Thursday, September 23, 2021

Duel At Diablo Review

note; i spell like its timer to duerl

duekl at diabo

this is my review on Duel At Diablo from the distant future year of 1966

its got james gardner, sidney poitier, Bibi Andersson from the 7th seal, Ralph Nelson who directed embryo, John Hoyt from My Favorite Brunette /Julius Caesar / X: The Man with the X-ray Eyes / Desperately Seeking Susan and Flesh Gordon, William Redfield from Death Wish 1 and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, john crawford from The Greatest Story Ever Told/ Jason and the Argonauts / Exodus/ The Red Badge of Courage / Cyrano de Bergerac, and some WW1 guys I never heard of

Its directed by Ralph Nelson who did Tick, Tick, Tick, anf Embryo

I never saw this b4 but keep seeing it on the TV Listings so imma do it now

so after a coool oipewning of a nife cutting a logo, a guy is hanging from his feet on a wood thing and a cowboy is hiding and binoccularing

some indians ride by and he j fk's em, takes a horse, rides between 2 horses at the same time aND 1 horse gets it

he escapes on 1 and saves this blonde, gives her water and tthey find shes from where he's going

theres just apacche for the next 60 miles and she thinks they wont ice her

he rides off as the indian fires at him and we get credits


f u caps locvk

so they get to this violence jack wasteland village and the people are not glad to see blonde and care more for her dead horse

cowqboy is james gardner and he gets his horse cared for and meets his homie in the army

the guy who knows blonde, i think her buttbuddy, is bummed at her coming back w/o the horse and when she crys he dont care at 1sdt but comforts her

i assume she whines a lot and he's used to it

they smooch a bug and he sez he waited for herr fort a yeat

when she trys to tell what happened, he dont wanna hear and she sez she had to live with the apache

he cares about what people think as he has to work with em and she sez she was better with the apache

so at the army place his army chum goes and gives word the the army head that james is back

at da salloon james has liuquor and army head goes in

a sales guy wants to go with the army for protection but is denied

james tells army head the apache are going on the attack cuz they live in a cr-ppy reserve and army guy sez it dont excuse their murders

well, 2 wrongs dont make a right

james opens a sack and a scalp comes out and sidney asks how much for it

james trys to kioll him and army head beats him iout as the xscalp was once his woman

later army head sz he got the scalp from a guy and james wants revenge but army guy sez revenge isnt civilized

jamies dont care and army guy sez he';s getting marreid and is gonna be a general when he goes to his next place

well, thats the end of him!

so james goes out and its night and faces sidney crosby who's disgruntled that james wanted to kill him

james is over his murder rage and sid sez sorry

if this were today it would be a dead baby and sid would want its stem cells to sell to science sickos

so blonde is caughty by guys for wanting to steal a horse and trhey wanna b0ne her

so james beats on em like he's violecne jack

1 guys gonna piutchfork james but sid pulls a gun on him

the fight breaks a fence bvar and horses get out 1 guy sez he wasn't gonna harm her and james sez dont tell her husband

sid sez he likes changing da odds and chick, who's hiding sezx he saved her honor but theres none left

then whines about being seen as sub human for being with the apache

james reveals he had an indian wife and feels for her and his woman got iced

we're only 40 mins in? with adds too!

she reveals she was nearly killed by soldiers who spared her for having blonde hair

and most think its better to bite it than be an apache's butt slave

james gets her to her husband and she sez even if they mover, her man would know she was an apache slave

sid talks to an army guy about how he wants his money of catching and breaking in 40 fhorses and he wants to make a salloon

this army guy sez to army head(and is above army head) they are moving him out tomorrow but army head sez he needs more time

and sid will only be paid for the 20 horses he did already and if he does more on the trip[, he'd get paid for those

sid sold his clothes and got a p-mp suit and sent his employees home and is disgruntled at being jood like this

so da army with new cadets hardly trained are gonna go out and sid is in a t shirt f--king with a horse

james tells husband not to leave his wife on this trip and he sez she jacked 2 horses and ran off and he dont care for her

she muct've p-ssed him off to make him so b--chy

did they have t shirts in the 1800s?

so the new army goes out and blonde is caught by apache who hate her for getting one of them iced

the apache head sez he don't wanna live like an america but would rather die an apache

the apache treast her sh-ttily and she seez her half white kid who she's happy to see

apache head sez he's gonna berry her alive in his sons grave

apacher head goers on a trip with the baby and james sees em

sid is bumming another horse and james comes by with an extra horse

he saez about the stats of ther apache and head army sez he might attack but they only got 29 guys

husband just wants to get his merch to store and head army guy sends a rider to get reinforcements

james hardger sez if they fight the apache, then they could save the wife but he dont care

japmes looks with binoculars at the bloinde being treasted sh-ttily by apache and japmes rides in, frees their horses and saves blonde whos got a baby

meanwhile, army head sends sidney AHEAD AS A SCOUTAND UNDER A LOG IS SOMEONE HIDING


f u caps lock

so apache headf gives the signal and hidden guys open fire on em as they get in

the horses scatter and soldiuers frerakout and the 2nd wave of apache attack

the Americans fight on and sid fires a few shots to help army head

then the 3rd wave of apache comes in and the Americas try to escape

husband'sd horse gets capped and they cut it loose and go on

they get to the wastelands and fighty back and drive em off

1 apache torches a fallen wagon so the Americans can't use it

so army head's legs snapped and the Americans lost 16 guys, a cook wagon, the water and a buincha injuries

army head sez they will have to use the canteen water and drink theier own sweat

imagine if this were made today and they drank their p-ss or j-zz

but they are gonna wait til reinfoecements arrive

james and blonde see the guy going for reinfoercements and he's got his hands cooked off and is hopefully dread

james gets to the opening and holds his baby up as apache hewad wont rick his grandson getting blown apart

the apache chief fires himself and the baby blows apart in a spray like a pom,egranatre aspoldong

jk really james and friends escaspe to the American men there and sid gets along with the fillipoinio baby

james tells armyt head the apaches tortured the guy and know abouyt the rueinforcements he was gonna get and al the ammop in their wagons

so they are gonna go to diablo canyon for water, but there's no way out

husband gets b--chy about his womaN HAVING A bast-reed kid andf is gonna duel sidney

but james fires his shot gun and stops it

army head sez hes gonna send a wagon trup to fake em out and fake going to the village b4 heading to the canyon

So its night and husband helps blonde with her bast-rd kid

the wagons go on and jaMES AND sidney stay behind and as the weagons gon on and asround, they turn back

despite the sun coming up with the weagons, its darker where james and sid are anmsd sid sez "its almost dawn" despite the j\et black sky

so jaames and the scouts take out the apache guiards al capone style and the wagons are attacked by da apahe

the Americans fight the apache and husband shotguns a few

the apache jackk his wagon and run and army head has snapped and rides around swingimng his sword unryiol sid calms him

james got away to the place he was headed and fought a few apache

army guy above army head sez he never fought indians and  asks sid what to do andthe troop has 11 guys left

james goes out and his canteen is out and he rides on

so the Amrricans are gonna blow the ammo but a guy is j fk'd by an arrow

the appache head wonnt risk blowiing tghew ammo so he uses link arrows

so james is in the a55 heat of the desert abnd is spazzing out

then the horse bites it and he pulls out a gun but dont do it

The blonxe treats the army head and husbnand hats with her about how he regrets how a555 holish he was

and how if he had a kid with her, they could have been happy

hhe gives her a guin with 2 shots in case the apach  gets em

2 apache follow james and he j fk's em and he gets heir horses and water

the apache in the canyon are planning sometjhing and sid gets a judgement arrow through the arm

da apache are using a wagon as a shield and pushing it with  horses but they fire on it and ice a few

tthey use a gunpowder traP and blow a thing

so in town the guy accused of icing james  woman asks if james is in town

husbnand has dissappeared from the canyon and james has wenmt to see the guy who iced his woman

james asks accused killer (who was wuith a chick but now she's gone) where he got the scalp

he sez he won it in a poker game and james sez she was his wife

accused sez its for tthe best and wont tell where he got it from

accusedf makes james take off his gunbelt and james sneak attacks him  and pins him wuith a blade to the neck and interrogates him for the name

accused sez it was husband and we cutr to huyasbasnd being tortured by indians

husband screams as they doo offsacreen things to him to freak em out

in the real version they were b0ning him

sid sez to prep the ammo wagon for blowing but the guy is iced offscreen by an apache

blonde goes out to fiunish husband but army guy stumbles around and takes as hit fkr her

blonde fires 1 shot into the sniper and army head finishes him

sid sez army head did well by holding off a bigger force and protecting the ammoand army head bites it

So its day and sid and bloonde with italiano baby go out to deliver her kid to the apache as her kid wont accept him

she leaves him upin an area like moses or kal el and they return as the apache sneak up

they look f;ds but,, like birth of a nation, reinforcements arrive and save the blonde and stop the baddz

all thats left is the head apacher and a few of his guys and tyhey surrende\r

execute him for his crimes!!

james stops blonde from going to husband and sez he's gonna find him

james finds a cooked husnband begging to be iced

james gives him a gun and husband blows his head off

apcahe head puts his hands on the id to infect him with his evil ki like in star trek 02 with spock devolving mccoy and the army goes back to civilisation

the end

that was pretty good

kinda dark but with a birhgt look

good use of dealing with racial issues and not fitting in of those who go against the protoculture

good drama music and the blonde was pretty good at her acting

european actors are usually better

although there was tommy wiseau, but he;s good in his own way

this one was well made and worked out pretty good

for Duel At Diablo 2 I want it to be years later and the james and blonde are married and her kid is really demented and violent and is eating animals alive and taking bites outta people. they meet a dr who says the kid has an infection of evil ki from when his grand father put his hands on him and it needs to be destroyed to free him from the curse. so they use an ancient talisman to go into his soul and fight off the evil ki in his pressure points. Its also an 8 bit beat em up on nes, gameboy, sega master system and game gear, atari 7800 and lynx and tg16 and youi play as james gardner and/or the blonde and fight through the demons in his soul.

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