Woman In The Moon Review

 Note: I spell like Sailor Moon

Womrn ib thwe moon

Rgisa is my review on Woman In The Moon from 1929 (100 years before the 2nd Robotech War)

Its directed by Fritz Land who did Dr. Mabuse the Gambler, Metropolis, )The Testament of Dr. Mabuse, Scarlet Street and other good ones

Its wrote by his woman Thea von Harbou who wrote Dr. Mabuse the Gambler, Metropolis and The Testament of Dr. Mabuse

Oroginally Metyropilis was gonna have em going to da moon but they used it for this movie

It was made wiith help of those in Germany who went on to work on the alleged moon landing in America after the war

i never saw this but i herd itsa  good

its onbe of the 1st srs sci fi things and got a lot about rockets right

it stars Klaus Pohl from Dr Mabuse 1 i mean 2, Gustav von Wangenheim fromnosferatu, Fritz Rasp from Metropilis, Karl Platen fropm Dr Manuse 1 and 2, Heinrich Gotho from dr mabuse 1 and 2  and metropolis, and a buncha 1800s guys i never saaw in nything

so after logos and credits for like 3 mins, we get text sayiong "never don'ty exist, only, not yet"

like n the 1st one piece opening; that lregendary place, that tthe end of thre map reveals, is only legendary, til someone proves it real

then we get this papwer about a dr and this guy throws a guy down the staris but he dont go off his feet

another guy comes up and the throwewr sez he lived there 30 years and the thrown comes to buy his manuscript

thrower throwes the throen hat and it lasnds on the light and the other light pops for some reason

so the thrower is spazzing out and the guest wants to have dinner with him

thrower is a professor and prof gives him some money for bread and 1 is the others only friend

prof uses books to fake being a chaires missing leg and friend eats breadwith buter but shares it with prof ad prof has wine, which will probably desrtroy his brains

after sevewral mins of dinner, prof has walls with drawings and papers on it and we getta flasg back to 96 whhere this nerd sez the moon has more gold than earth in its rocks

Why not use lunar titasnuim? aka; gundanium!

so he wants to go 2 da moon but the nerds laugh like they're ret-rded and when hew imnsuul;ts em for it; they all spazz out

so now hes in this dump and has a globe of da moon and friend sez he wants to go to the moon with him and prof is happy to tears

butits revealed frienmds freind wont copme and we see f f with a blonde chick as this doorbell keeps ringing qands he goes

i think the blonde is his future wife and she has a ring frpm him abd se gets a letter from friend 1 who sez he cant come to ttheir engagement and shes bunned

also friend of friuend is called hans anmd sghe kiulles him i mean kisses him

as prof and friend smoke, friernd sez no one knows his choicew but prof sez the guy he threw knows as do others

prrof sez 3 niGHTS ago this guy broke in his window and tried to jack his notes that he had right by the window

so he hid em under his pillow and  now he brings em out to show his friend

prof things its cuz of his moon gold theory so he gives the friend his manusxcrupt of his work to hide in his safe at home

after seeing out his only friend, he comes back and eats them putsa a bit out for his mouse room mate

in the car, homie reads a note from hans thsat the blonde is gonnas marry him and homie is invited and he rips it up and throws it out da window

at a stop a flower girl givbres hgim flowers and flirts with homie and then we see 2 guys sneaking in this white room

homie getsSOMNE GUYS AT HIS DOOR CLAIMING TO E SENT FROM HANS BUT HIS MAID OR SLASVE OR W/.E SEZ HES OUT

THE GUY COMES IN ANYWAY  AND AS HE TALKS, THE 2 OTHERS SNEAK IN as the note hes got sez it must be delivered in person

the 2 guys sneak around as maiid cleans or cooks or w/e and when the cab pulls up with homie, he's out cold and the driver checks on him

this kid banks on the door and tells the maid and then slides down the arm rail like its mr deeds with adam sodom sandler

when maid gets down, homie is up but the manuscript is gone and he starts coming up the elebvator but the 2 guys are carrying out his cr-p

the teddy roosevelt looking c-ck sucker with the note is styill there and gives him the card ands homie calls  on the phone but it does jack sh-t

he reads a note from ans asking to give this guy work and goes off to the cops as nmesseger looks oiuty the winbdow

this kid reads a book from nick carter, not the boy band guy, about sci fi comics and homie tries to find whart happened in the phone as maid dont recall when it was last used

i think homie only sent someone to sda cops

he finds a metal thing and chex his safe as the kid and this possible cop chasde a car

in his safe he finds its empty and maid sez the man sent by the hans came by but she didn't leave

homie goes to a neighbor to use his phone and we see hans and blonde having a smmoke and at this phgone os this hewrmaphgrodite looking blonde

a foreman of homies work is at te party hanns is having his fiture wife engagement and eventually hermaphrodite gives hans thephgone call where he sez he don't lknow of any note guy

homie onvites hans over and his blonde fiuuture wife goes on da phone but homie dont talk aND later hans meets homie, waiit, its not hans, its a guy called turner

i think its the guy who was thrown down the stairs at the start and he sez he knows of the hans and gf coming

the turner wants homie to not calll the cops and shows hom the car the driver drove him in being retiurned

aparently, the cop guy was his driver and the car was jacked and driver ran after it all this ttime as he has unlimited ki and can chase a car for hours on foot

the turner then fixes homies phonbe and homie tells driver not to go to da cops

turner f's with his face and hair and tuirned into a different person but sometimes looks like that italiano daemon worker who makes vaccines, then turns back

homie sez turner evaded priison and turner sez the 5 richest wanna keeop da gold reserve undrrt their control

then we see guys working on a model rocket and 1 guy sez homie once sent an unmannned test rocket to da moon to proove it can do it

it blew on impact and was visible rom da urth, then the guys show footage from the rocket of what it looks like and a smalll animation of the eartrh and moon grabity zonesand now it needs to go 11 200 meters per secxond

is that a lot? i dont do the metric system, i use REAL numbers

it took 36 hours to go 40 000 kilometers and when it hot da moon it looks like a swarm of bugs to this jamacia astyronomoier

the cxamera sees the dark side of da moon and its got weird plaines of stuiff on it that might be life

1 rixchie wants the moons riches in the hands of businbessmen AND another sea his goon is seeing homie abnout it

the turner sez turner can go under their command or not art all and if he doont agree in 5 mins, then hgomies hanger and spacxe shjip will get wrecked

and if he wacks trurner it wiont stop it but turner will go with them to the moon so homie sez hes not gonna colonize the moon with criminals

but then wants 24 hours to think it over and turner walks out

he runs to dadoor and finds hans and gf and thery come in and he tells em of what happened with dissolving imagies of the book, the flowers, the safe and otrher things

homie sez he has back up copies in his desk, wait i think hans sez that, and when gf asks "you sure" hans runs out

gf has a smoke and asks why hew didsnt tell em hes going to da moon and she sez aftyter all the time they worked together, will he lie now?

homie is nervous and sez he wanted tto not make hans choose between his love and his work

she sez hans and her will come too and homie brings up how others tried to go to da moon b4 and went to h e double sooviet england

homie dont want her in danger and hsans comes back all spazzed out and gf sez homke is gooing to da moon and he invites gf and smnoochers her in fronbt of homie as he looks on thinking "it should be me with my tongue in her mouth"

btw homies name is helius like helium but i call hom homie

so later these guys arte gonna blow the rovket in 24 hours then the 24 hour deadline ended 61 ins ago

something blerw and homie and hans find out and the turner sez its just a thing on his offer and not important

but next time it'll ice people and after thar, end the ship

hans attacks the turner but gets slugged out andhans goes all italiano

turner sez if he agrees, then all his stolen cr-p will be returned 

homie looks at trhe turner and ten we see hjom,ie getting ready to take off the space ship

theres a big a55 moving platform of metal andgoodf music like a  ps1 game or the final countdown by europe

b4 they are gona take off, homie trys to get em to quit as itys risky boots but they stay on

sso the whole wor;ds watchinmg and as its tooo light to stanbt on its own, its partly in the water of a basin

So from launch until threy reach 11 200 meters per second, there's 8 mins where the speed might kill them  aand it'll feel the g's

didnt getter robo ref this with the getter vehicles being too much fior normal; m\humans to take?

so if they don't hold the speed, they might be lost in space like that 60s show, 90s movie or netflix remake

but there is a lever to pull in case that happens whguch they dont say what it is but i think blows it

so eventually they get into their beds and i think prof is there and theres a 10 second count down ending with NOW and they fire off

the rocket has levels and the lever he pulled is the thing that turns it on and offand the guys inin their banana hammocks are breathing f'd

they dump tthe used rocket segments but hanms is dead or something and cant and homiehas to flip a switch to do it

who have it bend up to turn on?! if ur going high gravity then have it going down to activate makes sense as you dont gotta fight high zG force!

so as he gets too 11 200 atk points he pulls the level back and turns the g's off

so later prof wakes up and his peret mouse is there and somehow survived high g's in the cage and he looks around and checks the other crew

homie iis up and he checks gf and shes ok and prof checks turner with shadows of loops that look like a noose on the wall

haans is ok and is overjhoyed to be with gf and homie cgecks on turner who prtof thinks might have bit it

imagine if he b0ned his body as punishment?

but turner is alive and they dont finish him even though hes the bsad guy and probably gonna turn on emnm

gf suggests getting brandy but finds something in da carho hold and it turns out to be the kid frm b4

so they give him brandy to destroy his brsain ands tract and hes ok

he devoted his whole life to moon research and by that he means reading nick carter comics

seeing 1 comic pag ofa guy parachuting to earth makes gf wanna see da urth and they l;ook out da window at it

so they see the sun rise from behind da earth and look toward da moon

oh and tthe ship is named after the gf, the german word for piece i mean peace: Friede

so they turn the ships dark side to the sun to eat heat and turn off the jets so they go weightless

they have foot loops on da floor to eepp them from floating and kid jumps to skup clombing the ladder

hans pulls on tthe kid and hhe holds the rail but lets go so i'm not sure how they did that

fd i mean gf and hans try to put drink in a ciup but no grabity means they cant turn it, so he swinbgs it and the globs float and he picks it up with a glass

at 9000 km the moon gravity kicks in and they turn the jets to turn on tthe g's and land on the ffar side of the moon

as eartth goes down behind it we see the surface turning and its cool

hans dont want em to land as hes afraid anmmnd he yells at prof

homie comes down and it was hium with kid at 1st, nt hans and as they lower, prof is spazzing out

they close the window hatchres and as they lower the camera shakres and we see em spazzing around

kid opens the window and prof looks and they use full brake power somehow and slamm into the moon with a huge dust poof

hans wants to fix the ignition cable and prof wants to test the air to see if we can breathe it

turner is checking his leg and prof goews near hiom and hans wants to get poff da moon as soon as the ship is fixed but gf dont want him to betray homie

they see a busted thing and ans sez now they gotta bring them back but homie wants to find water witrh a dowsing rod

so they check the air sample and prof is going out in a diving suit but homie sez if there no breathable atmosphere they're f;d

so prof goes out andf lights matches enev thouigh if its goit the wriong mixture, the whole moon could blow

he takes off his helmet anmd runs around like a maniac and has a dowsing rod

he goes off ollowing it and homie and kid go out and the music is pretty epic and mysterious

gf andd hans come out andhans want to find wayter wwait, he wants to fix the shiop and homie wants to fuind water

turner volunteers toi find water and prof andf they trust him even though hes clearly evil, and prof left tracks on the moon dust that any idiot can follow

gf films a video on the moon even though light is different uop there and might not work

nah i just made thar up

so kid writes for the shjhips log even though hes a grade schooler and probably prints in al;l capitals like me and gf treats hopmies hand thats wounded somehow

they havev a soft peaceful toucbning moment of holding hands and looking intoi each others eyes and he puts his head on her hand

eventually main guy goos ooy too look foor prof and kid gives homie a snack ffrom gf and trhey go together

prof finds bubbling liquid  and goes through a cave and finds gold

he yells it clud and we geta cool effect of da worrd going over the scren

tuurner i thgink follows him and prof grabs a piece of gold and walks backwards like a dink and falls off a cliff

turmer piuills off goild and puts some in bags  then co,mes out and hides as homie and kid come in da cave, b4 running bavl

btw, how did prof know thew moon had gold on the side we cant see?

so kid and homie find where prof fell and throw a flare in it that fall far

turner returns to the ship and hans confontshim but when hans turns his back, turned clubs him with gold and ties him up

gf coomes out andturner is holding hans mouth closed and as she walks off, turnwr runs and hans yells tio not let turner in the ship

\she gets in b4 turner andv hold the door as turner pulls on itand locks it with her arm through the loopp like the carbon rod in the simpsons

kid and homie come back and find hans tied up anbd homie goes in and fights the turner in the doorwaty

they fall out but the ladder lightens the fall and kid unties hans as turner strangles homie on the moon like withblack zarak and god ginrai in transformes super god mastyerforce

turner pulls a gun and so does hans and turner bites it as gf ciomforts him

homie asks if theres anyone on earth to give his last words to and he sez no

hans checks the ship and turner hit the oxygen comntainers with his bullet

shouldnt it blow from that?

btw the scienmntisat staying in a cave the moon was dones in 1st menn in the moon by h g welles

so as they lost half the oxygen, one of wem has to stay behid on the moon

cut off a finger to saver the hand

hans freaks out and blameshomie andf everyone who listened to him

didn't dxynamote rip this off with the cave iin and 1 has to blow to save the other 2?

so threy play a game where gf has 2 straws and whoever pulls the small one 2x stays

round 1 hans gets the bad 1 and he looks kinda like mussolini with haiir

round 2 homie gets the small one cusz we gotta boost tension

for round 3, hans is freaking out and has homie draw  and homie wins

synchro suimmon: Archfiernd Warrior in Attack Mode!

so hans gores off to die on the moon andd kid brings stuiff for him to have there

gf offers toi stay with him on the moon  and as maiin gjy makes drinkss he puts some fluid in it and gives it togf and hans

so after a swig the kid comes in and sez the base camp is ready and hans lays downbn

homie tells kid to guide the rocket back and homie will stay on the moon so the couple can be in love

the shock will wake up the sleeping hanns and gf who'll take over the mission

homie wroites a notte saying he hopes hans will come get him laster andvhas an emotional hug with the kid wjo looks up to him like a hero

really good music and feels here

so homie goes off and kid closes the door and launches the shup

homie is stunned and his realization and its sorta like eric von stroheims greed with him on this wasteland

then we see gf stayed behind and they hug to wonderous music

the end

That was quite good

I only knew it was about a moon thing and didn't expect the chaRACTER Story

good twists aND style and effects and its gotgot good music

its silent, black and White and fullscreen so its got the good stuff

its like 3 hours aLMOST AND DOESNT FEEL LIKE IT, BUT ALSO YOU DON'T WANNA FAST FORWARD AS ITS actually well made and holds your attention

Lillian Gish said silent films were becomes an art forme b4 talklies came in and ruined em

thisd being one of the later siulents shows they were great even afdtrer sound came in

i liked this one and it holds up

frotyz lang amd his woman have done it agfain

also the moon shot reminds me of Things To Come which h g welles maDE as he didn't ;like metropolis

Oh and the love triangle with the 2 guys and a girl was like Robotech

Forr Woman In The Moon  2 i want it to be the 50s and they made moon bases on there but some of the teens there hear stories of the couple left on the moon and go looking for em, but then they find on a hidden area in there, a underground city withdevolved people, turns out; its the kids of the couple who have devolved from eating moon rocks and they were living here for the last few decades. also its an 8 bit sorta rpg thing  on master syster, game gear, nes, gameboy, tg16, atari lynx and7800 where you play as this teen and walk around talking to tthese devolved moon people, but there's no fights and its more of a text adventure wuith graphics like Nadia The Secret Of Blue Water Sega on Genesis