Thursday, August 29, 2019

Mean Girls Review

Note; i spell better than most high scgoolers
mean girls
this is my review on mean giels
itsgot lindsey lohan, rachel mcaddams(the macaddams family?! like that addams family 90s ep??) daniel de santo from beyblade and are you afraiod of the dark, and david reale from beyblade
and no one else i know of
its by tina fey who a lot of gay guys like and was filmed in soviet canada
ew, its by lorne michaels
saturday nuught live s-cked!!
mad tv is better!
so it stars starts with lindsy going to school for the 1st time as she was home schooled while her kids i mean rents were in soviet africa
so tina fey is the teacher and is kkind of a loser
shes not used to rules and structure and they try to make it look bad
she makes friends with a gay guy and a sarcastic gundge girl
they get her to skip class and say shes hot
theres a group f popular chickkks who are blonde and cool
so of cource they are the bad guys
imagine if they made barbie th bad guy and some losers were fighting her
main chick (imma call her regess after the robotech character and her name is rrgena) is the most popular girl in school
so shes the worst bad guy
its like if miss yvonnee from pee wees play house was the bad guy and pee wee and reba had to stop her
daniel desanto/ray from beyblade hits on lisndy and the cool girls start getting along with her
so grundge girl hates regess and her, lindy and gaymo chat in the little girlds room
then lindy falls in love with a guy
so later the cool girls give her the rules ad regess is trying not to eat fatty food
but fat has little impact on weight
alsi the guy linsy likes is regess's ex so she cant have him
later a nerd asks liindy for a spot iin the mathlete thing as they get 2x funding if they have a girl
thats racist
imagine getting more funding iif you had mexicsans on ur tean?
later the cool girls go shopping and tell lindsy to not join mathletes
rehess sees her ex with a girl and calls girls omom prwtending to be from planned parent hood to ruin her dating
thats pretty dark
rehess's mom is trying ti ve a friend instead of a mom
the cool girls then whine about their flaws
they have a book where they write cr-p about teens
later tina fey comes by and dont synchro with the lindsrey and the losers
she wants lindsey to join matjletes but gayboy tells her no
later regess calls lindey ND sez she found out se likes the ex but is ok wth it
later theres a halloween party and all but insey dresses like a h00ker/fighting game girl
also the bimbo has made out with her cousin
snl was always pretty progressive
regess tells ex thatindsey is totally into him
then kisses him and lindery seez but bf didnt consent
she goes back to her loser friends and the girl loser plans to ruin regess
so later regess seems to be back with her ex and the lindsey and losers f=do
later regess tells linsey she used to be friends with loser chick but loser was mental and had turned queer or something and she dfitched her
then its christmas and gayboy fakes being santa and gets lindey a candycane saifd to be from regess and tricks the 3rd cool gorl into thinking regess hates her to get her secrets
the cool girls do jingle bell rock dressed as h0kers/anime chicks but wearing more
but the tape screws up and 3rd girl accidentally kicks the boom box out
so lisndey sings the song and they contrinue
so 3rd girl turns on regess and outs all her secrets like regess b90ning some guy a lot
so they send her ex ex to the place where she b0nes hom but it fails
then they give her swedish weight gain bars for africa kids
why not slip her hormones to turn her into a hermaphrofdite?!
then they spread gossip about her and lindsey turns more into one of the cool girls
loser girl sez lindsey's perfunme from regess smells like a baby prostitutie
well, a lot of hollywood is into that
woody allen, roman polanski, ect
also lindey trys seducing ex ex and he declines but she sez regess is xheating on her
so he dumps her and shes bummed
plus the bimbo sez her b00bs can tell when its gonna rain
so lindey dates tthe ex ex ex
so they nominate all the cool girls and the loser for prom queen and regess is getting fat from the bars
but i dont show
so linsedy is f'ing out at math and she writes that tina teacher is failing her cuz shes doing drugs in the book
so indey is becoing more like regess and they are falling out
so later regess is too fat to wear her real clothes and has to wear sweat pants and the cool girls kick her out
like taking out the czar to let in stallin
so is this like a teen citizen kane?
where this good person turns rotted after a while for success?
later lindey has a party and everyone came
also rehess comes uninvited and ex ex ex finds lindsetys innocent pictures as a teen
btw this kinda happened in real life
lindsey lohan kinda went off the chain from fame
but not as bad as miley cyrus
hope the girl from andi mack dont get into p0rn0
so ex ex ex has enough of lindey and ditches her
then loswrs come by and loser chick is b--chy over not being invited
also over lindsey being one of the cool ones
then regess finds out from her new bf the bars are weight gain bars and she snsaps
she shoots up the school and ends herself
really she writes a mean thing about herself andputs her picture in it
then gives da book to the principal and sez she found it in the giirls bathroom
then he calls the 3 cool girls for not being in it
then regess spreads copied pages of the book on the school and everyone goes ape over it
its a brawl like in urotsukidoji V where the chojin made everyone kill each other
btw this happened but less mental in harriet the spy
principal hits the fire thing and the water and bell stops the fight somehow
so they have a thing where the gitls go in the gym and talk
they do exercizes and talk their issues out
oh and the gay guy is there for sopme reason
are they saying hes not a real man??
thats racist
they do this thing where they confess their feelings and fall into the crowd
loser chick comes out about all the cr-p she did to regess and regess runs out and gets hit by a bus
so the school investigates every claim in the book cuz 1 tewacher was into asian students
so lindey comes oyt and sez its made up
esp the teacher selling drugs
and lindsey joins mathletes to atone for her sins
and its the same time as the prom
so lindsey realizes bringing others down womt makre u better
nd wins the mathlete thing
so they go to the spring fling and lindsey wing prom queen
also sge went there after mathletes
she gives a speech how everyone is a winner for showing up and breaks the crown up and throws pieces around
so she makes up with ex ex ex and the nerd indian huy trys dating her as he likes non whutes and ses lebanese
but north africans count as white
like greeks and turks and italianos and egrypions
white isnt just blonde hair and blue eyes like sailor venus and rangiku matsumoto
also; thats racist
later regess gets into sports
bimbo gets into wether as her b00bs controll the weather
3rd girl hangs with asians
exex ex goes to another school but she still has him
then jr cool girls come in
but lindsey sez she can handle em
the end
that wasnt so bad
i mean it didnt make me laugh but it was a good teen movie
a lot happens in 2 hours with adds
its got that mid 00s feel like when i was in high school
i remember in drama class a guy who later went gay did a monologue from it
its not awful and has quotable lines
too bad snl dont got this feel
foor mean girls 2 i want the new cool girls to start their rise to the top and ascent to becoming the new coolest girls in school. but the losers try to stop them with rumors and pranks. so one of their parents is a hitman and they have him sniper the girls who go against them. but not to kill, only to blow off parts. also its a horror movie where the coool girls dad being the hitman isnt revealed until the end. also its a 32 bit light gun game on sega saturn and playstation where you play as the dad and gotta take out the limbs and noses and stuff of the teens who wronged his kid and friends and you get more points for accuracy but its game over if you ice em.

Monday, August 26, 2019

D.O.A. Dead Or Alive Review

Note: i spell bwtter than the writer of this film writes
D.O.A. Dead Or Alive
This is my review on D.O.A. Dead Or Alive from the 00s
its based on the jiggley video games that I never played as I don't have a playstation
it stars devon aoki from sin city and has a cameo by robin shou from mortal kombat
people hated this movie but my bimbo gf loved it
i saw it years ago once and thought it was ok
so it starts in japan and princess kasumi's big bro bit it and she has to become leader
she dont believe it until she sees his body(thats horror movie logic) and wants to find out for herself
but if she leaves, she'll be an outcast, a shinobi(thats not what a shinobi is dumba55!! its another word for ninja!! not outlaw!! is robin hood a shinobi?!) like her bro
she leaves and fights the guards who were defending her b4
she fights ayane wjo was gay fir her bro 1st
they dont fight and she just throws a katana in a wall and springs off it like a sega game.
they flies out on a hidden back back glider
then she gts a message to invite her to sometyhing
then tina armstrong is working out her bikini bod om a boat and her dad wants her to go to a wwf match
then robin shou comes in to jack her yacht with his sea pirate cew
she kicks theye a55es and its pretty well done fighting
then she gets a metal shiriken invitation
then this chick taking a shower comes out and is arrested for jacking diamonds from as safe
eww i think shes brittish!!
she puts on undies under her towel to p0rn0 music and when a guy gives her the bra she kicks it and his gun  up, fights em with a towel and catches the bra on b4 it hits the ground
then leaves in just undies and jacks a guys trenchcoat and items b4 escaping on a motorcycle
then she gets an invite
shes christie
then ayame is otdered to take out kasumi
then helena in a bikini tells all the fighters on a plane they are the best in their fighting style and are gonna fihht for a cash prize
on da plane the bros friend who i think is supposed to ne ryu hayabusa from ninja gaiden, was invited as was ayame
and christine tells max off for leaving her to get f'd by the cops in the hotel and she wants payback
also she grabs his parts
then tthey gotta parachute out of the plane and if they aint at da compound by subnset thety're out
then sky diving like in the power rangers movie
but green screen
they're hair isnt even going up
so they get to this pagota ooking thing and tina/christine (which is the same name! Its like lex and al!!) and kasumi climb it
how do they know this is the right one?! they werent given directioons or shown pix!!
so then they work together to get up
kasumi climbs up tina and steps on her head/pulls her jeans down her a55
a good metaphor for japan taking over america in video gaming
this film is deep
so thy get up and theres a base on tiop of the mountaub
so the geese howard of this game sez  D O A was made by helena's dad and shes part of it now
the they get a physica; in their undies andd zack is in big baggy boxers
shouldnt he be in a mini speedo?
some nerdlinger tess the game boss the stats and lusts after helena
they give her an injection with nanoi machines that scan them
this is how adult comics start
imafgine if it turnrd her into a big d0ng-like monster?
then the chicks traiin (dudes too) showing off their tight bods
wtf ryu used nunchaku
where's his dragon sword?!
is this after ninja gaide II where it revied that chick?
then they fifht aand its pretty good
they even got name bars on thetop of the screens like in the game
so is this a best of 3 like the games or single elimination?
also; how many continues do you get??
i hate when fighting games have limited continues
in the arcade you just can keep putting in coins
if i spent 5$ on a game (used, cartridge only) i sjhould get 5$ of quarters worth of continues
so after the 1st round we see ryu hayabusa saving kasumi from bandits or w/e using accupuncture needles yo immobilize people
thats pretty bada55
it was a flash bacjk
but then an invite blade came in
when was this?!
so kasumi sees game boss and asks what happened with her bro who bit it in doa last year
boss sez he was iced by leon whos a huge hulkeed out body builder
but they never found his boddy
the flash back was her bro sabing her
noe it makes sense
a;lso they call ryu hayabusa; hayabusa
its like calling geese howard ; howard
or andy bugard; bogard
also kasumi dont trust boss and tells tryu
later christine is in a room with max and he sez he faked an injury to get by round 01
he wants to steal 100 million $ on the island in a vault
then they b0ne
then zack, again in long shorts, flirts with tina in a  bikini
whats with the long baggy shorts?
was his actors d0ng too big?!
so boss has nerdlinger pair kasumi and lein
but 1st ayame comes at kasummi with a katana
but leon comes in and tey kung fu fight
btw this leon reminds me of the bugg guy from variable geo with the shades
the fight busts through the place and into christines/maxes bedroom
she otta do the splits and punch him in the parts
worked for jonny cage/jean claude
she eventually beats him
then tina and her dad are paired up
he kicks in the door cuz he cant use a knob and finds her in bed with christine (who sleeps nude)
he thinks she's turned queer and leaves them til tomorrow
also christine is in black undies
so boss and nerdlinger find max is a fake a55 and nerd sends leon afrer him
so leon throws a shoe in his parts
then in da face which makes him get k o'd by a statue
work smarter, not harder
next day kasumi uses  pressure points on tina
use ur ki
then tinaa's dad comes in and thinks she;s gay with kasumi
this just went springer
my daughter has too many girlfriends!
that and ayame trying to kill kasumi for leaving the clan (ninja clan)
they fight on a raft and 1st one in the water loses
tina sez shes here to prove shes not a fake and they fight
she beats him with a ring out as he wasnt taking this srs
then thet are at the beach in more bikinis and siome play volley ball
max scans helena's butt tattoo with a small metal thing
ryu is flustered by kasumi in a bikini
yeah but rachel in that p0rn0e outfit is ok
as they have a harcd core bad a55 epic vollyball match, ryu sneaks in da base and beats guys up often using break dance fighting
eventuallly a shuriken pops the volleyball and kasumi fights ayame in a bamboo forrest like ninja scroll
in yugioh was a card; bamboo battleground
i misread it as; bimbo battleground!!
kasumi wants to work with ayame to find bros killer
but they just fight more
kasumi busts a big bamboo and spins it to open it like an umbrella, then catches ayame's blade and arm in it, then throws it
I'm like 80% sure thast wont work. But after Mythbusters, 1000 ways to die, and manswers, I don't know what's real anymore
so other chicks come by and ayamme books it
max thinks helena's butt tattoo is the code but it was only done last year
then nerdlinger has a phantasy of being with helena and comes onto her
it dont go well
zack hits on tine for like the 4th time and she kicks his face
but they put it off til sunrise
then its sunrise and they fight
btw theres a lot of continuuity errotrs in here
all over da movie
so je busts her oyutta the ring but she cimes back and beats the black off him
btw good use of slo mo
wasnt he dennis rodman?
then they have respect for each otrher after a beat down
the next fight is helema and chrisgie
then we see them fight in the rain in a bamboo beach wearing little
but i think its just imagination
or a memory
so christie draws the tattoo on helenas back (spoiler; good people dont get tattoos) and we see helena getting beat
i guess iy was a memory
nerdlinger doesnt like this and starts j-rkin off violently
so christie figgers out the cash is in the buddha head
whhy have a tattoo telling where it is?!
so later kasumi wants to fro rryu and tina sez she b0ned him but its a joke
so tima chruistine and kasumi find a hidden door and nsrdlinger chats with helena
helena troy?
sounds like a p0rn0 name
so the 3 chicks find a hidden computer room monitoring em
then they find kasumi's bro i mean ryu(i got mixed up)
they get caught and nwrdlinger tells helena her dad wanted his research used diffeent than what game boss wanted
dad wanted to shut it down and bit it after a word fight with game boss
then boss tells hs men to ice helena and nerda55
the sword armed guads come and helena kicks their candy a55es as nerd gets thrown in the shrubs
its a pg sword fight with no blood, limb ro9moval or blades entering
like errol flynn or captain kidd
neerdlinger punches a guy and f'd out his hand
so the ryu and chicks wake up in chambers like in robotech and boss shows them his ultimate item
so nerda55 takes helena into the caves and an alarm goes off from boss using nerds tech
boss scans the nanomachines in theitr blood and downloads the data into his glasses
somehow this hurts them
does it give em autism too?
so max follows nerd and helena in and nerd trys hacking into it
then boss brings ouyt kasume's bro who's still alive and has no mussle issues from being chained up for a year
he is p-ssed at hayabusa yru for letting kasumi come
boss sez bro is the worsds best warrior
so is he; the worlds strongest guy?
and boss sez if bro dont fight him he gon ice the chicks and ryu
they fight and bro kicks his a55
then round 2 like amakusa from samurai shodown boss improves and beat his a55
hes able to predict the bros moves with his glasses and counter em.
sorta like in cyber city oedo 808 how that guy was able to similate where sengoku would go
so bro is kicked off the tower like with geese howard and finds ayame
so max uses the tattoo code to unlock the vault with a puzzle like at mcdonalds
the game boss goes on video feed and sez to buyers he showed the fight with bro
and if they pay him, he can sell them the code
sounds fair
why is he the bad guy?
he's just trying to make money
is it against the law to do research and sell the results?
so nerdlinger blocks the code and calls the cops
whats the charges?
besides, this is his private island in open ocean
so max unlocks da vault and leon kills him
the helena faces boss and boss admits to having her dad iced
at least he admitted it unlike r fk and the queen
leon jacks the safe like dee jay in the street fighter movie with bison bdollars
boss beats down helena and takes a copy of the data then sets the island to blow like in yugioh
oh and he beats on nerda55
nerd a55 unlocks the pods and the gang fights minions who aparently dont care about getting nuked
the main 4 fight game boss at once (which is against da rules!!) and ryu fights leon
get out! then fight!
sio nerd trys undoing the nuke but it cant stop and the chicks fight boss on ladders over the pagota
btw, a guy beating on chicks, on purpose.
don't see that often in movies
so max and nerd save ryu from leon and leave leon to die and boss gets his shasdes kicked off
bro and kasumi use a pressure point needle to stop boss and they leave him to die
he totally deserves that for tryibg to make money off tech
btw him killing that guy to use his tech was also from cyber city
so they all escape as the place blows and are in the ocean
later robin shou aka liu kang 1 finds em on rafts and tina ppunches out him and leaves em in a raft to die
they'll probably eat eachother
that happened to the guys moby dick was based off
so nerd gets helena who i guess was the writers fave girl and we get a montage of fights and bikinis
a week later at kasumi's home the chicks are hanging out and all fight ninjas
the end
that wasnt so bad
good action
good fight scenes
good effects
simple plot
yeah its not high art like gone wityh the wind
holy cr-p! eric roberts was in this!
he was in the human centipede 3!!
so its not gonna change ur life or anything but its good simple kung fu entertainment
its not like it ruined the series
they had those bach volleyball game to do that
i like it
its like the 00s charlies angels movies
for video game movies, its entertaining and fun
plus the colors are bright and sunny
nowadays it would be gray and dead looing
for D.O.A. Dead Or Alive 2 i want the boss of the last tournament to come back as a cyborg with his brains and organs in a metal body. he starts taking out all the fighters who helped kill him b4 and their men. its also a 16 bit ninja game on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba where you go around taking out guys and the bosses are the main characters of the 1st movie.

Saturday, August 24, 2019

Christina's House Review

note; i spell righte horrorshow eh wot me droogs
cjrostinas house
this is my review on christinas house from 2000
i've never seen it but i hear its horror
itstarts with a chick going to a spooky house to sell cpokies
she gets cauught and shook til she bites it by some unknown guy
later these 90s teens wiyh 1 on a gameboy that sounds atari come home from school
girl teen takes a bath and when her dad comes in to whiz it freaks her out
dad wants her to look after her almoist 14 teen bro
theb her bf comes over and smooches her
he wanrs her to go party but she has to watch her bro
but she goes off with her bf
and she takes him with em and bribes him with a pizza
he gon get fat
at this bar her bf talks wioth her about b0ning and she dont consent
at the bar she meets howie whos probably the bad guy
later dad comes home and they have dinner
dad's job s-cked and the plumbers union gives em 26$ an hour for j-rkin off whole they wait for supplies
union free is the way to be
at night bf sneaks in and blows her hair to freak her out
he sneeaks out da window bf dad gets in
after hes gone bf sneeaks back and wants to go in da attic as he saw a light go off
later its after school and bro plays gbc with loud atari effects and teen chick sees a part eaten sandwitch
then howie is there ans chex da furnace
teens bimbo friend is gay for howie
later a guy comes by asking if they saw this girl whos missing
then he wants to use their potty
he sez missing teen was gone yesterday and they say they were here after school
they just ket a stranger in?
so he doesnt poop in their place and leaves
btw, who thinks that bimbo friend is gonna get iced?
also; its only been a day?
i thought she went missing years ago
later she asks dad why the house makes noises and gives him a letter saying they gotta pay da rent
he callls em and sez he payed
later they have dinner with bf and bf sez his uncle got capped in the head
he survived but went weird
also his dad aint with em
he sez he'd eat anything and dad freaks out and sends him out
maybe in the uncut version it made sense
later this big eyes chick gets a note from bf saying he broke up with main chick and to meet him at main chicks place
she gets iced
later main chick trys going in da attic but dad stops her
later howie comes by and they check the atticn for rats
people keep coming in and outta the house
its like the room with tommy wiseau
in there thery find pix of her mom who its imlpied she bit it
she also sez she moved her from soviet los angelas
eventually they find a rat and she grabs him in fear
then bf comes in thinking they were gonna b0ne
later bimbo friend and main chick are sunbathing in bikini's and bimbo friend sez everyone is talking about how he's a virgin
when did virgin become a bad thing?
its liek saying being a non-junkie is bad
now its cool to be a 5kank
then her bro finds a body in da river
wait, its just an arm
so the cops come by and bf too to see if things r ok
later a guy attacks bf by tackling him through a window and beating on him
that came outta nowhere
later main chick fights with bro over her missing journal
but dad finds it in her room and she sez it wasnt there b4
wait, it was howeie who got beat on
later main chick sees someone upstairs and sez she sensesz someone in the house
later she comes in and is scared but then its a surproze party
at the party she and bf go to make out but dad comes in
he is dissapoint as he thought he could trust her
bf opens a box and theres a dead mouse in it
later the bimbo goes upstairs and gets iced
she should\'ve stayed a virgin
later dad tells main teen that bimbo hasmt made it home
later main chick is freakin out and it trys to be scary
next day cop comes by
later main chick goes to see her mom who i thought bit it but is really in the nuthouse or something
mom sez she stopped watching dad and that was her mistake that got her sent here
its hard to tell as the signal on my tv is spazzing out
later she confronts dad and is mental over him following her
later at school she is worried her dad did something and tells her bro she loves him
later she and bro are home and she notices the window in the potty is sealed
she hears the diasy song from 2001 and goes upstairs to the attick
she finds a ghetto blaster in the attic and takes it dowbn
later she finds the windows are sealed
she trys to escape with her bro but the doors are sealed
then bf comes in the back dfoor (that soounded wrong) and he trys using a chair on da glass
it wont break ands the phone wont work
then who was phone?!
later dad finds out the people he wanted to work on his plance never did anything
allso howie is talking to himself with his hands as puppets of teen and dad
he comes down and has been reading her diary
bf slugs him but he tanks it
also howie thinks teen is gay for him
he grabs bf by neck and holds hiom to wall and kills bhim with a tool to the head
she lox herseld in a room and he ulockis itas she spazzes out
just kick him in the parts
dad comes home but gets caught in a trap with saw bladers
howoe tells her to check the atticxk for dad and she goes  up but he follows
he goes on a tirade over all the cr-p he did to protect her and no one appreciates him
then turns on the daisy song and trys dancuing witrh her
he knew her mom and did diss cuz of her
she calls mom crazy ands he slaps her and dances more
then she sees the girls he iced b4
were they dere da hopme time?
then dad comes in and puts him through a wall and beats on him
then howie shanks him as he turned his back to talk to teen instead of finishing hoeiw off
so she gets away somehow and finds bro and decides to ice howuie
she puts on rock music and faces him but the msic dies
so howie gets brother and teen confronts him
he turns to ice bro but she gets him with a long drill in da back
when he did that it made sense as hes crazy and didnt see her as danger
then she runs through the sealed house w/o finishing him off cuz shes a dumba55
could've aty least took oout a leg so he cant chase u
he comes 4 her but bro hits a trap door and he falls into the sae blade trap
then she drops a dresser on him
then after everyones dead, the cop shows up
bf is in a comea with a hole in his head but wait i think its dad
cop sez howie was released from da nut house a while ago
then we see mom at the nut house looking at a newly released guy and sending him mental mesaages
te end
that wasnt so bad
sorta reminds me of the gklass house from around the same era
i liked the cool blue lighting
it wasnt as dead looking as most stuff today
good atmosphgere and feels of dread
good musuc
its not great
bit its good as it is
wtf the credits say 1999
but i liked it and thought its a good lste 90s horror movie
plus its filmed in soviet canada
for chriastinas house 2 i want it to be years later and christina is a big beefy femake body builder and her bro is also big and buff. they got strong by fighting crazys her mom sent and eating them for protein. eventuakly they realize that the crazys were sent by mom and go to take her out. its also a 2 player beat em up on sega genesis, gba, snes atari jaguar and tg16 where you play as either the bro or sister and fight thriough the nuthouse to take her out.

Friday, August 23, 2019

Ghostbusters Review

note; i spell beteer than naecro purvurts... probably
ghost busters
this is my rebirew on ghostbusters from 1984
its got bill murry, harold raymis, rick more anus, the chick from aliens, the dad frim that brittany spears movie and the black guy from the crow
i only saw a few eps of the 80s show with garfield as bill murry but liked the 90s gx sequel EXTREME ghost busters
and no i haven\'t seen the 20110s feminist one that everyone hated
i've seen this b4 but it never really made me laugh
i did beat the sega genesis ghost busters game and thsat was pretty good.
so it starts with a haunted library with good non cgi effects
then the ghost busters song by that black guy
then bill murry is testing zener cards withna dink and a blonde and its rigged so the blonde wins by him lying
also he shocks the dink
he does it to test negative reinforcement on esp
btw this happened with magneto in x men 1st class
so bill murry trys to b0ne the chick but dan akroid comes in saying they found a ghost
so harold raymos lplaying the nerd egon meets em at the haunted library and bill mumy asks the librarian is she's nuts
they search the place and find j-zz on the furniture that bill murie collects
hes gonna get pregnant
so they find the ghost and they dont know what to do
they talk to it and it sez shhh
so thhey try attacking it and it transforms and they run
why not pray?
so back at the university egon sez he can trap ghosts indefinently based on his readings
but the dean has kicked em out as they are kinda non scientiffic
like evolution
so they decide to go into private business and morgage dan arkanoids house
they buy a firehouse from a chick who looks liek tim currey
meanwhile, the chick from gorillas in the mist has rick more anus as a dingus who is gay for her
she'd just dump you for a monkey
also the ghost busters have adds on tv for taking out ghosts
or a reverse beetle juice?
in aliens chicks house her eggs start popping and her frigde is a porthole to h-ll
so den ardoind buys a cr-pmobile and the receptionist flirts with egon
so aliens chick comes in and billy murr comes in to try to help her
he wants to b0ne her
her name is dana like that chick from robotech
they all have crazy theroys on why she saw the daemons and look into it as bill murie goes back to her place
btw where's the gorilla?
in the ghost busters by filmation there was a gorilla
bill miria screws around at her place and she sez hes more of a game show host than a scientist
he chex mix the fridge and its fill of juck food
she's gonna get fat
and in the 3rd ghost busters (the pst game) its implied venkman likes fat chicks
so he comes on to her and she send him out
later they get a customer and go to a hotel to de ghost it
you know you could just call a priest and he'd bless it clean for free
i mean if ghosts and daemons are real then that also means the holy stuff is too, right?
thy have nucular blasters on their backs thar shoot proton beams
surprized they allowed that in soviet new york
so they meet slimer whos based on john beliushi as hes a disgusting slob
in the show he's their pet, which is kinda like having the giant bat from castlevania 1 as simon belmonts pet in the kids show
slimer soaks bill moorry in his goo and now hes gonna get double pregnant
so they fight slimer in the ballroom and trash the place
egon sez don't cross the streams or they gonna get nuked
they trap the slimer in the ghost trap with cool 80s effects
billy sez it'll cost em 5000$ or they can release it back into there
then an 80s montage of the gost busters cleaning up the undead of soviet new york
maybe its haunted cuz of all the sin and crime?
also they becime celebs
but unlike the royals of soviet eengland or the kardashian, they actually did something to earn it
then the black guy from the crow who's name i ccant remember joins the team
ernie hudson
i wanted to say eddie redmaybe
so it turns out zool was an ancient pagan god who worked for gozer
then the snooty guy from bio done ciomes in trying to shut down for envoronmental reasons
also more black magic ki or w/e is gathering in soviet new york
at alien iii's chicks place, rayold anus i mean riock more anus is having a party and wants to let her in
but she has a date and turns him down
but then daemons capture her and take her to the shkima realm from la blue girl or w/e
people often say "who's a better joker? jack nicholson or heath ledger?"
but thats like comparing ghostbusters to poultergeist
both are good but both are different things
btw this was directed by the guy who did twins, kindergarden cop, junior and cannibal girls
so at the party, a statue came to life and went after rick more anus and chases him down outside
being new york, the people just let him get eaten
then billy comes to see alien resurrection chick and she's posessed and seductive
she sez shes zool (the ninja of the Nth dimension?) and is in a red dress like the chick from beetle juice
she trys b0ning himbut he dont consent
she floats and makes daemon sounds
maybe you should say a prayer?
meanwhile, rick more anus is trying to find zool and is controlled by something
i think that dogh crawled up his a55
da cops take him to the ghost busters and they examine him
on the way to akliens chicks place, ernie hudson and dan norois talk about how this is going biblical and its a sign of the end times
better go to church and get one last confession out
then biodone guy comes in with a big gov warrent to shut down the ghost trap
the big gov envoronment worker is the bad guy?
that would be reversed today
so they turn it off and all the ghosts escape
big gov ruined new york?
seem,s legit
so biodone has the ghjost bustyers arrested for going against the enviironment as soviet new york goes to H E Double California
in jail egon sez danas building is built just to attract wicked spirits
and its designer was a cult leader who worked for gozer who did black magic to end the world after ww1
that sounds like something that would've actually happened there
so eventually rick more anus makes it to the chick from avatar's place and they b0ne
so the busters are taken to the mayor and biodome guy blames them for what he did
then a priest comes in saying the church wont make any positions on it but they better pray
ernie hudson describing his time as a ghost buster; i've seen sh-t that'll turn you white
me; like... michael jackson??
billy miriesez if the mayor lets him try, he'd save the lives of many voters
you know they'd just turn on you the moment you say anything they disagree withg
mayor mccheeze sides with the ghost bursters and givex em cop support
maybe if they bless the guns it'll affect the ghosts?
they get to the building and the sky goes bklack and lightening and earth quakes f it up
so they walk up the stairs luike in the 8 bit games and at the top is an alter with gorillians in the mist chick and a splatterhouse like area
the building tuens into a gate to h-ll and rick more anus and gaxrxy quest chick get turned into dog creatures
if my kid was a dog i'd sell him to the monkey house and let the monkeys eat him
and not just peter torek
so gozer comes out looking like a hermaphrodite or 80s musician
so it zaps em but stops b4 they fall off the buildsing for some reason
maybe they should say a prayer?
they nucular blast at em but she dodges
then again and she vanishes
then its voice sez to choose how they bite it
whatever they thionk of will come to life and kill em
dan arkanoid accidentally choser the stay puft marshmallow man
it looks pretty good and has good 80s effects
they blast it and it burns but it keeps comming
so egon sez to cross da streams and it'll stiop the gate to the makai real from urotsukidoji
they do it. it blows and stay puft bursts and his white fioamy goo splats on new york
just like all those law and order svu characters
so everyone survives somehow andrick moranus and the alien 4 chick are human agaIN
then they come down and everyone ceklebrates to the credits ans the gjostbusters song
also slimer is out
the end
so that was pretty good
lite fun subtle humor
i didn;t really laugh out loud but thought it was clever and fun
good horror tvpg comedy
it holds up and has cool effects and music
just a feel good movie
for ghostbusters 2 i want it to be the distant future of the 1990s where the ghosts have taken over and new york is a slave camp for the ghosts and daemons that rule it. The stream crossing only stopped the gate breifly and now its fused with new york into a daemon realm. the people are used to breed gjost people or work making ghost items for them. But the ghostbusters are leading a resistance to fight the ghosts like in terminator and use holy weapons blessed to fight them. Its also a 16 bit hack and slash game where you play as bikini and speedo warriors and one is a half ghost who turned good and fight against the ghosts in the blood red sky'ed, seashell architecture meets german expressionism cities and go on missions to free slaves and take out the ghost rulers on sega genesis, snes, gba, tg16 and atari jaguar and the past ghost busters are amputees who lost limbs to ghost fights and make weapons and can be playable in later levels or as a code in the title screen with ghost tech limbs.

Sunday, August 18, 2019

A Mighty Heart Review

Note; My spelling is more normal than angelina jolie acts
A Mighty Heart
this is my review on A Mighty Heart
I've never seen this but i got nothuing better to reaview
i'm not a fan of jolkie as she's kind of a nut
plus she dated brad pitt and seduced him away from another chick he was with
that chick dodged a bullet
i hear he's kinda f'd
and each time angelina makes the news her dadc Jon Voight has to put up with it
its like Charlie sheens dad dealing with his son
so on september 012 aneglia goes to the 3rd world and later theres a war or uprising or w/e
her and her husband stayed to report after the war
the natives saw the malcontents as the heroes and america as the bad guy
like cuba seeing the soviets as the heroes against america
so she's like 5 months pregnant and her husband gets captured by natives
should've stayed outta the 3rd world
so its jan 05 2002 and this guy goes to see angelian about cybernet
is that like the non-copyrighted version of skynet from terminator?
her husband looks liek that5 butt pope ben affleck
so her husband goes out in a taxi and goes to work
he talx to a giy about meeting a guy
angliena interviews a guy defending the malcontents and husband keeps looking for the guy who uses sybernet
husband goes to meet a guy and later its night and they eat dinner after dark
after dinner they find husband isnt here so angie chex his emails to fidn who he was meeting
none of the phone numbers they find there work and they find he was looking into violent drug dealing malcontents who assassinate people
but unlike when the queen or r fk did it, its seen as bad
so angelino calls the cops over her husband but they cant do sh-t
so later she calls the cops or diplomats or w/e and thsi white guy answers saying he met her husbansd
i wouldn't be surprized if the americans were behind it and the bad guys who did it for powers in this film
all these films hate america
we need more Schwarzenegger like films with bad a55 americans who fight for freedom
so then we see husband talking to a guy about meeting a big guy who don';t wanna meet journalizts
i think that was a flash back
so then the ciops or something come by angies place and check things out like ID or Passports
a guy calls angie saying hes worried of being wacked
just like daiaana and the queen in soviet england
oh i think the guys there are journalists
maybe detectives
so they all look for her husband but by janurary 025 found jack sh-t
and jack just left
the guy worried of getting wacked (who was asking husnand about meeting the big guy) meets angie but dont give her the name of the guy he was meetimg as he d0nt wanna be turned inside out and have his guts b0ned
so more investigation reveals hes kidnapped and is a hostage that they wanna use to get something so they'll keep him alive
they could still cut off pieces or b0ne him.
later some guys come by and 1 sez the detective or w/e is torturing him and others
later angies maid or slave or w/e sez someone can't come back as it would f their family or something
then a guy who looks like husband comes by
wait, its not him
they go over da evidence and its revealed a guy wired 10 000 $ to a guy in early september
i thought it was da gove that did the attack
later angie tells a guuy that her huaband is a non religious jew
as the people in that country dont like them
sp the malcontents say husband is CI A and send them a message
husbands mom calls saying she saw the photoes the kidnappetrs released and is glad hes alive
later a cop or w/e asks why husband met with those dangerous people and blames him for getting kidnapped
better idea; he shouldn't have went to the 3rd world!!
imagine if a guy snuck into a jail and got gang b0ned?
later in soviet los anhelas, reports report on husnand being caughtr and tells the kidnappers side of how they want more rights for their group
so i think the CI A confirms husnband is part of them but i mightve misheard that
So they go over the evidence and find 1 guy goes by several names
so eventually,the kidnappers give america 024 hours to meet their demands or they gonna ice him
so later its been 10 days and husband's corpse turns up full of bullets
american guy checks it out and its not husband
and the news reported it as him
more proof you cant trust the media
later this beardo is interviewed over husband and i think its a guy he wanted to meet. the big guy
turns out, he wasnt behind it and was just used as bait to get husband out
later the cops capture this sleazy looking guy and make him phone somneone
he arranges a meeting for the next day and the guy he called is the bad guy going by several names
1 cop presses a guy saying if they don';t save husband, their violennt 3rd world country will have bad press
then the cops bust in and shoot up a place
sleazoid is strung up by his wrists and grilled
i think hes naked as it dont show him below the waist
so then the cops bust into another areaand arrsst more people
later the team looks over ecidence and 1 kidnapper caught 3 americans and 1 brit b4 but they were released unharmed
later angelia has blatter and womb issues cuz she was holding in her whiz too long
then a montage of her remembering her husband
then the wall street journal tells everyone husband was in the CI A
then not husband but looks like him puts togetrher a conspiricy that the guy who got money might've been contacted as an exchange for america
1 guy the cops caught sez he kidnappped husband for being american
later the team learns the guy husband wanted to mee (i think big guy) was caufght for a week but im not sure if that was b4 or after husband got kidnepped
1 week caught guy goes on trial and says husband might be iced
wtf, according to imdb, jenifer anistan was gonna play the wife
one more thing angeklina stole from her
also people whined about anlinia playing the wife as in real lik=fe, the wife was part cuban or afircan but mostly dutch or something and angelina is a frenchie
yet anna karenina having slavics being played by irishmen is ok for some reason
its like casting mexicans as japanese
later theyb tell anglina that husband bit it
and i think this time its real
she freaks out
i kept saying it
never should've come to the 3rd world
its like russian roulette
yeah 5/6 times its safe
but every so obften someone gets their head blown off
she asks how they knew its him but the cops say they have a bideo where they took off his head
later the natives ritual sacrifice animals to their god
then she gives an interview and says 10 natives were iced the same month her husband was
sounds like a place to stay the h-ll outta!
interviewer asks if she saw the video of them chopping him up
she tells him off as the media is the enemy of the people
they milk pain and suffdering for ratings and twist things to fit their agenda
then theres a flasgback to their wedding
later she learns husband was chopped into 10 pieces and she wants to deal with her issues b4 her kid is born
1 time he tried to escape and they chaimed him to a car engine
after a few attempts they videotaped him and he admits to being jewish
then we see angilina pooping out her kid
ahh! its not done! put it back!
later we see her and her 1st grade or so kid walking in the street
then text sayingwhat happened to everyone
the end
that wasnt bad
it wasnt super great buut it told a story and didnt do much wrong
it didn;t synchro with me much but i didn hate it
its got that colorless look of mid-late 00s films as its made in 2007 and by then colors were illegal
but its a well made film that even though i didnt get into it, i got nothing against
plus its based on actual events
now to ruin it with a sequel
for a mighty heart 2 i want another journalist in the 3rd world to be captured and held hostage. his fam hires a mercenary team to bust5 him out while stalling for more time. its also an 8 bit run and gun game on sega master system, nes, atari 7800 and tg16 where you play as 1-4 players and go through slums, factories, slaveyards, jungles and gotta fight through various animals and people and each time you use a continue, the timer goes down 1 hour. use too many hours,. and the hostage is eaten alive and you get the bad ending.

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Johnny Mnemonic Review

note; i spell like the 90s future
johnny Mnemonic
this is my review on joghnny mbnonicoc
its the extended cut im watching on youtube and is set in the distant future year of 2021
the year before the sdf 3 left to find the homeworld of the robotech masters
so it starts with ntext saying corporatuions run things now and the yakuza defends em
also cyberpirates and hacketrs fight em
what is thus? shadowrun?!
also theres a new disease called NAS (like Nihon Adds System? The copyright holder of Yugioh?)
and special data is kept in human brains called Mnemonic courriers
its directed by robert longo (which sounds like a p0rn0e name)
and stars keanu reeves, dina meyes, dolph lundgren, Takeshi Kitano (beat takeshi), ice t, Denis Akiyama (whi was malqachite in saulor moon), and knoown commie Henry Rollins
huh, its based on a book or story or something
so then we see the internet and it looks like cybertron in that beast wars ep
keeanu wakes up and has some bimbo ion his room
his job is data storage and dont know where his home is
so sghe goes out and keanu makes a video call to a guy to set his job up
he wants his brain fixed but has to do 1 more mission
its always 1 more mission
we need the old blade runner
keanu go through a crowd protest as cops take em down
keanu goes to get a brain upgrade and the guy dont have the good enuff one
he uses a cr-ppier one to double his memory to 160 gigs
btw, him plugging it into his head was ripped off by the matrix
and both got it from ghost in the shell
soo he meets some guys who are new at it and they want him to carry 320 gigs to newark
but if he overdoes his storage max it kills him in 3 days and f's the data
he has to do a mission b4 this thing on him kills him?
like escape froom new york?
or ninja scroll?
he consents and they get 3 frames from, tv to act as a code
but keanu dont know what they are
they stuff it into him as he grits his teetgh and groans in pain
after iit, keanu goes to the toilet as the guys destory the original and fax the images to newawk
fax machines in 2021?
then the yakuza comes in ands kills everyone
also theres anime clips edited in like with house of the dead and game footage
keannu fights em and a guy has a laser whip thumb that slices through stuff like that monowire cyber city oedo 808
keavnu gets away to newark and in the fight, the code images were destroyed
but thumb gets the info after totrturing a guy there
keanu hasd 24 hours before his brain f's out
meanwhile, takeshi meets thumb and cuz thumb has cr0ppy japanese they speak english
the guys he iced has jacked their data and he has to bring back keanus head
but the guuys he iced wiped the data
so the last copy is keanu
like final fantasy adventure where the last mana tree is the thing
and thumb has part of the code
meanwhile, keanu needs the code out and only some special guy can get it
meanwhile, this boduguard chick wants work from the guy who got keanu his brain thing
but she's f'd up and he can't use her
also he's got some possible hermaphrodites as gfs
later ice t watrches in binoculars keanu comes up and suspects him for wearing a suit and not bad mad max fashion
keanu goes to some guys but dont trust em so he wastes em and escapes
1 survives and comes after him but ice t's homie makes a sound and gets capped
who dont keanu have a gun?
he's john wick!!
the shooter nearly caps ice t but keanu wwastes him
then ice t easaves keanu byu wasting another guy
ice t vanishes and sez his name is j bone
sounds like he does p0rn0e
meanwhile, takeshi watches home movies of his kid who just bit it and a video chick talks to him
then keanu confronts his employer over being set up to nearly be iced and the hermaphordite knocks out keamnu
the chick bodyguard goes through the ceiling and keanu wakes up tied to a table with thumb guy and employer and hermaphrodites
they are gonna take off his head and freeza it
but body gusard chick (b g now) comes in and saves him after he agrees to pay her 50 000 $
i like the lighting and set design
its dark but bright
its got life to it
and isnt just bad cgi
sorta good 80s/90s
so bg and keanu escape and thumb slices apart employer like rei from hokuto no ken
btw i was inspired to review this after i saw a vid by fugitive redeye mentioning hes gonna review it
check him out on youtube
he does things well
so ice t and his pack hold off thumb at gunpoint but dont kill them for some reasin
keanu and bg go to the sewers and she wants to stay with him til she gets paid
like misty staying with ash cuz of her bike
so keanu spazzes out from da data and the cyber chick warns takesgi that thumb is gonna turn on him
so hes starscream?
so thumb returns to takeshi and takeshi wastes 2 guys wiith a ssamurai sword but gives thumb another chance
later keanu wakes up and is p-ssed she let hin sleep
he sez he cant see what they put in his head and had a part of his brain that had his childhood memories cut out to fit the cuber implant
good metaphor for how we throw away out childhoods for work
so they go to a place with a computer and set up a vr thing with data gloves to have him manually go through the web
its pretty cool and is done with 90s cgi
btw i think beast wars did this in an ep with tigertron in the predacon ship
he finds a name and the yakuza is tracking him and sends a virus
he asks a malcontent who owes him for help and malcontent sez its pharmacon data b4 the virus gets him
then cyber chuck tells keanu "theyre comming" and they leave
bg uses a grenade and pblows the place
then takeshi calls dolph who's a religuious nut to bring in keanus head
this is really trying to be an anime
so keannu cant use credit cards as the yyakuzas  looking for him online so keanu uses a phone card from bg to call some guy at phaermacon
he tells em he has their data and arranges a meeeting
bg dont trust em as they migfht ice him but hes dead if he dont get the data
then she spazzes out from NAS and sez Spider can hellp them
then dolph gives a sermon and sez hes been cybernetically enhanced
keanu is driven ti this place by a car that we never see who is in it
did he pay for it? cutz his cards were marked
so spider sez nas is made by information overload and electronics poisoning the airwaves
btw, in sonic maria had NIDS which was a medical issues
Aids + NAS = Nids!
so ice t sees dolph and sez hes an assassin who ices guys to pay for his church
takeshi finds out cyber chick died in 2015 and her A I was uploaded to the pharmacon thing that advises the board
and has rights according to a ruling in 2006
giving riights to those who shouldnt have em
they nailed the future
so keanu sez spider his namme is just johnny and he dont got a last name
like bulma in dragon balll?
dolph meets tthis lloyd kaufman looking janitor and freezes his artm in liquid nitrogen, then smashes it, to get info
so spider (from mega man x?) scans keanus brain and examines him
bg wakes up and sez if he could get the data out, it might f it up
spider drives themn to the name keanu got from his web thing and runs over dolph
dolf; halt sinners!
spider; f--k!
runs him over
thats kinda funny
so they go to a clinic where all these ddecroding peiple are from nas
and pharmacon has treatment but its expensive
and the dr name kranu found is a name used when they're f'd but dont wanna spook the patients like if theres a violent crazy patient
so spider has keanu jack in like mega man and he scans his brain
and keanu only has 1 image from tv for the code sio spider uses decription codes
decode talker
so it dobnt work and spider wants to cut oyut the braibn implant which will f keanu's a55 up
somehow soider knows keanu has the cure for nas in his head
keanu dont care as he'd be dead either way even if it saves millions
then diolf comes in and busts a55
spifer sacrifices himself to tell em to get to jones as bg and keanu leave
yyhen dolf crucifies spider
imagine if he was b0ning him with scalples?
so keanu tells pharmacom guy to meet him but guy ids really a program controlled by takeshi
btw, why did the guys who got the cure wipe the database?!
if the cure is so good why not leave it in the companuies hands?!
better they have it than it stops existing
so bg tells keanu jones was in the navy in thge war
what war?!
they better make a spin off that shows it
like star wars clone wars
maybe it was the global civil war in robotech?
or 1st robotech war from 2009-2011
so at the place with jones the guards drop a flaming car on them and they dodge
keanu b--ches about his situation and haaving to slum with these dinks
i know how you feel
when i went to my 2nd high school it was like a slum or prison
like a demigod kicked outta heaven to slum on earth with mortals
so they meet ice t who was also in tank girl in a similar thing and keanu starts spazzing out
they bring him up to their base and takeshi is going in person to get the head of charlie brown
when kiyanoo wakes up he meets jones who is a dolphin with cybernetic implantrs
did they get this from ecco the dolphin?!
also thwy have a hacker base that sends data out to fight corporations
and theres a huge tower of 4 by 3 tvs
this is the good future
without widescreen or flat screen
btww jones is a puppet or w/e thats not cgi like they'd use today
also jones is a junkie
got hooked in the navy ike all those viet nam guys
so keanu dont trust jones but goes in anyway
also the yakuza is at the base and uses a batman brapple hook gun to go up
so joones hacks keanus brane and its got 90s cgi like a sega 32x game
so yakuza waste the guards abd 1 falls on a switch, which drops a car, which takes out a guy, which makes the other yazuka think they were spotted and use a bazooka on them
so they don't get the data from keaino  gotta take on the yakuza
btw that a i girl was from that macross sequel 1st
so takeshi gets in and holds keanu at gun/knife point (but not bayonette)
and cyber girl sez keanu has the cure and takeshis kid bit it from nas
as pharma com makes more money treating nas than curing it
and had the cure the whole time
takeshi cuits the cord keeping cyber chick connected and is capped by thumb
totally star scream
why didnt the bullets hit keanu or jones?
he was between thumbn and keanu
so they fight and keanu/thumb fall off a thing and are hanging on the ende of a hyuge drop
keanu grabs thumbs thumb and pulls it to take off his head
pretty bada55
then dolf grabs bg and takeshi isnt dead yet
he gives keanyu the code then dies
like uyghur in hokuto no ken how he came back for one last bit
so dolf starts crucifying bg and fights keanu while saying bible quotes like bibleman
bg gets jones to microwave dolf or w/e and keanu gives him the wires takeshi cut which makes him burn
cyber chick sez the dolphin can get the 3rd image
but ice t sez it might ice keanu
they use the code to try to get the data from keanu
ice t sez to the net that they have the cure and are broadcasting it so GET UR VCRS ready
they using vcrs in 2021?
this is trhe best future
then we get lawnmowerman like cgi of keanu in cyber world
this is liek atari jaguar cgui
they get the 3rd image and broadcast the cure
how is vcring a image let you have the data for 320 gigs of code for a medical cure?!
then the body of dolf starts moving
but its really cuz someones taking it out like trash
good fake out
and good effevcts
also somehow pharmacom burst into flames
thev end
lol stunts randy butcher
p0rn0 name
and good 90s musicx
animator; glenn campbell?!
the singer?!
legal affairs; andrea wood?!
moar p0rnoe!
scenes froom demon city shinjuku?
just like that janet jackson vid with akira clip
so that was pretty good.
i liked it
good 90s feel
it inspired a lot of stuff later
good effects and music
simple story that grows
i enjoyed it
yeah it had cg but it wasnt overpowering
they used it when needed and properly
and it can go on the history channel
for johnny Mnemonic 2 i want it to be revealed that the cure is actually a fake and using it causes people to mutate into big lumpy grotesque abominations that need to be in contact with ellectronics or it causes them pain. they don't have full minds or souls, but are semi ape like and often eat non-mutated people. and its up to a ice t to try to stop them wiith the dolphin in a mech suit to splatter em as they are mostly liquid now. its also a 16 bit sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba game where you go aroujnd as them and fight em in a run and gun or beat em up thing.

Sunday, August 11, 2019

She's The Man Review

Note: i spell more ammerivan than candy a55 shakespeare
she's the man
this is my review on She's the man fropm 2905
i meanb 2006
freekin battletech
its based on shakespears play 12th night from the castlevania days
this is set in modern times but its sadly the best version i can review
most are tv movies or from the soviet union or no longer exist or something
its got amanda bynes and i think this was the movie that f'd her up
its also got channing tatus (which sounds like a p0rn0 name or move), david cross and noone else i know
its directed by andy fickman who did whos your daddy, reefer madness (from 2005) and pparental guidance
i saw this b4 but remember a bit of it
so after 2 long a55 logos we get a beach soccer game by teens
so bynes and her bf are in love and he sez shes better at soccer than the other gouys on his team
later da school cut the soccer team as not enough people signed up
so she wannts to join the boys team
coach sez chicks aint as tough as dudes
abnd bf sez he didnt say she was as good as his guys and he cares to not see her get hurt
so she dumps him
1st; look up soccor leg break vids
2nd; just cuz a few girls are better than guys at soccor don't mean all girls are as good
its like when someone sez "birds eat spiders' but some dingus sez "what about the bird eatimng spiders in brazil?!"
thats the exception, not the rule
so amanda gores home and her brothers gf confuses her for brother
also amandas mom wants her to be a southern belle or something for a debutaunt ball
also her bro wants to skip 2 weeks ofd school to go to some stoner a55 music fest
also he tells mom hes with dad and dad hes with mom
so amanda decides to cross dress and impersonate her brother
amd join the soccer team to beat her real school
oh and schjool starts in a few weeks but the soccer games are still up somehow
and tells mom shes gonna be with dad for 2 weeks to learn from a friend to be a debutaunt
so her homie gets her hair anmd make up done and she acts like a cr-ppy guy
overcompensating to be manly
and taTUM is her room mate and plays soccer
his name is duke like the g i joe guy
and she covers haviing tammp0ns as nosebleed stoppers
at soccer try outs she gets 2nd string
also its shower time
but the principle has amanda see her to welcome her
hes kind of a dink
like a soyboy like trudeau or beto o rouke
on the way out amanda bumps into a blonde and likes her shoes
then with the guys 1 sez he made her old bf cry after a game
and asks if amandas sister (amanda ) is hot
and 1 guy likes a blonde i think is the shoes chick
so amanda wants to quit after the guys have enough of her cr-ppy guy attemps so this chick fakes being amandas gf in front of the guys
then another chick fakes being another gf
wait, ex gf
then the bros gf comes after amanda so she keeps blocking her face and tells her off so she dont recognize her
the guys accept amanda
you ever realize this is kind of a springer ep?
my sister faked being me
my sister is better at beuingf me than i am
man, we;re only 30mins in?
this movie is whizzing by but not covering much ground
a lot happened in those 30 mins
so the guys think shes a babe magnet and want her wisdom
in sciemnce class amanda get a babe partner and she likes amandas soft side
amanda sez she dont wanna dissecvt thing andpartner fees her bros poems
later magic channing xxl wants amandas help to get the partnet (who looks like minerva from transformers super god master force) in exchange for helping her master soccer
later this dingus named malcom and his pet spider malvolio are into the partner
malcome? like in super human samurai syber squad?
he wants to dig up some dirt on amanda and later gives partner a missing poster for his spider
also amanda growws closer to partner and partner is crushing on amanda
also amanda tells partner to try to give channing a chance
but channing is nervoius around girls
so amanda helps him by faking being a girl
then malvooliio comes in and freaks em out
candy a55es!
spiders are hot!!
if my son were a spider, he'd be pregnant forever!!
not that humans can have spider kids
or guys can get pregnant
then amanda's mom calls saying they have a carnival to go to
both amanda and bro
and channing has to go
this just turned into a sailor moon episode
remember when mina dated tigers eye and hawks eye on the same day?
at the carnival amanda swaps back from bro mode to real self and sees mom and her ex bf she tells off
also she does the kissing booth and takes the place of partner he wanted and they eventually smooch
kissing booth?!
what about mouth diseases?!
so ex bf comes by and is p-ssed ober him smooching the chick he likes and they fist fight
charge your ki for a stronger attack!
the fight trashes the place and they get booted
when amanda returns to school she sees channing with tammp0ns in his nose from the fight
does that work?
get the mythbusters!
and channing dont wanna talk about amanda to amanda as he thinks amanda is his sister
and amanda is trying to guide him to her
but when amanda covers a lovey thing with "which yu wanna see naked" channing think shes got issues for being always so graphic
not all guys are lusty animals
look at robotech
kind gentle bowie got that alien chick
and friendly max got miria
so after amandas  training with channing the partner flierts with channing to make amanda jealous
amanda calls him on a cellphone but channing is enlustened by the curvy blonde partner
then outside amanda tries to get prtner off channings back but she gets amanda and some nerd to double date em
but nerd cant keep her hands off amanda and amanda books it before they b0ne
also real bro is comming home a 1 day sooner
then amanda does her debutaunt thing and acts like a guy in eating like a slob and being brash
at there she chats wirh partnar as her real self about her liking channing and she really likes amanda as a fake guy
she feels bad about it bit is totally into fake bro
but she really wants fake bro amanda
then bros ex gf comews in aND THey all have a comic fight
charge your ki to do a super move!
later malcome is talking with principle about amanda but princlpe dont think theres anthing wrong
then its night and real bro comes by and partner smooches him
also ex gf gets real bro;s message about comiong back from soviet london england and realizes somethings up
then amanda coomes back and channing saw real bro kissed by partner and think amanfa used him and betrayued him
also malcom and ex gf team up to out amanda as malcom figured out amanda and bro are twins from a year book
oh and bro got kicked outta his last school for skipping
so real bro returns to his room and next day gets sucked into the game
amanda wakes up lare and malcom and ex gf tell principle about amanda
at da game, amandas rents figure out she told each rent she was with the other
then its the big game just like in the 20s film west point
amanda finds bro took her uniform ands bro s-cked at soccer
then princlipe and the bad guys come on and reveal bro is a chick
he proves hes a guy by showing everyone his parts
nowadays this would be too much for the candy a55 generation
principle; nothing to see here! no offence!
that one made me laugh
so bro dumps ex gf and gets benched
so at half time amanda reveals her thing to bro and he reveals he kissed partner
they swap cloths and gets coach to give her another chance by asking
btw she wasnt good enough to be on the team until after getting trainingh from channing
she kicks a55
but duke channing dont trust her and dont pass it to her so it f'd em up
chaning fighrs ex bf and theres a soccer riot
charge your ki for a power move!
after that, amanda sez she loves chaning and reveals shes the chick sister girl
she reveals everything and shows her b00bs to proove shes a chick
both times we didn't see it onscreen
this is sorta like in robotech how lancer was a wanted man so he put on womens clothing and hung about in bars as a fake female singer
pretty clever
imagine if madonna was actually gacy
no one would expect it
so the past school coach sez they goota forfeit as no girls allowed
but new school coach tars up the manuel which somehow negates its rules
old school coach gives up and they play the rest of the game
amanda get a free shot ant the ex gf goalie and with soem rebound kung fu gets it in
they win and amanda's fam starts recovering
bro gets partner and nerd girl gets the black guy and they make out weird
amande sends duke tatum an invite to the debutant thing for her coming out and t night in the garder they reunite
they patch things up and he sez if he knew she was a chick he wouldn't have talked to her as easy
they go out together as a debutant thing and later they play soccer together on the same team
did she change schools?
then credits to that 00s song "move along" or w/e
the end
i liked that
its got good pacing
good speed
good acting and music
it had actual color and not dingy dreary darkness
those early-mid 00s films were pretty good
despite being shakespere its actually a good film
except today people might be too disturbed by the fun comedy as they get offended by everything
which makes it even better
for she's the man 2 i want her to have trouble keeping up with the guys in the team who are developing more manly than her and she might be cut. so she gets into roids and becomes a huge hulking muscle chick like fire venus from the violence jack manga. also she keeps having episodes where she blacks out and wakes up covered in guts. its also an 8 bit dr jekyll and mr hyde like game where you alternate between playing soccer mini games and having beat em up levels where she hulks out more and starts splattering and eating people for more protein on nes, tg16, gameboy, game gear, master system and atari 7800.

Saturday, August 3, 2019

Last Night Review

Note: I spell like a reak man. Not a candy a55 canada
last night
this is my review on last night
its got don mckeller from twitch city and like 2 eps of degrassi next gen
I've never seen this b4 but my mom liked it so imma watch and revirw it
it starts with aparently the last night on earth before the apocalypse or something
people are unusuaslly calm
probably because they don't got souls up in soviet canada
but if you go to america, you grow a soul
as having souls is dependant on location
all the stores are empty and sandra oh from that show i never watch is buying booze
while buying cr-p, some punks tip her cr-pmobile over
then the title like a 50s movie
you'd think withthe world about to end people would be riotiong, looting and b0ning everyone.
like florida after the hurricane
or haiti after the earthquake
or section A in violence jack evil town
so don and his fam have christmas or w/e
but its not xmas so they open presents early
his mom goes kinda b--chy over him not wanting to wait and puts booze in her coffee
sandra oh finds her car by a lamp post and its probably been b0ned by teenagers
also the gas company is calling people saying it'll keep the gas flowing til the end
don and fam have dinner talking about how some people went nuts like haiti or florida
but they say not icing people at the end of the world is a sign of values
true, but those words and ideas mean nothing to the moralless
you cant reason with savages
its like trying to reason with a bear
and we all know how grizzly man went
so this chick named lily like the wedding peach girl goes to this guys apartment and they talk
he remembers meeting her but she dont recall him
then they b0ne
but 1st they talk about little things and eat time
so this 12 year old girl wants her ears pierced and is kind of a little b--ch
so eventually don gets home and oh is there and needs a phone so he lets her in
she calls around for her butt buddy or w/e cuz her car got f'd and se needs a ride
don works in a day care and has art by other peoples kids in his place
don sez his mom made them fake christmas and gave em gifts wrapped from their childshood to bring back good memories
don is gonna end the world alone and suggests oh steals a car to get home
so then theres 003 hours left until the end and people outside are cheerful about their end
they've snapped
then the b0ning guy has another chick come by and he tells her his past
he was gonna be a dr
this chick tells him his mom invited him to their prayer meetung to pray for humanity
i think she was his teacher and then they b0ne
while looking for a car to jack, don chats with oh about regular cr-p
he finds 1, busts a window and hotwire it
she met her butt buddy when da gov shut down and was married b4
also shes pregnant with his kid and don dont know how to hotwire
so thry hitch hike
in the apocalypse
thats a recipe for being b0ned dead
so they keep walking and meet a loser who's giving out tickets to his own concert he's finally doing
they want his car but he wont give em it
they go in a place and she sez she and her butt buddy are gonna suicide at midknight
cuz those reporters who say the world ending is ending are never wrong
so they go to b0ning guy's place and the teacher makes dion speak french
why not just scream like an ape?
this is jerry orbach. or in our other official language; ahhh!! ahhhhhhhhh!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! ah! ah! ah! ah!
so b0ning guy wont give them his car as they are anquites
but he gives em it anyway
she goes and b0ning guy thinks don was b0ning oh
once at a yugioh tourney, this guy thought I wasn't a virgin cuz I have a GF. And was confiused when he found out we aren't b0ning
he didn't get the point of liking someone as a love interest and not b0ning em
then acted like me having morals was weird
this is what happens when you watch p0rn0
it turns you into a degenerate
this world is turning into la blue girl
so b0ning guy shows don his lair full of chalk boards of devient actions he wants to do to chicks
its things he's done
wtf don mckeller
you wrote and directed this
arre you a purvo too?!
i mean yeah I joke about b0ning
but i joke about cannibalism and have no interest in doing that
unless its like, a boat in the middle of the ocean
and its just me and a midget who keeps telibg me to pull his finger
but thats when you gotta do it
so don is gonna go home and b0ning guy has a talk with him
get outta there don!
he's probably gonna b0ne you!!
good f--k he actually does!!
i was joking and they actually had that!
don mckeller wrote and direced and acted in a scene where a guy trys b0ning him
and don sez he would b0ne him if he had more time to prepare
looks like its true
b0ning too many women ur not married to can turn you queer
don leaves w/o being b0ned
i cant believe caitlynn ryan nearly married him over joey jeremiah
good think joey beat his a55
so oh is driving and some malcontents swarm her and attack her car
just run em over
a guy nearly b0nes her her anothet guy saves her
maybe this is why the world is ending
all the vice and sin
look at sodom and gomorrah
or noah's flood
or the comming earthquake thats gonna take out soviet california
history repeats
so later this human couple where guy has a gun go to this guys place and then itds 0001 hoirs until the end
we dont see what happens
i think he put the gun up his a55 and gave him a double barreled supossitory
then loser plays piano in a nearly empty arena
so oh returns to don and calls her butt buddy
but there's no answer
she wants to stay til the end with don
she wants him to cap her
but theres an innocent baby in her
thats a double murder
just cuz she wants to not be iced by the end
tis better to die than be killed?
also she got wine despite having a baby in her
why not just microwave a guy's parts?
you wouldn't give booze to a baby
why is it different to give it to it in you?
so don and oh tell each other about their lives
dons girl bit it right b4 they said da world would end
a geezer b--ches about how worrying about kids isnt good as she put 80 years in and its f'd now
so b0ning guy b0nes like his 600th chick and he's running outta juice
also don and oh are ready to headshot each other
did he steal this from mad bull 34?
so time runs out and they smooch instead of cap
then the screen goes white and credits
oh f
bird dog dickens was a sound mixer
he was in degrassi and later arrested for watching p0rn0 of people f--king animals
also; jim butt
a name in the credits
well with all the b0ning this might as well be a p0rn0
huh, this was from 1998
well that wasnt bad
not much happened in it
its a more quiet and mild apocalypse movie
makes sense as its canada and they aint known for being awesome or bada55
i didn't hate it
but there's not muuch there
and it didn't feel like x men 1 or halloween 1 with good build up and release
it just kinda happened without really happening
lotsa ugly people too
its an ok film
buut there's just not much that occurs within its gates
for last night 2 i want it to be revealed that they were wrong about the end of the world and people are disgruntled by it. so disgruntled that they give up on civilization and start b0ning and eating each other in a giant pit in the center of town. this occurs all over the world and the lust and senseleessness cause daemons to summon and start destroying the world and b0nig and eating the people. the good people who stayed sane use holy words to fight the daemons and send them back to H E Double California and go around clearing out the area and icing the people who summoned them. so they don't return. Then in Laat Night 3 its revealed da gov was behind it to take out most of the people to make the world easier to manage and the summoning was their plan the whole time. and the good people go to take em down. also its an upb to 4 player 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba where you play as 1 of 4 bada55 bodybuilders including chicks and fight daeons with holy words and people with fists and items.