Sunday, May 24, 2020

Dune Review

note; i spell bad like this movie is seen(but its enjoyable)
this is my rebiew of dune from 1984 (the yearafter the video game crash)
its directed by david lynch and stars brad dourif, linda hunt, viirginia madsen, jurgen pronchow, sting, max von syndow and patrick stewart
its based on a book i never read and everyone dumps on it cuz they dont get it
i saw it lastr night and liked it
so it starts with this chick going on a long monologue about the history of the thing sorta like in alien soldier
its the year 10191 and theres an empire of planets under cntrol of the emperor.
the biggest thng is tthis spice that is used for extending life, increasing power and space folfds like in robotech but its only found on 1 butthole a55 planet
its also mutated its users after 4ooo years of use
that planwets people have a prophecy of a hero coming to bring them freedom (like mel gibson vs soviet england?) and is arrakis aka DUNE
then title and credits over sand
its all done in 1 take btw. pretty impressive
then we see a list of the planets in this story and its owners
on the emperor planet its this weird mechanical world this guy and his esper meet the emperor who is in this big a55 tank and he looks sorta invid like the regent but more cuttlefish
if this were a sega game he'd be a boss
emperor sends esper away but i think shr's spying
emperopr can see his thoughts i think and sez that 2 clans are feuding as good house is making a secret army and so ic weapons
so hes gonna use bad house to take good house down
but emperor sez this guy named paul from good house (i say housebut its more clan an they say hoise too)is gonna be an issue and must be iced
esper and her peole go to good house and its revealed good house was using selective breeding or genetic cr-p to make a superior being (the cho jin) and was meant to have only girls bt 1 chick had a son (paul) with the had of good house
paul is tested by patrick stwertet in a knife fight with weird cg armor and they batle to a draw
they taklk about the worms of arrakis who are up to 450 meters (or 1350 feet in real numbers) long and how paul suspects the emperor is behind the bad house
they suspect going to arrakis is a trap but they have an army and sonicc weapons
then they test the sonic gun with paul fighting a combat thing
this should've been a master syatem game
so paul dad sez paul is the best fighter taught by patrick stwerit and they talk about new eexperiemces let us grow
and that the sleeper must awaken(remember that)
at night he has visions of cr-p that makes sense later
later esper meets with pauls mom who could have gone to bad house andi tthink might be an esper too sorta but i'm not sure, and b--ches ar her over wanting to make the cho jin
then esper tests paul by putting his hand in a box that burns it and if he pulls it out, she'll ice him
we see his hand decroding aand when the test is done, he takes it out and its ok
she sez the juice from da worms is used by her espers to see within and its risky and all other who tried it bit it
so then we get this monorail looking thing going through a large built area like in metropolis from 1927 annd its bad house planet withits leader being a big gross aids bag where 1 of his homies played by chuckky chat about bringging down good house
he wants arrakis amd has a double agent in good house working for him
then aids bag flies under a blood drip and pulls out this guys heart plug to ice him and almost b0ne him
so as good house goes to arrakis we see emperor inspace blasting ki and making planets
i think its symbolism
or maybe how they show the space fold
so pauk dad meets a guy who sez the arrakis people are good for being allies and theres much more than the emperor thinks
and they can control da spice
also arrakis is a desert planet w/o rain
they meet a  guy who was o arrakis for da emperor long enuff for his eyes to turn light blue
tHEY wear suits that catch sweat and process it and have a  nose tube tthat they breathe into to save water
paul knows how to use da suit w/o being told and emperor worker remembers the prpphecy saying he will know ur ways as if born to em
so good house guys go across da desert in a ship and talk about worms and emperor worker tries to avoid saying the worms have to do with da spice
they spot a wurm and theres a base in danger or something as this worm big enuff to eat it swallows the base and tey try to sae the people on it
totally not like robotech where mars base got nuked aas the sdf 1 got away
also paul dad (the duke(not john wayne)) is more worried of his men than the spice
later this guy from good house hates bad house for icing his womann
later pauly shore eats spice and has trippy visions
then this flying ainds needs comes in and if he moves it will see and ice him
when da housekeeper opens dda door he catches it and busts it on da wall, sabing her
i think she imples theres a traitor and later the houses met and there's a lockkdiwn on the pakace after paul newman is nearly iced
so paul goes to bed and dad is attacked by one of his guys who gives him a poison gas tooth to assassinate aids bag with in exchange for savving hs woman and son
so bad house attacks ad blows the place to elevtric guital like in 90s shows like  the crow stairway to heaven or are you afraid of the dark
aids bag has caught dues wiman and spits on her face in a gooey scene, then orders her iced but paul and mom are taken away by some guys
paul uses his psychic powers to makke 1 guy remove  moms ggag and she uses her [sychic thing to make them ice eachother and free them
oh annd dad gets shanked but his signing ring but dad is stull alive and uses his tooth to blast poison gas into brad dourifs face and both go to h e double optera
so the ship paul is  on busted a wing and they land on a small rock as this giant phallllic worms are out there
oh and they were given suits and  paul has the seal ring
psul has a vision of empperor wanting him iced and realisez whoever controls the spice controls the universe
sorta like protoculture in robotech
so paul relizes the spice evolved him and his mom is pregnant with his sister
he vows to beat the aids bag and emperor and plants a thing to attract a worms attention as he and mom try to escape this huge d0ng monster by going up this big a55 rock
it attax and a piece of it falls and paul goes with it, hitting several things as he goes down
da worrm goes as someone else activated a worm atteractor and they find this care with this planets people in it
after a breif fight, paul catches the leader who wants to use their sound blasters and (wait its mom who catchees him) abd they join his team
they give them new names and show them a water mine full of much waters
meanwhile on bad house planet, aidsbagg is happy ovver beating good house and puts his man in charge of arrakis
then sting comes out in a speedo and his uncle aids bag lusts after him
then mom drinkss the ultra divine water to digivolve her and it maes her poop out her kid who was born with esper powers and knowledge
so brad dourif is alive still and got a heart plug andneeds to take anti venom and feels bad about failing the duke
so then paul b0nes this chick and is told to train the arrakis people in his sonic boom attacks
also he wants to end spice production on arrakis and atttract the emperors attention
he has a  arrakin ty to bust stone but cant so he uses a sound gun and it blows
then trains em to use sonic guns
btw this totally isnt like lawrence of arabia
so later this huge a55 worm comes out, totakly not like tremors, amd paul grabs its side, it rotates him on op and he puts rchains on it to steer it
then they go to battle with the empperors or aidsbags goons
for 2 years they stopped spice but guy in chaarge tried to hide it from his  uncle aids bag as paul annd gf grew closer like rick and lisa in robotech
later patricckk strwatr comes in surprized paul sorvino is alive
so da emperor finds of the new unknown leader stopping spice production and orders guy who set the houses to fight to stop him
meanwhile, paul has a vision learning the emperor fears him drinking the sacred water and his visions ease up so he needs it to get total power
so he drinks the magic water that iced all men who tried it b4 and survives after trippy visions
totally not like dragon ball with goku
oh and the eespers bleed  in reaction to his taking the water
now he can control worms and he sez da sleeper has awakened
so later aids bag comes by the planeet and brings his forces to wipe out the resistance like a butt
and the guy who set the houses against each other, wait, hold up, i think hes the emperor and the invid thing was just an advosor
well hes there and meets aids bag and the sister of paul is this kid with psychic things and can read minds and the empperors esper is afraid of her
so theres a big a55 battle and paul sends his sandworms
oh and sister reveeals her brother is the paul
she pulls out aids bags hover belly rng and he flies into a sandworms moyth(is this beetlejuice?)
paul faces the emperor and his esper is no match for psuls psychic powers
then paul has a monkey knife fight with sting and wastes him with a blade to the neck
also he no longer needs a sonic gun to blasty people
i guess he uses his ki like in dbz or fist of the north star
then he uses his powers to make it rain on arrakis, which would probably f up the planet as its not meant for rain
btw the beating of the guy who iced his dad and saving the kingdom and bringing back rain was ripped off in the lion king 1
they say hes the chosen one and we get credits showing who played who like in space balls but to nice 80s music
the end
i liked it
its weiord, dark, epic, and i thought well done
its got good 80s style but feels sorta like a ben hur or lawrence of arabia style movie and has imfluenced a lot of later stuff while drawing from past things
i kinda see where they got some stuff for robotech ii the sentinels now
i get its kinda strange but i didn't see what everyone hates about this
its got good music and style too
sora ancient futuristic
but the seeds of the future lie barried in the past
for dune 2 i want paul to need a recharge of his magic water to boost his powers back but he overdoses and it warps his  mind. soon he's using his powers to devolve people into stick insect people and theres a big war where those who liked the emperor are trying to reinstate him to bring order back to the galaxy as without him theres been a lot of chaos  and volence. and to do so, they gotta bring down payl and he's devolving into some kinda phaIIic worm monster with his limbs becoming worms aand his neck elongating and face becoming more worm like. also its a 16 bit run n gun ggame where you play as the emperors elite soldier and fight through several planets to restore order by taking out malcontents and weird urotsuukidoji alien bosses on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba.

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