Saturday, June 16, 2018

The Box Review

note; my keyboard is f ing out at times
the box
this is my review on the box (from 2009 )
its got Cameron diaz and the guy who did cyclops in x men
its based on a twilight zone episode from da 80s I never saw
we start with text about some item
then its virginia 1976
super widescreen
half my tv is black bars
at 5 45 am the door bell rings
a car drives away and theres a box on the step
their place looks like machauly culkins place from home alone 01
cam and cyclops kid domt believe in santa
in da box is a wood square and a note dat sez at 5 they will get called
lol the kid looks a bit like the kid in the omen 2
cam plays a 35 year old mom
I bet her kids friends lust after her
later cam talks about a view that h-ll is other people
1 kid is a smarta55 and comments on drews cripply foot
he wants to see it
cripple fetish?
turns out she is missing 4 toes
amputee fetish
cant he just be into fat chicks like everyone else?
later theres a science thing and a feminist looking woman asks why the n sa is in town
I think the science thing might look for space life
later cam is let go for budget cuts
and her boss's nose leaks blood
no danny DeVito didn't bite it
oh cyclops is working 4 nasa
later this guy with an f;d part of his face stops by
maybe he got it in nam?
he comes in and gives her a key
it opens da wood thing
if she presses the button on it, someone she don't now will bite it
but she'd get 1 million dollars
is this a grimms fairy tale?
he gives her 1 100$ bill as thanx for letting him in
and he gives her 3 rules
1; he cant reveal his employer
2; she cant tell anyone besides her husband
3; she has 24 hours
so is this an assassination?
getting paid to wack someone?
btw this could be seen as a 1st world view on the 3rd world
many people are ok with those seen as lesser than them biting it if they get to keep their cushy lives
now i'm catholic so i'm not big on killing the innocent
if someones a mo lester or serial killer, then taking him out is saving others
but sacrificing an innocent life just to have an easier time is just evil
at work cyclops sez cam broke her toe when a barbell fell on her foot
then at the dr's he forgot about her and lef the x ray machine on
it cooked her foot and she had em removed
and as its da 50s they took a thing of skin off her thigh to cover the dead foot
she had to be in a cast for weeks for it to grow back
then cyclops finds he's rejected for an astronaught job for mental reasons
at home she filled him in off camera
he don't buy it
they go to a play and suspect hes a nut who uses this device as a way to justify icing people
at home cyclops takes apart the thing and finds its empty
that's a good idea; opening a killer machine
she don't wanna push da button w/o cyclops's input
man we're 30 mins in and nothing happened
oh and cam sed the face guy sed when he takes it back he reprograms it
I honestly have no idea where this is going
that twilight zone writer had some f'd ideas
but they made you think
I like the idea of a full length twilight zone ep
that's basically what planet of the apes 01 was
I bet this movie has some f'd twist
although often the twilight zone twist was either; they are already dead, or; it was earth all along
cam sez they wont get that much money again and it can help them mAKE things better
the road to h-ll is paved with good intentions
and cam needs foot surgery but they need cash
later 1 guy gets a call dat someone got abducted
later cyclops sez he tested the 100$ bill at work and its real
now he assumes its all real
they wonder who will bite it if they push
then cam randomly slaps the button
good f man
then the cops go to a home and someone with a gun took someone out
they go upstairs and find a f'd looking girl
that kinda freaked my a55 out
here crazy eyes
then f'd face comes by their home
he gets back their key and gives em 1 million $$
blood money
cyclops tries to return the cash but f'd face wont take it
he gets the guys liscence plate
but f'd face is gonna give it to someone they don't know
they suspect they're next to get iced
the cops talk about the chick iced and her husband worked for nasa
the butt thickens
for xmas cyclops makes cam a custom shoe to walk in w/o toes
later they go to a dinner thing
cyclops gets to choose a gift and these creepy people somehow have him choose a box
it has a photo of f'd face b4 his face got f'd
at home the son has cyclops sci fi comics and shows the baby sitter cyclops mars cr-p
the Viking thing uses radio to send date which is turned into photos
what an age we live in
oh and cyclops knows arthur c Clarke
oh and the id with the amputee fetish is there
cyclops asked the cops about the liscence plate
then f'd face calls and sez he knows
and things will continue until the thing is reprogrammed
cyclops hassles amputee fetish who laughs at him
this kid is giving me a clockwork orange vibe
a cyclops and cam leave but the kid gives another peace sign
and their car has "no exit" wrote on its windshield
later cyclops takes baby sitter home and she notices theres BLOOD ON HIS HANDS
he sez he was in a fghjt and she asks if someones PUSHING HIS BUTTONS
then something about a light
then se blacks out
I think its like in AKIRA where the kids got that chick to talk 4 em
she revives and sez hes gotta book it
she runs through a building with people coming out of their rooms and her nose drips blood
cyclops has her drivers liscnce and it sez everything they know of her is wrong
 his basement poster of some science thing, cyclops sees the face from the photo he got of un-f'd f'd face
later f'd face calls hrer and sez hes looking at her from the backyard
and there is a guy who looks like the guy splashed with toxic waste in Robocop 01 byut b4 the waste there
he walks away like he don't have a soul
that creeped by a55 out
later the n sa talks to nasa about wanting stuff
and the cop cyclops gave the plate info to sez its a guv plate for a n sa
and tells him about the chick who got capped
later the feminist sez to cam that everyone under 40 with a kid are monitered and not to trust anyone but her husband
then she bites it I think
cyclop checks out the chick who bit its place and I think pockets a polaroid
cam goes to this place and also there is cyclops
right when he finds a book with a news clipping of a nasa guy hit by lightening, everyone in there activates
and they follow him
one of us! one of us! gooble gobble! gooble gobble!
cam watches film (oh theyre in a library) as cyclops tries to escape
in a crowded room he finds a woman who sez this place is for employees only
and she's f;d faces wife
and she sez hes testing everyone
she gives him 3 ways out that only 1 is right
then her eyes go black, she nosebleeds and uses the force
water rises from the ways out
f'd face meets cam and sez he was hit by lightening
and communicates with whoever controls lightening
you mean zeus?
cam sez she feels bad about here f'd foot and for f'd face's f'd face
to be fair, scars are cool
so the 3 paths have the wrong one lead to basically going to h-ll
cyclops chooses number 2
he goes through a light and then he's in a cube of water over cams bed
which them bursts and soaks da room
oh and cam took f'd faces hand and teleported
but their son (they were in their room at home) sez they came in like zombies
this reminds me of batman beyond with spellbinder using that flash to mind control people
remember that one?
cyclops and f'd face played perry white and his son or w/e in superman returns
later a guy tells someone f'd face bit it after being lightening hit after the Viking mars transmission
but revived and heals fast and has powers
wow this is like a bad marvel comics character
later the guy who told the backstory asks f;d face why a box?
he gives a list of thngs we use that are boxes
and he gives info to his mysterious employers
and the only way to win the test is to not push da button
after enough tests its over
but there will be more
and if people don't put others above themselves, his employers will wipe em out
is this a pro life movie?
later at a dinner or w/e, cyclops sez words cant describe the light he was in
and its basically heaven
later cyclops comes out feeling ill and a guy kidnaps him at gunpoint
his kid comes out looking for him and so does cam
but both are caught by guys
kidnaper sez how they can take out the thing controlling f'd face
and how f'd face has a portal in this pool by a hotel
and his wife pressed the button so he iced her to save their daughter
then they stop as theres a santa ringing a bell in the road
then a snowplow nails em
wtf is going on?!
its like they realized they ran outta time and gotta cram everything into the last act
later cam and cyclops return home and f'd face is there
he se he's sorry they pushed the button
and their sons eyes are ears broke
but he can heal the kid by capping cam
what is this? saw?!
cyclops is gonna cap f'd face but he sez it wont save their kid
and he's go to jail and his boss would send another
oh and the 1 million dollars would be in an interest trust for their kid if he caps her
and their kid is locked in the bathroom
oh and cyclops sez f'd face showed him the afterlife
meanwhile someone else pushes the button and cyclops caps cam
see you in h-ll drew Barrymore
then the cops are called and f'd face visits the chick who pressed da button
the guy told the f'd faces story tells cyclops his kid will be taken care of and the credits play to dramatic music
that was pretty good
the original story ended with the guy telling the button pusher; the box will be given to someone u don't know
here they added a long 2nd and 3rd act and made it about aliens
this movie kinda creeped me out with the soulless guys and music
man the music is kinda like the shinning from the simpsons
or cape feare
but this movie had good themes
good fear
and good acting
good horror without lust or gore or swearing
like the twilight zone
for the box 2 I want it to be the 90s and the kid has been raised to be a super human warrior by the fd face guy's mnions. he's gotten some esp like spidermans spider sense and is big and buff like hulk Hogan. then its revealed that the plan was to get these kids and raise em to be warriors to fight the alien who owns the f'd face guy's space enemies. he was cast out of his society for not fitting in and had an elaborate plan to take over his planet with super human warriors. the rest f the movie is the kid in a space corps group fighting the alien planet space monsters. its also a 16 bit run and gun game on sega genesis and snes like gunstar heroes where up to 4 players blast through several levels of this la blue girl like planet

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