Cutie Honey Review

 Note: I spell cute

Cutie Honey

This is my rewview oin Cutey Honey from 2004 (The yewar before Transformners the Movie and the Mars base thing in Robotech)

its based on the series by my fave author Go Nagai (Or as my dad called him: gon-d guy)

its directed by Hideaki Anno who did evengelion, shin godzlla, nadia the secret of blue water, gunbuster, re cutey honey, and most of these were gay emo and mentally unbalanced (Like tennessee williams)

it stars a buncha japanese dudes i never heard of and was dubbed byt trhe 4kids cast (Who also did a lot of p0rn0 (Which probably made Go Nagai happy))

I saw this b4 but it was years ago

so it starts with Honey Kisaragi taking a bubble bath and even though we get close, therew's no onscreen nudity on here

So its like Jungle de Ikou or Eiken, but not as super busty

Imagine Honey with huge udders like Mii or Komoe?

So sshe gets a call from a guy and hears theres an attack and trys to transform but she's outta power and has nothing to wear

so shge goes out in undies and a shopping bag, runs through town, guys a lot of snax, eats em as she runs, throwes her shopping bag dress awaym, and transforms into a motorcycle chick and drives on one outta nowghere

meanwhile, a chopper comes over and hears the japan forces are trying to deal with this thing and lands

a business suit like natsuko comnes out, seeming more like Nerw Cutey Honey Natsuko than the girly mc girl girl from the classic Cutey Honey, and is bossy and b--chy

So Dr Ruzuki was caught hostage and she tells through a megaphone thety have thew bad guy surrounded and to surrender

Then we see the hostage thing and its Gold Claw with the Dr tied with a rope around him, who takes out her own megaphone to say she's one of the 4 great claws of Panther Claw like how in Sailor moon Season 1 2 4 and with the Garlic Jr arc of dbz they had 4 guys to beat

She snaps her fingerts and the cops behind her spin like Wonder Woman andreveal they are Panthers in disguise and surround Natsuko with gold guns

they fire at her a lot but turned out to cap eachother as Nat is saved by Honey, who then drags and throws her behind a cop car as the Panthers fire on them but all shots miss

Nat pulls her gun but Honey is gone like Batman and Has freed the Dr by faking being a Panther

the panthers chase and catch him, wait, his name is Utsugi?! Like Demon Long Dante?? And Natsuko megaphones em saying they saved the Dr

turns out itsHoney who does a Henshin thats not nude and looks like bad Power Rangers and she gives a rundown of her formes b4 saying she's Cutey Honey

Then we get the Anime Opening with the Cutey Honey theme which is widescreen and in color

Honey fights the Panthers and its kinda weierd anime style with Anime style movement and feels

they empty their guns at her but she blocks witrh a sword like dragon ball and they she figjts em like the v r troopers

honey fights gold claw and we get a good view of her pits and gold claw uses her head tentacle to swong and slam Honey around

but honey had snapped off her hand blades so she fires missiles from her right arm, which do ind of a Robotech thing as Honey stops em in a weird anime style fight

Goldman fires random shots that bust the area nd all miss honey

then after the smoke clears, the dr is gone andgolden sacksflies off on a  propereller head tentacle carrying the dr,

So Honey fires a totallly cartoony looking Honey Boomerang and circimsizes her head as she falls to the sea and Honey saves the Dr

but Natsuki arrests honey for no reason and Seiji Hayami, a Journalist, comes in and she arrests him too.

Honey snaps her cuffs like Android 16 in DBZ and uses Honey flash to escape wuith Seiji.

Later Honey is at work in an office and is sunny and cheerful and the coworkers whione about it

Honey eats a lot cuz I Guess she wants to be a fat chick like those Diert thing adds with chubby honey, and her coworjer makes her bring tea to the office guys like a slave

but coworker b--ches at her for not giving out the drinks in order of tiers they are

Hope some hermaphrodite b0nes her dead

later Natsuko gives her report that the place Gold Claw f'd up was done by a group the gov knows nothing of, and her bossed dump on her for it

there was a precious metals smuggling ring then a teen girl kidnapping thing

so natsuko goes to the firing rangfe despite japan being pretty gun phobic, and gets a perfect score

so after a day at the office evveryone leaves but honey as she's working on cr-p

janitor gives honey a home made rice ball and she loves it

da next day Honey is in her undies and [playing with a cat and calls dr Uzuki who's machine sez he was caught by Panther claw

Natsuo gets a call telling of the dr getting kidnapped again (Which I guess means its Utsugi and the duubbers can't talk Nippon cuz they are Okama Gaijin froim Jigoku) and Honey is on her flip phone looking up Natsuko

at work Honey is late and really faking bewing a cop to find Natsuko

wait, i think she was faking being Natsuko but with rred hair as  Japanese are known to be more than just dark haired

Natsuko's minion trus to ask her something but Honey esacapes as Real Natsuko comes in and he's confused

Honey asks other guys but they treat her like the cr-p Natsuko is and she turns back to her 70s looking outfit

Seiji is there, leaning on the wall looking cool and he gives her his card and sez shes fits the name cutey honey

She nearly uses her Henshin but he sez she don't gotta use the AI system and he's here to help her

then they are going through a tunnel on segways like nerds and he sez Panrther Claw is enhanced by Nanomacbines

its the same stuff her dad Dr Kisarahi was working on and he was iced for not sharing it, and her uncle is the next target

Utsugi is her uncle?! That's not canon!

So Seiji wants to get the rights to an exclusiive interview with her in exchange for more info and Natsuko comes in on a  bike

he sez he'dd share his info with her and calls het Natty (Like natty bumpo?) and Honey loves it!

Seiji tells em (with an animated scene) they are fighting the evil group Panmther Claw who fused their bodies wuitrh weapons and are lead by Sister Jill

Then we get a song about jill song by some lady gaga prototype sounding like mandy moore as jill rises looking like a man or hermaphrodite

jills butler welcomes her back from being with Panther Zora and sez they'll be unstoppable now

So natty wants to go alone and the other 2 wanna come and seiji takes honey in his 60s car and they drive off

back in PCHQ the 4 emperors ate there, eachj with their own light color, Pink, Orange, Blue and Purple (No green?) and Cbalt Claw sez they celebrate her 2222 awakening

Black Claw, Cobalt Claw, Gold Claw and Scarlet Claw introduce themselves and say they rebuilt her army 10 000 strong

and they have a bunch of teen girls for her to feed on, which if you saw Cutey Honey 90s, You'd klnow what she does to girls!!

Also they made new weapons for her made ouutta Gold, which is actually a bad idea as gold is soft, Also, What is this the Gold Digger fronm New Cutey Honey OVA 8?!

Also they got her a new home: The Jill Tower! (Like Trump Tower? Well, This WAS dubbed in Soviet New York!)

Jill don't like Za Warudo for being boring and how nothing changed, but butlet sez 1 thing did

Meanwhile, Honey wants revenge on PC and Seiiji trus to talk her outta it, which kinda goes against the spiruit of the Original Cutey Honey, What is this? The last of us 2? Nobody normal lied that!!

also PC wants Honey's body to to deviant things to, I mean, use her AI system or w/e

So Honey sez someones following em and Seiji knows, but it turens out its Natsuko's goons

Honey gettas out anbd they follow her but they find a guitar girl rocking out by the road and move on

Honey realizes she's late and walks on in a skimpy top and jears and Natty follows

Honey changes to her work outfit in an alley like a h00ker and natty seez and figures it out

Jill hears Honeey can match the power of Panther claw and wants her

seiji looks it up and finds Dr Kisarag's daughter bit it in a car accident like in Astro Boy

But the guy in a dungeon office he's talking to on da phone sez she's the key to the Ai System

Also sseiji has a breifcase of capsules tthat are colored

then Honey gets to Work wiuth grocery bags and natty fopllows

the guys ride her thicc a55 over being late and Panthers with Cobalt Claw see natty and wanna take her out

the coworkers arte b--chy about honey and Natty merts honey to talkin da hall, an office guy might be mo lestiung a girl, wait, she's  just being b--chy and nastty hates weak women

turns out he cheeted on her and she's acting all b--chy at him, which would explain why he cheeted

she getsd caught by panthers and natty and honey go to the little girls room where natty pins her to the wall and... interrogates her

turns out Honey isn't in any gov data bases (Why would she be?! does da gov have a fiule on all its citizens?! Whgat is this? The ussr? or england??)

she asks her a buncha quesatiions, puills a gun on her (Which would get her evidence thrown out in a REAL court) and sez "answers or prison"

is japan's legal system really this bad?

This is turning into Starship Troopers!

She gets a phonecall from seiji who's a reporter and can get any info he wants somehow, and sez the enemy is after her

then on da ceiiling like the exorcist, this chick (I think the b--chy one who dumped her bf)

Honey runs draggons Natty as the intentionally cr-ppyliciuos animated chick wallks on the ceiling

This makes freekin Seaghost look like Avatar!!

they get to the elevator and natty b--ches about honey getting in her way and the skin of the b--chy chick falls and on the ceiling is Cobalt Claw (Who somehow either was already in there the whole timne, or got in w/o being noticed)

She wraps em up in her head tentacles and is stringing up natty for not knowing anything

honey strains and hits her neck thing and does honey flash and turns to cutey honey and is gonna avenge her dad

trhey fight and Cobalt is stretchy and gooey and unzipts her pockets and extra arms come out (Yeah, that makes sense) and she pins Honey to da wall

Da arems return inside her as its easier to film and Cobalt bites her

Honey asks if this is how they iced her dad and Cobalt sez she don't recall what she did a year ago

Honey gets an anger boost and bends her arms back but Cobalt is made of latex or w/e and it don't harm her

Honey them raises her bodyheat and cooks her as Seiji tells Natty to get Honey to transform to save her life

Natty tells her to turn back but honey wants revenge and natty sez Cobalt deserves a trial (which is weird as she arrests people w/o charges but thinks trials are needed)

Honey screams and pops her like a balloon (Not Jumbo Panther) and butler tells Jill that the anger and hate in Honey's heart as too much for Cobalt Claw

Jill don't care as Cobalt was a loser and Butler sez Dr Kisargi was able to break down and rebuild matter with nanotech

Jill wants to use it to be youing and less devolved ort mannish (and if you read the manga, you'd know what Jill should look like; a thicc sm chick!)

So in the elevator honey is f'd out and seiji taps her neck thing and she turns back to her undies forme and says cyborgh tech is limited by its human host, but that's her only weakness, and leaves

natty is gonna cuff hobey but leaves her and later honey wakes up in bed cared for by natty in her place (which is syper organized and kinda autistic)

honey thinks its cool and recaps (in animation)how she bit it and Dr K revived her with his science magic

The Ai system (Im,aginarty Induction System) is controlled by her neck thing and natty is surprized shes artificial and feels her face

Honey sez she don't recall anything b4 the accident but recalls (In anime) her dad holding her hand, but she can make new memories(Like with Yugioh?)

Seiji is outside and sees natty is the 1st honey trusts with her identity

Honey sez sorry for getting her involved and how she don't like being full of hate

natty sez love can hurt more like its Batman Returns (A kiss can be deadlier if you mean it)

So jill is devolving into a plant thing and drains the life from girls captured and her hand turns back, and needs the I system

da next day natty wakes up and her dead flowers are big and alive cuz of Honey (A metaphor for her life)

natty is b--chy and it bums hooney out

Honey sez the I sistem can incrtease life but can't make new life where none is (So does she have a womb? can she get preggers? Can we get super pregnant Honey??)

Honey likes helping living things grow and natty thinks gardening is not worth the work (Country redneck honey! with daisy dukes, bare feet, a flannel shirt tied around like a bikini top, a cowboy hat, and a confederate flag trramp stamp!)

natty sez as honeys better she can go and honey walks around town dressed in her virgin white 70s outfit to the 70s Cuteyu Honey song but more modern and feeling bummed, and wearing different outfits like some kinda music video from the 90s

she goers to work dressed like a moustache man and thinks how if she stays there, the other workers who treat her like cr-p will be in danger

janitor recognises her and she can't takke it and runs

meanwhile, seiji's contact sez he put pressure on japans foreign ministry and things are going to plan asnd for seiji to hirry up asnd solve the case

seiji fixes a bike and natty is transfdered to the human trafficing case as the japanese police force looked bad cuz of her (I notice the director is big on makking japasan look bad, But I only saw shin godzilla and felt it made me hlose respect for Japan) annd her superiors felt they expected too much from a rookie

she puts herhigh heel shoe on the table and they say sghe'll be diuiciplined and haver her surrender her firearm

honey swings at a playground while crossdressing and wonders how to find the bad guys and decides to get help

Then Seiji meets Natty and he researched  her and knows all her fave things

she don';t care and he trys being more romantic but then Honey comes in saying when she called Seiji he sed to come over

natty is kinda b--chy and don't like honey and honey talks to seiji which makes natty b--ch out

Why did you devolve her anno? Natsuko is aninnocent schoolgirl, not some disgruntled c-ck sucker!

Then again, this guy made asuke from evangelion

So honey pounds a few brewskis and natty worries it might f honey up

Honey gets emotional and natty ssez she hates cryers so honey trys to make her smile with her hands, on her face

honey then goes into seiji's hidden room and finds all these photoes of her al;l over which he probably j-rks off to a lot

Also are a few of natty and natty and honey and seiji get hammered and do kareoke

you can tell the dubbers had fun with this

So butler sez Honey has a heart like Humaans and is connected to Dr Utsugi and wanmts to get Honey to come to them

laTER Natty wakes up hung over and is disgruntled she woke uyp in a guy she just mets hotel and honey jokes that nattys a sl-t

honey predicts what natty will say anbd sez it as she sez it and sez they synchro

natty leaves and seiji sez she puts up a wall to keep those from caring for her and its bugging her she cares

seiji gers a viudeo phone call from butler to invite them to the jill towwer and to dress up fancy for it

and under the door are envolopes and the realize jill wants natty to come

natty is out getting a gun from an uindergound ally as japan is gun phobic and its hard to get a real one and her homies found info on seiji

she sez it makes sense and she goes off

seiji sez he has errends and goes off as honey puts on an asian dress and meets narry but is revealed she didn't use her honey powers to change into the dress(which is like playing a game without going to options and giving you the full number of lives allowed! You have the power! Why not use it?!) as she wants to do it herself

natty fixes her hair and i guess honey is kind of a bimbo here and Honey is gonna fix nattys glasses but finds she dont need em

honey can use her powers as its not for her but a friend and fixes em

natty wants to save dr utsugi herself and honey goes to the jill tower

at the PCHQ Jill is tyired of gold Claws f--k ups and drops her down a hole to h-ll or w/e as she begs for another chance. What is this? Sailor Moon?

Honey is near das tower and it spins and spazzes out and a huge a55 spiral grows outta under it and reaches to the sky

Drill Claw! Is this you?!

then butler calls her and shows her uncle is a  huge guy standing by the building honey is on

Butler sez they scanned his mind for info on the I system and got rid of his memories

honey trys to get to him like Pan in GT with Goku and he holds out a watch that was Honey's dads

he remembers as, like robvocop, man is more than physical and tissue, but there's a spark of the divine in him that casn't be erased

the Utsugi giant is a hologram andf spirals up the top of the tower like bad GameCube CGI and butler sez to come get him, if she can!

Honey Henshins and she's nude for a bit but not showing buttcrack or nips and runs over and faces Scarlet Claw who dires a  mouth blast that blows a bunch buildings and probably kills hundreds of people

Scarlet Nova Dragon sez if Honey dodges, then her blast will take out the buildings behind her and fires abnnother blast, which Honewy base ball bats with her sword in crazuy sketchy anime style and nukes her in her own attack

She's not dead and runs off and Seiji sees this pink tree thing that he sez is jills true forme

and take sout a capsule and sez it goes aginst his clients wishes but he must do it

so Scarlet is all f'd up and meets Black Claw who she asks for help

he cuts her down as i guess good guys can't kill bad guys anymore, even though honey iced Cobalt claw and all those Panthers, kinda like in Violence Jack OAV 1 how Mari didn't want Kenichi to kill anyone, but he already iced 2 guys in from of her

Honey comes up and Blicketee Black Claw sings a cool song in his Dan Green voice about how mondo cool he is

I just realized his face is like that Star Trek guy who was White on 1 side and black on the other

the panthers behind him play thatmozart song and black clouds summon around the area and honey fights Black Claw

Natty is walking up this tower of babel and Seiji calls saying how the chicks captured were being used by Jill as a battery (Totally not ripping off ther matrix or anything) and he freed em with an Antio Nano device

So Honey fights black clay or Blacvky fropm UFO RO Grendizer to 70s Honey music and he''s impressed by her power

He nails her across the city, she slams into a building leaving a huge impact in her body shape like Shutendoji OVA 1, and falls juicy buns 1st onto a car with Go Nagai in it

Blacky C uses Black Tornado (Not Rust Tornadio from Mazinkaizer) and spins like a beyblade to turn the dark clouds into a  twister that chases Honey with cheap effects and sucks her up

Natty has Butler at Gunpoint and tells them to release the Dr annd butler sez he wiill if she does sh-t for him

Seiji tells her not to trust him but she surrenders to them and they throw her gun and take out the clip off the tower

Seiji catches the gun and Honey is blown back to the tower as Black Claw is beyblsading ast her with the clouds returning

he knocks her sword away and Honey's outta juice but as Boston Blackie goeres in for the kill, she catches his blade annd his body spins

she throws him and collapses as he gets up and gives a speech about being zee ubermench and geton on top of her, but is only strangling her

she fires a Honey Boomerand through him, kinda like the Female Violence Jack busting through Kapaeru as he's b0ning her, and he butes it

Honey struggleres to her feet as the clouds go away and walks to Sister Jills room.

If she's low on health, Why not jump off the building and resummon at the last checkpoint with full life?

Honey wants her uncle back but butler shows hes ok as natty took jhis place, and nails her with a ki attack

he sez honey can survive his attacks but natty can't and she shhould surrender the I system

natty sez to run and honey sez no and butler think this could be love

jill sez shes the bearer of everlasting life and beauty and wants her I System as its  perfect, and Like jill, Honey is immortal (Which explains New Cutey Honey and Cutey Honey 90s) but she chooses to live as a human

Jill sez honey dont appreciate her power so jill wants it as it fits her better as jill is the future of minkind

then wants Honey to go in her womb (ew! (Wait, wants the opposite happen in the Cutey Honey 90s Manga??)) and uses ki to lift honey to her like Freeza in DBZ

Jill wants feelings again and wants to fuuse with her like with Devilman

Honey consents if jill lets natty go, which she does

honey sez to spare her friendsand honey gets wooden as natty calls out to her

then seiji is there and serz to use the I sdystem as Jill isn't as strong as her and she has her dads love

butler sez honey is becoming part of jill and thus; the Tree of Life (Like, the one from the Bible with the Immortality fruit? Which was kinda referenced in Journey to the West wiuth Son Wukong eating the l;ife extending fruit?)

butlers j-zzing his pants at honey fusing with sister jill like a beta male feels seeing a womanm do anything he sees as "empowering" and Natty gets her hun fron Seiji with 1 bullet

She takes off her glasses and sez to honey they'll fight together and to turn to her

honey does and natty shoots her neck thing and hhoney uses her power and we sees her holding her dads hand wioth his watch

shes in her dads love annd jill sez she rejected love as its the source of human weakness (What are you? Souuther from Hokuto No Ken??) and laments of honey rejecting her

Honey has memories of her as a girl and jil sees love in honeys heart

jill sees she cant have this feelking irregardless of her wisdom, but homey sez there's love in her

da f--k?! Honeyu helping sister jill find love?! Thats like ddragon ball evolution level changes to the characters! What next? Fortress Maximus being best friends to Mega Zarak?!

Sister Jill is her nemesis! Honey killing her is a great goal in the 70s series! Why not just have Goku getting Freeza Launch as a Gf?!

Even in the 00s they were candying the a55es of classic shows! Honey has a body count! She wastes dozens to hundreds of bad guys! On purpose! Why not just have the Power Rangers try to help the monsters and they bite it by mistake

They did this to Sailor Moon too! In the manga the Sailor Scouts killed the bad guys themselves! Not just monssters of the say, but humasny ones like Tigers Eye and Fish Eye! But the anime toned it down!

Imagine if they made Violence Jack and he didn't knife anyone and the bad guys were hannah barbera dinks instead of cold killers?

This is some disney bull cr-p where they changed everything and toned it down to appeal to a mass market

You know in the REAL l;ittle mermaid she has to wack the prince or she devolves to seafoam, but don't, and dies, and he gets a better girl, butr she gets a soul from her sacrifice and goes to heaven

Not in the disney version!

There we get the Snow White ending, again, for like the 30th time!

And in Pinnochio he gets lynched in 1 part!

The guy who gave us the dark, f''d up, teen j-rkin off on coma girl evangelion, disneyed Cutey Honey

Plus he f'd up Godzilla

I never saw em, but, the live action kekko kamen were probably closer to canon than this!

or the f'd up, p0rn0 star castiung Oira Sukeban movie!

So sister jill turns into glitter, then a tree, then as flower, then a differemt flower, them vanishes., then honey sez bye to dad and she loved him.

natty runs to honey abnd creys cuz shes happy honeys opk even though she hates crying women, and its all to anti subtle piano to try to make us feel

butler holds the seed of jill and sez she saw an eternity of boredom and pain, and saw mans evil, and as honey is immortal, she'll know the pain jill had too

honey sez shes differenmt as she has love for her friends and the world

butler sez he's gonna serve jill for the rest of his life and I just realised Jill being returned to a seed is like Sailor Moon how Hotaru got Deaged after beating the bad guy.

butler crys on the seed and it rains inside and the tower fluies up, the drill thing below it blows, and the tower lands clean where it left

Seiji is going but  natty wants to know his deal as he had an anti nano device she knows was made for honey and tells honey not to trust him

honey knows seiji is an american agent and trusts him

nattty sez thanks to her goons for helping her, who are named goki and todoroki, and thanks honey

honey and seiji say natty is cute when smiling and seiji wants to be an investagator with honey, despite having a US job

they invite natty and seiji introduces himself with Goku and Todoroki and they tell honey to come along

then the credits of the actors having fun and its in full screen so wee know the director filmed it RIGHT and cropped it to f it up

oh and a good 00s japamnese song

mann a lot of japanese compasnies were part of this

The end

Well, that was something

it had life, color, fun, some heart, some good themes, some meaning, and a good dub

a bit cheesy and silly but then again, Go Nagai did Kekko Kamen and Empi chan

its a fun time and, just like dragon ball evolution, made some changes that are pretty non canon, but it dont ruin the film

its pretty much a live action anime, even with actuasl anime in it

its bnright and sunny just like the title character and summed up 25 eps of 70s anime in a 94 min film

sorta like the tim Burton Batman; it isn't just an origin story, but unravels the mystery as it goes on as the main character is already their finished hero self

Its quite fast paced and they cram a lot into its hour and a half

Its pretty nuts and sorta random, but the 70s show was like that too

Glad I saw it. Its pretty good and nowadays, all the flip phones would make this seem dated like 80s brick cellphones

For Cutey honey 2 i want them to be investigating a cult that ritual sacrifices girl to their daemon goddess and eats their wombs in blood rituals, turns out; its the followers of the daemon goddess panther zora and they are trying to summon her to end the world. so honey has to fight them and their devolved into sexy monsters formes created by being posessed by Zora's ki. Its also a 16 bit platform game like Castlevalnia on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Arati Jaguar and GBA where you play as Honey and fight the cult members with them reviving Zora as a final boss and its a boss that takes up the whole level and you gotta take out its life jewels to beat her.