Mission To Mars Review

 Note: i spell marsian

MNission to marz

This is my review on Mission To Mars from the diustant future yewar of 2000 (25 years before robotech II The Sentinels Cyber Pirates and Transformers Victory)

Its diirectal by Brian De Palma who ddid Carrie o1, the 80s Scarface, the 80-s The Untouchables, Raising Cain,

Its based on a disney ride like Pirates of the Carribean and The Hauybnted Mansion

It stars Gary Sinise from Open Season 01/The Green Mile/The Quick and the Dead/Apollo 13/Forrest Gump/Of Mice and Men, Tim Robbins from Howard the Duck/Top Gun 01/Twister/The Shawshank Redemption/Dead Man Walking/Austin Powers 02/Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy/The Simpsons, pro evil Don Cheadle from Boogie Nights/The Family Man/Rush Hour 2/Ocean's Eleven/Hotel Rwanda/The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air/The Simpsons/MADtv/Drunk History, Connie Nielsen from Gladiator/One Hour Photo/Wonder Woman/Justice League/SVU(Ew, she was dani beck! Gross!), Jerry O'Connell from Stand by Me/Scream 2/Buying the Cow/The Death of Superman/My Secret Identity/Sliders/MADtv/Justice League Unlimited/The Batman/Drunk History/Justice League Action/The Big Bang Theory, Kim Delaney ffrom Body Parts/Svu, Peter Outerbridge froim land of the dead/Silent Hill: Revelation/This Is Wonderland/Puppets Who Kill/Flashpoint/Designated Survivor/Zoo/Pure, Kavan Smith from The Crow: Stairway to Heaven/the 00s The Twilight Zone, Jill Teed from X2/Party of Five/Sliders/Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction/Arctic Air/the 10s The Twilight Zone, Elise Neal froim Malcom X/Scream 2/Law & Order/California Dreams/The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Robert Bailey Jr. from Dragonfly/Touched by an Angel, Armin Mueller-Stahl from The West Wing/Angels & Demons, Bill Timoney from Blue Bloods/Law & Order: Criminal Intent/Malcolm in the Middle/Battle Arena Toshinden/Digimon/Queen's Blade/Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer/Urotsukidoji, and some guys not on wikiepcdia

I'm not sure if i saw this b4 but i get it mixed u-p with mission to mars

the only thjing i recall is the guiy saying F this planet, and blasting off

so it starts on a bbq with guy getting ready to go to the mars and the sopviets are coming too

1 couple is gooing to mars, which should take several years, and if thewy are b0ning, they might poop mout a baby there

don chidle is married to a chick and has a son and 1 guy is trying to seduce chicks, even though its bad luck to b0ne b4 a MISSION

DON CHERMDPE comforts his son who dont weant him to go as he wants dad to finish the booim they are reading and he sez they'd read it apart and it would be like reading it together

then one of thos egay electric cars cpomes by and i think gary sinise comes out with a bottle of booze and reunites wioth don

its the distant future year of 2020 around the time of the pioneer mission to the 3rd moon of fantoma fort the robotech exepeditionary force and don sez to gary that he wishes he didnt have to go as one guy got sick and had to stay behind

garty has a moment where he presses his foot in the dirt like its ther 1st footprit on mars and theres soft emotgional music

then its 13 months later on soviuet mars and a robot rc car thing is spinning around on the surgace

it finds a tomb and opens it and all these daemnons come out and posess the people and make them chop each other up

jk thats ghosts nof mars

so the crew from b4 is on mars are looking around and 1 finds what looks like ice there

at the world space station, wait, world? like a uinited earth gov? like robotech?!

so in there the mars control thing is hacving gravity somehow and gary is there and gets a messdage from don saying they miught use the discovery to have humans colonize mars

which is f=-=kin stoopid as if you live there tyoo long, you weaken and if you go to earth you'd poop out ur gusty and die from being used to low gravioty

so all 4 of the mars crew go out as if anything happens, no one can be left, and they scann it nd find theres metal in the rock

they sent the station a message sdaying happy birth day, which was copyrighted then, and by the time it reaches the space station, the crew is out at the place  on the mars

at the site, the power goes out, which might kill them as they need suits on to love, and all the sand and rocks start flowing to form a huge pillar of whirlwind

it turns into a hhuge d0ng and moves toward em and roars as they stand around liek theyre re-rded and it kills 1 guy with a rock to the face, then sucks 1 guy in and spins hiom around til he breaks apart like f==kin loopney toons!

don is berried alive and the storm rteveals a huge a55 alien face made of metal

what inn the name of F is going on?!

is ythis a horror movie?!

also; we're like 20 mins in, that felt like nothing

so back on the ship i mesan station this husband and wife in 0 g are fixing a thing and nearly b0ne and jerry o connel sends a message to em to get the team togetehr

gary tells the crew they found a huge energy burst on mars and don sent a f'd messager saying everyones dead

in robotech; in the distant future year of 2005, the mars base had an expeiment go wrong and iced the crew and in 2009, they nuked the base to save the sdf-1 full of civilians

so the station crew say they gotta get their a55 to mars to save don as he cant gget back on his own

so gary is the one who designed the mars rescue theam mission and knows thhey have a chance and is given consent to plan a rescue

tim robbins from the shawshank rwedemption who was b0need in the a55, sez they cant do it as is and dont got tyhe right crew

gary's woman bit it and the german commander sez gary isnt fit for duty as he didnt pas psych evaluations but tyim sez he can

on the trip, jerry o connel makes a dna helix of his iodeal woman(mistique from x men?) outta candy in -0 g and gary eats a few pieces (she's devolved)

on the trip is a cool shot of them walking aorund the circle room on the floor looping around and the camera following them and soem 0 g dancing

btw this has good colort and is widescreen

the creww uses a sattilite to check the area and sees 3 graves

so either doins alinve or no one was left to bverry him

it its been 6 months and theres some interference with the scanners or w/.e

we're like an hour in and it dont feel like it, this film dont drafg

so thhe ship goes on and the station analyzes the data but finds jack sh-t and jack in j-zzing on the floor

thhey get word thet tomorrow theyd be good and gary looks at fotage of his woman and their relationship

they were gonna be cocommanders of mars 01 amnd the msuic is really soft and hartfelt

in video woman sez the inucerse isnt chaos but connection and lie connectsd life

sounds like intelligent design

so gary thinks something planned ort caused it on mars, like how oh bba mma did n\n3 ||

they get near the mars and simulate the move to get in the area or w/e so they dont get lst drifting in spoace forever

then jerry ggets a bullet in his hand and there small meterors in the area that breached da hull and airs leaking out

jerry starts to swell up and his head blkows open from the rapid pressure change!

jk they helmet up and the computers are f'd and they need to reboot it

its never nbeen tested and 1 guy goos oot too fix da leak from outisde

gary isnt weeearing his helmet and has issues breathing and doing voice recognition and sends a dr pepper pack to show swhere the air leak is

the dr pepper is cgii and the 90s style

gady keels over and is given a mouth piece to breathe and the hull breach is fixed and its all ok somehow at 10% atmosp[here

then they make it to red mars, even though this is 2021 and in 2011 mega zarak blew mars apart to gather the energon to power up in transformers the headmasters

man we're 90 mins in with add and its going well

so at near orbit they use booster to get in but the oxygebnn sprung a leake and liquid oxygen floated behind them and lighting the boosters blew it and they get f'd out line

they try to get in, weait, they ditch that hunk of cr--p and go off daisy chained together

imagine if they were a human centipede?

they see the sattelite and its far away and tim robbins goos oof to get it after saying "i'll see you in a flash" which might as well be "i'll be right back" from scream 001

he goes too fast or far or w/e overshooting is znd gets the hook on the craft, but is gooing too fast and flips off

tyheyy see that they cant save him and dont got enough fuel to save him, but they can try to get the shiip to get him, but he might be in the atmosphere by thenm

also tim robins character is woody like in toy story 01-XX

they get ready to get in and woodys woman goes after him bbut is talked outta it toi go back

btw the acting seems kinda 50s

she tries the hook gun but it is just outta reach and shes gonna try again but husband tim sez no

he seez she wont leave him so he takes off his helmet and goes straight to h e souble soviet disneyyland

cool after look of his sfrozen head

my ida; woody; i'll see you in h-ll! ahahahahaha! (tyakes off helmet, head aspoldes)

so they get to mars and traise the American Flag as We're Number 1: Ore Tachi Wa Ichiban! Omae No zoku Wa Jigoku No Kuso!

the flag waves in the wind which as theres no wind on mars, means the whole thing is fake, or is that da moon?

gary goon in the station and thers oxygen in there but no light

jerry lee roth turens on the power and the computersd are f;'d and theres not much damage

in 1 room gary finds a jjungl;e inside and its the green house

gary takes off his helmet and donb is behind himand he dont notice

don seems to have devolved into a primitive cavbeman state and tries to kll gary wioth a hammer  but gary tells him his wifer AND SONS NAMES AND HOW HES READIGN TREADURE ISLAND

f opff caps lock, get b0ned byy an aids carrier

also shouldnt he be readiing robinson crusoe?

after regaining some brain power from being cvin freaver for months on this dread rock, he asks where woody is and they say he didnt make it

don cant take it and pulls out the hammer spike thing and busts his head open, then pulls out a brain chunk and feeds on it

jk thhats kinda antrophphagus

so hes survived bby using plants for oxygen and food and i guess pooping in the plants

he thinks he only lived as THEy wanted someone to tell the story and the rescue heroes think hes nuts

they go out and he reveals after digging himself out and getting back to back with a cracked faceplate, he came out later and dug 1 grave form the only chick he found, but made 3 to evenm it oout

the planet looks liek a violence jack/hokuto no ken h-llscape and he shows them theres a facer on mars made byu someone b4 them

don shows them a patter he found in the soound and they process the sounds into a model of dna

its close to human but missing chromosomes and how humans have close dna to apes, but that small % gievs us einstein, motzart and jack the ripper

al;though apes are violent and devolved, look at chimps eating people!

gary seez skittles and recalls jerrys dna thing and he realizes that its a test and you need to give it the missing chromosomes

if you give the wrtong answer, like ther radio waves on the scanner, it attacks

he desices to find which recording make the right chromosomes and don is now shaven somehow and if they get it wrong, it might ice em

3-43 guys bit it cuz of this but if they dont, it will be for nothing

which is gambling logic of "if i dont win ti back i love money for nothing, so imma keep chasing the dragon!"

theyy send the rc toy and it sends the signal and it works and the gary don and chick go in yo this crack in the alien thing

they go in this white light room and the exit seals like an a55 with glue and inside gary opens his suit and finds its pressurised and has earth aiur in it

thhey take off the helmets like normal people taking off masks afte the gov stops forcing them and they see a big a55 cgi show of the solar system and mars being hit by a meteor thatr wiped out its life

then this alien walks upp and looks like a gamecube game and crys and shows countless ships leaving the planet and sprerading across the galaxy eyes tachyon dragon

1 stayed behind and shows how it sent a pod to earth andf started the lie of evolution and shows fish to lizard to dinosaur to mammnoth to bison

also wasnt there biker mice on mars?

so the thing holds their hands and the groubnd lights up and it vanishes into the darkness

the gorund starts having rings flipping and they get wortd fom jerry lee lewis oconnel and saying they gotta get back as a storms a rising

they realize they are in a ship and gotta go and gary has nothing left on earth so he wants to go off with the space daemons likein close encounters of the 3rd kind by spcoet speilberg

so it seems i saw red planet where the guy sez "f diss planit" andf gives it the finger b4 blasting off

don and chick say bye and don thanks him for saving his live and gary sez woody is with them as they wouldnt have made it w/o him

she gives him a buck rogers medal or w/e woofy had and theyleave gary to go off to the cosmic horrors of the outrer reigons of the universe

so gary gets in a tubne likein galaxy qwuest and is turned into light and sent through this protoculture of liquid smoke goold

jerry is gonna leave but gets word and dont go yyet

the tube gary is in starts filling with clear water and he can breathe in it aS I HGUESS ITS WATER AIR

the mars face crumbles and this gold pod comes  up and he flashesback through the whole movie and he jets off through space to a distant galaxy to be provbed forever

the end

that was pretty good

nice 00s animation and art

good msuic

doesnt drag and has good flow

doesnt feel like 2 hours

interesting story and style

good acting and it feels a bit 500s style

its a well made film thhat for some reason the critics hated, but they are usually wrong

its got that end of the 90s style and heart

For Mission to Mars 2 I want it to be about gary in the alien galaxy and finds the meteor that hit mars long ago was sent by an enemy force and the mars guysy were at war with them for aeons, so theyy needed gary to use his free will that they dont have to help them win, also its revealed the evoltuion thing was made up and they are really daemons and they iced his wife so he'd come with them,, due to this hge jiins the enemy foece which is revealed to be angels and the masrs base was made as a fallen angel camp on there to fight The Garden of Eden on Earth and the mars guyys were the bad guys. Also its a 16 bit RPG like Sigma Star Saga on Snes, Genesis, RG16, GBA and Atari Jaguar where you play as gary and fight for the mars guys but half way through find they are the bad guys and switch to the good guys.