Monday, May 11, 2020

Mommie Dearest Review

Note I spell so bad its good
Mommie Dearest
this is my revuew on mommie dearest from 1981
its based on a book by Chrustina Carwford qho was born on my b daty and was adopted by crazy joan crawford
People denied this happened but you never know
its got faye dunaway from Bonny and Clide (I almost said benny and joon) and no one else I know
its directed by frank perry and i never saw this but heard its crazy
it got razzies and became a weird cult flm
so it starts with it being like 4 am and someone gets up and scrubs her hands and face mentaklly
the music is pretty good and she goes to a limo and reads a script on da way
at mgm studios she gets made up and goes to do a  film scene
later shes cleaning and looks over her perfected house and whines about a mistake that was made
in real life she had severe ocd and once had the pipes torn out of the house after learning a plumber cr-pped in her toilet
to be fair; people while when theres stains in the toilet
which is also insane as ur not meant to eat outta it!!
what next? whining about dust on the doormat?
so after taking a shower with a guy she visits some kids and later she sez she wants a kid
she had 7 kids who bit it b4 bbirth with her last hiusband abnd her bf who's a laywer sez no agency would let her have a kid
also it would be bad for her career
she tries to adopt but the agency sez she's not fit andd she gets kinda  b--chy a bit and leaves
to  be fair; she had some teeth ro,oved to make her cheekbones stand out
she might ritual sacrifice the kid to get better parts too
so sonehow they get her a baby and leter theres a carmival or fair or w/e for a birthday dor the kid
joan has her call her mommie dearewst and she adopts a boyu
kid has a grass stain and gets cvhanged and they take studio photos
later kid getsa doll aND LOVes it and joan lets her keep that 1 butthe rest go to poor kids
bf comes by and gives her a present and joan lets her keep it too
later joan makes her dive in the pool over and over to get it right and joan dont want her kid to ber spoiled so she keeps her stressed
joan b--ches to bf about not getting a role ahe wants and gets him to try to get it for her
joan then swims with daughter and wins desopite getting a head start and after losing again, daughteff dont wanna play anmore
joan b--ches out, beats on her, and locks gewr in a poolhouse
in degrassi next gen; that;'s where zoe got b0ned
later joan is eunning against a car to atay in shape and afyer comming back all sweaty and gets a call saying mayer of m g m (he's the m) saying joan gets da part she wanted
she sees daughter pretending to be her and b--ches out at her cuts out the setting llotion from her blone haiir to ruin her for school
then they both cry as oan was nuts
later she meets some bankers and a studio guy (ogh its mayer) for dinner
later she b--ches about being usedas a hot chick to makke the studio look good and bf tells her she shouldve just played ball
she b--ches about her career and bf sez she gottta adapt
she sez she knows iof all the dirty coveriups and how bf was in on em (as its soviet california wherepeople get b0ned dead)(weinstein noo!)(No woody allen! I dont consent!) and bf shakes her a bit and tewlls at her
she tells him if he goes, dont come back, and he gets outta that madhouse as she sez "dont leave me!"
crazy b-ch
soo later shes cutting bfs face outta da picturesand her kids come infor a few secs aand leave as daughter sez"if she dont like u, she can make u dissappear"
so they did j fk and daiana?
later da kids are playing in da garden and joan b--ches out about then playing loud and yells at the help
later daughter sez sorry annd joaan sends her to the room and catches daughter talking like joan to a doll or her brother(i cant tell which)
later daughter acts for joan
si joan meets lewy b mayor and he wants her out asshes box office poison
she blames the scripts and directors but mayer sez they woorkked with others
he sez they already packed her cr-op and are loading her cr-pmobile car
at night she goes mental and destroys her rose garden and gets daughter to bring da ax and cjops down a ttree
later joann works with the help to prqctive a scene from minerva driver or mildred pierce or w.e
later the hekp comforts daughter
later joan tryss to make daughter eat raw meat saying its rare as cooking meet ruins its vitamins and woont let her get up til its done
later its night ands shes still sitting there and joanmakes her put da meet in da fridge
the next day, joaan wants her to eat the cold meat and makes her put iit in tthe trash
laateer its da oscars and joan wins but shes at hime woth a cold
she greets fans outside and later she goes through daughters closet and finds a fdress on a wire hanger
she freaks out and emptys the closet to see if theres more and finds 1
then she whips daughters a55 with a wire hanger and tells her to clean up the mess
then asks her if she scrubbed da bathroom floor and makes her call her mommie dearest for the 3rd time this filmn
then they scrub the floor as its not good enuff for her
like people who vaccuum every week ever if theres not dirt or no one went on it
after spilling chemicals everywhere, she tells daughter to clean up the mess
son ofers to help but daughter sez no as she dont want him punished too
later its christmas and they do a radio thing of act like its a good fam
later daughter gets this nrw bf a scotch and joan is doing some weird cat like leg thing and later daughter sees em nearlu b0nning
so joan sends her to this school to live and then i think its years later and shes an adult and in an acting class
later she has dinner with joann amnd joan orders  steak rare which s-cked as steak is a55
burgers are good but steak you gotta chew like 30x each bite and its never done
joan b--ches at her for standing up for herself andhas her come over tohelp after joan let the help go
at home joan sez shes low on cadash and needs aughter to do a work scholorship program
her contract with warnes f'd out (warner f'd her tract) and she crys
later daughter seez joann blacked out and the new help sez shes drink and bought a lot of cr-p the other day
latter at school, daughter is making out with a guy and joan b--ches at the headmaster and takes daughter home
later this geezer chick is in the house and joan told her daughter got kicked out
daughter sez its a lie and when she stands up to joan, joan slaps her and b---ches out
daughter asks why joanie adopted her and joan b--ches out more aboyt not getting respect
daughter sez shes  not one of joans fans and joan trys to  kill her by strangling
good f--k man!!
the new hekp pulls joann off and laater joan sends daughter to aa nunnery with no phone oor leaving and told them lies about dauughter
so its jail?
is this a prison movie??
later joanie marries chachi or w/e annd hes a pepsi ceo
cole tastes better but i dont mind pepsii
later daughter returns annd meets pepsi man and later they are rennovatiing
dauughter needs csoome cash and joan wont give her any
pepsiman sez they gota cut backk on spending but joan wants to live high and dont get that pepsi is a public company and they cant pay everything
later i tthink pepsiman bit it and the board wantsjoans shares bit she wont budge and wants to stay on the broad of directors
she sez she's bash them and f their company and they let her stay
later joann changed her hair amd chats with dauughter who is trying out for a soup opera and joan gives her a necklace
they hug and latr joab watches her daughter in the show
later, daughter is eating and has pain and calls joanie
after they get her tumor fizedand while shrs recoering, joan takesd her daughters part on da show
so later joan is biting it and her daughter accepts an award for her
after joan bites it, daughter reuniteswith the help and they are glad to meet
help sez joan loved her and later daughter finds out joan cut her out of her will
a guy i dont knowsez joan always has da last word and daughtr sez; does she?
the end to good music credits
that wasnt so bad
i liked it
yeah its kinda over the top nut you gotta go that when showing the mentally disturbed
i liked it and its unintentionally fuunny at times, but harsh how she put up with stuff like dat
i wasnt there and some of joans kids denied this story, but ither said its true
its a strong film and i enjoyed watching it and it goes by at a good pace, doesnt drag and doesnt feel like over 2 hours
for mommie dearest 2 i want it to be about the daughter writing the book and dealing with joans fans coming after her to try to stop her. also she's taken ung fu classes and now knows ho to kick a55. also its a 16 bit beat em uo with her and her brother as the players on sgea genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba and you beat up fans after you and try to get the book to the publisher.

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