The Hands Of Orlac Review

 Note: I spell Hands On

The Hands Of Orlac

This is my review on The Hands Of Orlac from the distant future year to of 1924 (90 years before The Malcontent Uprisings in Robotech)

I saw this before and I liked it

Its a GermanExpressionist film directed by Robert Wiene who did The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

when it came out the gov wanted it censored as they thought it gave away crime fighting things but that fell through as it didnt

it stars Conrad Veidt from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari/Waxworks/The Man Who Laughs/Casablanca/The Thief of Bag dad, Fritz Kortner from Pandora's Box, and a bunchea guys i only saw inm this

so after title and credits that only show the actors family names, or clan names if ninja, this chick reads a love letter friom her butt buddy

turns out her butt buddy is paul orlac whos a big time piabnist giving is final concert

his train comes in at the night abd theres abn ACVCIDENT THAT NEARLY killed todd browning

his woman comes over in a horseless carriage and theres chaos in the train wreck area

cool effect of steam abnd light iub the darkness, like anb energy field as the train comes in

they gert orlac out and the other grease monkeys who got greased and use a strewtcher on a roofless car to drive him to the dr

erlsewhewre, a criminal is getting executed anbd hiss parts will be shipped t the clinic

cool shot of a ar going by as the bright sky and dark earth and trees

do da dr finds orlac was f'd in the train wreck and his woman is a;; f'df out

after da dr treatrs him, he sez he fixed the skull crack but his hands are f'd and she sez to save em as his hands are his life

he sees the convict bein borught in and sez he'd try and laterr orlac is in bed and bandaged up and recovering

dr unwraps his head after sending ehr our for somer reason and they bring her in and wait i thuink they were changing his bandages and she comes in alone to him andf press cheeks together

not butt cheesks as they are germans but face cheeks

she notices his hands are bandaged up and orlac sees thsi guy looking in the door windoiw at his hands and laughing but when she looks hes gone

i love this b/w footage, it looks classy and stylish

now this is pod rac ing i mean a silent film

so later jerry orlach is at home and his hands are still bandaged and he wonders whats goijng on

da dr tajkes off his bandages and he looks at his hands and i realised he hasn't j-=rked off since b4 the accident

unless he uses his writsts on his b0ner or w/e

or could suck his own thing

Thoughts you DON'T want in the shower: Man, my thing smells weird, I wonder what it tastes like?

orlac wonders if he can play hios organ again and by that i mean being a hard driving pianist and dr sez da spiritr rules the hand and natuire and a strong will can overcome anything

like seiya training to use his cosmo to get the cloth

so orlac looks at his fingers finging and his woman later is glad the orlac is coming tomorrorw and she can feel his hands

AT night he has a dream of this smoke cloud and the guyb starting at his hands and of the hand coming to punch him

its done with an overlay and him in the corner in bed and the face and hand on the right and is really good

he wakes up and finda a note saying his hands were f'd and his now hands are of the mmurderer and robbewr and he freaks out and falls over

you'd think he's know what huis hands looked like

then again, if they got f;d in an accident then he might think "they look dfifferent from healing"

so the orlac goes to dr and seems kinda spazzed out like a zombie or cesaere from the cabinit of dr caligari and  asks if he has the killers hands

after not showing the drs ansawer but insterad showing ther chicks making f,owers, he goes off and is like edward scissorhands, is this wherr tim burton got it?!

so later he got dressed and sez to not let the killer hands touch anothert pwerson

i mean jjst cuz they were misused in the past dont measn they are lways good, look at rthe swstika, most fo the world loves it as the holy symbiol it is, only america and europe hate it for the misuse in the 30s

although there are a lot of poieple who like it for that misuse

orlac puts on his ring but takes it off as he dont want it on the bad bands i mean hands

so eventually orlac coems hoem and is kinda spazzy and his woman hands him come flowers but he dotn take em

theres a dark dressed man in a hat and cape lurking around outside, but its dayliught soi its not scary

man, conrad is good at playing a f';d out spazzyy dude

so orlac goes to his piano and hugs it and starts to play eventually andf cant

his woman sez she loves him and he cant bring himself to use the bad hands on her but when she grabs them he gets f'd out

so she hugs his head and smooches him

then it fades out and i think she b0ned him or maybe he b0nesd her mouth

later this dark dressed man asks a newspaper chick with all these newspapers aroudn the shop for the jan 15th paper and buys it

he goes to a bar orm something and reads da paper and it sez the kiler pled not guyilty but his fuingerprints were proof

oh its conrad readiung it and he gets bummed his fingers were used wroing

imagine if a guys hands are sawed off and he gets new hands from anothe rman, but when he's j=rkin off its like another guy is j=rkin him off?

is that gay?

i'm not an expert in that field so i dont know

so the paper sez the knife used on the victim had an x on it and had the killers prints on it so he and only he used it

then the scene goes blurry and orlac is spazzed out b4 it retutrrns to normal and he lleaves to go home

at the hom,e he sees the x knife and like a f==kin dumba55, grabs it witrh his hands and goers in

what if that knife was used in a murder? you got ur prints on it

i eman another murder

so his hands have autism fior a bit and i think theseres a maid or slave there and knows hes home and orlac hides the knife in the pianbo

he sez it feels like the hands are sending somethign from them up his arms and into his soul

his woman sez she wont follow hsi wishes and even if he kills her she wont go and do his cr-p

then we see orlax all spazzed out with his hands out like the mummy or frankenstiens monster but this came 1st and getting the knife on the piano, not in, and zomibied liek coming back to anothe rroom anbd making stabbing moves

his woman comes in and sees him and is kinda freaked out as he badly hides the knife behind him even though she alrwady saw him

hes goin mental and tells her to not come near and she goes off then he enarly shanks his left hand, a double yugioh rteference of btoh the other yugi's game with ushio and mariks lkeft arm offering card

so later he blacks ou and trhe maid i think is out at night and meets trhe dark suidf man and ses she dont wanna obey him anym ore and tells hiom to go

oh its the guy lloking at his hands and laughing and he sez hes going to the orlacs dad i think iof maid cant convince him and tells him to seduce his hands

i think it was maid who saw him with the knife, noty the woman wife gf butt buddy

so maid comes back and tries to kiss orlacs hands and he puts his hands on her headand she sez they hut like the hands of a killer

this freaks out orlac and he runs off to da dr and sez he wants his hands removed as he dont want em

but the woman is having issues with the creditors who she egts to guive em another month

good use of her in front anfd the 4 guys behind her looking like clones and in the same pose

orlac thinks the hands wanna ice people and wifde asks for a week instead of a month

dr sez da hands dont rule but the head and heard and the heart connects the head and hands

is that wherte metropolis got it from?!

so widfe asks for more time and gets t=it to tomorrow and then at home she sez to maid shes going to her orlacs dad and maid sez hes evil and hates orlac

so she goes to soviet paris and thge butler dont let her in until she tells her story and she comes in

orlac sr sez he knoews of the accident and she sez they need money as he cant work and they didnt have disability yet

orlac jr dont know and sr sez he hates his sona dn wont help and she goes home

at home orlac jr or garkic jr sometimes, is that where they got it from? plays his records of his painism and spazzes oput and busts itr

maid tells wife to get orlac jr to see sr so they can pay bills and 

orlac reads his past love notes of lholding his woman in his hands, is this wihere todd brotning got it for the unknown?

did i say todd browning in the above area in the car i mean train accidsnet?

looks it up, yeah i did, thought i got the wrong name for a sec

so orlac thinks how that was his handwriting and writes it again on the past love not and its all cr-ppy as hes got nerve cut and reconected

hes spazxzed out and wife tells him to see father and that she tried but sr is evil and shes scared of him

so then orlac is there in paris at orlac sr ands the door is unlocked

he goes in and fiunds sr iced with the x blade in him and he dumba55edly runs out

wait hes going to da cops and tells em, hgis 1st smart move

1 guy in the cop house calls trhe laughting man in black and the cops come to see the body and recognize it as the kilers knife

cop who called i think looks at the table with the magnifying glass and sez its got the killers prints on it

as i guess hes super autirtic and recognizes any fingerprints from a glance

butler comes back with a note saying his sister is sick and the coop sez its the killers handwriting

orlac is freaking out and da cops say the killer was dead for years but his hads are alive

or,ac goes out and laughting man in black comes by and meets him and its good light and shadow effects, a general darkness there

they look at each other and he walks off and orlac follows him to a bar

laughering guy sez to bring a million franks  and orlac sez he as in his dreams

laughing man sezx they are for his hands and he shows him metal hands, totally not like dr rotwang in metropolis or bruce campbell in army of darkness or luke skunlicker in that 70s sci fi film flesh gordon

he sez hes the killer and the dr did the same science with orlacs hands as the lauighing mans head ands shows his nmeck

and if he dont get the million franks, then hes gonna tell the cops that orlac did it as he has the killers prints

andf the writing was in the the killers handwriting which is now orlacs and the maid saw him with the knife

and orlac doesnt ask how the laughting man knows this and laughing man goes off

so orlac goes hjome and checks the pianbo for the knife and its gone and he faints and wife helps him

he tells her his cr-p and the hands make him do crime andshe kisses tme  and thew maid sees from hiding

i thought the killer was in a crazy bug eyes mask or something and had a box on his nneck

wife sez top tell the cops everything and he thinks they wont buy it and she sez tbney will buy it as she does

yeah but he didnt b0en em, or did he? this IS europe!@

so thehn we see this station and the laughing man and mousctahce call cop are trhere and wait i dont think tis him

he tells da cops his story and the coips write a warrent for his arrest and call cop witrh muistace sez to brign da money and the cips wtill take care fo the rest

back when crime movies had cops as the good guys

nowadays they';;d be who hes fighting

so the paul the orlac goes to the bar to meet the laughing man and the coips come outta the shadows and nail him

hes fingered as paul mera i mean mr nera whos a high rank crook and faking being the drs assistant

a cop takes off his metasl gloves and fake neck scar and nera the laughting man sez the kuillers fingerprints were there and orlac has the hands

they gon arrest iorlac but maid comes in adn sez nera is da kkiller and nera maDEWAX CASTS IOF THE KIULLERS PRINTZ THEN MADE THEM ON RUBBER GLOVES

f opff caps lock, to go soviet calidnifra and get b0end by aids spradwers

oh and she sez how nera framed the guy the hands were from with the gloves and he was innocent

the orlac is glad his hands are virgin and wife is there and blacks out and he brings her out like in claigari a bit

he holds her in his hands and they hug

the end

thgat was pretty good

itys a bit long as theres a lot of shots of characters walking and spazzing out and moving slow, but i fast forwaredd to speedo it up

its got nice camera work and filming and a clever story of mystery and the supernatural

most of the time in these 20s moviues the supernautral is explained away by logic, but in remakes its real

thsi was remade a few times and those have more supernautral themes in some and there was the movuier body oparts with that steven king looking c-ck sucker in the 90s

conrad is pretty good in this and plays the part well and thres some good twists this has

i liked it and it tells the story well with good clean h,orror withoutt gorte or blod or naked chicks or b0ning or much swearing

oh and its one fo the 1st movies about transplants or limbs

wtf this was based on a french book and thayt was based on a  real french surgeon who experimented in grafting ad transplant science

and its director i mean writer Maurice Renard did work on books of organ transplant, sky people fishing for men, cloning, artificial life, insibility issues with eyes notrr working, shrinking, and time compressing glass

For The Hands Of Orlac 2 I want it to be him preparing fopr a piano contest aND he has to get back in shape and return his skill and its him doing various exercises and montages of him working out his hands to remaster them to usxe the piano. also theres a tiral of the nier or w/e the real killwers name is and he is saying the whole story is too insane to be believd and might get off. he does but when he goes to ice orlac for revente, he sues his newly mastered hands to beast him up and pull off his hands and the cops arrewst him. allso its an 8 bit game on sgea master systm, game gear, nes, game boy, tg16m, atari lynx and 7800 where you play as orlac and do mini games to raise your stars for the final battle, also the real hand owners will is what gives him the skill to pull off the guys hands and its like with raoh's ki saving kenshiro in hokuto no ken 2