Friday, May 22, 2020

Event Horizon Review

Note: I spell unsettling
Event Horizon
This is my review onEvent Horizon from the distant future year of 1997
i never saw it b4 but saw a Cenemassacre Rental Review and it sounds f;d
They described it as h-llraiser in space
and that some martieral filmed with amputees in weird SM things was so disturbing it was removed after a test screening and the footage lated fell apart or something so its gone
its directed by Paul W. S. Anderson who did Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil and Alien Vs Predator and stars larry ffishburn from pee wees  playhouse and the matrix, sam neil from jurassic park 1 and 3, and jaso issacs from the 3d castlevania games and increasingly dark harry potter movies
aw gay!
Its widescreen!!
Fide da cure!!
Every night I burn! Every night I call your name!!
so after credits we get a timeline
2015; moon colonys, 2030 mars base, 2040, naputne ship goes missing
now its 2047 and after the 3rd robotech war andthis ship goes to soviet neptune
huh, pwople say this film s-cked
i liked a lot of cr-p so lets see how i feel on tthis
so theres this stattion in urth otbit and another shp heading for neptune to save the missing ship
and a crew ofguys are whining aboyt having to go out to the a55 end of the solar system
this is starting to feel like the 1970s alien
hope theres no crotchalicious monsters
1 guy gets shots to survive 30G's of pressure in the ship as thats totally possible and then we see sam neil in a water pod with a maske and the crew in their own ones
hes awake and 1 guy gets oot, oh its sam, and he hears voices and doors open
he ses a chick, then she is behind him w/o eyes and sez shes waiting and he wakes up and gets out his pod
huh, they got 2 black guys in here.
usually theres just 1 to sacrifice himself to save the virgins
i e jason x
so cowboy curtis introduces everyone at a meeting and is p-ssed he was taken off leave for this mission
sam sez they were sent here for a message from the ship event horizon
its said to be busted but he reveals it was a secret project to make faster than light travel with some kinda robotech space fold
and sam built it
he sez the ship just vanished when it tried its thing and7 years later its back
the message is weird h-llish screaming and editing it reveals its latin  that 1 guy knows andsez means save me
so they get to soviet neptune and find event horizons signal
after a storm on the planet and unanswered calls to the ship, they get there
this is seeming a lot like that steaming pile of cr-p 2001 a space oddyssey
so they go on in space suits with magnet boots andlook around with cheap 90s cg cr-p floating around
1 guy finds a guy chopped up with no eyes and they find this spinning thing like a gyroscope that powers the ship
the feed cuts out and the core guygets sucked into the core which is black goop and it blows
their ship is damaged and they gotta go on da event orizon and to make it easier to film, they turn on gravity
the guy who got sucked in is pooped out and they got no communication to urth andhave limited air
they need to fix their ship andsucked guy is in a coma
other black guy said the core turned liquid and back and sam sez its not possible
imma just say they gotta use  the space fold to get home at the end
sam sez gravty waves might distort spacetime and make illusions
they got 17 hours left as they were just j-rkin off for a while andsam sez the core is an artificial black hole in a magnetic field and it cant activate on its own
Dr Jack Van Impe said Black Holes are sorta like h e double england so i think i see where this is hedded
morpheos sez to seal the room
1 chick sees her kid in a tent with rotting legs but its not real
the crew sees ffootage of the 1st crew about to test the fold system and the footage spazzes out
the coore reactivates and sucked guy is seizuring and sez the dark is comming
darkness neosphere in attack mode!
so allen grant from jurassic park iii goes in thiscyber tunnel and f;s wiith things and the power flickers amd eyeless chick is next to him for a sec
this is seeming a bit like that movie sphere
in the core room the ooze forms a guy and burns or w/e
the crew goes over their encounters and 1 guy ickers annd pulls a knife on a  guy
idea; larry fishbern as vince grant in tthe live action robotech
1 chick sez the visions area defese reaction to people ad the ship might be alive
lke farscape?
so they got 010 hours left and 1 chick hears banging and sparks fly and she runs and something trys to bang down thedoor
sucked guy goes to the airlock w/o a suit and tries to get asploded in space
he fears the dark in him froom  being in the hole and dint wanna live after seeing what he saw
thenhe has an autism attack and turns normasl and tthe door opens and he pules blood but larry pushes his a55 back in and they save him
they talk and sam sez the dark inside him ine isnt real and larry busts his a55 over his not telling them anything
so larry has viet namek flashbacks aout somethin going f'd and his team mate beiing left behind in space fire
the ship knew about it and latin guy sez he found more l\tin that sez it really said "save yourself from h-ll"
as this ship was beyond the universe its been to and from there
they check the footage and its the 1st crew being b0ned and chopped up and sh-t and in horrid torment
larry wants to blow the ship and the ship core starst sucking power from it
sam dont want larry to blow it and when larry sez he's gonna cooperate or walk him, sam sez, i am home! and sinks into the shadows
1 chick is gonna leave the core but sees her son and goes back and falls off a thing and hbites it
she aint gonna be in event forizion 2: event harder
sam finds her and then goes to a room with a mirror and sees eyeless chick who;s haunting him but with eyes and its just a vision
he sees her slice her whists in da tub and bite it and then she has no eyes and sez shes gonna show him things and pops his eyes
in real life he's holding his face and falls
then sucked guy blows the ship they were gonna go back on and himself back to h e doubel california
other black guy is floating in space after that but gets his thrusters back in and regains control
sam come back, eye;ess and super strong as your other senses are heightened w/o  one and wastes a guy
larry and blonde find sam w/o eyes and he sez; where we're going, we wont need eyes to see
and the ship is now alive and tor a hole in the universe
and hes sending it back
blonde teys to ice sam but he takes her out with 1 arm
other black buy hits the ship and it blows and air gushes ou and sa gets his a55 sucked out
larry elder catches a cable and gets to the seal dopr and blocks it to save blonde chick
huh, the black guy acrificed himself to save the virgins
wait, hes ok and they got 7 mins to sop the gravity matrix by blowing the ship and using it as a lifeboat
larry goes to set the charges and this big thing of red ooze busts out and soaks blonde
totally not like the shining
burned guy comes back, sez; u let me burn! and blasts fire at fally lishbuirn who outruns it
he then throws larry and larry sez its not his guy he left and it turns into sam all scarred up who sez its time to go back
he shows a fash flashing thing of people f'd up and suffering and larry sez teir aint dead
after larry tries beating sam with a rob, sam beats him down and larrys offers to go in the others place
after more visions of a blue h-ll, larry blows the ship in 2 to save the virgins and  the big part war[ps back to h e  double ireland
the blonde and black guy are alive and safe in the piece and 72 days later these guys go onand sez theres 3 survivors, including the guy who got sucked (i though he bit it)
after getting em outta their pods, the gguy takes off his mask and its sam
but its just a dream and the real rescue crew sez they are safe
the end
then credits to 90s music
that was pretty good
weird, dark, not as f;d as i thought but they cut all the amputee p0rn0
good acting and music and themes
good twists
good designa dn feel
its a well done horror film
its got that 90s feel sorta like Virus with Mila Jolovich and starship troopers
its got decent gore and doesn't drag
it has good flow and doesnt feel like its that long
i liked it and understan why its a cult movie like the room or the thing
btw, if daemons and h-ll are real in here, why didnt anyone pray?
For event Horizon 2 i want it to be the 2060s and the ship returns near the moon. its also got multiple ships constructed and palnds to infect the earth and turn it into a h-llhole. but the gov has been ready having been warned by the survivors of the 1st movir and have holy weapons and blessed bullets to fight the daemons. also its a 16 bit shmup on sega genesis, snes, atar jaguar, gba and tg16 where you play as one or nore ships in vertivcal and horizantal levels fighting weird la blue girl/h r giger abombinations.

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