Saturday, April 13, 2019

The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio Review

note; I spell like whatever year this film is
The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio
this is my rebiew on The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio
its got woody harrelson, juliane more and laura dern
its based on a true story or something
i've never seen this b4 so this is a new experience
so after a buncha logos and credits of 50s stuff
huh its got Jordon todosey from degrassi next gen
so main chaick is a monther of 10 and housewife
she submits to contests ort something to get free cr-p
later they sets up a bank thing with her husband and get a house
she wins more cr-p and dad don't ant them to keep the freezer cuz the kids might get killed in it and it'll cost power
that's 2010s thinking
not 1950s
later main chick writes slogans to win stuff
also husband goes mental over a baseball game s-cking
he beats on the freezer and goes berserk
another victim of baseball
the cops come and shred him with gunfire
they cool his a55 and leave
huh, its also got Trevor Morgan from jurass9c park III and the 6th sense and the patriot and the glass house
then a priest comes by and comforts main chick
later her husband was in a car accident and it f'd his throat for singing
no wonder hes mental
its like a painter nearly going blinde
later husband suggesrts going hunting and a girl mentions hes often at the liquor store
this f's him up and he gives main chick his cash but its not enuff for steak
he goes to work and isn't making much
later the baby cr-ps its diaper and the kids get it on their hands trying to change it
as they clean up the milk man comes by and he aint got enuff to pay
until the mailman comes by and she wins 2$ in a contest and pays him
also throughout the film are little "mini skits for the audience" where main chick talks to the watchers and tells em how things are
in this one she says how mail in things work and the lesser are weeded out
she wins a shopping spree
dad isn't glad shes outdoing him
also she wants to buy flaming yawn and prime rib
spoiler; hamburger is superior
later she does her shopping spree and gets a full kart of cr-p
btw the colors in here are sorta bluish
like its got a cooled shade over it
later they're going through her winnings and husnand takes food out of the freeezar and throws it on the lawn
you'll get coons
she don't see that her husnand is unhappy and upset
she gives her kids caviar and none want it
hope its beluga caviar
she likes it
he eats out of a can alone and she gives him better food and invites him over for the table
over da next few years she wins more cr-p
later her husband is disgruntled over their cr-ppy home
on tv is a contest to come up with words to their jignle
husnand says bummer stuff while main chick says positive stuff
good contrasting of their attitudes
later ilkman wants cash for milk but she needs more time
if she don't pay next week shes cut of
husband gets mad at her for blowing money
he tugs her or something and she falls in slo mo and the milk busts on the floor
the glass cuts her hands a bit and husband is really freaked out over it
after ghetting back from the dr and getting fixed up shes ok
husbnanf says sorry and they reconcile
later they win a soprts car and a trip to soviet new York
later 1 son steals rom some woman and gets in trouble with da cops
husbande beats the blackoff his son for it
give him the Hebrew hammer!
so she don't go to new York and son joins the army rather than going to jail and getting b0ned
I wish we brought back the whip
instead of cramming people into overcrowded jails and them getting b0ned, just give em a few lashes and move on
I mean murder and other srs crimes would get jail time
but if its like shoplifting or traffic issues, just get the whip
i'd prefer it
not that I commit crimes
I don't even drink
later another winner of a contest contesants contact her and they bond
Shes invited to this gettogether and husband don't want her to go cuz of gas costs
also 1 kid uses somewones name to win a contest
she has that kid drive her  to the gettogether but youngest kid gets flowers from her neighbors yards and the neigfhbors are p-ssed
so the trips off
later her daughter learns to drive and they go to the getotghher
along da way the car overheats
its husbands car and she f'd it doing something he told her not to
imagine I borrowed ur sega genesis game and left it outside and it got f'd?
her daughter (played by the chick from degrassi I think) tries to make her hate her husband and says w/o him she'd have a better life
main chick sez that's sh-t and comforts her
so at da gettogether one of the chicks is in an iron lung
they chat about rhymings and grammer
its not grammar its grammer
f u spell check
at least it doesn't add extra u's in color
later they drive back and theres a dr pepper add they gotta finisgh
at home the husband locked the kids out
hes worried about her being gone for 10 hours and when he grabs her arm as she walks away, the teen daughter jumps on him and goes mental'
the kids pile on him and she defuses things by splashing him with jello
after the kids go, he sez he was crying and didn't want the kids to see him like dat
he cried cuz he thought she left him
see what happens when you do things like that?
he was probably really scared and hurt
everythings f'd for him
and his kids hate him
he otta beat that teen daughter til she pood out her guts
later it turns out the husband took out a 2nd mortgage and its due
the house is gonna get f'd
they might have to sell the kids
milkman helps out by offering them laundry jobs
but she turns him down
then dr pepper sez shes a finalistin a dr pepper thing
she buys dr pepper with husbands last doller
doller is spelled wrong?
its not dollar its doller
its not a phone collar its phone caller
so the dr peper guy comes by and interviews her over cr-p
after he goes dad is cheerful but his candy a55 kids drag him down
little c-cksuckers
he otta give em a throuorgh (thur row) beating
main chick is bummed
so she wins the dr pepper contest and driving daughter goes mental thinking they f'd out
driver girl is b--chy over her dad probably not changing and main chick sez hopeful cr-p
then the fam spends time together as husband plays guitar and sings
main chick sells the trip and pays the mortgage
she akes a vacation later and her kids do well
after her husnind bites it its revealed he cashed his pention checks in a secret account so main chick didn't have to worry about cadash
after she bites it the driver teen gets the typrighter and has a moment remembering her mom saying some good advise
its heartwarming
then we get photos of the kids and what they did
driver girl wrote the book this filme was based on
the end
that was actually nice
good mostly clean story of 50s life and sticking with it
it doesn't make the angry dad the bad guy
it shows multiple sides to the issue
its got heart
the 50s were pretty cool
I liked this one
its got hope
for The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio 2 I want it to be the 90s and the grandkid of the main chick from the 1st movie wants to enter a contest to come up with a new slogan for a 90s brand thing. but he struggles. so he starts using black magic to reawaken his grandma's genes to give him the ability to write like her. but it screws up and turns him into some kind of hermaphrodite and opens the gates of h-ll and unleashes daemons. so he's gota use his hermaphrodite powers to beat em al up and send em back. also its a 16 bit action game like crusader of centy on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar and turbografix16 where you go around solving problems caused by the daemons and free the areas from their rule.

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