guy up by da river
and da cops  in on it
he drives and talks on his cr-ppy celphobe asking for his homie to get f bi help
but homie don't care
he comes 2 a fence and cowboy comes at him with a gun
so he drives through da fense and through woods which ae in the desert
he nearly crashes into a construction thing and drives off a cliff into a river
better have his car go to beast mode
cowboy tries to j fk him bt he ditches his car and swims
then he goes through rapids
good think he's snake plisskin
he gets away and another trucker comes by and gets curtes car
kurt then is k o ed by inbred guy and wakes up in a car trunk
cowboy and a blonde guy have him at gunpoint and want a lotta cash from him
his woman sed they have much cash and hes a donot king
he sez its 90 000 and they want him to wire them the 90 000
the big boss sez they called in a fake accident and heres only 2 cops in town
it'll take 50 mins for him to return and that's how long he has to get a dough
he does 1 thing wrong, they chop up and mail her to him
at da bank he wants to advance his credit the whole 6000 $
and his 5 000 in da bank
but the limit is 500 for credit
he almost tells this turtle looking bank guy but this redneck comes by and sits near him
so he just sez he had a car thing
this is pretty good
turtle guy uses the phone and kurt goes to the toilet and nealry gets a plunger to beat guys wth
he gets a pen and some paper at turtle guys desk an leaves but hears a pay phone
he answers it an sez he got all 90 000
phone tells him to get in a coming car
he walks and is carrying a bag
cowboy in truck stops him and he gives da cash
then tapes kurts hands and drives with him on the front floor w/o a seat belt
kurt uses the letter opener her jacked that I thought was a pen to cut da tape
cowboy notices something with da money and kurt shanks him in the neck with the opener
I think he has a buncha doller bills inside and a big bill outside
if this were in soviet canada there wouldn't be doller bills and all the money is colored different based on value
he tapes cowboy to the seat by da neck and drives and stops to kinda lynch him to get info on his woman
shes in a truck with some guy
a cop pulls over kurt and makes him lay down but cowboy gets out and caps cop
but cop caps him back
cop call in his capping and kurt books it to save his woman
he goes to a truck stop and theres too many trucks
he finds big boss and hears him on da payphone saying to bring his woman as he heard the cop say shots fired and redneck is late
kurt hides under big boss's truck and crawls under it as it drives
his gun falls out of his a55 pants
then he spidermans on da side of it
good tension
btw this plot is a lot like that Schwarzenegger film made 12 years b4 this commando
later big boss stops at his farm and he has a woman and child
he seems like a nice dad
gives his kid a swiss army knife
kurt ides in da barn and the other guys come in
they say they got a couple in ohio
they bring out klurts woman in a sack and she thrashes around
they lock her in the celler like evil dead 2
they go but kurt goes through their stuff and takes a gun
he goes in their home and therres someone playing doom
he confronts the homies and sez dads a killer
but kid comes in and holds him at riflepoint
dad eggs kid to ice kurt but kurt kicks the gun and it caps a homie
inbred guy runs and kurt has em free his wife
she was in an icebox
big boss seza hes gonna get kurt so kurt kicks him out and locks em in the celler
the blonde inbred guy gets the baddz out and kurt calls da cops
1 guy drives a truck through the trai;ler home kurt and woman hide in
they get out and drive off in a yellow truck
inbred blonde comes at em in their car and another homie in a cr-ppy car
they ram eachothers cr-pmobiles and inbred blonde gets blown in a car flip
big boss in his truck chases em on a bridge and is pushing em off it
they pinned on the rail of the bridge and womans leg is caught
so kurt gets out and fights big boss in his truxck and it goes over the bridge
they climb up as truck dangles and big boss ties a chain on his arm and whips kurt
kurt pulls chain and bog boss falls and bites it
kurt gets woman out b4 the car goes over the bridge(the car doesn't fal)
wife pulls a thing and truck falls and crushes big boss's bod
wasn't he already dead?
u wanna set it on fire next?
the film ends with them hugging in the middle of nowhere on a bridge
the end
the woman was in the hills have eyes remake
to quote jack skellington; how queer! and who would ever think? and why?
but this was pretty good
good suspense and tension
good flow
good pacing
good acting
good stunts
and the good guys intentionally ice someone
its like a less violent commando meets the hills have eyes
kurt russel is pretty cool in here
not as bad a55 as snake or Macready
but more realistic
i'm glad I stayed up til 4 am to watch his
and theres no lust or gore
well... on the fox 29 ver anyway
for breakdown 2 I want it to pick up where the 1st left off and they are in the midle of nowhere and the woman is crippled from her leg wound. no one knows thy are there and kurt russel aint leaving his wife after the 1st thing. so they need to go back together. as he cant break metal, he uses the remans of he guy under the truck to make weapons and a splint for his woman and bone armor incase they run into anything. on the ay back, they are stalked by the kid of the guy under the truck who wants to ice em for wasting his dad. the rest of the movie is a survival horror cat and mouse as the kid keeps trying to cripple em so he can torture em dead as he's snaped after finding out his dad was a killer. its also a 32 bit survival horror game on sega Saturn, n64 and playstation and 3do and you gotta get across the desert and take out the kid with his various animal homies

Friday, June 22, 2018

Algiers Review

note; I never saw this b4. but I hear its good. still gonna spell bad though
yhis is my review on Algiers (1938 ver)
its based on a book pepe le moko about some Frenchie or something
I hear it inspired pepe le pew from looney toons
the french skunk who tries to mo lest cats
well... he IS French lol
its from director of caged, a women in prison movie
ooh  also did anna and the king of siam
now i'm interested
it stars Charles boy er from gaslight who later suicided
and (dynamite ) heddy lamarr who was an inventor from Austria
so after some credits dat include Charles d brown (Charlie brown?!) we get text
in the casbah, a place between Europe and Africa) crooks and scum live
1 guy named pepe le moko is hunted by the French cops for jackng a buncha jewels
the cops arrive and ant a house to house search
in America we hav laws against dat
but the French are unamerican
maybe saving them from zee Kaiser wasn't da best idea
a guy describes the casbah as a packed slum of multiculturalism
and its built so anyone can go anywhere w/o using da street
and pepe is there
1 guy in a hat comes in and sez he sees pepe every day
and is learning of him
later pepe is getting a pearl
btw I think moko is Japanese for mongol
like in Hokuto no ken how Uyghur the warden of Cassandra's best move is; moko hyakyoku do!
pepe, who imma call moko now as its easier to type, talks with his homies
later the cops come and everyone scatters
1 guy is grabbed b da neck and interrogated and gives a guy a note that sez grand pear, a stolen good buyer
if cops did that in America they'd be lynched by the malcontent media and their drones
btw; grand pear sounds like a title in a  fruit version of the klan
grabbed guy named regis tells a chick the cops r after moko
so the chick warns moko but the cops surround their place
then open fire through the walls w/o any heat vision camera to see whos in it
moko talks with chick over if she told anyone but she sez no
grand pear gets em out and the cops bust in to an empty room
mko gives chick a ring but its too big
so she wants to get fat for it to fit
moko likes fat chicks
also; you'll grow into it
so guys run and cops chase and open fire
as this happens, heady is out and hat guy saves her
hat guy sez hes a cop to her
then moko comes in and checks out headdys jewels and looks
good camera work
like a silent film
hat works with moko
and they hall have a smoke as its da 30s
in the 90s they'd have mcdonalds
or having beers
moko goes and hat tells heady he weoite the date of mokos arrest on his wall
and moko's gonna bite it
later a cop sez in last nights thing, they capped moko and he might bite it
but he's guys just blowing smoke out his a55
regis sez they can get moko's homies to get moko
he wants to arrest a guy and keep it secret so when moko comes looking, they gon get him
later moko and hat are out for a walk
hat sez heady is into him
and later heady talks to and the chick comes back to chat
she likes the casbah but he cant stand it
and he wants to go back to soviet france
she starts going mental on him then cries
well, women do go nuts often when triggered
later a female comes in saying his homie pee ay row is missing
so moko goes to see regis
I think he drugs regis or something and his homies suggest shaving him
moko is onto regis and regis freaks out
the homies play cards with him until they can get back pee ay row
later moko chats with heady and they smoke
they dance and chat and find they are both from the same place
then she has to go but he makes her say please like some kind of sociopath
oh and he wants to meet her tomorrow
they find pee ay row and moko talks with the chick who I think is getting jealous
pee ay row comes in with a gun at regis and blacks out
but still caps him
its sorta like a horror movie
and regis hits a player piano and it plays cheerful music
I think pee ay row bit it
layer moko feels bummed about his homie going to h-ll
1 of his homies goes on a tirade
and moko is starting to get p-ssed by being in the casbah
grand pear sez mokos going to a trap and  Mokpo don't care
he runs out and chick stops him saying heady is waiting for him at his old house
but she reveals she did something to keep him in the casbah as he wouldn't stay for her
they mellow out and get along
moko goes and sez bye to heady
she wont come back to meet him buit he sez he wont leave da casbah
later he tells someone he wants to meet tomorrow at 5
one of his homies asks what moko was doing in some place
he sez he was in paris
I think he means in bed
later moko is singing some half French half normal song
so hat outs heady that moko is b0ning her to her future husband
husband future grills heady and forbids her from going to the casbah to b0ne pee le moko
and if she goes she might as well not back
hat tells her he's trying to save her from what will happen
moko's homie is going somewhere and sez he'd be back in 2 hours
but doesn't
then its 9 am
wtf theres a fat chick here
they call her tania in the captions
for a sec I thought it was the chick who wanted to get fat for the ring
turns out the homie got caught by da cops
the guy who told him also sez he didn't take the caught homies cash and might know heady
and he saw the ash taken from homie put in a drawer 
moko reveals he didn't give his homie cash and the teller is lying
moko grabs him and forces him to tell da truth
the husband told heady moko bit it
and both are going out today
I gotta say
1st; they try to make the guy this 5kank is cheeting on her future husband with look sympathetic
2nd; he's a thief and outlaw
yet he's the good guy
and people hate violence jack cuz he chopps up kids being held hostage to get the killer holding em
the chick tries to stop moko from going to see the heady
he's cheeting on the chick too!
this guys an animal!
but moko goes after heady anyway
chick reveals to hat she'd rather moko bites it than goes with someone else
and shes betrayed him
crazy b--ch!
theres so much wrong with that I don't know where to start
Momoko finds heady and future husband in a bar and the cops get moko
its hat
moko sez "not here" and they move a few steps own and cuff his a55
oh he was on a boat looking in the bar
moko wants to stay til the boat goes
he looks out the bars in handcuffs in a good silent film looking scene
heady looks out and as moko calls her name, the boat blows its horn
he runs after her but a cop caps him
hat sez; sorry, my cop thought u were gonna escape
he sez he has, and bites it
then we see the boat is too far away to see human faces on or from t
the end
I kinda thought it was ok
not super great
but good atmosphere
good feel
good camera work
good visuals
I think moko was supposed to be like arsene lupin
the characters do scummy things like cheeting on eachother like springer guests
but the movie is well and has good pacing
I like how the women going mental over some guy she's gay for wasn't shown as right
nowadays she's be seen as a victim instead of a nut
cant have evil chicks vs good guys anymore
look at how they made the Disney film about sleeping beauty revisioned as the black magic chick as the hero
what next?
gacy; America's hero ??!!
for Algiers 2 I want for pepe le moko to wake up but hooked up to primitive machines to keep him alive. his cop friend in the hat has faked him being dead with a pressure point when he was holding him as he felt bad about hi man capping him. he snuck him away and uses what machines he can get there to keep him alive as he recovers. moko wants to go out after the heady girl but don't wanna wait until he's healed so hat homie snaps his arms and legs to keep him there. the rest of the movie is him using his esp powers to astral project on a journey to find his gf heady and going through fighting astral daemons that want his soul. its also a 16 bit game on sega genesis and snes and Atari jaguar and sega cd where he goes around soul places trying to find items that let him find heady and trying to avoid astral daemons and fighting them in soul battles with soul ki blasts.

Monday, June 18, 2018

Life With Father Review

note; I spell like the dad in here is; my way
life with FATHER
this is my review o life with father (40s ver(was there a remake?))
its got William powell from my man godfrey (yays ) and bridge on the river kwai(noiooo)
its based on a play that's based on the writewrs life in da 1800s
so it starts with a viewmaster of 1800s life in pre soviet new York
this also has Elizabeth Taylor and zasu pitta from erich von stroheims greed
ooh its by Michael curtiz
the original play haD minor swear words like shadow the hedgehog
but here its cleaned up by saying blast(like in 90s dbz)
so the day starts and the dad has his servents making things up to code
the mom tells the new maid how to do things
1 by 1 the sons come down
maid does some had ritual when she notices they are redheads
I assume its so she doesn't turn
we don't see the dad on camera right away
they're doing a ninja turtles 1 thing\ where they don't show it
1 kid is training for his catechism and mentions if he weren't baptized he wouldnt have a name
1 kid has a damaged suit and dad suggests son wears his clothes
dad don't put too much care about if his kid gets confirmed
and acts like he'd have earthly sway in heaven for letting his kids in
he gets stressed at the new ma being cr-ppy and maid gets weepy
he compliments the cook on good bacon and checks his kids cut finger
the cut kid wont eat his oatmeal but dad has none of that
he's a good guy and cares
but dont put up with cr-p
they go through a breakfast with little things mentionened that will come up later
I've seen this movie b4
its good
mom invited her fam over but dad don't like having others in his home
mom wants more cash from dad but he tries to keep the bookkeeping in order
a church guy is coming soon but dad wants to avoid him
dad reads the paper about mayor hugh grant f ing the city up
then talks to himself as if talking to hugh grant
I do stuff like dat too
he b--ches about fools and democrats ruining things
while talking about having hugh grant arrested for ruining the city, the new maid comes by and thinks hes talking to her and freaks out
reminds me of that time Toronto mayor rob ford got drunk after watching too much wwf and went on a thing of being able to beat candy a55 Justin Trudeau
he wanted a rowdy roddy piper rage in a cage death match where 2 go in but 1 survives
then bragged about how he'd win as he'd kill him, poke his eyes out, and f--k him when hes dead in said battle
this is why I don't drink
so new maid quits and dad goes to get a new one
after he goes, moms fam comes
its Elizabeth taylor and mom
I think the mom of e t is zasu
e t isn't related to em
I think
e t starts getting into the son named after the dad
I call him jr like garlic jr from dbz
e t plays a girly girl as opposed to a malcontent feminist
so shes likable in here
so then dad goes to the maid thing, goes in to the woman zone and chooses a maid
the secritary wants to know the character of the home the maid is gonna work at
dad sez; I AM the character of da home
also he ignores the secretary when she tries to stop him
he's assertive, bold, brave and bada55
but a god guy inside who cares
so back at home the church guy (I think their priest) is helping the kid with his catechism
he wonders why dad never kneels
sounds like an anime character like raoh from fist of the north star
so dad returns and priest wants him to donate 5000$ as that's how much his pew cost
dad b--ches about how the market changed and its worth 3000$ now
and the church is raising funds for a new church or something
then zasu and e t come in from shopping all day
oh and the maid uniform didn't fit the one dad chose so they got a new one
despite mom trying to keep it in the closet zasu reveals shes staying with em all week
dad gets p-ssed and wants em to go to a hotel
but relents
then plays piano
I wonder
this is 83
and he's like in his 40s
was he in the civil war?
he gets p-ssed that he cant have dinner at home as mom wants them to go out with the guests
man we're only 45 mins in w/ adds
so jr and e t chat about colors
she might go to college but jr sez he don't mind if they wanna WASTE TIME b4 getting married
nowadays some feminazi would go on gee haaad over dat
she plays piano but its discovered shes Methodist and hes Episcopalian
nowadays one would have some non Christian religion and the Christian would convert to it
they play a song together but it don't synchro
then e t remembers her dad was Episcopalian and only turned to be with her mom
nowadays 1 of em would be illegitimate to be an interfaith kid
at dinner dad reveals hes not been baptized
mom; but everyones been baptized
me; if only
dads rents were freethinkers and let him choose for himself
at home mom tries to get him baptized
but he thinks he can be Christian and not need it
1 kid sez as dad wasnt baptized he has no name
mom sez they aint really married
holy cr-p they are illegitimate!!
might as well be monkeys in the trees b0ning forever
at church the priest talks about baptism
and how unreal it would be for a man to be adult yet not baptized
da gets a bit unsettled
once on cnn Anderson cooper was talking with a guy after a deadly thing
and the guy kept bringing it back to God and His goodness
and Anderson(a denier ) kept trying to sheepishly change the subject
and the guy wouldn't have it and stayed the course
its like a drunk talking with a dr about how to live longer
and the dr keeps talking about healthy livers
after church dad still isn't moved enuff to change
lol dad sed he don't go to church to be preached at like some lost sheep
btw this film is fullscreen and in good 40s color
so later zasu and e t are going
and jr cant kneel in church anymore as he's wearing dads suit and he cant do anything dad wouldn't do
and while playing musical chars a girl sat on his lap and he jumped up
so jr and e t go outside and wanna write eachother
but she wants him to write 1st
also he's acting more like dad
his ki is in the clothes and affecting him
and she still wants him to write 1st cuz he's a guy
she sits on his lap and he don't wanna get a b0ner in his dads pants and tells her to get off
she freaks out as shes a girl and they always take things the wrong way
he goes to dad to get help ad sz he needs new clothes
he realizes its cuz of the girl (but not like dat) and starts telling him about women
he expilains how men are better at running things as women don't think right
and that if a man thinks somethings wrong, he shouldn't do it
and women try to twist things to be about men loving them
and to be firm
and to let em now he's doing it for their own good
jr asks if dad is gonna teach him about WOMEN
but dad sez theres some things gentlemen don't discuss
jr tries being firm with e t but shes too mental to listen
later dad confronts mom about blowing a lot of cash on a coffee pot
but she keeps giving him the run around
he reveals she spend more cash
she gets all weepy and he sez hes doing it for her own good
he sez he'd pay the bill and she sez she'll do better
he sez tats all he wants
after some issue with him not having a name so his checks aint right, he eventually gives her 1.5 dollers
later jr wants money and is willing to sell his brother his piece of john wilkes booth's finger
that item is good enuff to have a movie about how he got it
then zasu and e t leave
later the youngest is told by the 2nd youngest that dads going to h-ll and will burn for 1000 years for not being baprtized
youngest starts freaking out
oh and jr wrote to e t
dad gets a letter from e t thinking its for him
then burns it
this is why you don't name ur kids ur name jr
look at garlic jr
also mom is feeling cr-ppy
dad tells het to tough it out and she runs upstairs weepy
oh amnd jr saves the letter from the fireplace
meanwhile, the 1st and 2nd born bros get into selling medicine from a guy and put some in moms tea
she gets sicker and dad is called home from work and the dr sez she seems to be poisoned
dad comforts his kids and helps 1 with his catechism
after a bit, he has the catechism one go to study more and is gonna spend time with the youngest
the youngest asks if they will put dad into h-ll
so he has the catechism son take the youngest with him
later the priest comes in and wants dad to be baptized
dad wants priest to lie to mom about baptism being needed for marriage
dad wants mom to get better and priest prays for her
but dad gets p-ssed at priest calling mom a sinner
then yells at God to give her mercy
she comes down and he promises to be baptized
lr she's doing better and shopping with da kidz
she buys a f'd looking dog statue
later the medicine bros find the medicine guy paid em in medicine
mom ants dad to be baptized but he sed he only said it to get her well
then he sees the dog and wants it out
he sez he'd never be baptized as long as its in their home
mom thinks he means he'd get baptized after its gone and has jr send it back
and jr gets her to have the credit from the dog go to a suit that costs the same
and mom has him order a carriage for the baptism at 2$ an hour
later mom and dad have a loving moment and sing
also he sez he always loved being married to her
this is so positive
moves my heart
later dad is p-ssed they are charging him for the suit is being charged when he returned the fake dog
and the medicine the boys sold killed someones dog
the say it saved mom but dad realizes it nearly iced her
and they gotta pay a dr bill or something of 138$
then zasu and e t return
mom wants dad to get baptized as she returned the dog
oh wait
I f'd up
only now do they find they gave medicine to da mom
and the 138 $ was to buy back the medicine they sold people
did finds out the cab costs 2 $ an hour and the ride will take all AM
so he decides to get baptized
and blames zasu and e t
when a guy asks if he's going to the office he sez; i'm going to be baptized!
but in the play he swears after that
but the movie cuts it
the end
that was fun
a good mostly clean movie
no violence or lust
nice 40s fun
set in the 80s
the 1880s
I always liked 1800s movies
something magical about that time
William powell did great in here and this movie got Oscar noms
the dad is such a character
hes like me but needs more religion
for life with father 2 I want it to be ww1 and the dad is now 70. he is high rank now and has become mayor of new York and wants to support the Kaiser as he knows the brits are evil. he's constantly talked about by the media over little things made to make him sound nuts. yet the people love him. soon the media cant take it and sides with England to try to bring him down with an assassin like the brits did to Rasputin. but Rasputin's ghost comes to him and becomes soul armor and gives him super abilities and he takes out the hit man and debones him until he reveals its the media and brits who sent him. so he goes out to bring them down in his Rasputin ghost armor. its also an 8 bit Gameboy, sega master system, game gear and nes game where you play as the dad and go to media places and take the guys down as they come at you with pens and paper blades that can paper cut through wood.

Saturday, June 16, 2018

The Box Review

note; my keyboard is f ing out at times
the box
this is my review on the box (from 2009 )
its got Cameron diaz and the guy who did cyclops in x men
its based on a twilight zone episode from da 80s I never saw
we start with text about some item
then its virginia 1976
super widescreen
half my tv is black bars
at 5 45 am the door bell rings
a car drives away and theres a box on the step
their place looks like machauly culkins place from home alone 01
cam and cyclops kid domt believe in santa
in da box is a wood square and a note dat sez at 5 they will get called
lol the kid looks a bit like the kid in the omen 2
cam plays a 35 year old mom
I bet her kids friends lust after her
later cam talks about a view that h-ll is other people
1 kid is a smarta55 and comments on drews cripply foot
he wants to see it
cripple fetish?
turns out she is missing 4 toes
amputee fetish
cant he just be into fat chicks like everyone else?
later theres a science thing and a feminist looking woman asks why the n sa is in town
I think the science thing might look for space life
later cam is let go for budget cuts
and her boss's nose leaks blood
no danny DeVito didn't bite it
oh cyclops is working 4 nasa
later this guy with an f;d part of his face stops by
maybe he got it in nam?
he comes in and gives her a key
it opens da wood thing
if she presses the button on it, someone she don't now will bite it
but she'd get 1 million dollars
is this a grimms fairy tale?
he gives her 1 100$ bill as thanx for letting him in
and he gives her 3 rules
1; he cant reveal his employer
2; she cant tell anyone besides her husband
3; she has 24 hours
so is this an assassination?
getting paid to wack someone?
btw this could be seen as a 1st world view on the 3rd world
many people are ok with those seen as lesser than them biting it if they get to keep their cushy lives
now i'm catholic so i'm not big on killing the innocent
if someones a mo lester or serial killer, then taking him out is saving others
but sacrificing an innocent life just to have an easier time is just evil
at work cyclops sez cam broke her toe when a barbell fell on her foot
then at the dr's he forgot about her and lef the x ray machine on
it cooked her foot and she had em removed
and as its da 50s they took a thing of skin off her thigh to cover the dead foot
she had to be in a cast for weeks for it to grow back
then cyclops finds he's rejected for an astronaught job for mental reasons
at home she filled him in off camera
he don't buy it
they go to a play and suspect hes a nut who uses this device as a way to justify icing people
at home cyclops takes apart the thing and finds its empty
that's a good idea; opening a killer machine
she don't wanna push da button w/o cyclops's input
man we're 30 mins in and nothing happened
oh and cam sed the face guy sed when he takes it back he reprograms it
I honestly have no idea where this is going
that twilight zone writer had some f'd ideas
but they made you think
I like the idea of a full length twilight zone ep
that's basically what planet of the apes 01 was
I bet this movie has some f'd twist
although often the twilight zone twist was either; they are already dead, or; it was earth all along
cam sez they wont get that much money again and it can help them mAKE things better
the road to h-ll is paved with good intentions
and cam needs foot surgery but they need cash
later 1 guy gets a call dat someone got abducted
later cyclops sez he tested the 100$ bill at work and its real
now he assumes its all real
they wonder who will bite it if they push
then cam randomly slaps the button
good f man
then the cops go to a home and someone with a gun took someone out
they go upstairs and find a f'd looking girl
that kinda freaked my a55 out
here crazy eyes
then f'd face comes by their home
he gets back their key and gives em 1 million $$
blood money
cyclops tries to return the cash but f'd face wont take it
he gets the guys liscence plate
but f'd face is gonna give it to someone they don't know
they suspect they're next to get iced
the cops talk about the chick iced and her husband worked for nasa
the butt thickens
for xmas cyclops makes cam a custom shoe to walk in w/o toes
later they go to a dinner thing
cyclops gets to choose a gift and these creepy people somehow have him choose a box
it has a photo of f'd face b4 his face got f'd
at home the son has cyclops sci fi comics and shows the baby sitter cyclops mars cr-p
the Viking thing uses radio to send date which is turned into photos
what an age we live in
oh and cyclops knows arthur c Clarke
oh and the id with the amputee fetish is there
cyclops asked the cops about the liscence plate
then f'd face calls and sez he knows
and things will continue until the thing is reprogrammed
cyclops hassles amputee fetish who laughs at him
this kid is giving me a clockwork orange vibe
a cyclops and cam leave but the kid gives another peace sign
and their car has "no exit" wrote on its windshield
later cyclops takes baby sitter home and she notices theres BLOOD ON HIS HANDS
he sez he was in a fghjt and she asks if someones PUSHING HIS BUTTONS
then something about a light
then se blacks out
I think its like in AKIRA where the kids got that chick to talk 4 em
she revives and sez hes gotta book it
she runs through a building with people coming out of their rooms and her nose drips blood
cyclops has her drivers liscnce and it sez everything they know of her is wrong
 his basement poster of some science thing, cyclops sees the face from the photo he got of un-f'd f'd face
later f'd face calls hrer and sez hes looking at her from the backyard
and there is a guy who looks like the guy splashed with toxic waste in Robocop 01 byut b4 the waste there
he walks away like he don't have a soul
that creeped by a55 out
later the n sa talks to nasa about wanting stuff
and the cop cyclops gave the plate info to sez its a guv plate for a n sa
and tells him about the chick who got capped
later the feminist sez to cam that everyone under 40 with a kid are monitered and not to trust anyone but her husband
then she bites it I think
cyclop checks out the chick who bit its place and I think pockets a polaroid
cam goes to this place and also there is cyclops
right when he finds a book with a news clipping of a nasa guy hit by lightening, everyone in there activates
and they follow him
one of us! one of us! gooble gobble! gooble gobble!
cam watches film (oh theyre in a library) as cyclops tries to escape
in a crowded room he finds a woman who sez this place is for employees only
and she's f;d faces wife
and she sez hes testing everyone
she gives him 3 ways out that only 1 is right
then her eyes go black, she nosebleeds and uses the force
water rises from the ways out
f'd face meets cam and sez he was hit by lightening
and communicates with whoever controls lightening
you mean zeus?
cam sez she feels bad about here f'd foot and for f'd face's f'd face
to be fair, scars are cool
so the 3 paths have the wrong one lead to basically going to h-ll
cyclops chooses number 2
he goes through a light and then he's in a cube of water over cams bed
which them bursts and soaks da room
oh and cam took f'd faces hand and teleported
but their son (they were in their room at home) sez they came in like zombies
this reminds me of batman beyond with spellbinder using that flash to mind control people
remember that one?
cyclops and f'd face played perry white and his son or w/e in superman returns
later a guy tells someone f'd face bit it after being lightening hit after the Viking mars transmission
but revived and heals fast and has powers
wow this is like a bad marvel comics character
later the guy who told the backstory asks f;d face why a box?
he gives a list of thngs we use that are boxes
and he gives info to his mysterious employers
and the only way to win the test is to not push da button
after enough tests its over
but there will be more
and if people don't put others above themselves, his employers will wipe em out
is this a pro life movie?
later at a dinner or w/e, cyclops sez words cant describe the light he was in
and its basically heaven
later cyclops comes out feeling ill and a guy kidnaps him at gunpoint
his kid comes out looking for him and so does cam
but both are caught by guys
kidnaper sez how they can take out the thing controlling f'd face
and how f'd face has a portal in this pool by a hotel
and his wife pressed the button so he iced her to save their daughter
then they stop as theres a santa ringing a bell in the road
then a snowplow nails em
wtf is going on?!
its like they realized they ran outta time and gotta cram everything into the last act
later cam and cyclops return home and f'd face is there
he se he's sorry they pushed the button
and their sons eyes are ears broke
but he can heal the kid by capping cam
what is this? saw?!
cyclops is gonna cap f'd face but he sez it wont save their kid
and he's go to jail and his boss would send another
oh and the 1 million dollars would be in an interest trust for their kid if he caps her
and their kid is locked in the bathroom
oh and cyclops sez f'd face showed him the afterlife
meanwhile someone else pushes the button and cyclops caps cam
see you in h-ll drew Barrymore
then the cops are called and f'd face visits the chick who pressed da button
the guy told the f'd faces story tells cyclops his kid will be taken care of and the credits play to dramatic music
that was pretty good
the original story ended with the guy telling the button pusher; the box will be given to someone u don't know
here they added a long 2nd and 3rd act and made it about aliens
this movie kinda creeped me out with the soulless guys and music
man the music is kinda like the shinning from the simpsons
or cape feare
but this movie had good themes
good fear
and good acting
good horror without lust or gore or swearing
like the twilight zone
for the box 2 I want it to be the 90s and the kid has been raised to be a super human warrior by the fd face guy's mnions. he's gotten some esp like spidermans spider sense and is big and buff like hulk Hogan. then its revealed that the plan was to get these kids and raise em to be warriors to fight the alien who owns the f'd face guy's space enemies. he was cast out of his society for not fitting in and had an elaborate plan to take over his planet with super human warriors. the rest f the movie is the kid in a space corps group fighting the alien planet space monsters. its also a 16 bit run and gun game on sega genesis and snes like gunstar heroes where up to 4 players blast through several levels of this la blue girl like planet