Wednesday, May 5, 2021

We're No Angels Review

 Note; i spell unholy

we're no angels

this is my review on we're no angels from 1955

its also got a 89 ver with commies deniro and sean penn

its directed my michasel curtiz who's done good stuff and stars humphrey bogart, aldio ray, basil rathbone, joan bennet, and a few 1800s guys i never heard of

i never saw this but my mom likes bogart

oh and peter ustinov from quo vadis is in this

its based opn a play i never saw

so after credits its devils island on xmas in 1895 and its a prison island like australia as some frenchie sings his devolverd language

then its day and 1 guy is sewlling butterflies and a boat came by and 3 cons escaped

the 3 cons played by bogard and aldo and peter are on a sack of cr-p and overhear the guard they beat us survived

1 has a snake and 1 tries to grab a chicks a55

thats the same as jamming his footling in her mouth by todays standards

then it rains and the hunter killer dogs looking around lose the scent

the convicts wanna return to soviet paris and meet a ship officer who sez theres an outbreak of plague and they admit to im they convicts

also they picked his pockerts and stop by a store and jack a buncha sh-t b4 the ownerr arrives

they tell the owner they need weork and will do it for free (thats slavery) and start working on his leaky butt roof

on da roof thery see the ship and bogard wants to forge papers and they watch owner and his woman talking aboutn the sh-0t they got asnd how his cousin or w/e bought his business when owner went bankruimp

the conms watch her undress and talk about thinking of her tonight (which means j-rkin off)

so she notices em looking in onher in her 1800s undies and a lady comes in for nuying xm,as cr-p

she goes on about the diffenert kind of crooks to hire and says murderers are best and not secks fiends

i assume the seks fiends are gonna be j-rkin off all over the work area

hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg pssssssssssssssssssssssstttttttttt!!

also owner has a daughter who is 18 and i assume the convicts are gonna b0ne her

alsdo shes in love with a guy she aint seen in a year (like with chichi not seeing goku all those times?)

oh and the lover is the son of the owners cousin

inbreeding?! what is this?! england?! I mean; soviet england!!??

wife to hert husband; i have 2 kids, isabella and you!(kisses him)

mne: This jst went svu! seducing her son!

then duaghter comes in and dad sez shes pretty cuz she looks like him

thats all kinds of f'd!!

my own clone! now neighter of us will be virgins!!

daughter wants to go to paris like its nadia the secret of blue weater onsega genesis or something

daughter sez she decided to not write to cousins son for a year tyo see if they feel the same

then owner gets a letter saying his cousin and cousins son are comming and are in the boat on shore

she reads the letter andf blascks out and teh conbvicts come down 

this is is how p0renm0es start

they read thast son is gonna get married to another chick

mom comes in and they explain and she wakes up buit reblacks out seeing aldo

aldo carrys her to her bedroom and bogart explains aldo was arersted for b0ning and peter was arrested for wasting is woman

bogart sells a comb set to a bald guy (he's gonna comb his butthair)

thery try to get change and peter opens ther cash box

then they reveal their snake adolphe, who bit a mean guard, is missing

daighuter comes out with the snake box and fiunding out its a snake, balcks out again

bogard loox at the books and the other 2 loot the store and when owner comes back he thinks them moving a mannqequin is them icing his woman

later bohart sells a guy a coat he knows is too small by making it look like its a bigger one

owner invites em to have xmas dinner and the 2 non bogharts set the table like a circus guy

so daughter wants to run away but aldo sez to wait to hear cousins sons side of the story

dshe sez she thinks men aint attracted to her (which a sling bikini would fix) and also sez he could go to jail for feeling fore ghirls(pro pedo message??)

its revealed he asked his uncle for money by beating in his head with a poker and bohgart cooks a turkey

gobart sez he has no ragrets and would do it again if he didnt get caught

so they put up christman stuff and daughter wears a dress

so they play xmas songs and the cons feel regret about planning on murdering the family, but gobart still wants to do it

so cousin and son come by and cosuin is kinda b--chy and sex he's marrying off son to a ship builder guy to get a discount

booghart sez the stores been getting in a huge number of money and gives evidence

owener calls em out on it after cosuin left and they crack the safe and cook the books

cousin comes out to look at em and brings em into his room

owner feels releived as he'd have regretted faking it

so then the cons go into sons bedrrom and try to get daughter and him to meet

wife comes down and worried about her daughter and bohart sez to give daugheter a chance with son to see if they work

so daughter is with son and cosuin coomes in telling her she wont get his money and sez owner is gonna be on devils island as a convict

cosuin b--ches at the convicts saying he's gonna get em sent to solitary (which is iunhumane by todays candya66 standards)

so the cons haver a mock trial with each other and decide to execute the cosuin

wtf this was 13+ in sovieyt argentina and 15+ is communist swedenb

buncha candya55es

so they're gonna use trhe snake to ise the cosuin but bogatr cant bring himself to fdo it as the fam would feel bad

then coauin comes in saying he kknows they were jacking thje store and thinks their snake box is stolenn property and takes it

they caslmly talk about warning cousin but decuides to play cards to decide

they draw cards and bogart wins and is gonna tell cosuin of the poison snake

but he takes his sweet a55 time and its too late when he gets there

at night bogart fakes a will and decide to leave after someone finds the body and will

the lady from b4 comes by but bogaert cant get her to com,e to the room

the other cons cant find the snake andthey look but daughter comes by

they wabnt her to find ccaounsen but shes still p-ssed at him and goes to church

they check da garden and owner comes by and dont wanna see cousin either

they chat with wife who sez she thought of ways to ice cousin but wouldnt go beyonmd thinking

son comes by and thery get him to check cousin and he finds him dead

turns out, son is glad cousion went back to h e doubble french canada and later burns the fake will

the cons ask about the will and se sez he didnt find 1 and will inherit everything

also he wont marry daughter and is gonna can owner if inventory isnt up

the guys want the snake to ice him too but figger its gone

then son comes in saying the snake biut him as he went thgreough his dads pocket

the guys lauigh and bring him out back to bite it

then daughter comes in saying she prayed for them andf cousin and knows son dont love him

shes ok with it and goes off and the guys tried to say son loved her

then navy guy comes in saying hes the dr to investigate the caousn biting it

they want him to marry daughter and she meet hi and hes gay for her

daughter finds son offscreen and screams and faints and navy guy brings her up

later the cons are in new threads and say bye to the owner and wife and go to the boat sayioong "we're bno angels"

but realize they like prison and choose to go back and halos appear on their heads, and the snake

the end

that was pretty good

nicew clean fun and lightly dark

its witty and has a bit of a 3 stooges feel

i enjoyed it and hard to believe in under 2 years after this, bbogart woulkd bite it

this is a nice bright good time based on a play and has a positive atmosphere

its well made and is just plane enhjoyable

alsdo its got good twists and goes playes ypou wont expent

for we'rer no angels 2 i want it to be a prison movie where they form a gang and gain members through beatdowns and deals. also its a 128 bit pst, dreamcast, gamecube and xbox game like bully but you play as them and go around prison and try to work your way up top take out the big gangs.

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